Welcome to Social Issues!
Fair game includes divorce & marriage, gender issues, race issues, sexual orientation issues, reproductive rights, quality of life, ageism, welfare reform, personal liberties, domestic violence and ubiquitous complaints against cell phone users and dog owners … you name it.
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Please feel free to email me with suggestions for links in the butter bar.
2. vw - 3/28/2001 12:13:15 PM
Current topics that caught my eye:
What's wrong with our justice system? US prison population nears two million We have 25% of the world's prisoners but we're only 5% of the world's population.
Remember crack babies? Apparently our public concern and millions of dollars were misspent on an "epidemic" that never existed. How much of what the public pushes for in social policy is based on misinformation or downright confusion? Have we become a nation of Social Issue hand-wringers ready to fund the Tragedy de Jour?
3. JudithAtHome - 3/28/2001 12:29:06 PM
This looks like it will fly, vw!
4. Jenerator - 3/28/2001 12:29:37 PM
Hi vw!
I live in a suburb of N. Dallas and teach 11th grade US History and World History. Here in Texas (even in North Texas) we have a large Hispanic population. At the school that I teach, approximately 65% of the students are Hispanic, most second or third generation. One of the biggest problems we have with these students, aside from teenage pregnancy, is gang involvement. Although this particular school has a reputation for being rough on crime, signs of gang involvement still exist.
Has there been any developments in the study of gangs that you're aware of? I have some kids who are at such an impressionable stage in their lives. They're wavering between entering the gangs because their homies are already in them , and wondering what they should do instead. I try and encourage them NOT to enter gangs, but the social pressure is so high to follow the others.
Any comments, suggestions?
5. CalGal - 3/28/2001 12:38:18 PM
Have we become a nation of Social Issue hand-wringers ready to fund the Tragedy de Jour?
Well, yes. Absolutely.
Another link off the one you provided: Researchers in North Carolina are wringing their hands because many new mothers who are abused regularly take their kids to the doctor, even if they themselves don't get treatment. Thus, pediatricians are now going to be looped into the task of babysitting women who don't want to accept responsibility for their lives.
Where will it end? (wringing hands and gnashing teeth)
It reminds me of Ase, being asked DV questions while giving birth. Women have to tolerate that intrusion because we all need to pretend that victims are just a question away from saying, "Why yes, my husband beats the shit out of me--thanks for asking."
6. bubbaette - 3/28/2001 12:40:19 PM
I saw an article in this weekend's paper about crowds in San Francisco motivating for dogs to run without leashes an uban federal park there, though children and the elderly may be afraid to use the parks as a consequence. Evidently, many dog owners already ignore leash laws in the park and let their dogs run. I think that San Fran. is also the city in which a young woman was mauled to death by two particularly vicious dogs.
Then this weekend as I was moving my parents to their new house a big german shepard bounded over from their back yard neighbors. He's a friendly fellow, except with my mother who's terrified of German Shepards because she was attacked by a neighbor's back in the 60's. Already, it looks like they may either be in for a run-in with new neighbors or my mom will be trapped in the house while their dog runs lose.
As a dog owner myself, I keep my two beasts fenced or leashed. What is it with dog owners who seem to feel that dogs' rights outweigh the right of people to enjoy their own yards and public spaces without fear of canines?
7. christipeters - 3/28/2001 12:52:30 PM
bubba - grrrrr! that bothers me, too. Your dog has a right to run loose in a residential neighborhood? I think NOT.
What about your dog's right to be kept safe from cars, other dogs, and nuts with poison?
Your dog's rights are trumped by the rights of the people in the area to not be jumped on, licked, knocked down, bitten, or even to simply keep their lawns and gardens intact!
Can your parents build a fence to keep the dog OUT of their place at least?
8. JudithAtHome - 3/28/2001 12:54:48 PM
I don't know but we are having the same problem in our neighborhood, Bubbaette. Some of you might recall I posted last year about our across-the-street neighbor who let his Rottweiler run loose and it attacked and nearly killed the little dog next door to me. Our village police and court system handled it and the guy had to get rid of his Rotty or put up a 10 foot fence all around his yard and post a million dollar insurance bond. Of course, this layabout guy opted for giving the dog away and letting someone else deal with it in their neighborhood.
Now he has a German Shepard who just this week got loose and went after a lady a few doors down.
9. bubbaette - 3/28/2001 12:58:27 PM
I like the idea of holding these people criminally liable for the actions of their dogs.
The neighbors whose german shepard attacked my mom had trained their dog to be vicious. If their dog attacks someone, the owners should be charged with assault and battery.
10. Jenerator - 3/28/2001 1:01:16 PM
Bubba,
My husband has a 25 lb. chihuahua, her name is Taffy. He lets her run loose, but her weight is intimidating to some, believe it or not. She'll come barreling around a corner looking for someone to love, and it scares some people. Unfortunately, it's when she's in the presence of others that she poops in someone else's yard. THAT'S when I'm wanting her on a leash.
Imagine the Taco Bell dog, but enormously huge.
11. christipeters - 3/28/2001 1:07:18 PM
I think in most cities people ARE held responsible for the actions of their dogs. Of course, it's the dogs who end up paying, usually by being put down -either as vicious, or because they've been taken away from the irresponsible owners and no new home is found. I know that if a dog attacks or bites a person, the owner is liable for medical bills and dammages.
I would agree with the assault and battery idea only if it was trained to attack and/or their was negligence involved. One of our dogs, a German Shepherd, once bit a kid. This kid and his friend had been teasing and throwing things at our fenced-in dog for a couple of weeks. The kids' parents and my husband and myself had all spoken to/yelled at the kids over it. One day, when they were teasing our dog they came too close to the fence and she nipped one of them. (4' fence the could have jumped out of, but had been trained to stay in the yard and would stay even if the gate was open.) The parents of the bitten kid simply verified with us that our dog had all her vaccinations and then told the kid he deserved what he got.
My point being that some attacks are provoked. I don't think those don't call for assault and battery charges.
12. christipeters - 3/28/2001 1:08:56 PM
I have tiny dogs now, but most of my life I have had dogs of 55 lbs or larger (usually larger).
Big or small, I always always always have my dogs fenced or leashed.
13. bubbaette - 3/28/2001 1:29:19 PM
There's a difference between tormenting a dog who's enclosed on the owner's property and a dog that's running loose. I don't know that assault charges would always be proper -- say in the instance of a little old lady who suffers a broken hip when knocked down by an overly affectionate dog.
The problems with letting it be because dog owners are financially responsible if their dog injures someone are:
1. It does no good to sue someone for injuries if they have no funds to make good.
2. In many cases the damages are paid by homeowners insurance which gives the owner little or no incentive to control the animal if it doesn't touch their own pocket book.
I also think that there's an attitude on the part of some dog owners -- "screw the law -- my dog needs to run and you're just a wimp. It's not the dogs that are fenced in on their owners property that are the problem. Instead, it's the owners who take their dogs out and let them off the leash thinking there's no harm done.
14. CalGal - 3/28/2001 1:30:34 PM
I think it is arguable that dogs are no longer a viable pet for many urban areas.
15. Shannon - 3/28/2001 1:34:30 PM
Another aspect to the dog issue: People who DO NOT LISTEN when you tell them not to pet your dog. I have an extremely skittish dog. I highly doubt she'd ever bite anyone, but many skittish dogs will. It's unbelieveably stupid to approach or try to pet a dog when the owner has said "She doesn't like strangers. Just leave her alone."
At the very least, it terrifies the poor animal.
Weird aside: My daughter was very scared of small dogs for a while. We have a large dog--GS mix, about 60 pounds. She was fine with big dogs, but she burst into tears at my aunt's Lhasa Apso (sp?).
16. JudithAtHome - 3/28/2001 1:35:34 PM
I heard on the news those 2 who owned the dogs which attacked and killed the woman in San Francisco are going to be charged with...something serious, I can't remember what. I'll check my paper...
17. Shannon - 3/28/2001 1:40:31 PM
Murder and manslaughter. From Yahoo:
Knoller, 45, who was present at the time of the attack, was charged with second-degree murder, involuntary manslaughter and keeping a mischievous dog that caused a person's death. Noel, 59, was charged with involuntary manslaughter and keeping a mischievous dog.
I didn't know you could be charged with both murder and manslaughter. I thought it was one or the other.
18. Jenerator - 3/28/2001 1:42:20 PM
Shannon,
I always make my 80 lb chow chow sit for strangers. He's extremely passive and disinterested in others, but I always take this precaution in case something snaps. My little dog is the weird one, her I usually try to discourage others from petting.
My husband's chihuahua will love anyone, regardless of size.
19. Erin R. - 3/28/2001 1:44:37 PM
My husband's dog is extremely unfriendly to other dogs. He is always leashed, but has been in a lot of fights because someone decided to let their dog off the leash.
20. JudithAtHome - 3/28/2001 1:46:17 PM
keeping a mischievous dog.
Hey, I have a mischievous dog...he smiles at people and melts their hearts. A dog which mauls and kills a person is NOT mischievous, it's predatory. That breed of dog had been bred to kill and those people knew it.
What strange language in the law...
21. Laura C - 3/28/2001 1:51:00 PM
I think it is arguable that dogs are no longer a viable pet for many urban areas.
The growth of doggie daycare, doggie bakeries and Discovery Zone-like indoor doggie playgrounds has amused me greatly. One place near my last apartment couldn't make it as a nursery school, closed for six months, and reopened for dogs with a bit of remodeling, to great success.
22. Erin R. - 3/28/2001 1:51:59 PM
That is bizarre.
23. CalGal - 3/28/2001 1:53:39 PM
hahahahahah!
That's cool. But yes, that's the sort of thing you'd need. Dogs are an expense, not a pet. That's one reason I won't have one--well, that and the fact that I hate pets.
24. Erin R. - 3/28/2001 1:56:42 PM
I like pets, I just don't like dogs. They are so high maintenance.
25. bubbaette - 3/28/2001 1:56:47 PM
Jen
My dog is pretty small -- between 25 and 30 pounds, and I always make her sit and then kneel beside her when people (especially children) approach. I think this makes the dog feel safer. Small dogs tend to be leery of children because they're not always gentle, may yell, and often move erratically. I ask the children who want to pet her to speak in small voices and to pet her gently. Though Callie has never snapped at anyone, she has barked at and frightened a toddler who was treating her roughly.
My dog hile on a leash was attacked by a pit bull who was running along the beach trailing a leash behind her. Mike jumped into the fray, picked up the Pit by the collar and leash, swung the dog around and then slammed it into the sand. The Pit's idiot owner who was walking along behind apologized half-heartedly and evidently thought that because the dog was on a leash, they were ok. I would have like to have choked the owner for letting her little menace run loose. Dogs on a leash feel very much threatened by dogs running loose because the leashed dog doesn't have the range of motion or freedom to protect itself if attacked.
26. christipeters - 3/28/2001 1:57:25 PM
I think it is arguable that dogs are no longer a viable pet for many urban areas.
I disagree. There are dogs being specifically bred for urban areas which are tiny and perfectly happy never leaving the average-sized apartment. The problem is not the dogs. It is the irresponsible behavior of some dog owners. Good laws, enforced firmly, could take care of the irresponsible owners and let the responsible ones continue to enjoy their pets.
27. CalGal - 3/28/2001 2:00:57 PM
There are dogs being specifically bred for urban areas which are tiny and perfectly happy never leaving the average-sized apartment.
In short, dogs specially bred to become cats are fine. No problem. But that makes them functionally cats.
But real dogs are a different issue. I think it's arguable that it does them no good to live in an urban environment anymore, and even in the suburbs the investment and time it takes to keep a dog is a lot more than many people have time for in their busy lives.
28. christipeters - 3/28/2001 2:01:38 PM
Dog owners should be held absolutely finanacially liable for any and all damage done by their dogs. (this is the way it is in many places).
Dog owners should be held criminally liable for any and all damage done by their dogs if it is the result of their negligence (as in not fenced, leashed, etc), abuse, neglect, or training for attack/viciousness.
29. christipeters - 3/28/2001 2:03:36 PM
CalGal - actually it doesn't make them functionally cats. I keep both cats and dogs because they offer different interactions and I want both. A small dog still acts like a dog. It is just small enough that an apartment is a big territory to it.
30. Laura C - 3/28/2001 2:05:14 PM
What breeds are those, Christi? I like dogs but it will be a long time before we have enough space for Labs or the other breeds I grew up around.
31. CalGal - 3/28/2001 2:07:25 PM
Christi,
I dunno. A dog that doesn't need to go outside sounds like a cat. I realize he'll still bark instead of mew.
32. JudithAtHome - 3/28/2001 2:13:02 PM
the investment and time it takes to keep a dog is a lot more than many people have time for in their busy lives.
Well, that could be said of children, too.
I think if you're too busy to have a dog, then both you and the dog will be better off if you pass on having one.
But dogs are great companions and aren't that expensive...food, shots, a short course in training, and dog tags. Of course, if they become ill, they cost more but averaged out over 12 to 16 years, they are a bargain and a delight...or can be.
33. CalGal - 3/28/2001 2:16:22 PM
Well, that could be said of children, too.
And it is, regularly.
I'm not trying to talk people out of dogs. I'm just making an observation about dogs as pets in general. It would be fairly easy to pass laws that make owning a dog too onerous.
For example, all of you owners who support holding owners legally responsible: suppose it then became normal for dog owners to be sued, to have to have special insurance, or for homeowner's insurance property to stop covering dogs. Would you still be positive that this sort of thing could never happen to you?
And that's just one example.
34. Erin R. - 3/28/2001 2:21:15 PM
I have met pet owners who are aghast when a family gives away a pet when they have a new baby. I have never understood this mentatlity.
35. JudithAtHome - 3/28/2001 2:21:28 PM
Would you still be positive that this sort of thing could never happen to you?
I didn't notice any of us said that...I am quite sure it could happen to me. I have an older dog and he gets cranky around kids. If he bites a child, I feel I'm liable for him...a responsible owner naturally would live up to that reponsibility.
36. Shannon - 3/28/2001 2:26:34 PM
Actually, we got a discount on our homeowner's insurance for having a dog. Very amusing considering how useless she is as protection.
37. JudithAtHome - 3/28/2001 2:30:02 PM
Shannon:
I have to chuckle when I see my dog snarling and barking at the mailman everyday...safely behind the picture window. If the mailman said BOO!! to Klaus, he'd run shrieking to the back of the house.
38. CalGal - 3/28/2001 2:34:22 PM
I have met pet owners who are aghast when a family gives away a pet when they have a new baby.
I know. I always say that people who treat their pets like children just can't be parents. If they are, then I worry about their kids. (g)
I didn't notice any of us said that
I didn't say you did. However, over time, this increases the cost and risk of having a dog at all. If further laws enforce dog owner liability and limit dog behavior, I think it's quite possible that it will continue to discourage dog ownership. I believe that it already has dropped over hte years, hasn't it?
39. Shannon - 3/28/2001 2:35:15 PM
That's about like Thelma. She barks like mad if anyone is outside the door, but if they come in, she retreats behind a large furniture item.
She probably does sound intimidating, anyway.
40. JudithAtHome - 3/28/2001 2:36:34 PM
I believe that it already has dropped over hte years, hasn't it?
Just from personal observation, I'd say no...
41. JudithAtHome - 3/28/2001 2:38:52 PM
Shannon:
I think you get the insurance break because studies show if a thief hears a dog inside, they will be less likely to try your house. Lucky for us if they don't...they'd see what a sham our viscious beasts really are!:-)
42. christipeters - 3/28/2001 2:40:58 PM
CalGal - Many people think cats need to go outside and keeping them in is cruel. However, with the advent of clumping kitty litter with good odor control conquering the unpleasant smells of the old clay kitty litter, many people are now comfortable keeping cats exclusively indoors and finding out that the cats not only adjust, but live longer.
People have been "paper-training" dogs for almost as long as there have been cheap papers. However, it was messy and inconvenient to maintain that method of waste training throughout the dog's life. So, paper training was just a way-station on the road to housebreaking a dog to go outside to defecate and urinate. Now the same technology that gave us super-absorbant disposable diapers has given us disposable doggy potty pads. So the dog is "paper trained", not on paper, but on these pads that will absorb the urine, neutralize (at least somewhat) the smell of urine and feces and can be tossed out like diapers. (I make no comment on the environmental effects of diaper and potty pad waste)
This is impractical for large dogs, but I know some people with a Pomeranian who live in a high-rise apartment building who have never taken their dog outside. They say it's not uncommon.
It has nothing to do with a dog "being like a cat" and everything to do with technology developed by people to make the artificial (to the animal) environment we put our pets in comfortable and convenient for people.
43. Shannon - 3/28/2001 2:43:57 PM
I'd give my pets away in a heartbeat if there was an actual problem with them and my kids. But I admit to being a bit baffled and sometimes mildly appalled at people who get rid of their pets before their children are even born.
44. christipeters - 3/28/2001 2:50:36 PM
LauraC - the small and toy breeds which are being bred smaller and smaller. For example, Pomeranians used to be between 7 and 12 pounds. Now they are between 4 and 7 pounds.
I had bird dogs ( Gordon and English Setters, German Shorthairs, Springer Spanials, and Brittany Spanials), medium to large mutts, and German Shepherds before I got my present two Poms. In fact, I would not have chosen these dogs. They were my daughter's choice. However, I have not had any of the problems I anticipated (yappiness and snappishness).
More and more I am beginning to think a large part of the nasty reputation that tiny dogs get is due to the type of people who used to be the majority choosing these dogs and how they train (or didn't) the dogs. I trained this pair the same way I did my previous dogs with the same results.
The only thing I would call a "problem" is that an animal this tiny is more easily injured. Rose's skull is about the size of a golf ball. Her muzzle the length of the last part of my thumb. Her legs are about the thickness of my forefinger. Jewel is even smaller. So, when my daughter accidentally dropped Jewel, it broke her leg. That's not something that would happen with a Lab or a 50 lb mutt.
45. Erin R. - 3/28/2001 2:51:39 PM
Our cat and dog haven't had anywhere near the level of attention they were used to pre-baby.
46. christipeters - 3/28/2001 3:00:49 PM
"For example, all of you owners who support holding owners legally responsible: suppose it then became normal for dog owners to be sued, to have to have special insurance, or for homeowner's insurance property to stop covering dogs. Would you still be positive that this sort of thing could never happen to you?"
If you ahd dogs, you might know that that is/has been happening. I don't see why the homeowner's insurance shouldn't cover dogs, but it's reasonable that having dogs would affect the cost of homeowner's insurance. I think in many places it does. Certainly, there are and will continue to be more lawsuits over damages and/or injuries done by pets.
We got our first German Shepherd in 1981. We were going to put up a "Beware of Dog" sign, not because the dog was in any way vicious, but to keep people out of our yard. A lawyer advised us not to. He said that in the 50s and 60s and earlier, a "Beware of Dog" sign was considered "fair warning" and if there was a lawsuit over a bite happening on a property so posted, the courts pretty much ruled it was the "victim's" fault for ignoring the warning. Now (1981) there have been so many lawsuits over dog bites and such a victim mentality, that a "Beware of Dog" sign is considered by the courts to be freely admitting that you are knowingly keeping a vicious dog.
I think that is still, if not more, true today.
I already have special health insurance for my dogs and cats. Why not liability insurance, too?
47. christipeters - 3/28/2001 3:06:20 PM
I did give away a cat after my daughter was born. The dogs were fine. In fact, my daughter learned to walk with her fists buried in the hair of the German Shepherd rather than hanging on to furniture. The other cat was fine, too. However, the one cat, an absolutely gorgeous Turkish Angora that I loved dearly, was still slinking around the edges of any room the baby was in snarling away a month after my daughter was born. I figured a month was more than enough time to adjust and got rid of the cat.
I mean, I loved that cat, but no where near as much as loved my daughter fergodsakes!
48. CalGal - 3/28/2001 3:08:42 PM
Christi,
I thought some of that was in effect; thanks for bringing me up to date. But dog ownership has declined, apparently--I've just been reading up--and I imagine that part of it is due to liability concerns. I'm sure that warding off anti-dog legislation is a big part of pet lobbies, too.
49. vw - 3/28/2001 3:41:23 PM
I think the dog question is just one facet of a much larger social issue that also includes complaints about cell phone users, people with kids, SUV drivers, etc.
I have noticed a general intolerance among Americans. They are annoyed at a legion of little actions by others that are best placed in the “Mind my own business and walk on” category.
My kid has the right to be safe everywhere she goes.
Why should anyone else’s feelings inconvenience me to the point of having to purchase a leash for my dog?
I don’t own a cell phone so I should never have to listen to one ring. Even in completely public areas like parks or streets.
There seems to be a demand that the comforts, rights or privacies we once held in the sanctity of our own homes now must be extended to the public sphere. Somehow rights have come to mean that everyone else should accommodate the wishes and preferences of individuals rather than prevent actions against the liberties of the community as a whole.
And I find myself think over and over again that part of the equation has been lost in the demand for entitlement; that the other side of the “rights” coin is responsibility. Owning a dog is a right that bears the responsibility of controlling the animal. Having a child is a right that bears the responsibility of providing for and protecting that child. Being able to walk the public streets as a free citizen bears the responsibility of tolerating the actions of other citizens exercising the same right.
I think we’ve gone rights-mad. We attribute rights to everything and in that mad dash to do so trod over very basic liberties like self-determination.
Whew! I feel better now.
50. Jenerator - 3/28/2001 3:43:51 PM
Bubba,
I agree with you, I think it is terrible when a pet owner allows their leashed animal to attack others!
I was attacked by a Pit Bull when I was 11, thank God I got away with a scar on my lip that is invisible now. The owner didn't have it on a leash and it looked at me, closed it's mouth and charged. It happened so quickly that all I could do was try and push the animal off of me. It was literally standing on me while taking a chomp out of my face. The owner shouted "Brandy, stop it!" and then slugged it with a large stick/pole (maybe a baseball bat?). I was in tears, and bleeding, and the woman basically apologized and left. The dog wimpered, from being hit by its owner, and they disappeared.
51. christipeters - 3/28/2001 3:47:22 PM
vw -
applause! applause!
52. christipeters - 3/28/2001 3:58:03 PM
CalGal -
I'm not surprised that dog ownership is declining. I think it has to do with the difference in dependence between a dog and a cat. Cats really are less trouble if you go away for the weekend than a dog. With a cat, you can make sure the litterbox is clean, leave an automatic waterer and automatic feeder, and their fine. Our cats definitely let us know that they have missed us when we are gone, but not like a dog.
While cats, sans humans, band into cooperative related female groups, they are less of a pack animal than dogs. In addition, humans have used the pack instincts in dogs to breed 'companion dogs' that are very psychologically dependent on their human 'pack'.
Pets, in general, put a 'crimp' on a mobile lifestyle.
Every time we take a trip, I have to make special arrangements for the care of my pets. Now, I have been lucky enough to find a responsible honest college student who moves in and both house and pet sits for $20/day. That's a bargain compared to kennel costs and has the added bonus of better security for the house, too. However, she'll eventually graduate and either move away or be too busy with her career to continue house/pet sitting.
When you move, too, having pets is one more added component to the hassle. Some of us think it's worth it. (Obviously, I do.) So, I wouldn't be surprised that pet ownership, in general, is declining, just declining more slowly for the lower maintenance pets.
53. christipeters - 3/28/2001 4:02:25 PM
Oh, I forgot to mention - For apartment dwellers, there's the added expenses of pet deposits when you move in and paying for pet damage and/or stains (if there are any) when you move. That's another big consideration for some folks. When we first moved here, the pet deposits ranged from $150 to $600 per pet, depending on both how fnacy tha apartment complex was and how much the complex owner/manager liked/disliked pets.
54. Ronski - 3/28/2001 4:33:20 PM
Speaking of kitties, I recently sent away for "Soft Paws," which cover their nails for up to six weeks. I also bought a professional cat nail-clipper from them (for considerably less), and lo and behold, with a little determination and tough love I have virtually ended the shredding of furniture and scratching of wood surfaces just with the manicures. I may not even bother with the nail covers. We'll see. But I wish I had done this sooner. The clippers make all the difference. They fit around the nail nicely.
Feel free to move this post to H&G, if it fits better there.
55. Erin R. - 3/28/2001 4:36:24 PM
Too late for my cat--she's been declawed.
56. CalGal - 3/28/2001 4:54:16 PM
I think we’ve gone rights-mad. We attribute rights to everything and in that mad dash to do so trod over very basic liberties like self-determination.
Have you read about the trend away from juries for lawsuits? I wonder if the pendulum is finally swinging back the other way. There are a lot of big cases where a jury has been miffed at the judge's overturning or limiting their verdict, and more and more states are limiting the types of cases that can use juries.
As I'm sure you know, the legality of mandatory arbitration has also been upheld.
Given that a lot of these "rights" came about because of generous juries, it is interesting to wonder where we might go from here.
57. christipeters - 3/28/2001 5:26:40 PM
No doubt the pendulum will swing a bit too far the other way. Then swing again. Then, maybe in a few generations or so, we might hit a good balance that protects people's rights and holds them to their responsibilities.
(ok, so I'm an optimist)
58. Jamie R - 3/28/2001 5:42:48 PM
I'm mildly dog-phobic, and unfortunately live in a complex where it's not uncommon for big dogs to run loose. Nothing like taking out the trash and being surprised by a Rottweiller the size of a small horse.
I'm considering getting some kind of anti-dog device (one of the sprays or sound devices) not because I rationally think I need it, but because I think it might take some of the edge off my phobia.
59. thoughtful - 3/28/2001 5:44:51 PM
FYI, while on vacation we had the pet patrol people in for our cat -- $14/day and he checks the house to make sure the heat is on, brings in the newspaper and mail and feeds the cat and cleans the cat box....considering my cat goes nuts when anywhere but home I figure this is a great bargain.
60. thoughtful - 3/28/2001 5:51:01 PM
My brother was attacked by 3 dogs when he was 9 and delivering newspapers in our neighborhood. The dogs were kept behind a high fence which they managed to jump. He tried protecting himself with his bicycle, but they ran around it and were literally trying to tear him to shreds pulling different parts of him in opposite directions. Fortunately he suffered only a few bites as it was winter and he had a heavy coat and boots on and even more fortunately remains a dog lover to this day.
61. christipeters - 3/28/2001 5:57:25 PM
thoughtful - how terrible! I hope there were some consequences for the dogs and their owner.
When I was growing up, our city had a "two bite rule". The first time a dog bit someone, the circumstances were looked at and a decision made if the bite was provoked or if there were extenuating circumstances to let the dog off the hook. If no extenuating circumstance were found, the dog was euthanized. The second time a dog bit someone, it was euthanized regardless of the circumstances.
Could be harsh in some cases, but much as I love dogs, people have priority AFAIC.
62. vw - 3/28/2001 8:49:00 PM
Have you read about the trend away from juries for lawsuits?
No, I've missed that ... I need to poke around.
Anecdotally, my two experiences as a jury member have left me with the sense that 85% of the US population are utter morons. I was foreperson on a civil suit where our own decision was how much money the plaintiff was to receive (liability had already been settled but not the award). I actually found myself having to say to Juror #3 that her dislike of the plaintiff’s wife because of her choice in clothes was not going to be considered during our deliberation.
I am getting to be an old crank.
63. CalGal - 3/28/2001 8:53:48 PM
It was in the NY Times, I think. Maybe the Post. Probably within the past two weeks, so if you check soon you might be able to find it. I'll look later, if I have time.
Did you see that post I made earlier about some people now saying that pediatricians should start to ask about DV?
64. joezan - 3/28/2001 10:18:30 PM
Dogshit's a social issue?
What did I miss?
65. vw - 3/29/2001 8:49:55 AM
Did you see that post I made earlier about some people now saying that pediatricians should start to ask about DV?
Yeah, I tracked it down to the JAMA report.
I have to admit, I don't know what to say about this study. I'm kind of shocked that in a sample of 2648 women that 6.1% were abused (defined in the study as being pushed, hit, slapped, kicked, or physically hurt in some other way) during the preganancy. Is my math wrong or is that 161 women who reported physical abuse during their pregnancy?
I want to find time to go back and look at the sampling pool to see if it was from the general population or if it was women already receiving some kind of Infant at Risk support. They did mention an oversampling of women with low-birth-weight infants.
To the point, I'm not so sure that if this is a problem that making pediatricians into DV investigators is the way to go. There own data shows a decrease in the prevelance of abuse from pre-preganacy (6.9%) to during the preganancy (6.1%) to postpartum (3.2%). Why focus the attention at the lowest prevelance point? Doesn't it make more sense to have OB/GYNs take a look at this issue?
66. christipeters - 3/29/2001 9:47:11 AM
"Doesn't it make more sense to have OB/GYNs take a look at this issue?"
It makes sense to me. I have heard that in some DV situations, the violence occurs when there is an increase in stress, either within the relationship or totally unconnected - such as problems at work. Pregnancy, even planned and happy pregnancy, ceratinly adds stress.
67. bubbaette - 3/29/2001 11:32:31 AM
Anecdotally, the women I knew who were in abusive marriages stated that the abuse started during pregnancy. One in particular stated the abuser's rationale was that he didn't want children. She speculated that she had fewer options once pregnant since she was now responsible for a child she felt that leaving her husband was more difficult and costly.
68. JudithAtHome - 3/29/2001 11:35:21 AM
Maybe she should've thought of that before conceiving the child...do women still buy into that idea that a child will improve a wretched marriage where the husband is abusive, disinterested, intolerant and more?
69. bubbaette - 3/29/2001 11:37:31 AM
Judith
True -- the few women I know that were in abusive marriages got married very young.
70. JudithAtHome - 3/29/2001 11:49:37 AM
We are seeing the disintegration of our friends 20+ years marriage and it isn't pretty. He has become very verbally abusive to the point he is doing it in front of us and in public. They have 3 children, one in first year of college and 2 about to graduate high school. He is mid 40s and she is younger. He is very cruel in the things he says to her...
They are, in all seriousness, thinking of buying a bigger house, one of those newly built McMansions...I finally had to say something; it is ludicrous to think going into debt will improve this downward spiral in their relationship.
71. CalGal - 3/29/2001 12:51:17 PM
I've read before that there is a correlation between onset of abuse and first pregnancy. However, keep in mind that the woman has already been tolerating a great deal of very weird behavior by this point. He's already incredibly jealous, controlling, obsessive about what she wears and how she looks, demanding, and so on.
So if she tolerated all of that already and didn't really see much wrong with it, I am always leery of then trusting her when she says "the hitting started when I got pregnant." Maybe it was just the really bad hitting.
In any event, I think Donald Dutton had an interesting theory on why things escalated in pregnancy. I'll see if I can find his book at home.
72. bubbaette - 3/29/2001 1:14:11 PM
However, keep in mind that the woman has already been tolerating a great deal of very weird behavior by this point. He's already incredibly jealous, controlling, obsessive about what she wears and how she looks, demanding, and so on.
That was certainly true in the instance of my friend. It's also true that her female friends pointed this out to her before her pregnancy but we "just didn't understand him".
73. CalGal - 3/29/2001 1:16:54 PM
That's why I think much more should be done in profiling battered women. It does society and them a disservice to pretend that they're just chirpy normal people until this mean man comes along and fools her into tolerating abuse.
74. bubbaette - 3/29/2001 1:18:21 PM
On the other hand, bad judgment on her part in choosing a mate doesn't mean that she "deserves" battering.
75. CalGal - 3/29/2001 1:22:17 PM
"Deserves" has nothing to do with it. Rather, it's worth considering that the mate makes her very happy, with the hitting just this thing she'd wish he'd stop.
76. CalGal - 3/29/2001 1:22:44 PM
Well, "very happy" was sarcastic--rather, the behavior fills a need.
77. bubbaette - 3/29/2001 1:31:17 PM
I don't know that my friend had a "need" to be battered, either. She was smart enough to separate after the second or third incident, realizing that he wasn't going to change and the situation should not be tolerated. Admittedly the guy practiced obsessive behavior and verbal abuse before and more frequently than physical abuse.
78. CalGal - 3/29/2001 1:33:22 PM
No, the "need" is not the hitting. The hitting, to them, is an annoying side effect. But the other behavior is filling a need of some sort, clearly, or they'd dump the guys long before it got to the point of hitting.
79. bubbaette - 3/29/2001 1:39:40 PM
I can see that in some cases. I had a roommate in college who felt that her boyfriend "should" be jealous of her interactions with other men and that she "should" be jealous if she saw her boyfriend talking to another woman. I thought that was a pretty fucked up attitude at the time and told her so. I saw her a few years ago and she seems to have outgrown it.
But I do believe that some people are junkies for strong emotion -- whether negative or positive --and instigate situations where they get that kind of stimulation.
80. CalGal - 3/29/2001 1:46:08 PM
I think there are different "profiles". There is the woman who is reassured--not even so much by the jealousy, as by the feeling that this person won't leave. Then there are narcissists, who enjoy all the horrified emotional sobbing and presents they get after the hitting. Then there are those who are actually giving as good as they get--it's more of a mutually aggressive couple banging away at each other, with no real control issues.
There may be more. But it's very difficult to suggest that battered women are dysfunctional before they enter the relationship without causing a lot of fuss. No one wants to hear of that possibility.
I think that society spends too much time and effort "supporting" women and trying to coax them into leaving. I would be happier if the dynamic were to expect them to leave, and tell them that if they don't they are every bit as responsible for the damage to their kids as the abuser is.
81. bubbaette - 3/29/2001 2:03:50 PM
it's very difficult to suggest that battered women are dysfunctional before they enter the relationship without causing a lot of fuss.
I don't think that every woman who has been beaten is necessarily dysfunctional --particularly younger women who have little experience. Just like not every man who has ever hit a woman is a batterer. But those who STAY in those kinds of relationships or seek out another of the same type do have problems.
82. CalGal - 3/29/2001 2:05:54 PM
Oh, sure. I'm only talking of battering relationships.
That's one of the things that pisses me off: the egregious misuse of statistics in the DV debate. They cite all the cases of partner caused injuries in the hospital. But that's completely unrelated to how much DV there might be.
83. bubbaette - 3/29/2001 2:10:53 PM
I've become increasingly skeptical of all statistics used in support of political causes. During the empircal analysis classes I had while working on my MPA, we always had the beginning of the class period devoted to pointing out the lies damned lies and statistics from our local paper and USA Today.
84. CalGal - 3/29/2001 2:14:16 PM
I've become increasingly skeptical of all statistics used in support of political causes.
Me, too. But that's because so many of them trumpet correlation as if it is causality.
There is very little true discourse about social problems. Whether it's abortion, DV, racism, crime--everyone pushes their pet numbers. And yet it's so rare that those numbers have jackshit to do with anything.
85. CalGal - 3/29/2001 2:14:45 PM
..or is it causation? Cause? I've only had three hours sleep the last two nights; am getting groggy.
86. Åse - 3/29/2001 2:16:16 PM
Causation (usually).
Mantra goes: Correlation does not imply causation.
87. CalGal - 3/29/2001 2:17:45 PM
Yes, I say that a lot. I really am groggy.
88. Jamie R - 3/29/2001 10:18:36 PM
I'm very impressed. Gone are the days when I can function effectively on that little sleep.
89. vw - 3/30/2001 8:30:16 AM
Damn, I can't remember the name of the British woman who started one of first battered women shelters in Britain and wrote about her observations that a significant portion of the women she saw were what she called "violence-prone". She observed that there seemed to be two major groups of battered women, those who just needed help in getting out of the home and then they were gone for good and those who kept coming back over and over again with each situation an escalation in violence over the previous.
This woman went from being the darling of the British Feminist movement to having her essay on her observations “banned” by the organizations because they attributed a certain amount of culpability for being battered to the violence-prone women.
90. mgleason - 3/30/2001 8:58:45 AM
You must mean Erin Pizzey. The linked site features her book, Prone to Violence.
91. vw - 3/30/2001 9:00:19 AM
Bless you, mgleason! Damn you are the Saint of Needed Links aren't you (grin)!
92. mgleason - 3/30/2001 9:02:28 AM
I get around, Ma'am!
93. vw - 3/30/2001 9:25:13 AM
94. arkymalarky - 3/30/2001 12:07:07 PM
My best friend in high school did the opposite (sort of). She came from a very violent household--the story I remember most is of the kids (there were nine of them) sitting around the dinner table when her dad jumped up for whatever reason and grabbed his pistol, flinging their mother to the floor with it loaded, cocked, and at her head. My friend thought she'd done great to marry a man who was simply an alcoholic--one of the worst I'd ever seen, who passed out on the couch daily to the point he wouldn't even get up from it to piss--while bragging to me that she'd leave him in a heartbeat if he ever put a hand on her.
95. vw - 3/30/2001 12:33:26 PM
Another school shooting - one dead.
96. CalGal - 3/30/2001 12:37:24 PM
The last two have been copycat.
Arky--yes, it's just a matter of needs being met.
97. vw - 3/30/2001 12:45:39 PM
This one seems to be of the personal vendetta sort rather than a spree. The shooter was a former student who shot a 17 yo in the parking lot.
That won't stop people from blaming bullying though (sigh).
98. arkymalarky - 3/30/2001 12:51:10 PM
Hmm. I'm not sure what you mean by needs, unless it's just a continuation of a bad homelife as "normal" for her. Her family life was really bad, but the thing that she felt was so horrible was the physical abuse of her mother. It never occurred to her that there's more to a good marriage than not being hit, and life with an alcoholic (actually she's one herself, but not to that degree) was perfectly fine and acceptable to her as long as it was unviolent. He also happened to be a spoiled, obnoxious control-freak, but that's another story.
Several ironies and sidenotes to the story: 1) her dad's now very docile and he and his wife are about as normal as any couple--to meet them you'd never know his history and 2) my friend's husband finally quit drinking, unfortunately not before he'd pickled his brain, but she's still at it, and 3) their two kids are completely ruined. The continuing cycles of domestic hell are really depressing.
99. arkymalarky - 3/30/2001 12:52:09 PM
I thought the one before that was a personal incident as well, where one girl shot another one? Or did she just do it randomly?
101. seadate - 3/30/2001 1:01:26 PM
what happened to the vw's centennial post?
102. vw - 3/30/2001 1:01:46 PM
You forgot the one in El Cajon, CA on
March 22, 2001, that one seemed to be a personal incident as well that just went wrong.
103. seadate - 3/30/2001 1:02:00 PM
Not fair!
104. vw - 3/30/2001 1:02:58 PM
what happened to the vw's centennial post?
Man! It evaporated? The God's are against me.
105. seadate - 3/30/2001 1:03:09 PM
103 refers to 101
106. bubbaette - 3/30/2001 1:04:18 PM
Hey! I posted twice straight into the ether. There's a ghost in the Social Issues thread.
107. vw - 3/30/2001 1:05:25 PM
Great, they gave me a defective thread! It didn't do that when I took it out for a test spin.
108. seadate - 3/30/2001 1:06:01 PM
vw,
I don't know about the Gods, but we are again made aware of the powers of our reigning Mote Pope.
109. vw - 3/30/2001 2:01:09 PM
Does the First Amendment Cover Threats Against Abortion Doctors? A federal appeals court reverses a landmark ruling against the purveyors of the anti-abortion 'Nuremberg Files' web site.
110. vw - 3/30/2001 2:03:25 PM
Here's a mirror site of the original Nuremberg Files site
112. vw - 3/30/2001 2:06:23 PM
??????
We didn't have a pace started to change from.
113. Jon Ferguson - 3/30/2001 2:09:36 PM
Sorry, vw, I thought that the topic was the defective thread/disappearing post conspiracy.
114. JudithAtHome - 3/30/2001 2:09:45 PM
vw:
Jon is having issues with Indiana Jones in the Religion thread so he decided to take IJs question and place it here, where Jon has decided it belongs.
115. JudithAtHome - 3/30/2001 2:12:48 PM
From the site vw linked to....
The three-judge panel decided the now-infamous web site is, in fact, protected under the First Amendment because its language does not blatantly authorize or directly threaten violence.
And yet those listed on it continue to be "marked off" after they are murdered??
116. vw - 3/30/2001 2:20:27 PM
The latest deal is to encourage people to stand outside clinics and videotape everyone that enters or leaves the building and then post the video online.
Does anyone know what the laws are surrounding that kind of video distribution?
117. vw - 3/30/2001 2:27:56 PM
Thread Janitor Note: I deleted post 111 as it is now floating around in several threads. If some one is actually interested in discussion it, please reframe the question and post again.
118. JudithAtHome - 3/30/2001 2:33:10 PM
vw:
If you are filmed by a newscrew, they have to get you to sign a waiver before they can run the tape on the 6 o'clock news...I don't think these people videotaping "customers" at clinics know what sort of trouble they can get into with this disgusting idea.
119. mgleason - 3/30/2001 2:33:27 PM
The man suspected of killing NY obstetrician Dr Barnett Slepian has been arrested in France, as well as two persons accused of helping him in NY:
Extradition Sought in Abortion Case
120. vw - 3/30/2001 2:38:28 PM
Persuading France to release Kopp for extradition to this country may require waiving the possibility of the death penalty for him, Justice Department officials told The Buffalo News.
Man, that scorches my butt. Not that I am rabidly pro-death penalty, just that we have to put up with the frickin' French dictating our legal options as a nation.
121. vw - 3/30/2001 2:40:22 PM
If you are filmed by a news crew, they have to get you to sign a waiver
Yeah, that I knew, but I think that’s because the news station is a for-profit endeavor therefore they can’t “profit” by using your image without a release. I’m not sure of not-for-profit situations, which arguably this site would be.
122. JudithAtHome - 3/30/2001 2:41:39 PM
Why wouldn't this fall under "invasion of privacy" on those filmed?
123. vw - 3/30/2001 2:44:17 PM
I don't know, but IIRC, the site was using photos of MDs taken by private citizens on the street the last time around and I'm not sure if they got pinged for invasion of privacy on those either.
124. mgleason - 3/30/2001 2:45:22 PM
The clinics should begin dispensing Groucho Marx spectacles, with the attached nose and mustache. That would scorch the collective butts of the ahem, activists.
125. vw - 3/30/2001 2:46:25 PM
(grin) How about rubber G.W. Bush masks?
126. Shannon - 3/30/2001 2:50:48 PM
I just had to sign a release for my son to be videotaped by a TV news crew at school.
The wording wasn't specific to the TV station, though. It actually gave the school board authority to use his image, etc.
We have a local station run by a right-wing nut politician (this man has brought plastic fetuses to the legislature as visual aids for his rantings). When Operation Rescue was in town back in '92, of course all the media was out in force. The camera crew for this station was making a point of filming patients. I was doing clinic defense--we made posters attacking the TV station, and the patients hid behind those.
127. vw - 3/30/2001 2:58:39 PM
Yeah, but you know when a film crew is on the street taping a protest in front of the Capitol that it doesn't get release forms from everyone in the crowd so I'm not sure exactly where the line is drawn
128. wonkers2 - 3/30/2001 3:49:25 PM
Seems to me that the 3-judge panel carried the 1st Amendment a bit far. I wonder how the judges would have reacted if their names, addresses and telephone numbers had been posted on a similar site. I would have limited the site to arguments, photos, etc., opposing abortion and prohibited them from publishing anything about the doctors, other employees of the clinics or the patients. But I'm not a lawyer.
129. vw - 3/30/2001 3:56:34 PM
I wonder how the judges would have reacted if their names, addresses and telephone numbers had been posted on a similar site.
And they are risk for it they are including in the list of people that are targeted for information collection. From the mirror site:
130. wonkers2 - 3/30/2001 4:11:01 PM
Seems to me that the crime of extortion could be stretched a bit to cover that kind of thing. Or isn't threatening or soliciting bodily harm a crime?
131. vw - 3/30/2001 4:14:39 PM
Or isn't threatening or soliciting bodily harm a crime?
That seems to be the argument. The old Web site never said "shoot these people". They just urged the collection of the information, posted it and called the people listed murderers.
132. robertjayb - 3/30/2001 4:16:42 PM
news from NARAL...
April 1, presented as part of HBO's "America Undercover
Sundays," SOLDIERS IN THE ARMY OF GOD looks at the abortion
battlefield through the eyes of men and women who are
convinced that the killing of abortion providers and the
bombing of clinics is justifiable homicide in the name of
ending legalized abortion. SOLDIERS IN THE ARMY OF GOD
includes harrowing footage of abortion clinic attacks, most
notably the murder of a physician and his escort in
Pensacola, Fla., as well as interviews with survivors who
were targeted in the attacks.
SOLDIERS IN THE ARMY OF GOD debuts SUNDAY, APRIL 1
(10:00-11:15 p.m. ET), exclusively on HBO. Additional
playdates include April 4 (midnight) and 7 (9:30 am).
133. vw - 3/30/2001 4:18:14 PM
Damn, I wish I had HBO.
134. wonkers2 - 3/30/2001 4:19:39 PM
Watch out when you see army and God in the same sentence!
135. CalGal - 3/30/2001 4:36:01 PM
Every time I see stories like this, I think the same thing: the reason it is tolerated is because the majority of middle class and above Americans aren't getting inconvenienced by it. It only "works" because the general public isn't seriously affected.
Which brings up something else I've been wondering for a while--what is the abortion rate these days for middle and upper class women, whether single or married?
136. Erin R. - 3/30/2001 8:04:48 PM
Don't know--but my mother tells me the abortion rate is highest among married Catholic women.
137. mgleason - 3/30/2001 9:23:25 PM
Incidence of Abortion in the US from the Alan Guttmacher Institute:
WHO HAS ABORTIONS?
52% of U.S. women obtaining abortions are younger than 25: Women aged 20-24 obtain 32% of all abortions, and teenagers obtain 20%.
While white women obtain 60% of all abortions, their abortion rate is well below that of minority women. Black women are more than 3 times as likely as white women to have an abortion, and Hispanic women are roughly 2 times as likely.
Catholic women are 29% more likely than Protestants to have an abortion, but are about as likely as all women nationally to do so.
2/3 of all abortions are among never-married women.
On average, women give at least 3 reasons for choosing abortion: 3/4 say that having a baby would interfere with work, school or other responsibilities; about 2/3 say they cannot afford a child; and 1/2 say they do not want to be a single parent or are having problems with their husband or partner.
About 14,000 women have abortions each year following rape or incest.
This is a great site; they have many reports and studies on tap.
138. Cellar Door - 3/30/2001 9:33:39 PM
139. joezan - 3/31/2001 9:31:38 AM
Privacy laws, wrt taping/photographing people without their knowledge - in whatever circumstances - vary widely from state-to-state.
A few months ago, in fact, I was watching an investigative report (on CBS?) which dealt with privacy in the communications age, and it was very scary.
For instance, the show reported on the case of a couple from the south (forget which state, but I think Arkansas) who bought a house from a guy they knew from church.
A year later, after catching the guy in the attic (along with many other suspicious incidents), they found spy cameras hidden all over the house and vcr machines under the insulation in the attic.
The guy could not be charged with anything - not even breaking & entering, according to this report, because no laws existed covering such behavior.
140. joezan - 3/31/2001 9:37:47 AM
Hey - we're all mighty bold around here, aren't we?
Anyway, in the same show they also focused on "voyeur" websites, where people hidden-camera post photos of women in bathrooms, dressing rooms, etc. Very sick stuff.
But no law in many places against taking such photos, and absolutely no law against these websites' making the photos available on the internet.
141. arkymalarky - 3/31/2001 9:38:17 AM
I think we need a "right to privacy" amendment.
142. joezan - 3/31/2001 9:39:38 AM
...where people post hidden-camera photos...
143. joezan - 3/31/2001 9:41:15 AM
..especially you Arkansas pervs.
144. arkymalarky - 3/31/2001 9:44:42 AM
Tell me about it.
145. JudithAtHome - 3/31/2001 9:55:30 AM
That story about the bugged house just gave me the creeps...I heard one like it concerning motels once. Yuck!
146. JudithAtHome - 3/31/2001 9:58:18 AM
And why wouldn't that sort of crime be covered under invasion of privacy, anyhow?
147. arkymalarky - 3/31/2001 3:57:00 PM
I decided to take this to the "right" thread.
Jon,
"So is anybody with any sense who has taken the time to look at the science rather than buying into the PC bullshit that passes for conventional wisdom."
So racism equals common sense that most of the rest of us are too PC to cop to? What a tidy justification for prejudice. If you think you've got "science" behind your bigotry, then whatever makes your view of other races palatable to you, I guess. It never escapes my notice that the whites most prone to that attitude always seem to be scraping the bottom of the gene pool. I had placed you intellectually quite a bit above the inbred morons who spout that crap in my neck of the woods.
148. wonkers2 - 3/31/2001 8:48:47 PM
He reminds me of a puppy who's not yet housebroken.
149. Jon Ferguson - 3/31/2001 8:58:47 PM
arky
Here's the entire relevant part of the post. I'd appreciate it if you didn't quote me out of context:
If by racist, you mean that she thinks that certain races are genetically predisposed to certain traits and characteristics, then yes, she's a racist.
So is anybody with any sense who has taken the time to look at the science rather than buying into the PC bullshit that passes for conventional wisdom.
Now, before we start arguing, I'd like to know what we're arguing about.
Is it your contention that certain races are not genetically predisposed to certain traits and characteristics?
150. Jon Ferguson - 3/31/2001 9:03:23 PM
This ludicrous notion that 'all men are created equal' is absurd.
If one were to take it to its logical extreme, one would come to the conclusion that genetics plays no role whatsoever in the physical, psychological, intellectual and emotional development of a human being. It would assign all differences between people to environmental variables.
That, my friends, is horse twaddle. Pure and simple.
151. Jon Ferguson - 3/31/2001 9:15:17 PM
As far as prejudice goes, I don't prejudge people. Therefore, I am not prejudiced.
And I don't discriminate against people once I discover that they are stupid, regardless of race.
Otherwise, why would I be here? (g)
So please drop the prejudice argument.
Am I a bigot? Well, here's the definition:
A person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions.
If I'm a bigot, I'm certainly not the only one here. And as the smartest person in the vast majority of conversations I enter, it's not too surprising that seldom do I encounter someone with the mental faculties to frame an idea or argument in such a way as to help me to achieve wisdom or enlightenment.
152. wonkers2 - 3/31/2001 9:15:33 PM
Jon, the concept is that all men and women are created, not identical, but equal in ultimate value before the law (one vote, etc.). Four quarters equal one paper dollar, but they aren't identical. I'm sure our forefathers noticed that everyone wasn't identical. Obviously, some are taller, shorter, smarter, etc.
153. Cellar Door - 3/31/2001 9:18:13 PM
So much for the U.S. Constitution, eh Jon? Why not just use it for toilet paper.
Your studied obtuseness on this matter is positively CalGalesque.
"Created equal," means everybody's supposed to get the same chance at the starting line. Whether they cross the finish line is another matter entirely. Equal Opportunity is not the same thing as Equal Result.
But you knew that and "plum fergot," didn;t you?
154. Jon Ferguson - 3/31/2001 9:34:26 PM
Wonkers
I agree, that 'equality before the law' is what the framers intended (excluding women and racial minorities, of course) but this phrase has been coopted by the PC crowd to mean a whole lot more.
If arky shares your narrow interpretation of this phrase, then I'll happily drop it. At any rate, I really can't continue this until she responds.
155. Jon Ferguson - 3/31/2001 9:34:30 PM
Actually, that's the Declaration of Independence, CD, but thanks for sharing.
What country did you say you are from?
156. mgleason - 3/31/2001 9:36:25 PM
Here's a link to a very good site on the American Eugenics Movement.
157. Jon Ferguson - 3/31/2001 9:41:44 PM
Hi Maria, nice link.
I'm all for eugenics. Unfortunately, given its ugly, genocidal, xenophobic past, it's political suicide to support a stronger, healthier, smarter, faster, better-looking human population.
On the other hand, if everyone else was as strong, healthy, smart, fast and good-looking as me, I wouldn't be the awesome specimen that I am.
Maybe eugenics isn't all it's cracked up to be. (g)
158. mgleason - 3/31/2001 9:51:47 PM
Jon,
To give Francis Galton his due, he was a proponent of positive eugenics (the practice of encouraging the birth of children to parents having qualities considered desirable to the community). Unfortunately, this country and Germany were seduced by the idea of negative eugenics (the practice of attempting to prevent the birth of children considered likely to be defective, degenerate, or of unfit parentage).
The prospect of cloning will bring all the closet eugenicists out of the closet. This should be an interesting century.
(Definitions from the OED.)
159. Jon Ferguson - 3/31/2001 9:57:28 PM
Maria,
The cloning phenomenon and the human genome project and its progeny will make eugenics inevitable. I'm sorry it likely won't be perfected in my lifetime, but I'm glad that it's so overwhelmingly likely to happen.
Medicine is so primitive. Poison, cut and burn. The only way to fix us once and for all is to start at the source, in our genes.
160. JudithAtHome - 3/31/2001 10:02:16 PM
Am I a bigot? Well, here's the definition:
A person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions.
If I'm a bigot, I'm certainly not the only one here. And as the smartest person in the vast majority of conversations I enter, it's not too surprising that seldom do I encounter someone with the mental faculties to frame an idea or argument in such a way as to help me to achieve wisdom or enlightenment.
I'm sorry; this just struck me so very funny I had to post it.
161. mgleason - 3/31/2001 10:03:39 PM
Jon,
Have you ever read Beggars in Spain, by Nancy Kress? There are two sequels, but neither is as strong as the original, an expansion of a novella by Kress. I think you'd enjoy it.
162. Jon Ferguson - 3/31/2001 10:05:28 PM
Glad I gave you a chuckle, Judith.
What's up with Cal? Do you know?
She was positively delightful to me for 3 weeks and all of a sudden, she snapped.
163. Jon Ferguson - 3/31/2001 10:06:34 PM
Maria,
Thanks for the recommendation. I'll pick it up at Chapters tomorrow.
164. CalGal - 3/31/2001 10:08:06 PM
Maria,
I thought the novella was far superior to the novel, myself.
165. mgleason - 3/31/2001 10:13:53 PM
CG,
So did I, but I enjoyed the book-length treatment. The only problem with great novellas is that they're over too soon.
166. arkymalarky - 3/31/2001 11:55:04 PM
Jon,
Stop kissing the mirror.
First, different does not automatically imply superior/inferior, and that was your implication in the second paragraph, which I quoted.
Second, had I included the first part of your post it wouldn't have changed my point, but reinforced it. The nature vs nurture argument has been done to death, but no one "with any sense" would attribute all human traits to one or the other solely. My personal opinion, partly based on the visible transition of many black Americans from poverty and ignorance to successful lives in recent years, is that the environment imposed on them by discrimination and segregation which is still to some degree ongoing socio-economically, and which has only been significantly affected by government intervention since the mid-60s, has impacted their current low socio-economic status as a group.
167. joezan - 4/1/2001 12:26:23 AM
And as the smartest person in the vast majority of conversations I enter...
Jon rides the little yellow bus to work, at the Sheltered Workshop.
168. joezan - 4/1/2001 12:27:16 AM
...Nice gif. at the top of the page, btw.
Whose work is it?
169. wonkers2 - 4/1/2001 9:41:44 AM
Jon, The straw that broke the camel's back?
170. vw - 4/1/2001 11:54:33 AM
Folks, perhaps I need to clarify my position on appropriate discussion in this thread.
Post you opinion, defend it, back it up and do so with all the vigor, vehemence and passion you wish to exert. If your post consists of nothing but a personal attack on another poster outside the context of the discussions, I will remove the post. If your post consists of nothing but commentary meant to drag a personal argument from elsewhere into this thread, I will remove it.
I have nothing against strong language and passionately held beliefs, but I am bored to death with infighting, snit attacks and multi-thread goading. Avoid those and we’ll all be happy little campers.
171. CalGal - 4/1/2001 12:00:48 PM
Would it be fair to say that the US does not have a consistent social policy--reflected in subsidies, taxes, laws, etc?
Is there any country that does?
I'm not saying that we should have a consistent policy, I'm just curious what others think and how we differ from other countries.
172. vw - 4/1/2001 12:00:53 PM
Another really worthwhile read is Genome: The Autobiography of a Species in 23 Chapters by Matt Ridley.
It has the background concerning the interaction between genetics and environment that The Bell Curve and the works critical of it are missing.
Specifically, chromosomes 7 & 16 seem to play an important role in the integration of behavioral factors into genetic predispostions.
A real plus is that Ridley has a very entertaining writing voice.
173. CalGal - 4/1/2001 12:07:03 PM
I have that book, but I've only read the first three chapters.
Chromosomes 7 & 16 have something to do with how people react to behavioral factors?
174. vw - 4/1/2001 12:17:55 PM
Damn! I knew I shouldn't have posted that when I only have 10 minutes before leaving (grin)
Ridley uses chromosome 7 (which plays a part in speech... IIRC in speech aquistion) to demonstrate the connection between behaviors (speech, grammar, etc.) and genetics (aacquistion of speech, readiness to hear langugage, etc.) and then aruges that here is an example chromosome 7 is a gene that equips humans with an instinct (behavior of speech) that has literally shaped our human culture.
His conclusion is that we should be no more surprised by genes for behavior than we are at genes for development.
175. Jon Ferguson - 4/1/2001 12:23:30 PM
arky
I do not favor racial discrimination.
That's why I oppose affirmative action.
I'm glad we agree on this point.
I also oppose segregation.
Now that we've cleared that up, perhaps you could return to what you disagree with about my original statement. If nothing, then I would suggest that we have nothing to argue about.
If your only quibble is your truly extraordinary belief that although there are genetic 'differences' between races, none of those 'differences' affect the human brain (the most extraordinary example of the power of evolution that we have) then perhaps you could substantiate that belief. Do you believe that evolutionary advances take 'political correctness' into account before occurring? Or do you not believe in evolution at all?
176. Cellar Door - 4/1/2001 12:55:22 PM
I believe evolution will rid the world of Conservabots.
177. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 1:04:04 PM
Jon,
I told you already. Read #166 again. It has everything in it that I had to say about your position on racial differences. If you'd care to specify exactly what "genetic predispositions" you think black Americans possess it might better clarify the differences in our opinions.
178. CalGal - 4/1/2001 1:11:11 PM
vw,
I'm just reading the book now. Also interesting is 6, which has the "intelligence" gene (supposedly).
16 is on memory.
179. Cellar Door - 4/1/2001 1:12:44 PM
The white race is on its way out.
So grab all the gusto you can get, guys!
180. wonkers2 - 4/1/2001 3:16:18 PM
Jon, That's right, our country's most pressing social problem is discrimination against whites through affirmative action. You've got it all figured out. Lack of progress by Blacks is solely because of their innate laziness and stupidity. So, why waste the taxpayers' money on education, public health and the like?
181. PelleNilsson - 4/1/2001 3:35:10 PM
wonkers
At last a voice that dares speak out! A voice that dares address the world such as it is in frank and open terms. Such a welcome relief from the coward Ferguson who hints and jabs but cannot bring himself to lay bare his real thoughts about The True Nature of the Negro.
182. Francis Urquhart - 4/1/2001 3:36:20 PM
Jon's modest proposal is that certain races are genetically predisposed to certain traits and characteristics. As to the physical, I assume this is an accepted point.
Assuming that Jon speaks to intelligence, arky and wonkers and cellar become predictably hysterical. Jon responds with self-referential and mildly amusing testaments of superiority.
With that out of the way:
Arky, uncle wonkers, and Cellar: are certain races genetically predisposed to certain intellectual traits and characteristics? If so, which ones and how?
Jon, what intellectual traits and characteristics are exhibited by African-Americans as a result of genetic predisposition?
I'll hang up and wait for your answers.
183. Francis Urquhart - 4/1/2001 3:38:26 PM
Pelle
It is unseemly to cheerlead a cheerleader.
184. PelleNilsson - 4/1/2001 3:41:43 PM
Well, Francis, I'm unfamiliar with the finer points of American ethics.
185. CalGal - 4/1/2001 3:41:58 PM
Can race even be genetically distinguished?
186. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 3:42:51 PM
You're certainly fond of misusing the word hysterical, FU. It belies your own tendencies to try to mask your heightened emotions toward certain topics in dry commentary which you delude yourself is insightful.
In short, I do not believe blacks are genetically predisposed to be intellectually inferior to whites. Do you?
187. Francis Urquhart - 4/1/2001 3:42:53 PM
It is less an issue of ethics than one of taste.
188. CalGal - 4/1/2001 3:47:24 PM
But is race genetically distinguishable? Where does it start, if so?
189. Francis Urquhart - 4/1/2001 3:49:15 PM
arky
That was not my question. My questions is broader. You avoid it necessarily, because you struggle between a desire for 1pristine thoughts and some basic knowledge of genetic predisposition.
I don't bob and weave so transparently. With regard to your query on African-Americans, my answer is the same as yours.
Now that we have tackled an issue in the specific, and hopefully, now that you have had another opportunity to declare your non-racism, try my question again.
Forget blacks and whites in these here United States. Anywhere, anyplace --
Are certain races genetically predisposed to certain intellectual traits and characteristics (to the better or to the worse)?
190. Francis Urquhart - 4/1/2001 3:50:07 PM
And on that note, as I said, I'll have to hang up and check responses out later.
Adios.
191. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 3:52:11 PM
No.
FU has evidently done what's been typical of him for quite some time now--dropped a big pile, which he mistakes for incisive truth with a dash of wit, and left.
192. Cellar Door - 4/1/2001 3:59:29 PM
"Arky, uncle wonkers, and Cellar: are certain races genetically predisposed to certain intellectual traits and characteristics? If so, which ones and how?"
White Heterosexaul Males are predisposed to poor choice in clothing and whining incessantly about how Black Heterosexual Male sports stars are getting all the pussy. At the same time they admire/envy said sports stars -- many of whom prefer the company of transvestites to females.
What causes this?
I neither know nor care.
Latino lawyers from D.C are another matter entirely.
193. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 4:01:37 PM
"You avoid it necessarily, because you struggle between a desire for 1pristine thoughts and some basic knowledge of genetic predisposition."
I'm avoiding nothing and there is no struggle, except with you trying to maintain an air of detached composure after being called on your M/O. Contrary to your self-perception, your bobbing and weaving is very transparent. At least Jon has way more guts than you do.
I have no "desire for pristine thoughts," just a basic belief that races have the same intellectual capabilities given similar circumstances. I'm well aware of the studies of the varying races and IQ differences. I look forward on your return to seeing your "basic knowledge of genetic predisposition."
194. seadate - 4/1/2001 4:33:30 PM
... interesting that the most flaming racists here are the most likely to accuse others of racism.
195. vw - 4/1/2001 4:34:07 PM
Can race even be genetically distinguished?
I think the answer is "kind of". You can look for certain markers for race specific traits like sickle cell anemia. You can look for the melanin makers but that only distinguishes between "light and dark" not race per se. If you had the computing power and the time, you could trace markers back through populations (like the Eve study did). But I don't believe there is a "race gene" which can be tested for in the same manner that we can identify sex.
196. vw - 4/1/2001 4:34:54 PM
melanin makers = malenin markers
197. wonkers2 - 4/1/2001 4:36:58 PM
FU, Beats me! Soon after publication of The Bell Curve,I participated at a class reunion in a discussion of intelligence led by a noted psychology professor. He was reluctant to express definite opinions. If memory serves me, he pointed to definitional problems with intelligence or intellectual traits, and difficulty testing for "innate" intelligence because of environmental influences. He said there have been inconclusive efforts to relate measurements of reaction time and other physiological traits to pure brain function or "innate" intelligence. When asked about the quality of research in "The Bell Curve" his response was fairly negative.
Aside from the problem of defining intelligence and separating innate from environmentally affected capacity, there are definitional problems with the concept of race. When I was in college, "Christian" fraternities commonly excluded applicants with 1/8 or more Negro or Jewish ancestry. Even today many people with mainly white ancestry still consider themselves and are considered by society as Black. Similar contradictions exist for Hispanics whose ancestry ranges from pure Spanish to pure American Indian, to pure African and infinite mixtures of the above with admixtures of other racial groups. So, this also makes it fruitless to ascribe intellectual traits to these groups. Even generalizing about physical traits is difficult.
Beyond this, most of the efforts to rank the intelligence of races come from the right (one of the authors of "The Bell Curve" was a career GOP flack, as I recall, and the other a Harvard professor with a shaky reputation in his field) and from opponents of affirmative action and other efforts to improve public education and ameliorate inner city problems. This makes their claims suspect. Innate racial differences in intellectual capacity, if indeed there are any, are small and meaningless compared to differences due to social conditions and have no implications for public policy.
198. RickNelson - 4/1/2001 4:45:52 PM
I agree with Wonkers2 post.
This quote in particular states, for me, the top level influence upon intelligence,
"difficulty testing for "innate" intelligence because of environmental influences".
199. vw - 4/1/2001 4:50:14 PM
definitional problems with intelligence or intellectual traits
I think this is the core problem for me, we don't have a widely accepted defintion or measure for "intelligence". One of the most striking examples of this I have seen was a series of studies by an animal behavoralist who was looking for a cross-species measure for intelligence.
We all have a kind of informal ranking of other species for intellegince. We "know" mammals are more "intelligent" than reptiles that are more "intelligent" then insects. We know a dog is more "intelligent" than a mouse and so on.
Unfortunately, we can't come up with a measure of intelligence that holds up across all these species. You can create a test where "lower" mammals rank out where we expect them to, but than elephants fail.
The differences in environmental adapations of the species confounds are ability to create a consistent measure. By extension, it is reasonable to conject that differences in environmental adaptions within species would create the same confounding dynamic.
200. vw - 4/1/2001 4:51:15 PM
Man, sorry for the typos ... I'm not even going to bother correcting all of them.
201. CalGal - 4/1/2001 4:58:28 PM
one of the authors of "The Bell Curve" was a career GOP flack, as I recall, and the other a Harvard professor with a shaky reputation in his field
You recall incorrectly. Murray is a libertarian, and Herrnstein did not have a "shaky" reputation in his field. He had caused a fuss earlier by talking about intelligence--again. Within his field, he was generally well-regarded.
In fact, the real problem is that generally accepted facts about intelligence make people very nervous.
1. There is no dispute that heredity and environment play a big part, but the case for heredity has always been clearer, whereas environmental factors haven't been nailed down.
2. The fact that "race" patterns exist in IQ scores has been true for a long time.
3. While IQ may possibly be malleable, the case for it being fairly unchangeable is stronger at this point in time.
Toss race into the picture and this makes people uncomfortable. But in fact, if there is a bias, the bias is towards smart people, not towards white people. Racism exists, certainly. The issue is how much is it affecting results?
It sounds wonderful to prattle on about environment and social conditions, but while M&H's case has been smacked about, there are plenty of other studies that have suggested or established a lot of their baseline case--which is, remember, that IQ is a better predictor of success than socio-economic conditions.
And none of this has anything to do with race and "genetic characteristics", since race can't even be defined genetically.
202. Francis Urquhart - 4/1/2001 4:59:59 PM
in order to avoid ruffling the feathers of good and fine people who fear extrapolation of such thought to social policy, I'll throw out a popular truism based on genetic predisposition on an intellectual level.
Asians Do Math Better than non-Asians.
It seems a simple proposition.
1) Is it true?
2) If so, is it attributable to non-genetic factors?
3) If so, what are those factors?
4) Could those non-genetic factors be in concert with genetic factors?
Now, again, I can only stay for a moment. I apologize if actually asking questions and positing argument detracts from the feel-good "How dare you!" posturing of late.
I'll check in next time I get a chance.
203. CalGal - 4/1/2001 5:00:35 PM
I think this is the core problem for me, we don't have a widely accepted defintion or measure for "intelligence".
Quite true. Although I like the guy who said, "Intelligence is what we measure on intelligence tests."
204. Cellar Door - 4/1/2001 5:00:51 PM
The fact that "race" patterns exist in IQ scores has been true for a long time.
then
Toss race into the picture and this makes people uncomfortable.
Where did the quotation marks go?
205. CalGal - 4/1/2001 5:06:10 PM
Cellar,
That's what makes it so ironic. There's no genetic basis for race, apparently, yet at the same time people want to use it as a definition.
For example, no one wants to use race as a basis for IQ patterns, but lots of people want to use it as a basis for affirmative action.
So I used "race" in quotes the first time because, given people's tendency to jump to conclusions, I wanted it to be clear that I wasn't talking about genetics.
206. Cellar Door - 4/1/2001 5:11:18 PM
"For example, no one wants to use race as a basis for IQ patterns, but lots of people want to use it as a basis for affirmative action."
Apple Meet Orange.
There was a very good bit on "Some of My Best Friends" a week ago in which Alec Mapa threatened a roomful of straight Italians by demanding they apologize for making homophobic remarks or else he wouldn't fix their broken cable connection so they could watch the fights. They duly apologized -- and he skipped out. Why? He had no idea of how to fix a broken cable connection.
207. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 5:14:55 PM
"I'll throw out a popular truism based on genetic predisposition on an intellectual level."
What evidence do you have that it's "based on a genetic predisposition" and not cultural? I don't have any either way, but if there is a breakdown of hereditary and environmental influences on that fact, by all means offer it up.
"I apologize if actually asking questions and positing argument detracts from the feel-good "How dare you!" posturing of late."
Don't flatter yourself as being that much a thorn in the side of the prevailing view. For future reference, if you don't want to "ruffle feathers" don't accuse people falsely of being "typically hysterical" on your entry into a debate, idiot.
Oops. Hope I didn't ruffle any feathers there.
208. mgleason - 4/1/2001 5:15:10 PM
Here's a brief summary of Herrnstein and Murray's claims WRT race and IQ, as well as the rebuttals by their critics.
209. Cellar Door - 4/1/2001 5:18:43 PM
210. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 5:19:04 PM
"There's no genetic basis for race, apparently, yet at the same time people want to use it as a definition."
There is an obvious and visible physical genetic basis for race. The debate comes in when people look at IQ differences and correlate it to an intellectual genetic difference.
211. Jon Ferguson - 4/1/2001 5:20:47 PM
arky
My simple point is that people who ignore the data and cling to their politically correct notions, while smearing as 'racists' those who wish to conduct scientific research on the differences in certain physical and mental attributes owing to our racial genetic makeup are acting irrationally. If you want to reject scientific evidence, be my guest. But no amount of rational argument will justify your position. A few ad hominems seems to be the best that you and your supporters can muster.
If we can agree that I, a genius, shouldn't have more rights than you, a person of average intelligence, then what fucking difference does it make to say that, even after factoring out as many external factors as possible, on average, orientals are more successful at tests measuring reasoning ability than whites are and that that difference is statistically significant?
West Africans tend to be great leapers and sprinters relative to other races/ethnicities.
East Africans tend to be great long-distance runners relative to other races/ethnicities.
European whites tend to have great upper body strength relative to other races/ethnicities.
So fucking what? We can make generalizations about a race, supported by overwhelming statistical scientific evidence, without being racist. Or if you want to call it racist, then you have to clarify that it's not a negative slur.
There is no reason to believe that if there are physical dissimilarities owing to genetics that there shouldn't be mental dissimilarities owing to genetics. If you disagree with this point, explain your reasoning.
212. Jon Ferguson - 4/1/2001 5:20:56 PM
The only answer you can come up with is:
I'm a strong believer in equality. I've been conditioned to believe that all people are born with equal potential. I've been conditioned to believe that it is socially unacceptable to acknowledge differences between races. Rather than stand on logic and principle over political correctness, I choose to ignore the evidence and continue to spout what I've been conditioned to believe. It is easier that way and more people will like me.
213. RickNelson - 4/1/2001 5:22:26 PM
What I know from experience is that environment and not genetics has more to do with intelligence than an inherited trait for intelligence(within a median sample). Also I disagree that someone with higher intelligence will have measurable chances to step up and out of socio-economic deprivations. I think there is no measure which can support any claim that their intelligence saves them from negative environs. Individual cases do not define a rule for the group, which in my opinion, is rather broad in scope, both population, race, location, etc....
On the other hand, I think there is a measurable affect of socio-economic advantage upon acedemic success. Though this is again a broad scope, time and again we hear of sholastic success where economic conditions have improved educational opportunity.
214. Cellar Door - 4/1/2001 5:26:30 PM
"My simple point is that people who ignore the data and cling to their politically correct notions, while smearing as 'racists' those who wish to conduct scientific research on the differences in certain physical and mental attributes owing to our racial genetic makeup are acting irrationally."
In other words "Do as I say OR ELSE!"
"Science" is never to be questioned. When our Invisible Friends in the Sky won't do, we have "scientific objectivity" to aide us. And anyone who dares to question it is "irrational."
"I'm a strong believer in equality."
How nice
"I've been conditioned to believe that all people are born with equal potential. I've been conditioned to believe that it is socially unacceptable to acknowledge differences between races."
How horrible for you! All that "conditioning"!
215. RickNelson - 4/1/2001 5:26:54 PM
Good article Cellar, there's to damn many like it in Minnesota!
216. CalGal - 4/1/2001 5:27:42 PM
Maria,
Actually, that link demonstrates something that has always irritated me.
1, 2, 4, 5 and 7 aren't M&H claims. They are, in one form or another, generally accepted within the psychometric community.
So to put them on the list of M&H "claims" is to pretend they are controversial. They aren't. The study and measuring of intelligence might be controversial, but not the results.
That leaves 3, 6, 8, 9, and 10.
3 and 6 have been supported by other studies since--and as Ase's link mentions, there have been other private assessments of M&H's NLSY data that have reached fundamentally similar results.
8 is hardly arguable. If it were caveated with "Race and SES plays no role" it would be controversial, but as stated, I'm not sure what the fuss is about.
9 and 10 are unquestionably political assertions made by the two.
So out of that whole group, only two of them are claims that are only made by M&H.
217. Cellar Door - 4/1/2001 5:28:25 PM
Well what do you expect from the "Liberal press," Rick?
218. CalGal - 4/1/2001 5:29:22 PM
There is an obvious and visible physical genetic basis for race.
As vw points out, there is a genetic basis only for melanin markers, or whatever. That's hardly a genetic basis for race.
219. Jon Ferguson - 4/1/2001 5:31:02 PM
CD
Your reading comprehension skills leave a lot to be desired. The second post was a summary of arky's position (without all the bullshit accoutrements.)
220. RickNelson - 4/1/2001 5:32:02 PM
I think there are to many self-centered egotists who think that science is here to give them explaination for their existence. That gives them excuse to close their eyes and ears to what they could redily learn by experiencing conditions within and effects of varying environments. A scientist in a lab will not learn about environmental effect unless they live within and experience that environment. It's pretty simple reasoning, which even self-centered egotists can understand.
221. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 5:32:27 PM
"There is no reason to believe that if there are physical dissimilarities owing to genetics that there shouldn't be mental dissimilarities owing to genetics. If you disagree with this point, explain your reasoning."
No one has yet to offer any genetic evidence in support of your claim. In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if you know what definable, verifiable genetic evidence even means. Like you claim wrt God, I simply do not believe in the existence of something for which there is no evidence. When you've got genetic proof that differences in intellect among races are part of their unchangeable genetic makeup, let me know.
"I've been conditioned to believe that it is socially unacceptable to acknowledge differences between races. Rather than stand on logic and principle over political correctness, I choose to ignore the evidence and continue to spout what I've been conditioned to believe. It is easier that way and more people will like me."
Bzzzzt! Wrong again. I do not believe that there is a genetic basis for inferiority of one race intellectually. Period. Sorry I don't agree with your CW, Jon. Provide me irrefutable evidence of a genetic basis for intellectual differences or climb down from the flag pole. You might get hurt.
And you're no genius. You're a Smerdyakov.
222. CalGal - 4/1/2001 5:38:57 PM
Maria,
And then, as far as the "rebuttals" go--they aren't really rebuttals. They don't contradict any of the claims directly.
First, they complain about the concept of "race". "Race" has been used in sociological studies for a long time, and only now they're getting around to complaining about it? To say nothing of the fact that in other of their points they mention "minority group status". That is, race.
Some of them are much closer to wishful thinking. There is, increasingly, little good reason to believe that racial difference in IQ measure economic differences. Group averages haven't changed all that much. And the case for test bias has been pretty much eliminated, although Steele's work on test performance is interesting--although that is also quite new.
I thought this was particularly amusing:
M&H: American society is a meritocratic society, in which cognitive ability is an important component of economic success
"Rebuttal": Cognitive ability is one component of economic success in modern American society along with, for example, ambition, creativity, and skill at interpersonal relations.
Quite apart from the fact that M&H made much the same point, how does this differ from what M&H said?
223. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 5:38:57 PM
"As vw points out, there is a genetic basis only for melanin markers, or whatever. That's hardly a genetic basis for race."
What are you defining race as? Of course VW also mentioned things like sicle cell anemia, but even without that, any physical traits of a particular race would be genetic--color, hair, etc.
224. mgleason - 4/1/2001 5:40:15 PM
CG,
The summary presents the points made by Herrnstein and Murray without regard to exclusivity, and the answers to those points. I find it useful as a frame for the debate, without accepting that everything stated by M & H is false and the refutations by their critics unimpeachable.
225. CalGal - 4/1/2001 5:41:40 PM
What are you defining race as?
Are Arabs and Africans the same race? How about Hispanics and Africans?
So give me a skin color or melanin count that is definitively "black".
Give me a hair color that's exclusive to Hispanics.
Give me an eye color that makes someone definitively white. Someone with blue eyes can't be black, right? Can't qualify for AA?
226. CalGal - 4/1/2001 5:42:59 PM
Maria, I wasn't complaining about your source or confusing that source with your position. I was just pointing out that it is incorrect to say that those are the points made by M&H's book. Very few of them are.
227. mgleason - 4/1/2001 5:44:23 PM
Rick,
A scientist in a lab will not learn about environmental effect unless they live within and experience that environment.
Your observation flies in the face of the scientific method, which is the 'systematic observation, measurement, and experiment, and the formulation, testing, and modification of hypotheses.'
228. Jon Ferguson - 4/1/2001 5:44:45 PM
Like you claim wrt God, I simply do not believe in the existence of something for which there is no evidence.
You most certainly do, my dear. You believe in the incredibly naive notion of absolute intellectual equality among all races. In spite of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. In fact, you are so emotionally attached to your mistaken belief, that you aren't even willing to concede the possibility that you might be mistaken. That's the result of PC conditioning. You are brainwashed.
Provide me irrefutable evidence of a genetic basis for intellectual differences or climb down from the flag pole.
Provide me irrefutable evidence there is no God. Your fallacious reasoning is exceeded only by the thumpers in Religion, my dear. 'Irrefutable evidence' almost never exists, arky. You are clinging to your erroneous beliefs because they comfort you, just as the thumpers cling to theirs.
I see this is fruitless. Your arguments are specious and irrational. I've made my overwhelming case. You've failed to address (or perhaps, to comprehend) my central arguments. No point in continuing this given how ingrained your prejudice is.
229. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 5:45:03 PM
Once again, these people all have discernible physical characteristics, so what is your definition of a race?
230. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 5:47:26 PM
Ok, forget irrefutable Jon. Just make sure the evidence is genetic in nature. You have not stated one fact that supports a genetic basis for differences in intellectual capabilities between races.
231. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 5:48:35 PM
229 was to Cal. Sorry.
232. CalGal - 4/1/2001 5:51:35 PM
Arky,
I am saying that there doesn't appear to be a genetic basis for race. At the same time, it has been used for studies for a long time--based primarily on skin color or last name, I figure. That's what I find ironic. Some people squawk about how there really isn't such a thing as race when it's used as a comparison point for intelligence tests, but they don't mind it when the same thing is used for affirmative action.
But it's the same thing in both cases. It's a convenient grouping that is used, and that's fine. It's not the same thing as saying that races are genetically distinguishable.
233. mgleason - 4/1/2001 5:54:43 PM
CG,
I don't see how you can say that the summary isn't a faithful presentation of M & H's arguments in The Bell Curve. Again, the summary doesn't purport to report only the claims that are exclusive to M & H, nor does it give more weight to the views of their critics. It simply presents both sides, without comment. As you note, some of the rebuttals are weak.
You're reading too much into it; it's meant to foster debate.
234. CalGal - 4/1/2001 6:00:19 PM
Maria,
I think you're missing the generic nature of my rant. It's not even geared towards that link in particular, just the process.
If someone reads that M&H made the claim that blacks generally score lower on IQ tests, they figure that this is a debatable, questionable claim.
But M&H don't make that claim. It is largely considered a given. So why include it?
Most of the "rebuttals" made to the Bell Curve were of this nature. They were complaints about the fundamentals--about g, about the racial difference in IQ tests, and so on.
I wasn't faulting your link, because it is much the same as all other "summaries" of the debate. But I think the "summaries" are all extremely inaccurate.
235. Cellar Door - 4/1/2001 6:01:11 PM
It's not meant to foster debate at all. It's meant to promote racism as "rational."
236. arkymalarky - 4/1/2001 6:01:43 PM
Cal,
But the original grouping by race was based basically on physical characteristics alone. In the original division of people into three races, caucasoid, negroid, and mongoloid as groups all were defined according to distinct physical traits. I know that package was too neat and there are many different physical features to be found in the human species, but since races were originally identified based on physical traits it's hard for me to understand what you're trying to say wrt race and genetics--that it's a false construct? That there are no generally distinguishing physical characteristics of different races? Or simply that there is no one genetic marker defining a specific race?
237. mgleason - 4/1/2001 6:10:41 PM
CG,
M & H do report that blacks generally score lower on IQ tests. Perhaps you're focusing too much on my use of the word 'claim' - a claim is any assertion, without regard to validity or provability. So when I use 'claim,' I'm not saying that their assertions are in dispute.
Cellar,
How can you possibly take that summary as promoting racism?
238. RickNelson - 4/1/2001 6:11:50 PM
I cannot deny I've challenged the scientific method Maria. I stand by what I've asserted with regard to socio-economic influence and its' effect upon intelligence. The effects cannot be measured in a lab with scope that will enable the truth. I have asserted the scope is to broad to be measured, and I will give some reasons.
The deprivations will include, family life, housing, food, clothing, drugs, crime, abuse, neglect, job, etc.... Each of these will have variations of effect. The measure of all the variations is what causes the sample to be unpredictable. Therefore the samples will be inevitabley skewed in every test, save an extremely large study.
Whose going to do that one, the government? HA, then will anyone believe the result isn't biased? I think the scientific community will be stymied to find a satisfactory method or sample from which to relate accurate results.
The consequence of this is that any scientific method relating intelligence to socio-economic deprivation is likely, in my opinion to be biased and skewed. Not necessarily with malice, I don't believe it is possible to create accurate results.
I do however believe that persons who have lived through the conditions of deprivation can relate the effects with some degree of accuracy for which the scientist will be unable to duplicate in a lab. These persons would have to be followed from their beginnings of life to secure adulthood, and the sample will have to be very large, perhaps thousands from each factor of the scope. Then I would believe the study.
239. RickNelson - 4/1/2001 6:14:43 PM
socio-economic influence = socio-economic deprivation
240. Cellar Door - 4/1/2001 6:15:19 PM
The core of problem is the belief that whitness is the natural order of things and everything else is a deviation from the norm.
241. mgleason - 4/1/2001 6:17:17 PM
I disagree, Rick. One does not have to experience something in order to measure the effects, effects that do not need to be 'duplicated in a lab.'
While environmental factors are the very devil to account for and isolate, as are genetic ones, that doesn't mean that they are impervious to analysis.
242. RickNelson - 4/1/2001 6:47:56 PM
Maria you're right that idea is a bear.
243. wonkers2 - 4/1/2001 7:06:27 PM
Cal, Ok, Murray is a libertarian ideologue rather than a GOP flack. My point was that he comes from the hard right and opposes government expenditures, regulations, etc, to improve education and social conditions AND that he had no particular credentials that qualified him to pronounce on race and IQ. Finally, his pronouncements were influenced by his libertarian position. I guess there is no easy way to resolve our difference over Herrnstein's stature. Seems to me he doesn't come from the mainstream in his field, which I concede doesn't prove that he did shoddy work. However, I recall reading quite a few negative comments on "The Bell Curve" by scholars in articles and letters to the editor in publications like The Atlantic, New York Review, New York Times. I didn't go so far as to look for articles in academic journals. Did you?
244. Autodaffy - 4/1/2001 7:27:30 PM
No argument depends on who is voicing it or who attacks it or whether it has been "questioned" (another weasel criticism recently used herabouts). Ever hear of ad hominem arguments?
245. mgleason - 4/1/2001 7:37:13 PM
For CG:
A site devoted to The Bell Curve.
246. mgleason - 4/1/2001 8:11:46 PM
Nicholas Lemann's review of The Bell Curve in Slate.
247. wonkers2 - 4/1/2001 8:38:26 PM
mg, The Slate article is a good one. I was only able to bring up three of the 5 case studies. I may have read it and have been influenced by it when it originally was published. Tnx. I commend it to CalGal.
248. mgleason - 4/1/2001 8:45:37 PM
You're welcome, Wonkers. You should try the case studies again; they all work for me.
249. wonkers2 - 4/1/2001 8:56:51 PM
I will. Do you know who did The Bell Curve site?
It struck me that it may have been done by Murray or the book's publisher or the American Enterprise Institute because it led off with a bunch of stuff by Murray and listed a a comment by Arthur Jensen in the balanced category.
250. wonkers2 - 4/1/2001 9:10:00 PM
I got them all to work. The article and the case studies confirm my conclusion that the book is more a piece of ideology than scholarship. I did a little browsing in Upstream where The Bell Curve site appeared. It seems to by an on-line equivalent or cousin of The National Review, filled with articles in the same vein as The Bell Curve.
251. Jon Ferguson - 4/1/2001 9:13:07 PM
Maria,
Mr. Lemann's quibbles are distinctly unimpressive.
Quibble 1
H&M assert that 'the liberal position on IQ--namely, "Intelligence is a bankrupt concept"--has been discredited.'
Mr. Lemann says 'The notion that IQ tests are completely useless never prevailed in liberal academia to nearly the extent that Herrnstein and Murray say.'
So what? What matters is that the stated position has been discredited, not whether or not all liberals held that position.
Quibble 2
Smart people rise to the top, but you can't prove that they rise to the top because they're smart. Maybe it's just because the top universities only accept the smartest people.
So what? Smart people deserve to rise to the top. If you want to see what happens when you put stupid people in charge, look at the Mote. For many years, the children of the rich were in charge, now it's smart people. Wonderful!
Quibble 3
H&M haven't been able to perfectly isolate IQ and have in some cases included education in measuring how smart someone is when running the regression on how predictive IQ is to future economic success. The evidence to support this assertion is that for economical reasons, H&M had to rely on results from the Armed Forces Qualifying Test rather than a true IQ test.
So what? In a perfect world, you could test every American with an IQ test, and then run a genetic analysis of their DNA down to the last chromosome. This isn't a perfect world. The Armed Forces Qualifying Test is a very good, albeit imperfect, measurer of IQ.
252. mgleason - 4/1/2001 9:13:46 PM
I don't know who's behind the site, but this is what they say about themselves:
These pages are a home for the intellectually heterodox, the politically incorrect and other independent thinkers. A home for outlaws.
They're allied with pinc (politically incorrect), an occasional Internet magazine tackling political correctness, taboo subjects and latter-day shibboleths: race, intelligence, feminism, postmodernism, higher education, speech codes and more, but you probably guessed that.
253. Jon Ferguson - 4/1/2001 9:26:43 PM
Quibble 4
In an analysis of whether IQ is more predictive of future economic success than socioeconomic status, 'Herrnstein and Murray get their measure of socioeconomic status by averaging four factors at equal weight: mother's education, father's education, father's occupation, and family income. The last two of these were missing for many of the National Longitudinal Study of Youth subjects, and in those cases, Herrnstein and Murray substituted an average for the entire sample.'
According to some, that skewed the results.
Again, life isn't perfect. The variables were missing. They did the best they could with the data they had.
Apparently, some liberal researchers reran the test by making up data instead of using an average for the entire sample. They got different results. Go figure.
Quibble 5
H&M chose not to investigate the predictive nature of education to future economic success in isolation because 'education is too much a result of IQ.'
That goes without saying. The fact that IQ rises with education (duh!) and the fact that there is 'a higher correlation between college degree and family income than between IQ and family income' are irrelevant. Of course IQ isn't the ONLY predictor of future economic success, nobody said it was.
Quibble 6
H&M say that IQ is very highly heritable (40-80%).
Mr. Lemann replies: No, no, it's only highly heritable. (34-46%)
Get bent, Mr. Lemann. And stop engaging in the fallacious reasoning and 'bad science' that you're accusing H&M of.
254. mgleason - 4/1/2001 9:28:18 PM
Jon,
WRT your quibbles:
1. Lemann is making the point that the notion that H &M are allegedly discrediting, the 'liberal' position on IQ, is a straw man. The actual position is more nuanced.
2. The second point has to do with social class; as Lemann says, the premise that intelligent people used to be scattered throughout the class structure, and are now concentrated at the top--is almost impossible to prove.
3. The problem with the AFQT is that scores tend to rise with education.
255. mgleason - 4/1/2001 9:37:26 PM
The rest of the quibbles:
4. Their absence of those factors still affects the results.
5. Factoring in the effects of higher education, might, as Lemann suggests, support the pro-education philosophy that H & M discount.
6. There's nothing wrong with citing the proper range.
256. wonkers2 - 4/1/2001 9:39:00 PM
Jon, So what's your point? Don't pussyfoot around. Aren't you saying that Blacks are genetically inferior to whites, so why waste the taxpayers' money on a lost cause? I wonder why you're being more oblique than usual.
257. mgleason - 4/1/2001 9:39:13 PM
I'm going to a late movie, so I won't be around. So long.
258. Jon Ferguson - 4/1/2001 10:04:03 PM
Maria
Thanks for stating the obvious.
I didn't say that Mr. Lemann's quibbles were entirely without merit, only that they were 'distinctly unimpressive' and I will now add that they have certainly not 'seriously undercut the claims of the controversial best seller.' (emphasis mine)
Have a great evening. I hope the film's a good one.
Wonkers
I will say that many African Americans are smarter than many Caucasian Americans. What's the point of being needlessly inflammatory? What matters to me is the individual, not generalizations about a group.
But if you insist upon making generalizations about a group, they'd better be accurate. Not some hippie PC bullshit.
If you want me to make a generalization, here's one I'm happy to make: Asians (as a group) are, from the studies I've seen, intellectually superior to whites (as a group).
259. joezan - 4/1/2001 10:09:10 PM
...but we're better-looking.
God is always fair, in the allotting of the gifts.
260. Jon Ferguson - 4/1/2001 10:23:47 PM
And Joe's reaction is exactly the right one to have.
If I was a smart, successful black man like CD, (except I was straight), and somebody said to me:
Whites (as a group) are, from the studies I've seen, intellectually superior to blacks (as a group).
I'd say 'Yeah, but we're better looking, we dance better, we run faster, we've got bigger dicks, better music, the best athletes, etc., etc. ... and I personally am smarter than 99% of you white motherfuckers, so how do you like them apples?'
Nobody ever said that intelligence is the be-all and end-all. And genetic differences (other than pigmentation) between races do exist.
Anyway, I'm bored with this topic. It's really not one that interests me all that much and far moreso from the intellectual honesty vs. hippie PC brainwashed claptrap angle than from the Race X is superior vs. All races are EXACTLY THE SAME because my hippie parents who watched the 'I have a dream speech' 1000 times said so angle.
It's kind of like defending Cazart or this XTC guy. I know that they both were wrongfully fucked over by the PTB, but that doesn't mean I'm keen to be perceived as their 'buddy.'
In this case, I don't want to be seen as a redneck or white power freak just because I believe that science trumps conventional wisdom.
261. mgleason - 4/1/2001 10:23:48 PM
AAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH! The movie time didn't match what was published in the paper.
Jon,
The obvious needs stating sometimes, especially when the focus shifts.
Lemann’s objections to The Bell Curve don’t seem unimpressive to me. H & M depend on the confluence of a number of factors to add weight to their thesis, and when the support for those factors is whittled away, their edifice is much less secure. The case studies at the end of Lemann’s critique serve to illuminate the shakiness of some of their conclusions.
I am not one who shrinks away from scientific analysis, and don't consider any subject taboo, but I am left cold by researchers who will not submit to the rigorous demands of such analysis.
(Corrigendum: 4. in Message # 255 should read The absence of those factors...)
262. Cellar Door - 4/2/2001 12:34:43 AM
If I was a smart, successful black man like CD, (except I was straight),
Aha! You've isolated my most important quality!
and somebody said to me:
Whites (as a group) are, from the studies I've seen, intellectually superior to blacks (as a group).
I'd say 'Yeah, but we're better looking, we dance better, we run faster, we've got bigger dicks, better music, the best athletes, etc., etc. ... and I personally am smarter than 99% of you white motherfuckers, so how do you like them apples?'
And I'd say "Jeez! Are you a hopelessly gullible moron or just a garden-variety racist?"
263. wonkers2 - 4/2/2001 8:39:33 AM
It's especially depressing to see such a young racist as Jon-boy. His attitudes remind me of my grandfather's generation and the Hitler Youth.
264. vw - 4/2/2001 3:44:43 PM
The complaints allege offensive behavior by non-Jewish professors toward Jewish colleagues, ranging from ignorance of or insensitivity to Jewish culture and history to blatantly anti-Semitic remarks. from the Washington Post article upthread. Emphasis mine.
When did ignorance of another culture become tantamount with discrimination?
265. CalGal - 4/2/2001 4:00:22 PM
Which post article?
Maria,
I read the Lehmann article; some of his points are refuted in the other link you brought in (www.mugu.com). I'm tied up today--and feeling a bit zonked by the DST switch, is it only me?--but will respond.
266. CalGal - 4/2/2001 4:07:08 PM
Oh, I found it. It's odd that such a hotbed of discrimination would hire a Japanese American president.
267. Cellar Door - 4/2/2001 5:29:20 PM
Mike Silverman - 02:00 pm PDT - Apr 2, 2001 - #5522 of 5523
Bush is an asshole with sinister motives. Accept that as a given, and everything makes sense.
The social fabric of the Netherlands was spontaneously rent asunder today as the Dutch legalized homosexual marriage.
Just as the first few tens of gay couples applied for marriage licenses, roughly 8 million Dutch couples filed for divorce.
"Though I've been married to Piejter for 21 years and we've raised two children, since same sex couples can marry, our vows just don't mean anything anymore" Nijmegen housewife Anna Rijndel said. "So, it's over."
Other parts of the Netherlands saw massive incidents of civil disturbances and outright rioting.
"Since gays can marry, I figured it was OK if I made off with some electronics," Hans Shijndorf said as he carried away a television and a stereo from the smashed window of a department store.
Frogs have reportedly rained from the sky 30 kilometers south of Amsterdam, and there were unconfirmed reports that a small boy who was plugging a dike with his finger was repeatedly sodomized.
American evangelist Fred Phelps has been reportedly mobilizing his followers for the final battle between good and evil that the actions of the Dutch have precipitated.
"I told them this would happen, I surely did. When I told them that legalizing marijuana would call down God's wrath, they didn't listen to me. Two weeks later, half of Amsterdam was incinerated by a heavenly pillar of fire," Phelps ranted. "You'd think they would have listened this time."
268. glendajean - 4/2/2001 5:44:00 PM
Instead of Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), they should could have named it Defense ALL Things We Hold Sacred Act (DATWHSA).
269. ScottLoar - 4/2/2001 6:04:38 PM
re Message # 258: No, as a group East Asians and South Asians seem to be more canny, more shrewd, more highly educated (not better read mind you) than whites as they deplore gullibility, advance shrewdness and sharp bargaining, and equate higher education with financial security. They almost universally suffer from clannishness, a world view myopic in the extreme, a pronounced lack in adult life of creativity and insight (insight, in my opinion, being the quality of an agile mind), and are sometimes overly educated to the extreme of impracticability (as witnesses the PhD running a restaurant to make a living). They further generally suffer from a pedestrian outlook which advances their economic condition at the expense of all else (Amy Tan describes this well) as the family dictates the sons and daughters commit to a profession of high income and thereby avoid the travails of life yet enjoy its comforts.
270. Jon Ferguson - 4/2/2001 9:08:26 PM
Thanks for the clarification, Scott. What you say rings true.
271. Cellar Door - 4/2/2001 10:03:37 PM
"canny, more shrewd, more highly educated"
In other words, they're Jews!
What can be done to stop this Yellow Hebrew Menace?
272. pogie - 4/2/2001 10:14:44 PM
Actually, the fact that several asian groups are currently analogous to jews in the us several decades or so ago has been noted in some articles. I believe even salon did one on it, some while ago. But basically the pattern seems to be asians in a position similar to jews (not yet fully assimilated, high income, emphasis on education, clannishness and emphasis on family) and in another generation or so they will be 'default white' (able to poke fun of their culture in the mainstream, but not really discriminated against as they are 'pretty much white' at that point.) With hispanics, a similar pattern is occurring, but those groups are mostly a lot lower income, so the default white status will likely take several more generations to kick in. To me, california (particularly northern cali) has already started considering south/east asians defaullt white and assimilating them as just about mainstream.
273. wonkers2 - 4/2/2001 11:24:16 PM
Pogie, Are you sure they want "to be considered default white?"
274. pogie - 4/2/2001 11:33:47 PM
Well, jews are set off slightly from the default of euro-descended WASP, as are italians and irish. Those groups of asians are simply likely (along with several of the spanish speaking groups) to get tossed into that pool of 'white'-- still retaining ethnic identity, but no longer discriminated against based on it. In other words, a shift in how the mainstream views them regardless of them actively trying to assimilate or not.
275. Erin R. - 4/2/2001 11:35:18 PM
pogie,
When do you think that Americans of African ancestry will become "default white?"
276. arkymalarky - 4/2/2001 11:39:39 PM
I hope you get time to read back through this thread discussion, Erin. I'd be interested in your input.
277. wonkers2 - 4/2/2001 11:41:31 PM
Is "default white" Silicon Valley Girl talk by any chance?
278. Erin R. - 4/2/2001 11:46:57 PM
I'm way behind on my Moting. I've only caught bits and pieces of this discussion.
279. pogie - 4/2/2001 11:48:24 PM
I personally think america's heading down the road of brazil in some ways as far as that goes-- as in lighter skinned or 'exotic' looking multiracial/mixed black people will be able to slide in, possibly some mid-range skin color people (cf the cosby show for a general idea of skin colours that would likely fit--several midrange people, a couple of very light/mixed people in that tv family).
However, I have noticed that non american blacks (particularly west indians) are setting themselves up societally the same way some asian groups are, so they may follow that trajectory even though they are very dark skinned. But I don't know how far america's color biases will extend. With brazil, middling dark skin and lighter tend to be much better off, and asians/hispanics are mostly lighter skinned to midrange, with the addition of straighter hair and in some cases more euro-type features. So I figure some blacks will make it in, but I'm not sure which ones excepting very light or multiethnic ones.
280. pogie - 4/2/2001 11:56:04 PM
Default white is just my personal term for groups accepted by the mainstream, even if they deviate somewhat from the vintage WASP default that is mostly cliche now. Just looking at stuff like the much higher rates of hispanic/white or asian/white interracial pairings; and the AAP (asian-american princess) phenomena, it just seems like america is expanding its definitions of 'white' to embrace asian and hispanic groups, though it hasn't fully yet.
281. Erin R. - 4/2/2001 11:56:38 PM
Lighter skinned blacks in this country have traditionally had more options--this is nothing new.
My son is approximately 1/4 African-American. I often wonder how he will be perceived...to me he's just my son, but since he was born, strangers have made comments about his ethnic background. Not bad comments. But still.
Anyway, it just makes me wonder.
282. Erin R. - 4/2/2001 11:58:04 PM
I agree that eventually, many hispanic groups will be "white." I've seen it happening already.
283. wonkers2 - 4/3/2001 12:16:36 AM
Erin, We'll judge your son by the content of his character.
284. Erin R. - 4/3/2001 12:18:53 AM
One hopes.
285. Stumbo - 4/3/2001 12:26:10 AM
Mark my words, folks:
After beating Jack Nicklaus' career major win total at the 2011 U.S. Open, Tiger Woods will turn to politics, and get elected president in 2020.
(For the sake of diversity, he will pick Jorge P. Bush as his running mate.)
286. Stumbo - 4/3/2001 12:51:32 AM
... And he will serve two full terms in office, despite assassination attempts by 43 of JadeGold's 52,967 nephews twice removed.
287. ScottLoar - 4/3/2001 8:01:19 AM
Pogie's scenario seems correct.
288. Erin R. - 4/3/2001 9:26:11 PM
I have a couple of problems with that scenario:
1. "Race-mixing" has always been prevalent in the U.S. Why is it a big deal now?
2. Why is it that anyone has to be "default white?"
289. angel-five - 4/3/2001 10:28:27 PM
Lots of forms with a race index on them now have 'White - Non-Hispanic' listed on them.
My guess is that Pogie's scenario is what's going to happen to a certain degree -- but not in America as a whole unified entity. Phenotypes that are culturally privileged in one area of the States will be second class in another. It will depend on what state you live in, and in some situations what city, whether you are what he'd call 'default white'.
My guess is that the break is going to go along skin color, lighter being more favored, because lightness of skin color has a pretty dramatic correlation with median income. Ethnic groups stereotypically perceived as being wealthy aren't exempt from being racially discriminated against -- American Jews would be a shining example. Still, money is power.
290. angel-five - 4/3/2001 10:34:59 PM
In answer to Erin R.'s two statements:
'Race-mixing' (incidentally, a phrase I dislike because I usually hear white supremacists using it) isn't exactly widespread in America, and in parts of it it's still something that draws a lot of fire.
In an ideal world no one has to be default white. This is extremely far from being an ideal world. The concept exists because, well, people are notable for ingrouping and outgrouping people based on their evident culture and their distinguishable traits. There's never been a mixed society on the face of the Earth, as far as I know, which hasn't practiced some form of racial discrimination. It is regrettable and certainly to be checked at every opportunity but it is nevertheless real and here to stay.
291. CalGal - 4/3/2001 10:39:06 PM
Why is it that anyone has to be "default white?"
I thought pogie's clarification made sense; namely, that it's not so much they'll be perceived as "white", but as "mainstream".
I have wondered for some time now if the primary problem with the continuing prejudice against black people hasn't a lot to do with their overrepresentation in the poor and the criminal class (as a percentage of population), as opposed to skin color and appearance.
If that representation were ever addressed, it would be interesting to see if we followed the "Brazil" model or not. The success of recent African immigrants that pogie mentions seems to suggest the possibility of it being otherwise, anyway.
292. Erin R. - 4/3/2001 10:39:21 PM
It may not be widespread from your standpoint, but it's always been quite common within the black community.
293. Erin R. - 4/3/2001 10:40:48 PM
Hm...blacks were vilified in this country before they had much opportunity to be overrepresented in the poor and criminal classes.
294. CalGal - 4/3/2001 10:41:59 PM
It may not be widespread from your standpoint, but it's always been quite common within the black community.
Yeah, I remember when that Spike Lee movie came out--I'm sure it was old news to black people, but that was really the first time I'd realized that blacks still rated themselves by how "white" they looked.
295. angel-five - 4/3/2001 10:49:07 PM
It may not be widespread from your standpoint, but it's always been quite common within the black community.
Probably. The mathematician in me feels compelled to add that that will always be the case in any population where blacks -- or any other ethnic group -- constitute 12% of the population, even assuming zero racial bias when it comes to selecting a spouse. Nine out of every ten potential spouses an African American can take will not be African American. One out of every ten potential spouses a Wasp can take will be African American.
And I was speaking from the perspective of America as a whole.
296. CalGal - 4/3/2001 10:51:31 PM
Hm...blacks were vilified in this country before they had much opportunity to be overrepresented in the poor and criminal classes.
Oh, of course. Good lord, I didn't mean to say otherwise. I am speaking more of the past 20-30 years. I'm also not pointing fingers--there are many reasons why blacks are overrepresented in the poor and the criminal class, and it's sure as hell not as simple as well, they're not working and they're breaking the law. It has a great deal to do with how the US handles poverty in general, white or black.
But the black middle class is doing extremely well in many ways, and by and large, the default assumptions about individual based on minority status start to fade or at least become countermanded as the group begins to work its way into the middle class.
However, this has not happened for blacks--I'm speaking of the stupid, yet painful, things, like women clutching their purse and panicking if a black man gets into the elevator, cab drivers (of any color) refusing to pick up black fares, neighborhoods converting to all black once a percentage of black residents move in, and so on.
Why, when this sort of thing doesn't happen for other minorities, once they start being well-represented in the middle and upper classes, as blacks are? Which is why I wonder about the over representation of blacks in the poor and criminal classes. It allows the stereotypes to persist, even if the majority of blacks don't fit the stereotype.
297. jexster - 4/3/2001 10:52:09 PM
Looneys to the Left of Me..Wingnuts to the Right..Into the Valley of Death!
This afternoon, my statistics professor instructor was trying to illustrate something called the chi-square test of statistical significance.
To do so he started with a hypothetical cross tabulation of grades (A-F) with gender where most of the males got A’s and B’s and most females got D’s and F’s.
First question he asked “Well just glancing at this table of a random sample of grades in my classes what does it appear to show before we calculate chi-square”
I blurt out “Well it shows that men are smarter than women!”
Of course, this did not go over well in a class of probably the most looney left politically correct majors at the University.
“NO! Its supposed to suggest gender bias in my grading!”
He had to let class out 15 minutes early.
298. Erin R. - 4/3/2001 10:52:28 PM
I'm suggesting that there are things you may not see, simply because you may not be immmersed in the culture.
299. angel-five - 4/3/2001 10:53:10 PM
I'm trying to recall a time when African Americans , on average, occupied anything but the poorer tiers of our economic system. Trying and failing. If you can jog my memory I'd be grateful.
Granted, the roots of racism are not found in socioeconomic status, at least not to a large degree. For a long time non-whites were looked down upon as a result of spurious scientific claims that they were demonstrably inferior homo sapiens. Or they were the Devil's children, or they were heartless scum, or whatever. However, socioeconomic status has a way of lessening the effect of racism.
300. angel-five - 4/3/2001 10:55:22 PM
I'm suggesting that there are things you may not see, simply because you may not be immmersed in the culture.
What culture is it that you think I'm immersed in, out of curiosity?
301. Erin R. - 4/3/2001 10:59:08 PM
I honestly don't know. I'm just guessing you're not black, but of course I have no way of knowing.
I don't think there has ever been a time when blacks have not occupied the lowest economic tiers in the U.S.
302. angel-five - 4/3/2001 11:04:43 PM
I don't think there has ever been a time when blacks have not occupied the lowest economic tiers in the U.S.
That was my impression as well, which is why I cocked an eyebrow when you said that blacks were vilified before they had a chance to be overrepresented among the poor. No matter though.
303. CalGal - 4/3/2001 11:05:07 PM
I'm trying to recall a time when African Americans , on average, occupied anything but the poorer tiers of our economic system.
They haven't. Other way round. Asians and Hispanics have all experienced prejudice in years past, but once they got established and represented in the middle class and beyond, a lot of the prejudice disappears. It's not gone forever, but it is abated. Yet blacks have solid representation (I believe) in the middle and upper classes, but the prejudice is still there and still in full force. Why?
I suppose it is possible that it really does have to do with skin color, but Asians and Hispanics are both easily identifiable in appearance--they can't "pass" very readily. In fact, more blacks can "pass" than either of those two groups, I believe.
So it seems to me that, among all but your actual racists, there might be some other factor that causes the prejudice to continue.
Also, there is a difference between discrimination and racism. It doesn't feel any different to the victim, I'm sure, but when it comes to addressing it, the solutions are different. I consider racism to be something that overrides self-interest. Discrimination (or prejudice) is often caused by "reasonable" goals--even if they are incorrect, illogical or illegal. For example, cab drivers who refuse to pick up black fares because they're afraid of being mugged--that's discrimination. A cab driver who refuses to pick up a black fare without fear of mugging, who does so purely because he won't have someone black in his cab--that's racism.
304. CalGal - 4/3/2001 11:06:41 PM
Oh, I'm sorry, Angel--I thought that comment was directed at my post.
Nice to see you back, btw.
305. angel-five - 4/3/2001 11:07:47 PM
And you're right, I'm white as a lily. But you'd possibly be surprised as to the cultural milieu in which I find myself, which is of course why I said what I did...
306. Erin R. - 4/3/2001 11:10:54 PM
Oh, I see. What I meant was that during slavery, blacks didn't have much opportunity to be criminals. I could be wrong about this.
307. angel-five - 4/3/2001 11:14:14 PM
Thank you.
They haven't. Other way round. Asians and Hispanics have all experienced prejudice in years past, but once they got established and represented in the middle class and beyond, a lot of the prejudice disappears. It's not gone forever, but it is abated.
Asians (Another term I dislike, grouping all Asians together is like grouping Eastenders with Sicilians) are well established in the middle and upper class. I think it's much more arguable that African Americans and Hispanics are anything but tenuously established in the upper middle and upper class and strongly tend toward lower middle and below.
I do agree with your evident point, as it's one I just made -- I think money has a lot to do with it.
308. angel-five - 4/3/2001 11:20:32 PM
Well, slaves had lots of opportunity to be criminals, and took those opportunities. Of course, since a lot of those 'criminal' actions are extremely understandable given the social situation (it's a 'crime' for me to seek my freedom? The hell you say) you have to be careful what you call 'criminal' and what you don't.
A lot of the 'official' racism against slaves sprung from aforementioned spurious beliefs in their demonstrable inferiority. I.E. that black people were naturally lacking in morality and that were they not overseen they'd fall to banditry and savagery. Soooo the point is arguable.
309. sakonige - 4/3/2001 11:29:18 PM
If their racial admixture matters, why are they all collectively referred to as 'blacks'?
310. sakonige - 4/3/2001 11:30:00 PM
Want me to tell you?
311. MsIvoryTower - 4/3/2001 11:30:30 PM
Actually, I'd say that racism as we understand it today really emerged in the first half of the 19th century, as the South sought to increasingly justify its slave society in the face of growing condemnation by Northerners and Europeans. It got another boost after the end of Reconstruction, as the Southern white oligarchy sought to revoke many of the newly attained rights of freed blacks.
The racism of the earlier 17th and 18th centuries were more analogous to that applied to all "savages". Slaves were counted as 1/3 of a free man in the Constitution precisely because they were "owned", and because to give Southern states full count of their residence would severely swing the balance of power in the newly created Congress toward their interests.
312. MsIvoryTower - 4/3/2001 11:33:16 PM
was more analogous...
313. angel-five - 4/4/2001 12:01:16 AM
Racism as we know it today isn't new at all in my opinion. Msit has the right of American racism -- although I'd also add that the surge in racism after the reconstruction also had something to do with the African American migration to urban areas -- but I'd dispute that 'racism' as we know it is the product of anything that happened in the South. To pull one extremely salient example out of thin air... let's look at Anti-Semitism in Europe in the last millennium. Jews weren't lumped in as 'savages' but were disparaged on entirely different terms.
314. Stumbo - 4/4/2001 12:03:13 AM
I thought it was 3/5, MsIT?
"1/3." Sheesh. They weren't that racist, dammit!
315. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:03:22 AM
"Jews weren't lumped in as 'savages' but were disparaged on entirely different terms."
They were disparaged as devils and vampires.
316. Jon Ferguson - 4/4/2001 12:07:00 AM
Wasn't in the constitution was it, although I think it was 1/3. Wasn't that the Missouri Compromise?
317. angel-five - 4/4/2001 12:08:37 AM
Missouri Compromise was that Missouri would be a slave state and that Maine would be admitted to the Union as a free state, I thought.
318. angel-five - 4/4/2001 12:08:50 AM
And it's three fifths.
319. angel-five - 4/4/2001 12:10:45 AM
Ace:
Yep, that'd be a part of it. Was just reading something interesting on the origins of the fables that Jews stole Christian youth for blood sacrifice in their 'secret' rites.
And of course there were the objections to the 'cold, calculating, ruthless and rich' Jew so well known as the Shylock stereotype.
320. Shannon - 4/4/2001 12:11:30 AM
It was 3/5, according to a quick web search I just did. I'd actually thought it was 2/5.
321. MsIvoryTower - 4/4/2001 12:11:33 AM
although I'd also add that the surge in racism after the reconstruction also had something to do with the African American migration to urban areas
Not to quibble, but this occurred primarily in the early part of the 20th century and not directly after the end of reconstruction.
but I'd dispute that 'racism' as we know it is the product of anything that happened in the South.
Oh, I think the roots of it are clearly connected to the rationalizations and justifications for first maintaining the slave system prior to the Civil War, and then later toward rationalizing why they should continue to be a separate "caste".
Let's not forget that the emerging medical research on race differences in the early 20th century took place simultaneous to the great black migrations northward; nor that much of the research was conducted by non-Southerners. I take this as evidence of the powerful ideology that Southerners perpetuated regarding the inferiority of blacks for most of the 19th century.
322. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:13:02 AM
"Was just reading something interesting on the origins of the fables that Jews stole Christian youth for blood sacrifice in their 'secret' rites. "
Was just reading? This is as old as the hills.
Jews were said to butcher Christian babies to use their blood in baking their bread.
323. MsIvoryTower - 4/4/2001 12:13:39 AM
Ya, 3/5 is correct.
1/3 --- 3/5.... at least the 3 was correct.
I believe the number arrived at was the subject of much heated debate during the constitutional convention. Southerners wanted slaves counted as full men for census purposes; northerners didn't want them counted at all.
324. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:14:39 AM
"I take this as evidence of the powerful ideology that Southerners perpetuated regarding the inferiority of blacks for most of the 19th century."
Silly. Northerners thought blacks inferior as well. Northerners simply didn't think they should be enslaved.
You are attempting to pin this on the proverbial "Other."
Northerners, Europeans, hell, other Africans... all considered blacks (or some blacks) racially inferior.
325. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:15:08 AM
"I believe the number arrived at was the subject of much heated debate during the constitutional convention. Southerners wanted slaves counted as full men for census purposes; northerners didn't want them counted at all."
Correct.
326. angel-five - 4/4/2001 12:15:09 AM
Then explain anti-Semitism or caste racism in India or Japan, all of which well predate the question of American slavery and its messy resolution.
Re: the migration
Yes.
327. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:18:04 AM
The compromise about 3/5ths is called, simply, "The 3/5ths Compromise."
As Angel said, the Missouri Compromise occurred in the early 1840's and concerned the simultaneous admission of Missouri and Maine. I believe California (a free state) was an important consideration in this horse-trading as well.
328. angel-five - 4/4/2001 12:18:23 AM
Was just reading something interesting on the origins of the fables that Jews stole Christian youth for blood sacrifice in their 'secret' rites. "
Was just reading? This is as old as the hills.
Jews were said to butcher Christian babies to use their blood in baking their bread.
Well, I see my absence hasn't sharpened your reading skills, Ace. The tales are old as the hills, 'tis true. I was just reading something interesting about their genesis. I believe it was in Hitler's Pope by John Cornwell, which is a smashing read.
329. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:19:31 AM
Ca. might not have been directly involved in the Missouri Compromise; but it might have been a factor in that a free state had just recently been admitted, and southernors didn't want to lose too much parity.
Somehow, Ca. was a factor or consideration.
330. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:19:34 AM
Ca. might not have been directly involved in the Missouri Compromise; but it might have been a factor in that a free state had just recently been admitted, and southernors didn't want to lose too much parity.
Somehow, Ca. was a factor or consideration.
331. angel-five - 4/4/2001 12:20:16 AM
I believe it had to do with the fact that part of California is south of the Mason Dixon line.
332. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:20:52 AM
The southern part, if I'm not mistaken.
333. MsIvoryTower - 4/4/2001 12:23:30 AM
Silly. Northerners thought blacks inferior as well. Northerners simply didn't think they should be enslaved.
I disagree they thought blacks inferior for the same reasons. Initially both sets of settlers thought all savages were inferior, as in "uncivilized" and uncouth. The notion that they were inferior because of their "race", or skin color, was not introduced until the rationalizations for maintaining slavery emerged in the first and second quarters of the 19th century.
These rationalizations did find their way up North, and by the end of reconstruction, many Northerners held similar views to Southerners regarding the "racial" inferiority of blacks (as opposed to their inferiority of culture, beliefs and development).
Northerners, Europeans, hell, other Africans... all considered blacks (or some blacks) racially inferior.
Certainly by the beginning of the 20th century most white Americans believed blacks to be racially inferior, but what do you mean that other Africans believed this?
My understanding is that Africans enslaved other tribes for similar reasons that the ancient Greeks and Romans enslaved populations; for their labor and to expand the slaveholding society's power and status among others. If you know otherwise, please expand your point.
334. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:24:32 AM
And then there was The Great Compromise, which I believe resulted in the bicameral Congress (one chamber by population, the other with a fixed number of senators per state).
335. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:25:17 AM
"I disagree they thought blacks inferior for the same reasons. Initially both sets of settlers thought all savages were inferior, as in "uncivilized" and uncouth. The notion that they were inferior because of their "race", or skin color, was not introduced until the rationalizations for maintaining slavery emerged in the first and second quarters of the 19th century. "
This is purest nonsense, MsIT.
336. Jon Ferguson - 4/4/2001 12:26:07 AM
Thanks for the clarification. I stand corrected.
Funny we both thought it was 1/3, then as I was researching it, I thought 'maybe it was 2/3.' 3/5 didn't ring any bells at all.
337. LimeGirl - 4/4/2001 12:26:27 AM
I find the whole discrimination and perceived discrimination topic very interesting. I'm always a little doubting when I hear minority groups say that they were discriminated against in small ways, like an article about racism on campus where a guy said that he was discriminated against because someone didn't hold a door open for him. And I think that the reason someone didn't hold a door open for him could have nothing to do with his skin color, and he has no way of knowing that.
I also feel somewhat intimidated, I guess is the word, by groups of minorities. Not scared for life, limb or property. But more uncertain of myself, more concerned that I'm going to say the wrong thing, and feeling like they'd just rather be left alone, and like I shouldn't bother them by saying hi, or whatever. More self-conscious. And I'm not exactly outgoing to begin with!
There was an interesting series in the Seattle Times a while back, called White Girl? (Here) I think. And it was about 2 cousins, one whom considered herself black, and one whom considered herself white. It seemed to me, from the article, that there is a strong attachment to the black culture/community that can trump other things. And that by trying to be too "white" brought disdain from members of that community.
Which might explain the way Asians are quicker to "assimilate", because their goal is to get ahead, while it seems like the black goal is more to belong to their community. And also explain the difference between recent African immigrants, who would be coming here to get ahead, and wouldn't have those ties to an existing community here.
338. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:27:25 AM
Ms,
Go read the Lincoln-Douglas debates and you'll get clued in pretty fast to what mainstream Northerners thought about blacks.
"Benighted savages," Lincoln says.
It's an idiotic conceit that these attitudes were "concocted" by Southerners as some sort of Public-Relations campaign.
339. Cellar Door - 4/4/2001 12:28:11 AM
Wanna be my slave, Ace?
340. MsIvoryTower - 4/4/2001 12:28:15 AM
And just for the record, the 3/5ths figure is in the Constitution itself, in Art.I section 2.
341. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:29:21 AM
Cellar,
Pass my script along to an agent and we'll talk.
342. Cellar Door - 4/4/2001 12:30:07 AM
LOL!
343. Cellar Door - 4/4/2001 12:31:04 AM
I was thinking of reworking "Mandingo" for whites.
You'd get to be ravished by Brandy.
344. MsIvoryTower - 4/4/2001 12:31:21 AM
Ace
Either you're history is off or you've not clarified your time references. I speak of the 17th and 18th century attitudes and you rebut with the Lincoln-Douglas debates which took place in the mid-19th century.
There is little evidence that prior to the 19th century, white americans saw blacks as "racially" inferior in the way we mean it today.
345. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:33:12 AM
"I speak of the 17th and 18th century attitudes and you rebut with the Lincoln-Douglas debates which took place in the mid-19th century. "
And you missed my "saving clause," in which I said you'd have to be daft to imagine that these deep-rooted attitudes were concocted in the 19th Century by a southern slave-holder Public Relations campaign.
346. angel-five - 4/4/2001 12:33:18 AM
Northern perceptions of the nature of black slaves were rather varied, just as the perception of African Americans varies now. Ace is going a bit too far, or perhaps it's just Ace generality shorthand and I'm out of practice with it, when he says the Northerners though the slaves were inferior. That was a common viewpoint but not by any means a unified one and there was significant opposition to it.
347. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:35:30 AM
Oh, please, Angel-Five.
Yes, of course. For god's sakes.
It's like I say "Nazis didn't like the Jews" and Angel-Five pipes up, "Well, not EVERY Nazi didn't like the Jews. Some pretended to hate Jews as a career booster."
348. MsIvoryTower - 4/4/2001 12:41:32 AM
It's an idiotic conceit that these attitudes were "concocted" by Southerners as some sort of Public-Relations campaign.
Well if you want to reduce it to a public relations campaign, be my guest. I rather think the whole dynamic was more complex and subtler than this. I'd suggest there was an ideological framework that rose to justify the continued exploitation of blacks to the benefit of southern economic interests.
Perhaps you don't know the actual production figures of the pre-civil war south, but they generated a wealth that was equal to, and at times greater than, the economic wealth of the north. The southern economies were worth something over $350 million annually.
You think they wanted to give this up for the sake of Northern morality? Pshaw, they saw this as a concerted effort to undermine their economic and policical clout. They fought back with deliberate rationalizations and arguments that increasingly relied on the inability of blacks to live as free men, and more importantly, to assume the rigors of citizenship.
349. angel-five - 4/4/2001 12:42:52 AM
Ace, your generalities in premises have this odd way of creeping into generalities of conclusion, and it's generally best to check you before you get the bit in your teeth and tear off into the wild blue yonder.
But I made the statement not to pick so much as to note that there was a very notable segment of the population for whom abolition wasn't coupled with paternalism or a simple idea that even though blacks were inferior they shouldn't be slaves. To ignore it is pointless when we're talking about the formation of racism which arises as a social phenomenon and is shaped by give and take within the society.
350. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:44:57 AM
"I'd suggest there was an ideological framework that rose to justify the continued exploitation of blacks to the benefit of southern economic interests. "
No, they enslaved blacks because they thought they were "inferior."
They did not, for example, enslave the Irish, though they probably could have. They did not enslave the Chinese, though it wouldn't have been horribly difficult to kidnap several thousand Chinese from China.
You are postulating that racism was a public-relations scheme concocted to justify slavery. That's the silliest horseshit I ever heard. American slavery occurred *because* of a belief that blacks were inferior. It wasn't concocted after-the-fact.
351. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:46:32 AM
angel-five,
and I spoke of "MAINSTREAM Northern attitudes," not UNIVERSAL Northern attitudes. Go check the tape.
When two maistream Northerner candidates for President are both firmly convinced of the inferiority of blacks, I take that to mean this was in fact a *mainstream* Northern attitude, if not a universal one.
352. MsIvoryTower - 4/4/2001 12:47:36 AM
And you missed my "saving clause," in which I said you'd have to be daft to imagine that these deep-rooted attitudes were concocted in the 19th Century by a southern slave-holder Public Relations campaign.
Nonsense. You have no saving clause. Your position is not supported by any historical analysis of slaves in either the ancient societies or as practiced by most of Europe and America in the early years of colonization.
Nor were the attitudes "deeply rooted" other than a general sense that all savages and non-European cultures were inferior. Europeans were nothing if not ethnocentric, and believed anyone not of their own culture were inferior.
This level of discrimination is unlike the kind that emerged in this country toward black slaves, and later black free men.
353. angel-five - 4/4/2001 12:48:49 AM
You are postulating that racism was a public-relations scheme concocted to justify slavery. That's the silliest horseshit I ever heard. American slavery occurred *because* of a belief that blacks were inferior. It wasn't concocted after-the-fact.
It is indeed silly. It, however, isn't what MsIT was proposing -- she's acknowledged that racism existed beforehand and derived from precisely what you're speaking of.
Granted, I'm not sure I buy her point, but you've misapprehended that point, I believe.
354. angel-five - 4/4/2001 12:53:36 AM
You did say mainstream later on, , in Message # 338, true. But not at first, in Message # 324, where you used the word 'all' and prompted my response. Creeping generalities indeed.
355. MsIvoryTower - 4/4/2001 12:54:13 AM
No, they enslaved blacks because they thought they were "inferior."
Jaysus, who denied this? My point was that racism as we know it today was not part of this belief. Yes, early americans thought blacks inferior, but they also thought indians were inferior, as they did any other "savage" culture. This is entirely different than the racism that became personalized to blacks.
And again, your arguments are weak.
We didn't enslave the Irish because they were essentially from Europe. There are actually accounts of chinese slaves in the West and elsewhere prior to the civil war, but the migration of Chinese in this country occurred primarily after the war, when it would have been illegal to do so. For that matter, the majority of the Irish migrated after the civil war as well.
356. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:58:53 AM
"My point was that racism as we know it today was not part of this belief. "
Your point seems to be that attitudes about race were fairly "enlightened, progressive, and modernish" before the 19th century, but then a PR/ideological push by Southerners made racism more virulent and race-attitudes more "backwards."
Were we to graph it on a chart, with "better racism" at bottom and "worse racism" at top, we would find (according to you) a middling plateau of "not so bad racism" through the 17th and 18th C which then spikes into "bad racism territory" in the 19th Century, and then begins to trend downward after 1960.
I understand.
And I repeat:
Silly.
357. angel-five - 4/4/2001 1:01:48 AM
Your point seems to be that attitudes about race were fairly "enlightened, progressive, and modernish" before the 19th century, but then a PR/ideological push by Southerners made racism more virulent and race-attitudes more "backwards."
?
just in case you're wondering, MsIT, you're not the only one who's going 'What the hell is he getting this now?'
358. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 1:04:15 AM
"Progressive," relatively speaking.
I mean to convey that Ms thinks that Europeans looked down on blacks, just a little bit but not too much and not more than they looked down on anyone else, before Southerners cooked up a virulent brew called "Modern Racism."
359. MsIvoryTower - 4/4/2001 1:04:44 AM
Your point seems to be that attitudes about race were fairly "enlightened, progressive, and modernish" before the 19th century, but then a PR/ideological push by Southerners made racism more virulent and race-attitudes more "backwards."
Bullshit. I don't think early attitudes about inferior cultures and peoples were enlightened, just different. And because they were different they were less enduring for those who were deemed inferior.
And if you want to doubt my argument, then I suggest you read something more historical than the Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
360. angel-five - 4/4/2001 1:10:25 AM
Oh, I understand what's happening now. Msit is trying to get me to agree with her by getting Ace to argue against her. And it's almost working.
Ace: You're imputing value judgments, as is your wont, into what Miss Texas is saying. Her argument, if I understand it correctly, is that American racism is a product of those times, shaped and characterized by the events surrounding American slavery and conducted on a playing field dictated by our own recent history. Not that it's more benign or malignant now or then.
Once again, it's not an argument I entirely buy, but it does have some merit.
361. angel-five - 4/4/2001 1:10:50 AM
I wonder where she cribbed it.
(chuckling)
362. MsIvoryTower - 4/4/2001 1:12:12 AM
smart ass
I don't need to crib arguments....
363. MsIvoryTower - 4/4/2001 1:12:52 AM
and I'm going to bed.
364. angel-five - 4/4/2001 1:14:57 AM
Not me. but i DO think I'm going to log out. Lates.
365. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 11:20:32 AM
[A5, sorry to hear about what's going on. Best wishes.]
366. vw - 4/4/2001 1:42:53 PM
From todays AP news wire:
Women still make less, survey says
367. vw - 4/5/2001 8:40:30 PM
Let's catch up on what are friends in SCOTUS have been up to recently:
Justices to Revisit Affirmative Action in a Test Case for Bush
High Court To Review Executing Retarded
Court Curbs Drug Tests During Pregnancy
368. CalGal - 4/5/2001 8:58:12 PM
The survey is flawed, apparently? In what way?
I find it on its face to be quite reasonable--women of equal tenure in the same job make 89 cents on a man's dollar. Not perfect, but decent. Figure that women are terrible at asking for money and probably as a group work fewer hours, it's conceivable that very little of it is discrimination.
It would be interesting to see more data on this group alone--what were their starting salaries, what were their reviews, and so on.
The other two comparisons are pretty much irrelevant, unless women are barred from making choices. But of course, the one that is played up is the one that says that they make 72 cents on the dollar.
On the AA test case--well, state affirmative action is dead, or will be as soon as Connerly gets to each state; I was just saying last week that the only AA that hadn't been attacked recently was federal set aside programs. And here we are.
369. Cellar Door - 4/5/2001 9:01:24 PM
"Not perfect, but decent."
ROTFALMAO!!!!!!
370. CalGal - 4/5/2001 9:11:54 PM
Considering the handwringing wails of "70 cents on the dollar", which is completely inaccurate, it's quite decent.
371. vw - 4/6/2001 9:15:20 AM
Economist Nancy Pfotenhauer, president of the Independent Women's Forum, said women often choose to take jobs that pay less for flexibility and time for children and family.
Though I believe this dynamic exists, what I do notice is that the sentence is rarely completed with the phrase “and women do this more than men”. And that is the methodology and numbers I would dearly love to see. How do they ascertain what choices men and women are making when they choose a job? How do they measure the number and value of choices they did not make?
Anecdotally, I made the choice that Pfotenhauer refers to. I didn’t pursue the Ph.D. that ultimately would have made me more financially secure because I needed to make more money in the short-term. So I took a job with higher pay than what I was making without the degree but that would never lead to the kind of money I would have ultimately made with the Ph.D.
372. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 9:32:18 AM
How do they ascertain what choices men and women are making when they choose a job? How do they measure the number and value of choices they did not make?
There are data bases that examine choice of college majors among students and these reveal some of the information for the first question. They typically ask questions like:
"How many years do you expect to work in the labor market?"
"Do you intend to work after marriage?"
"Do you intend to work after starting a family?"
"How many hours a week do you intend to work in your job?"
stuff like that...
Then there is the actual data on hours worked, industry and occupational choices made by men and women currently in the labor market. This mostly comes from census data, but there are also other data sets that measure similar kinds of "attitudes, aspirations and commitments to the labor market". These include the National Longitudinal Survey of Young Workers, and the NLS of Mature Men and Women, both of which have been a source of labor economists research on this topic for many years (sociologists as well, I might add).
You can take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your choices vw.
373. vw - 4/6/2001 10:29:35 AM
Thanks for the info MIT. I was hoping to spend some time later today looking into where those numbers came from and you gave me a big jump on doing so.
374. vw - 4/6/2001 10:29:44 AM
You can take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your choices vw.
You know, it’s never something I felt the need to be reassured about. I had two kids to support. Finishing the degree meant relocating, which meant taking them away from Gramma and Poppy, their father and their friends. Finishing the degree meant a couple more years trying to raise two girls on a limited income.
Taking the job rather than finishing my degree was necessary and I never stick at performing what is practical. Especially when what is necessary is predicated by the consequences of my own choices.
WRT the idea that women as a group are not as aggressive in their requests/demands/negotiations for salary. Again, I wonder if this is influenced by what segment of the population we are looking at. I can understand a dynamic where the 2nd wage earner might not be as aggressive in acquiring higher wages if the trade-off was flexibility and hours worked consideration. So I wonder if women who are primary wage earners are different in both approach and result.
Again, I know anecdotally, I may have traded off long-term earning power for immediate stability, but within that job I was tremendously aggressive in negotiating wages. I went in with the attitude that I was better-educated then most other applicants and that I had two kids to raise. The result was that I was the highest paid person in that position in the company, and I continued that trend with every promotion I received.
I believe that women are fully capable of acting as self-interested agents and in fact do so. Therefore, I suspect that the gender aspect of the wage gap would disappear when and if we see more women in the workforce population that consider their income the primary family support and more men that consider their income secondary and are more interested in flexibility, etc.
375. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 10:48:41 AM
Again, I know anecdotally, I may have traded off long-term earning power for immediate stability,...
Yes, this is called the cost-benefit analysis wrt human capital investments. Women typically choose to invest in lower levels of graduate degrees then men, and there are several factors that have been identified as influencing the analysis.
1. Lower benefit streams from such investments due to the present perceived wage gap;
2. Lower long-term labor force commitments by women - this means that many women are unsure about their willingness to remain in the LF throughout their lives, regardless of what happens eventually;
3. Lower geographic mobility due to cultural and familial influences;
to name just a few.
The choices of people regarding human capital investments, labor force participation and commitments, occupation and industry of work are in constant flux, and even as I write, there are marginal changes occuring in the trends we've observed over the last half century.
Indeed, while the data measuring women's labor continue to show consistent trends overall, the degree to which certain characteristics remain robust has changed substantially since the post-WWII era. I expect that some of these nagging factors that continue to be noted in the data will eventually tip completely.
376. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 11:08:23 AM
Therefore, I suspect that the gender aspect of the wage gap would disappear when and if we see more women in the workforce population that consider their income the primary family support and more men that consider their income secondary and are more interested in flexibility, etc.
Well women scholars have been arguing this for a while now, but I'm not so sure its that easy. While cultural changes will certainly help women narrow the wage gap (and already have had a substantial influence on women's labor force behaviors), there are some factors influencing the equation that simply aren't that easy to address.
For one thing, women still face biological constraints that fundamentally influence their choice of careers, their ability to participate in the labor market, and their work force patterns.
Second, employers are still organized around an essentially male work force. By this I mean that they institutionally arrange the flow of workers in their organizations according to age. They prefer young workers for entry level positions, prefer more mature adults for management positions, and tend to still view older workers as obsolete and less productive. This follows the classic life cycle of males, who tended to enter the labor market very early, build skills and stability as employees as they matured, and became less productive as their labor-leisure costs increased in old age.
Women need a different life-cycle of work. They are biologically forced to take a different path, and research on the productivity of women workers doesn't support the classic pattern noted in males; that is, they remain more committed to their jobs as they age then less committed, and they are willing to work harder as older workers than men.
Firms, however, haven't adjusted their tastes for workers to benefit women's life cycle work patterns, and that will change much more slowly than women's taste for work.
377. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 11:17:54 AM
Btw, one more depressing thought:
Although women have increased their labor force participation rates and their commitment to full-time work over the last 30+ years, attitudinal surveys of young women on college campuses still reveal that a substantial porportion of young women still want to exit the labor market to raise their children. They want to marry men who will support a family, and they are ambivalent regarding their long-term labor market participation.
After 30 odd years of a rather high divorce rate, of children being raised in single parent homes, of women raising children on their own, young college women still think they don't need to plan for their own life-long labor force participation.
378. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 11:18:14 AM
toys
379. CalGal - 4/6/2001 11:59:36 AM
Women need a different life-cycle of work.
I really disagree with this, although I generally agree with much of what you and vw have said.
They don't need a different life-cycle of work; I think they need to fit into the one that is already there. For one thing, as your extremely depressing 377 points out, many women get divorced and end up raising their kids on less money than they were planning on. If we give women a different life cycle for work, we are only feeding the notion that they don't really need to focus on income growth while they are having kids. And, of course, exactly the opposite is true.
Again, I wonder if this is influenced by what segment of the population we are looking at. I can understand a dynamic where the 2nd wage earner might not be as aggressive in acquiring higher wages if the trade-off was flexibility and hours worked consideration.
That might be some of it--or most of it. Speaking only of my own experience, I have not seen any distinction based on marital status or income responsibility. If anything, I see it as a difference in outlook. I was committed to ensuring I was well-paid, whether I was a single secretary, a married (and lower-income) programmer, and a single mother consultant. I know a few women who have similar outlooks; some are married, some are single.
380. CalGal - 4/6/2001 12:05:23 PM
I believe that women are fully capable of acting as self-interested agents and in fact do so.
I agree. But I also think that women still view marriage as their best shot at security, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if self-reliance and complete autonomy in finances (whether in or out of a marriage) is seen as somehow interfering with that goal. Which would mean that their often boneheaded stupidity about income and work decisions could be explained as acting in their own self-interest.
381. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 12:30:12 PM
They don't need a different life-cycle of work; I think they need to fit into the one that is already there.
Need was the wrong word, I should have said they have a different work life-cycle pattern then men. The different biological constraints women operate under also make it highly unlikely that they can ever fully fit within the one that's already in place, which is based on completely on male work patterns.
Now, will women continue to increase their work commitments to become more like male workers? Yes, they will. Will the vast majority of women do so? Highly unlikely because of the differential costs men and women face in making their career and work force choices. You can argue women should be more like men in the work force, but men don't 1) bear children; 2) bear primary care responsibilities in the majority of two-parent households; 3) bear the majority of domestic duties in two-parent households.
Quite simply the costs to women are much higher to remain strongly committed to work over family in our society. This will continue to exert pressure on women to look to the joint earning capacity in marriage as a mechanism for raising children rather than their own independent earning capacities.
382. Shannon - 4/6/2001 12:37:55 PM
. You can argue women should be more like men in the work force, but men don't 1) bear children; 2) bear primary care responsibilities in the majority of two-parent households; 3) bear the majority of domestic duties in two-parent households.
Only the first of those is biological. I agree that in general, all are true more often than not. But I don't think the workforce needs to change so that women can continue to do most of the work at home.
383. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 12:48:56 PM
The workforce doesn't need to change at all. Nor do firms need to change their demand for certain kinds of workers. I just don't think we'll ever see women in the labor force to the same extent or with the same work patterns as men to the point that these observed differences in wages will be eliminated without any government interference.
In other words, the wage differences may capture some reminants of the demand for male workers over females by employers based soley on discriminatory attitudes, but this is really a minor element of the wage gap now, I think.
The primary cause of the wage gap now is the continued differences between men and women in the amount, duration and type of labor they are willing to supply to the labor market, which is influenced by the different biological and cultural constraints women operate within. In other words, the market is pretty efficient at this point with regard to wage setting.
384. CalGal - 4/6/2001 12:49:16 PM
The only one of your three points that matters, really, is #1. #2 and #3 occur in large part because women choose to do them and are expected to do them, and much of the choice and expectation is because women make less money. Very circular. The expectation is there, of course, even when the woman is devoted equally to career. But those women will just have to get over that expectation, especially since so often it is imposed not by their husband, but by others.
Quite simply the costs to women are much higher to remain strongly committed to work over family in our society.
I disagree. The costs to their children and themselves are much higher so long as they remain committed to family first. Keeping in mind that no one should be committed to work over family; ideally they should be peers.
It is certainly easier for women to opt out, and lord knows society is prepared to excuse them. That's why I think the best fix is to make the costs for not putting their income first be significant and absolute--and that ties back into many of my opinions on divorce law.
The changes in divorce law originally were what caused many women to get into the workplace whether they "needed" to or not. They might still be making poor decisions about their income, but they certainly are at least aware that they are at risk.
Divorce law could continue to drive women's economic decisions, if they were solely responsible for their children post-divorce. I also think that making divorce more punishing for men--not financially, because they can always get out of that, but in terms of their required commitment to their children after divorce--would go a long way towards changing men's amiability about having kids in bad situations.
385. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 12:54:42 PM
and much of the choice and expectation is because women make less money.
I'm not so convinced of this. Over the last 20 odd years I've seen a cultural backlash against women who choose to work over primary maintainance of their family. I think many young women are caught between a rock and a hard place these days.
But those women will just have to get over that expectation, especially since so often it is imposed not by their husband, but by others.
I don't know how true this is. I do know that significant differences in attitudes about a woman's role in the family exists by SES, and that you can't make blanket statements about these attitudes that fit for all men or all women.
386. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 1:02:03 PM
I always get frustrated when this issue comes up because I don't buy that there is no discrimination against women in hiring and pay....but I'm unable to support it as the articles/studies I've seen in the past are no where to be found when I need them....like an article years back in the Economist that showed that women had to publish twice as much men in more prestigious publications to get the same recognition and research grants....like an article showing that even women who succeeded very well in business, well enough to become board members, were still side-lined into the softer PR functions on board committees and not in the harder strategy/finance areas....like a study done before the one mentioned above that showed that single, childless women with continuous working lives and equivalent training still made less than their male counterparts....and that marriage and family works favorably for males' careers and unfavorably for womens' careers...and even an anecdote about someone who changed genders from male to female and ended up taking a pay cut even though s/he was clearly the same person with the same skills, work history, etc.
But since I can't lay my hands on nary a one, I'll shut up...but if I find them again....
387. CalGal - 4/6/2001 1:04:29 PM
I agree that the attitudes aren't consistent across SES. Also, you speak of "cultural backlash"--I agree, to a certain extent. Likewise, have you noticed the plethora of movies with single moms working as strippers, "exotic dancers", or some other sleazy job and having it be presented as honorable? That's one of the reasons I watch Judging Amy--look, a single mom who had other options than Hooters! But see, when she's in that kind of job, you just know that she'll be giving it up when the hero marries her. So she was working, but it's not as if she planned it. She did it because she had to, poor thing.
But so what? In the scheme of things, women will have to learn how to get over that. Is the cultural backlash hurting them? Has it caused them to suffer in the workplace or increased the divorce rate?
Read any article or book about women and it will always focus on what others think. I mean, who the fuck cares? When did what others think of you become more important than ensuring the well-being of your children?
Society is always going to pressure people to do what makes them comfortable, and it's up to those people to a) get the laws to support their choices and b) go ahead and make the right choices, regardless of what people think. It is not surprising that society as a whole is more comfortable with the illusion that women are better off at home. What surprises me is that this expectation is presented as a valid reason for women to make idiotic choices in support of that expectation.
(I'm not directin my sarcasm at you; just the situation in general)
388. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 1:05:20 PM
Wrt biological constraints, I've basically avoided the number one reason I think women will not abandon looking to secure good marriages early in life as a means of future security,. Women have a much narrower window of opportunity to attract male partners than visa versa. Males can work like crazy as young adults, can put their careers first until they establish their high earning capacity. If this results in failed marriages, it still doesn't preclude them from finding other mates with a high degree of success. This is not the case for women.
Another depressing reality.
389. CalGal - 4/6/2001 1:08:55 PM
Women have a much narrower window of opportunity to attract male partners than visa versa.
Yep.
Again, that's why I favor making divorce--in fact, just having children--far more onerous on men than it is now. "Onerous" in that they will not be expected to write checks, but provide an equal amount of care and time and commitment.
390. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 1:09:14 PM
Stories about Sandra Day O'connor, graduating first from her law class at Stanford (ahead of Rehnquist) could only get a legal secretarial position out of college. Yeah, yeah, that was a long time ago, but do you suppose that all vestiges of gender discrimination have magically disappeared since then? I don't.
Just like Tiger Woods who only a few years ago was breaking color barriers at some country clubs...and the recent news story about a FL town that still practiced separate but "equal".
It doesn't disappear...it becomes less blatant, harder to prove and a lot more insidious...even if socially less acceptable.
But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist....instead of 11 cents per hour being acceptable, why does it exist at all? Anyone get a haircut lately? My husband's barber still charges him $10 and women $20 for a plain old haircut...same time, same stylist, and in fact his takes a lot more skill to cut than mine.
391. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 1:09:38 PM
Ooops.Sorry. I forgot I was going to shut up.
I'm done.
392. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 1:11:16 PM
Thoughtful
Oh I don't mean to minimize the effects of discrimination on women's wages and career paths, I just don't think it accounts for the majority of the observed wage gap. No research I've seen taken seriously in the last 15 years places the discrimination effect at much above 10% of the observed wage difference.
Do we know how much the factors you noted has on the long term committment of women to the labor market? No, I don't think so, not quantitatively, although women scholars have been speculating on this for a long time. Qualitatively there's some support for it as well, but we've been unable to capture any systematic quantitative effects of many of the factors you note.
In any case, I really believe that overt discrimination by employers has dwindled away, and now we're dealing with the likes of statistical discrimination on the demand side and women's tastes and preferences on the supply side.
393. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 1:14:57 PM
And Thoughtful
You know I spent years committed to research on women's labor, and explanations for the observed wage gap, I gave it up out of frustration and out of a need to get away from such a depressing line of research.
I should also modify my final comment; while I think overt discrimination has dwindled in importance, I don't think it's entirely been eliminated as a factor....
394. Cellar Door - 4/6/2001 1:18:28 PM
And that's why it's going to be veryinteresting to see how the current administration, with its stone-cold racist Attorney General, is going to function. They have the beltway sewed up, and their media lackeys are in place. But the actual country is moving in a different direction.
"All Politics is Local" was never more true than it is today.
395. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 1:21:51 PM
Msit, I guess we disagree then...I will accept that it has lessened, but not that it has disappeared to insignificance. 10% is not nothing, and that's across the same job function which excludes "glass ceiling" effects. I think there's a reason self-employment has grown rapidly among working women that is more than just "flexible hours" or "work at home" opportunities....I think there's a reason discrimination suits against even brokerage firms where measures of success are quantitative (who brings in the $$) have been successful...I think there's a reason even large firms continue to be hit with and lose sexual harrassment suits as it reflects the core beliefs on the part of management about it's female workers, and those core beliefs are also reflected in the salary structure.
Heck, I remember during the 90-91 downturn how much more successful women and especially women of color were at finding work --because they were less expensive...though no one said as much.
396. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 1:32:34 PM
and perhaps I'm just surprised that all those other factors would explain why a woman with a master's degree makes a median income of $36,888 while a man with an associate's degree makes almost the same at $35,962 and a bach. degree makes $45,749.
399. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 1:37:46 PM
Heck, I remember during the 90-91 downturn how much more successful women and especially women of color were at finding work -- because they were less expensive...though no one said as much.
Oh yes, the wage differential certainly is a two-edged sword.
Wrt the issues you note, I should clarify that the measurement of discrimination effects at this point is limited by data. We can't go much further in isolating the effects of indirect discrimination, such as the kind you note, without better information collection within firms. I don't need to tell you how unlikely it is we'll get this information.
We're stuck now with relying on qualitative data to tell the story, and, as I'm sure you know, it can always be challenged on its limitations wrt generalization.
In fact, the most frustrating aspect of research in this area is how imprecise any analysis is, and how easy it is to dismiss any discrimination effects as simply a matter of either lack of data or problems with modeling. Lack of data remains the primary reason we can't move much more in isolating any effects however.
and perhaps I'm just surprised that all those other factors would explain why a woman with a master's degree makes a median income of $36,888 while a man with an associate's degree makes almost the same at $35,962 and a bach. degree makes $45,749.
Field of study remains the single most important factor in explaining this wage differential, with experience and hours worked per week following a close second.
403. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 1:50:59 PM
Field of study remains the single most important factor in explaining this wage differential...
I don't doubt that. Let calgal call me chicken or foolish, but I can remember thinking seriously about going into engineering and then deciding against it. Why? Maybe it was the male engineers I knew telling me it was not the place for me...but mostly it was the fact that I held as a core belief that I dare not enter such a male-dominated field unless I was damn sure I would excel at it. I'm sure many of the boys who opted for that line of study were ambivalent about it, but I as a female felt I couldn't afford to be.
404. CalGal - 4/6/2001 2:24:28 PM
I think 10% is about right as a differential, accounting for some discrimination, some poor negotiation skills, some lack of priority on income generation (women valuing flexibility over advancement, etc).
I think there is a very logical reason for some level of discrimination. After all, most people know why women only make 72 cents of the male dollar, and they know why. So if you have a choice of hiring someone in their mid-20s for a career-oriented position, and it's between a man and a woman, who would you figure is going to be more likely to work less hours, take more time off, move into a less demanding career path, or quit altogether?
Women don't generally quit or cut back because they feel discriminated against--they quit or cut back because it's easier than the alternative. Many women quit work or work part-time because they can, not because of any overwhelming need to focus on family.
So even those scumbags at various large corporations who get sued for treating women like sex objects and baby machines are really doing nothing more than women themselves do, even if they are cruder about it.
405. CalGal - 4/6/2001 2:27:53 PM
That is not to say I think that sexual discrimination should be allowed. But let's not pretend it's some white man clique trying to keep the girls out. Employers are required not to discriminate, but at the same time they know realistically that chances are the guy will be more motivated and committed than the woman is. That could lead to the sort of subtle discrimination that would account for a percentage of that gap.
Women, far more than men, enjoy the best of both worlds: the ability to choose a career, work and thrive, or the ability to marry, stay home, and take the risk that hubby won't leave. Society might subtly sneer at one choice or the other, over time, but they clearly have both extremes and every option in the middle--and they don't even need the agreement, much less the consent, of the man, the employer, or anyone else to make these choices.
This is why I hold women far more responsible for any discrimination we face than I do men. Clearly, men have stepped up to the task--women's overwhelming success in the job market demonstrates that. But have women stepped up to it? They are the ones still living by the old standards, not the men. They are the ones who provide legitimate reason to doubt the commitment and capability of all women.
I don't think that this prejudice is pervasive, thank goodness. And in many career choices, long-term commitment isn't a necessary element of an employer's decision, so it an even smaller factor. But if you wish to discuss discrimination, I think it's fair to look realistically at whether or not that prejudice is reasonable--even if it's not legal.
406. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 2:46:26 PM
So if you have a choice of hiring someone in their mid-20s for a career-oriented position, and it's between a man and a woman, who would you figure is going to be more likely to work less hours, take more time off, move into a less demanding career path, or quit altogether?
This sounds an awful lot like the old argument of why hire a woman -- she's just going to get pregnant and leave anyway. Well, as far as I know, they did away with slavery over 100 years ago and men are as free to leave a firm as a woman, and often do. Someone in our firm was faced with just such a challenge by some men in one of our managment training programs full of people fresh out of college. So she did some research. She went back 2 years to find out that all of the women who started in the program were still with the firm and all those who bailed out of the program were male. So much for stereotypes.
407. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 3:03:54 PM
So even those scumbags at various large corporations who get sued for treating women like sex objects and baby machines are really doing nothing more than women themselves do, even if they are cruder about it.
CG, you make some good arguments, but then you make a comment like the one above that just floor me (like your "final solution" approach to AIDS.)
Women sacrifice themselves up as sex objects and willingly avoid advancement, ask for lower pay and deny themselves access to important people/information/opportunities? And they do it on such a consistent basis that it explains why women get paid less even if they have the same training/experience/tenure as men?
Not in my experience. Anecdote to be sure, but a real life example nonetheless. I have seen a woman get a big job where they redefined the role adding a lot more responsibility including replacing a VP and she still did not make the VP title. Do you suppose they offered her the position as officer and she said, no, even though I've already had my children and I'm most definitely a career-oriented person who has demonstrated willingness to move and take on more responsibilities in the company, I would rather you gave the money and title and job security to someone without breasts.
408. pogie - 4/6/2001 3:10:25 PM
Well, the problem with chicks is that for every situation like that, you have another where a sizable chunk of women still say stuff like 'oh it's too expensive for me to work, so i'd better just stay home' or 'sure i'll work this menial job so you can get your mba'. I would say at this stage there is something like a 50/50 chance of a woman being as or more reliable than a guy, if one collapsed all assorted factors. If it is just as likely she'll be more flaky than that she will be less flaky, then bias is kind of likely to creep in.
By way of anecdotal example, I know of one chick who was a network engineer up until she got pregnant. She's got a resume online, but isn't actively looking for work. That type of passiveness ('i keep up with current developments in the industry through my network engineer husband') is still way more common to girls than guys. I mean honestly, would you hire the chick or her husband? Maybe guys would be more like that if they got pregnant, heh. At any rate, it is young women willing to be passive w/regard to their careers that make it more difficult for other young women to be assertive/aggressive in theirs.
409. CalGal - 4/6/2001 3:11:43 PM
This sounds an awful lot like the old argument of why hire a woman --she's just going to get pregnant and leave anyway.
But that's the point--they are. Leaving, or cutting back hours, or working "flextime", or just for a paycheck.
Also, keep in mind that there's more to life these days than staying with the same company. That's not what I was referring to. Of course a lot of the people leave. Others stay. But in both cases, leaving and staying, what matters is how productive and committed the person is. Would you rather hire someone who might leave and go on to another company but always remember that you were the one who gave him his first job? Or the person who has a baby, comes back but looks miserable, starts cutting back on hours and commitment, and finally leaves to stay home and have more kids?
Again, these are intangibles and very slight ones at that. But I certainly find this sort of thing far more plausible than the stereotype of a white male boss who thinks women should be barefoot and pregnant. Speaking anecdotally again, I find this sort of opinion very prevalent among both men and women, in discussions about hiring, promotion, and so on.
She went back 2 years to find out that all of the women who started in the program were still with the firm and all those who bailed out of the program were male.
All those who bailed out of the program, or of the firm? In any event, two years is nothing.
410. CalGal - 4/6/2001 3:18:13 PM
. I would say at this stage there is something like a 50/50 chance of a woman being as or more reliable than a guy, if one collapsed all assorted factors.
Oh, absolutely! That's why women are doing so well in the workplace--because so many of them, whether they quit or not, are damn good at what they do.
But it's also true that you never know what a woman is going to do once she has kids--lots of managers openly worry about it (will she want more time off, flex time, will she quit altogether). And if you have an employee who is always running off to pick up kids from daycare without the flip side of showing a huge commitment to the job, it's hard not to think about how you could just avoid all that stress.
But again, women are firmly ensconced in all levels of management, and I personally know women who have very successfully combined kids and career advancement.
Remember that we're only talking about a 10-11% differential overall, with no evidence that it is caused by discrimination at all. I'm just speculating on the sort of discrimination that I think might contribute. Because in the end, when you have like to like at 89-90%, and overall at 72%, you know that means a lot of women are bowing out early and often.
411. CalGal - 4/6/2001 3:28:43 PM
Women sacrifice themselves up as sex objects and willingly avoid advancement, ask for lower pay and deny themselves access to important people/information/opportunities?
????
No. Women quit, cut back, or otherwise sacrifice their career because they care more about their marriage (sex objects) and their children (baby machines).
I realize it sounds far more ennobling when a woman sighs and says, "I really don't need this job, my husband makes enough and the kids really seem happier when I'm home" than it does when the boss at the brokerage firm says "Whoa! Look at the tits on that bitch!" But in the end, it isn't all that different.
What on earth is the data we're discussing pointing out, if it isn't that women still view their self-interest primarily in terms of how much money their husband makes, and their role as the primarily care giver, not income earner?
412. Erin R. - 4/6/2001 3:33:00 PM
I had a conversation yesterday with my SD--a single mom who is finally waking up to these issues. She works in a daycare center, surrounded by luxury wives with long acrylic nails (not that there's anything wrong with that!) who sigh that they only work to "keep themselves busy."
My SD was raised in a wealthy home my her step dad, who is president of a well-known insurance firm, and her mother, who after her second marriage, became a SAHM.
413. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 3:34:57 PM
But I certainly find this sort of thing far more plausible than the stereotype of a white male boss who thinks women should be barefoot and pregnant.
Don't you get it? You're saying the reasons to discriminate are real and rational because that's how women do behave, and then denying that any such discrimination exists. You're doing that stereotypical "white male boss" one better by telling him he's right, that IS the way women are so of course he would be justified in discriminating, and then say besides, he's not discriminating because you don't find it plausible for him to do so.
To the last point in #409...the men had left the firm, taking all the investment in their training with them. While I don't think any of them were pregnant, they were just as gone. Two years is certainly a relevant timeframe, and the facts point out the problem with the stereotype.
414. JudithAtHome - 4/6/2001 3:35:28 PM
they care more about their marriage (sex objects) and their children (baby machines).
Pretty dim view of marriage, wouldn't you say? Would you say " women care more about their jobs (money) and status (power)" ?
415. CalGal - 4/6/2001 3:38:21 PM
Would you say " women care more about their jobs (money) and status (power)" ?
No. Because clearly they don't. Anyway, women define status differently--generally, they define themselves by the status of their associates. Hence they want to marry doctors and CEOs. They also do care about money, it's just that as a group they seem to think they are higher status if someone else provides the money.
As for a "dim view of marriage"--not really. I think marriage can be a lovely thing. But bottom line, it's an economic arrangement. I would actually prefer it if all the economic advantages were stripped from marriage these days, or at least any disproportionate advantage.
416. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 3:52:02 PM
CG, if that 10% discount is so irrelevant, how 'bout if I e-mail you my address and you send me 10% of your salary...I know I wouldn't mind having a 10% bonus, regardless of how much money you make.
I personally know women who have very successfully combined kids and career advancement. So do I and I personally know men who had stay-at-home wives to care for their children or adult children and still spent their days screwing up or screwing off and successfully combined that with career advancement. I don't know of any women who did the same. I also know of men who refused career enhancing opportunities because they didn't want to move their families or were tied to a geographic area but that didn't significantly derail their career path or income in the long term.
Let's just get all women to bring to an interview a certificate of childlessness and sterility and a contract guaranteeing their staying with the firm for a minimum of 10 years, and then see if that 10% goes away or not.
417. pogie - 4/6/2001 3:57:49 PM
Those chicks didn't have to stay at home. They could have made the guy do it, or worked something else out. So long as there are more chicks willing to stay home than guys, there's gunna be a gap. If a woman stays home so her husband can further his career, she's contributing to the gap, because that's one less woman earning money and proving herself in the workplace.
418. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 3:58:09 PM
Would you say " women care more about their jobs (money) and status (power)" ?
No. Because clearly they don't...
---------------
I'm amazed at the ease with which you throw around stereotypical generalizations as if they were facts. The point is *some* women care more about family than career, *some* women care more about career than anything else, *some* men just punch a clock to bring home a check, and *some* men are very dedicated to their jobs and **none** of this justifies why women should be paid less than men on a consistent, across the board basis, regardless of career (women nurses & secretaries get paid less than men nurses & secretaries) when adjustments are made for such things as education, tenure, and childlessness.
419. CalGal - 4/6/2001 4:02:35 PM
You're saying the reasons to discriminate are real and rational because that's how women do behave, and then denying that any such discrimination exists.
No. I'm not saying there is any reason to discriminate at all. I am merely saying that if such discrimination exists, it is due to the fact that so many women do bail out in one form or another.
However, any such discrimination is very small and very subtle (quite possibly unconcious), and is counterbalanced, as Pogie points out, by the fact that women are equally good as employees.
I'm not excusing it. I just think it's reasonable to point out that women are more likely to work less hours, be less committed to success, less driven to succeed or for the company to succeed, and most employers consider those attributes valuable. So in the case where all other things are equal and the woman doesn't give off the aura of ambition and drive, it's quite possible that this sort of thinking plays a part.
And as long as women keep quitting and society keeps nodding approvingly when she does, I don't know that it will ever completely disappear. That's why I hold women more responsible than the employers (assuming such discrimination exists).
420. CalGal - 4/6/2001 4:03:51 PM
To the last point in #409...the men had left the firm, taking all the investment in their training with them.
I knew it. See, the downside is, thoughtful, that many employers think they lost the best of the bunch.
421. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 4:10:33 PM
Either I'm too tired or too confused but I tire of trying to follow all the contradictions you continue to post here...there's no discrimination, but if there was it would be justifiable given how women behave, so we hold women responsible, even though employers feel that losing men is losing the best workers, but we know that's not discrimination because it's true, despite the fact that women have proven themselves successful in careers.
...as long as women keep quitting and society keeps nodding approvingly when she does... Been in touch with a welfare mom lately who tried to stay home to care for her kids even though the alternative was to work at 1 or 2 jobs to try to make ends meet and still be less well off? I don't recall society approving of that "stay-at-home" mom. But that's another argument for another day.
422. Cellar Door - 4/6/2001 4:12:42 PM
"I'm amazed at the ease with which you throw around stereotypical generalizations as if they were facts."
I'm amazed you're just noticing this.
423. CalGal - 4/6/2001 4:16:06 PM
Thoughtful,
. The point is *some* women care more about family than career, *some* women care more about career than anything else, *some* men just punch a clock to bring home a check, and *some* men are very dedicated to their jobs and **none** of this justifies why women should be paid less than men
Who on earth said anything about justification?
And of course it isn't all women, thoughtful. That is precisely my point. Discrimination, by definition, is about the group, not the individual.
But it works the other way, too. I can assure you that I do not get paid less across the board than men do, and that I have advanced as much as a cranky, opinionated, process guru could reasonably expect to, and there are plenty of women who can say the same thing. I have had many experiences where I am paid more than any of the men in the company, and vw mentioned a similar experience.
What matters, to me, is that women can succeed, and usually do, if that's what they want. The environment is in place for their success. All they need to do is take advantage of it.
I think women do take advantage of it, but many of them do so in a way that subordinates work to their home and family life. But others take full advantage of it and clearly thrive as equals with men.
I find the 72% number far more damning than the 89% number--but I'm damning a different group than you are. (g)
424. Shannon - 4/6/2001 4:18:07 PM
Been in touch with a welfare mom lately who tried to stay home to care for her kids even though the alternative was to work at 1 or 2 jobs to try to make ends meet and still be less well off
That is, as you say, another argument.
Do you really think that society generally disapproves of women staying home if there is no public assistance involved?
425. JudithAtHome - 4/6/2001 4:22:08 PM
Yes.
426. CalGal - 4/6/2001 4:25:16 PM
Thoughtful,
I think the reason you find it so hard to understand me is that you don't understand my rubric. I consider it normal and understandable that below the radar discrimination occurs--whether legal or not. I don't consider it justified. I figure most employers operate in their own self-interest, and if it turns out that any of the discrepancy occurs due to discrimination, then to me, the issue is to wipe out the rationale for it. The encouraging thing is that it is so small. By far the greatest percent of the discrepancy is due to women's own choices.
So I am talking about itty bitty sways and trends this way and that way and you are interpreting them as something entirely different. Because, of course, you suspect the discrepancy is due entirely to discrimination and I would not be surprised if you actually think it's bigger than 10%.
This makes common ground for discussion difficult.
Been in touch with a welfare mom lately who tried to stay home to care for her kids even though the alternative was to work at 1 or 2 jobs to try to make ends meet and still be less well off?
In general, society feels she should have married a wallet and are now punishing her for not. The contradiction is not surprising. I wish someone would tell society that job training programs are probably more expensive than just giving them a check in the first place, and most of them are going to get off of welfare by marrying (tada) a wallet.
427. CalGal - 4/6/2001 4:28:39 PM
Thoughtful,
I am not throwing around stereotypical generalizations as if they are facts. I am talking about women as a group, and have said so on many occasions. I am using the preferences that vw and the Ms, among others, have referred to.
I believe it is Ase (hi, Ase, wherever you are!) who always points out that there is more variation within gender than between gender.
428. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 4:34:50 PM
CG, I have noticed a consistency in your arguments across a number of issues, which I expect you will wholeheartedly deny....there may be victims of job discrimination but that's their fault and you don't experience it because you are strong and proactive, etc.....there may be women who are victims of domestic abuse, but that's their fault and you don't experience it because you are strong and proactive, etc....there may be people who don't have adequate healthcare but that's their fault and you haven't experienced it because you are strong and proactive, etc....and if everyone were just like you, no one would suffer these problems.
There is a line of thought that suggests that defense lawyers on rape cases should put women in the jury boxes because women are more likely than men to blame the victim. Why? Because if it's the victim's fault, then that gives them a reason to believe it can't happen to them. Well, she shouldn't have dated that guy, or dressed that way, etc. I don't and *I* haven't been raped.
It's the same reason so many young people disdain the elderly. If it's their fault for being old or deaf or slow, then I know it won't happen to me.If I hold them responsible, it means I have some control over avoiding the same fate...despite the undeniable fact that I too will age and become infirmed by it eventually.
429. Erin R. - 4/6/2001 4:40:45 PM
I think CalGal's argument is a common post-feminist one: if you don't want to be a victim, don't act like one. If you don't want to earn 90 percent of a man's wage, don't take that shit.
430. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 4:42:04 PM
I hope you continue to lead your charmed life and not experience the anger of knowing you've been unfairly wronged with no recourse or the shock and disbelief at being suddenly targeted by some stray virus or genetic oddity in your body or pain and helplessness at being the victim of a senseless crime.
But I hope too that you can see that others are not so lucky and can be harmed even though they may be as strong and proactive, etc. as you.
431. Erin R. - 4/6/2001 4:44:22 PM
In my observation, about 90 percent of the bullshit that "happens" to people could have been prevented if they had taken steps to protect themselves.
432. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 4:51:02 PM
Erin R. Thank you for confirming my post.
Oh, to have perfect foresight and be able to plan for every contingency....only thing is, do you drive the car with the air bag knowing it might save your life....or do you drive the one without it knowing the air bag might kill you. Decisions, decisions.
433. CalGal - 4/6/2001 4:53:09 PM
Thoughtful,
In a discussion of any social issue, there are those who place the primary blame on society and those who look to see if the individuals in question might be contributing to it. I suspect I could come up with a whole list of problems that I consider to be societal and you would unhesitatingly assume that the individuals were bringingn it on themselves. You just wouldn't consider them to be very important problems--although I do.
But it's a bit too psychobabbly to say that I just blame others and figure those things wouldn't happen to me. In fact, I think the notion that opinions should be formed solely by experience or self-interest is rather limiting.
434. CalGal - 4/6/2001 4:54:34 PM
I hope you continue to lead your charmed life
This, in particular, is a tad amusing.
435. CalGal - 4/6/2001 4:55:44 PM
But why is it, I wonder, that this conversation--which is quite interesting--had to descend to you attacking me personally? It's the second time, now.
436. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 4:56:20 PM
Gotta luv ya, calgal! You've made my evening!You're saying I've struck a chord that is too psychobabbly for you? I never thought I'd see the day.
437. LimeGirl - 4/6/2001 4:57:15 PM
Probably better to drive in a safe manner, no matter which car you choose. Some stuff you just can't do anything about, but many troubles can be avoided altogether, or at least made less troublesome by thinking and planning ahead.
I also think that victim mentality tends to increase the amount of trouble a person has. If you believe that your troubles are caused by someone else besides you, and that there's nothing you can do about it, you won't do anything. Whereas a different person in the same situation might look at all factors and decide that one of them can't be changed, but the other four can, and then go about changing those. The second person is going to be better off at the end of the day.
438. Erin R. - 4/6/2001 4:57:52 PM
I'm 6'1'. An airbag is more likely to save my life than kill me.
439. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 5:02:46 PM
I'm not attacking you personally now, and technically, I never did call you a nazi before....I suggested you were proposing ideas that were similar to those proposed by the nazis for different reasons.
And given the barbs and language you and others have hurled around these threads, I'm surprised that you would even consider my post an "attack" in any way shape or form.
Rather I'm just repackaging ideas and responses I've seen of yours in this and other threads in a way that would seem to demonstrate a common thread in your thinking and reflecting it back for you to see. (Doing so helps me understand where you may be coming from.) You know it is just one person's view and you are free to accept/trash such a view as you see fit.
440. CalGal - 4/6/2001 5:04:04 PM
You're saying I've struck a chord that is too psychobabbly for you?
No, no. I'm all for psychobabble, but it must be applied correctly.
441. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 5:04:47 PM
ErinR...then obviously you had the wisdom and foresight to choose your parents wisely. Congratulations.
442. Erin R. - 4/6/2001 5:07:00 PM
If I were 5'1", I would have my airbags disabled.
443. CalGal - 4/6/2001 5:11:10 PM
And given the barbs and language you and others have hurled around these threads, I'm surprised that you would even consider my post an "attack" in any way shape or form.
You're right; I should have said that you personalized it. I just was surprised that it couldn't continue as a discussion, rather than turn into your pique at me for having an opinion that irritates you.
I could ask you why you are always ready to blame someone else for your problems, yes? After all, given a problem that you care about, you turn to blaming others. It would be equally inapt to do so, though.
Believe it or not, I want the discrepancy to disappear as much as you do. From my perspective, you confuse the symptom with the problem. But in doing so, you apparently feel free to decide that no one else can possibly analyze the problem differently without being suspect.
444. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 5:27:03 PM
Here's my take on one factor influencing discussion between Calgal and Thoughtful: age.
Calgal is still under the impression that in 10 years she'll be able to control her work life to the extent she has to date. Thoughtful has been there and done that, and watched the casualties fall by the wayside.
My own experience is that I was a young feminist who was gungho on swallowing the 70's feminism for everyone but me: I personally never thought I'd experienced any discrimination. As I've gotten older, I've personally witnessed discrimination, but at the same time have moved away from the old feminist thinking toward a more post-feminist view. The difference is that I temper it with an understanding that not everyone can control their lives to the extent I have, and that I may soon lose more control than I'd like.
My hunch is that the current crop of young post-feminists will face experiences that will shake their faith in the wonders of the "control your destiny" line as they continue to gain experience in the labor market. This in turn has the potential to generate a revived interest in some of the more valid aspects of the earlier feminist thinking.
But then, who the hell knows what's around the corner? I only know one sure thing now, that age is beginning to work against me wrt to my marketability and my opportunities. My lifelong policy, however, has always been to ignore what can't be changed and to focus on what's within my power to address.
And so I continue to invest in my own human capital, and will probably do so for the rest of my useful work life.
445. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 5:27:37 PM
Yes, I did personalize it after I what I thought I heard was a personalized point, if I may overly simplify for the sake of argument, "There is no discrimination because I never experienced it. And if there is it's avoidable, because I've avoided it." And that reminded me of other discussions.
And mind you, I agree wholeheartedly with limegirl about the victim mentally being very harmful to one's self and don't go around blaming people for my problems. I do strive -- though often fail -- to be realistic in my assessment of my situation. And in doing so I recognize that while I may be largely responsible for events, I am not entirely responsible for all that happens to me...and neither are you or anyone else. (I can't believe that me, the control freak, type A person that I am is actually saying this.)
But in doing so, you apparently feel free to decide that no one else can possibly analyze the problem differently without being suspect.
Not at all...if everyone else thought as I did, I certainly wouldn't be here...but I also never wholesale supplant someone else's reasoning or argument for my own unless I fully understand, examine and finally agree with it....so, yes. From that POV, everyone else's argument is necessarily suspect until it makes sense to me.
446. thoughtful - 4/6/2001 5:31:48 PM
Thank you MIT. I agree that age may be a factor, though I don't know how young CG is. (Unfortunately, I know how old I am.) Her arguments though do remind me of myself when I was younger....the good old days when things were black & white instead of grayed down as they are now. Experience does scar us.
447. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 5:35:25 PM
She's under 40 Thoughtful.
Experience often tempers the certainty of youth, it certainly has for me.
448. CalGal - 4/6/2001 5:35:50 PM
Ah, and the Ms joins in.
Age is a different issue from gender. Do you have data suggesting that the pay gap increases as men and women age, like to like?
If not, why are you distracting off onto age? At least in my line of work, age discrimination against men is a common complaint. So until you have data suggesting it's a problem only with women (which is odd, considering how many women are happily rejoining the work force), why bring up age?
We are talking all men and all women, last I checked.
I do not think destiny is controllable. I think women have many choices, and the choices we are discussing here (when to have children, career choices, field of study) are all choices that have a strong element of individual control.
So why not keep the discussion on track? Why distract into some condescending notion about how we'll all feel different when we're as (gasp) old as you are? (notwithstanding the fact that I don't think we're more than six years apart)
The facts are that there is a significant income differential that is due in large part to women's choices. There is little dispute about this, as you've pointed out. The only dispute is what percent of the remaining 10% differential might be due to discrimination.
So what is the point of complaining about discrimination--which can, of course, exist--if the operative issue is that far too many women, despite education or SES, still prioritize finding a wallet to open, rather than ensuring their own has enough for their needs?
449. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 5:40:28 PM
Yes, the pay gap widens with age.
The information is polluted, however, by the fact that women historically haven't had similar work profiles as men as they age, and so I don't think it's very reliable about telling us what may happen in the years to come.
So until you have data suggesting it's a problem only with women (which is odd, considering how many women are happily rejoining the work force), why bring up age?
Because I think it explains some of the differences in your perspectives, that's why.
And you're free to ignore it or to chew on it, matters not to me. I offered my comment mainly for the peanut gallery, and for thoughtful.
450. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 5:45:22 PM
And, you know, I've spent more time here this week than I should have...
But I'm writing a paper and I need the distraction from time to time.
So just in case you thought I'd run from the discussion I'd like to go on record as having beenotherwise occupied.
451. Fielding - 4/6/2001 6:05:19 PM
Cal:
"Again, that's why I favor making divorce--in fact, just having children--far more onerous on men than it is now. "Onerous" in that they will not be expected to write checks, but provide an equal amount of care and time and commitment."
Interesting. How do you do enforce this? You want a judge to determine and review the relationship between a father and a child?
In addition, what about situations where the couple remains married and one partner does the bulk of the parenting? And what about parents that never marry? If you create an imbalance between the parenting responsibilities of a married and a divorced father, a lot of men are going to make it harder on women to get a divorce.
Note also that there are plenty of fathers that I know of who carry more of the parenting load than their conception partners.
452. mgleason - 4/6/2001 6:26:08 PM
I know that employment discrimination exists, though I've not experienced it myself, but I also know that some women contribute to this phenomenon by the choices they make, and perhaps, too, by their internalized acceptance of societal expectations. This is why books like the recent one calling for incentives for stay-at-home mothers burn me up.
453. CalGal - 4/6/2001 6:27:04 PM
Yes, the pay gap widens with age.
Well, I'm only referring to like to like, but your follow up comments suggest that you aren't referring to those sort of comparisons.
Because I think it explains some of the differences in your perspectives, that's why.
You are, what: 6 years older than me? I've been at this site for 3.5 years, give or take, and to the best of my knowledge you've had the same views.
By my count you arrived at this "older but wiser" position when you were about my age now. And yet here I am, without any such change in views.
What happens if an older woman chimes in and says she disagrees with you? How will you dismiss that difference? What if women younger than me agree with you? No doubt you'll say the older one is foolish and the younger wiser than her years.
It's really quite foolish to dismiss views as different based on experience. Not everyone forms opinions based solely on what happens to them or what they observe. I certainly think observations are fine for illustration, but the day I change my opinion based solely on what happens to me and my own self-interest is the day after I have submitted to a lobotomy.
No, I fear you'll have to accept the fact that I'll be just as ruthless about holding women responsible when I'm forty as I am now. Unless all of a sudden the facts themselves change.
Besides, the whole notion of dismissing an argument based on experience is so...chicklike. Really, it's beneath both of you. "Oh, once you have a child you'll change your mind." "Oh, once you get divorced you won't be so smug." "Oh, once you go on welfare you won't be so sure that it's all because of bad choices."
If I wanted that sort of discourse I'd get a new moniker and go back to Tabletalk.
454. CalGal - 4/6/2001 6:31:52 PM
Yes, I did personalize it after I what I thought I heard was a personalized point, if I may overly simplify for the sake of argument, "There is no discrimination because I never experienced it.
That's not what I said at all. You were saying that not all women wanted to marry and burp babies, etc., so how does that justify discrimination? I said it didn't justify discrimination. But also, just as it's wrong to say that all women want to marry and burp babies, it is wrong to say that all women suffer discrimination. They don't. In fact, given that there is only a 11% differential overall, and only about 10% that could possibly be attributed to discrimination, it's pretty clear that many women are not suffering any discrimination.
Back to the topic at hand: what do you think about laws that will make it less easy for women to opt out of providing for themselves and their children? Does anyone else see divorce laws as the best vehicle for that?
455. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 6:37:40 PM
Well, I'm only referring to like to like, but your follow up comments suggest that you aren't referring to those sort of comparisons.
I'd like to give you information on like v like but as I said, there really isn't any systematic data that gives a long term picture of the role gender discrimination may play when confounded with age.
So far, the experience, work history, occupational and industry variables overwhelm any sensitivity to gender among older workers. That is, they are far more important in explaining the widened pay gap between older workers.
We simply don't have enough women who have been in the labor market their entire lives, building equivalent work histories to men to say anything definitive about the compounding effects of age on gender discrimination.
In addition, there are noticable attitudinal and cultural changes wrt age discrimination generally, that is, there is some evidence that the age discrimination protections under federal laws have had some mitigating effects on employers discriminatory behavior toward older workers.
There have been some studies on women workers, and in comparing their work life-cycles to men, which indicate that older women actually have a tendency to increase their commitment to the labor market at the same time that men are reducing their commitments. Several factors have been identified as contributing to this, not the least of which is a greater economic need among older women to work than among older men.
But like to like studies among high income workers aren't thick on the ground yet.
456. Erin R. - 4/6/2001 6:38:13 PM
Which laws did you have in mind?
457. CalGal - 4/6/2001 6:38:39 PM
You want a judge to determine and review the relationship between a father and a child?
No. The obvious way would be mandatory JPC.
And what about parents that never marry?
I'm not only referring to marriage. That's what the hyphenated clause "in fact, just having children" refers to.
As it is now, there is very little difference between custody and financial arrangements for parents who are never married and those who are divorced. The marriage property is a different issue.
If you create an imbalance between the parenting responsibilities of a married and a divorced father, a lot of men are going to make it harder on women to get a divorce.
There is already a substantial difference in responsibilities between a married and divorced father--the court requires a certain amount of income transfer and they have no say in it. I don't believe courts require that parents spend X on kids if they are married. So this would be added to it. At the same time, it means that women would have very little reason to want divorce--community property disappears in my proposal. No alimony, no child support. They are responsible for the kids on their days, they provide clothing and food out of their own pockets. Most other costs are split.
It doesn't really matter if one parent spent the bulk of their parenting time while married. Just as it doesn't matter if a mother never spent any money on her kids while married and then demands $2000/month in child support (and, of course, there's still no requirement she spends it on her kids).
458. Fielding - 4/6/2001 6:40:12 PM
What's a JPC?
459. CalGal - 4/6/2001 6:40:45 PM
There have been some studies on women workers, and in comparing their work life-cycles to men, which indicate that older women actually have a tendency to increase their commitment to the labor market at the same time that men are reducing their commitments.
I mentioned this earlier; I think it might be due in part to economic need. But it might also be because many women decide to return to the job market after the kiddies leave.
460. CalGal - 4/6/2001 6:43:49 PM
Erin,
I see divorce laws as the major motivator. I can't think of any other laws that would cause women to change their behavior. But I'm open to suggestions.
461. CalGal - 4/6/2001 6:44:38 PM
Mandatory Joint Physical Custody.
And I mean real joint physical custody, not the farce going around these days, which has the qualifier, "with primary physical custody going to the mother".
462. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 6:46:10 PM
No, I fear you'll have to accept the fact that I'll be just as ruthless about holding women responsible when I'm forty as I am now. Unless all of a sudden the facts themselves change.
Most likely, I'll wait to see what you do when you're 55 however.
By my count you arrived at this "older but wiser" position when you were about my age now. And yet here I am, without any such change in views.
I don't think so, I think I arrived at it in my early 40's.
What happens if an older woman chimes in and says she disagrees with you?
I'd like to hear it, myself, it would increase the information I currently have, and give me pause in my tentative hypotheses to date. I'm perfectly willing to revise my positions when I'm presented with good alternative explanations, or data that confirms a different perspective. I've nothing personal invested in these comments you know.
They're all just working hypotheses, IMO.
463. Erin R. - 4/6/2001 6:48:06 PM
I don't know about divorce laws, but I'm all for encouraging women to think of themselves as breadwinners. Which is why I'm now so proud of my step daughter.
Cal, there's a hilarious discussion going on in MWT: Looking ahead to your dau(g)ther's marriage prospects. Wish you were there.
464. Erin R. - 4/6/2001 6:49:27 PM
If you're concerned about breadwinning abilities at age 55, what are you doing about it? What can be done about it?
465. CalGal - 4/6/2001 6:50:32 PM
Oh, lord. Do you tell me these things to punish me? Such a cruel person.
Ms,
I'm sure you know some women older than you who disagree with you. I can think of several, including my mother. My mother, incidentally, was a sahm who was not a role model. But her views are roughly in line with my own.
466. CalGal - 4/6/2001 6:57:44 PM
Ms,
But you're not 55, either.
Besides, we both surely know of women in their 50s who aren't suffering and are doing well in their careers.
467. Erin R. - 4/6/2001 6:58:14 PM
It's all about how educated girls will have lean pickings when it comes time to marry, and how boys these days suck because they can't fix their own cars.
I think my mother, who is 52, would agree with me and Cal.
468. Cellar Door - 4/6/2001 7:00:26 PM
The British "Ex-Gay" Movement Throws in the Towel.
469. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 7:27:32 PM
I don't know women in their mid to late 50's who've worked all their lives who also think that they're in complete control over their economic fates. I know women who believe that they suffer the dual problem of both gender and age discrimination, and don't seem to be able to separate the effects.
Btw, it doesn't surprise me in the least that stay at home women would agree with your position, my god, why wouldn't they? What experience would they have to suggest any other belief than self-destiny?
However, you've some experience otherwise. I withdraw my comments.
470. CalGal - 4/6/2001 8:01:46 PM
Ms,
But there you are, deciding that experience determines opinion again. In fact, you are completely wrong about my mother, who has always held that it is important for women to be able to provide for themselves. I wish that she'd realized that there was more to "providing for oneself" than being able to get an excellent secretarial position in a hurry, but there's no question that she believed in being self-reliant from the time she was a teenager. Had her priorities been a bit grander in scope, I'd have a hell of an inheritance. Sigh.
As far as women "believing" they suffer gender discrimination--I am always very skeptical of those who say it exists and those who say they have suffered from it. In most cases, I hear their tale of what they consider to be profound discrimination and am left unmoved, much less convinced.
I scoff at my male friends who worry about age discrimination, too, but that's because they are senior level experts who probably have nothing to worry about. I don't doubt that age discrimination can be a factor in mid-level employees who are competing against younger workers.
472. MsIvoryTower - 4/6/2001 10:47:25 PM
But there you are, deciding that experience determines opinion again.
Occasionally, it would be grand if you didn't jump with both feet into the wrong tunnel and take off running.
You're the one who asserted you know anecdotal evidence that undermines my comment. I simply acknowledged that and withdrew from the conversation. I know by now when it's pointless.
As far as women "believing" they suffer gender discrimination--I am always very skeptical of those who say it exists and those who say they have suffered from it.
Good for you. Lucky that others actually take such information seriously, or we'd not have any discrimination laws on the books.
In most cases, I hear their tale of what they consider to be profound discrimination and am left unmoved, much less convinced.
I see. Well, the upside is that I doubt there's much that would convince you, given the strength of your opinions.
I scoff at my male friends who worry about age discrimination, too, but that's because they are senior level experts who probably have nothing to worry about.
hahaha, you must be very hard to have as a friend. No tea and sympathy for you.....
473. CalGal - 4/6/2001 11:00:40 PM
You're the one who asserted you know anecdotal evidence that undermines my comment.
Oh, unfair. It was you who said that my opinions were derived primarily from my (ha) youth--as a "working hypothesis". Using that yardstick, I asked what you would do if older women disagreed with you. You said you'd like to hear from them and I said but surely we both knew some and cited one example. You then used another yardstick (the fact that my mother was SAHM) to dismiss that example. Of course, that wasn't originally part of your hypothesis. Does it keep changing?
I certainly was not citing anecdotal evidence to disprove anything other than the hypothesis that you yourself set up--and it was not one that allowed for exceptions, originally.
Lucky that others actually take such information seriously, or we'd not have any discrimination laws on the books.
Not so. Discrimination laws are on the books because of very real discrimination--firing women when men became available, having written policies that paid women less and made women ineligible for jobs and various colleges. There was no need to "believe" anyone back then, there was plenty of documentation supporting it, because most people thought it was reasonable to discriminate against women.
Well, the upside is that I doubt there's much that would convince you, given the strength of your opinions.
Not true. I have seen discrimination before myself and occasionally hear a tale that rings true. But I'm talking about women who say things like, "The women all got paid less than the men, and in my case I did all the work and was four times as valuable and yet the men got all the glory" and I'm like "yeah, yeah". (That's also what I say to men with stories like that).
I am sure I'm quite difficult to have as a friend, but in all fairness to me, my scoffing is a way of reassuring them.
474. CalGal - 4/6/2001 11:06:38 PM
I also think you are missing the point: I object to you and thoughtful distracting off to try and come up with a reason for my opinion, rather than addressing it, disagreeing with it, or whatever. We then began debating the validity of your hypothesis, but my objection still stands.
Also, I find you and thoughtful both prone to overstating my case. For example, I have never said that anyone is in "complete control" of their economic "fates". Ill health and accidents can screw up the most solid of plans. But we aren't talking about women who are unable to control their lives due to bad luck, by and large. We're talking about women consistently making choices that result in them having less money, less power, and less control.
475. Jon Ferguson - 4/6/2001 11:08:51 PM
re 465
I'm sure you know some women older than you who disagree with you. I can think of several, including my mother. My mother, incidentally, was a sahm who was not a role model. But her views are roughly in line with my own.
Calgal's 'mother' was a single adult homosexual male (sahm)? Is that why she has so many issues with CD? (g)
476. CalGal - 4/6/2001 11:11:42 PM
I have no issues with Cellar. Besides, he's not single.
480. angel-five - 4/7/2001 2:26:52 AM
Older women don't disagree with me. Some chianti and fava beans and not so much as a twinge in the tum, but it's all a matter of how you spice them.
481. MsIvoryTower - 4/7/2001 9:01:18 AM
Not so. Discrimination laws are on the books because of very real discrimination--firing women when men became available, having written policies that paid women less and made women ineligible for jobs and various colleges.
Women first related their experiences, then the research came, and laws were developed as a result.
There was no need to "believe" anyone back then, there was plenty of documentation supporting it, because most people thought it was reasonable to discriminate against women.
There certainly was a need to "believe" women's stories. There was no attempt to address the issue until women actually began telling their stories. Someone had to investigate.
You discount women's experience as relevant, particularly if there can be found any counter-experiences. In fact, you admitted you've scoffed at womens' stories because they didn't convince you. I'm sure they felt lucky that those original stories of discrimination were taken seriously enough by some to investigate and research it.
Are you so naive that you think once overt discrimination is addressed all discrimination is over? If so, I can understand why CD is enraged with you.
And I was being kind to attribute some of the rigidity of your views and opinions to age; if there's no excuse, then I can only chalk it up to an incredible self-absorbtion and lack of understanding of lives other than your own.
482. MsIvoryTower - 4/7/2001 9:09:23 AM
And as far as I'm concerned, I've made my statements regarding women's pay, the reasons for them, and what factors are likely to keep the gap alive for the forseeable future.
I retract my comment on the possibility that age and experience will cause some here to change their views. Obviously, that will not be the case.
484. MsIvoryTower - 4/7/2001 10:56:38 AM
We know you do your frothing and foaming in private.
Do you think I should be more public, CD?
Hard to change one's style to such an extent....
485. CalGal - 4/7/2001 12:30:14 PM
There certainly was a need to "believe" women's stories. There was no attempt to address the issue until women actually began telling their stories. Someone had to investigate.
There was no need to "believe" anything. Discrimination was a documented and established fact of life, not something that was hidden. There were laws preventing women from working at night. The government "encouraged" employers during WWII to pay women as much as they paid men, rather than pay them less as was the usual practice. Such compliance was voluntary. There were separate wants ads for men and women.
Women didn't have to "believed". Discrimination was not only a fact, it was written into the laws. The EPA mandated that existing laws and documented employment practices be eliminated.
Are you so naive that you think once overt discrimination is addressed all discrimination is over?
Are you so committed to huffing and puffing that you don't actually read what I say? See 473. I'll leave it to you to figure out which paragraph.
I do believe that people who view the world from a "victimized group" perspective quite often see it where none exists. I also am very aware that there are far too many people out there who have no clue what makes employers tick, and as a result their whinings about how "I do all the work and [some other members of some other class] get promoted" are never going to be compelling to me.
You discount women's experience as relevant, particularly if there can be found any counter-experiences.
No, I don't discount their experience. I just reserve the right to interpret it differently. Just because someone thinks they've been discriminated against doesn't mean that any discrimination occurred.
486. CalGal - 4/7/2001 12:42:46 PM
In fact, you admitted you've scoffed at womens' stories because they didn't convince you.
Actually, I said I scoffed at male friends. You should read more carefully.
That said, I do scoff at anyone whose complaints betray ignorance of how the workplace operates and ascribe it to discrimination or other unfair practices.
I think women who think they have been discriminated against should build a case and take it to court. If they can't build a case, they should realize two things: 1) it might not actually be discrimination, and 2) if they are unhappy or underpaid, regardless of the cause, they should leave.
I would also point out that it is by no means a given that sexist behavior correlates to less pay for women. It's quite possible for a boss's rough and sexist behavior to go along with a ready willingness to reward by results, not beliefs. But any number of women will tell me "horror" stories about a boss's Hooter's jokes as proof they are discriminated against. Are you being paid less? Getting fewer opportunities? I'll ask. They either "feel sure they are" or, in many cases, are actually doing very well. But if the boss is sexist surely they're discriminated against. Sigh.
I also wonder if any discrimination suits have been brought against women for discriminating against other women, since I've certainly heard more disparaging remarks about female employees (and managers) from women than I have about men.
487. CalGal - 4/7/2001 12:52:11 PM
Some links I found:
EXPLAINING TRENDS IN THE GENDER WAGE GAP: A Report by the Council of Economic Advisers
Corning Glass Works vs. Brennan
Milestones in EEOC History, by year
488. vw - 4/7/2001 12:55:40 PM
Posts 397, 398, & 400 deleted as dups.
Posts 471, 477- 479, 483 moved to the Inferno.
489. vw - 4/7/2001 1:01:38 PM
Hey, who ever put the recent conversation on gender/income on the front page, thanks. I've been in lawyer/house inspection hell the last 48 hrs and haven't had time to log in until now.
490. MsIvoryTower - 4/7/2001 7:25:13 PM
Actually, I said I scoffed at male friends. You should read more carefully.
As far as women "believing" they suffer gender discrimination--I am always very skeptical of those who say it exists and those who say they have suffered from it. In most cases, I hear their tale of what they consider to be profound discrimination and am left unmoved, much less convinced.
Semantics games.....
491. MsIvoryTower - 4/7/2001 7:32:14 PM
What, you didn't believe my comments vw?
Anyway, the link reports the a lot of the research I tried to summarize in my cryptic comments. However, I think they're off on the 25% still remaining unexplained.
Studies that look within fields, like across all engineers, or teachers or MBA's, find a narrower differential once experience and hours worked are controlled for (among other things). The differential narrows to under 15% in most cases, and can be even lower depending on the field.
For instance, among teachers, the unexplained differential is only between 5-7% after everything under the sun has been accounted for.
492. MsIvoryTower - 4/7/2001 7:33:38 PM
omit the "the" before the a lot and close those latter two....
I'm going to preview one of these days, I swear.
493. vw - 4/7/2001 7:42:35 PM
What, you didn't believe my comments vw?
Huh? I'm not sure what you're referring to MsIT.
494. MsIvoryTower - 4/7/2001 7:46:42 PM
I was just teasing, vw.
You posted the study above which includes most of the research I cryptically referred to in my previous posts on the topic.
I just take exception to their conclusion that 25% of the wage gap remains unexplained. Not so, when within-field analyses are included.
495. CalGal - 4/7/2001 8:16:54 PM
Ms,
I'm not sure why you decide it's semantics. I don't automatically sympathize and agree with every woman who thinks she has a horror story about discrimination. It has to be something that I think is discrimination, and then it has to be something I think is a horror story.
Incidentally, I feel reasonably sure that if a man posted a story about the discrimination he suffered you would be less than sympathetic--particularly if he posted it to prove that men suffer, too.
Apparently I am supposed to practice gender discrimination in my sympathy allocation--I am to sympathize with women merely because they are women?
496. Cellar Door - 4/7/2001 9:42:41 PM
Women should be sold into slavery.
Look what wonders slavery created for African-Americans.
I've no doubt it would do women a world of good.
497. vw - 4/8/2001 9:34:06 AM
It is rather ridiculous to sit here and deny the role of women’s choices in employment as contributing to the wage gap when the very studies defining the matter say the same thing.
From the conclusion of The Council of Economic Advisers report:
498. vw - 4/8/2001 9:34:23 AM
(Sorry, MsIT … my humor indicator and long-term memory must be on the fritz – chalk it up the fact that my frazzled status is at Def Con 2 – grin)
499. vw - 4/8/2001 9:51:17 AM
As an employer, I tend to prefer to hire married people with children. I find that they are more stable, more reliable and less likely to pack up and move to the West Coast two weeks after I have finished paying for their training.
Is that discrimination? In part. I am making assumptions about young unmarried and/or child free people based on stereotypes and past experience that shape my interactions with that population.
But it is also partially based on statistical fact. Young unmarried people are 34% more likely to leave employment in the first 18 months of the job (which depending on their position costs my company somewhere between $4500-$6500). That is a fact and a monetary cost that I cannot ignore if I’m going to keep my company afloat. Does that mean I refuse to hire young unmarried employees? No. It means I evaluate them in a different manner.
I suppose in a better world I wouldn’t care about such things and would never ask any other question except for “can you do the job”. But I don’t run a business in a better world. I run one here and now where “who you are” demographically does play some part in how you are evaluated. I try to be very aware of what and how I make these decisions. I try to be aware of my own prejudices. But after having three such employees leave my company in one year at a cost to the company of almost $15,000, I am wary.
500. MsIvoryTower - 4/8/2001 10:33:03 AM
vw
It's called "statistical discrimination"...
501. CalGal - 4/9/2001 12:02:21 PM
I'm always astonished that employers still pay for training on anything other than "How things work at Our Company". This isn't a slam at you, vw, just my woefully ignorant take on standard business practice.
In larger companies I think some of them try to recoup costs from the employee if they leave too quickly.
Statistical discrimination is what I was referring to earlier--just didn't know how to describe it.
Do the comparisons generally compare industry to industry, private sector to private sector, and so on? Women do tend to work in government jobs and "safe" jobs in the private sector more than men.
Also, I found it astonishing that the report mentions that women are, as a group, less productive than men. The report mentions this as if it is irrelevant, since the degree to which they are less productive is less than the paygap. Obviously all women can't be less productive, or we wouldn't do as well as individuals--and yet we do. But I wonder how much that plays into it?
I suppose you can't compare groups by productivity rather than pay--too difficult? It would be interesting to see if the wage gap disappears when you correlate for productivity.
502. rubberducky - 4/9/2001 12:18:48 PM
Re: Message # 501, CalGal.
I'm always astonished that employers still pay for training on anything other than "How things work at Our Company".
of course they are and will for a very long time. it is looked at by the employee as one of the bennies of working for Company X and a way for the company to give the employee something that isn't hard cash and can potentially save them (relative) $$.
503. CalGal - 4/9/2001 12:28:29 PM
Well, you don't have to get me started on untaxed bennies.
I understand that the employee looks on it that way. But I'm not sure all that much is in it for the employer, once you get past the skills that are only applicable to their own company.
Of course, even that training represents a cost, but at least you know the employee isn't using it elsewhere.
504. thoughtful - 4/9/2001 1:09:02 PM
I had posted this study before a long time ago, but I'm including it again here because it suggests that there is a generational element to women's perception/experience of discrimination.
The Committee discovered that junior women faculty feel well supported within their departments and most do not believe that gender bias will impact their careers. Junior women faculty believe, however, that family-work conflicts may impact their careers differently from those of their male colleagues. In contrast to junior women, many tenured women faculty feel marginalized and excluded from a significant role in their departments. Marginalization increases as women progress through their careers at MIT. Examination of data revealed that marginalization was often accompanied by differences in salary, space, awards, resources, and response to outside offers between men and women faculty with women receiving less despite professional accomplishments equal to those of their male colleagues. An important finding was that this pattern repeats itself in successive generations of women faculty.
In thinking about this it follows in that firms may often have more structured starting salaries and it takes time for the greater variation to creep in as employees progress through their career. Also salary differences early on in a career may be so marginal as to be imperceptible, but can grow over time. Perceptions by upper management as to what it takes to be a leader may also impact the salary and position decisions -- something younger workers are less likely to experience.
505. vw - 4/9/2001 7:47:38 PM
It's called "statistical discrimination"...
Yes, thank you. And I imagine that it is the hardest form of discrimination to prevent. Logically, I know that my bias is unfair and illogical, therefore I attempt to think carefully about it before reacting. Nonetheless, from a gut level business sense I feel perfectly justified on some level because I can point to stats that support my bias.
506. vw - 4/9/2001 7:57:01 PM
In larger companies I think some of them try to recoup costs from the employee if they leave too quickly.
Yeah, that's the problem with being a small company - to little to absorb the costs easily and not big enough to start a legal wrangle over every penny. Sometimes the most cost effective thing to do is take it in the shorts and try not to let it happen again.
507. Dusty - 4/10/2001 8:29:05 AM
Sorry if this is off the subject, but I have a question that fits the thread title.
I'm reading the Front Page WSJ article on the woes of a bail bondsman. A very cursory review of the article, and a few selected bail bonds sites suggests that the model for a bail bond is still the standard one: get 10% as a fee, and collateral (sometimes) to ensure that the person doesn't skip town.
There's an obviously better model: attach an electronic bracelet to ensure they don't skip town. I can only surmise that there are social issues associated with such an approach. Does anyone here think that it would be a violation of someone's rights to if they had the voluntary option of an electronic bracelet in exchange for a lower bail bond cost? If so, why?
508. thoughtful - 4/10/2001 8:31:11 AM
Didn't Darryl Strawberry have an electronic ankle bracelet on? Initially I would question the effectiveness. But if a person volunteers, I don't see it as violating their rights.
509. vw - 4/11/2001 8:28:11 AM
There's an obviously better model: attach an electronic bracelet to ensure they don't skip town.
Obviously better how? I thought I had heard that they are relatively easy to remove and not effectively monitored? I think I can remember a couple of over publicized cases where crimes were committed while the person was wearing the bracelet?
Are they expensive?
510. Dusty - 4/11/2001 8:45:17 AM
vw
I thought I had heard that they are relatively easy to remove and not effectively monitored?
I think I can remember a couple of over publicized cases where crimes were committed while the person was wearing the bracelet?
Are they expensive?
511. CalGal - 4/11/2001 9:49:39 AM
It's not just the cost of the bracelet, it's the cost of the monitoring. Also, I imagine most people don't skip town after posting bail, so it may be an expensive solution for something that isn't enough of a problem.
512. Erin R. - 4/11/2001 10:38:06 AM
Well, I just got my first recruiter voice mail on the new job. Guess I should call them back.
513. Erin R. - 4/11/2001 10:39:45 AM
Whoops! I meant to post that in the money thread.
514. Dusty - 4/11/2001 10:54:27 AM
CalGal
It's enough of a problem that the multi-billion dollar insurer AIG threw in the towel because the losses were too much.
I can work out the finances. I'm just interested in whether there are social objections.
515. CalGal - 4/11/2001 12:29:28 PM
Well, they aren't guilty yet, are they? I suppose that's the logical objection. Do you get the money back if you're innocent?
516. Shannon - 4/11/2001 12:35:27 PM
Bail money? You get that back simply by showing up to trail, don't you?
I had to bail a boyfriend's friend out of jail once. I must say, the bail bondsman was the only helpful person we dealt with. The cops LIED to us about where the jail was, causing us to roam all over town. When we called the jail, nobody would tell us anything. We weren't sure he was even there yet, as he'd just been arrested. We got fed up with trying to get info, and went to the bail bonds place. The woman made a couple of phone calls, took our money and information, and told us when/where to be to pick him up.
517. Ms. No - 4/11/2001 12:37:54 PM
If you've ever visited anyone in jail they (the cops) make you feel like a criminal they just haven't caught yet. It's really demeaning.
518. vw - 4/11/2001 5:53:17 PM
Here's an article from 12/06/99 describing a GPS bracelet system: 519. vw - 4/11/2001 5:54:50 PM Oops, sorry. The link above was supposed to be: The Long Arm of the Law 520. wonkers2 - 4/11/2001 10:06:40 PM Amazing technology. Quite a few new cars offer an OnStar option which, among other things, will tell exactly where a car is at any given time. Great if your car is stolen. Not so great if you go somewhere you would prefer no one know about and it's all in a computer somewhere. The system may include a record of your speed also. Not sure about this. Scary. 521. joezan - 4/11/2001 11:49:31 PM Our court had been looking into the possibility of using the GPS trackers, mainly as a tool for alleviating overcrowding. 522. Dusty - 4/12/2001 8:04:59 AM vw 523. vw - 4/13/2001 8:29:51 AM Would you go and watch? Okla. families can watch McVeigh execution on TV 524. vw - 4/13/2001 8:32:37 AM Here's an opinion piece on the topic: A Slippery Slope to Public Executions? 525. rubberducky - 4/13/2001 9:25:05 AM as i said when this was mentioned as an idea before, i'm all for it and would most assuredly watch execution. 526. Shannon - 4/13/2001 9:40:09 AM Dusty, 527. bubbaette - 4/13/2001 9:46:18 AM I most certainly would not watch -- but then I don't go to blood and guts movies either. 528. CalGal - 4/13/2001 11:19:38 AM I agree with Morrow's take on it--far better to put the guy in total radio silence than give him the vindication of being killed. 529. rubberducky - 4/13/2001 11:28:18 AM it is different because there are so many affected that it's impossible to fit them all anywhere other than a football stadium. and executions have never been televised that i'm aware of. 530. mgleason - 4/13/2001 11:34:26 AM There's room for ten of the OK people at the execution, I think. I haven't read who they are. 531. CalGal - 4/13/2001 11:35:14 AM Oh, well then. I think they have the same right as any other relatives. Is it going to be taped? 532. mgleason - 4/13/2001 11:38:31 AM I read that Federal law prohibits taping. 533. CalGal - 4/13/2001 11:38:37 AM Hadn't refreshed, obviously. 534. rubberducky - 4/13/2001 12:01:50 PM i hope they tape it myself. 535. mgleason - 4/13/2001 12:06:13 PM It's death by lethal injection, old chap. The Feds are too civilized to use Ol' Sparky. 536. rubberducky - 4/13/2001 12:08:59 PM oh 537. mgleason - 4/13/2001 12:15:42 PM It sure ain't FL, where there used to be a better than even chance of seeing flames shoot out from the person's head. 538. rubberducky - 4/13/2001 12:16:37 PM sigh 539. Wombat - 4/13/2001 12:59:17 PM Not only should executions be public, but they should be as gruesome as possible. They should be broadcast on every network during prime time. If this does not deter crime (as capital punishment's advocates sometimes claim), than the spectacle of state applied vengeance should disgust enough people to reconsider capital punishment altogether. 540. Dusty - 4/16/2001 7:42:19 AM Economist Opinion on cloning 541. CalGal - 4/16/2001 10:35:35 AM I'm against. I don't see any reason why it should be allowed at any point, default or not. 542. Erin R. - 4/16/2001 10:53:16 AM I have absolutely no problem with cloning, as long as they can work out the kinks with the aforementioned genetic defects. 543. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 10:55:34 AM eh, people should be able to clone themselves with little or no hindrances as long as a clone can be marked, somehow, as such. 544. CalGal - 4/16/2001 10:58:20 AM I'm not sure you can know whether or not there are genetic kinks for a long time. And until we actually started experimenting with humans we wouldn't be able to tell whether there were serious personality issues. 545. Erin R. - 4/16/2001 10:59:32 AM Why should a clone be "marked?" 546. CalGal - 4/16/2001 10:59:35 AM I'm not sure you can know whether or not there are genetic kinks for a long time. 547. Dusty - 4/16/2001 11:01:52 AM What genetic defects? 548. CalGal - 4/16/2001 11:03:57 AM There are serious problems--the one I remember is the mice or rats that became incredibly fat when they hit puberty. But there were others, even among the sheep. 549. Ronski - 4/16/2001 11:08:22 AM There is a small risk of genetic damage in cloning. It happens even in the plant world. Whether you are duplicating a tulip or daffodil bulb, or replicating an orchid plant through meristem culture, there is a certain percentage of offspring that are damaged or differ from the parent. It is as if nature is insisting that nothing ever be permanent. 550. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 11:10:45 AM Re: Message # 544, CalGal. 551. Erin R. - 4/16/2001 11:11:18 AM I've been reading that theoretically, clones would live no longer than the "parent," that is, if a man is cloned at 30, and has a life expectancy of 70, the clone would live no longer than 40 years. 552. CalGal - 4/16/2001 11:11:42 AM i would look at my clone as my property. it is me and i would do with it as i will. 553. CalGal - 4/16/2001 11:13:31 AM It's actually because of Ducky's approach that I oppose cloning no matter what. I think it will create a whole host of human rights issues. 554. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 11:13:54 AM CG: 555. Ronski - 4/16/2001 11:15:16 AM A clone will, of course, be a human being with all the rights human beings have. To suggest that they can be harvested for organs is preposterous. 556. Ronski - 4/16/2001 11:16:42 AM ErinR, 557. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 11:18:31 AM if no harvesting of organs is allowed, then ban cloning. there are enough damn people on this planet as it is. 558. CalGal - 4/16/2001 11:19:35 AM Ronski, 559. Erin R. - 4/16/2001 11:25:43 AM I've read that this is a big problem with cloning. 560. Ronski - 4/16/2001 11:25:47 AM Cal, 561. Dusty - 4/16/2001 11:25:48 AM Erin R. 562. Dusty - 4/16/2001 11:26:46 AM rubberducky is clearly wrong. In fact, I doubt it was serious, I suspect it was a troll. 563. Ronski - 4/16/2001 11:28:39 AM Perhaps the older DNA is consistent with the problem of genetic defects. Cells are not programmed to divide indefinitely. 564. Erin R. - 4/16/2001 11:28:54 AM http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,26348,00.html 565. CalGal - 4/16/2001 11:29:41 AM Ronski, 566. Dusty - 4/16/2001 11:29:47 AM Here is one article on the aging issue: 567. Dusty - 4/16/2001 11:31:47 AM CalGal 568. Dusty - 4/16/2001 11:36:07 AM A different aging "conclusion": 569. CalGal - 4/16/2001 11:38:51 AM Dusty, 570. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 11:38:56 AM Dusty 571. Dusty - 4/16/2001 11:39:30 AM Erin R. 572. Erin R. - 4/16/2001 11:40:15 AM There is still a lot of inconclusiveness regarding the aging issue. But I support further research. 573. Dusty - 4/16/2001 11:41:31 AM CalGal 574. Dusty - 4/16/2001 11:43:59 AM rubberducky 575. CalGal - 4/16/2001 11:47:39 AM Dusty, 576. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 11:47:49 AM children aren't exact dups of an existing (or previously existed) human being. 577. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 11:49:46 AM insert reason in between (b) & why in my Message # 576 578. Ronski - 4/16/2001 11:54:18 AM I think everything should be allowed unless there is a damn good reason not to. 579. Dusty - 4/16/2001 11:55:17 AM CalGal 580. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 11:57:46 AM Re: Message # 578, Ronski. 581. CalGal - 4/16/2001 11:59:01 AM Dusty, 582. Dusty - 4/16/2001 11:59:03 AM CalGal 583. Dusty - 4/16/2001 12:02:01 PM rubberducky 584. Dusty - 4/16/2001 12:04:02 PM rubberducky 585. CalGal - 4/16/2001 12:07:20 PM Does this mean you support a ban on IVF, and other artificial ways of helping the birth process? 586. Ronski - 4/16/2001 12:07:49 PM rubberducky, 587. Ronski - 4/16/2001 12:10:38 PM If a scientist has the means to clone someone, and an individual has both the desire and the financial resources to be bring it about, it is no one else's business, and certainly not the government's. 588. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 12:13:09 PM Re: Message # 583 & Message # 584, Dusty. 589. Ronski - 4/16/2001 12:16:20 PM The question is not why should this be allowed, but rather, why should it be banned, since that appears to be what is being advocated here. I don't see any strong case being made for the banning. 590. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 12:27:08 PM Re: Message # 586, Ronski. 591. Dusty - 4/16/2001 12:32:57 PM rubberducky 592. Ronski - 4/16/2001 12:34:02 PM rubberducky, 593. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 12:36:39 PM Dusty: 594. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 12:40:25 PM Ronski: 595. Ronski - 4/16/2001 1:07:54 PM rubberducky, 596. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 1:13:42 PM Re:Message # 595, Ronski. 597. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 1:16:53 PM dammit 598. Dusty - 4/16/2001 1:17:54 PM I don't claim this site to be unbiased, but it is an interesting list: 599. Ronski - 4/16/2001 1:23:33 PM rubberducky, 600. labwabbit - 4/16/2001 1:29:01 PM Cloning- to offset abortions. 601. Dusty - 4/16/2001 1:30:33 PM rubberducky 602. Dusty - 4/16/2001 1:35:18 PM rubberducky 603. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 1:39:37 PM Ronski: 604. Ronski - 4/16/2001 1:41:43 PM The government does not have all the weapons. The second amendment reserves some of those weapons to the people. The rest of the constitution and bill of rights also gives the people the weapon of the ballot box. 605. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 1:42:46 PM Re: Message # 601 & Message # 602, Dusty. 606. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 1:46:27 PM oh, not all 607. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 1:49:13 PM crazy 608. rubberducky - 4/16/2001 1:49:33 PM hehe 609. Ronski - 4/16/2001 1:50:59 PM Wrong way to look at it, imo. 610. mgleason - 4/16/2001 2:09:19 PM A useful timeline on recent developments in cloning, and Clonaid, the company set up by the Raelians referred to in the timeline. 611. Ronski - 4/16/2001 2:12:58 PM Who will be performing at Clonaid, by the way? 612. mgleason - 4/16/2001 2:14:02 PM The Elohim, of course. 613. Erin R. - 4/16/2001 2:17:42 PM Clonaid...sounds like government assistance for clones. 614. mgleason - 4/16/2001 2:21:47 PM You really should read about the Raelians: 615. labwabbit - 4/16/2001 2:22:09 PM Clonaid...sounds like government assistance for clones 616. JudithAtHome - 4/16/2001 2:29:46 PM Clonaid... 617. labwabbit - 4/16/2001 2:36:13 PM Laxative...definitely 618. Dusty - 4/16/2001 2:52:15 PM In an eerie coincidence RAËL is available for public speeches about human cloning for a fee of 100 000 US $. the same price as Clinton, and neither are scheduled to speak at Stanford. 619. mgleason - 4/16/2001 3:05:49 PM SF fans should check out CJ Cherryh's Cyteen for a thought-provoking novel dealing with cloning. 620. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 3:09:55 PM Dusty, 621. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 3:10:21 PM cont. 622. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 3:10:33 PM cont. 623. mgleason - 4/16/2001 3:14:57 PM There's already one case (that I know of) where parents had another child specifically to attempt to save the life of one that was dying (bone marrow transplant, I think). 624. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 3:19:06 PM Maria, 625. Ronski - 4/16/2001 3:25:47 PM By Ms. No's standard, having children through regular intercourse "clearly harms society" by first failing to adopt all those "children already in existence." 626. mgleason - 4/16/2001 3:26:58 PM I don't know what to think about that case, Christin. I can understand trying everything to save the life of someone you love, but the fact is that the other child was basically created for spare parts. 627. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 3:34:55 PM Ronski, 628. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 3:37:27 PM Maria, 629. CalGal - 4/16/2001 3:41:49 PM Maria, 630. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 3:42:23 PM A friend of mine works in cryogenics -- specifically freezing "stem cells" from the umbilical chord at birth. I don't remember the whole list of things that they're supposed to be an aid for, but I don't have a problem with this at all. 631. CalGal - 4/16/2001 3:43:59 PM Twins are not clones. Twins are duplicates of each other, but they were formed through conception--sperm and egg meet and get it on. 632. Ronski - 4/16/2001 3:51:31 PM Ms. No, 633. CalGal - 4/16/2001 3:56:28 PM But gay male couples (women can opt to have children at any time) and infertile couples have no reason to clone, since they have IVF. 634. Ronski - 4/16/2001 4:03:23 PM First of all, I don't want to do it this way. I find cloning yucky, like most people, and prefer that people adopt the children already around than to do handsprings to create new ones. 635. CalGal - 4/16/2001 4:07:38 PM And the burden of proof should be on those who are calling on government to ban such procedures. 636. CalGal - 4/16/2001 4:08:20 PM As for it being your own personal view, I was speaking rhetorically. 637. Ronski - 4/16/2001 4:12:03 PM There is perhaps no constitutional right to clone (although that remains to be seen, given the Court's ability to create just about any right it wishes), but there certainly is an expectation that government action should have some sort of palpable justification. Squeamishness about the frontiers of science is not one of them. A clear and present danger to society should be the measure. Where has anyone demonstrated that? Not here, certainly. 638. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 4:21:26 PM Ronski, 639. Shannon - 4/16/2001 4:24:06 PM So should all fertility treatments be illegal, then? They're no different from cloning in that regard. 640. Ronski - 4/16/2001 4:31:49 PM Ms. No, 641. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 4:48:17 PM Shannon, 642. vw - 4/16/2001 4:54:56 PM I think one point that is being missed in the conversation is that there is a difference between cloning body parts and cloning a body for parts. 643. vw - 4/16/2001 4:55:02 PM 644. CalGal - 4/16/2001 5:14:22 PM Now see, that I would have no trouble with. I assumed we were talking about cloning people. Body parts is perfectly fine, even if it's expensive. 645. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 5:15:31 PM Ronski, 646. Ms. No - 4/16/2001 5:18:31 PM VW & CG, 647. dusty - 4/16/2001 6:47:26 PM Ms. No 648. dusty - 4/16/2001 6:54:08 PM CalGal 649. dusty - 4/16/2001 6:57:12 PM Ms. No 650. dusty - 4/16/2001 6:59:25 PM vw 651. dusty - 4/16/2001 7:05:48 PM CalGal Message # 631 652. dusty - 4/16/2001 7:10:22 PM Although, interestingly: 653. CalGal - 4/16/2001 7:21:36 PM Let's not confuse analogical hyperbole committed in the name of marketing with actual assertions, please. 654. joezan - 4/16/2001 7:34:04 PM The ear on the rat thing is a far cry from cloning, although, who knows what it could lead to? 655. jexster - 4/16/2001 8:13:14 PM Dunno whether this belongs in Religion or here or both but as I tend to see Fundies less in religious terms than in social ones.... 656. dusty - 4/16/2001 8:32:43 PM CalGal 657. CalGal - 4/16/2001 8:42:42 PM Why on earth would you say "No offense" when clearly you mean to give it? Really, Dusty, you should pay more attention to what you say. 658. Cellar Door - 4/16/2001 8:47:04 PM April 16, 2001, Monday 5:22 PM Eastern Time 659. dusty - 4/16/2001 9:14:54 PM CalGal 661. CalGal - 4/16/2001 9:32:07 PM Oh, don't be an ass. Calling someone annoying is, by definition, offensive. Unless, of course, you suspect me of trying to annoy you and wish to generously compliment me on how well I have achieved that goal. There's not even that out for "who the fuck cares what you think" which is completely offensive. If you didn't mean to give offense, then I suggest you read up on playing nice with others. 662. dusty - 4/16/2001 9:38:16 PM 663. CalGal - 4/16/2001 9:39:29 PM That will be limited to people who agree with you. I didn't realize that you were so limited in your capacity for discussion. I suppose I should be surprised. 665. vw - 4/17/2001 8:58:23 AM Posts 660 and 664 removed. 668. vw - 4/17/2001 9:19:48 AM I'm not buying your barrier to entry. 669. vw - 4/17/2001 9:25:13 AM Some more articles of note from New Scientist. 670. Dusty - 4/17/2001 10:00:31 AM vw 671. bubbaette - 4/17/2001 10:07:43 AM It seems to me that cloning oneself is the height of vanity. 672. Indiana Jones - 4/17/2001 10:16:11 AM It seems to me that cloning oneself is the height of vanity. 673. JudithAtHome - 4/17/2001 10:17:55 AM The height of Ick... 674. PsychProf - 4/17/2001 10:22:51 AM Cloning your child to protect against an established probability of genetic dysfunction? 675. rubberducky - 4/17/2001 10:28:04 AM i guess if twins are clones or whatever then i'd like to see clones developed with no head or something so that there would be no problem with organ harvesting. 676. JudithAtHome - 4/17/2001 10:30:08 AM But what about just growing the organs? No problems with rights and ethics there... 677. bubbaette - 4/17/2001 10:34:55 AM Cloning your child to protect against an established probability of genetic dysfunction? 678. PsychProf - 4/17/2001 10:38:12 AM Bubba...as in spare parts to replace defective ones. The identical immunolgical and genetic match is desirable. 679. JudithAtHome - 4/17/2001 10:38:20 AM I agree, bubbaette...but then, I think there should be more adoptions and less fertility clinics. 680. JudithAtHome - 4/17/2001 10:41:57 AM Okay, maybe I have the wrong concept here...PP, are you talking about cloning a child, as in creating another human being? Not just the parts? 681. bubbaette - 4/17/2001 10:43:10 AM PP 682. Cellar Door - 4/17/2001 10:44:07 AM Twins are definitely worth studying as a pehnomenon re. cloning. The twins I've known have either been in complete, matter-of-fact harmony or at loggerheads. In the latter category one twin is doing eveything in his power to disassociate himself from the other. Yet the only way to do so is constant comparasion and contrast -- thus bringing the hated other back into his life. 683. PsychProf - 4/17/2001 10:46:13 AM I was refering to harvesting, but the concept of a separate individual is an interactive problem here. I don't know what I think...the issues overwhelm me, to tell it straight. 684. Dusty - 4/17/2001 11:44:03 AM 685. PsychProf - 4/17/2001 11:49:15 AM Dusty...it is not an area I am professionally trained and/or expert in. 686. Dusty - 4/17/2001 11:54:50 AM rubberducky 687. Dusty - 4/17/2001 12:00:17 PM PP 688. thoughtful - 4/17/2001 12:03:50 PM My cousin can vouch for the secret language thing as she witnessed it in her own twins. 689. Dusty - 4/17/2001 12:20:20 PM Cellar Door 690. bubbaette - 4/17/2001 12:22:26 PM My nephews are identical twins. My sister never dressed them alike, had them get different haircuts, and was careful to be sure that families and teachers understand them and treat them as two separate individuals. So far as I know, they don't have a secret language and they have distinctly different personalities. Still, their poor aunt really has to pay attention not to confuse one for the other. 691. bubbaette - 4/17/2001 12:23:34 PM BTW 692. Cellar Door - 4/17/2001 12:26:50 PM I have no idea, Dusty. I've also known twins where both were gay and got along real well (to put it mildly.) And I've known straight twins too. 693. Dusty - 4/17/2001 12:36:10 PM bubbaette 694. thoughtful - 4/17/2001 1:18:02 PM I can't remember the number, but someone told me that identical twins have something like twice the likelihood of one being gay as non-twins....or something like that. 695. thoughtful - 4/17/2001 1:19:44 PM and I do know of identical twins (female) where one is gay and one is not. 696. Ronski - 4/17/2001 1:33:50 PM Dusty, 697. LimeGirl - 4/17/2001 1:39:26 PM I can't even imagine naming two of your children with names that start with the same letter. I wouldn't have enough brainpower to remember their names at all, if that was the case. I have a bad enough time keeping their names straight as it is. 698. thoughtful - 4/17/2001 1:45:29 PM I'm always surprised, ronski, when people say that they've felt gay for as long as they can remember...I've felt hetero for as long as I can remember, and I don't ever remember making a conscious decision that guys were for me and not gals. It was just always how it was. That's why it surprises me that heteros often feel a need to ask gays that question and why they've never asked the question of themselves. 699. PsychProf - 4/17/2001 1:45:46 PM 700. bubbaette - 4/17/2001 1:47:52 PM One of my co-workers has triplets (21 months). I can't imagine dealing with that. 701. Dusty - 4/18/2001 7:59:13 AM PsychProf 702. rubberducky - 4/18/2001 9:07:28 AM Porn company sues to Webcast execution 703. Erin R. - 4/18/2001 9:58:52 AM I don't think there should be executions, period. 704. thoughtful - 4/18/2001 2:46:22 PM Interesting connection with porn and killing...aren't snuff films illegal? 705. vw - 4/20/2001 9:41:15 AM aren't snuff films illegal 706. rubberducky - 4/20/2001 9:46:30 AM well, the judge said no anyway - as if that is a huge surprise. 707. vw - 4/20/2001 11:12:13 AM Yup, no surprise there. I think they sealed their fate by making a pay per view event. 708. rubberducky - 4/20/2001 11:16:44 AM i agree in a general sense, vw, but what if that $$ went to eh families of the victims of some sort on non-profit? 709. rubberducky - 4/20/2001 11:18:49 AM the = eh in my 708 710. ranheim - 4/20/2001 9:10:53 PM I was talking with a Professor of Medicine one day last week. His comment on cloning "We are so far away from cloning a human that there is no one on earth today who will ever see it happen. IF IT HAPPENS BEFORE THAT, God help us all!" 711. jexster - 4/21/2001 1:30:43 PM Roper Center Social Capital Benchmark Survey 712. Cellar Door - 4/21/2001 2:59:52 PM There has already been enormous profit from McVeigh. He's half of cable "news" programming. And don't think it's going to stop after his death. MSNBC has a whole block of "re life" horror stories that they show over and over and over. Jeffrey Dahmer is a particular favorite with them. 713. Cellar Door - 4/21/2001 3:01:55 PM Meanwhile elsewhere in the news, "Fallout." 714. PelleNilsson - 4/21/2001 4:34:47 PM The McWeigh thing strengthens Europeans' prejudices about the US. 715. Cellar Door - 4/21/2001 4:35:47 PM Really? I wouldn't be all that pleased about Bosnia. 716. PelleNilsson - 4/21/2001 4:39:11 PM But Bosnia isn't the issue is it? Don't be a simpleton Cellar. 717. labwabbit - 4/21/2001 4:39:46 PM The McWeigh thing strengthens Europeans' prejudices about the US. 718. labwabbit - 4/21/2001 4:41:26 PM ...just pulling your short hairs there Pelle. 719. PelleNilsson - 4/21/2001 4:47:58 PM I know. What I'm specifically referring to is of course the televising of his execution. It gives me and many others (source: news articles) the creeps. I wonder if the audience behaviour will be recorded? If so will we see scenes of joy as a human is killed? Is this medieval or not? 720. Cellar Door - 4/21/2001 4:53:15 PM "LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!" 721. joezan - 4/21/2001 4:54:01 PM I don't know about you, Pelle. But if it were my family member killed in that incident, I'd cheer. And I am not pro DP. 722. labwabbit - 4/21/2001 5:08:56 PM It gives me and many others (source: news articles) the creeps. 723. jexster - 4/21/2001 9:37:26 PM Anyone see the History Channel piece on the history of the guillotine from the FR to its demise...the first Executioner of France (France decided to have one executioner) went mad and killed himself. 724. vw - 4/21/2001 10:23:03 PM but what if that $$ went to eh families of the victims of some sort on non-profit? 725. CalGal - 4/21/2001 10:51:24 PM Am I the only person squicked out by the continual emphasis on the importance of "closure"? 726. Cellar Door - 4/21/2001 11:08:59 PM For once we agree! 727. joezan - 4/21/2001 11:20:17 PM Eh. 728. CalGal - 4/21/2001 11:21:23 PM But if you were anyone who'd lost a loved one by murder you'd pay to see him die. 729. joezan - 4/21/2001 11:25:04 PM ¿¿¿que??? 730. CalGal - 4/21/2001 11:26:10 PM Are you saying that you're anti dp but that only if your loved one had been blown up in a building by McVeigh that you'd want to see him die? 731. joezan - 4/21/2001 11:28:24 PM Yeah. 732. mgleason - 4/21/2001 11:28:26 PM The only closure comes with your own death and oblivion. 733. joezan - 4/21/2001 11:30:07 PM ...my point being, I don't see any sense in executions unless: 734. arkymalarky - 4/21/2001 11:30:56 PM The thing is (and I feel the same as Joe) that people want to candy-coat their desire for revenge with the euphemism "closure," which is acceptable, while revenge, though most of us want it deep down, is not. I have no problem with the concept of revenge, myself. 735. arkymalarky - 4/21/2001 11:31:54 PM Um, not as Joe in 733. 736. CalGal - 4/21/2001 11:34:47 PM Joe, 737. Autodaffy - 4/21/2001 11:36:48 PM No, closure comes with the end of the evening news where they talk about closure so much. Closure follows the newscaster's incessant asking of victims and bystanders how they "feel about" the disaster that has befallen someone. Closure can also be achieved by a public rite, where everyone cries ostentatiously for the cameras. The attendance of a politician who feels the pain of the victims' relatives can also lead to closure. Beyond that, or lacking that, closure can be achieved by a qualified psychological counselor who is adequately paid for his services. 738. CalGal - 4/21/2001 11:42:30 PM Auto, 739. joezan - 4/21/2001 11:48:08 PM It's more than that, arky. 740. arkymalarky - 4/22/2001 12:55:51 AM To use my favorite DanDillon quote: 741. PelleNilsson - 4/22/2001 3:47:11 AM Amazing primitivism in Message # 739. I didn't think such existed among people who can demonstrably read and write. 742. joezan - 4/22/2001 7:23:00 AM I realize that, Pelle. But I think that in many respects we have become a much too civilized society. 743. Cellar Door - 4/22/2001 9:36:02 AM 744. CalGal - 4/22/2001 4:33:54 PM Sex Selected Abortions 745. PelleNilsson - 4/22/2001 4:39:33 PM The problem in India is that of dowry. Daughters are expensive. 746. CalGal - 4/22/2001 4:52:04 PM I know. But as the guy points out at the end of the article, that will change quickly. 747. PelleNilsson - 4/22/2001 4:55:45 PM Right. 748. jonesatlaw - 4/23/2001 3:23:02 AM I have advocated public executions in the past. I think that people of quality would be agahst at how the process dehumanizes and degrades the people involved. My major concern is not for the condemned, although they are worthy of consideration, for no matter how evil they are or their deeds are, they are people still. I am concerned about how feeding the primitive need for revenge corrodes the morality of the general populace and damages the legal system. It is as if we don't kill someone for every murder committed that the victim is somehow worth less, or the loss of their family and community is disrespected. 749. ScottLoar - 4/23/2001 3:39:30 AM Sadly, the biggest problem I see, is that most people would no recoil in horror at the carnage, and would be oblivious to the dehumanization. It would merely return us to the Colliseum. Allow it on TV, and they would eventually bring back the lions to tear the condemned apart, or perhaps gladiators. 750. jonesatlaw - 4/23/2001 7:41:57 AM Bread and circuses seems to be as popular a prescription as ever. 751. labwabbit - 4/23/2001 12:10:26 PM I am concerned about how feeding the primitive need for revenge corrodes the morality of the general populace and damages the legal system. It is as if we don't kill someone for every murder committed that the victim is somehow worth less, or the loss of their family and community is disrespected. 752. jexster - 4/23/2001 12:31:30 PM Am I the only person squicked out by the continual emphasis on the importance of "closure"? 753. christipeters - 4/23/2001 12:39:53 PM I am tired of all the "anniversaries". Why can't we let the tragedies of the past stay in the past. Is the news media really all that lazy? I realize it is cheaper to pull out old video of past stories and rehash old scripts than to go out and find out what is happening today, but really.... 754. jexster - 4/25/2001 3:11:33 PM Signs of the Ethnic Times... 755. jexster - 4/27/2001 11:02:03 AM An aide abruptly appeared with papers he held out to then-Governor Dubya. "It's the death warrants to sign, Governor. There are two executions scheduled for tonight." 756. vw - 4/28/2001 4:50:58 PM In Rural Counties, the Squeeze of Poverty Can Be Stronger 757. sakonige - 4/28/2001 5:07:40 PM 758. sakonige - 4/28/2001 5:10:30 PM 759. jexster - 4/28/2001 10:45:10 PM 760. jexster - 4/29/2001 2:59:10 PM Preachers, priests and politicians often talk about "traditional family values" as though they were handed down by George Washington and God himself. 761. jexster - 4/29/2001 3:08:40 PM 762. Cellar Door - 4/29/2001 9:22:53 PM 763. CalGal - 4/29/2001 9:27:07 PM vw, 764. CalGal - 4/29/2001 9:27:55 PM . Again, I wonder why we aren't doing more to discourage women from having children. 765. vw - 4/30/2001 7:45:57 AM If there isn't enough community to support her where she lives, the woman portrayed in the NYT article should move to a region where she can either support herself or find adequate community services to support her 766. Shannon - 4/30/2001 8:19:51 AM I didn't know that about the residency periods. I knew states often had such requirements, which I can see more reason for. It seems to me that it's better in the long run to assist with relocation rather than discourage it. 767. bubbaette - 4/30/2001 8:45:35 AM Some areas of Virginia (the coalfields, specifically) have unemployment rates near 20% while the rest of the state is at 3% or lower. Jobs are drying up in these areas and the poor transportation, education system and other infrastructure makes it difficult to lure new industry. I've often felt that it makes sense to pay the money to train and relocate these people to one of the more prosperous areas of the state where the job market is tight. 768. CalGal - 4/30/2001 11:51:33 AM That assumes they'll be able to use the handup, which is by no means a given. The ones that are employable have left already. 769. bubbaette - 4/30/2001 1:30:04 PM That assumes they'll be able to use the handup, which is by no means a given. The ones that are employable have left already. 770. Fielding - 4/30/2001 1:30:28 PM Cal: 771. CalGal - 4/30/2001 1:38:34 PM Fielding, 772. Fielding - 4/30/2001 1:47:10 PM Cal: 773. Cellar Door - 4/30/2001 1:48:29 PM 774. Fielding - 4/30/2001 1:49:15 PM Cellar: 775. Cellar Door - 4/30/2001 1:50:46 PM True, it's like saying that the sun will rise tomorrow. But she's got a radio show. 776. CalGal - 4/30/2001 1:59:48 PM When I meet someone from Marin on the East Coast, the invariably start out by saying that they are from San Francisco, only mentioning "Marin" after further questioning. 777. Fielding - 4/30/2001 3:07:55 PM Cal: 778. CalGal - 4/30/2001 3:46:08 PM Fielding, 779. sakonige - 4/30/2001 11:44:16 PM 780. CalGal - 4/30/2001 11:47:14 PM That's probably true. I believe the reason that waiting periods began is because states with generous welfare programs discovered that recipients were moving to their state to take advantage of them. 781. sakonige - 4/30/2001 11:57:17 PM 782. HollyW - 5/1/2001 12:29:51 AM 783. HollyW - 5/1/2001 12:31:00 AM Whoops, my link didn't show up. Damn. 784. HollyW - 5/1/2001 12:33:16 AM One more try. 785. HollyW - 5/1/2001 12:33:42 AM I give up. 786. CalGal - 5/1/2001 12:40:49 AM Holly, 787. HollyW - 5/1/2001 1:00:05 AM Thanks, CG. For now, though, I'll be going to bed. 788. joezan - 5/1/2001 8:41:27 PM 789. HollyW - 5/1/2001 11:49:30 PM I don't understand the need for this. Is it that arranging to have a child adopted is too fraught with pitfalls? Is there a problem that mothers who don't want their children are being forced to keep them anyway? That is a scary thought. 790. joezan - 5/1/2001 11:54:58 PM Holly: 791. CalGal - 5/2/2001 12:04:42 AM What amuses me (in a sour way) is that the mother dumped her kid, but one of the arguments that "tests" the law is that she wasn't notified that she could change her mind about dumping her kid and wasn't given a pamphlet. 792. HollyW - 5/2/2001 12:10:54 AM Yes, it's like we have to say to her, "You sure, now? Are you absolutely sure? Positive sure, no doubt in your mind? Look, why don't you just think it over a bit more..." 793. joezan - 5/2/2001 12:14:32 AM Yeah - that's what I meant by an idea whose time has not come. 794. vw - 5/2/2001 10:24:13 AM A pamphlet? Good lord. Do we then also have to ascertain whether or not she read it? And comprehended? 795. CalGal - 5/2/2001 10:51:54 AM Because it must move forward. Otherwise, how could we have a complete mess two years from now when the birth father learns of the child and demands custody? 796. vw - 5/2/2001 11:49:14 AM (snerk) 797. CalGal - 5/2/2001 12:10:25 PM Precisely. An investment in the media infrastructure masquerading as social policy. 798. vw - 5/2/2001 4:53:50 PM Speaking of media .... did anyone else see Frontline last night? I only saw half of The Merchants of Cool. 799. jexster - 5/6/2001 10:01:02 PM My research into Asian Voting Behavior has unearthed a pearl, actually a "Yellow Pearl" the title of a column William Wong that until recently appeared regularly in Asian Week. 800. vw - 5/7/2001 8:24:48 PM A recent study by researchers at Oregon State University has found a new link in the dynamic to Child Abuse. They suggest that the way parents view their children is a critical factor in the potential risk of child abuse, and could even be more important than whether the parents are abusive to each other. 801. CalGal - 5/7/2001 9:19:17 PM The researchers discovered that parents who felt their child was difficult or deserved punishment were more likely to abuse their children. Other negative views of the child included unrealistic expectations by parents, and a perceived lack of bonding between parent and child. 802. vw - 5/7/2001 9:39:20 PM Lack of bonding would account for negative views and a higher likelihood to abuse. 803. CalGal - 5/7/2001 9:42:34 PM I do have a hard time envisioning a lot of $75,000 and above income folks spilling their guts about smacking their kids to a college grad student doing research. 804. vw - 5/7/2001 9:46:35 PM Yeah, that's what I thought they meant... that one source of negative thinking could start from a belief that bonding did not occur or did not occur effectively which given enough reinforcement through repetitious thought patterns could develop into a kind of ‘I can’t really love, mother or nurture this child because we didn’t bond” loop. 805. CalGal - 5/7/2001 9:57:30 PM That whole report smelled very much like wishful thinking, with a hefty dose of condescension. "These people just need to be taught not to hit their kids!" 806. vw - 5/7/2001 10:00:41 PM Oh Cal, BTW, I wanted to point you at this article. It resurrects the ghost of the old TT “Effects of Divorce on Children” debate. 807. vw - 5/7/2001 10:02:37 PM "These people just need to be taught not to hit their kids!" 808. CalGal - 5/7/2001 10:16:18 PM No, I believe in cognitive therapy. I'm just not completely convinced that they don't have a political opinion overlaying their answers. 809. ElliottRW - 5/7/2001 10:23:05 PM vw -- Thanks for the link. While I appreciate CalGal's healthy skepticism, the story was an eye-opener for me. 810. CalGal - 5/7/2001 10:53:37 PM Elliot, 811. vw - 5/9/2001 1:52:27 PM Oh my, John “I’m Gay. No I’m Not. Yes I Am” Paulk is at it again. And he’s got a Columbia University psychiatry professor with him this time. 812. CalGal - 5/9/2001 1:55:21 PM I meant to link that in and forgot. This was one of the guys who originally fought to get homosexuality taken off the list of disorders, right? And it was a weak study, from what I gather? 813. Ronski - 5/9/2001 1:57:38 PM 814. CalGal - 5/9/2001 2:06:48 PM He conducted 45-minute telephone interviews with 200 people, 143 of them men, who claimed they had changed their orientation from gay to heterosexual. The average age of those interviewed was 43. 815. vw - 5/9/2001 2:07:47 PM Yeah Spitzer is a real gem. And yeah the study is seriously flawed. Most of his sample were names provided by organizations like Focus on the Family. And then there’s this 816. vw - 5/9/2001 2:09:34 PM I like this one too! A study that doesn't result in results! 817. vw - 5/9/2001 2:09:49 PM oops 818. CalGal - 5/9/2001 2:10:05 PM 819. vw - 5/9/2001 2:10:28 PM One more toy 820. Ronski - 5/9/2001 2:10:43 PM The fact remains that in all the medical literature on the subject, there is no peer-reviewed (analyzed by other established researchers), longitudinal (studied over a sufficient length of time) paper in a respected medical journal showing that a clear homosexual orientation has been changed to a heterosexual orientation, only reports of people abstaining or changing behavior. And in the latter cases, those behavioral changes seem not to last for most people. When asked if they can prove that their changes are permament, the usual response from the religious groups who claim "cures" is that they have far more important things to do than to keep track of their study subjects lives several years into the future. I think human sexuality is sufficiently complex that there may indeed be some people who have lived lives as homosexuals and then functioned for the rest of their lives as heterosexuals, but not many. The traffic is overwhelmingly in the other direction. 821. vw - 5/9/2001 2:14:01 PM Spitzer has always been personally anti-gay that I know of. He’s publicly spoken against Gay marriage, gay adoption and gays in the military in the last couple of years. I’m pretty sure I saw him floating around this year in DC during the big Anti-Abortion Klan rally in front of the reflecting pool 822. CalGal - 5/9/2001 2:24:56 PM VW, 823. vw - 5/9/2001 2:34:02 PM Yes, but remember they pulled up short of calling homosexuality "normal" and they inserted a new psychiatric disorder called "sexual orientation disturbance" that refers to homosexuals who want need to adjust or change their orientation. (what ever that means?) 824. vw - 5/9/2001 2:41:12 PM Okay, I am confused now. Look at this guy's bio. Why the hell is he putting his name on something as shoddy as this recent study seems to be? 825. CalGal - 5/9/2001 3:34:18 PM Well, that's what I meant earlier. He is well-regarded, but the study seems very shabby. 826. Ronski - 5/9/2001 3:40:13 PM It seems hardly a study at all. He didn't study his subjects, just interviewed them. It resembles a tract full of religious testifyin'. He takes whatever they say on face value. Its kind of like a doctor reporting that apricot pits cure cancer after interviewing people who claimed they were cured using apricot pits and who were referred to the doctor by groups supporting the use of apricot pits as a treatment for malignancies. Not exactly a rigorous application of the scientific method. 827. CalGal - 5/9/2001 3:41:16 PM Exactly. That's what confuses me, given the guy's reputation. Why would he sign on for such a conclusion? 828. Ronski - 5/9/2001 3:56:25 PM Do you know any psychiatrists? The more of them you know, the easier it is to answer questions like that. 829. JJBiener - 5/9/2001 5:53:17 PM I have trouble with anyone claiming they have been "cured" of homosexuality. I could never be cured of heterosexuality, so I don't see how it could work. 830. msgreer - 5/10/2001 9:23:38 AM I have trouble listening to Jerry Fawell stating all the homosexuals he has "cured" did so through the Bible. He states he has groups down in Lynchburg, Va. full of gay men wanting, yearning for the heterosexual life. He offers no studies, just sites the Bible. And I agree with Ronski, re psychiatrists. It is an inexact science. And it's hit and miss. No well respected psychiatrist will tell you they have cured anyone. When it comes to psychiatric issues the client is the only one that can "cure" or help themselves. Having said that many benefit from medication combined with talk therapy. Today's psychiatrists dish out medication. That's about it. There is no more 5 day a week/50 minute sessions with psychiatrists.My sister is a psychiatrist and all she does all day is try to find the right medication for her clients. I would like to add I also agree with Ronski when she said SSRI are not for bi-polar disease. Ronski What do you hear about Remeron? I was involved in a study of bi-polar disease. One woman, a true bi-polar, has gotten relief with Remeron, Trazodone, meditation and yoga. 831. CalGal - 5/10/2001 10:00:59 AM That can go to health policies, surely? And Ronski is a he. 832. JJBiener - 5/10/2001 10:44:24 AM CalGal - Don't be such a bitch. 833. Cellar Door - 5/10/2001 11:10:08 AM I have trouble with anyone claiming they have been "cured" of homosexuality. I could never be cured of heterosexuality, so I don't see how it could work. 834. Cellar Door - 5/10/2001 11:20:11 AM About two years ago Gilbert Adair, the film critic and novelist (Love and Death on Long Island, which was made into a highly successful film) announced that he had become heterosexual. Very grandly. Big trumpet flourish. And much pooh-poohing of all his -- now former -- gay friends (myself included bien sur as he expected we were poised to launch the first pooh-pooh. 835. RosettaStone - 5/10/2001 11:20:24 AM I love the line of being, or not being, "highly motivated" to be cured of your homosexuality 836. Ronski - 5/10/2001 11:36:44 AM A note on bisexuality. There does not appear to be recorded cases of someone being equally attracted to both men and women. The continuum of sexuality seems to go like this: exclusively homosexual, predominantly homosexual, predominantly heterosexual, exclusively heterosexual. Absolute bisexuality seems to get skipped. What we're talking about here, it should also be noted, is orientation, not behavior. Orientation involves such things as sexual fantasies, ideation, etc. Behavior per se does not necessarily conform with orientation, epsecially not in the short run. Another interesting factor to be considered is the strength of one's sex drive. Gay people who don't much like sex in the first place (I hear there are such people) might more easily exist in a heterosexual arrangement than a gay person with a normal amount of lustiness. 837. Cellar Door - 5/10/2001 11:46:54 AM My TT pal Joe Beason just wrote -- 838. glendajean - 5/10/2001 11:54:09 AM Cellar -- ha, ha. 839. CalGal - 5/10/2001 12:00:57 PM Cellar, 840. Cellar Door - 5/10/2001 12:03:50 PM Actually I've known several truly bisexual men. But they have nothing to do with the semi-closeted gays who claim "but I'm really bisexual." 841. ScottLoar - 5/10/2001 12:03:58 PM Message # 836 conforms to experience and common sense. 842. Cellar Door - 5/10/2001 12:05:19 PM Ah but who funded that department CG? 843. ScottLoar - 5/10/2001 12:06:28 PM Message # 840 conforms to the definition of libertine which is a state of activity falling in and out of favour with the times. 844. Cellar Door - 5/10/2001 12:09:51 PM You mean the times made them do it, Scott? 845. CalGal - 5/10/2001 12:10:04 PM It was Columbia University, Cellar. I don't see it being funded by Jerry or Ralph. But I can't find where I read the part about funding, so maybe I missed it. 846. Ronski - 5/10/2001 12:12:52 PM glenda, Cellar, 847. Cellar Door - 5/10/2001 12:15:43 PM From what I understand there are ways that groups can funnel funding. But you're right that the main point about Spitzer's "study" is that its methods are completely unacceptable and unscientific. 848. janjon - 5/10/2001 12:30:59 PM One of the most appalling things about that so-called study is the tremendous (and, of course, highly superficial) press it received. Which, of course, further cements the certainty of being correct in those who want to believe that homosexuality is mostly if not solely a matter of choice. 849. Ronski - 5/10/2001 12:34:35 PM A caller to Joan Rivers last night said, if I heard him right, that Spitzer was on radio earlier in the day acknowledging that he had become a Born Again Christian and that he said "homosexuals have low morals." Can anyone corroborate this about the guy? 850. Cellar Door - 5/10/2001 12:34:45 PM But the press always goes apeshit over some "new study" or other -- whatever the subject. 851. Ronski - 5/10/2001 12:36:51 PM janjon, 852. janjon - 5/10/2001 12:43:23 PM Yes, the press I've read did do a nice job of debunking. But, I happened for other reasons to be watching a lot of the nightly local "news" programs on tv at the time, and there was precious little perspective, let along debunking, going on. Just the "facts", ma'am. 853. CalGal - 5/10/2001 5:43:33 PM A review of Ehrenreich's book "Nickels and Dimes" in Salon and an NPR survey on America's attitudes towards poverty. 854. CalGal - 5/10/2001 5:45:33 PM The survey is extremely interesting, particularly in terms of what it reveals about the poor. It seems that politics and race are far better predictors than income when it comes to attitudes towards the poor. 855. JudithAtHome - 5/10/2001 6:02:43 PM This was excerpted last year in Harpers and looked really good... 857. vw - 5/11/2001 12:36:15 PM Re: Spitzer 858. Ronski - 5/11/2001 4:00:23 PM Update from UC's Greg Herek on attempts to change orientation, including Spitzer 859. vw - 5/12/2001 10:03:42 AM In Honor of Mother's Day: Does it ‘Pay’ to be a Full-Time Mom? AK Supreme Court rules fetus a 'person' 860. CalGal - 5/12/2001 10:18:18 AM Ha! The poll in the ABC News story is How Much Should Moms Be Paid? 861. jonesatlaw - 5/13/2001 12:57:30 AM And of course, notice that the only "mothers" are those who don't work. At no point do they mention this, though. 862. CalGal - 5/13/2001 3:32:35 AM Jones, 863. msgreer - 5/13/2001 5:09:33 AM jones Nice to see you. I can not begin to answer CG reaction to what you said. I know of no mother who stays at home taking care of her child that is not a working mother. To think otherwise, well, jones, it shows how some mothers view raising their child. Although being able to stay home with my daughter was a luxury for me, it was very clear to my daughter's father before I got pregnant I had every intention of raising my child at home. Anyone who does not understand it is work, well, jones, they must not understand the importance of one of the child's caregivers being there throughout their childs most important developmental years. I once told a friend if I die tomorrow and there is a funeral, don't talk about what I did as a nurse advocate, tell people I was the best mother that ever lived. I know my mother raised five girls and she was there for all of us. There is nothing more important a parent can do in my opinion. Nothing in the world. So Happy Mother's Day fellow Motie mothers. I know in todays world day care is required when both parents have to work and I understand that. I am so tired right now I can hardly keep my eyes open..but I am with my daughter now and she needs me. And the special bond we have together has gotten her through many And jones, I hope all is well with you. 864. msgreer - 5/13/2001 5:17:23 AM jones I know many will disagree with my point of view and I did not post my feelings to argue. I just wrote my own feelings about raising a child. 865. JudithAtHome - 5/13/2001 11:05:53 AM Most women staying at home with their kids are neglecting their responsibilities and putting their kids' financial security at risk. 866. CalGal - 5/13/2001 11:28:48 AM just what "responsibilities" are they neglecting by staying at home? 867. LadyChaos - 5/13/2001 11:42:38 AM 868. Slackjaw - 5/13/2001 5:30:03 PM Of course he recognizes the implications for private provision, those being rather obvious. Why would you be so presumptuous as to say he probably doesn't? 869. Slackjaw - 5/13/2001 5:32:32 PM In fact if I remember right it's formally the same argument he used against a breakup of microsoft. 870. christipeters - 5/14/2001 10:38:39 AM "So it's not really sahm vs. working mom, but whether or not the mother can provide financially for her child, no matter what happens." 871. CalGal - 5/14/2001 10:58:36 AM Actually it is possible (for a bare minority) to provide financially for your children, no matter what happens, and still be a SAH parent. 872. ElliottRW - 5/14/2001 11:11:24 AM Two things I heard on the radio have me thinking: Since I live in Alabama, I thought, "here's something I can directly observe myself." But I don't have time for that sort of shit. I'm just curious: the apparent source of our burgeoning prison population is drug-related offenses. My guess is that Alambama leads in prison population in part because it has a lot of poor people, and poor people are more likely to use crack, and crack has the stiffest penalties. I suppose that this is a symptom of some deeper Social Issue: people do drugs despite negative consequences. But why? It seems to me that the current strategy for dealing with this problem--throw young men in jail--is a kind of eugenics program. (i.e.: throw young men who commit crimes in jail, they have fewer children, down the road there is less crime.) The tacit assumption of this approach being that drug-related crime has a strong genetic component or possibly a non-genetic compenent (e.g. attitudes and beliefs) that is passed from parent to child. Is this correct? Will the current strategy of throwing people in jail simply for possessing drugs work in the long run? Even if it does work, is it a bad strategy for some other reason? vw -- If this has already been discussed, please direct me to the conversation. 873. Dusty - 5/14/2001 11:11:29 AM LadyChaos 874. Dusty - 5/14/2001 11:15:57 AM Slackjaw 875. Dusty - 5/14/2001 11:19:08 AM 876. ElliottRW - 5/14/2001 11:23:05 AM Thanks Dusty. What, in your opinion, is the (most) faulty premise behind the lock-'em-up approach? 877. Dusty - 5/14/2001 11:26:13 AM Supreme Court Rules Against Medical Marijuana 878. Dusty - 5/14/2001 11:29:38 AM ElliottRW 879. Ronski - 5/14/2001 11:37:55 AM Actually, Lady K. posted a Krugman column, and I, in Politics, an op-ed by Cornell's Robert Frank (plus a response from the Mises Institute). 880. Ronski - 5/14/2001 11:45:52 AM I came across an interesting statistic recently. In the Netherlands, where marijuana is legal, fewer teenagers have tried it than in the U.S., where it is not. 881. ElliottRW - 5/14/2001 12:02:14 PM ...out of proportion to the crime. So you are suggesting that non-jail punishments would provide equal or greater deterence? Can I assume that you give no credence to the idea that long jail sentences are not intended to simply to deter use, but also to remove drug users from society? I agree with you, by the way, that it is generally wrong (or at least unwise) for society to prohibit people from making bad decisions that really only affect the person making the decision. 882. CalGal - 5/14/2001 9:40:04 PM If we wanted to reduce the birth count of future drug users, it would be far better to lock up the women. For that reason, I disagree that there is any intent behind the drug imprisonment laws. 883. Slackjaw - 5/14/2001 11:14:15 PM Dusty Message # 874 884. LadyChaos - 5/15/2001 10:53:36 PM ElliotRW, 885. LadyChaos - 5/15/2001 10:54:08 PM cont'd 886. LadyChaos - 5/15/2001 10:59:17 PM Cont'd 887. LadyChaos - 5/15/2001 11:02:57 PM Dusty, 888. Dusty - 5/16/2001 10:29:57 AM Slackjaw 889. Dusty - 5/16/2001 10:34:07 AM LadyChaos 890. Dusty - 5/16/2001 10:39:39 AM ElliottRW 891. LadyChaos - 5/16/2001 3:26:15 PM Dusty, 892. wonkers2 - 5/16/2001 7:43:41 PM Well, we've gotta keep them "for profit prisons" full. And Pinkerton's was a big Bush contributor. 893. vw - 5/22/2001 11:57:39 AM Marriage incentives for poor considered 894. Dusty - 5/22/2001 12:33:52 PM LadyChaos 895. ChristiPeters - 5/22/2001 1:10:34 PM "....I believe the State should be showing less interests in marriage and more interest in regulating legally-binding contractual agreements between people (whoever they are) who are raising children. Leave that whole marriage thing to religions and keep my government out of it." 896. vw - 5/22/2001 2:42:04 PM Well, despite political hand wringing it looks like US kids are doing better then they were a decade ago. 897. CalGal - 5/22/2001 3:11:32 PM vw, 898. ElliottRW - 5/22/2001 4:26:17 PM Why would we want to put drug users in jail, where they are a cost to society, rather than a productive contributor to society? It is a myth that all drug users spend their waking hours committing crimes. Even heroin addicts can hold down productive jobs. This is correct unless you consider drug use in and of itself to be a problem, irrespective of the productivity of the user. The reasoning behind incarcerating drug users rests also upon the notion that drug use is communicable--a problem that is spread from one drug user to another. Obviously, there is no heroin virus, but jail inmates don't invite their pals to raves, either. So we can suppose that incarcerated drug users are less likely to spread their problem to other members of society--except, of course, other jail inmates. But that's just an explanation; I don't see it that way myself. I was just curious to see if anyone here bought into that kind of reasoning. To me it seems that such a strategy could only work if drug use is strictly genetic and jail significantly reduces the birth rates of users. If that's not the case then the strategy truly is hopeless. Unlike, say, Ebola victims, drug users are not incarcerated for the duration of their "illness." Moreover, only a tiny fraction of drug users are incarcerated at any one time. Not an effective quarantine. My best guess is that laws that throw drug users in jail are primarily designed to make life easy on cops. Such laws make it so that cops don't have to do the hard work of proving intent to distribute, they just have to show possession. 899. amax - 5/22/2001 8:22:57 PM I'm not saying I think drugs shouldn't be legal--I think it is irrelevant to addressing addiction, so I don't much care one way or another. But the real issue behind so many young (and quite often black) men being locked up has more to due with the fact that we have nothing else to do with a large number of very poorly raised, often abused, and usually illiterate group. 900. vw - 5/22/2001 9:32:54 PM My best guess is that laws that throw drug users in jail are primarily designed to make life easy on cops. 901. wonkers2 - 5/22/2001 10:26:24 PM Any thoughts on the Massachusetts woman governor, whose name escapes me, who just had twins and continues to serve while on family leave, if I understand correctly? She was in the hospital for a couple of weeks before delivering and conducted meetings by teleconferences. There have been some objections although she is apparently covered by parental leave laws. Her situation is becoming a cause celebre for women's groups. I believe she and her husband already have one child and he stays home and cares for the children. I heard snippets about the situation on a talk show today. 902. alistairconnor - 5/23/2001 3:01:27 AM Well, I can't frankly see what the problem is, Wonk. There was a French minister who had a baby a year or two ago, and nobody batted an eyelid. I have a friend in New Zealand who was in a similar situation a few years ago. Any remaining prejudice can only be a hangover from bygone days when childbirth was considered to be a serious illness requiring quarantine. 903. stostosto - 5/23/2001 8:10:50 AM alistair, wonk 904. stostosto - 5/23/2001 8:12:33 AM Perhaps if it had been the PM, it would have been another matter? I don't know. 905. alistairconnor - 5/23/2001 8:30:51 AM I know it's awful, Sto, but I find that howlingly funny. So very Scandinavian. 906. Shannon - 5/23/2001 8:31:52 AM We discussed this briefly in Parenting last week. 907. christipeters - 5/23/2001 9:33:41 AM In spite of education campaigns to the contrary, many people I know still look on depression as a character weakness or permanent mental defect that means the person is forever "unfit". 908. ElliottRW - 5/23/2001 11:08:38 AM vw: Most cops I know would love to see the War on Drugs end. Sure. I don't disagree with that. Let me clarify my comment: IMO, laws that create stiff sentences for drug users are attempts to make it easier for cops to put drug dealers in jail. The fact that such laws wind up putting a lot of simple addicts in jail is an unfortunate (and, in my mind damning) side effect. But my point was narrow, made in the context of an assumed "war on drugs." 909. iiibbb - 5/23/2001 2:18:07 PM Forget the war on drugs... start a war on violent crime. 910. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 2:20:59 PM alistaire, et al, I see no problem either. She's setting a great example by asserting her rights. 911. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 2:24:57 PM The land of "family values" is way behind the rest of the world. We have minimal parental leave (with no pay), dose the kiddies with violent TV and video games, provide them with handguns and assault weapons and then try and sentence them as adults when they go astray. The Columbines should be no mystery to anyone. 912. CalGal - 5/23/2001 2:32:03 PM Gosh. It's that simple, huh? 913. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 2:34:09 PM Yeah. 914. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 2:35:23 PM Prayer in schools just doesn't get the job done. 915. CalGal - 5/23/2001 2:37:40 PM Neither does parental leave of four weeks--or even a year--for infants, dufus. 916. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 2:39:24 PM Tch! So quick to resort to name calling. In Germany women get 3 years, not 4 weeks, WITH PAY and longer with reduced pay. And their jobs are saved until they are ready to return to work. 917. CalGal - 5/23/2001 2:40:28 PM And look at all the Nazis those chicks gave birth to. 918. JudithAtHome - 5/23/2001 2:44:34 PM THESE chicks weren't even born when Nazis were in fashion. 919. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 2:49:57 PM Right, but I'm pretty sure parental leave came after the Nazis. 920. CalGal - 5/23/2001 2:50:37 PM Judith, 921. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 2:52:45 PM There you go again. Why don't you make your argument and skip the name calling, you dumnb bitch? 922. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 2:53:14 PM Er, I meant smelly cunt. 923. JudithAtHome - 5/23/2001 2:55:47 PM Having lived over there and known many German parents, I think I can say they do as good a job as any other industrialized nation in regard to parenting. 924. CalGal - 5/23/2001 2:59:33 PM Why is it that so many people feel the need to up the ante on insults? 925. CalGal - 5/23/2001 3:00:13 PM And there are extreme political views in this country, Cal...that's hardly a factor. 926. Dusty - 5/23/2001 3:01:09 PM wonkers2 927. ElliottRW - 5/23/2001 3:02:13 PM The larger point is that Wonker is a moron, of course. Now this is an abuse of terms. Wonker is certainly not a moron. No one on The Mote is a moron (though a "wiegel" poster in the "Sex" thread came close). That said, I think that the relationship between Germany's leave laws and school violence is at best a coincidence. Germany is desparate for more young people. The parental leave laws in Germany are clearly a bribe to get people to have kids, not a rational violence prevention measure. 928. CalGal - 5/23/2001 3:04:19 PM Elliot, 929. CalGal - 5/23/2001 3:06:31 PM In my last post, I imply a causal relationship between the fact that European countries need people and that all their best and brightest leave town. 930. JudithAtHome - 5/23/2001 3:08:24 PM Germans usually have very small families...it's rare to see more than 2 kids to a family. 931. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 3:10:39 PM Cal, I didn'say anything of the kind. I merely pointed out that the U.S. is way behind the rest of the civilized world in terms of parental leave. Elliot, Germany isn't the only country with generous parental leave provisions. Scandinavia may be even more liberal. The point is that the "family values" tend to be the same people who are opposed to most programs which would benefit children. They want school prayer and vouchers for religious schools but no sex education in public schools, no pre-natal care, etc, etc. Just kick the mothers off welfare and make them go to work. 932. CalGal - 5/23/2001 3:13:23 PM ...it's rare to see more than 2 kids to a family. 933. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 3:16:03 PM Cal, what's your solution? Give them access to guns, make their mothers go back to work immediately with no help on child care, let them watch lots of violent TV shows, provide no wholesome recreation or job opportunities, when they screw up throw them into prisons without rehabilitation or education, and when they really screw up try and sentence them as adults. Those are American family values. Just what are you in favor of doing? 934. JudithAtHome - 5/23/2001 3:16:51 PM Cal: 935. CalGal - 5/23/2001 3:20:09 PM Wonkers, 936. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 3:20:51 PM Cal, I did not say lack of parental leave caused Columbine. I listed several factors in addition to Columbine. But if you want to be picky, I was simply using Columbine as an example of a symptom of teen problems today. Actually Columbine type events, fortunately, are rare and are not the most pervasive or serious problems about which we are doing relatively nothing while the top 1% gets even more obscenely richer. 937. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 3:21:29 PM With the help of Bush and his band of compassionate conservatives. 938. ElliottRW - 5/23/2001 3:23:07 PM Wonkers, I see your point. There is apparent hypocrisy. But "family values" is a nebulous term, which means different things to different people. Some people, for example, see family values as keeping government away from children. Which, taken to an extreme, implies no government controlled daycare, education, healthcare, etc. The same people (for the most part) are perfectly willing to accept a handout (say, a voucher) as long as they control how it is spent. So I don't see this phenomenon as hypocrisy; it's just as run-of-the-mill me-and-mine-first politics. 939. CalGal - 5/23/2001 3:24:19 PM Judith, 940. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 3:25:44 PM Finally, you are the one who is into insults, not me. I try to give reasons for my positions, not insults. 941. JudithAtHome - 5/23/2001 3:27:21 PM Yes, Cal...probably it would have been simple. 942. JudithAtHome - 5/23/2001 3:32:52 PM But I don't know anything about German womens fertility rates being low so I stumbled around in my own way saying what I did. 943. wonkers2 - 5/23/2001 3:35:13 PM Elliott, the family values people I'm referring to are the Pat Robertsons, the Falwells, the Ashcrofts and other religious wackos that elected Bush. The religious right are not in the forefront of social programs other than, perhaps, TV censorship, school prayer and vouchers. 944. JudithAtHome - 5/23/2001 3:36:52 PM And boycotting Disneyland. 945. CalGal - 5/23/2001 3:42:55 PM Any "social program" that interferes with employment can hardly be called a "family" program. 946. ElliottRW - 5/23/2001 3:46:49 PM Wonk: those guys are all politicians. They might indeed be hypocrits. I assumed you were referring to their constituents who, by and large, are not hypocritical. They genuinely believe that their politics are for "family values" in precisely the don't-tell-me-how-to-raise-my-kids kind of way that I described in Message # 938. To these people "family values" means the idea that "the family" should make decisions about its own welfare, not government. 947. Dusty - 5/23/2001 3:46:50 PM JudithAtHome 948. iiibbb - 5/23/2001 4:02:50 PM If columbine type events are rare and not pervasive, why use them as an example? In Message # 933 you use extremes validate your earlier statements which is hardly fair. Who is arguing give the kids guns and ignore mother's needs? By rejecting you claim that we need to offer 3 yrs off to mothers is hardly an endoursement of the opposite extreme. 949. iiibbb - 5/23/2001 4:08:38 PM Message # 936 951. wonkers2 - 5/24/2001 8:36:03 AM Cal, You are one of the most dishonest and nasty participants in this forum. First, you completely mischaractized what I said and added an insult. When I didn't respond with an insult, you called me a moron. When I responded in kind you expressed surprise at MY "ante up on insults" when you were the one who anted up before I descended into your mud pile. What incredible chutzpah! Teen problems are complex--I mentioned parental leaves, access to guns, violence on television, etc. I never said, nor do I believe that parental leave or any other simplistic solution would solve Columbine or other teen problems. The problems are many and so will be the solutions. My problem is with people like you who don't appear to be interested in looking for solutions. 953. vw - 5/24/2001 9:20:06 AM The land of "family values" is way behind the rest of the world. We have minimal parental leave (with no pay), dose the kiddies with violent TV and video games, provide them with handguns and assault weapons and then try and sentence them as adults when they go astray. The Columbines should be no mystery to anyone. 954. JudithAtHome - 5/24/2001 9:22:27 AM The only similarities between the shooters in these cases is that they have all been male and they were all depressed to the point of considering suicide. 955. iiibbb - 5/24/2001 9:22:47 AM Sorry wonk.. your arguments go something like this 956. vw - 5/24/2001 9:23:47 AM Posts 950 and 952 moved to The Inferno. Posts that are only insults and do not contain any 957. Adrianne - 5/24/2001 9:37:04 AM 958. Adrianne - 5/24/2001 9:39:11 AM 959. christipeters - 5/24/2001 9:48:28 AM I have two entirely separate comments: 960. ElliottRW - 5/24/2001 10:34:37 AM I am inclined to agree with vw on this point. Psychologists are intensely studying these cases and they really don't (as yet) have a solid theory that explains them. They really don't know why these things happen. They have identified some coexisting factors (e.g. depression) but causes at this point are either speculation, or isolated to a small subset of cases. For example, the guy who climbed the Texas tower had a brain tumor that was squeezing his amygdala, a brain structure linked to aggression. 961. christipeters - 5/24/2001 10:38:01 AM (well, in case it wasn't obvious from my post - I agree, too) 962. Adrianne - 5/24/2001 10:39:55 AM 963. vw - 5/24/2001 11:28:04 AM The reports of "normalcy" are largely self-reported 964. vw - 5/24/2001 12:35:25 PM I really like this article. It speaks in part to my point up above. 965. CalGal - 5/24/2001 12:44:26 PM It's very frustrating every time one of these events happen to see the agenda whores come out in full cry, pushing their particular pussy for sale. 966. vw - 5/24/2001 12:56:42 PM Hey Cal, there you are! 967. PsychProf - 5/24/2001 1:01:10 PM 968. CalGal - 5/25/2001 2:49:01 PM Oh, I wasn't really talking about anyone here as an agenda whore--just the process that occurs after one of these incidents. 969. vw - 5/25/2001 3:04:36 PM I can't quote anything measurable ... it's just my own observations (faulty as they maybe). Which is what makes it excellent “agenda whore” fodder! (I knew you didn’t mean anyone specific, I just like it as a phrase) 970. JJBiener - 5/25/2001 3:08:47 PM vw - Do you remember what would have happened to us if we had called a 7th grade teacher a mother fucker? 971. CalGal - 5/25/2001 3:17:12 PM vw, 972. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 3:22:35 PM Parents in Dallas protested when the school kicked their kids out for drinking at a school function; the parents even brought a lawsuit against the school board. What does this tell a kid who just broke school rules? That they will not have to pay the consequences of their actions. 973. PsychProf - 5/25/2001 3:29:51 PM Judith...many parents buy the booze for HShoolers. Teen Drinking is considered a "right" by many adults, and is endemic in our high schools. I see the results of this daily as a college prof. 974. CalGal - 5/25/2001 3:34:29 PM PP, you miss the point. 975. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 3:44:47 PM Like what? Lining them up against the wall and shooting them? Hell, if they get sued for expelling the little shits, what do you think would happen if they "put teeth" in the punishment? 976. PsychProf - 5/25/2001 3:46:26 PM Haha...I see you have not missed my point Judith. 977. CalGal - 5/25/2001 3:55:21 PM Hell, if they get sued for expelling the little shits, what do you think would happen if they "put teeth" in the punishment? 978. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 3:57:16 PM And Cal, you say that kicking kids out of school doesn't accomplish anything but then you say what purpose is served in ruining their chances at getting into college? Don't you think if more were done to impress on kids minds that their actions may impact their chances, they might wise up? 979. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 4:00:06 PM Well, strangely enough, another Dallas school banned a group of cheerleaders from participating in school activities after they were caught smoking on school grounds and the same thing happened...teachers showed up and raised hell. 980. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 4:00:31 PM Not teachers...PARENTS showed up. 981. CalGal - 5/25/2001 4:01:13 PM Don't you think if more were done to impress on kids minds that their actions may impact their chances, they might wise up? 982. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 4:07:04 PM I agree that kids have slim abilities for grasping the outcome of their actions but whay is that? Because they are coddled into believing everything they do is precious and special...when should one start to teach them this? I say you don't wait til they are in junior high to say to them, "Oh by the way...real life is hard and what you do will come back to you." 983. CalGal - 5/25/2001 4:20:35 PM whay is that? Because they are coddled into believing everything they do is precious and special...when should one start to teach them this? 984. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 4:27:27 PM Well, kids in high school are different from five year olds. One would imagine their brains would be more developed than a kid in kindergarten. 985. PsychProf - 5/25/2001 4:41:50 PM Judith...it is interesting and indeed exciting that some brain development(see here ) continues into adolescence...it increases our "theorectical" chance for repair of damage. Equally depressing is the fact that early damage to the brain(eg CP) is for all practical purposes impervious to any known treatment. 986. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 4:45:52 PM PP: 987. CalGal - 5/25/2001 4:49:21 PM One would imagine their brains would be more developed than a kid in kindergarten. 988. PsychProf - 5/25/2001 4:54:00 PM Judith...I have spent most of my professional life researching this very topic. The ability to repair damaged neurons in adults, i.e. "plasticity of neurosynaptogenesis", would alleviate much human suffering. 989. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 4:56:14 PM Of course they do...I used to be one and can still remember. 990. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 4:56:51 PM And yes, I know you were using that only as an example. 991. CalGal - 5/25/2001 4:59:15 PM But the point is, Judith, that the punishment was immediate. 992. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 5:01:39 PM PP: 993. Fielding - 5/25/2001 5:05:43 PM This thread was created March 28th, 2001. 994. Fielding - 5/25/2001 5:06:07 PM vw has done an excellant job hosting. 995. Fielding - 5/25/2001 5:06:21 PM And now ... 996. Fielding - 5/25/2001 5:06:40 PM Almost two months later . . . 997. Fielding - 5/25/2001 5:06:51 PM It is time . . . 998. Fielding - 5/25/2001 5:07:05 PM For the first . . . 999. Fielding - 5/25/2001 5:07:19 PM Millenniel! 1000. Fielding - 5/25/2001 5:07:29 PM Now! 1001. Fielding - 5/25/2001 5:07:49 PM Nice job hosting, by the way. 1002. JudithAtHome - 5/25/2001 5:09:47 PM Jeez, see what I mean? I completely zoned on that millennial. 1003. vw - 5/25/2001 5:25:55 PM Make them suffer now, and in ways that won't hurt their future--only their present. 1004. arkymalarky - 5/25/2001 6:29:10 PM Actually, that type of school is back in AR, and "In School Suspension" is a fairly new and good alternative to out-of-school suspensions, where the kids have all day to get in trouble with no adult supervision. In the cases of drinking at school I've been familiar with, though, the kids were suspended, not expelled. 1005. vw - 6/2/2001 8:46:50 AM Has anyone had any expereince with Charter schools in there area? 1006. CalGal - 6/2/2001 12:02:29 PM What is the difference between Charter schools and magnet schools? Or a charter school and a private school? 1007. JudithAtHome - 6/2/2001 12:05:05 PM Several Charter schools have closed due to mismanagement and cooking the numbers here in Texas. 1008. CalGal - 6/2/2001 1:10:18 PM There was an article in Time on a bunch of disasters in Arizona, just recently. I'll see if I can dig it up. 1009. Jenerator - 6/2/2001 1:20:21 PM vw, 1010. vw - 6/2/2001 7:16:39 PM Well, that's the deal with charter schools ... if they don't fulfill the charter they are dissolved. 1011. Jenerator - 6/2/2001 8:56:24 PM vw, 1012. Jenerator - 6/2/2001 8:56:38 PM attitude. 1013. arkymalarky - 6/2/2001 10:44:21 PM That's probably more your particular school or the environment they come from than anything, and that's a fairly timeless situation. Remember Blackboard Jungle? Administration and the teachers also have a lot of impact on how respectful students are in a given school. If the environment in the school permits that sort of thing there's not a lot an individual teacher can do in one semester without a lot of determination and hard work. The good part is if you stay, in just about any system you will eventually develop a reputation as not putting up with that kind of thing, even in a large school. You'll still have the occasional problem, but it won't be a constant battle. 1014. arkymalarky - 6/2/2001 10:45:04 PM BTW, getting them to learn or want to learn is a different matter. I've had a lot of success with quite a few, and none at all with more than I care to admit. 1015. arkymalarky - 6/2/2001 10:55:41 PM PS--the first year I taught I was in a rural, south AR school, and actually a pretty nice little town, but I thought the kids there must be the most evil on the planet, and that that generation in general would go to hell in a handbasket. Those kids were horrible--rude little mouthy cretins who tried daily to make my life miserable, and pretty well succeeded. I've always heard that teachers shouldn't quit after their first year, and it was true for me. Part of it was a spineless principal who later got out of the field, but considering the teacher shortage principals are going to have to work more to make new teachers happy and comfortable or they won't wait around for another year counting on that saying to be true. It isn't worth it. 1016. joezan - 6/2/2001 11:12:38 PM I don't know about other states, but in MI kids who've been diagnosed with any of about 150 "disorders" du jour cannot be kicked out of school. I understand this is a pretty universal law though. 1017. arkymalarky - 6/2/2001 11:22:51 PM Stories like that make me just so mad I can't see straight. They can do nothing with this kid? 1018. joezan - 6/2/2001 11:34:23 PM Well, he was on probation, so if he was actually caught doing something bad - usually smoking - he would spend a couple of days in juvy. He could care less, but I'm sure his teachers threw a party. 1019. arkymalarky - 6/2/2001 11:46:23 PM I had one student who is what I would consider a serious problem this year, and the first I've had in a long time, but when he got in trouble a few days before school was out he was sent home and told if he returned the police would be called. I regularly dealt firmly with him and didn't think anything about it. There were behavioral guidelines for him, but nothing restraining anyone from disciplining him. 1020. vw - 6/3/2001 9:30:32 AM what about the rights of the kids he shares the school with? 1021. Indiana Jones - 6/4/2001 11:01:32 AM This is inspired by a debate occurring in the Inferno: 1022. CalGal - 6/4/2001 1:09:56 PM Indy, 1023. JudithAtHome - 6/4/2001 1:19:24 PM I'm not going to say anything else about this because I don't seem to be able to communicate with you on any level. 1024. CalGal - 6/4/2001 3:24:09 PM Judith, 1025. CalGal - 6/4/2001 3:33:05 PM Indy, 1026. ChristiPeters - 6/4/2001 3:44:50 PM Jen - "a "the teacher better respect ME, if s/he wants me to respect him/her"." 1027. thoughtful - 6/4/2001 3:59:19 PM Different expectations for men and women is not a good thing, as a general rule. It is always discriminatory. 1028. CalGal - 6/4/2001 4:35:30 PM Are you trying to be stupid, or is that a weakass attempt at humor? 1029. arkymalarky - 6/4/2001 7:56:13 PM Actually, Christi, students must be expected to have a certain amount of respect, even for teachers they dislike, and even poor teachers. This has nothing to do with the teacher or his or her feelings, but with what students need to learn about being in a classroom and conducting themselves apart from how their adult supervisor is. It's really more about respecting themselves--not having tacked-on "esteem" bestowed on them by an outside source. I've seen very good students be ugly to a bad teacher, one who got fired he was so incompetent. Their hatefulness did nothing to affect the teacher since his fate was sealed, and didn't help them. They chose to act ugly apart from the teacher's incompetence. 1030. CalGal - 6/5/2001 9:00:41 AM Pogie made this post in the Inferno: 1031. vw - 6/5/2001 10:57:35 AM Do poor women really care at all about equal rights, or would they trade rights for a stable income and true safety 1032. CalGal - 6/5/2001 11:54:38 AM I agree wholeheartedly, but then that makes a bit of a mockery of all the world feminist organizations and their purpose. 1033. vw - 6/5/2001 12:10:27 PM (grin) Imagine that! 1034. Ms. No - 6/5/2001 12:24:59 PM I'm concerned by some of the connotations given to date rape in the last day. 1035. CalGal - 6/5/2001 12:53:41 PM vw, 1036. CalGal - 6/5/2001 12:59:42 PM but also say you don't want to have sex, be very clear about it and end up having his dick in you despite it all. 1037. Ms. No - 6/5/2001 2:08:42 PM CalGal, 1038. Ms. No - 6/5/2001 2:09:10 PM Or rather I should say don't actively at risk of life and limb try to stop them in the act. 1039. bubbaette - 6/5/2001 2:19:28 PM Victims of car jackers who don't throw themselves in front of the car have not suffered a crime. 1040. CalGal - 6/5/2001 2:32:21 PM MsNo: 1041. Shannon - 6/5/2001 2:33:47 PM At every place I've ever worked handling money, we were clearly instructed not to resist robbers in any way. I expect many banks issue similar guidelines to their tellers. 1042. JudithAtHome - 6/5/2001 2:33:57 PM Not even if the robber had a gun? 1043. msgreer - 6/5/2001 2:38:34 PM Ms.No I happen to agree with you about Date Rape. And let me add, the police are the first to tell you not to resist if you feel your life is being threaten..whether it is rape or car jacking. 1044. CalGal - 6/5/2001 2:41:12 PM Judith, 1045. JudithAtHome - 6/5/2001 2:44:18 PM Try and make your analogies a bit more accurate. If a guy came up to a cashier, said "Give me all your money" and the cashier did so without protest or resistance, the bank would not be blaming the "robber". 1046. CalGal - 6/5/2001 2:50:11 PM Judith, 1047. JudithAtHome - 6/5/2001 2:56:32 PM Never mind...I just picked up on the oddness of the bank blaming the cashier who cooperated with a "guy" who asked for the money. So I asked, what if he had a gun? Would they still?... 1048. CalGal - 6/5/2001 2:59:31 PM If he had a gun, they would consider it robbery. Likewise, if he had a gun, it would be considered rape. 1049. bubbaette - 6/5/2001 3:10:11 PM Try and make your analogies a bit more accurate. If a guy came up to a cashier, said "Give me all your money" and the cashier did so without protest or resistance, the bank would not be blaming the "robber". 1050. Ms. No - 6/5/2001 3:11:19 PM CalGal, 1051. Ms. No - 6/5/2001 3:22:17 PM CG, 1052. Indiana Jones - 6/5/2001 3:31:56 PM Legally, men and women are very nearly equal in the US. That has never been at issue, so I'm not sure why you brought it up. The issue is prejudice and discrimination, to use two loaded words. 1053. Indiana Jones - 6/5/2001 3:34:36 PM You may respond that we're not talking about physical aggression, but that's the point I originally made re online aggressiveness. Biologically those who were physically weak could ill afford to be physically aggressive throughout human development. That the situation has changed recently matters for individuals, but cannot have yet impacted the species as whole to any significant degree. 1054. Indiana Jones - 6/5/2001 3:39:39 PM To simplify, if a person was small but had a big mouth 5,000 years ago, that person probably didn't live to reproduce. 1055. CalGal - 6/5/2001 3:57:15 PM Christin, 1056. CalGal - 6/5/2001 4:22:48 PM Indy, 1057. CalGal - 6/5/2001 4:24:49 PM 5,000 years ago, no. But once civilization started, I doubt it. 1058. Shannon - 6/5/2001 4:34:11 PM Okay to that one, but I still am amazed that the cops go along with the notion that "Give me the money" with no hint of a threat or violence is a crime. 1059. Ms. No - 6/5/2001 4:48:23 PM CG, 1060. CalGal - 6/5/2001 5:09:00 PM Shannon, 1061. CalGal - 6/5/2001 5:12:30 PM Christin, 1062. Ms. No - 6/5/2001 5:30:19 PM CalGal, 1063. CalGal - 6/5/2001 5:44:15 PM MsNo, 1064. CalGal - 6/5/2001 5:45:20 PM Incidentally, if you get drunk, are you unable to give consent? According to many websites, it is rape. But then why isn't the woman charged with rape if she has sex with a drunken guy? 1065. Ms. No - 6/5/2001 7:09:31 PM What has a college organization got to do with how you or I are defining rape? It's not just college girls who get raped by men they know. 1066. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 11:15:35 AM We were speaking about Israel having a serious rape problem earlier. Well -it has some other problems too. 1067. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 11:16:38 AM Here is another (they are large but not very heavy, somehow!): 1068. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 11:18:36 AM (Yes, they do belong on this thread). 1069. Ms. No - 6/9/2001 11:56:09 AM Rustler, 1070. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 1:00:21 PM Ms. No: 1071. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 1:01:50 PM Sorry about the banners: for some reason I found them not offensive, but feel free to delete them. 1072. Jenerator - 6/9/2001 1:03:32 PM Rp, 1073. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 1:04:48 PM If you had posted pictures of yourself all beaten up and said it was somehow relevant to the thread, chris, you would have had everyone fawning over you in disgust and shock for about 300 posts, asking you who the bastard was who did this to you and how he should be castrated and torn limb from limb. 1074. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 1:08:44 PM Please don't tell me this was from shrapnel?? 1075. JudithAtHome - 6/9/2001 1:10:54 PM Well, here are two women asking what happened to you...do you want to tell us? It doesn't look too pleasant, no matter how you got to that point. 1076. CalGal - 6/9/2001 1:14:47 PM It's still not on topic. Go to social issues if you want to bitch about inconsistent standards between men and women. 1077. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 1:22:57 PM JAH: 1078. CalGal - 6/9/2001 1:24:47 PM Is this some sort of weird Jewish "your mama" rejoinder? 1079. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 1:31:37 PM Your mother's some kind of weird Jewish 'your mama' rejoinder. 1080. JudithAtHome - 6/9/2001 1:36:07 PM I assume you didn't see Message # 4164 when you posted Message # 4165. 1081. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 1:48:30 PM JAH: 1082. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 1:51:29 PM What is it about a bruised man that makes femmos jump and say: 'take it elsewhere', I wonder? Is there something about anything which portrays men as victims of women - yes, even physically - which threatens them? 1083. RustlerPike - 6/9/2001 1:54:46 PM I can just imagine Khaval posting pictures of her bruised self after being attacked by a man (she seems to be almost sorry she hasn't yet) and me and another male poster jumping her immediately and telling her it belonged on another thread. Man, we would be tarred, feathered, and sent viruses by e-mail. 1084. AytchMan - 6/9/2001 7:48:45 PM How things have changed. An observation: 1085. arkymalarky - 6/9/2001 8:21:47 PM RP, 1086. AytchMan - 6/9/2001 8:58:16 PM arky-- 1087. arkymalarky - 6/9/2001 9:12:15 PM "As for the integrity side, perhaps it's situation-dependent." 1088. AytchMan - 6/9/2001 9:26:23 PM Reminds me of my old neighborhood (although I suspect this is universal): 1089. arkymalarky - 6/9/2001 9:40:37 PM I've seen some really ugly ones over true stuff that everybody knew but no one ever mentioned, and then someone crosses that line and mentions it openly after getting mad and it's all over. 1090. AytchMan - 6/9/2001 9:57:19 PM Over the years, I've been groping toward the following theory: 1091. arkymalarky - 6/9/2001 10:31:40 PM Hmm. I hadn't thought about it like that. But I live in an environment that is much more stagnant/stable (depending on your pov). Integrity has always been important here, though, because reputation is easily lost and not easily regained since everyone knows families and their histories. "Last name's Smith, eh? Isn't your uncle the lawyer who got his license stripped for blahblahblah....?" 1092. HollyW - 6/10/2001 1:01:45 AM Referring to the conversation about rape, that I believe started over in the Inferno, right?... 1093. RustlerPike - 6/10/2001 1:09:56 AM Plus I live in New England, not the Middle East. 1094. RustlerPike - 6/10/2001 1:12:41 AM PS - all the above posts were booted over here by the Femmie crew at the Sex Thread because they contradict the party line (men victimize women, it's never the other way around). 1095. angel-five - 6/10/2001 1:13:50 AM (those are really fun to break up by the way--two six-foot-plus guys chest to chest), You know, I just don't know whether to say something really obvious here or not. 1096. RustlerPike - 6/10/2001 1:14:05 AM vw: 1097. angel-five - 6/10/2001 1:11:25 AM Ah. The missing posts before now, these were other posts of yours that were deleted? 1098. angel-five - 6/10/2001 1:17:42 AM Who, precisely, moved them? 1099. angel-five - 6/10/2001 1:22:13 AM I ask because I've never heard of Niner or Cllr moving posts before, I don't see them on now and it's their thread. I suppose it might have been a moderator but I understood that moderators were only supposed to fill in like this in an emergency, let alone posts that can reasonably be linked to topical discussions that have happened here. 1100. CalGal - 6/10/2001 1:43:03 AM Francis moves massive amounts of posts whenever he likes, without regard to consistency or anything else. (Given that you aren't around all the time, surely you should start wondering a bit more if things that you haven't heard of might not be rare at all?) 1101. angel-five - 6/10/2001 1:48:09 AM Oh, anyone can make the link. Even you probably could. We were talking about marriage and problems with it. True or False? Rustler has made claims that in Israel the female side is overly empowered WRT courts and marriage, true or false? Those posts remained, true or false? They were not cautioned, true or false? YES, that's right, all Ts, no Fs. 1102. angel-five - 6/10/2001 1:49:59 AM (Given that you aren't around all the time, surely you should start wondering a bit more if things that you haven't heard of might not be rare at all?) Not feeling terribly bright today, are you? I didn't say it didn't happen, or that it was rare, or not rare. I said I had never heard of it. And I asked, for clarification. With me so far? 1103. angel-five - 6/10/2001 1:53:09 AM Yet this is now fruitless. I've what I need to know. The fact that it was YOU who responded, defensively (imagine that), has of course already answered my question. 1104. RustlerPike - 6/10/2001 2:25:05 AM A5: 1105. Cellar Door - 6/10/2001 9:42:10 AM Well I sure as hell didn't move them. 1106. PsychProf - 6/10/2001 10:52:00 AM It seems to me that posts were far more interesting than any discussion of "on-topic". 1107. CalGal - 6/10/2001 10:52:27 AM Well, a few of these should be moved to the Inferno, anyway, including mine. But Francis, as I said, is indiscriminate. (g) 1108. vw - 6/10/2001 12:48:48 PM Gee ... I taken a break from painting my new house to find that someone's shoveled a snit into my thread. Let's see if we can get it on track so it resembles a Social Issues topic. 1109. vw - 6/10/2001 12:49:48 PM taken = take 1110. khaval alazman - 6/10/2001 12:54:52 PM VW, that was a seriously judicious post. Kudos! 1111. CalGal - 6/10/2001 12:55:05 PM I agree with all vw's points. I find it most irritating that NOW's feminist dogma is still accepted when it comes to explaining DV--yes, it must be the patriarchy. But as I said to Rustler earlier, it wasn't a woman who beat him up. It was a guy. It wasn't domestic abuse or battering per se, it was a fight. 1112. vw - 6/10/2001 1:16:55 PM So let me get the situation straight: 1113. vw - 6/10/2001 1:19:44 PM These were very personal posts on a very personal and painful subject. 1114. CalGal - 6/10/2001 1:31:27 PM Yes, Francis left those posts behind for some reason. 1115. CalGal - 6/10/2001 1:32:19 PM 1116. CalGal - 6/10/2001 1:36:51 PM His wife wasn't even in the house when it happened, from what I can see, despite Rustler's claims that she egged her son on in the particular incident. 1117. khaval alazman - 6/10/2001 1:54:20 PM Actually, I don't think we should be discussing this. This place is too public to talk so openly about something this private. Please leave it, people. I beg you. 1118. vw - 6/10/2001 1:56:21 PM Hmmm ... if it had been in the US the cops would have arrested both of them if there were signs of physical contact (bruises, cuts, etc.) on both of them. 1119. CalGal - 6/10/2001 1:58:31 PM Khaval, 1120. khaval alazman - 6/10/2001 2:28:46 PM Cal, I know hon. 1121. CalGal - 6/10/2001 2:44:47 PM Well, if someone chooses to post personal information here, it's at their own risk. But there really isn't that much difference between Pike posting on his problems and Jenerate posting about her husband's granny. You either talk about personal experiences or you don't. Once you've chosen to, you get what comes. 1122. khaval alazman - 6/10/2001 3:01:51 PM Cal, yeah, I guess I'm "from" TT (weird thought). 1123. PelleNilsson - 6/10/2001 4:38:18 PM I think we should note that according to Rustler it was not a question of "an adult beating up a kid" but the other way around. 1124. CalGal - 6/10/2001 5:26:20 PM Rustler can tell it any way he likes; I was referring to how it would most likely be perceived, first by his mother and then by the cops. 1125. CalGal - 6/10/2001 5:28:10 PM Khaval, 1126. PelleNilsson - 6/10/2001 5:40:57 PM Where does Rustler's mother come into this? 1127. CalGal - 6/10/2001 5:48:40 PM Ha. No, I mean the "kid's" mother (Rustler's wife). 1128. Uzmakk - 6/10/2001 6:00:27 PM Ah, yes. The She Bear Momma syndrome! 1129. CalGal - 6/10/2001 6:02:32 PM Not at all. I expect adults to act that way. 1130. Uzmakk - 6/10/2001 6:04:32 PM Fuck the alduts, 1134. vw - 6/10/2001 9:31:11 PM Post 1132 & 1133 moved to the Inferno. Please stay on topic. 1135. HollyW - 6/10/2001 9:34:13 PM Thank you, vw. 1136. vw - 6/10/2001 11:13:31 PM Some information on the prevalence of domestic violence by gender 1137. CalGal - 6/12/2001 1:53:48 AM How annoying. The Supreme Court decides that gender discrimination and parental stereotypes are just peachy. 1138. RustlerPike - 6/12/2001 5:37:30 AM You know - I've read a lot of gross stuff in The Mote over the years, but CG's (and, to a slightly lesser degree, khaval's and vw's) latest posts actually made me physically nauseous. 1139. RustlerPike - 6/12/2001 5:46:42 AM >>> 1140. bubbaette - 6/12/2001 7:28:43 AM I will leave The Mote and never, ever return. 1141. vw - 6/12/2001 8:38:45 AM Good Lord, I'm not even going to bother. 1142. bubbaette - 6/12/2001 8:45:05 AM Rustler Puke always makes me want to call my Congressman to voice opposition to foreign aid to Isreal. But I trust that he's not representative. 1143. vw - 6/12/2001 8:45:22 AM Re: SCOTUS decision 1144. CalGal - 6/12/2001 9:50:46 AM Rustler, 1145. Jenerator - 6/12/2001 10:13:38 AM I would think that it would be traumatic to see someone's dad being punched by the older brother. 1146. CalGal - 6/12/2001 10:25:08 AM No wonder that CalGal identifies with the kid. 1147. Jenerator - 6/12/2001 11:00:48 AM CalGal, 1148. CalGal - 6/12/2001 11:28:04 AM If a girl came swinging at me and beat me to a bloody pulp, whether or not I even got one punch in, I'd cal it a fist-fight. 1149. CalGal - 6/12/2001 11:30:32 AM In any event, my comments were made before I saw that all of Rustler's kids abuse their parents, so it is clearly some sort of family dysfunction that makes their whole situation much more understandable. 1150. Jenerator - 6/12/2001 11:41:21 AM Cal, 1151. Jenerator - 6/12/2001 11:47:56 AM Cal, 1152. PsychProf - 6/12/2001 11:51:04 AM RP...The root of the dysfunction is the problem and this must be confronted by all participants. Calling the police, and/or coming to The Mote so some posters can lay blame, w/o even having superficial dynamic understanding of your family, does not do this. Finally, if you are looking for empathy this does not seem to be the place. I wish you and all those with you peace and understanding. 1153. CalGal - 6/12/2001 11:51:09 AM Like it or not, men have a special place in the household. 1154. Jenerator - 6/12/2001 11:53:29 AM Cal, 1155. khaval alazman - 6/12/2001 11:53:56 AM Jenerator: #1151 1156. Jenerator - 6/12/2001 11:55:51 AM khaval, 1157. CalGal - 6/12/2001 12:04:10 PM Very vulgar CalGal. 1158. rubberducky - 6/12/2001 12:09:02 PM the only vulgar thing to me is a 'Christian' bitching about someone else who might 'preach' 1159. CalGal - 6/12/2001 12:09:49 PM I think what all of this conversation boils down to is that you don't like Rustler and so you refuse to empathize with his pov. 1160. vw - 6/12/2001 12:16:59 PM Oh for god’s sake, Cal did not “mentally or verbally abuse” that kid on TT. TT is an adult forum, she either plays with the big kids or she can go home. There is a big difference between a 13 year old getting sniped at online (which she can log off and walk away from anytime she feels she’s being “abused”) and a fistfight in the family home in front of small children. 1161. vw - 6/12/2001 12:26:24 PM Sorry, don't know what happened to that setence, it should read: 1162. JudithAtHome - 6/12/2001 12:54:09 PM Probably not a love or belief that is deserved, but that's another story. 1163. bubbaette - 6/12/2001 12:59:43 PM But we have heard all about her pussy. Perhaps the step son has heard plenty of that kind of stuff out of Rustler Punk as well, in which case it's a justifiable drubbing. 1164. rubberducky - 6/12/2001 1:27:44 PM damn you bubb! 1165. bubbaette - 6/12/2001 1:30:43 PM spit it out, RD. No point in subtlety when it comes to RP. 1166. PelleNilsson - 6/12/2001 1:35:08 PM I always feel sorry when lives are shattered. Many of you know that Rustler's wife is Kenyan. Israelis are not famous for racial tolerance. It cannot have been easy for them to decide to marry and take up residence in Israel. 1167. CalGal - 6/12/2001 1:37:59 PM We have no way of knowing whether the kids love for his mother is deserved or not since we've only heard from one side 1168. Dusty - 6/12/2001 1:50:28 PM vw 1169. CalGal - 6/12/2001 1:57:14 PM Well, I've been banned, but I would have sided with you. In fact, I would have been worse. 1170. Shannon - 6/12/2001 1:57:43 PM Well, I'd speak up, dusty. One of the violations that got CalGal booted from TT was a post to the 13 year old poster. I very much objected to the idea that violations would be more likely to be reported and/or punished based on the age of the person they were directed at. I know I said something about that on one of the Salon Central threads, possibly in the thread about it in MWT as well. 1171. vw - 6/12/2001 1:59:00 PM Yes. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that adults on an adult forum talking about adult topics need to "watch" how they post to avoid offending the delicate sensibilities of a precocious 13 year old who has no problem having all kinds of opinions (despite a lack of anything remotely resembling knowledge or experience) but has to have everything explained to her and can’t take the occasional body check from another poster. 1172. CalGal - 6/12/2001 1:59:41 PM I do think it's worth being nice to a kid if they are just popping on in search of one piece of information, or limiting themselves to one area because they are devout Hobbit fans, or something. 1173. mean marlene - 6/12/2001 2:07:48 PM Or if she wandered into the wrong thread in Private Life and asked her mother what a they meant by a post and her mother had a heart attack from the shock, they would have sued. 1174. CalGal - 6/12/2001 2:22:28 PM Or she becomes seduced by libertarianism, renounces her parents' chichi muesli munching vegetarian vogue, they throw her out of the house in outrage, she realizes that the only thing protecting gormless goofballs like her is income redistribution, becomes furious at having been led astray in an environment where she so desperately needed protection and she sues. 1175. iiibbb - 6/12/2001 2:27:04 PM 1176. milkmaid - 6/12/2001 3:16:44 PM Those pictures literally nauseated me. I was just minding my own business, lurking through the Rp "discussion", and innocently clicked on your link. Ugh. 1177. milkmaid - 6/12/2001 3:18:01 PM Mean Marlene, I believe LRS' mother knew exactly what her kid was doing. No post-shock heart attack risk there, but definitely a risk of being a piss-poor mother. 1178. RustlerPike - 6/12/2001 4:24:42 PM CalGal: 1180. CalGal - 6/12/2001 4:30:24 PM Sigh. No, I originally thought an apology was appropriate because kids find it extremely traumatic to see their siblings being hit. They also find it extremely traumatic to see their father being hit. 1181. iiibbb - 6/12/2001 5:05:32 PM Message # 1176 1182. milkmaid - 6/12/2001 5:06:39 PM I know, but I couldn't stop myself. The inevitable car-wreck comparison comes to mind. 1183. iiibbb - 6/12/2001 5:17:19 PM if it;s any consolation... I think it's icky too...and couldn't stop... 1184. vw - 6/12/2001 5:31:41 PM Post #1179 moved to the Inferno for off-topic content. Please remain on topic. 1185. PsychProf - 6/12/2001 5:36:43 PM Vw...for a NYState hick yer doing a fine job here...this thread has considered some interesting topics with varied positions presented. I like heat with light of wisdom, and this place has it. I am now listening to "Hey Good Lookin" by Hank Williams JR. Social that. 1186. JudithAtHome - 6/12/2001 6:37:06 PM PP: 1187. mean marlene - 6/12/2001 6:43:33 PM Milkmaid, I was thinking that since LRS was being home schooled, that her mother might be a little more conservative than your normal TTer and LRS was goofing around on the internet without her mother knowing what she was doing/going. But maybe I am reading my teenage tendancies into her actions. 1188. mean marlene - 6/12/2001 6:44:30 PM I'm thinking of showing that site to my teenage neice. They are most definately sobering. 1189. sakonige - 6/12/2001 7:17:16 PM 1190. sakonige - 6/12/2001 7:21:03 PM 1191. CalGal - 6/12/2001 10:23:29 PM Mean, 1192. Shannon - 6/12/2001 10:48:29 PM Cal, I had the same impression of her parents. 1193. CalGal - 6/12/2001 10:50:42 PM Of course, I'm technically a flaky yoyo parent. My kid goes to acupuncture, has a cellphone and a laptop, and attends a teeny tiny private school for iconoclastic bright kids. 1194. rubberducky - 6/13/2001 1:13:57 PM Judge says health plan must cover birth control 1195. Shannon - 6/13/2001 1:20:47 PM Some plans won't cover BC pills even if prescribed for other health reasons. My HMO does cover them, as well as diaphragms and other prescription birth control, and tubals/vasectomies. If condoms were prescription, I'm sure they'd be covered too. 1196. christipeters - 6/13/2001 1:21:43 PM Well, the same company covered Viagra. 1197. christipeters - 6/13/2001 1:22:37 PM (cross-posted with Shannon) 1198. PsychProf - 6/13/2001 1:31:15 PM 1199. Rama - 6/13/2001 1:32:33 PM Some plans won't cover BC pills even if prescribed for other health reasons. 1200. Shannon - 6/13/2001 1:33:25 PM CalGal, I'm sure I qualify as a flaky yoyo parent too. What with the weird food I feed them and all. My son refers to rice milk as "real" milk and thought the cow's milk I bought was weird and smelled funny. Poor warped child. 1201. CalGal - 6/13/2001 1:33:28 PM Viagra is a fix to a problem. I think birth control pills as contraceptives are elective, and I can't think of any other elective med that is covered? 1202. rubberducky - 6/13/2001 1:34:01 PM i don't know why they wouldn't either, but the point is i don't think a company should be forced into covering everything people can think of -like Viagra, condoms, dental dams, lube and BC. 1203. bubbaette - 6/13/2001 1:35:44 PM As I understand it, the court looked at birth control prescriptions as preventative and the policies covered other preventatives. 1204. Rama - 6/13/2001 1:59:51 PM Preventative of what? 1205. CalGal - 6/13/2001 2:04:10 PM What other male preventatives do they cover, bubba? If they cover vasectomies, do they cover tube tying? 1206. bubbaette - 6/13/2001 2:11:03 PM What I read in the paper was that the policy covered other preventative medicine -- my guess would be check-ups, mammographies, etc., but the article didn't say. 1207. Shannon - 6/13/2001 2:13:52 PM An email list I was on discussed this a while back. There were a few people who had policies that would cover tubals/vasectomies, but not prescription BC, which seems weird. Unless the prescription BC is used for a very long time, it's way cheaper. 1208. bubbaette - 6/13/2001 2:13:53 PM On the other hand, the preventative measures were intended to prevent illness. Not many people would consider pregnancy an illness -- along the lines of cancer or the flu. My policy covers B.C. pills -- by an act of the general assembly. The policy covered elective pregnancy termination through before it covered birth control. That strikes me as a bit odd. 1209. CalGal - 6/13/2001 2:21:44 PM I think pregnancy is elective, and really ought not to be covered. Unfortunately, it has years of history on its side. But if pregnancy is covered, abortion certainly should be, if we're going to be consistent. 1210. Shannon - 6/13/2001 2:27:43 PM Again, I think the issue with birth control is that it is the equivalent of condoms, which aren't covered 1211. CalGal - 6/13/2001 2:35:10 PM Any number of "equivalent" non-prescriptions aren't covered 1212. LimeGirl - 6/13/2001 2:42:33 PM My insurance plan will actually cover non-prescription drugs if the doctor prescribes them. 1213. Rama - 6/13/2001 2:42:46 PM Preventative of what? 1214. Rama - 6/13/2001 2:48:06 PM Medical care provided to pregnant women is not intended to cure pregnancy, it is intended to prevent illness and injury that may arise during and after pregnancy. 1215. CalGal - 6/13/2001 2:56:15 PM Oh, there's no way that pregnancy will ever be removed from coverage. Hell, we get disability for it, too. But it is optional. 1216. mean marlene - 6/13/2001 4:06:24 PM Cal: What about STDs ? They are also caused by unprotected/unprecautioned sex- should those not be covered by insurance? 1217. LimeGirl - 6/13/2001 4:12:16 PM When I first switched to my current insurance, they didn't cover any kind of BC, but now they do cover it. The cost is fairy comparable to pills, maybe a little less. 1218. Ms. No - 6/13/2001 4:18:19 PM BC that can only be obtained by a visit to the doctor: 1219. Ms. No - 6/13/2001 4:23:57 PM Ducky, 1220. CalGal - 6/13/2001 4:29:43 PM Mean, 1221. Rama - 6/13/2001 4:37:32 PM The same could be said about care provided after plastic surgery, though, couldn't it? 1222. RustlerPike - 6/13/2001 4:42:54 PM CalGal: 1223. CalGal - 6/13/2001 5:52:58 PM Rustler, 1224. CalGal - 6/13/2001 5:54:11 PM Rama, 1225. jexster - 6/16/2001 5:21:14 PM 1227. CalGal - 6/17/2001 11:24:58 AM Can Fatherhood Be Optional? 1229. PelleNilsson - 6/17/2001 11:50:39 AM Knock it off, Rustler. 1230. PsychProf - 6/17/2001 11:56:06 AM Rustler...any credibility you might want your posts to have has just about evaporated. Please consider the cease and desist mode. 1231. vw - 6/17/2001 10:13:11 PM Posts 1226 and 1228 have been deleted. Off-topic posts that consist only of personal attacks, name-calling or general agitating will not be tolerated in this topic. 1232. vw - 6/17/2001 10:22:20 PM I think SCOTUS was way off base with the Foreign Citizenship/Paternity ruling. Beyond the inherent stupidity concerning biological fact (a cheap DNA test ascertains fatherhood as surely as giving birth does for motherhood) it raises some interesting implications. Has a legally recognized parenthood caste system just been created based on awareness of the birth? What about mother who are not conscious, competent, or aware at birth … are they relegated to “fatherhood” status because they are “unsure” if the child is their own? 1233. CalGal - 6/17/2001 10:33:40 PM Yes, what if the mother is comatose, or has an IQ too low to be considered competent? 1238. vw - 6/18/2001 10:18:26 AM 1234-1237 moved to The Inferno 1239. jexster - 6/20/2001 10:01:18 PM Gays and lesbians in San Mateo County lead lives similar to their straight neighbors: Many have monogamous, long-term relationships in families with children. But that's where the similarities end, according to a recent survey of the county's gay and lesbian population. 1240. ranheim - 6/25/2001 8:03:34 AM Is there anyone here who is a scientist who ACTUALLY KNOWS something about "Global Warming"? Editorial by Thomas Sowell this morning in the Alexandria (LA) Daily Town Talk casts doubt, in my mind, about the truth of the recent report by the National Academy of Sciences. 1241. vw - 6/25/2001 8:59:54 AM Well Ran, I don't think the Pros know either. I was at a Science Fiction convention (one of the real ones where authors speak not TV characters - grin) where Benford, Sheffield and Bear (all of them real scientists with real degrees in hard science) among others discussed Global Warming. There was no consensus. Several felt that the changes in temp. were a natural cyclical event that MIGHT be slight intensified by human actions. Others felt we were going to hell in a fossil-fueled handbag. 1242. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 9:12:44 AM Ranheim : 1244. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 9:36:44 AM Well, VW, your anecdote is an accurate depiction of the lack of concensus among scientists (as opposed to science fiction writers with science degrees) three or four years ago. These days, it's pretty hard to find scientists, other than those with an ideological vested interest, willing to defend the position that we don't really know if there is global warming or not. 1245. vw - 6/25/2001 9:47:16 AM Alistair, I'm sorry. I don't know why I sniped at you. I have a big cranky stick up my butt. I have deleted post #1243 as being off topic and only containing content meant to snipe at another. 1246. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 9:47:32 AM But seriously, Ranheim, small town US newspapers have a long and illustrious history of conspiracy theories. It's hardly surprising, on the face of it, that a NAS report, insofar as it needs to be an "executive summary", rather than a cutting-edge survey of current research readable only by specialists, should be written by "non-scientists". That, in itself, tells us nothing about whether it is a fair summary of the scientific data it was based on. 1249. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 9:49:07 AM Oh OK, I accept your apology... 1250. JudithAtHome - 6/25/2001 9:54:54 AM Although this is a hot button issue,I think a little common sense could tell you the environment can't help but be changed by huge a population and its activity. I wish we could see film of Victorian England when it looked like night at high noon due to the smoke from newly born factories. This was like a microcosm of the earth today...pollution from human activity is real and it has to go somewhere... 1251. vw - 6/25/2001 9:58:01 AM Oh don’t think anyone argues that human activity doesn’t have some effect. What is in question is whether or not recent short-term changes in the temperature trends is evidence of our meddling or is it just normal variance in a system that is governed at least in part by chaos theory dynamics. 1252. JudithAtHome - 6/25/2001 10:09:45 AM I understand that but I've heard people swear that none of this has any bearing on global warming because "the earth always corrects itself". Since there has been no time in history when the earth held this many people, how can they be so sure of that fact? Like you say, stats don't go back far enough to know. 1253. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 10:25:40 AM I confess that like Judith I have an ideological disposition to believe that global warming is both possible and likely; that's probably why I was "convinced" quite a few years ago, in spite of the scant scientific evidence available at that time. Things have moved on since then, however, and the shoe is on the other foot : those who maintain that we don't know enough to decide yet, are in practice defending vested interests (the right to deplete and pollute). For the most part, they are doing it in good faith; though others are doing it cynically. Sure, we will never be able to say for sure that current weather changes and instability are due to human-induced activity; but their conservatism is based on an ideological opposition to regulation and interventionism. 1254. CalGal - 6/25/2001 1:43:00 PM A while back, some of us were discussing the outcome of the blatant preference for boys in places like India and China. 1255. christipeters - 6/25/2001 1:58:51 PM Thanks CalGal. 1256. ranheim - 6/25/2001 2:03:50 PM alistair 1257. PelleNilsson - 6/25/2001 2:11:17 PM What this shows, I think, is that draconian measures to decrease fertility will have effects that are unacceptable in the long term. There is a growing body of evidence that points to an inverse relationship between women's education (as measured by literacy rate) and fertility. Naturally, this effect rests on underlying changes in society and its view of women. 1258. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 3:48:29 PM "growing body of evidence"?? I know nothing in particular about demographics, but I thought this was a very basic, self-evident and uncontroversial correlation. 1259. PelleNilsson - 6/25/2001 4:23:21 PM a very basic, self-evident and uncontroversial correlation. 1260. PelleNilsson - 6/25/2001 4:23:48 PM literacy 1261. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 4:45:45 PM I thought that the North African figures, for example, correlated much better with female literacy than with GDP per capita (Algerian GDP has stagnated for a couple of decades, yet fecundity has declined below the replacement rate; Morocco, much poorer, will be over the "hump" within a few years) 1262. Slackjaw - 6/25/2001 5:25:57 PM There is a growing body of evidence that points to an inverse relationship between women's education (as measured by literacy rate) and fertility. Naturally, this effect rests on underlying changes in society and its view of women. 1263. Jamie R - 6/25/2001 5:50:27 PM those who maintain that we don't know enough to decide yet, are in practice defending vested interests (the right to deplete and pollute). 1264. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 5:59:01 PM Yeah Jamie, which is yet another reason why the US position on Kyoto was a crock of shit. The developing nations were left out of the Kyoto greenhouse gas reduction targets. The US maintained that this was terribly unfair, and it was the cornerstone argument for Bush's junking of the treaty. 1265. Jamie R - 6/25/2001 6:00:52 PM Just to be clear, I wasn't talking about Kyoto in particular. I'm not very knowledgable about its specifics. 1266. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 6:04:23 PM There is another point of view on this however : who is it that suffers from a degraded environment? Rich people in rich countries? (those who are the biggest depleters and polluters, per capita). No sir. Poor people in rich countries (who live in dirty, dangerous, polluted areas), and poor people in poor countries. 1267. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 6:11:56 PM And what about climatic change and disruption, resulting (or not) from global warming? Are the rich going to suffer? A house in Florida gets flooded by the sea : the owner has insurance. Not so the villager in Bangladesh. 1268. Jamie R - 6/25/2001 6:12:17 PM In most cases, improving the environment would impose costs on the rich, and benefit mainly the poor. 1269. Jamie R - 6/25/2001 6:14:20 PM "Immediate and real danger" = less food, less medicine, or a slower growth in the increased availability of food and medicine etc. Basically, anything requiring people to trade basic needs for cleaner air or reduced risk from environmental damage down the line is putting people at risk if those basic needs are already marginally met, or not met at all. 1270. Jamie R - 6/25/2001 6:15:52 PM And I'm afraid I have to go, so I'll catch any responses later tonight. 1271. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 6:38:25 PM I'm going to bed. But you haven't provided anything that looks the slightest bit like an example. 1272. stostosto - 6/25/2001 6:40:51 PM alistair 1273. ranheim - 6/25/2001 6:52:06 PM One of my sons is a Marine Biologist. I just talked to him. 1274. ranheim - 6/25/2001 6:56:00 PM As a resident in Manhattan, by 'real trucks' he means those with a commercial license (to include vans). 1275. alistairconnor - 6/25/2001 6:57:38 PM Sounds like a sensible fellow. In spite of his conservatism about the effects, he believes stuff needs to be done. A responsible attitude. 1276. PelleNilsson - 6/26/2001 5:29:04 AM What we know is (a) that CO2 is a greenhouse gas and (b) that the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere has been increasing since the start of the industrial revolution. What we strongly suspect is that the earth is warming up. 1277. alistairconnor - 6/26/2001 7:38:54 AM ... and the previous ice ages never occurred? Who are these nutcases? 1278. PelleNilsson - 6/26/2001 8:46:08 AM A brief guide to The Gaia Theory. There are lots and lots of other sites on the net. I'm sure there is an explanation for the ice ages somewhere out there. 1279. AceofSpades - 6/26/2001 8:57:13 AM 1280. AceofSpades - 6/26/2001 8:58:19 AM 1281. AceofSpades - 6/26/2001 9:19:43 AM 1282. AceofSpades - 6/26/2001 9:26:45 AM 1283. Ronski - 6/26/2001 10:04:59 AM Clouds, yes. And ocean currents around the present configuration of the continents. The latter factor probably being an important means by which we stay in the Ice Ages, albeit in an inter-glacial interlude of same. 1284. Jamie R - 6/26/2001 10:33:07 AM But you haven't provided anything that looks the slightest bit like an example. 1285. ranheim - 6/26/2001 2:32:55 PM I have just received a web site. James Glassman, I believe he is from the American Enterpise Institute and contributes to the International Herald Tribune, is going to try to discuss global warming and other scientific issues in a "more dispassionate way and look at the influence of politics on these issues". 1286. LimeGirl - 6/26/2001 7:54:00 PM Interesting article about the African-American reaction to the police reaction in black neighborhoods here. 1287. HollyW - 6/26/2001 10:57:00 PM I think pregnancy is elective, and really ought not to be covered. Unfortunately, it has years of history on its side. 1288. CalGal - 6/26/2001 11:01:23 PM Looked at that way, it would be ridiculous not to have pregnancy covered. 1289. CalGal - 6/26/2001 11:04:33 PM Lime, I can't tell if that link is down or if the Times server is down. I think the latter. 1290. HollyW - 6/26/2001 11:22:05 PM Looked at that way, abortion becomes murder quick as you blink. 1291. CalGal - 6/26/2001 11:27:12 PM A comfortable fiction that really ought to be smacked about more. 1292. Shannon - 6/26/2001 11:57:05 PM Of course, that means the doctors would be required to put the patient's best interest first, not the mother's. 1293. Shannon - 6/26/2001 11:57:37 PM "comlications" should be "complications" 1294. Åse - 6/27/2001 12:03:39 AM And miscarriages? Or would that just come under general health for the mother? 1295. CalGal - 6/27/2001 12:12:57 AM Miscarriages would be the patient died, wouldn't it? 1296. Åse - 6/27/2001 12:23:11 AM Well, yeah, but I would assume that if one buys insurance for the fetus at 8 or 12 weeks or so, one has decided to keep the little critter anyway. Of course, problems may rise when it comes to abortions due to chromosomal or developmental defects or danger to the mother. 1297. Shannon - 6/27/2001 12:24:47 AM Um, why would the insurance company care if she got an abortion? Saves them money. 1298. Åse - 6/27/2001 12:25:26 AM As for putting the fetus first--obviously, if the mother dies the fetus dies. 1299. CalGal - 6/27/2001 12:35:17 AM Um, why would the insurance company care if she got an abortion? 1300. CalGal - 6/27/2001 12:36:18 AM However, the cost of keeping her alive would be covered by the fetus' policy. 1301. Åse - 6/27/2001 12:39:23 AM Oh, I'm biased in that direction too. I almost told Ben when I was pregnant that if something happened he had to make sure everything was done so that the kid would survive. I'm sure he would. 1302. Åse - 6/27/2001 12:41:16 AM However, the cost of keeping her alive would be covered by the fetus' policy. 1303. CalGal - 6/27/2001 12:43:49 AM I did tell my then husband that if something happened to me, he was to keep my body alive if it gave Spawn a chance to, er, spawn. 1304. bubbaette - 6/27/2001 7:28:17 AM The problem with pregnancy insurance bought at 12 weeks is that there's little element of risks. Insurance is a gussied up form of gambling -- the insurer takes the risk that in the aggregate, premiums paid will exceed benefits used. In the case of pregnancy insurance purchased in the 8th or 12th week, the chance of the woman using the benefits (I'm assuming the cost of pre-natal care and delivery is what's covered) is close enough to 100% to require more of a "prepayment" plan than insurance as we typically think of it. 1305. Toenails - 6/27/2001 9:29:58 AM Well, everybody has his/her own take on it, but, to me, a grown-up, educated adult who has a going life, a husband, possibly other children to raise (or, at least, the potentiality for other children), and presumably parents of her own who care about her, friends, etc. etc. is demonstrably more valuable to society and to her immediate environs than is her fetus. 1306. vw - 6/27/2001 10:08:53 AM Birth Control Benefit Could Be a Bitter Pill For Employers 1307. LimeGirl - 6/27/2001 11:14:34 AM Okay, here is another try on the police story. 1308. LimeGirl - 6/27/2001 11:16:45 AM I think more employers have already been starting to cover birth control. When we first got married, it wasn't covered, but then it started being covered. I think there was some pressure put on them. 1309. christipeters - 6/27/2001 11:33:07 AM My employer covers birth control. From a strictly economic standpoint, BC is cheaper than prenatal care and childbirth. 1310. bubbaette - 6/27/2001 11:41:37 AM Lime Girl 1311. LimeGirl - 6/27/2001 11:57:41 AM I think they're just scared, and becoming unwilling to stick their necks out. Which isn't a good thing at all, but I think it's sort of understandable. If they get accused of being racist in an incident, even if they get exonerated in the end, they still are going to take a hit in their careers and go through all the trauma of the investigation. 1312. bubbaette - 6/27/2001 12:17:33 PM I dunno -- the examples that they gave where the police didn't intervene seemed to me to have valid reasons for intervention other than the race of the perps. It puts me in mind of the various managers who say that they can't hold black employees accountable because of fear of an EEO complaint -- it's more symptomatic of laziness and petulance on the managers part than anything else. 1313. CalGal - 6/27/2001 12:24:18 PM Taken as a whole it says to me that the Seattle police refuse to do their job unless they are allowed racial profiling as a tool. 1314. bubbaette - 6/27/2001 12:41:35 PM Of course cops weren't profiling before -- absolutely not. Just like the perps in question in the article weren't doing anything wrong but were innocent victims of profiling -- the moment they're caught. 1315. CalGal - 6/27/2001 1:51:04 PM I think it's quite arguable they weren't. Profiling is done in large part because it nets the cops more arrests or tickets, right? 1316. bubbaette - 6/27/2001 2:07:12 PM The State Police in Virginia tried to make the argument that profiling was crucial to them doing their job to pick up drug runners along the interstate 95 corridor. The profile, however, is a great big stereotype. 1317. vw - 6/27/2001 2:17:28 PM Profiles are not in and of themselves racist. They are the result of arrest data over a period of time. The problem is, if you had a tendency to more arrest black males of a certain age driving a certain car prior to building your profile, your profile will reflect that. 1318. vw - 6/27/2001 2:17:58 PM to more arrest = to arrest more 1320. CalGal - 6/27/2001 2:20:57 PM Bubba, 1321. Åse - 6/27/2001 2:34:34 PM V dub, I wish you'd post more in the "poor little delusional massmurderer" thread (although I'm glad Ad did her piece). 1322. bubbaette - 6/27/2001 2:35:34 PM which thread it that? 1323. CalGal - 6/27/2001 2:41:35 PM MWT. It is a thread to make you weep for the future of women. 1324. Åse - 6/27/2001 3:01:28 PM Ok, if I, (considering that I recently gave birth and - um - might suffer from PPD, who know), just, in a fit of insanity went out, hunted down and just offed a certain - um - overly self-involved poster there, would you all feel a lot of sympathy for me? 1325. CalGal - 6/27/2001 3:15:11 PM Well, I would feel a great deal of sympathy. I know what it feels like, I've been there, and it's only luck and the grace of god that has spared me from the need to hunt some morons down and wack them dead. 1326. CalGal - 6/27/2001 3:19:16 PM Hey. I know. I could write an op-ed piece in sympathy. Maybe Salon would print it. 1327. LimeGirl - 6/27/2001 3:20:01 PM I just can't believe how that thread goes and goes. I have been trying to read some of it off and on, can't seem to read too much at once.. at this point there are 700+ new posts. Ugh. 1328. Åse - 6/27/2001 3:22:57 PM WOMB - I love it. 1329. Laura C - 6/27/2001 3:25:06 PM Ase, speaking purely in the MWT spirit: you go, girl! 1330. theDiva - 6/27/2001 3:48:23 PM wait, which thread at MWT/TT? I have to see this. 1331. CalGal - 6/27/2001 3:51:39 PM Mother kills five children, the poor, poor lamb! If you read the Mote link (on the news bar) you can get a flavor for it. Or just start at the beginning of the thread and read until you vomit. (you've been nostalgic for morning sickness, yes? Now's your chance) 1332. theDiva - 6/27/2001 3:52:52 PM oh God. 1333. theDiva - 6/27/2001 3:57:26 PM AAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!! 1334. CalGal - 6/27/2001 3:58:28 PM I know you said you have to see it, but honestly, you might not want to. I was upset about it for days, and finally quit reading it. It wasn't only MWT, it was the whole gestalt of women and the media bleeding over this poor dear who after all, had just had a bad day. It could happen to any of us. 1335. theDiva - 6/27/2001 4:01:53 PM All I can do is shake my head. Some things are simply beyond discussion. 1336. CalGal - 6/27/2001 4:24:44 PM Well, all I can do is shake my head. You might not believe that it's true... 1337. christipeters - 6/27/2001 6:45:02 PM I couldn't read much in there either, but have peeped in now and then. 1338. Laura C - 6/27/2001 7:25:07 PM I lost it somewhere between the tenth repetition of "I'm a compassionate Buddhist who understands this poor soul and you're not, neener neener neener," and the poster who described multiple murder as "a cry for help." 1339. JudithAtHome - 6/27/2001 10:12:15 PM Why even check it out if it is so irritating? 1340. HollyW - 6/27/2001 10:36:13 PM I could not tolerate the MWT thread. I lost all stomach for it, I stopped reading it over the weekend. 1341. Åse - 6/27/2001 10:46:51 PM Holly. Don't go. 1342. HollyW - 6/27/2001 11:04:26 PM It's been over fifteen minutes. I am still on the Mote. I am proud of me. 1343. CalGal - 6/27/2001 11:07:10 PM When did middle class women become so narcissistic? 1344. HollyW - 6/27/2001 11:49:10 PM Barbara--your calm and sympathy reflect your Buddhist beliefs. Just saying you are not alone in your sympathy for all involved. I am so blown away by this nightmare. The whole thing is just so sick and sad. But I don't feel anger at AY--I feel despairing for everyone. And I feel sympathy for those who point the finger of blame and demand her blood--you all sound so desperate and sad, too. 1345. LimeGirl - 6/28/2001 12:33:43 AM What is really irritating me is lines such as It's a wonder she didn't kill them sooner. The above scenario is as deadly as pouring gasoline around and lighting a match. 1346. Åse - 6/28/2001 12:37:06 AM Oh, I have also been declared as member of the frothing at the mouth lynchmob. Which is fairly funny. By the calm compassionate Buddhist of course. 1347. MsIvoryTower - 6/28/2001 12:50:33 AM When did middle class women become so narcissistic? 1348. MsIvoryTower - 6/28/2001 12:52:20 AM Btw ladies, I'm of the "I don't give a shit about her depression, she killed her children" persuasion. 1349. pogie - 6/28/2001 12:54:41 AM The calm buddhist also doesn't think depression can be treated without resort to drugs, heh. 1350. CalGal - 6/28/2001 12:58:13 AM I oppose the DP, but I see no reason to waste this particular opportunity. Fry the bitch and don't wet her head down. (a la Green Mile) 1351. Shannon - 6/28/2001 12:59:58 AM Don't forget TT, Cal. Since you've been booted, you're closer than we are. 1352. CalGal - 6/28/2001 1:00:13 AM It's certainly pitiful. 1353. CalGal - 6/28/2001 1:01:17 AM Shannon, 1354. MsIvoryTower - 6/28/2001 1:04:59 AM People who kill their children.... 1355. MsIvoryTower - 6/28/2001 1:09:13 AM Well.... 1356. Åse - 6/28/2001 1:13:27 AM Oh, man, it took me a minute to get that comment Shannon. I think I repressed those posts. 1357. Shannon - 6/28/2001 1:19:12 AM Well, there's mushy and then there's mushy. 1358. CalGal - 6/28/2001 1:21:03 AM Two type of kid killers: 1359. Shannon - 6/28/2001 1:22:01 AM I think it freaks people out so much because we all live closer to that line than we care to admit to ourselves 1360. MsIvoryTower - 6/28/2001 1:26:53 AM I read some spine-chilling cases of child abuse that lead to accidental killings in my criminal law class. I consider these people to be as much monsters as those who deliberately plan their children's murders. 1361. CalGal - 6/28/2001 1:28:15 AM You know what really pisses me off even more? That if someone explained to her that no, really, only really sick fucks think about killing their kids and if she does, she should find a safe home for her childrens and lock herself up in an institution, the bitch would say, smugly, "See? Denial. Admit it and you'll feel much better." 1362. MsIvoryTower - 6/28/2001 1:30:52 AM I think it freaks people out so much because we all live closer to that line than we care to admit to ourselves 1363. CalGal - 6/28/2001 1:32:25 AM Ms, 1364. Shannon - 6/28/2001 1:34:42 AM "See? Denial. Admit it and you'll feel much better." 1365. CalGal - 6/28/2001 1:35:11 AM But then, that is what I was saying earlier (in the other thread). Mothers get off far too easy for killing their children. I think it is reluctance to admit that women can be monsters and, to a lesser degree, because there aren't loved ones around demanding justice for the children. Society doesn't care as much if it isn't their kids at risk. A pedophile in the neighborhood, lynch him. A mother drowns five children--oh, the poor dear. She must have been insane. 1366. MsIvoryTower - 6/28/2001 1:36:31 AM Because in the Penal Code of her state, child abuse (which is what she was charged with), resulting in death was involuntary manslaughter. 1367. CalGal - 6/28/2001 1:38:23 AM But why the hell was she not charged with murder and child abuse? If someone beats their kid every day and then one day blows his brains out, too, would that be child abuse? I'm thinking no. So how can violence to that level be considered "child abuse" and not equivalent to a damn gun? 1368. MsIvoryTower - 6/28/2001 1:39:45 AM Had to do with intent, Calgal. It wasn't a crime of passion. It was child abuse. 1369. CalGal - 6/28/2001 1:42:30 AM It was murder. Assholes. 1370. Stumbo - 6/28/2001 3:13:43 AM Anna Quindlen: Playing God On No Sleep 1371. CalGal - 6/28/2001 3:42:29 AM Yeah, I bitched about her earlier. But then, Quindlen is (and knows) exactly the sort of character we're skewering. 1372. Stumbo - 6/28/2001 3:50:30 AM Hey -- who among us isn't just a coupla Cape Codders away from not reading back far enough? 1373. Toenails - 6/28/2001 7:24:00 AM Many, many years ago we had a newborn kitten who was sickly and clearly suffering, and who wasn't going to make it thru the day. 1374. theDiva - 6/28/2001 7:38:14 AM well, I got all the way to post #36 before logging off again in a fury. I particularly enjoyed the comments blaming her Catholicism (she isn't even Catholic, from what I understand)...yes, you're absolutely correct, the Cathechism of the Catholic Church states that you must not practice birth control and should kill your kids if you have more than two. Half-assed, mush-brained, mindless twits. Can you say 'ignorance and bigotry'? Can you say 'moral relativism'? 1375. vw - 6/28/2001 9:36:33 AM I wish you'd post more in the "poor little delusional massmurderer" thread 1376. vw - 6/28/2001 9:40:19 AM And yeah ... the "too bad she didnn't know the Table Tarts" comment almost triggered a fit. 1377. theDiva - 6/28/2001 9:45:53 AM I find that it's generally a good idea to stop reading something if it makes the veins in my neck bulge. 1378. christipeters - 6/28/2001 10:27:53 AM Ad made a good post, but don't wade through the MWT thread to find it. Go on over to Salon Central and Best Posts II. 1379. CalGal - 6/28/2001 10:45:35 AM that's just the denial speaking 1380. arkymalarky - 6/28/2001 11:11:24 AM I'm with Msit on abusers who kill their kids. Or ones who don't. I actually get more angry about them because the children have been in living hell their entire lives, knowing nothing but fear and torment, none of the happiness of being a child. 1381. theDiva - 6/28/2001 11:14:55 AM To me there is no greater betrayal than when a parent abuses or harms a child. As a parent you are entrusted with these helpless little beings and you are bound to protect them with your life, to shepherd them safely (in mind, body, spirit, etc.) to adulthood. To abuse or kill...what could possibly be less excusable, more evil or more punishable? What? 1382. JudithAtHome - 6/28/2001 11:18:49 AM People who abuse...children, animals, whatever...have certain things missing in their emotional makeup. Since no one can be forced to be or learn to be compassionate, I think when these tendencies show themselves in individuals, they shouldn't have resources wasted on them...no attempts at rehab, no nothing...just lock them up or in the cases of the really grotesque and evil ones, off 'em. 1383. arkymalarky - 6/28/2001 11:18:52 AM It sort of gets to me how everybody is outraged over the Yates woman because she killed five, though it's not infrequent that children who die at the hands of their parents is in the news. Five little children is unbelievably horrendous, but a child in this country alone goes through personal hell no telling how many times daily. Had she done the same to one, or even two, she wouldn't have even made the national news. 1384. christipeters - 6/28/2001 11:22:51 AM arky - and I think that is an outrage, too. I am appalled that anyone can become blase about child abuse - whther it is one child or ten. Whether is it "just" bruises or broken bones or death that the child suffers. 1385. CalGal - 6/28/2001 11:39:41 AM It's always seemed to me that both women and men who abuse and/or kill their own children get off light 1386. christipeters - 6/28/2001 11:46:53 AM (clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap) 1387. arkymalarky - 6/28/2001 12:18:07 PM I still feel incredibly angry, and very sad. 1388. CalGal - 6/28/2001 12:48:51 PM I don't think it happened out of nowhere. I think she did it because she wanted to. I just find the notion that she did it because she was stressed, depressed, or just having a bad day to be offensive. So was it preventable? Is it possible to prevent someone from murdering for money? 1389. JudithAtHome - 6/28/2001 12:54:43 PM Is it possible to prevent someone from murdering for money? 1390. CalGal - 6/28/2001 12:57:31 PM Capital punishment doesn't prevent people from murdering. And I'm not arguing about deterrence, I'm talking about the murder in question. 1391. JudithAtHome - 6/28/2001 1:02:22 PM Capital punishment doesn't prevent people from murdering 1392. arkymalarky - 6/28/2001 1:11:16 PM I've already stated clearly that it was preventable if there were enough indications from her behavior that she had a serious problem and shouldn't be alone with her kids. Why she did it is irrelevant in that case now, but it's not irrelevant to anyone who may see similar signs in another mother. 1393. arkymalarky - 6/28/2001 1:13:08 PM The point is that someone who kills their kid deliberately is in the same package as someone who plots to kill for money, for revenge, or anything else. It is deliberate, and there's not much point of talking about prevention, so far as I can see. 1394. CalGal - 6/28/2001 1:18:25 PM But speaking of as far as you can see isn't relevant unless you have more details about her behavior and state of mind prior to the murders than I'm aware of. 1395. arkymalarky - 6/28/2001 1:25:39 PM No, you're misreading. The point is whether there were any indications beforehand that could have resulted in intervention that would have prevented the incident. What you personally can see of her behavior (which completely disregards anything she did or said prior to the killings) has nothing to do with whether there was enough for the people who saw her to intervene--not that they thought kids would die, but that they saw she was incompetent to care for them. I've been through this plainly several times already, so I'll leave the discussion with that, for no reason but that I've said everything I have to say on it, and I'm reading repeat posts from others as well, and imo it's been talked to death. 1396. CalGal - 6/28/2001 2:08:57 PM No, I know what you mean. I did the first several times. 1397. arkymalarky - 6/28/2001 2:12:34 PM No, not depressed, showing sypmptoms of pending psychosis. I said that repeatedly. I never said depressed, and I never said on the grounds she might kill, but on the grounds that she was no longer competent to care for her kids alone, also repeatedly. I feel compelled to correct your misreadings and oversimplification of my posts. 1398. LimeGirl - 6/28/2001 2:29:04 PM Some people over there sure have a glorified image of the "good old days". While I do think it was more common for extended family to live in the same house, I don't think that having lots of extra help to raise your kids was the rule. Homesteaders lived miles apart with no one around. 1399. Laura C - 6/28/2001 3:02:08 PM Oh, that's excruciating. And the "listen to me, I understand because I've been psychotic myself lots of times" argument does not convince. 1400. LimeGirl - 6/28/2001 3:52:46 PM I am sure wasting my day. My excuse is that I'm out of boxes for packing! 1401. PsychProf - 6/28/2001 4:00:00 PM Yates two sibs said on MSNBC this morning that the "Medical Community" was "partly" to blame...become a victim, blame everyone else, and never mention the crime. Today's recipe for spin and rehab. 1402. msgreer - 6/28/2001 4:29:47 PM Child abuse/neglect takes on many faces. Four years ago on Christmas Day my daughter announced, "I want to call my daddy." I suggested we talk about what she wanted to say and what she expected from him. I remember her message as if were yesterday. "Hello, daddy, this is Jennifer. I know you have a new family but if you got to know me I know you would love me." She was 27. I couldn't stop her. I did tell her he is not a daddy who will read you a good night story or take you to the zoo, sweetie. And our conversation went deeper than that. She asked me to write out her message. At 2am the sob called me screaming how could you let her call me. I gently put the phone back on the receiver. I had my hands full. She cried herself to sleep that Christmas evening. 1403. msgreer - 6/28/2001 4:34:49 PM May I add I have always felt there should be a special house parents who abandon their children should have to live in. 1404. CalGal - 6/28/2001 4:35:01 PM Sorry, but that's just an asshole dad. It cheapens the definition of abuse to bring it up in comparison. 1405. Laura C - 6/28/2001 4:37:48 PM msgreer, that is beyond cruel. He must have a very shallow soul. 1406. msgreer - 6/28/2001 4:42:39 PM Cal She was a grown girl. She had the right to call her father. And believe me there was no coaching from me. I knew it was going to end in disaster. She listened to what I had to say. At some point she was going to have to face the pain she feels because her father abandon her. These are the kind of pains she needed to work through. I don't think I "cheapen the definition of abuse." To my daughter this was abuse. Luckily, over the years she has come to know who he is. Listen, regardless of what a shit of a father he has been to her, she, like most kids, want to hold onto the belief it their parents love them. She learned. 1407. msgreer - 6/28/2001 4:43:23 PM Laura Thank you. He is a lost soul. 1408. msgreer - 6/28/2001 4:44:43 PM remove the "it" after belief. 1409. JJBiener - 6/28/2001 4:50:24 PM I don't think that cheapens the definition of abuse. Emotional abuse is every bit as real and damaging as physical or sexual abuse. In some ways it is worse because it is far harder to identify and diagnose in children. 1410. CalGal - 6/28/2001 4:53:08 PM I think emotional abuse is extremely real. I just don't think MsGreer's story qualifies as anything more than garden variety abandonment. It sucks, it's awful, but it's not only not in the same league, it's not even in the same sport. 1411. msgreer - 6/28/2001 4:53:19 PM JJ I appreciate you understanding. I am not comparing my daughter's experience to what happen in Texas. I was merely saying abuse takes on many forms. 1412. JJBiener - 6/28/2001 4:54:58 PM MsGreer - How is your friend? 1413. JJBiener - 6/28/2001 4:56:04 PM Cal - I am not surprised that you don't understand. I really didn't expect you would. 1414. msgreer - 6/28/2001 4:56:07 PM Parents who abandon their children leave them scared for life. They are always wondering what did I do wrong? 1415. PsychProf - 6/28/2001 4:57:02 PM MSG...your point was clear and well taken. 1416. msgreer - 6/28/2001 4:57:04 PM JJ Meet me in Health. I will post about my friend there. 1417. JJBiener - 6/28/2001 4:58:01 PM msgreer - Abuse does take on many forms. It is astounding how many ways some parents find to screw up their children. 1418. msgreer - 6/28/2001 5:02:17 PM PsychProf Thank you. Coming from you..well it means alot to me. 1419. CalGal - 6/28/2001 5:24:45 PM I am not surprised that you don't understand. I really didn't expect you would. 1420. LimeGirl - 6/28/2001 10:34:10 PM Good Lord. It just gets worse and worse. Now, not only was her husband responsible for her being pregnant, even if she wanted to have another baby, he was supposed to secretly sneak off and have a vascetomy, or something. And there are comments like this: Last I checked, women were not able to impregnate themselves. A box of condoms doesn't cost that much money. And I have a really hard time believing she held him down and raped him. 1421. CalGal - 6/28/2001 11:30:24 PM I like this one: 1422. Åse - 6/29/2001 12:06:17 AM I missed that one. 1423. LimeGirl - 6/29/2001 2:03:35 AM That's the thing that gets me. We're all supposed to admit that we're damn close to the edge, ready to fall off at any minute. Which is really not the case. My struggles tend to be more along the lines of snapping at the children when they're loud and I'm tired, and that's as close to life and death situations as it gets. 1424. theDiva - 6/29/2001 7:50:35 AM "It's oh so easy to sit back and make pronouncements without having some compassion for the person who felt driven to do such horrendous acts. I can remember trying to raise two small active children, work 8 hours per day, juggle child-care, shopping, housework (ALL of the housework - no help)" 1425. vw - 6/29/2001 8:50:11 AM Morons. That's who they are. People seemingly incapable of anykind of rationale discernment. They see things in terms of white and black. But worse, their definition of white and black is not based on any kind of philosophical framework or system with a coherent internal logic. 1426. Jenerator - 6/29/2001 8:53:13 AM CalGal, 1427. vw - 6/29/2001 9:06:49 AM Abandonment IS abuse, dipshit. 1428. MsIvoryTower - 6/29/2001 9:08:42 AM There's a reason you're single, Cal Gal. 1429. theDiva - 6/29/2001 9:09:37 AM < OFF TOPIC POST > 1430. Francis Urquhart - 6/29/2001 9:19:05 AM Just to keep the hive buzzing. 1431. vw - 6/29/2001 9:22:53 AM Personally, I have a hard time identifying emotional abuse in adults. 1432. MsIvoryTower - 6/29/2001 9:27:35 AM I like that distinction, vw. 1433. theDiva - 6/29/2001 9:27:42 AM Quindlen said '...the insidious cult of motherhood....' 1434. theDiva - 6/29/2001 9:28:04 AM (runs back in) 1435. MsIvoryTower - 6/29/2001 9:29:29 AM Quindlen is an idiot. 1436. bubbaette - 6/29/2001 9:34:02 AM Take a look at MWT on TT -- it does have some hallmarks of a cult. 1437. Francis Urquhart - 6/29/2001 9:34:10 AM Quindlen's work is the dominant sob-sistering. But this sort of work occurs with regularity amongst the liberal intelligentsia. The deprived backgrounds of violent killers are often mourned. Articles on the effects of high school bullying usually receive 10-fold the words of writings on the victims of two miscreants who shoot up that high school. The rush to establish kinship with monsters makes sense in tne age of perpetual understanding. 1438. vw - 6/29/2001 9:34:28 AM Oh lord, I had avoided reading Quindlen’s self-indulgent, angst-ridden pap until now. Why did I click? 1439. MsIvoryTower - 6/29/2001 9:36:26 AM Bubba 1440. Francis Urquhart - 6/29/2001 9:38:35 AM I think an apt comparison to Quindlen's article might be this: 1441. bubbaette - 6/29/2001 9:40:47 AM I have actually had some good discussion on the topic of step-parenting --and have gotten some sensible and straight-forward advice there. 1442. Laura C - 6/29/2001 9:41:01 AM Care to elaborate, Bubba? I see strong bonds there, and a certain pressure to stay within the norms. But I don't see a single inspirational leader, for example. I picture MWT more as a gated community than a cult. 1443. Adrianne - 6/29/2001 9:41:40 AM 1444. bubbaette - 6/29/2001 9:42:45 AM I find it interesting that so many identify with a woman who is obviously a full blown whackaloon. 1445. vw - 6/29/2001 9:43:48 AM But I don't see a single inspirational leader, for example. 1446. theDiva - 6/29/2001 9:44:24 AM Too many children. Now, who exactly determines how many is too many? I have a friend who is pregnant with her seventh, and people are tacky enough, when they find this out, to comment along the lines of 'Are you crazy?' and 'Haven't you ever heard of birth control?' (Mind you, this woman is one of the finest, most dedicated mothers I've ever known. She used to care for Gracie after school and summers when we were neighbors.) There's this attitude that children are a burden to be disposed of ASAP. So her reply is usually 'Well, which of my children do you think I ought not to have?' 1447. theDiva - 6/29/2001 9:45:15 AM Oh crap. Now I've forgotten. See what sleep deprivation will do to you? 1448. vw - 6/29/2001 9:45:34 AM Hey Ad! Look at that. I name you and you appear! 1449. MsIvoryTower - 6/29/2001 9:45:36 AM Francis 1450. bubbaette - 6/29/2001 9:45:57 AM Laura 1451. Francis Urquhart - 6/29/2001 9:47:16 AM "Well, yes. But. I’m imagining myself with five children under the age of 7, all alone after Dad goes off to work. And they’re bouncing off the walls in that way little boys do, except for the baby, who needs to be fed. And fed. And fed again. And changed. The milk gets spilled. The phone rings. Mommy, can I have juice? Mommy, can I have lunch? Mommy, can I go out back? Mommy, can I come in? And I add to all that depression, mental illness, whatever was happening in that house. I’m not making excuses for Andrea Yates. I love my children more than life itself." 1452. Laura C - 6/29/2001 9:48:29 AM vw - sure, if there weren't so many strong, interesting posters, I wouldn't spend so damn much time there. I was thinking through bubba's cult comparison -and I think of cults as more centralized behind a single personality. 1453. theDiva - 6/29/2001 9:48:46 AM So take a break. Hire a babysitter. Go for a walk. Get laid. Whatever. Just QUIT WHINING. 1454. vw - 6/29/2001 9:50:41 AM Gotcha Laura. 1455. Francis Urquhart - 6/29/2001 9:51:04 AM MsIt 1456. bubbaette - 6/29/2001 9:51:51 AM To be fair, MWT is not the only place on-line where you find that kind of behavior. There are the fellows in Social Issues who turn every thread into a men are shafted thread. 1457. Francis Urquhart - 6/29/2001 9:52:27 AM Men ARE shafted. 1458. MsIvoryTower - 6/29/2001 9:55:15 AM I think it is a mixture of soft liberalism, narcissism, and the need to write something - anything - that suggests an unorthodox tack on news of the day. 1459. Adrianne - 6/29/2001 9:55:30 AM VW 1460. bubbaette - 6/29/2001 9:56:14 AM No, that would be the "celebrities are shafted" thread. 1461. vw - 6/29/2001 9:58:25 AM Shit, I'm scared. I got to the second "Adrianne Call" and the phone rang. It was my Ex. 1462. MsIvoryTower - 6/29/2001 9:59:14 AM Speaking of that, Bubba, have you seen the latest example of male insecurity on TV? A poor thing called The Man Show. 1463. Francis Urquhart - 6/29/2001 10:02:02 AM Women have been having comedy shows where cheerleaders and their big breasts bounce up and down on a trampoline? 1464. MsIvoryTower - 6/29/2001 10:04:24 AM My cable service sucks. 1465. Francis Urquhart - 6/29/2001 10:07:36 AM MsIt 1466. MsIvoryTower - 6/29/2001 10:11:33 AM Yes, I know Francis. 1467. Francis Urquhart - 6/29/2001 10:14:03 AM MsIt 1468. bubbaette - 6/29/2001 10:17:00 AM I've seen the Man Show but didn't find anything funny about it -- not out of injured sensibilities, but because it was lame. 1469. Laura C - 6/29/2001 10:18:55 AM In a funny way, the Man Show reminds me of Iron Chef. In both cases, the ritual is all. The trappings are admittedly different. 1470. MsIvoryTower - 6/29/2001 10:28:27 AM Bubba 1471. bubbaette - 6/29/2001 10:35:30 AM MsIT 1472. janjon - 6/29/2001 11:53:09 AM So. She's a monster. Short, sweet, simple. End of story. 1473. Francis Urquhart - 6/29/2001 12:08:51 PM Kill it or otherwise prevent it from getting pregnant/walking free again. 1474. janjon - 6/29/2001 12:10:26 PM Too many variables in that answer. 1475. bubbaette - 6/29/2001 12:20:10 PM I'm all for leaving it to the courts after a full airing of the facts of the case. 1476. LimeGirl - 6/29/2001 12:29:43 PM My favorite part was how only the gay people were allowed to say fag, and it got beeped when non-gay people said it. So then they're all saying it and getting beeped, until the one guy says it, he's not gay, but he doesn't get beeped, and they all stare at him! 1477. CalGal - 6/29/2001 1:07:29 PM Kill it, ideally. And while that works handily for retribution, the real issue to me is deterrence. Our society now is arguably harder on women who walk out on their kids then on the ones who kill them brutally (how she suffered, poor dear!). Don't let these delusional monsters have anything in the way of pity, sympathy, or "help". Look upon them with contempt and despite.(is that the right word?) 1478. vw - 6/29/2001 1:35:41 PM I don’t know enough to decide whether or not Yates deserves the death penalty. If she was actively experiencing psychotic episodes she may not have been competent at the moment of the murders (and no, calling the cops afterwards does not indicate that she was not delusional at the time). 1479. Jenerator - 6/29/2001 6:12:45 PM What's the point in keeping the criminally insane "free"? 1480. CalGal - 6/29/2001 6:59:48 PM If she is truly insane--as in, she had a psychotic break and can never be let out of custody without meds again, then fine. She doesn't have to die. But none of this talk of depression and stress. She was a wacko. 1481. arkymalarky - 6/29/2001 7:04:28 PM Exactly. 1482. vw - 6/29/2001 7:34:02 PM But none of this talk of depression and stress 1483. CalGal - 6/29/2001 7:38:18 PM What I'd like to see: the court ordered shrink says, "She wasn't depressed at all. She had a completely psychotic break and will never be rational again. PPP? Stress of motherhood? Ha. Nothing to do with it. Had she been a career woman she might have jumped off the 25th floor after gunning down 15 co-workers." 1484. vw - 6/29/2001 7:56:24 PM Oh, don’t get me wrong. I believe PPP is real. 1485. CalGal - 6/29/2001 8:02:57 PM vw, 1486. joezan - 6/30/2001 12:03:15 AM Don't let these delusional monsters have anything in the way of pity, sympathy, or "help". Look upon them with contempt and despite.(is that the right word?) 1487. CalGal - 6/30/2001 12:23:34 AM rated her way above even Hillary Clinton in that regard. 1488. Greystoke - 6/30/2001 12:27:07 AM "after all, the little kid was able to get it up, so it can't be molestation." 1489. CalGal - 6/30/2001 12:31:31 AM You know how I said you should post in other threads? I lied. (g) 1490. Greystoke - 6/30/2001 12:40:55 AM Cal 1491. joezan - 6/30/2001 12:49:46 AM you even said confidently that she didn't go to trial, which was completely wrong... 1492. Greystoke - 6/30/2001 12:50:36 AM BTW, I have previously put forward a theory that attempts to make sense out of my position. 1493. joezan - 6/30/2001 12:55:46 AM Marie Noe: I don't remember the details of this case, but I think I read a book about it. 1494. joezan - 6/30/2001 1:04:21 AM ...after all, the poor dear had a husband to look after 1495. joezan - 6/30/2001 1:09:29 AM ...oh, and, because this guy "has to take care of his wife". 1496. CalGal - 6/30/2001 1:27:05 AM 1497. joezan - 6/30/2001 1:30:40 AM Buzz yourself, asswipe. 1498. joezan - 6/30/2001 1:31:30 AM Now. 1499. joezan - 6/30/2001 1:34:09 AM ...you even said confidently that she didn't go to trial, which was completely wrong. 1500. CalGal - 6/30/2001 1:35:01 AM You apparently aren't very good at net searches, btw. 1501. CalGal - 6/30/2001 1:35:40 AM As for coverage of Smith that sympathizes with her, here's Barbara Ehrenreich, Time Magazine 1502. CalGal - 6/30/2001 1:38:45 AM A link on the sympathetic adulation she gets, People deal with feelings at lake's edge: 1503. joezan - 6/30/2001 1:39:53 AM Juror sympathy? 1504. CalGal - 6/30/2001 1:42:34 AM Of course, all the recent news on Susan Smith has been on her sex life. 1505. joezan - 6/30/2001 1:43:18 AM Oh, please. 1506. CalGal - 6/30/2001 1:43:44 AM Whoops. Hit enter too soon. And the title of the major Susan Smith book? "Victim or Murderer". 1507. joezan - 6/30/2001 1:49:42 AM Barbara Ehrenreich? 1508. CalGal - 6/30/2001 1:51:19 AM On LeTourneau: 1509. CalGal - 6/30/2001 1:55:02 AM Let's remember what you said, Joe: 1510. CalGal - 6/30/2001 1:57:54 AM Grey, 1511. joezan - 6/30/2001 2:01:17 AM Exhibit #1 in support of CalGal's theory that society is too willing to forgive women of horrific crimes: 1512. joezan - 6/30/2001 2:13:52 AM Cal: 1513. joezan - 6/30/2001 2:32:31 AM And, not that this will mean anything to you (since you've already deluded yourself that these articles are "sympathetic"), but I did in fact find them in my search. 1514. CalGal - 6/30/2001 1:51:27 PM Joe, 1515. arkymalarky - 6/30/2001 2:45:26 PM In the case of the two gay men who murdered that boy in AR, the younger man got a lighter sentence than he might have, according to later jury comments, because they felt he was controlled by the older man and he won their sympathy as being incapable of acting independently of his partner. 1516. CalGal - 6/30/2001 2:53:26 PM It's not that men are uniformly nailed for crimes--the reasons are different. I suspect women get a much tougher hearing when they off their husbands than their kids, for example. 1517. arkymalarky - 6/30/2001 3:00:47 PM Maybe. I was thinking of the small town factors. IMO, it also helped a local woman get completely off after murdering her husband. I knew that family fairly well. She was older (50s or 60s) and her kids were grown and he'd been having an affair for years, but nothing to shoot him over. She never spent a day in jail. 1518. joezan - 6/30/2001 11:53:19 PM Cal: 1519. Åse - 7/3/2001 11:35:54 AM Here's an article from Fox News (linked in the poor little mass-murderer thread). 1520. CalGal - 7/3/2001 12:02:41 PM Ase, 1521. Åse - 7/3/2001 12:21:44 PM I thought you'd like that one. 1522. CalGal - 7/3/2001 2:46:42 PM Actually, I wrote her a note about it--and got a nice note back, to boot. Email's a wonderful thing. 1523. Laura C - 7/5/2001 9:21:03 AM Here's another one from the Times op-ed page: 1524. vw - 7/5/2001 8:56:26 PM And one more opinion article on Yates ... Taking reproductive responsibility 1525. vw - 7/5/2001 9:09:58 PM And a new article on Moms leaving babies in cars ... 1526. CalGal - 7/6/2001 12:07:12 AM I'm not sure what Caplan's point is. But this paragraph: 1527. Åse - 7/6/2001 12:39:40 AM However, if what you do in that bedroom is going to create a 1528. CalGal - 7/6/2001 1:01:51 AM Ase, 1529. CalGal - 7/6/2001 1:05:09 AM And - re forgetting kid in scorching car - can't understand it. 1530. christipeters - 7/6/2001 12:45:18 PM All three mothers reportedly are bereft and why doubt it? ... 1531. vw - 7/9/2001 12:43:10 PM On a different note: 1532. christipeters - 7/9/2001 12:52:39 PM I agree. 1533. christipeters - 7/9/2001 12:58:49 PM LD has a friend in school whose family imigrated to the US from India. They are Hindu. Her friend told her about some ceremony she's been looking forward to that involved henna painting on her hands and feet. (I got this from LD and am not clear what it was but I think it was a right-of-passage type of thing). Her family postponed the ceremony (or whatever it was) from it's intended date until after school let out because the school had a no tolerance policy for tatoos. The school extends this policy to temporary tatoos, designs the kids might draw on themselves with pens, and henna art, etc. Any child coming to school wearing any of the aforementioned is suspended. Repeated violation results in expulsion. 1534. LimeGirl - 7/9/2001 1:01:51 PM That's ridiculous, Christi. And if a kid has a tattoo, how can they avoid repeated violation? It's a permanent thing! 1535. christipeters - 7/9/2001 1:26:48 PM Lime Girl - Well, ya see, everyone !knows! that only those nasty kids who join gangs have tatoos and only the kids who are on the verge of getting out of control and who admire gang members are attracted enough be the ideas of tatoos to even want temproary ones, doncha know and we need to keep those evil, criminal elements out of our schools! 1536. christipeters - 7/9/2001 1:28:23 PM prosecute is the wrong word.... 1537. Absensia - 7/9/2001 1:32:33 PM And...who checks out the teachers and principal and board members to see if they have..."gasp" tattoos? 1538. JudithAtHome - 7/9/2001 1:35:07 PM I'm more interested in the fact the school allows ash marks on Ash Wednesday...seems like an odd exception to the rule. 1539. Absensia - 7/9/2001 1:37:32 PM True...I think the parents have a cause of action....my my but the ACLU would love this case. 1540. christipeters - 7/9/2001 2:21:53 PM Yeah, but not everyone wants to pay the personal cost of forging new ground or fixing the system or whatever you want to call it. 1541. racehorse - 7/9/2001 2:22:58 PM Well, this seems as good a place as any to post this topic for discussion, so... 1542. JudithAtHome - 7/9/2001 2:31:35 PM So was this transsexual male to female or female to male? 1543. LimeGirl - 7/9/2001 2:32:33 PM Christi, I must be a horrible influence on kids, because for my daughter's b'day party, I gave all the kids temporary tattoos! 1544. racehorse - 7/9/2001 2:37:43 PM Male to female. 1545. christipeters - 7/9/2001 2:40:44 PM Lime Girl - Well, I bought LD those pens so she could "safely" draw all over herself. 1546. theDiva - 7/9/2001 2:52:09 PM wait. 1547. christipeters - 7/9/2001 2:55:26 PM Diva - ?masochist? or at least seriously fucked up individual? 1548. CalGal - 7/9/2001 3:04:38 PM Race, 1549. racehorse - 7/9/2001 3:08:57 PM This is a non-public conversation on another board, not TT. 1550. CalGal - 7/9/2001 3:12:13 PM I could swear I've read the Tanya person say that as well. I'm sure not all transsexuals feel that way (LadyC?). 1551. christipeters - 7/9/2001 3:12:15 PM "He wants to be female, yet he equates being female with accepting lower pay, being raped, and changing dirty diapers?" 1552. racehorse - 7/9/2001 3:15:07 PM Well, the problem is, no one is challenging him on this notion. So it must be pretty widespread among women. 1553. CalGal - 7/9/2001 3:18:07 PM Not necessarily. Remember, women tend not to confront. It may be that they labor under the delusion that they are being supportive. Or it may be that they disagree, but they don't want to hear the harsh words of those that do agree. 1554. racehorse - 7/9/2001 3:24:05 PM Well, I've posted my challenge. Let's see what she/they say. 1555. JudithAtHome - 7/9/2001 7:11:35 PM Tonight on the news: Young mother visiting from Odessa with 8 week old baby; grandmother noticed infant had a high fever and took her to the Childrens Hospital where they found the infant had a fractured skull, 2 broken legs and 6 broken ribs. The mother is right now on her way back to Odessa in a police car; she'll be arrested by Odessa police, jailed, and charged. 1556. robertjayb - 7/9/2001 7:59:37 PM More no-tolerance PC silliness... 1557. labwabbit - 7/9/2001 8:34:02 PM ...good thing they didn't notice the uzi in his jocks. 1558. Wombat - 7/10/2001 9:45:16 AM What was in the sporran? 1559. christipeters - 7/10/2001 11:08:09 AM labwabbit - well if he was being fully traditional, he wasn't wearing jocks. 1560. vw - 7/10/2001 5:43:01 PM One more Andrea Yates article: 1561. CalGal - 7/10/2001 5:49:09 PM He called Kushner's argument nauseating! In print! There is a god, after all. 1562. vw - 7/10/2001 5:51:47 PM Yeah, he lost me at the end there too ... got just a wee bit overly self-righteous. 1563. robertjayb - 7/10/2001 5:58:58 PM And a fine article it is. Thanks, vw. 1564. Åse - 7/10/2001 6:00:03 PM Did like the beginning, but then got a bit - ummm - well, he lost me (Bit too much Jason Steiner there) 1565. vw - 7/10/2001 6:39:57 PM (snerk!) 1566. LimeGirl - 7/10/2001 7:48:07 PM LOL! That's great, Åse. 1567. robertjayb - 7/10/2001 10:01:06 PM Wisconsin Court Upholds Ban on more Kids... 1568. Åse - 7/11/2001 7:58:02 AM Read this article this morning, and is of two minds about it. 1569. CalGal - 7/11/2001 5:07:44 PM I'm not sure he was blaming industry and advertising, was he? I'm not sure how this relates to Yates, but as a meta point I agree with much of it. 1570. CalGal - 7/11/2001 5:08:53 PM BobbyJ, 1571. Ronski - 7/11/2001 5:22:04 PM Well, I think the article is wrong. Note that the source is not an MD, but a PhD. 1572. Åse - 7/11/2001 5:32:27 PM It's the hint that - oh, the pharmaceutical advertising - thing and that "industry needs" certain kinds of people. I'm not entirely unsympathetic to that things like that plays a role (advertising happens because it works, but I'm not sure how well it works) and that the structure of industry/work-place and their needs of certain types of people may force those that have a bad fit to resort to medication, whatever. But, I just think it is a bit more complex, the whole situational matrix. 1573. Åse - 7/11/2001 5:32:41 PM But, my take on psychology from being inside the work is that it is so profoundly complex that it is amazing that we have any handle on any of the various problems that people have out there at all, and any kind of therapy/help that may aid at least some. I do believe (with some justification) that psychopharmaca have had a positive impact on those that otherwise would be so profoundly disturbed as to need constant lock-up - but they certainly do not restore people to normal (a lot of people go off medication because it has effects that are very troubling). 1574. robertjayb - 7/11/2001 5:36:04 PM The dangerous kilted piper... 1575. Åse - 7/11/2001 5:41:08 PM Re depression/medication: The APA partyline is that drugs and therapy is the thing. I'm a member of APA, and I don't hold them in that high esteem actually. In Australia (according to a TT clinical psychologist) Cognitive therapy, not prozac (or others) is the thing to use when depressed. Some researchers have found that just about anything seems to work - any type of therapy, any type of medication. About equally well (called the Dodo effect from Alice in wonderland: all have won and all must have prizes. No particular therapy is better than another). There are those that suggest that the effect from the medication is indeed a placebo effect (you can't mask that you have taken a medication - the side effects are too pronounced so you can't really tell whether people rate as less depressed because indeed the medication affects depression, or if the lessening of depression is due to the patient believing that depression will be lifted and thus it is. of course, placebo effect is a very real effect, and depression is a serious problem so anything that helps is good. ) 1576. Åse - 7/11/2001 5:42:11 PM Ooooh, Handsome scot (sez wife o' man with scottish ancestry) 1577. CalGal - 7/11/2001 5:43:17 PM there is evidence that pharmaceuticals relieve depression 1578. CalGal - 7/11/2001 5:46:54 PM This statement, here: 1579. Åse - 7/11/2001 5:48:47 PM Yes, that one. And it was one later that "in the 50's we needed docile women so we gave them valium. Now we need little workers so we give them blah...." 1580. CalGal - 7/11/2001 5:54:18 PM Well, he may have an agenda that would make me more sensitive to it than I am. When I read the above paragraph, I just saw it as a practical problem--advertising has increased in effectiveness, doctors haven't kept up. 1581. Shannon - 7/11/2001 9:33:31 PM Column on media treatment of male vs. female killers: 1582. joezan - 7/11/2001 11:11:56 PM Absensia: 1583. vw - 7/12/2001 11:39:54 AM Thanks for the link Shannon. I think Cathy Young hit a home run with that article. It does a good job of summing up a lot of what I feel about Mrs. Yates and the responses to her crime. 1584. CalGal - 7/12/2001 12:01:25 PM Cathy Young usually makes sense until she gets near the "men's rights" stuff, where her analysis is fine but she forgets to mention that the men themselves are just fucking weird. And then there's her politics. (with apologies to Ronski). 1585. christipeters - 7/12/2001 2:00:51 PM "And I seriously doubt they would have, had the parents asked first" 1586. christipeters - 7/12/2001 2:05:13 PM Nice link Shannon. I am unfamiliar with Cathy Young, but liked what she wrote in that particular piece. 1587. CalGal - 7/12/2001 3:39:30 PM About the dad who will be sent to jail if he has any more kids--does anyone think this will eventually be applied to moms on welfare getting pregnant again? Has anyone seen this suggested? 1588. jexster - 7/17/2001 10:52:32 PM amie Bergeron listens to hip-hop, cheers at high school football games, brings home A's and B's on her report cards, shoots hoops with her little brother and gossips with her friends about clothes and boys. 1589. jexster - 7/17/2001 10:56:02 PM And while many researchers found that the children of homosexual parents often faced teasing and harassment from their peers, the sociologists wrote, the studies also showed that such children "seem to exhibit impressive psychological strength." 1590. vw - 7/18/2001 12:59:25 AM There have been several similar reports recently, jexster ... I'll see if I can dig up the links. 1591. Cygnus X-1 - 7/18/2001 2:58:32 PM You heard it hear first. In order to bridge the "web divide", affluent and educated web surfers will be restricted from visiting certian sites or those requring a fee will be forced to offer it for free to poor minorities. You see, if you lead a horse to water and it doesn't drink, then make the other horses go thirsty, too. 1592. CalGal - 7/18/2001 3:05:11 PM Which suggests that the well-educated have more money to have fun with--whether they do it on the Web or out in the real world. 1593. CalGal - 7/18/2001 3:11:24 PM I hadn't read the link yet when I posted--great piece. 1594. Cygnus X-1 - 7/18/2001 4:45:45 PM Yes, I particularly liked this passage: 1595. CalGal - 7/18/2001 5:50:31 PM I liked the bit about Asians and cars. 1596. Cygnus X-1 - 7/19/2001 9:35:55 AM Yeah, that was interesting. I never knew there was such a market for "rice rockets". And, I can't imagine spending $15,000 on modifications to a rice burner. 1597. mgleason - 7/20/2001 4:26:56 PM I came across this story about neighbors from hell in this month's Vanity Fair. The plaintiffs, having lost their lawsuit, have now taken their battle to the net via this website. 1598. JudithAtHome - 7/20/2001 4:29:16 PM That website needs a rethink...it's really hard to read with that picture in the background. 1599. mgleason - 7/20/2001 4:30:54 PM Just highlight the text, Judith. It shows right up. 1600. JudithAtHome - 7/20/2001 4:33:21 PM I've got the magazine....:-) 1601. janjon - 7/20/2001 4:39:54 PM Other than the website angle, I found that piece to be utterly banal. Did the neighbor write the nasty letter or not? Thousands of words so pondered. Vanity Fair can occasionally have good pieces, but too much of it is formulaic - almost every issue has one or another movie star on it (who just happens to have a film just about to open) with the long interview with a few obligatory candid (yeah, right) nuggets. (I learned much more about this Marky Mark than I ever wanted, that is for sure). And a few little articles or tidbits that are more or less a blend of Town & Country and People. 1602. mgleason - 7/20/2001 4:40:00 PM It's a great story. Apparently there's a new suit brought by the stockbroker rumored to be a drug dealer. These planned communities are snake-pits! 1603. janjon - 7/20/2001 4:42:12 PM And, they certainly seem to be contractually committed to promoting Dominic Dunne. What an old name-dropping bore that one is. 1604. JudithAtHome - 7/20/2001 4:44:47 PM I liked the story on Edna St. Vincent Millay... 1605. janjon - 7/20/2001 4:46:32 PM Didn't read that one yet. 1606. mgleason - 7/20/2001 4:47:28 PM Naturally, Dominic Dunne has unDunne the best thing he ever did, killing off the insufferable Gus Bailey. 1607. JudithAtHome - 7/20/2001 4:48:43 PM The Zelda bio was really good so I figured this one will be, also. 1608. janjon - 7/20/2001 4:59:35 PM this is a bit of a segue, but also a way back to being on topic (not that I really care about that, actually). Namely, a nice concise little story about Jeffrey Archer's current trial(s) and travails: This Could Be Entitled "There Will Always Be An England", I Suppose. Feisty Tabloids Indeed. 1609. janjon - 7/20/2001 5:00:10 PM Back on topic because there are scads of social issues raised by Jeffrey's various naughty behaviors. 1610. joezan - 7/20/2001 11:17:02 PM Hey - anyone see the Susan Smith profile on CNBC tonight? 1611. concerned - 7/21/2001 7:05:26 PM Wow! What happened? Looks like the Mote crashed, and now I don't seem to be able to post on any of the most recently posted threads. I get: 'Thread so and so does not exist'. and when I go to the home page, it's all fecked epp. Don't even know if this is going to post. 1612. vw - 7/22/2001 9:13:26 AM Some kind of ODBC problem which seems to have been cured. 1613. CalGal - 7/29/2001 9:52:10 PM Puzzling Case of the Dirty Diarist 1614. vw - 8/2/2001 3:46:55 PM The House votes to ban therapeutic cloning 1615. CalGal - 8/2/2001 4:34:22 PM All because it's the cause of the day. Overreaction, as usual. I think it will be a different story in the Senate. 1616. vw - 8/2/2001 7:01:56 PM All because it's the cause of the day. 1617. CalGal - 8/2/2001 7:35:08 PM I did a search and found only one hit for the phrase Stem Cell Summer, but I can't read it because I don't have PDF on this computer, I think. 1618. jexster - 8/8/2001 12:31:52 PM The queen of California gay cities, at least when it comes to same-sex couples, isn't San Francisco. It's West Hollywood, with Palm Springs placing second. 1619. CalGal - 8/8/2001 12:42:50 PM Well, all the dykes move to Berkeley. (g) How come they didn't give those stats? 1620. mgleason - 8/8/2001 12:57:09 PM Texas Mom Charged with Drowning 5 Kids Enters Plea 1621. CalGal - 8/8/2001 1:18:44 PM Yes, it's getting constant coverage on CNN. They've explained why only two charges some 50 times and I still don't quite understand it. 1622. JudithAtHome - 8/8/2001 1:19:30 PM Here we go.... 1623. mgleason - 8/8/2001 1:26:44 PM I don't get the two capital charges, either. 1624. rubberducky - 8/8/2001 1:49:30 PM please post when you figure it out! 1625. JudithAtHome - 8/8/2001 1:51:10 PM WEll, the first clue is that this is in Texas... 1626. PsychProf - 8/8/2001 1:53:40 PM Are the two capital charges those least likely to be trumped by an insanity defense? 1627. christipeters - 8/8/2001 2:04:22 PM Don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised. 1628. CalGal - 8/8/2001 2:20:52 PM I think they are mixing and matching the cases rather than trying them all together, in order to maximize their chance of getting the death penalty. So two of the kids's deaths are being combined to qualify as multiple murder, and then one of them is for killing a child under six (also a capital charge). I can't figure out why they haven't charged on the other two yet. 1629. racehorse - 8/8/2001 2:23:20 PM They are probably saving the last two for later...just in case. 1630. JudithAtHome - 8/8/2001 2:37:20 PM It's not unusual here for them to try on one or two counts and just skip the others. 1631. vw - 8/8/2001 3:01:49 PM Does not charging on the others all the DA to still prosecute on lesser charges without running a foul of double jeopardy? 1632. jexster - 8/8/2001 3:21:06 PM SUMMARY: Ireland had calls for new legislation to regulate surrogate births and adoption after a gay couple had triplets. 1633. jexster - 8/8/2001 3:22:58 PM Cal...Old news..East Bay Dykes..Old news...there WAS a time about 20 years ago when you'd be hard pressed to find a dyke nest in SF...East Bay Dykes was something of a gay male yuk...ending 1980 thereabouts 1634. CalGal - 8/8/2001 3:24:01 PM vw, 1635. CalGal - 8/8/2001 3:25:34 PM Jex, 1636. Absensia - 8/8/2001 3:27:09 PM VW, 1637. JudithAtHome - 8/8/2001 3:29:25 PM This is being discussed on CNNs TalkBack Live right now...they have an "expert" on PPD and a Texas litigator on... 1638. Absensia - 8/8/2001 3:32:59 PM Okay...I looked..didn't see that..but didn't look for long...I hate talk back live...it's one of those shouting shows. 1639. jexster - 8/9/2001 6:11:41 PM LONDON -- A world-renowned Roman Catholic scholar says he has found evidence that the Catholic church sanctioned and blessed same-sex relationships from the Middle Ages to the 19th century. 1640. CalGal - 8/10/2001 2:01:25 PM And now for a touch of tragedy.... 1641. Laura C - 8/10/2001 2:33:03 PM Dear God, that pisses me off. And I am quite soft-spoken and collaborative at work, really. 1642. CalGal - 8/10/2001 2:37:25 PM As someone who does walk, talk, and probably thinks too fast, it's even more upsetting. 1643. vw - 8/10/2001 2:45:14 PM "Talk right through the tears," Ms. Hollands writes in her coming book, "Same Game, Different Rules: How to Get Ahead Without Being a Bully Broad, Ice Queen or Other `Ms. Understoods.' " "You will look and sound more courageous if you can appear to be focused and steady, and the tears are just those little nonsense things running down your face. You will really make an impression when you finish." 1644. CalGal - 8/10/2001 3:10:16 PM Well, I do agree with that as advice--I tell women all the time that if they must cry, they should just ignore the tears. What I find revolting is the encouragement--yes yes, cry, cry! It makes them more comfortable! 1645. Laura C - 8/10/2001 3:18:46 PM Yeah. I'd love to hear the sensitive CEO blossoms. 1646. Shannon - 8/10/2001 3:20:25 PM Maybe in the advanced class, you learn to say "you know" a lot. 1647. racehorse - 8/10/2001 3:21:14 PM Another slam against women executives. Oh, goodie. 1648. CalGal - 8/10/2001 3:25:54 PM The thing that's weird, Laura, is that none of these women seemed to be real bitches. In fact, bitchy women executives seem to do just fine--the bitchiness is an aggressiveness that people are used to. They are sweet the rest of the time, and properly "feminine". 1649. Laura C - 8/10/2001 3:47:29 PM Yes. They're being punished for focusing on the job. I have a sneaking suspicion they're being punished for being so successful. Their managers can't ding them on performance, so they ding them on demeanor. 1650. Laura C - 8/10/2001 3:48:14 PM The whole thing is a vile combination of sexism, and wishywashy feelgood management of the kind that leads to mandatory potlucks and forced after-work outings. Because you can't just get the work done, you have to be bestest friends too. 1651. CalGal - 8/10/2001 3:52:07 PM You know, that is so weird that I can't figure it out. If her clients loved her, one would think the boss wouldn't care. Also, these women wouldn't have succeeded so well if their bosses (again, mainly men) hadn't been promoting them and rewarding them. 1652. CalGal - 8/10/2001 3:54:49 PM The whole thing is a vile combination of sexism, and wishywashy feelgood management of the kind that leads to mandatory potlucks and forced after-work outings. 1653. HollyW - 8/10/2001 10:40:26 PM Didn't the article say something about how those women believed that their aggressiveness was curtailing their sucess? 1654. CalGal - 8/10/2001 11:43:08 PM A Silicon Valley contractor, Rudolph & Sletten, sent one of its woman executives to be softened up by Ms. Hollands. Norma Adjmi, the company's head of human resources, said that the change may not have been profound, but the executive came back having learned to treat others more gently. 1655. HollyW - 8/11/2001 12:05:40 AM I was mostly thinking about this-- 1656. CalGal - 8/11/2001 12:21:19 AM Well, it said: 1657. vw - 8/11/2001 11:45:17 AM The whole thing is a vile combination of sexism, and wishywashy feelgood management of the kind that leads to mandatory potlucks and forced after-work outings. 1658. vw - 8/11/2001 11:45:53 AM talk care = take care 1659. Absensia - 8/11/2001 12:02:00 PM and Mr. Boss, who would not tolerate such excuses or whining by his immediate underlings, is "very" sympathetic the poor underlings, growls at Ms. Success, and says to himself, "women just can't get along." 1660. arkymalarky - 8/11/2001 2:33:40 PM They're businesses, and executives know what they want in upper management for their particular environment and corporate goals. It could also be perceived that the "tough" women had an obnoxious, overbearing style that didn't fit the company environment and were told to fix it. Males get sent to make similar adjustments if their superiors feel the need. The problem lies more with the gender differentiations on both sides. 1661. CalGal - 8/11/2001 2:55:34 PM I didn't get the impression that these women were obnoxious--also, as I mentioned before, traditionally "bitchy" women don't seem to have much trouble succeeding. 1662. CalGal - 8/11/2001 3:00:14 PM Also, these women were that good, based on the description. They also weren't women who were abusive to employees, which is a whole different matter. 1663. CalGal - 8/11/2001 3:02:28 PM Finally, Arky, we're talking about a class run by a woman who encourages other women to cry--that it will make them look more vulnerable, which makes people feel more comfortable. Their management are sending them to these classes. That ain't a matter of working for a company that may or may not have potlucks; that's gender discrimination. 1664. arkymalarky - 8/11/2001 3:06:42 PM I couldn't gather enough to determine whether the women were actually "bitchy" or really simply direct and no-nonsense, and I don't know if bitchiness has or hasn't traditionally been an impediment to success. 1665. arkymalarky - 8/11/2001 3:20:53 PM But if men are sent for "stress management"--which euphemistically means that they are beating up on employees--then why aren't they sending the women for the same thing? Presumably, because they aren't beating up on employees, but employees are bitching anyway. That suggests bias. 1666. arkymalarky - 8/11/2001 3:21:46 PM "with" instead of "in." 1667. arkymalarky - 8/11/2001 3:23:04 PM Well, I do disagree that there should be a bias. I don't disagree that the bias exist in the approach to a "fix." 1668. DanDillon - 8/17/2001 6:37:28 PM The current Harper's is devoted to a very close look at education in America. Fodder for discussion once we've slogged through it?.... 1669. CalGal - 8/17/2001 6:59:54 PM I'm interested. The article isn't online, though? I'll go out and buy a copy--then I can scan it in if we need to reference it. 1670. thoughtful - 8/21/2001 1:34:39 PM I'm going back years and years when I read an article that discussed "diversity" impacting teams and that issues around diversity were slight when the % diversity was slight...around 10%...say women in a group of men or blacks in a group of whites...or I suppose even accountants in a group of engineers. But as the proportion of that "minority" population rose above 10% more issues arose. 1671. vw - 8/21/2001 2:46:57 PM Dad forbids son's visit to jailed mom 1672. CalGal - 8/21/2001 5:09:30 PM Jesus. That's just wrong, somehow. It's common to let kids stay the night? Should it be? I mean, it's not like they can get up and leave--so they are technically imprisoned at night, too. 1673. vw - 8/21/2001 5:42:50 PM What gets me is that she didn’t get the death penalty because “she had no previous criminal record”. What do you have to do … kill a busload of nuns first before you kill two people, one an innocent Good Samaritan, before being considered for the DP? 1674. CalGal - 8/21/2001 5:49:51 PM I hadn't read the second article. Unreal. This means that anyone who hasn't killed someone before is exempt from the death penalty? We all get one bite at the apple? 1675. CalGal - 8/21/2001 6:00:29 PM Oh, man. I shouldn't have gotten curious, but the passerby part bothered me and here is a story of what happened. Turns out he lived nearby, his wife saw the fire and they were both running out to see what was up. She turned back to get shoes on and to call 911 and saw Faust's car pull back up to the scene, blocking her view. 1676. Shannon - 8/21/2001 6:03:27 PM I wondered why he agreed to visitation in the first place. I'm guessing he had a bad (or no) lawyer, since the article said he couldn't afford a lawyer now. 1677. CalGal - 8/21/2001 6:05:04 PM Yeah, that's what struck me, too. But in fairness to him, he probably could have just refused to meet with anyone and not signed an agreement. So it seems as if he wanted to make sure his kids had some contact with her. I might be too generous; it's quite possible he's a moron of some sort. 1678. Shannon - 8/21/2001 6:05:51 PM Well, the world certainly has a wide variety of all sorts of morons. 1679. christipeters - 8/21/2001 6:13:21 PM Too weird. I think if I had been the Dad, I would have been in court right to fight the overnight thing. Unfortunately, I think there is legal precedent saying he'd lose. 1680. CalGal - 8/21/2001 6:16:27 PM Yes, and isn't there one where the one parent was gay and the other was a murder? Or was that an urban legend? 1681. christipeters - 8/21/2001 6:23:41 PM I haven't heard that one. 1682. slackjaw - 8/21/2001 11:48:37 PM I don't care if the murder takes place in front of the kids or not, if you kill their parent, you damn sure HAVE done something that hurts the kids! 1683. CalGal - 8/21/2001 11:59:01 PM That's why I said I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Part of it is just the repulsion at having a kid see a parent who did something so awful. But from a systemic pov, you're right. 1684. iiibbb - 8/22/2001 11:08:22 AM from memepool 1685. concerned - 8/22/2001 5:28:36 PM What kind of subhuman brain dead moron Lefty judge would require a small kid to spend the night in prison with violent offenders in the name of 'visitation rights'? 1686. CalGal - 8/22/2001 5:48:10 PM Dan, 1687. Jenerator - 8/24/2001 5:59:31 AM iiiibbb, 1688. JudithAtHome - 8/24/2001 6:09:03 PM Just heard on the news that NOW is gong to try and raise money for Andrea Yates defense. (If this belongs in another thread, feel free to move it, vw.) 1689. CalGal - 8/24/2001 6:13:15 PM Oh, christ. 1690. JudithAtHome - 8/24/2001 6:15:16 PM I know...good news is, so far, they've received no donations. 1691. Åse - 8/24/2001 7:29:04 PM AAAARRRGHHHHH 1692. Khabees Khargosh - 8/25/2001 12:10:22 PM We have a somewhat similar situation in our country. A woman called an old neighbour of her at tea...struck her on the head and killed her...took off her jewelery and now is in jail. She has a very young daughter and now every human rights and women's rights association in the country wants her to be pardoned for her daughter's sake i guess. Can anybody tell me if the poor old lady had any rights? And why do these organizations act like this? 1693. JudithAtHome - 8/25/2001 1:33:40 PM So these organizations in your country want to give the mother a chance to decide she doesn't like her daughter or wants her daughters jewelry so she can just kill her some day on a whim, like she did the neighbor? That is indeed insane. 1694. Absensia - 8/25/2001 2:04:35 PM Gee, that is insane...but, hmmm, sounds like here...sigh. 1695. Khabees Khargosh - 8/26/2001 5:31:34 AM Insane indeed!!! This doesnt only happen here and this isn't a single case. The point is that whatever the cause, be it human rights, women's rights, animal rights or whatever these organizations should be a bit more reasonable.Rights are supposed to be what the law promises us. Media projection( which I suppose is moslty the reason behind such "behaviour") at the cost of justice and law is by no means fair. 1696. joezan - 8/26/2001 9:55:28 AM Speaking of stupid "rights" organizations, did anyone see that PETA is now on a crusade to have everyone's pet become a vegetarian? 1697. JudithAtHome - 8/26/2001 9:59:49 AM I guess they want our dogs and cats to look pale and clammy and wear Birkenstocks, too... 1698. joezan - 8/26/2001 10:06:23 AM But can you imagine the smell? 1699. joezan - 8/26/2001 10:07:18 AM ..and I think they'd prefer our pets wear sandals made of hemp, Judith. 1700. Absensia - 8/26/2001 10:08:19 AM And granola?...hmmm, no milk, if a vegetarian, though? Only salads, veggies and legumes? Boy, would the cats here be maaad. No more chasing after birds. (They were successful until I belled them.) And the dogs? Well, they might turn on us while we slept. 1701. JudithAtHome - 8/26/2001 10:11:12 AM Answer in Good Life, Abs. 1702. LimeGirl - 8/29/2001 7:21:25 PM This column really irritated me. 1703. Shannon - 8/29/2001 7:37:58 PM Ugh. "We" condemn the mob violence? Presumably none of "us" were doing it? What, were the Mardi Gras riots all just a bunch of visitors from Maiami? 1704. ronski - 8/29/2001 8:18:07 PM Cats not given meat will go blind. They require taurine (found in meat) in such amounts that it is added to dry cat food, and sometimes to the canned variety. 1705. rubberducky - 8/30/2001 4:47:21 PM some idiot judge listens to theMote's PE 1706. Shannon - 8/31/2001 8:14:27 AM An update on the prison visition case: 1707. Rama - 8/31/2001 11:57:49 AM if there are so many damn straights eager and willing to adopt this wouldn't be much of an issue. 1708. CalGal - 8/31/2001 12:38:34 PM Shannon, 1709. Rama - 8/31/2001 12:52:00 PM Yes, a single person is legally allowed to adopt in Florida, although as a practical matter this will generally only be allowed for foriegn adoption, or domestic special needs adoption. 1710. CalGal - 8/31/2001 12:53:37 PM Then the judge's rationale about two parents being best is shot to shit. That brings it down to being gay and gay only, so why not just say so? 1711. ronski - 8/31/2001 1:04:30 PM Rama, 1712. ronski - 8/31/2001 1:07:36 PM Oh, and in PE's defense, he accepted the notion that gays could be given children if they were otherwise unadoptable by straight couples, if I remember correctly. I believe he stated that straight couples should be given first crack, which is not something I have a problem with. The government should not forbid gay adoption, but it should not mandate that private adoption agencies cannot take sexual orientation (or race, or finances, or age of prospective parents, etc.) into consideration. 1713. Rama - 8/31/2001 1:45:09 PM Then the judge's rationale about two parents being best is shot to shit. 1714. Rama - 8/31/2001 1:46:23 PM Many gay people are perfectly content to take in or adopt children that are older, have special needs, are minority or mixed-race, etc. 1715. CalGal - 8/31/2001 1:49:03 PM The judge said that the plaintiff hadn't asserted these facts, which presumably was relevant to their decision. I agree that it might not have been relevant, but then they shouldn't have mentioned it. 1716. ronski - 8/31/2001 1:58:02 PM Rama, 1717. ronski - 8/31/2001 1:58:59 PM (But I do understand your point that it is still a small number compared to straights who are currently adoptive or foster parents.) 1718. Rama - 8/31/2001 2:00:37 PM The judge did discount the state's argument that the law is legitimate because it reflects the state's disapproval of homosexuality. 1719. Rama - 8/31/2001 2:01:59 PM (But I do understand your point that it is still a small number compared to straights who are currently adoptive or foster parents.) 1720. ronski - 8/31/2001 2:03:58 PM Yes. 1721. Rama - 8/31/2001 2:08:54 PM Frequently, that isn't true. If the dollars and hours expended on the issue of gay adoption where instead expended on adoption in general, there would likely be more children with parents than would result if all resistance to gay adoption were lifted immediately. 1722. CalGal - 8/31/2001 2:12:56 PM Likely? Hardly. I think one of the main reasons gays focus on adopting special needs kids is because there are so many of them. You're not going to change that by spending more money on marketing. 1723. ronski - 8/31/2001 2:13:04 PM Hard to prove. 1724. CalGal - 8/31/2001 2:14:38 PM As for the other quote, it doesn't change the fact that the judge said that the onus was on gays to prove that they were as good as a "two-parent" family, even though the law doesn't require that. 1725. Indiana Jones - 8/31/2001 2:17:13 PM If the dollars and hours expended on the issue of gay adoption where instead expended on adoption in general, there would likely be more children with parents than would result if all resistance to gay adoption were lifted immediately. 1726. Cellar Door - 8/31/2001 2:19:45 PM Cellar's argument for gay adoption. 1727. Rama - 8/31/2001 3:11:12 PM You're not going to change that by spending more money on marketing. 1728. Rama - 8/31/2001 3:13:14 PM But if dollars spent fighting slavery in the courts, in legislatures, and in the Civil War had been spent on slave quarters, they might have lived in nicer surroundings. 1729. CalGal - 8/31/2001 3:14:00 PM Right. 1730. Rama - 8/31/2001 3:14:20 PM As for the other quote, it doesn't change the fact that the judge said that the onus was on gays to prove that they were as good as a "two-parent" family, even though the law doesn't require that. 1731. Rama - 8/31/2001 3:17:45 PM Total non sequitur. 1732. ronski - 8/31/2001 5:17:54 PM It is a different issue, but I couldn't resist making the analogy because of my passion about the equal treatment matter. 1733. Indiana Jones - 8/31/2001 5:38:51 PM 1731: I can follow your "argument," but that doesn't mean it's logical. If "all resistance to gay adoption were lifted immediately" the amount spent on the "issue" of gay adoption would also be freed up (for whatever purpose). Thus, not only are you ignoring the issue of which principle is correct, even under your hypothetical--as though all these resources are somehow transferrable--your conclusion doesn't follow from the premise of your hypothetical's conditions. 1734. Rama - 8/31/2001 6:03:01 PM I know you get confused easily, hon, so I'll cut the discussion into pieces for you, like your mother cut your food for you in the past. 1735. Rama - 8/31/2001 6:22:14 PM I'm not advocating gay adoption, 1736. Cellar Door - 8/31/2001 6:44:06 PM Hmmm maybe now would be a good time to propose keeping tabs on the "wonders" of the "tradional family." 1737. Rama - 8/31/2001 7:07:32 PM Is that supposed to have a point? 1738. Cellar Door - 8/31/2001 7:41:40 PM None that you'd bother to recognize. 1739. CalGal - 9/3/2001 2:16:54 PM This appears to be the summer for killing one's children. Media attention seems to give the wackos ideas. 1740. Cellar Door - 9/3/2001 4:24:44 PM Crime is Entertainment. 1741. wonkers2 - 9/3/2001 10:08:59 PM Punishment is even greater entertainment. Half the channels on our Comcast Cable menu are cop shows at night and court shows day and night. What a bunch of sadists and mashochists we are! 1742. Rama - 9/4/2001 10:31:07 AM What a bunch of sadists and mashochists we are! 1743. AuNaturel - 9/15/2001 2:18:55 AM "Half the channels on our Comcast Cable menu are cop shows at night and court shows day and night." 1744. Cygnus X-1 - 9/28/2001 11:56:16 AM PC 101 - Acceptable racism 1745. Rama - 9/28/2001 1:27:53 PM What if Dick Morris had said "Stupid, dirty, and short people now rule N.Y. Dems"? 1746. mgleason - 9/28/2001 2:00:48 PM Now, why say "Add in Asians"? Aren't they a minority? What are you saying Dick, blacks and Hispanics all vote alike just like they all look alike? And that Asians look different, so probably vote different? 1747. aunaturel - 9/30/2001 1:20:50 AM Well DUH! 1748. aunaturel - 9/30/2001 1:32:22 AM Whats-her-face got held to be fit to stand trial. Her defense was essentially that only a crazy person would drown her own kids, so obviously she wasn't sane. 1749. Absensia - 10/18/2001 12:30:07 PM Assuming the worst, and anthrax becomes widespread, and perhaps there are other biotech terrorist acts, (small pox?) and there aren't enough meds and vaccines to go around, how should it be decided who gets the needed medical treatment? And who's going to decide it? (I'm not sure if this should be here or in health, so will post there, too.) 1750. CalGal - 10/18/2001 12:41:27 PM Wow, good question. 1751. Absensia - 10/18/2001 1:02:26 PM Gas masks would be cumbersome. Hard to smoke while wearing one. (g) Yes, military and cops and health workers and then teachers maybe? I know most will say that income levels of people shouldn't matter, but I think it would. It's a lot easier to get something from your friendly private doc than it is to line up at the Public Health Dept. 1752. vw - 10/18/2001 1:29:26 PM Public officials will get added to that list (not that I think most of them do anything useful enough to save all of them) well before teachers. 1753. Absensia - 10/18/2001 1:34:03 PM VW, very true. After all, they will be writing the guidelines, right? It becomes a medical-legal issue. And I don't see ethics playing any big part in it, aside from getting some lipservice. 1754. vw - 10/18/2001 1:42:46 PM Well some public officials are vital ... the government needs to keep running. On the other hand if we were under a serious bio-terrorist attack how important is the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service ? 1755. Jenerator - 10/18/2001 1:43:22 PM Aren't gas masks essentially useless unless you can fortify your house completely and create some sort of oxygen generator, too? 1756. Absensia - 10/18/2001 2:04:45 PM I think some might work, but think how freaked people would get if you walked into a mall or someplace wearing one. And, hey, they are hard to accessorize. 1757. CalGal - 10/18/2001 3:25:12 PM I was going to mention public officials, but I also think they should go through the same vetting process--not all are equal. 1758. Erin R. - 10/18/2001 3:28:25 PM Why do we need a small pox vaccine? 1759. CalGal - 10/18/2001 3:30:06 PM Because that's a real risk, the one that makes anthrax look picayune. It only exists two place in the world (small pox virus, that is) but one of them is a place that is falling apart at the seams and has a huge amount of unemployed scientists who might have thought securing some virus to sell to terrorist countries made a lot of sense. 1760. CalGal - 10/18/2001 3:30:22 PM that's "in two places" 1761. CalGal - 10/18/2001 3:39:36 PM Yes, we are beefing up supplies 1762. Absensia - 10/18/2001 3:47:48 PM Call, at what age should we decide a person is "older"? And tuberculosis is back these days, on it's own, seemingly. Lots of stuff out there. Is polio et all, next? 1763. amax - 10/18/2001 3:56:02 PM I vaguely remember being vaccinated against smallpox since my old man was going overseas. Is that the one that leaves a mark on your sholder? If so, how long is it good for? I seem to remember that it was supposedly a life vac..... 1764. Ms. No - 10/18/2001 4:35:30 PM very funny, amax 1765. rubberducky - 10/18/2001 4:36:59 PM is it worth getting a smallpox vac now if possible? 1766. judithathome - 10/18/2001 4:41:11 PM Depends on if you think the terrorists are going to use small pox next ot not... 1767. CalGal - 10/18/2001 4:45:34 PM Abs, 1768. CalGal - 10/18/2001 4:46:14 PM Yes, TB is back. I think that vectored in from Russia, originally? 1769. janjon - 10/18/2001 4:46:21 PM There is no doubt in my mind that once the supplies are available there will be a mammoth nationwide campaign to have or renew smallpox vaccinations. 1770. amax - 10/18/2001 4:48:52 PM I suppose this is one of the many times that I am unintentionally funny :) 1771. judithathome - 10/18/2001 4:57:44 PM I think that vectored in from Russia, originally? 1772. vw - 10/29/2001 12:46:58 PM The TB issue is Russia is with antibotic resistent strains. 1773. CalGal - 10/29/2001 12:57:04 PM Right, that's what I remember as well. 1774. vw - 11/1/2001 3:36:31 PM I missed that ... but why am I not surprised. Remember when journalism used to be a profession filled with intelligent informed people rather than hair-dos without a clue? 1775. CalGal - 11/1/2001 3:59:57 PM heh. 1776. Erin R. - 11/1/2001 4:31:27 PM Interesting article. I will have to ask my dad, a former Anti-Vietnam protester, what he thinks of our efforts in Afganistan. 1777. Erin R. - 11/1/2001 4:40:44 PM Very interesting indeed. I thought the article touched well on the fact that most African-Americans, including middle-class and higher, are not what you'd call patriots. You don't see many American flags on cars driven by blacks. 1778. CalGal - 11/1/2001 5:30:51 PM Some of the concerns are legitimate: certainly I can understand African Americans being triply suspicious of any civil liberty restrictions coming back to smack them in the face. 1779. Erin R. - 11/1/2001 5:38:58 PM I understand that a lot of things Bush is doing now he is doing simply because he is President. But there are some things the Republicans are doing now, and Bush by extension or by allowing it, that are so typically bullshit Republican. 1780. Shannon - 11/1/2001 5:40:03 PM I read an article somewhere recently about new tests being done to determine if a diluted smallpox vaccine provides any kind of immunity. The thinking was that perhaps diluting the existing supplies could be a stopgap measure if something happened before the stockpiles of vaccine were produced. 1781. CalGal - 11/1/2001 5:44:26 PM Oh, I agree that politics are still there, and lord knows I don't support Bush on a lot of things. I just mean the actual refusal to support him now because of Florida. I agree that very few blacks supported Bush--I've bemoaned this as counterproductive for a while now. Not that there's much to be done about it. 1782. CalGal - 11/1/2001 5:45:05 PM Shannon, 1783. Shannon - 11/1/2001 5:47:28 PM I was vaccinated, which was a bit odd, I think--born in '69. 1784. Erin R. - 11/1/2001 5:49:37 PM I think it's probably true that there is a lot we haven't been told. I don't consider myself to be paranoid, but I think there's a lot the government is simply not going to tell us in time of war. 1785. Erin R. - 11/1/2001 5:51:41 PM I was born in '69 and was vaccinated. 1786. CalGal - 11/1/2001 5:55:46 PM Shannon--we kept vaccinating until the early 80s, I think. For some reason, I keep on thinking I was vaccinated twice because I lived in Saudi Arabia. But I got so many, many shots. It's hard to keep them straight. 1787. Shannon - 11/1/2001 5:57:24 PM Cal, my husband (a year older than me) is not vaccinated. Most people I know my age are not. I read somewhere that we stopped in 1972. I'm not sure at what age the vaccine was typically given, though. 1788. CalGal - 11/1/2001 6:01:51 PM You're right, Shannon 1789. Erin R. - 11/1/2001 6:02:44 PM Black people tend not to be pragmatists when it comes to politics. We tend to hold on to paradigms that are no longer entirely valid. So that even well off blacks will seldom vote Republican, whereas I think more Hispanics are voting Republican in recent years. 1790. CalGal - 11/1/2001 6:10:30 PM Black people tend not to be pragmatists when it comes to politics. We tend to hold on to paradigms that are no longer entirely valid. 1791. Erin R. - 11/1/2001 6:19:22 PM Republicans won't make the first move because they don't really have to, and they know they will alienate many on the right if they try to placate blacks. And blacks are still not so mainstream that they care about the estate tax and such. 1792. CalGal - 11/1/2001 6:22:46 PM Actually, upper income blacks (and I don't just mean rich) do care about the estate tax. I imagine you and I have, if we think about it, the same pragmatic interest in the tax ceiling being raised, at least. People may oppose it even if they benefit from it, but that's a different issue from benefiting. 1793. Erin R. - 11/1/2001 6:37:30 PM But, most blacks are not upper income. I'm upper income, and I don't care about the estate tax. At least not yet. 1794. rubberducky - 11/30/2001 1:33:39 PM not sure how true this is, but i thought it interesting -- from iWon's daily health section: 1795. CalGal - 11/30/2001 1:44:28 PM See, I generally do stop. It's the California Roll, of course, but I usually do cease movement for some .00001 seconds. 1796. rubberducky - 11/30/2001 1:48:58 PM i slow down to be going reaaaalllllly sssllloooowwwww and figure that's good enuff 1797. AytchMan - 11/30/2001 4:54:52 PM An idle question: 1798. judithathome - 11/30/2001 4:57:56 PM Because everyone thinks it's the other guy who just doesn't get the joke. 1799. AytchMan - 11/30/2001 5:01:18 PM So, you're thinking that everybody actually believes they have a good sense of humor? 1800. CalGal - 11/30/2001 5:10:21 PM I think almost everyone enjoys laughing to the extent that they feel the need to laugh. The need differs individually. 1801. AytchMan - 11/30/2001 5:21:03 PM You would agree that there are people who cop to being humorless on occasion? 1802. mgleason - 11/30/2001 5:21:05 PM Heck, there are entire (nameless) nations where being dour is the national pastime. 1803. AytchMan - 11/30/2001 5:22:20 PM Have any of you guys met anybody who admitted to no sense of humor? 1804. CalGal - 11/30/2001 5:24:20 PM I don't think it's possible to have absolutely no sense of humor. That would be a person who never, ever laughed. 1805. AytchMan - 11/30/2001 5:24:57 PM mgleason-- 1806. AytchMan - 11/30/2001 5:27:43 PM cal-- 1807. CalGal - 11/30/2001 5:30:09 PM Yeah, but the action of assessing humor is M:M. 1808. Åse - 11/30/2001 5:33:13 PM I used to have none. And didn't like it either. When people listed "good sense of humor" as a desirable trait in a partner I didn't get it. 1809. mgleason - 11/30/2001 5:34:53 PM It's just that humor is so subjective. As Judith says, the people I think lack a sense of humor don't share my sense of the ridiculous. Likewise, what they find funny is inexplicable to me, like those who only find humor in the misfortunes of others, for example, or in knock-knock jokes. 1810. AytchMan - 11/30/2001 5:35:20 PM Let me back up half a step. 1811. Åse - 11/30/2001 5:36:26 PM >So, you're thinking that everybody actually believes they have a good sense of humor? 1812. CalGal - 11/30/2001 5:36:38 PM . I think it is the "everybody is above average" syndrome (except when you're depressed). 1813. Åse - 11/30/2001 5:38:00 PM Oh, boy, am I cross-posting. 1814. AytchMan - 11/30/2001 5:56:28 PM ase-- 1815. Åse - 11/30/2001 6:16:38 PM Aytch. I had a period in my life (teens) when dignity, sentiment, longing and sweet suffering and earnestness was very important. Funny stuff sort of dashed that. My younger siblings got Monty Python long before I did (I now love it). And, I had read Mad Magazine. I suspect appreciation of dark comedy and gallows humor is something that develops. When I was a kid I really dug potty stuff. Come to think of it, I can still find potty stuff amusing. 1816. Åse - 11/30/2001 6:16:55 PM But, since I like to mess with anecdotal observations, I went ahead and mentioned the period in my life when a sense of humor seemed like not a very good trait to have in any way - I didn't like it in others, and didn't have it myself (even if I did) because it really seemed to trivialise things. 1817. christipeters - 11/30/2001 6:35:49 PM I understand the attraction of slap-stick, even though I don't like it too much. 1818. AytchMan - 12/1/2001 3:35:54 PM Well, I think the question is half-answered -- everybody apparently finds something funny, so none of us believes we have no sense of humor. 1819. PelleNilsson - 12/1/2001 3:50:25 PM Aytch 1820. AytchMan - 12/1/2001 4:06:46 PM hi pelle-- 1821. PelleNilsson - 12/1/2001 4:13:02 PM Yes, even I have admitted to poor judgement in specific cases, but not as general trait of character. 1822. AytchMan - 12/1/2001 4:24:07 PM Getting to an underlying question, why is it that people will (apparently) admit to a lack in some important areas and not others? 1823. mgleason - 12/3/2001 12:55:00 AM AytchMan, 1824. vw - 12/3/2001 8:04:28 AM Who among us admits to poor judgement or has heard someone admit to it? 1825. Ms. No - 12/3/2001 3:46:27 PM Maria, 1826. judithathome - 12/3/2001 4:03:11 PM MG: 1827. Ms. No - 12/3/2001 7:02:58 PM response to discussion in Cafe 1828. CalGal - 12/3/2001 7:22:08 PM The only point that you've made is that people often choose sides for reasons of personal affection. 1829. Jenerator - 12/4/2001 7:00:30 PM I've noticed that to appreciate Monty Python is to be politically correct. 1830. bubbaette - 12/4/2001 8:40:33 PM That's what you think, you toffee-nosed malodorous pervert. 1831. Åse - 12/9/2001 5:09:08 PM I thought this was argument. I was looking for argument, not abuse. 1832. AytchMan - 12/9/2001 5:57:43 PM ase-- 1833. Al D - 12/9/2001 6:11:13 PM Jen 1834. arkymalarky - 12/9/2001 7:15:31 PM Some of my students are huge fans of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Makes for some fun exchanges in class, since everyone recognizes any small part of the dialog thrown out in relation to something said in class. 1835. mgleason - 12/9/2001 7:55:51 PM The really hilarious thing, of course, is that 'political correctness' exists on all sides of an issue, and heaven help you if you disregard the conventions. 1836. AytchMan - 12/9/2001 8:20:30 PM mg-- 1837. mgleason - 12/9/2001 8:37:48 PM Aytch, 1838. AytchMan - 12/9/2001 8:57:06 PM Ah, thanks. I see that more along the lines of "two sides to every issue" than political correctness. Perhaps I quibble. 1839. Rama - 12/9/2001 8:58:07 PM The really hilarious thing, of course, is that 'political correctness' exists on all sides of an issue, and heaven help you if you disregard the conventions. 1840. mgleason - 12/9/2001 9:08:01 PM Aytch, 1841. CalGal - 12/9/2001 9:14:35 PM Political correctness is just another form of social control, conformity, and peer pressure. 1842. CalGal - 12/9/2001 9:16:50 PM Control the words and you control perception - that's the essence of 'political correctness.' 1843. AytchMan - 12/9/2001 9:27:15 PM ...political correctness. It is when what is clearly a political position is treated as an established truth in a venue where politics is not supposed to be the criteria... 1844. AytchMan - 12/9/2001 9:28:47 PM We've gone from humor to PC. Usually... 1845. Erin R. - 12/9/2001 9:32:32 PM I am automatically PC in the essentials; it is a California requirement. The rift between us began when they came out with "visually challenged". 1846. joezan - 12/9/2001 9:57:21 PM I am automatically PC in the essentials 1847. CalGal - 12/9/2001 9:57:49 PM Yes we are on for tomorrow. I need many, many drinks. I have been at work for 20 hours this weekend alone. 1848. Erin R. - 12/9/2001 10:07:39 PM OK. You still have my cell number? 1849. CalGal - 12/9/2001 10:09:16 PM Joe--that's not PC, that's weeniedom. At the same time, she did get it because she spoke Spanish, yes? 1850. CalGal - 12/9/2001 10:10:17 PM I'll look it up right now and email you if I don't. 1851. joezan - 12/9/2001 10:19:25 PM Yea - I'd intended to mention that the guy said she'd won out over the other two because she was "Bi-cultural/Bi-lingual". 1852. wonkers2 - 12/9/2001 11:07:26 PM Using gay as a pejorative is frowned on these days in polite circles. 1853. Rama - 12/10/2001 9:55:03 AM Using gay as a pejorative is frowned on these days in polite circles. 1854. Rama - 12/10/2001 10:26:58 AM Using gay as a pejorative is frowned on these days in polite circles. 1855. jexster - 12/10/2001 11:07:08 AM OS ANGELES, Dec. 9 ? Life imprisonment for a man who shoplifted a screwdriver, an electric razor and a map from a Kmart . The same sentence for one who tried to steal a meat slicer and a mixer from an International House of Pancakes. Twenty-five years to life for a homeless man who broke into a restaurant, only to come away with four chocolate chip cookies ? two in his left pocket, two in his right. 1856. PelleNilsson - 12/10/2001 11:08:58 AM "Cheap Shot" Rama strikes again. God, the wittiness! 1857. Wombat - 12/10/2001 11:20:01 AM I would make Monty Python appreciation mandatory. 1858. wonkers2 - 12/10/2001 9:39:59 PM The Mote was a polite circle until you came along. We're doing our best to house break you. But you don't learn very fast. 1859. Rama - 12/15/2001 4:38:23 PM The Mote was a polite circle until you came along. We're doing our best to house break you. But you don't learn very fast. 1860. CalGal - 12/15/2001 4:52:58 PM I beg your pardon. I'm a gem. 1861. Rama - 12/15/2001 5:14:28 PM I agree. But you aren't a component of a polite circle. 1862. CalGal - 12/15/2001 5:37:59 PM Hmm. Not much to argue with there. 1863. wonkers2 - 12/15/2001 5:39:06 PM The pot calling the kettle black! 1864. Al D - 12/16/2001 7:21:57 PM Sacramento Bee Publisher Booed During Her College Graduation Speech 1865. vw - 12/17/2001 7:36:57 AM As she should ... Ashcroft was a threat to civil liberties before 9/11. 1866. Rama - 12/17/2001 8:50:24 AM Heaphy told The Sacramento Bee afterward that the hecklers were merely blaming the messenger. 1867. judithathome - 12/17/2001 8:58:21 AM Heckling isn't speaking louder...it's an attempt to stifle those whose message the heckler feels is unworthy of being heard. 1868. Rama - 12/17/2001 10:28:18 AM Heckling isn't speaking louder... 1869. Cellar Door - 12/17/2001 10:33:41 AM No dear. Pay attention (wishful thinking!) It's Ashcroft who's projecting his totalitarian desires on us. He's a racist who demands that all we "sinners" covert to Christianity or die. 1870. judithathome - 12/17/2001 10:37:59 AM You need to get in touch with a taste of reality yourself...those hecklers have just as much chance to speak their minds on a forum like this one as you or I. And they can write letters to the editor of any newspaper or publication and make their views known. Rudely shouting down a speaker who is an invited guest is not making your views known; it is keeping someone else from expressing theirs at that time . 1871. CalGal - 12/17/2001 10:41:36 AM And it probably did confuse the speaker, who up until that incident might have felt this was still a country where differing views could be stated freely. 1872. Rama - 12/17/2001 10:50:04 AM You need to get in touch with a taste of reality yourself... 1873. judithathome - 12/17/2001 10:54:06 AM Enjoy yourself... 1874. judithathome - 12/17/2001 10:56:46 AM You, by denying these people the right to express their views when they did, are keeping someone else from expressing their opinion at that time. 1875. Rama - 12/17/2001 11:10:07 AM I just think they might make their point more clearly and be taken more seriously were they to do so less rudely. 1876. judithathome - 12/17/2001 11:13:08 AM Okay...you've convinced me. 1877. Rama - 12/17/2001 11:22:48 AM You agree?!!!! 1878. judithathome - 12/17/2001 12:18:00 PM It's impossible to get along with you... 1879. Al D - 12/17/2001 12:34:07 PM A good discussion above, with people expressing their point of view. Had I posted an article about David Horowitz being being heckled by leftists on college after college not wanting to allow huim to speak, positions might have been reversed. 1880. judithathome - 12/17/2001 12:36:54 PM I don't like hecklers, no matter who the speaker is. 1881. Jonesatlaw - 12/17/2001 1:10:49 PM There is a difference between counter speech and stiffling speech. Where a speaker makes a statement which is regarded as bunk, and the audience spontaneously responds- that's counter speech and completely fair. When they rise to leave and protest outside such a gathering, pointing out the speaker's errors, that too is fair game. Drowing out speech one disagrees with is not fair to the speaker or the audience. 1882. CalGal - 12/17/2001 1:51:51 PM Where a speaker makes a statement which is regarded as bunk, and the audience spontaneously responds- that's counter speech and completely fair. 1883. vw - 12/17/2001 2:03:33 PM I have to wonder how many of the people who are terrified of Ashcroft are projecting their own totalitarian desires on the Attorney General. 1884. Jonesatlaw - 12/17/2001 2:19:50 PM the audience interrupted by clapping and stomping their feet for five minutes. 1885. mgleason - 12/17/2001 2:20:47 PM Judith, 1886. CalGal - 12/17/2001 2:24:23 PM Hard to debate hand claps and foot stomping, or to discern much speech there, other than "we won't let you speak." 1887. CalGal - 12/17/2001 2:25:02 PM Once I noticed what she was doing (it took a while because she was about 4' tall and 57 lbs.), 1888. mgleason - 12/17/2001 2:37:42 PM Those were the days! Political activism isn't what it used to be. 1889. Jonesatlaw - 12/17/2001 2:42:48 PM In the late 70's I attended a speech by Gen. William Westmoreland at college. There were a number of protesters there, some were his former troops, some aging radicals, and a large number of Iranian students protesting the CIA and the Shah. After a few spontaneous objections to his remarks, the speech turned into a shouting match between war protesters, Westmoreland supporters and finally endless chants of "Down with the Shah." 1890. CalGal - 12/17/2001 2:52:23 PM Jones, 1891. Jonesatlaw - 12/17/2001 3:14:55 PM At some point, noisemaking and shouting down a speaker are out of bounds. I don't know that 5 minutes is out of bounds. I must agree that there is an assumption that graduation speeches are laudatory, full of generalized advice and are boring, so many may have been surprised at one with content, let alone contraversy. OTOH, you are correct in stating that the day is for the graduates and not for the political agenda of the speaker. 1892. Rama - 12/17/2001 5:18:36 PM It's impossible to get along with you... 1893. judithathome - 12/17/2001 5:32:33 PM I was making a joke when I said that but evidently it fell flat. 1894. Rama - 12/17/2001 6:38:39 PM I am very familiar with that experience. 1895. Al D - 12/17/2001 7:04:43 PM Have you ever noticed how spelling errors by one person are never missed and always commened on, while others are almost never mentioned? I, of course, would never bother to comment on a mispelled word, even if I knew it was misspelled. 1896. Rama - 12/17/2001 7:14:19 PM Have you ever noticed how spelling errors by one person are never missed and always commened on, while others are almost never mentioned? I, of course, would never bother to comment on a mispelled word, even if I knew it was misspelled 1897. Al D - 12/17/2001 7:33:02 PM Rama 1898. OhioSTOPAS - 12/17/2001 7:38:30 PM Cal: Your (Message # 1890) and some previous posts presume that all of the grads rose as one to protest the speaker. In fact, a minority (although a sizeable one) was making the noise, and apparently most of those were family and friends attending, not the grads themselves. 1899. OhioSTOPAS - 12/17/2001 7:42:36 PM I'm surprised at conservatives defending the hecklers' poor behavior (see, for example, the Wall Street Journal's "Best of the Web" column at www.opinionjournal.com), although certainly an "it's OUR turn now" comment is appropriate after decades of leftists shouting down conservative speakers. 1900. CalGal - 12/17/2001 7:44:59 PM Actually, I didn't presume it was the grads; I thought I said "the audience", when I said anyone at all. Whether it is the graduate or the friends/family, they are still here for a purpose other than to hear the editor speak. 1901. CalGal - 12/17/2001 7:47:52 PM Again, I'm not supporting the hecklers per se, because I always think it's rude to jeer a speech. But the speaker had no business raising anything controversial, and I don't buy that bringing up the threat to our constitutional liberties right now doesn't fall into that category. 1902. OhioSTOPAS - 12/17/2001 7:48:36 PM Oh, "Constitutional rights are important" is not controversial. 1903. CalGal - 12/17/2001 7:55:10 PM Oh, "Constitutional rights are important" is not controversial. 1904. OhioSTOPAS - 12/17/2001 8:00:14 PM It's pretty sad if "Constitutional rights are important" is too controversial to say at a university. 1905. Rama - 12/17/2001 8:47:26 PM It's pretty sad if "Constitutional rights are important" is too controversial to say at a university. 1906. ronski - 12/17/2001 8:56:02 PM Parliament seems to survives foot-stomping. 1907. ronski - 12/17/2001 8:57:39 PM ...survive... 1908. Shannon - 12/17/2001 9:15:47 PM Well, this discussion reminds me again of why I didn't want Bush the father (who was President at the time) speaking at my college graduation. Yes, I disagreed with him entirely. But I wouldn't have wanted any Pres being the graduation speaker, because I didn't want my graduation turning into a heckle-fest. The security nightmare was an issue too. Armed guards standing on all the rooftops didn't sound too festive. 1909. Al D - 12/17/2001 10:04:33 PM I guess it just depends on whose ox is gored. I can more easily understand, not excuse, the reaction of the people attending the graduation. What is not understandable to me is why speakers at colleges, and more often than not conservatives, are heckled to the point they cannot be heard. Isn't one idea of a college to explore ideas? 1910. arkymalarky - 12/18/2001 3:57:07 PM Well, the Cleveland Browns fans were just showing their dedication to their unfairly treated team. People ought to control themselves better at public events instead of thinking what they want to express is more important than anything else--that goes for speakers and hecklers. 1911. arkymalarky - 12/18/2001 3:58:06 PM BTW, that was not to Al, or anyone in particular, just on the topic in general. 1912. Al D - 12/18/2001 10:41:42 PM When I was at S.F. State back in the '60's Norman (I think, maybe George) Lincoln Rockwell, a devout nazi, was invited to speak on campus. He thrived on an adverse audiance. What he got did not please him A full house of silent students all wearing yellow arm bands. Very effective heckling. 1913. Wombat - 12/19/2001 9:03:24 AM Unfortunately, campus protesters these days lack a sense of humor and irony. This impairs a creative response to speakers they dislike. 1914. judithathome - 12/19/2001 9:24:11 AM Al D: 1915. Al D - 12/19/2001 10:52:43 PM I wasn't sure where to put this, but this seemed best. 1916. wonkers2 - 12/19/2001 11:04:57 PM Al, How about Maria Bartiromo on MSNBC? She has more sex appeal just reporting on the stock market that most of the babes on Baywatch. 1917. Al D - 12/19/2001 11:17:44 PM That does it, screw Fox. I'm MSNBC bound! 1918. arkymalarky - 12/19/2001 11:54:51 PM Hey Al, Elizabeth Ward was no slouch. Just ask Clinton. 1919. jexster - 12/22/2001 12:38:31 PM America's Ten Most Dangerous Cities 1920. AytchMan - 12/22/2001 6:12:51 PM Austin should be on that list. The gunfire never stops. Don't nobody move here. 1921. CalGal - 12/22/2001 6:23:41 PM I just read a piece saying that homicides are back up. Can't remember if it was the Times or the Post. 1922. Jenerator - 12/22/2001 7:00:55 PM Compton is the only city I'm not surprised by. 1923. wonkers2 - 12/23/2001 10:19:20 PM I wonder if the statistics for Detroit include homocides and shootings of citizens by the police? That might explain how Motown got to be number one. 1924. Rama - 1/5/2002 12:01:14 PM Now for something completely different: 1925. CalGal - 1/6/2002 3:41:35 AM I imagine you're being sarcastic, but "bashing" usually suggests the attack has gone from the ideas to the person. 1926. judithathome - 1/6/2002 10:17:36 AM ...and not the loopy right? C'mon..... 1927. CalGal - 1/6/2002 10:28:04 AM There is no equivalent to the loopy left on the right. I'm talking about Michael Moore, the Nation, and the like. The regulars on TNR's Idiot Watch and National Republic's Kumbaya Watch. 1928. judithathome - 1/6/2002 11:00:54 AM Ralph Reid, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Richard Schaife...these guys aren't loopy? 1929. slackjaw - 1/6/2002 11:10:38 AM Well Judith, there's loopy and then there's loopy. Are the folks on your list sound thinking, unbiased deliberators? No, but their problems are different from those of the pudding heads on the left. Thus it is sensible to describe their problems with different words, and "loopy" & "something other than loopy" is as good a choice as any. 1930. CalGal - 1/6/2002 11:15:28 AM Slackjaw has it exactly right. As usual. 1931. Rama - 1/6/2002 11:52:17 AM I imagine you're being sarcastic, but "bashing" usually suggests the attack has gone from the ideas to the person. 1932. wonkers2 - 1/6/2002 12:37:25 PM How about loonie? 1933. bubbaette - 1/6/2002 5:14:57 PM I nominate Pat Buchanan for the loopy right. He's been doing the talk show circuit, flacking his book about how us white folks of European descent need to start having us some babies so's were not overrun by 3rd world types. That there's Klan talk. 1934. arkymalarky - 1/6/2002 6:13:59 PM Idiots and lunatics come in all flavors, just like vanilla, strawberry, and fudge ripple--it's still ice cream, they're still loopy. 1935. CalGal - 1/6/2002 9:38:18 PM Klan talk has isn't loopy. You apparently didn't read what Slack said. 1936. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 11:43:29 AM Bubba, 1937. bubbaette - 1/7/2002 11:55:23 AM Pat Buchanan's Klan isn't loopy? I suppose that may be a matter or definition. Buchanan's screed could be defined as xenophobic or racist in an Aryan Nations sort of way rather than loopy. But I don't particularly feel bound by Slackjaw's prounouncment either way. 1938. bubbaette - 1/7/2002 11:57:09 AM That should be "Klan talk". 1939. CalGal - 1/7/2002 12:00:23 PM But I don't particularly feel bound by Slackjaw's prounouncment either way. 1940. bubbaette - 1/7/2002 12:12:25 PM Scuse me? I don't see a definition of loopy in Slackjaw's post above nor do I see any attempt at one -- just that the issues of the folks Judith would call "loopy" are not the same as what he considers the "loopy" left so he would use a different term. Frankly, my dictionary doesn't contain a definition of the word loopy. However, in order to make you happy, Cal, I will define Falwell, Robertson, Scaife, and Buchanan as the "craven loony" right rather than loopy. 1941. concerned - 1/7/2002 12:12:44 PM Environmental Corruption: A Cascade of Lies 1942. judithathome - 1/7/2002 12:14:53 PM Just what word is it she is supposed to not understand? Loopy? I don't think Slackjaw declared his definition as the be-all and end-all of the matter... 1943. bubbaette - 1/7/2002 12:15:03 PM So how bout your ol buddy Ken Lay -- friend of GWB, Concerned? I figured you'd be writing letters and influencing public opinion to demand an investigation of the Enron fraud and Bush's links to it. Haven't heard much from you on that score -- guess you'd rather focus on folks who aren't in public office right now. 1944. judithathome - 1/7/2002 12:15:47 PM x-post with Bubbaette 1945. concerned - 1/7/2002 12:20:15 PM Re. 1943 - 1946. CalGal - 1/7/2002 12:26:11 PM Okay, here's the definition of loopy, since you all don't seem to know: "crazy, bizarre" 1947. concerned - 1/7/2002 12:33:28 PM Spending a ton of money to get Clinton out of office is not loopy. 1948. concerned - 1/7/2002 12:34:44 PM ...a whiff... 1949. CalGal - 1/7/2002 1:23:26 PM When the Big Paycheck Is Hers 1950. concerned - 1/7/2002 1:26:43 PM Such a discrepancy is to be expected, whatever the sex, age, ethnic background, etc. of the one with the greater income. 1951. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 1:26:45 PM Wow, that's interesting. 1952. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 1:27:58 PM I find it extremely interesting that 68 of women in my income bracket earn more than their husbands. Wonder why that is? 1953. judithathome - 1/7/2002 1:34:29 PM Maybe the husbands are just in it for the financial rewards? 1954. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 1:44:24 PM I feel like doing an informal poll...then I realize that I don't know many women earning six figures who are married! 1955. concerned - 1/7/2002 1:47:30 PM Re. 1954 - 1956. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 1:49:02 PM I know! I know! 1957. judithathome - 1/7/2002 1:51:39 PM Speaking of Social Issues, some fool on CNN was just interviewed saying she was supporting Andrea Yates in her time of need because "she is a woman and I am a woman and if women don't support other women, what sort of women must they be?" 1958. judithathome - 1/7/2002 1:53:52 PM All that talent being flushed out of the gene pool... 1959. concerned - 1/7/2002 2:02:10 PM Call me a selfish pig, if you want, but I've invested nearly all my savings in a house (that is my primary residence) I had built on a fairly substantial property in an suburban area near Chicago that is among the most rapidly developing at present, and is expected to be even more so over the next twenty years, so I expect this property to appreciate by several hundreds of thousands of dollars over the next decade. 1960. CalGal - 1/7/2002 2:03:29 PM then I realize that I don't know many women earning six figures who are married 1961. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 2:27:09 PM What do you mean? 1962. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 2:27:43 PM A prenup is a good idea, IMO. 1963. judithathome - 1/7/2002 2:34:01 PM Probably in personality type and such... 1964. CalGal - 1/7/2002 2:36:15 PM Well, suppose you tracked women separately by marital status, parental status, and income. I think six figure women would profile more reliably by income. 1965. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 2:38:26 PM We had a woman from my office babysit for us this weekend. She's in A/R, is under 30, is divorced with two small children (a girl, 3 and a boy, 7 months). 1966. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 2:39:24 PM them=him. Simon. 1967. CalGal - 1/7/2002 2:41:21 PM I think that's probably true of men, too, btw. Most concerns of people making less than $75K are driven by their lack of income. That concern will take a different shape based on whether you are married with two incomes, single with one, a parent worried about public schools and child care costs, and so on. 1968. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 2:42:43 PM Oh, I left out the part about making babies. The little girl wants to marry a prince and have babies. 1969. christipeters - 1/7/2002 2:50:29 PM concerned (re: post #1959) - In many states, property owned prior to the marriage is not considered community property if the couple divorces. However, I would never remarry without a pre-nup. 1970. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 2:51:23 PM What if you own a home and refinance? Seems like it would cloud the issue. I'd play it safe with a pre-nup. 1971. CalGal - 1/7/2002 2:54:53 PM would I be considered negatively by the average woman if I went for a prenup protecting my retirement investment? 1972. concerned - 1/7/2002 2:56:52 PM Thanks for the responses, all. I've been living here for almost a year, and this potential wrinkle just occurred to me. 1973. judithathome - 1/7/2002 2:59:10 PM Erin, if your son likes to play with this little girl and they get along well, I doubt her hopes and dreams for what will be a considerable number of years hence will taint him now. He can probably safely play with her without being hornswoggled into marriage by what is obviously a little gold digger. 1974. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 3:03:27 PM Yes, not worth worrying about now, but still. SAHMommying is very big here. 1975. judithathome - 1/7/2002 3:27:28 PM Well, she IS only three.... 1976. judithathome - 1/7/2002 3:28:46 PM Plus how many Disney cartoons are made nowadays with the heroine as a corporate mover and shaker? 1977. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 3:35:06 PM There ought to be some. 1978. concerned - 1/7/2002 3:36:18 PM How many Disney cartoons were ever made with the protagonist as a corporate mover and shaker? 1979. judithathome - 1/7/2002 3:45:33 PM Three is not too young to learn that she should be prepared to take care of herself someday. 1980. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 3:48:37 PM As I said, three is not too young to learn that she needs to take care of herself when she grows up. It doesn't need to be a dreary thought. 1981. concerned - 1/7/2002 3:53:58 PM I hear there's some very nice chateaus in France and thereabouts available with some very reasonable asking prices. 1982. judithathome - 1/7/2002 3:54:10 PM Really? You don't think seeing little girls dressed like Britnay Spears and knowing about what "sexy" is at age 6 or 7 is growing up too fast? 1983. concerned - 1/7/2002 3:55:19 PM Sexy is as sexy does. 1984. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 3:57:48 PM I don't think it's more damaging or scandalous than wearing hot pants and halter tops, which I did as a kid. 1985. judithathome - 1/7/2002 4:09:36 PM Funny, I could have sworn I knew what we were talking about. 1986. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 4:12:04 PM Your talking about growing up in the context of sex. I'm talking about taking responsibility for one's financial well being. 1987. judithathome - 1/7/2002 4:21:35 PM I was talking about that being one aspect of it because you said you disagreed with me that kids grow up too fast. I think they do, whether it be the sexual aspect of it OR the aspect of which you were speaking, the need to know at age three that they will have to take care of themselves. 1988. Shannon - 1/7/2002 4:28:16 PM I don't think it's more damaging or scandalous than wearing hot pants and halter tops, which I did as a kid 1989. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 4:30:59 PM Well, you changed the subject, after you said that children grow up too fast, when I thought we were talking about financial responsibility. 1990. judithathome - 1/7/2002 4:34:19 PM Erin, I am well know for being flighty when it comes to subjects... 1991. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 4:35:55 PM Yes...sluttily short shorts...platform shoes...halter tops made out of little more than a couple of handkerchiefs tied together. 1992. CalGal - 1/7/2002 4:45:03 PM When I was ten or so, I wore halter tops and hot pants. The age for that has dropped a bit, but not all that much. 1993. judithathome - 1/7/2002 4:46:27 PM I was speaking of little girls wearing provocative clothing at earlier and earlier ages... 1994. CalGal - 1/7/2002 4:48:53 PM As I just said, the age has dropped a bit. So has everything else. There's no more reason to wear sexy clothes at 9 or 10 than there is at 6. 1995. bubbaette - 1/7/2002 4:49:35 PM I don't have kids, so maybe I'm clueless here, but I don't recall having conversations about what I want to be when I grow up until I was a bit older. 1996. concerned - 1/7/2002 5:05:59 PM I have a number of nieces and nephews - my sisters and their husbands (no divorces in my family, thank god - and only one of them is 'religious') apparently feel comfortable in encouraging their imaginations. 1997. Åse - 1/7/2002 5:07:08 PM I remember long long long ago when I was a girl I mentioned to my mom that I could marry rich and I wouldn't have to do anything. Mother was not amused and told me in no uncertain terms that that kind of attitude was not acceptable. 1998. Snowowl - 1/7/2002 5:16:26 PM So a 3 year old wants to grow up and be a princess. Big deal. Most 3 year olds believe in Santa Claus as well. 1999. CalGal - 1/7/2002 5:19:08 PM hahaha! 2000. judithathome - 1/7/2002 5:19:11 PM That was my thought earlier... 2001. arkymalarky - 1/7/2002 5:56:16 PM Hahaha! I think "loopy has been pretty well illustrated by the one who wants to make an argument out of the definition. What a riot! 2002. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 6:01:11 PM I was 12 when I went to Hearst's Castle in San Simeon, CA. I threw a penny over my left shoulder and wished that I would marry a Hearst. 2003. Shannon - 1/7/2002 6:03:20 PM I'm a little annoyed at how soon kids' clothing turns trendy. Not revealing, per se, but I just get bugged when the clothes for my 2YO looks just like clothes for 12YO's. Now, I fully admit that there will come a time when my kids WANT to wear what the 12YO's are wearing, but I don't think it's as soon as the marketers are making it out to be. And as long as they're too young to express interest in their own clothing, I'm going to dress them like little kids. 2004. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 6:04:21 PM As I said, three is not too young to learn that she needs to take care of herself when she grows up. 2005. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 6:07:21 PM In England, the shoe stores sold high heels for four year olds. Not wedge heels or slipper shoes, I'm talking HIGH HEELS. 2006. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 6:08:38 PM I don't think I ever said the mother or daughter are skanks. I think the mother is a nice person, just married too young and not being taught that she'll grow up and have to take care of herself. 2007. judithathome - 1/7/2002 6:09:08 PM But I don't think that short shorts or halter tops automatically fall into that catetgory. 2008. CalGal - 1/7/2002 6:09:24 PM The issue isn't that three year olds enjoy fantasies, it's the direction the fantasies take, and why. 2009. CalGal - 1/7/2002 6:10:04 PM Should have said girls and boys choose the easiest path to riches. 2010. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 6:11:20 PM Jen, that is why we drill our values into our kids! They may be too young to understand the intricacies of working and supporting oneself, but the mother can at least start to lay a foundation. 2011. Shannon - 1/7/2002 6:14:56 PM My big moment of mom setting me straight was when I told her I couldn't be a doctor because I was a girl. I think I was around 6 at the time. 2012. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 6:15:26 PM Erin, 2013. CalGal - 1/7/2002 6:16:48 PM What's ironic is that the same people who don't see anything wrong with girls wanting to marry princes decry the notion that little girls should be wearing "sexy" clothes. Uh, cause and effect, maybe? Girls are just allowed more leeway to compete these days at an earlier age. 2014. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 6:17:02 PM No. It's not that different than teaching "please" and "thank you." 2015. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 6:24:20 PM CalGal, 2016. judithathome - 1/7/2002 6:25:34 PM What's ironic is that the same people who don't see anything wrong with girls wanting to marry princes decry the notion that little girls should be wearing "sexy" clothes. Uh, cause and effect, maybe 2017. Shannon - 1/7/2002 6:27:04 PM I hardly think telling a 3-year-old something like "Maybe you can buy your own castle" is turning her into an adult too fast. 2018. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 6:27:52 PM CalGal, 2019. CalGal - 1/7/2002 6:27:56 PM Jen, 2020. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 6:31:02 PM All children have dreams of being other people or having things they don't have like magic carpets, big deal! 2021. CalGal - 1/7/2002 6:34:36 PM I said I didn't think they needed to be indoctrinated so young into becoming bread winners. 2022. Absensia - 1/7/2002 6:34:49 PM How about this fairy tale? 2023. Erin R. - 1/7/2002 6:37:43 PM Hoping to grow up to be president is not in the same league as hoping you grow up to marry someone. 2024. Snowowl - 1/7/2002 6:38:39 PM I fail to see how fantasising about marrying a prince is expressing an adult desire. Most, if not all, the adults I know are well aware of the difference between fantasy and reality and believe that they are going to marry princes no more than they believe they are about to grow wings and fly. 2025. CalGal - 1/7/2002 6:39:24 PM I can honestly picture you ripping a doll out of a child's hand and lecturing her on why Barbie is bad, and then suggesting she carry a briefcase instead to learn autonomy and project an elevated sense of self at the ripe old age of two. 2026. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 6:39:39 PM CalGal, 2027. CalGal - 1/7/2002 6:40:42 PM I fail to see how fantasising about marrying a prince is expressing an adult desire. 2028. Snowowl - 1/7/2002 6:43:19 PM Good grief. Do you really think a 3 year old understands anything about marriage at all? Of course they don't. They want to marry princes because they've heard fairy tales. Fairy tales are not reality. 2029. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 6:43:53 PM Personal, inaccurate and dishonest? 2030. CalGal - 1/7/2002 6:46:06 PM Most boys want to be president, should we discourage them from dreaming that too?? 2031. judithathome - 1/7/2002 6:46:47 PM Is a boy being "indoctrinated" if he says he wants to be a fireman 2032. judithathome - 1/7/2002 6:49:14 PM Do you understand the difference between wanting to make your own fortune and wanting to sell yourself to get one? One is much easier than the other, and doesn't require working for a living. 2033. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 6:49:50 PM But CalGal, 2034. CalGal - 1/7/2002 6:50:50 PM Do you really think a 3 year old understands anything about marriage at all? Of course they don't. They want to marry princes because they've heard fairy tales. 2035. Shannon - 1/7/2002 6:52:07 PM I suspect that for just about everyone here, there are some things that you'd comment upon if your 3YO said them, to hell with "let them have their fantasies" once it interferes with your prinicples. Which is as it should be. 2036. judithathome - 1/7/2002 6:52:39 PM and what they want to do is make a way better marriage than mommy did and sell themselves for a lot more. 2037. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 6:55:27 PM They know that marriage is what mommies and daddies do. They know that daddies work and lots of mommies don't. 2038. CalGal - 1/7/2002 6:56:26 PM A three year old boy expressing the desire to be a fireman isn't thinking of the paycheck, I'd be willing to bet. 2039. CalGal - 1/7/2002 6:57:38 PM I know at three I was certainly thinking that way. 2040. judithathome - 1/7/2002 7:02:24 PM Cal, it is well known that you have contempt for women who don't work and for people who struggle to live on less than you make but I can assure people of all strata in society can actually be happy. Most if not all of your arguments assume you are right in your assumptions about everyone but I can tell you, you are not. Sorry for getting personal. Have a nice night. 2041. judithathome - 1/7/2002 7:03:45 PM You were if you fantasized about marrying someone rich. 2042. Jenerator - 1/7/2002 7:04:14 PM CalGal, 2043. CalGal - 1/7/2002 7:11:04 PM it is well known that you have contempt for women who don't work and for people who struggle to live on less than you make 2044. judithathome - 1/7/2002 7:29:46 PM This is untrue. If you are going to restate my opinions, do it accurately. Otherwise, retract. 2045. wonkers2 - 1/7/2002 11:13:49 PM Cap'n Dirty sez, "Sounds ter me like them wimmen need a ride they'll never fergit on the Tomater Sloop. The Cap'n's always ready to fill the void in their lives, so ter speak." 2046. mgleason - 1/8/2002 12:22:33 AM Yikes, fantasies aren't what they used to be. I had seven imaginary children by the time I was three, no husband, and a house in a town called Juventud (Youth), which, as my family painfully realized after a while, contained no adults. My career choices included ballerina, nun, globe-trotting writer, and archaeologist (all requiring spinsterhood). 2047. ycmeehan - 1/8/2002 4:06:12 AM One is much easier than the other, and doesn't require working for a living. 2048. iiibbb - 1/8/2002 7:28:47 AM When I pretended to be anything when I was a kid it wasn't because of fame or admiration... it was because I thought doing a particular thing would be fun or cool... plus there's the big-toy aspect. I like big trucks... being a fireman would allow me to be around big trucks. 2049. iiibbb - 1/8/2002 7:30:42 AM you sound normal to me mgleason. 2050. bubbaette - 1/8/2002 9:30:03 AM AAACCCK! I live in a ranch house in a suburban neighborhood -- all of a sudden I realize that my life is shit and it's too late to do anything about it. I have squandered my opportunities to become a CEO or movie star and instead live modestly in a ticky tacky little house with a man I love who could (should the need arise) support me. And to think that I never even knew how miserable I am until now. I obviously spent too much time as a youngster playing house and reading fairy tales. 2051. Jenerator - 1/8/2002 10:15:47 AM Yeah, well I'm still hurt that I didn't marry a Hearst! 2052. judithathome - 1/8/2002 11:02:15 AM Not me...I wanted a bean stalk. 2053. mgleason - 1/8/2002 11:04:25 AM Jen was thinking in terms of soup, J. ;-) 2054. Erin R. - 1/8/2002 11:04:55 AM I wanted to live in a big house and make lots of money. I never fantasized about having kids or getting married, or even going to the senior prom. 2055. judithathome - 1/8/2002 11:35:59 AM I wanted to travel the world and see different places and I wanted to own a horse like Trigger and I wanted to fall in love with a handsome man and I wanted to collect dinosaur bones. 2056. Åse - 1/8/2002 11:58:49 AM I wanted to be a fairy queen who could fly, and an adventurer, and I always saved my man from hair-raisingly difficult situations swooping in on my horse. 2057. wonkers2 - 1/8/2002 2:52:24 PM I wanted either to be a chemical engineer like my father or a cowboy like my maternal uncles and cousins. But it turned out that I was lousy at chemistry and math and my mother's brothers got the ranch. I fell in love with a beautiful blonde in the 5th grade but she moved to Venezuela and was never heard from again. I still haven't gotten over that one. 2058. Erin R. - 1/8/2002 3:00:57 PM Actually, the house is not all that big. I don't think a house can qualify as "big" unless it's at least 3,000 square feet. 2059. judithathome - 1/8/2002 3:11:05 PM The point is, you have A HOUSE and I would assume you like it, right? ;-) 2060. Erin R. - 1/8/2002 3:21:03 PM Oh, yes. 2061. CalGal - 1/8/2002 3:21:43 PM I don't think there is any correlation between fantasies and outcome, nor was I suggesting that. My sister played mommy with her dolls and invented husbands who would work and take care of her; it didn't interfere with her from having a successful business. 2062. Jenerator - 1/8/2002 3:53:16 PM Everything boils down to money for you, doesn't it. 2063. christipeters - 1/8/2002 4:07:50 PM Yep. 2064. christipeters - 1/8/2002 4:08:37 PM Uh, that "yep" was to CalGal's post #2061 2065. Wombat - 1/8/2002 4:11:18 PM Wombino (5) wants to be a fire-fighting paleontologist 2066. thoughtful - 1/8/2002 4:11:35 PM Perhaps this true story will shed some light on this topic of discussion. 2067. thoughtful - 1/8/2002 4:16:47 PM christip...SAHM? 2068. judithathome - 1/8/2002 4:24:15 PM Stay At Home Mom. 2069. thoughtful - 1/8/2002 4:28:59 PM hah! I was thinking single amorphous hermaphroditic moll. But hay, what do I know? 2070. judithathome - 1/8/2002 4:30:11 PM Well, some might say a SAHM is about as weird as what you envisioned. 2071. Erin R. - 1/8/2002 4:32:40 PM Some might say about WOHMs, especially if they are the breadwinners, and not just working at some cute little job for "extra" money. 2072. judithathome - 1/8/2002 4:38:05 PM not just working at some cute little job for "extra" money. 2073. thoughtful - 1/8/2002 4:38:37 PM My MIL was a SAHM...never had a social security number til she went to collect. She was fortunate that she had a husband who supported her most comfortably all her life, especially as her vision and hearing deteriorated (could no longer drive at about 40). Her life consisted of attending womens' clubs with other faculty wives, watching her figure, dressing properly for each occasion, cooking, cleaning and entertaining. So out of touch with a working woman's life that she once said to me that the hardest thing about working must be deciding what to wear in the morning! 2074. Erin R. - 1/8/2002 4:44:58 PM They shouldn't be shot, but they should have a bit more respect for themselves and the paid work they do than to consider it "extra" money. 2075. CalGal - 1/8/2002 4:45:14 PM Volunteer organizations, public schools, all sorts of social constructs benefited from their free labor. In fact, you could probably demonstrate that the social value of a SAHM was greater than her parental value--society has suffered more from women working than any individual woman's children. 2076. judithathome - 1/8/2002 4:52:39 PM CalGal, I think you are overreacting to an innocuous remark I made...I said "Some might say..." If you choose to think I meant you, when god knows there are MANY around who think that, then that is your problem and just a tad paranoid or conceited, I don't know which. 2077. CalGal - 1/8/2002 4:56:54 PM If you choose to think I meant you, when god knows there are MANY 2078. judithathome - 1/8/2002 5:03:19 PM Hey, big surprise! I don't speak they way you prefer...I don't think the way you prefer...I am not one of your favorite people. 2079. Snowowl - 1/8/2002 5:26:40 PM I find this a strange argument in many ways. We're all reliant on others in some ways for our income - as employees, or as self-employed. If we couldn't have kids until we could provide for them without reliance on others there would be very few people in the world who could ever have kids. 2080. christipeters - 1/8/2002 5:31:54 PM Actually, there was a time when I would have loved to be a SAHM. 2081. Erin R. - 1/8/2002 5:36:04 PM We are reliant on many others to rear our children, but when you come down to it, the buck stops with mom and dad. If something happens to mom or dad, and the remaining parent is not prepared to provide for the child(ren), then the child suffers unneccessarily because one parent decided to procreate before they could provide for their children. 2082. CalGal - 1/8/2002 5:37:44 PM We're all reliant on others in some ways for our income - as employees, or as self-employed. 2083. CalGal - 1/8/2002 5:42:12 PM I think in many cases that impact is overstated because of the skewed socioeconomic perspective of the people looking at the issue. 2084. christipeters - 1/8/2002 5:52:31 PM However, being prepared to hold a full-time, high-paying, away from home job is not the only way to provide for your children. 2085. christipeters - 1/8/2002 5:53:58 PM #2084 was in reply to #2081 (I'm still having access prolems at work and no access from home) 2086. CalGal - 1/8/2002 5:58:53 PM I completely agree with 2084--with one caveat. It's not only a matter of maintaining a skillset, but the lost income. Lost SocSec income, lost retirement income, and the like. Once that is assured, I agree that skillset can be maintained. 2087. christipeters - 1/8/2002 6:14:47 PM I want to point out (again) that maintaining a skillset is not the only option. 2088. CalGal - 1/8/2002 6:28:48 PM "skillset" in what sense? It's the way most people maintain the ability to provide an income stream. Are there other ways of ensuring an income stream, short of skillset of some sort or relying on someone else? The lottery, I suppose. 2089. Jenerator - 1/8/2002 8:07:09 PM Erin, 2090. CalGal - 1/8/2002 8:11:18 PM If one parent dies in an car crash, was that parent irresponsible? 2091. Jenerator - 1/8/2002 8:27:05 PM Or maybe he'll want to be with them given that their mother just died. 2092. CalGal - 1/8/2002 8:29:22 PM That's a luxury he can choose if he finds it important. Maybe he can afford it, maybe he can't. But it's not essential to the well-being of the children, so if he can't afford that choice it's not a failure to provide for his children. 2093. christipeters - 1/9/2002 9:39:11 AM "Are there other ways of ensuring an income stream" 2094. CalGal - 1/11/2002 10:53:17 AM Right not to be born 2096. judithathome - 1/11/2002 11:27:27 AM If they enacted it here, the country would be bankrupt in months. 2097. CalGal - 1/11/2002 11:35:34 AM The country wouldn't be. The mother would be the one sued, in this country. Which wouldn't do much good, of course, but maybe it would make more of them abort. 2098. judithathome - 1/11/2002 11:37:23 AM Well, it's moot, anyhow...never happen here. (Did you see my suggestion about linking to the front Topics of Interest in Movies?) 2099. CalGal - 1/11/2002 11:43:56 AM Why not? We're the most sue-happy nation on the planet. 2100. judithathome - 1/11/2002 11:48:10 AM I wasn't implying it wouldn't happen here because people are loathe to sue...I meant because such a law would never be tolerated by the right because it would encourage abortion. 2101. Jenerator - 1/11/2002 11:59:24 AM Put people in jail if they knowingly have a baby that will be severely disabled, rather than have an abortion. 2102. CalGal - 1/11/2002 12:17:22 PM Probably won't, but I don't see what's "thankful" about it. The severely disabled kid, growing up deaf, blind, epileptic, and profoundly retarded won't be thanking you, either. 2103. judithathome - 1/11/2002 12:24:59 PM I know there is more than the right in this country. But seldom has the right had such an enthusiastic cheerleader in the highest office in the land. 2104. CalGal - 1/11/2002 12:32:34 PM He's not even the most enthusiastic cheerleader of the past 20 years. Besides, presidents don't set abortion policy. 2105. judithathome - 1/11/2002 12:36:53 PM Maybe not, but he has a little influence, wouldn't you say? Besides, he sets the tone for his party and he has the publics support...something like the highest approval rating in the history of the office? And he brings the nominees for the Supreme Court forward, doesn't he? 2106. CalGal - 1/11/2002 12:43:59 PM Not much influence. And if I had made this post with Gore as president, you still would have complained about some other power on the right. Isn't it possible to discuss an issue without complaining about the right? Do you have any views on this that aren't just badly veiled bitching about Republicans? 2107. Jenerator - 1/11/2002 12:54:03 PM I remember reading about conservative justices versus liberal justices in one of my poli-sci classes. 2108. judithathome - 1/11/2002 1:00:01 PM Do you even TRY to read what I write? Jesus, I wasn't bitching about the right...I was making a statement of fact. I wasn't trying to engage you in a pissing contest, Cal. I was attempting to have a civil discussion with you. 2109. ronski - 1/11/2002 1:40:12 PM Jen, 2110. christipeters - 1/11/2002 1:56:22 PM ??? 2111. judithathome - 1/11/2002 2:01:49 PM Some doctors said they feared they would have to encourage pregnant women to have abortions rather than risk lawsuits. 2112. Jenerator - 1/11/2002 2:16:09 PM Check yer mail, you Ft. Worthian, you. 2113. christipeters - 1/11/2002 2:25:50 PM As far as the cost and burden to society of discouraging people from aborting fetuses which are expected to be severely disabled and/or retarded - 2114. christipeters - 1/11/2002 2:28:20 PM I wonder if society is the poorer because Steven Hawkings mother didn't abort him? 2115. judithathome - 1/11/2002 2:29:56 PM Are you talking to me, Christi? Because I am not promoting more abortions... 2116. Rama - 1/11/2002 2:30:24 PM I think this is an excellent idea; how odd that the French would think of it first. 2117. CalGal - 1/11/2002 2:32:07 PM I wasn't trying to engage you in a pissing contest, Cal. 2118. Snowowl - 1/11/2002 2:37:49 PM He does have ALS, which developed while he was at University. 2119. CalGal - 1/11/2002 2:42:14 PM Rama, I don't think the idea of suing the doctors is a good one--although it seems to me the doctor was negligent here. 2120. Ms. No - 1/11/2002 2:52:49 PM Then what you do is legalize suicide and assisted suicide not turn around and start suing your parents because you think you've got a lousy life. 2121. christipeters - 1/11/2002 2:53:40 PM Judith - 2122. christipeters - 1/11/2002 2:55:44 PM Judith - If a post of mine isn't addressed, it is to the board and the discussion in general. 2123. christipeters - 1/11/2002 2:58:45 PM CalGal - "What interests me is the notion that a parent migth have a responsibility to choose an abortion, that an infant has the "right" not to be born in certain situations" 2124. Ms. No - 1/11/2002 3:01:18 PM If it can be proven that negligence or ineptitude on the part of the doctors caused the problem then fine---that falls under malpractice, but I don't hold at all with being able to sue because life hands you a raw deal. 2125. CalGal - 1/11/2002 3:07:22 PM What appalls me is the notion that you can KNOW, as my examples of my brother and his child show. 2126. Ms. No - 1/11/2002 3:20:35 PM CG, 2127. CalGal - 1/11/2002 3:39:57 PM It's nothing to do with punching someone to be pissed off about it. You're focusing on the lawsuit aspect, which is largely irrelevant. 2128. Jenerator - 1/11/2002 3:54:48 PM The issue is whether or not there are objective standards by which it 2129. Ms. No - 1/11/2002 3:58:04 PM Of course it has to do with the lawsuit otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. If you want to personally hold someone responsible that's your business but if we're going to pass a law then it's everybody's business. Holding someone personally ethically responsible for things does not walk hand in had with whether they are legally responsible for their acts and thereby punishable for them. 2130. Jenerator - 1/11/2002 4:03:29 PM But Ms. No, what about all of those poeple born legless, armless, headless, and have seizures? 2131. CalGal - 1/11/2002 4:05:12 PM There are not objective standards, and there never will be. 2132. CalGal - 1/11/2002 4:09:53 PM Of course it has to do with the lawsuit otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. 2133. Jenerator - 1/11/2002 4:11:48 PM I never brought up the "murder argument" CalGal, you're being disingenuous and changing the subject. Furthermore, no standards can exist in this issue, because it is such an impassioned one. People will not be able to agree on what constitutes an "agonizing" life, and who should decide anyway? I mean, will doctors have a checklist for the person born looking for certain diseases and conditions? If the criteria is met then legal proceedings continue. 2134. Jenerator - 1/11/2002 4:15:48 PM Lastly, christipeters said what we're all probably thinking, doctors are mistaken a lot of the time concerning conditions in the womb. I know someone whose amniocentesis "said" that the baby would have Down Syndrome with 100% certainty, and the doctor tried to convince her to abort. 2135. Ms. No - 1/11/2002 4:42:12 PM CG, 2136. Jenerator - 1/11/2002 4:51:00 PM Why not sue the father, he helped to make the disabled person. 2137. Ms. No - 1/11/2002 4:57:52 PM Jen, 2138. Shannon - 1/11/2002 5:05:28 PM On another note (not that the current discussion isn't interesting), there was an article about this in our paper today. I find it very intriguing in light of our school situation--race is extremely important here, where we're under long-term court supervision. 2139. wonkers2 - 1/11/2002 5:08:10 PM Jenerator, I know a case with precisely the opposite result. The doctor didn't advise abortion or allow a severely handicapped baby (way beyond Downs Syndrome) to die a natural death. Eight years later they are still caring for a human vegetable, blind, deaf and almost without a brain. I forget what the baby's rare defect is called. The result, much misery for the parents and for the two normal older sibiling. 2140. CalGal - 1/11/2002 5:22:51 PM I never brought up the "murder argument" 2141. CalGal - 1/11/2002 5:28:13 PM But she didn't cause the harm, she simply didn't choose to kill a harmed person. 2142. CalGal - 1/11/2002 6:00:46 PM Shannon, 2143. Shannon - 1/11/2002 6:12:33 PM I don't know. I do think that income-based tweaking is more sensible than racial tweaking. Having gone to college with lots of clueless rich kids, I can't say there's no value in having kids exposed to people from other classes. I don't know if it was mentioned in the article I liked, but the article in my paper pointed out that Cambridge only has one high school, so the kids are all going to be thrown together then anyway. And really, if this is true: 2144. Shannon - 1/11/2002 6:27:36 PM Here's the story that I read in the paper 2145. CalGal - 1/11/2002 6:28:58 PM I do think that income-based tweaking is more sensible than racial tweaking. 2146. Shannon - 1/11/2002 6:33:26 PM Good points, CalGal. I was doing some searches to find that AP article, and I came upon something in an educational journal about how teachers may need to adjust their techniques somewhat to avoid having a class where the middle class/rich kids end up being the smart ones who always overshadow the poor ones. 2147. joezan - 1/11/2002 6:38:37 PM I agree with Cal - it's a fabulous idea, this concept of the I never asked to be born lawsuit. 2148. CalGal - 1/11/2002 6:42:33 PM And of course, a lot of this goes back to the ugly unmentionable: what if the reason upper income kids tend to do better than lower income kids is because the average IQ of the first is higher than that of the latter? What if the middle class/rich kids are, on average, smarter? 2149. CalGal - 1/11/2002 6:45:51 PM Joe--I've said three times now that I'm not talking about the lawsuit aspect. Don't know how many more times I have to say it before it sinks in. 2150. Absensia - 1/11/2002 7:39:29 PM There are some interesting cases on wrongful life 2151. Absensia - 1/11/2002 7:41:47 PM I read what you said, Cal. : ) These suits, are without fail, against drug companies, doctors acting negligently, etc., and are in areas where the children are profoundly affected. Otherwise, the courts are unanimous in saying "no, we won't encourage parents in saying "no, we didn't really want you." 2152. Absensia - 1/11/2002 7:43:53 PM Shannon, with only one high school in Cambridge, how do private schools do? 2153. CalGal - 1/11/2002 8:11:41 PM Otherwise, the courts are unanimous in saying "no, we won't encourage parents in saying "no, we didn't really want you." 2154. CalGal - 1/11/2002 8:12:01 PM Parent, that is. 2155. CalGal - 1/11/2002 8:18:25 PM Again, it's not a matter of lawsuits, but laws. 2156. Absensia - 1/11/2002 8:52:17 PM Yes, I know what you are talking about....such a law will be greated by the right and Catholic Children's welfare will scream. In the past, at least here, parents have not been able to force an unwilling minor to have an abortion. Interesting theory, Cal. I posted the link to the case because I found some of the comments very interesting and it linked to other recent cases of similar persuasion. This was a 9th circuit court of appeals case, not a state case. 2157. CalGal - 1/11/2002 9:37:11 PM I don't see any links; did I miss them? 2158. Shannon - 1/11/2002 10:02:48 PM Abs, I'm not from Cambridge, so I don't know. I just found the article interesting because here (Baton Rouge) desegregation is a big issue and it's all about race. The deseg case here is, I'm told, the longest-running one in the US. 45 years now, I think, maybe 46. 2159. arkymalarky - 1/11/2002 10:02:52 PM Wrt income integration, that's already done in smaller districts, and those with money do very well. It gives poor students the opportunity to achieve right beside the rich and middle class ones, and academic success of lower income students is not uncommon at all in towns that have one public school and no decent private ones. The influence of the wealthier parents improves the school as a whole and all the students who are motivated, no matter what their economic status, benefit. 2160. LadyChaos - 1/12/2002 3:28:15 PM Hi, folks. Quite a while back, I got ripped by mgleason for criticizing the Miami Cuban community. I thought that this series of letters from the Miami New Times would make for some enjoyable reading for anyone interested in what I would consider to be a very honest overview of the sentiments of Miami Anglos on this matter. 2161. LadyChaos - 1/12/2002 3:29:07 PM Erratum: The heading actually reads "Surely They're Not All Nut Cases, Right?" 2162. mgleason - 1/12/2002 3:48:03 PM And all this proves what? That bigots, including you and Maria Gonzalez, are present in every culture? OK, I agree. 2163. mgleason - 1/12/2002 3:58:00 PM Jerry Falwell. 2164. LadyChaos - 1/14/2002 9:38:08 AM Huh? I'm not the one over the edge, here. This started when I advised another poster not to confuse Cuban-American flag-waving with patriotism. But I never even suggested that I blamed 9/11 on the Cuban-Americans. 2165. mgleason - 1/14/2002 10:11:02 AM You miss my point. The Falwell analogy was meant to indicate that you use your prejudices to assign blame for Miami's problems in much the same manner as the Reverend did when explaining the reasons for 9/11. Long before Cubans acquired any political power, Miami had significant problems with corruption, poverty, and racial tensions. Cubans present an easy target, much as the Irish did in Boston, for example. Are they perfect? No, far from it. They're human and take advantage of having political clout JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I would have thought that you would have more insight into the injustice of blaming an entire group, ethnic or otherwise, but apparently bigotry is acceptable when it's not your own ox being gored. 2166. christipeters - 1/14/2002 1:18:48 PM CalGal - 2167. CalGal - 1/14/2002 1:24:42 PM Christi, you're talking about a late-term pregnancy discovery? Not the same thing at all. 2168. christipeters - 1/14/2002 1:56:08 PM The example of my brother's son, was an early diagnoses as the result of amniocentesis (I have no idea how to spell that) and the odds were 85% that he had a severe problem and the boy is completely normal. 2169. CalGal - 1/14/2002 2:02:27 PM Christi, it wouldn't be forced abortion. Are you sure you'd have the baby, even if it wasn't covered by insurance? Suppose you had two other kids. Would you put their well-being at risk? How could you provide for them, if you were bankrupting yourself by paying for the medical costs of a child who couldn't see, hear, think, or walk? 2170. judithathome - 1/14/2002 2:14:34 PM I had my son at such a young age that I can truthfully say I'd have listened to and believed the doctor and had an abortion if he'd said that. Later in life, I'd have probably been somewhat skeptical but would've done the same, especially after seeing what a mess our lives would've been like if we hadn't had insurance when my son was ill. I can only imagine the expenses entailed in a baby born with problems and parents with no insurance to cover treatment. 2171. CalGal - 1/14/2002 2:43:08 PM I would have had the abortion, I think. 2172. PelleNilsson - 1/14/2002 2:52:20 PM Assume, just for sake of argument, that (a) Lou Gherig's disease is a genetical disorder, and (b) a technique is developed to screen for it in the womb. 2173. judithathome - 1/14/2002 2:59:17 PM Pelle, there are all sorts of "what ifs" we could cite; what if Stephan Hawkings mother had had to work her fingers to the bone to pay for all his medical costs if he'd been stricken with the disease at a very young age and maybe even stinted in his care becasue she could not afford it...and he'd never been able to go to school because of all the financial burden? Would he have been able to develop such a mind without excellent health care and superb schooling? 2174. CalGal - 1/14/2002 3:18:35 PM Then consider the loss to the world if Stephen Hawkin's mother has decided to abort the fetus that was to become him. 2175. judithathome - 1/14/2002 3:19:54 PM Yes, and there goes Woody Guthrie. 2176. CalGal - 1/14/2002 3:23:15 PM And Arlo. 2177. PelleNilsson - 1/14/2002 3:31:16 PM Why should I switch? By the way, I think CigarLaw did some good, too. 2178. CalGal - 1/14/2002 3:36:48 PM But we'd never know what we are missing. Besides, it would work both ways. 2179. CalGal - 1/14/2002 3:38:33 PM Oh, and I was just switching because I wanted to demonstrate that we had that sort of testing now. There are people who don't have children because they know they have the Huntington allele, or gene, or whatever. Also cystic fibrosis. 2180. PelleNilsson - 1/14/2002 4:02:35 PM No we don't know what we lose but we know that we lose something. Again, I generally agree to your line of reasoning but I wanted to problematise (is that an English word?) the issue. When you get into academia you will find that problematising is a virtue there. 2181. CalGal - 1/14/2002 4:12:43 PM I think there are plenty of problematic issues; I am just not convinced that "who might have been born" is one of them. 2182. vw - 1/17/2002 1:43:34 PM If you don't make the penalty severe enough, a certain percentage of women will just shrug off the risk, knowing the state will step in to foot the bill. 2183. rubberducky - 1/17/2002 2:01:03 PM < off-topic > 2184. PelleNilsson - 1/17/2002 3:05:24 PM ducky 2185. Jenerator - 1/17/2002 3:28:21 PM I have been fearing that. I miss Cigarlaw. Our correspondences came to a sudden stop over a year ago, and I haven't been able to find out anything.. 2186. concerned - 1/21/2002 4:16:54 PM Re. 2094 - 2187. betty - 1/24/2002 7:49:18 PM I hate to be the voice of reason here, (really, I do), but do we really want to engage in eugenics and speculation on the potential worth of people's lives. 2188. CalGal - 1/24/2002 7:58:18 PM There's no reason to personalize it. You have no idea how I'd do in Zaire--but in any event, it doesn't matter, because we're here in a civilized world. 2189. betty - 1/24/2002 8:14:31 PM CalGal, 2190. Jenerator - 1/24/2002 8:16:03 PM [clapping as loud as possible.] 2191. arkymalarky - 1/24/2002 8:37:47 PM On the contrary of reflecting incomprehension, I think Betty reflected total comprehension, and her response was clear and on target. 2192. arkymalarky - 1/24/2002 8:49:37 PM WRT the right to parent, having lived among working people whom many would call "poor" most of my life, I've seen many, many, conscientious and involved parents whose children have done much better than children of negligent middle class parents--children who have all the stuff they could ever want in the world except time and attention. 2193. betty - 1/24/2002 8:55:38 PM Gosh, I'm not used to people agreeing with me. 2194. arkymalarky - 1/24/2002 8:56:15 PM BTW, I realize the narrow subject is giving birth to a severely mentally and/or physically deformed child, but the bottom line in the point is which parents get to choose to take that risk after being informed of it by a doctor, and is based solely on the ability to pay for the child's problems, not to care for it. 2195. arkymalarky - 1/24/2002 8:57:46 PM Same here, Betty. I think I came on the scene in the Fray at about the time you left it. I'm aware of your legacy, though. ;-) 2196. betty - 1/24/2002 9:02:46 PM Arky, 2197. bubbaette - 1/24/2002 9:06:52 PM Hiya Betty V. I came into the Fray after you'd left, but I'm enjoying reading your posts. 2198. arkymalarky - 1/24/2002 9:07:44 PM Hahaha. I hadn't thought of it that way. 2199. joezan - 1/25/2002 6:43:21 AM No - this isn't THE Betty V, is it? 2200. judithathome - 1/25/2002 7:43:17 AM If it's not, I like who this one is...welcome (back)! 2201. betty - 1/25/2002 9:00:16 AM joe, 2202. judithathome - 1/25/2002 9:02:42 AM Hmmmmmm.....I'm thinking of Bettys I know and you may be right. Most, if not all, are over 50. 2203. concerned - 1/25/2002 1:26:35 PM From the Arizona Republic: 2204. betty - 1/25/2002 1:36:03 PM 2205. vw - 1/25/2002 2:24:29 PM Why do parents in these situations always recite their kids high grades and social accomplishments like that is either 1) proof that they couldn't possibly be guilty because they are A students and/or 2) somehow above the rules of the school by virtue of their grades? 2206. judithathome - 1/25/2002 2:25:01 PM And they call the people who make these school policies 'liberals'. 2207. vw - 1/25/2002 2:40:17 PM I don't have a problem with rules banning PDAs in school. And I would be willing to wager these kids knew damn well that the school had a rule against PDAs ... they probably didn't think it applied to them (I am an A student and in Student Council) or didn't think at all. 2208. betty - 1/25/2002 2:40:36 PM vw, 2209. betty - 1/25/2002 2:44:14 PM i have a problem with rules that ban hugs or holding hands. not as much with kissing or making out or fucking in the bathroom, but HUGS? Some studies have shown that kids who receive physical affection are less likely to be violent. I love hugs, i want my friends to be able to give me hugs anywhere anytime...at work at school...hugs are not a problem, they don't lead to problems--but not having hugs, i would wager that can and does lead to problems. 2210. vw - 1/25/2002 2:56:57 PM The problem though Betty is that exactly how to you enforce a rule that amounts to one hug is okay but another hug is not? Where exactly is the line between an acceptable hug and one that is not? 2211. vw - 1/25/2002 2:57:48 PM That should be "exactly how DO you enforce". 2213. betty - 1/25/2002 3:18:14 PM vw, 2214. judithathome - 1/25/2002 3:24:00 PM I just hate to see kids punished for overt affection; I'm not talking about teenagers screwing between classes but little kids who still spontaneously hug their friends in glee at being out for recess or because they just feel good. Suddenly, they are told it isn't allowed and they begin to wonder why and if someone breaks out in a hug and gets punished for it, that hug is associated with something wrong and now you have little introverted kids afraid to show emotion. 2215. vw - 1/25/2002 3:37:59 PM I give kids a bit more credit than that. I think most kids are fully capable of understanding that rules are in place because some people don't have enough sense to behave appropriately without them. Therefore everyone must follow the rules. 2216. judithathome - 1/25/2002 3:40:57 PM I should have used a different word than "introvert"...I know they aren't turned into introverts by schooling but I think some might get the idea it's wrong to hug a friend, despite being able to differintiate between rules and obeying such. 2217. theDiva - 1/25/2002 3:48:02 PM Good God, this is rather extreme. 2218. vw - 1/25/2002 4:02:36 PM I do understand your point Judith ... I just don't think the schools have much of a choice. They are constantly threatened with law suits and even when they know that they are going to be cleared, they still have to spend the time and money defending themselves. 2219. christipeters - 1/25/2002 4:07:02 PM I wonder if the school would have acted differently if two girls hugged. Do the cheerleaders who hug each other at the pep rally get in-school intervention? 2220. judithathome - 1/25/2002 4:07:37 PM Oh, I know....here in Texas, parents sued the school for punishing their kids too harshly...the kids smoked on campus and drank at school activities. So they were suspended and denied participation in school activities like cheerleading and football. Too harsh? I don't think so but the parents did. 2221. christipeters - 1/25/2002 4:08:18 PM Yes, I know, just idle speculation. 2222. betty - 1/25/2002 4:08:45 PM Oh, to hug a cheerleader! 2223. christipeters - 1/25/2002 4:08:57 PM 2221 was meant to follow on 2219 2224. vw - 1/25/2002 4:12:38 PM These were rules the kids helped make, by the way. 2225. christipeters - 1/25/2002 4:16:56 PM Actually, I find it hard to believe the school came down that hard on what the kids claim was an "innocent hug" of "a few seconds". Call me skeptical, but I've noticed in my daughter's school that they really do have a modicum of sense when it comes to applying the rules. 2226. christipeters - 1/25/2002 4:18:22 PM Not only do the kids get tired of walking past the "Hallway of Dry Humping" every day, but it's hard to defnd yourself from unwanted attention in that kind of atmosphere. 2227. PelleNilsson - 1/25/2002 4:44:35 PM Hugs banned in schools? Sometimes I don't understand America at all. 2228. arkymalarky - 1/25/2002 5:03:17 PM Neither do Americans, Pelle. It's why we talk about ourselves all the time. 2229. PelleNilsson - 1/25/2002 5:09:05 PM What about universities? There too? 2230. thoughtful - 1/25/2002 5:14:30 PM Pelle, perhaps an insightful comment will help you understand. 2231. AytchMan - 1/25/2002 5:15:41 PM pelle-- 2232. thoughtful - 1/25/2002 5:20:01 PM Or as HL Mencken put it: 2233. CalGal - 1/25/2002 5:25:35 PM What about universities? There too? 2234. PelleNilsson - 1/25/2002 5:27:47 PM That's funny and thoughtful Aytch and thoughtful. Regretfully I have to log out now. 2235. concerned - 1/25/2002 5:29:47 PM Re. 2232 - 2236. AytchMan - 1/25/2002 5:39:19 PM concerned: 2237. Al D - 1/25/2002 5:39:27 PM betty 2238. concerned - 1/25/2002 5:44:30 PM Only in Japan. 2239. Al D - 1/25/2002 5:50:13 PM showed=shoved 2240. betty - 1/25/2002 6:15:54 PM Pelle, 2241. betty - 1/25/2002 6:16:45 PM Pelle, 2242. betty - 1/25/2002 6:19:01 PM Ooops... 2243. Cellar Door - 1/27/2002 10:29:27 AM 2244. vw - 1/28/2002 7:58:52 AM So let me get this right ... to be recognized for any good someone does in any social area they have to be vetted as having "acceptable" opinions on all other social values? 2245. CalGal - 1/28/2002 11:34:36 AM Frankly, I don't think it's the end of the world for people to be clear about their intentions and consent. 2246. bubbaette - 1/28/2002 12:35:44 PM So when do you plan to start? 2247. CalGal - 1/28/2002 12:45:29 PM In my world, we generally assume that women are already grownups. I thought the whole Antioch list was just a college idiocy, but your question implies that some other population of women require a laundry list of consent questions to ensure that then know what they're getting into. 2248. betty - 1/28/2002 2:15:02 PM Calgal, 2249. CalGal - 1/28/2002 3:30:28 PM Betty--do you always make all conversations so personal? Most tedious. 2250. betty - 1/28/2002 4:03:03 PM CalGal, 2251. Jenerator - 1/28/2002 4:36:59 PM [Diva, pass the popcorn.] 2252. bubbaette - 1/28/2002 4:58:18 PM In my world, we generally assume that women are already grownups. 2253. thoughtful - 1/28/2002 5:22:46 PM Jen, any more room in the front row seats? I'm bringing the extra butter. 2254. judithathome - 1/28/2002 5:30:50 PM Cokes are on me.... 2255. Ms. No - 1/28/2002 5:34:41 PM I think it's important to note that the Antioch rules weren't created for adults. They were created for college students, many of them kids fresh out of highschool that we don't even trust to buy beer. 2256. CalGal - 1/28/2002 5:42:19 PM On the other hand, they could just have nasty personalities. 2257. CalGal - 1/28/2002 5:49:44 PM I think it's important to note that the Antioch rules weren't created for adults. 2258. CalGal - 1/28/2002 5:58:02 PM i don't think I said non verbal communication wasn't acceptable for those who are OK with it but NOT everybody is capable of clear decision making in those circumstances. 2259. arkymalarky - 1/28/2002 7:48:02 PM Says one who never had it happen to her, of course. Forcible rape can occur on a date, in case you weren't aware. And no, it hasn't happened to me. I have a dear friend it did happen to, though. If you ever encounter a man physically who catches you off guard, and I hope it never happens to anyone I know, you might discover that it's easier than you might realize for him to overpower you without leaving a mark or without letting you leave a mark on him, I don't care how strong and tough you think you are. 2260. arkymalarky - 1/28/2002 7:48:50 PM 2252 is right on the mark, Bubba. I chalk it up to a personal problem. Kinda sad, really. 2261. Al D - 1/28/2002 10:03:16 PM It is curious to be in the position of agreeing 100% with arguments when perhaps my first blush would be to disagree because of tone of voice. If college students are not adults, please let me know exactly when adulthood takes place. What occurs above reminds me of a group of chickens thinking they have spotted blood and seeing who can get the most. 2262. Ms. No - 1/28/2002 10:21:33 PM CG, 2263. CalGal - 1/28/2002 10:25:01 PM Forcible rape can occur on a date, in case you weren't aware. 2264. Al D - 1/28/2002 10:30:53 PM Ms. No 2265. Ms. No - 1/28/2002 10:35:12 PM AlD, 2266. Ms. No - 1/28/2002 10:39:14 PM CG, 2267. Ms. No - 1/28/2002 10:52:08 PM AlD, 2268. joezan - 1/28/2002 11:00:22 PM Eh... 2269. CalGal - 1/28/2002 11:01:02 PM No, they were created for college students. 2270. CalGal - 1/28/2002 11:30:06 PM Date rape is more accurately called Aquaintance Rape now and the only reason the differentiation came about was because of morons who insisted that a woman couldn't be raped by her husband or her boyfriend or any other man that she willingly associated with. 2271. CalGal - 1/28/2002 11:48:35 PM And Christin, please note the original statement of betty's: 2272. arkymalarky - 1/29/2002 12:01:55 AM Cal, 2273. arkymalarky - 1/29/2002 12:03:28 AM And no, I do not want to examine the nuances of when it is or is not actually rape as opposed to non-consent. 2274. betty - 1/29/2002 6:13:26 AM CalGal, 2275. betty - 1/29/2002 6:13:44 AM Your arguement that "The claim that she was too scared should be rejected on its face, since she was at his apartment." is just stupid...unless you've had some one turn from friend (or lover) to attacker in a moment I don't think you can even begin to understand the fear. 2276. thoughtful - 1/29/2002 9:04:14 AM Al D, #2261, "I have seen demonstrations where a big man tried to get a woman into the position for sex and there was no way he could do it. " 2277. christipeters - 1/29/2002 9:35:43 AM "But when asked why not just use the term "rape" and stress that the legal term has always been used to cover rape committed by acquaintances, the response is that the "no" of acquaintance rape is somehow different from that of stranger rape." 2278. betty - 1/29/2002 9:50:26 AM Christi, 2279. thoughtful - 1/29/2002 10:05:34 AM Based on National Statistics 2280. christipeters - 1/29/2002 10:15:27 AM Betty - Yes, there are rednecks everywhere, but I really think they are thicker on the ground in the Bible Belt. I was raised in Michigan. I've lived in Michigan, Wisconsin, West Virginia, Colorado, Germany, New Mexico, and (now) Texas. I encountered the attitude I described everywhere, but it is ubiquitous here. 2281. betty - 1/29/2002 10:30:54 AM Texas is it's own case ;) 2282. CalGal - 1/29/2002 11:45:02 AM Date rape is rape that occurs on a date. 2283. CalGal - 1/29/2002 11:54:58 AM Also, I know for a fact that parents are legally responsible for children economically until they are 21 as long as they are a full time student (again NYS). 2284. Ms. No - 1/29/2002 12:00:09 PM CalGal, 2285. CalGal - 1/29/2002 12:03:40 PM Christi, 2286. Jenerator - 1/29/2002 12:04:09 PM Bett, 2287. CalGal - 1/29/2002 12:11:02 PM Christin, 2288. CalGal - 1/29/2002 12:12:17 PM Also, Christin, it wasn't my first response to you. We went back and forth several times. My point was that I find any defense of Antioch to be absurd on its face. The only reason I responded at all was because of the claim that college students weren't adults, and was strictly limiting my response to that issue. 2289. CalGal - 1/29/2002 12:17:40 PM Christi, 2290. ChristinO - 1/29/2002 12:50:05 PM CalGal, 2291. CalGal - 1/29/2002 12:58:32 PM Christin, you can do whatever you like, and the "huff" is rather tediously off-topic. I could care less if you respond or not to my other posts. 2292. judithathome - 1/29/2002 1:02:00 PM That's what you always do, Cal...correct everything with which you disagree. You seem to have no tolerance at all for what others think...about rape, policy, the age of consent, socirty in general. 2293. mgleason - 1/29/2002 1:16:37 PM From the National Institute of Justice, The Sexual Victimization of College Women. 2294. christipeters - 1/29/2002 2:40:55 PM "Are you saying that there aren't women who put up a token struggle or say "no" when they have every intention of having sex?" 2295. elliottrw - 1/29/2002 3:17:08 PM Do men lie, cheat, and steal for love? No doubt many of you heard the oft-quoted ratio of 105 newborn boys to newborn girls. Indeed, I read it again this morning in, of all things, an article on PCBs. You may also be aware of the fact that amongst adults, the ratio is flipped, to with women age 18 or older significantly outnumbering men. As it turns outat least in the U.S., men outnumber women well into their 20s. Perhaps coincidentally, men ages 15-24 are arrested 3-5 times as often for various categories of crimes as men 25 and older. At least to me, a causal link seems plausible, if unlikely. Does anyone know of any studies that explore the relationship between crime rates and gender ratio? 2296. Åse - 1/29/2002 3:33:55 PM Haven't seen any. A more plausible one (that I have also seen) is that there first is a clear gender difference in tendency towards aggression (can be read in "Violent Males" - forgot the author, but can be easily found on Amazon). Second, it seems to be linked to being raised by incompetent parents - very often a young single mother (This is from Lykken in a recent American Psychologist). 2297. CalGal - 1/29/2002 3:35:48 PM The smart man takes her at her word as otherwise there is no way to differentiate these idiots from the women who say "no" when they mean NO. 2298. CalGal - 1/29/2002 3:38:21 PM Perhaps coincidentally, men ages 15-24 are arrested 3-5 times as often for various categories of crimes as men 25 and older. 2299. thoughtful - 1/29/2002 3:44:05 PM From the same link in #2279 2300. christipeters - 1/29/2002 4:37:49 PM "I am saying that the burden of proof rises in these situations." 2301. mgleason - 1/29/2002 4:43:32 PM You think that the burden of proof ought to be the same whether the rapist breaks into someone's house or lives there? One rape will likely be much easier to prove than the other. 2302. CalGal - 1/29/2002 4:58:22 PM One rape will likely be much easier to prove than the other. 2303. christipeters - 1/29/2002 5:18:59 PM "What excellent sarcasm. Perhaps you should save it for someone who is arguing that going to an apartment is equivalent to wanting sex. Perhaps you should then take the time to realize that this isn't what I'm saying." 2304. Cellar Door - 1/29/2002 5:26:13 PM 2305. CalGal - 1/29/2002 5:48:28 PM It looks a lot like me that you are saying 'being in the apartment' = 'wanting to have sex'. 2306. Åse - 1/29/2002 5:49:46 PM >Isn't it also possible that the reason men 25 and older aren't arrested for as many crimes is because a good percentage of the ones who would be prone to committing them are already in jail? 2307. mgleason - 1/29/2002 5:57:03 PM A study I read a couple of years ago, when the falling crime rates were all the news, linked the decrease to the relatively low numbers of males in the high-crime age brackets, and predicted an upturn as soon as their ranks increased, right about now. It seems to be coming true. The DOJ also referenced the population dip in some crime stats on its site. 2308. christipeters - 1/29/2002 5:58:09 PM CalGal - crosspost all over the place. I am still having major access problems - probably due to the company firewall and nothing I can do about it although I don't know why it just started in the last couple of months. 2309. CalGal - 1/29/2002 5:58:36 PM You know, I was one who sputtered about that originally. I was really surprised to discover that there is a lot of data supporting it. 2310. christipeters - 1/29/2002 6:17:55 PM Y'know, the timelag while I type my post, copy it to the clipboard, click 'post', wait forever, get the error message "Page cannot be displayed", click refresh, get the page, paste my post back into the posting box, click 'post' again, and sometimes then get it posted and sometimes have to repeat this process several times before I can post - really really really makes it difficult to engage in a conversation!!! 2311. CalGal - 1/29/2002 6:19:16 PM What I have seen is that even if she not only said "no", she fought him, but not to the point of having broken bones and massive bruising - the attitude by police, prosecuters, and juries has been "hey, what did she expect going up to his apartment" (or inviting him into her apartment). 2312. CalGal - 1/29/2002 6:21:02 PM Christi, 2313. christipeters - 1/29/2002 6:59:06 PM CalGal - 2314. Julius Caesar - 1/29/2002 8:20:39 PM Who wants it spelled out? 2315. CalGal - 1/29/2002 8:26:46 PM The real lesson here is that sex with college educated women can be very unsafe 2316. Julius Caesar - 1/29/2002 8:28:25 PM Very saqe advice. But Camille Paglia (look out, Cellar's coming) writes very convincingly on the dichotomy between working women and the semi-frigid output of higher learning. 2317. Julius Caesar - 1/29/2002 8:30:33 PM saqe=sage 2318. CalGal - 1/29/2002 8:36:13 PM But Camille Paglia (look out, Cellar's coming) writes very convincingly on the dichotomy between working women and the semi-frigid output of higher learning. 2319. Julius Caesar - 1/29/2002 8:39:01 PM 2320. Julius Caesar - 1/29/2002 8:43:34 PM More Paglia 2321. CalGal - 1/29/2002 8:46:14 PM Oh, I completely agree with her. But I didn't see anything about working women or college educated women. 2322. CalGal - 1/29/2002 8:48:39 PM Oh, that second quote makes the connection clearer--provided that you add "elite universities". 2323. CalGal - 1/29/2002 8:50:40 PM I think you have that second link wrong? 2324. Julius Caesar - 1/29/2002 8:53:26 PM 2325. CalGal - 1/29/2002 8:57:06 PM Ha! Those quotes are fun. 2326. Cellar Door - 1/29/2002 8:59:16 PM Camille's been longing for a working-class girl to call her own. 2327. CalGal - 1/29/2002 9:01:57 PM Unfortunately for her, none of them are looking for a bossy femme-who-thinks-she's-a-butch with academic airs. 2328. Cellar Door - 1/29/2002 9:02:57 PM Is anyone at all surprised? 2329. Cellar Door - 1/29/2002 9:04:32 PM Her jealousy of Susan Sontag is weird. 2330. Julius Caesar - 1/29/2002 9:05:05 PM Cellar 2331. CalGal - 1/29/2002 9:06:08 PM I dunno. 2332. Cellar Door - 1/29/2002 9:11:41 PM She's just as nasty as Camille, but not in public. 2333. elliottrw - 1/30/2002 11:17:56 AM Ase and CalGal Thanks for the input. Obviously, people commit crimes for a great number of reasons, many of which may be correlated negatively with the age of the offender. Moreover, the available statistics, in this case, do not bear directly on the question at hand. CalGal's comment about the offenders being in jail is a good one, and is typical of the difficulties to be found in approaching a complex issue. Perhaps my original question is more of a math problem, of more interest to the slow thread than social issues. (Sorry about the missing umlaut, Ase, but my text editor freaks out on it). 2334. thoughtful - 1/30/2002 12:13:48 PM elliott, check out the statistical abstract and see if they have death rates by gender, age and cause...you may find an answer there. 2335. elliottrw - 1/30/2002 12:51:13 PM I may do that, thoughtful. But it may be that I'm just taking the wrong approach all together. The proposition that I'm trying to examine is, bluntly stated, "scarcity of willing women leads to risk taking." Gender ratio is a proxy for scarcity of willing women, arrests a proxy for risk taking. In retrospect, I'm thinking that they are not very good proxies. In particular, gender ratio seems to me to be a very minor component in the measure of scarcity. What approach would you take to answering the question "how does scarcity of willing women affect male risk taking behavior?" 2336. Åse - 1/30/2002 1:29:56 PM I would use natural experiments, like China, for example. Or look at other natural experiments where men are isolated from women, or where women, though not scarce, are not willing (strictly patriarchal countries with sequestering of women for example), and compare those to areas or countries where sex ratio is close, and there's a great deal of freedom for women to be sexually available. 2337. thoughtful - 1/30/2002 1:38:06 PM I would back up to determine if there is a "scarcity of willing women" which I don't think there is. Remember that with "professions" like prostitution, the absence of women doesn't directly translate into an inability to find willing sex partners, if that's what you are driving at. 2338. Åse - 1/30/2002 1:44:54 PM Those are good points. 2339. CalGal - 1/30/2002 1:45:40 PM China is undergoing a scarcity of women right now, thanks to the social value of having only boys. The response? Poor rural women are being stolen and forced into marriages. 2340. Åse - 1/30/2002 1:52:52 PM Yeah, I've read that and thought that would bear on this. 2341. vw - 1/30/2002 2:02:40 PM Well, scarcity only leads to power when you control the source of the scarce item … Poverty stricken people, especially those in countries of China’s particular bent, very rarely have control over their own existence. 2342. CalGal - 1/30/2002 2:03:20 PM 2343. Åse - 1/30/2002 2:12:39 PM Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 2344. CalGal - 1/30/2002 2:24:49 PM Found the article 2345. thoughtful - 1/30/2002 2:32:56 PM Contains table of US motor vehicle deaths by age and gender... 2346. CalGal - 1/30/2002 2:37:06 PM Yes, but how much of that is due to dangerous driving, and how much is due to the fact that when men and women drive together, the guy always drives? 2347. ElliottRW - 1/30/2002 3:58:30 PM It would seem then, that however plausible this proposition, challenges persist. For example, how can you know that scarcity exists? Well, short of surveying people to ask them I don't see a reliable method. Another question that I'll bet has already been studied is the following: what influences behavior more: scarcity of sexual partners or scarcity of marriage partners? 2348. Åse - 1/30/2002 4:11:38 PM >what influences 2349. PelleNilsson - 1/30/2002 4:13:12 PM The idea that having sex with a virgin can cure disease, in particular venereal disaese, is an old one. It is known at least from the time syphilis came to Europe. Who knows, maybe the Dutch brought it to South Africa and it has lived on there among the uneducated. 2350. thoughtful - 1/30/2002 4:48:44 PM Pelle, i thought the idea was not that it would cure disease but prevent you from getting it as someone who's not ever had sex has not been exposed to AIDS. They say in Thailand too child prostitution has gone up like mad as patrons presume they would be the first with a child that young. Little do they know. 2351. thoughtful - 1/30/2002 4:55:28 PM elliottrw, i suggest prison is the place to look as you will eliminate one variable...i doubt the prisoners are spouse hunting. also some prisons allow conjugal visits while others do not. Someone must have studied the impact of such visits on prisoner behavior especially around violent behavior. 2352. betty - 1/30/2002 7:02:54 PM "Camille's been longing for a working-class girl to call her own. 2353. Cellar Door - 1/30/2002 7:14:18 PM WOOOOO!!! 2354. arkymalarky - 1/30/2002 7:20:27 PM Hahaha! I could just see Cellar jump toward his monitor! 2355. betty - 1/30/2002 7:39:16 PM There really weren't any "details" cuz i knew who she was and found her repulsive. we'd seen each other at the video store before and I'm sure it was obvious I knew who she was which is really what i think she's looking for...somebody who knows who she is and doesn't think she's an idiot. 2356. betty - 1/30/2002 7:42:23 PM For full disclosure I must add that I felt complimented and briefly entertained the notion of giving her a kiss just 'cuz it would have made her day. but how can you defend kissing Camille Paglia to your anarchist friends? 2357. wonkers2 - 1/30/2002 7:45:11 PM I once had a similar experience with Barbara Walters in the Safeway in Georgetown. Maybe it was my imagination that she was about to invite me over for the evening. (Some say I have a rich fantasy life!) 2358. betty - 1/30/2002 7:50:59 PM wonkers, 2359. wonkers2 - 1/30/2002 7:56:31 PM Well, I didn't mean to sound skeptical of anyone but myself. You got farther with Camille that I did with Barbara. The most I could claim was an exchange of long stares from about six feet. 2360. Cellar Door - 1/30/2002 7:58:43 PM My, my, my! 2361. betty - 1/31/2002 11:40:56 AM CD, 2362. ElliottRW - 1/31/2002 11:56:30 AM beat the .. out of him Sounds like a political issue. Still, betty, I have a question bearing loosely the preceding "scarcity" topic. I know from discussions with some gay men that the scarcity or abundance of suitable female sexual partners has absolutely no impact on their behavior; they are only interested in other men. The scarcity issue, as I posed it, makes little sense in a strictly gay scenario. You seem to be more flexible, in an oddly violent sort of way: how does the relative scarcity of willing female partners vs. male partners affect your behavior, especially with respect to taking risks? 2363. betty - 1/31/2002 4:14:06 PM Elliot, 2364. betty - 1/31/2002 4:18:02 PM As for taking risks...I don't know that I take more or less risks now...probably more now, because I'm older and more confident. 2365. ElliottRW - 1/31/2002 4:44:06 PM betty Your insight into risk-taking behavior (i.e. you take more risks now, owing to self-confidence) strikes me as highly relevant. Is it risk-taking in fact that is the issue, or perceived risk-taking? An ignorant youngster may engage in highly-risky behaviors (kidnapping a virgin from a neighboring village), or fail to take modest risks (e.g. asking someone to dance) because of errors in judgement that have nothing to do with the actual scarcity of partners. As an aside, I really appreciate frank opinions about personal matters. Maybe I'm a nosy busybody, but I just like to hear them even if they are off-topic. I'm glad to hear that you have a great relationship with your dear husband. I am also impressed; I hope that my marriage could evolve into such a relationship, but honestly must admit that the sex and companionship are a big deal for me. Still, thanks for the inspiration. 2366. CalGal - 1/31/2002 4:55:54 PM Bush Allows States to Call Fetus 'Unborn Child' 2367. wonkers2 - 1/31/2002 5:02:14 PM The next step will be charging manslaughter in a car accident causing a miscarriage. 2368. betty - 1/31/2002 7:46:01 PM Elliot, 2369. betty - 1/31/2002 7:59:09 PM CalGal, 2370. wonkers2 - 2/1/2002 7:28:36 AM They got prenatal care coverage under Clinton. All the states have to do is request it. This move by Bush-Thompson was a total phony one. 2371. betty - 2/1/2002 9:50:19 AM wonkers, 2372. Erin R. - 2/1/2002 11:00:10 AM Do women who receive prenatal care themselves have better outcomes during labor and delivery? And isn't that enough to make the argument that they ought to have it? 2373. judithathome - 2/1/2002 11:04:37 AM You'd think so... 2374. CalGal - 2/1/2002 11:05:14 AM I think they should certainly have it. I worry at the precedent of calling a fetus a child. 2375. betty - 2/3/2002 10:36:30 AM Erin, 2376. CalGal - 2/4/2002 4:42:38 PM AAP Backs Gays Who Seek to Adopt a Partner's Child 2377. betty - 2/4/2002 5:21:46 PM (in reference to soem posts on the Propaganda thread) 2378. bubbaette - 2/4/2002 9:44:16 PM Betty 2379. arkymalarky - 2/4/2002 9:48:35 PM I have really mixed feelings about cigarette taxes. I definitely feel that much more should be done to direct teens away from smoking. I had a student last year who was only fifteen and he'd been smoking since he started stealing his mother's cigarettes at five years old. The kid stayed sick and coughed up an incredible amount of blood one day. It really scared me. I casually mentioned to him that lung cancer could become an issue as early as his late twenties or early thirties if he didn't quit. I'd love to have taken that kid home with me. He was a real sweetie, but had no home guidance and was as hooked on cigarettes as if he were 45. 2380. bubbaette - 2/4/2002 9:54:07 PM I don't really have THAT much of an issue with cigarette taxes, except for the blatant mischaracterizations (oh, what the hell -- just call em lies) that make up the justifications. How much more honest to say "these items are not necessary and are bad for you, so since you want them and are willing to pay, we're going to tax the hell out of em." Call it a stupidity tax. If it were a matter of government needing to tax things that are bad for you, there would be sin taxes levied on cheeseburgers and fries, candybars, and any number of other things. 2381. arkymalarky - 2/4/2002 9:57:54 PM I agree with that. 2382. Shannon - 2/4/2002 10:12:21 PM Cal, I meant to post about that this morning. 2383. CalGal - 2/4/2002 10:25:19 PM I also think two things should be made clear to all smokers: most of them are low-income, and smokers save their governments money. 2384. CalGal - 2/4/2002 10:26:16 PM In fact, the "stupidity" behind the tax is that lower income people are apparently considered too stupid to figure out the scam committed on them. 2385. CalGal - 2/4/2002 10:52:46 PM I definitely feel that much more should be done to direct teens away from smoking 2386. betty - 2/5/2002 9:49:08 AM I'm wondering if there is some complex model that's been built to show that smokers actually do cost more...taking into consideration that they are lower income, they are more likely to develop cancers of all kinds, more likely to have strokes and more likely to suffer from heart disease...certainly their health care costs more in comparison to some one from the same age/race/sex/community, but this point of dying younger, hence not needing social security makes a lot of sense...do smokers spend more time on disability? do they spend more time receiving various social welfare programs? (compared to non-smokers, obviously) 2387. betty - 2/5/2002 9:56:22 AM I have some serious problems with SSI, mostly because of the way it's run but also because it is being used as an issue when it shouldn't be. 2388. betty - 2/5/2002 9:56:51 AM I'm all for a cheeseburger tax! 2389. CalGal - 2/5/2002 11:15:56 AM taking into consideration that they are lower income, 2390. betty - 2/5/2002 12:01:28 PM CalGal, 2391. judithathome - 2/5/2002 12:07:58 PM This could be the answer to the campaign to get people to stop smoking...just show them they can rise out of lower-income status if they stop. They can join the richer elite if they are non-smokers! 2392. Macnas - 2/5/2002 12:09:29 PM So thats why I'm not rich... 2393. Erin R. - 2/5/2002 12:09:46 PM Except, lots of people with money smoke. 2394. judithathome - 2/5/2002 12:17:58 PM I was basing my joke on Cal's assertion that most smokers are lower income. 2395. arkymalarky - 2/5/2002 5:26:02 PM WRT those stats linked in Message # 2385, those are for former smokers. As far as those who haven't quit, the age they started would be something I'd like to see. In addition, I wonder about higher income teens who start in college. Maybe I can find more info in that site if I dig around later. Also, the year spans seem too wide to make good judgments about the relationship of when people start to when they quit. 2396. CalGal - 2/5/2002 5:34:55 PM where as we are supporting rich people for a longer period of time at a higher rate of income. I guess the factor would be numbers? 2397. arkymalarky - 2/5/2002 5:41:04 PM The operative issue probably won't end up being why do they start--after all, lots of teens try out smoking--but why don't they stop? 2398. mgleason - 2/5/2002 5:44:54 PM Smoking's like everything else - parents have a huge impact on their kids, not what they say, but what they do. I have to laugh when I see smoking parents complain that their kids have taken it up, too. What did they expect? 2399. Snowowl - 2/5/2002 7:48:24 PM I do think that anti-smoking campaigns aimed at kids can make a difference. My husband and I are both chain smokers, yet only one of my kids smokes and she didn't begin until she became mentally ill and spent a lot of time in hospital. 2400. CalGal - 2/5/2002 7:52:41 PM Snow, I think smoking is more prevalent among all income classes in other countries, isn't it? Around here, the answer would be that your kids don't smoke because they are educated and presumably not very poor. 2401. Snowowl - 2/5/2002 7:57:40 PM Hard to say, Cal. There are big racial differences in smoking here. Maori and Pacific Islanders are most likely to smoke, and I think there were recent figures to say the greatest increase in smoking was amongst Maori women. 2402. mgleason - 2/5/2002 10:01:33 PM I didn't say that whether or not kids smoke is all due to the parents' behavior; I said that what parents do, as opposed to what they say, has a huge impact on their kids. Parents can talk up the dangers of smoking till the cows come home, but if their actions don't match their words, they'll dilute the message considerably. What can parents who smoke realistically say if their kid picks up the habit? Do as I say, not as I do? Yeah, right. 2403. CalGal - 2/5/2002 10:36:28 PM I said that what parents do, as opposed to what they say, has a huge impact on their kids. 2404. AytchMan - 2/5/2002 11:02:13 PM It's almost inconceivable to me but I think many lower-incomes smoke for status. 2406. CalGal - 2/5/2002 11:52:14 PM Wow. That's an interesting possibility. Maybe it is still cool. 2407. AytchMan - 2/6/2002 12:12:06 AM Well, it's kind of a backhand status: I'm tough, I do what I want. They can't tell me what to do. 2408. CalGal - 2/6/2002 1:00:55 AM Ah. 2409. AytchMan - 2/6/2002 1:18:04 AM cal-- 2410. CalGal - 2/6/2002 1:40:57 AM I don't think anti-smoking campaigns are more than marginally effective. 2411. AytchMan - 2/6/2002 2:06:43 AM I guess I draw a distinction between the dissemination of information about the dangers of smoking and the actual campaigns. That is, the government and the media have, over the years, released a flood of cautionary info independent of the campaigns. 2412. Jamie R - 2/6/2002 10:00:32 AM >>Maybe it is still cool. 2413. ElliottRW - 2/6/2002 11:23:02 AM re: smoking Is there any truth to the addage that the earlier a person becomes an habitual smoker, the more likely they are to have difficulty quitting? 2414. CalGal - 2/6/2002 12:21:31 PM I don't think so. The operative issue in quitting smoking is whether they are addicted or it's just a habit. But I can't remember where I read that recently. 2415. Jenerator - 2/6/2002 12:30:33 PM When my mom quit drinking and attended AA, I would go to meeting with her occasionally, plus I went to alateen. Anyway, in all of my life, I have never seen more people chain smoke than there. Each club literally had to create non-smoking rooms for the minority of attendees. I remember frequently not being able to see the speakers through the smoke. Even the members joked that once they quit alcohol, they usual allowed their addiction to transfer to cigarettes and sometimes coffee, too. 2416. CalGal - 2/6/2002 12:36:28 PM I meant to mention the heavy incidence of smoking in addict meetings--my ex always used to mention it. 2417. Erin R. - 2/6/2002 12:43:41 PM There is tons of smoking, coffee drinking, and sweets consuming in AA meetings. Which reminds me of Lee Remick's character in Days of Wine and Roses, who loves chocolate. 2418. Jenerator - 2/6/2002 12:46:47 PM Never saw any indications of sweets consumption there, only smoking and coffee. Maybe things have changed since I've been. I quit going regularly with her about 11 years ago. She's still sober, thankfully.;-) 2419. Erin R. - 2/6/2002 12:49:33 PM As you probably know, all meetings are different. For smaller meetings, I noticed that someone always brought sugary treats. Alcohol has a lot of sugar in it, so I think lots of people substitute such treats for the sugar they miss in alcohol. 2420. ElliottRW - 2/6/2002 1:38:43 PM Calgal, The world bank website says that it "is unlikely that individuals who avoid starting to smoke in adolescence or young adulthood will ever become smokers." Which is different from the question I asked: it doesn't say that the addictions formed by young people are more intense; but rather that young people are more likely to form addictions. In fact, prior to the deluge of information on cigarettes, post-young-adulthood people became smokers. My maternal grandparents, for instance, both started smoking in their late twenties, after college. They took it up at their bridge club. When the surgeon general said smoking was dangerous, they quit the same day, cold turkey. My grandfather said there was "nothing to it" and to this day is puzzled by the difficulty some people have quitting. Personally, I started smoking about age 18; when I did quit, I experienced mild withdrawal symptoms for about two weeks. Not exactly "nothing to it," but no great challenge, either. For my wife, who started around age 13, it took the discovery that she was pregnant to get her to quit. Of course, those are just anectodes, but they make the original idea seem plausible. Please let me know if you find that research. 2421. CalGal - 2/6/2002 1:52:44 PM Elliot, 2423. AytchMan - 3/1/2002 4:08:45 PM Here's a question to put some people off their afternoon kielbasa: 2424. PelleNilsson - 3/1/2002 4:54:36 PM Because the women are setting the agenda. We men think things are OK as they are. 2425. CalGal - 3/1/2002 7:00:40 PM I've been saying that women need to change for a long time. They are responsible for all the things that the feminists bleat about, after all. 2426. CalGal - 3/1/2002 7:03:52 PM Oh, and on top of that, I wish more men would snicker in amusement when women start demanding credit for all the hard work they do around the house. I mean, really. That's absurd, and more people need to start saying so. 2427. Jenerator - 3/2/2002 11:21:38 AM CalCGal, 2428. Jenerator - 3/2/2002 11:28:58 AM I think that children should be blamed for inequality. Thinking about what you have said over the years about abortion, marriage as a financial contract alone, and feminism, it makes sense. 2429. judithathome - 3/2/2002 11:58:50 AM Jen, I think you're on to something...issue all the males plastic party dolls and sex is taken care of...the women can just go without. Or get dildos. Everyone can live alone and only communicate by computers. Sounds like nirvana to me! 2430. CalGal - 3/2/2002 12:24:59 PM Jen, if you're going to be sarcastic, you should know what you're talking about. Most of your "Modest Proposal" is already here. 2431. judithathome - 3/2/2002 12:41:14 PM Which far too many women want for the most ludicrous things. 2432. Jenerator - 3/2/2002 1:16:15 PM Judith, 2433. CalGal - 3/2/2002 1:21:16 PM Judith, 2434. judithathome - 3/2/2002 1:33:58 PM Cal: 2435. CalGal - 3/2/2002 1:50:35 PM Judith, 2436. CalGal - 3/2/2002 1:51:21 PM Jenerator, 2437. ycmeehan - 3/2/2002 2:15:04 PM Oh, and on top of that, I wish more men would snicker in amusement when women start demanding credit for all the hard work they do around the house. I mean, really. That's absurd, and more people need to start saying so. 2438. arkymalarky - 3/2/2002 2:42:08 PM You missed the point. Go ahead and think for a while; try to post thoughts more substantive than rice cakes soaked in cat piss. 2439. Jonesatlaw - 3/2/2002 3:12:56 PM There has been a good deal of change in male and female roles and expectations, but there hasn't been a cataclysmic redefinition in roles. Much of the change is centered around women's roles and issues, and I would suppose that is because the restrictions on women were greater than on men. 2440. Jenerator - 3/2/2002 3:16:18 PM I'm all for equality but it doesn't have to result from such ludicrous and painful suggestions like CalGal's. I think that her jaded worldview does nothing but further the gap between women and men and women and women. 2441. betty - 3/4/2002 3:55:11 PM Jones, 2442. CalGal - 3/4/2002 4:05:00 PM I don't believe for a second that one gender is inherently superior to the other, but I do believe that they are different. 2443. zojak quafeth - 3/4/2002 4:30:10 PM Cal - 2444. CalGal - 3/4/2002 4:37:38 PM My wife stays at home with the kids, but she NOT a dependent. 2445. judithathome - 3/4/2002 4:41:06 PM But it's patronizing to pretend there is any value to it. 2446. CalGal - 3/4/2002 4:44:22 PM You might want to look up the word. You know, just to make sure you know what it means? 2447. judithathome - 3/4/2002 4:49:13 PM Why bother? You have all the definitions at your fingertips...I'm sure you'll let me know. 2448. CalGal - 3/4/2002 4:50:15 PM No, I'll wait until you have a point. Or as the host of this thread said, eloquently: 2449. judithathome - 3/4/2002 4:53:07 PM Try this one on for size: 2450. zojak quafeth - 3/4/2002 4:53:57 PM Message # 2444 if she disappeared off the planet, your ability to do your job would not be compromised. Wrong. I would have 2 kids that I'd have to deal with finding the appropriate care for which would obviously be very disruptive. And the care she provides is in my view irreplaceable. 2451. judithathome - 3/4/2002 4:57:39 PM And you are right about the host of this thread and the phrase of hers you quoted. Which, I might add, you've done before. As you've done with that little song and dance about women who stay home having no worth equal to a man. 2452. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 4:59:29 PM "You demean her by pretending otherwise. The best way to think about a stay at home mom is that she is a luxury that some well-off people can afford, a parent who doesn't have to do as much, putting all the heavy lifting on the other (in this case, you). But it's patronizing to pretend there is any value to it." 2453. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 5:02:49 PM I think Cal is narrowly focusing on her own experience as a single mother of one older child, while forgetting that others have more kids of younger ages. From what I have seen, the number of stay at home moms descreases sharply once the kids are all in school. 2454. zojak quafeth - 3/4/2002 5:03:58 PM In short, your comments are full of unstated assumptions about salaries, the number of kids, their ages, and the cost and quality of day care. 2455. betty - 3/4/2002 5:04:22 PM CalGal, 2456. zojak quafeth - 3/4/2002 5:05:28 PM From what I have seen, the number of stay at home moms descreases sharply once the kids are all in school. 2457. judithathome - 3/4/2002 5:06:28 PM Rask: 2458. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 5:11:22 PM Betty:"even most economists would not support your view...they acknowledge that there is valuable un-paid labor and that, in fact, many things in our society would not function if all labor was paid." 2459. CalGal - 3/4/2002 5:12:18 PM I would have 2 kids that I'd have to deal with finding the appropriate care for which would obviously be very disruptive. 2460. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 5:12:51 PM "Good point. My wife actually plans to go back to work part time when both kids are in school all day." 2461. CalGal - 3/4/2002 5:13:32 PM If you think a babysitter can and will do and teach the same things a parent can and will, well that's just sad. 2462. betty - 3/4/2002 5:13:57 PM rask, 2463. CalGal - 3/4/2002 5:14:20 PM I think it is more likely that Cal Gal assumes that others are in very similar shoes as herself, making her salary with one kid in his teens. Under those circumstances, I completely agree that having my wife stay at home would be a luxury. 2464. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 5:15:11 PM Although it isn't clear what job she will get. She is probably too experienced to get another job teaching. Once you have more than 7-8 years under your belt, it almost impossible to get a teaching job. 2465. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 5:17:07 PM "I'll answer the rest of your post, but I'm not the one making assumptions. My kid is 13, and I've been a single parent since he was 2." 2466. CalGal - 3/4/2002 5:18:23 PM Of one kid, in (as you frequently say) a high paying job. 2467. zojak quafeth - 3/4/2002 5:28:38 PM Cal - Message # 2461 2468. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 5:35:10 PM But you still only had one kid. Your experience is thus much less germane to those many families who have more than one kid. 2469. CalGal - 3/4/2002 5:37:40 PM Rask, 2470. CalGal - 3/4/2002 5:39:11 PM Also, she provides high quality day care, much better than we could find elsewhere. That in itself is worth a lot. 2471. CalGal - 3/4/2002 5:40:46 PM One other thing, before I go: Rask, having more than one kid just compounds the expenses that you are ignoring, and increases the risk. 2472. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 5:49:54 PM Cal: "What this establishes is that you probably couldn't afford the second kid, and are living beyond your means. Not too bright." 2473. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 5:50:06 PM "If you two can't afford daycare for two kids, or it is hard for her to make enough money to "justify" working, then the problem is that you 2474. zojak quafeth - 3/4/2002 5:50:08 PM Cal- 2475. Jenerator - 3/4/2002 5:53:46 PM CalGal, 2476. zojak quafeth - 3/4/2002 5:56:53 PM I'll give you exact stats. In 1994, my wife was making 45k. Deduct taxes. After talking to friends/interviewing daycare providers, we concluded that the cost of quality daycare would be approx $25k. Throw on top of that the fact that there is the stress of making sure that someone absolutely leaves by 5pm to pick up kids. The times kids are sick. The fact that one of us is not with them. the fact that someone ELSE is there teaching them values. It wasn't worth it financially, physically(stress), or emotionally. 2477. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 5:58:33 PM We are now entering Cal Gal World, where it doesn't matter how much your wife makes - she should be working. If her job doesn't pay well enough to pay for day care, well, then you shouldn't have had the kids. 2478. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 5:58:37 PM We are now entering Cal Gal World, where it doesn't matter how much your wife makes - she should be working. If her job doesn't pay well enough to pay for day care, well, then you shouldn't have had the kids. 2479. Erin R. - 3/4/2002 6:01:13 PM zojak: 2480. judithathome - 3/4/2002 6:03:16 PM Perhaps Zojaks wife feels it is also time she will never get back from seeing her kids grow up and thinks that is more valuable than business opportunities. 2481. Erin R. - 3/4/2002 6:04:28 PM I also have had the opportunity to see my child grow up. 2482. Jenerator - 3/4/2002 6:04:59 PM I don't see what the big deal is about taking a *year* off from the workforce. I really don't. 2483. Erin R. - 3/4/2002 6:06:16 PM A year is one thing. Several years. 2484. judithathome - 3/4/2002 6:06:27 PM No Erin, I didn't think that...I can make statements like everyone else. I have some experience in the subject. 2485. Erin R. - 3/4/2002 6:06:48 PM Bad edit. 2486. Erin R. - 3/4/2002 6:08:32 PM Who says you cannot make statements? 2487. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 6:09:00 PM "Based on what you lose by her not working, you could pay probably twice as much in daycare and I'm sure you'd get quality." 2488. Snowowl - 3/4/2002 6:09:57 PM Since I've never considered having a high income as particularly important to maintaining the sort of lifestyle I want I wouldn't consider taking time out of the workforce whether for childrearing or for any other reason I wanted time off as paying an opportunity cost. 2489. judithathome - 3/4/2002 6:13:11 PM You seem to be implying that wives who don't stay home with their children do not see their children grow up. 2490. ycmeehan - 3/4/2002 6:13:15 PM YC--they are only equal partners if they both produce money. A wife that lives off of her husband isn't a partner; she's a dependent. THat's what makes these efforts to redefine her "work" (ie, housekeeping) as value is so silly. 2491. Erin R. - 3/4/2002 6:19:11 PM Also, as we have these navel-gazing debates, remember that it is largely upper-middle class people who can afford the luxury of having a non-working parent with relative ease. 2492. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 6:33:52 PM Erin: "In 1994, I was making less than half what your wife was making. These days, I make more than twice." 2493. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 6:39:35 PM "Also, as we have these navel-gazing debates, remember that it is largely upper-middle class people who can afford the luxury of having 2494. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 6:41:46 PM I don't have stats for how low income families deal with child care issues, but based on simple knowledge of what day care costs, they are either having one parent stay home or choosing very cheap day care options (such as paying a neighbor, or having grandma do it). 2495. wonkers2 - 3/4/2002 7:46:14 PM Deciding whether to have children, how many, and how to raise them are difficult highly personal decisions involving a lot of tradeoffs for both spouses and the children. I think it's wrong to criticize whatever choices the spouses make about their careers and child care arrangements so long as they are trying to do the best thay can considering all the circumstances. 2496. jexster - 3/4/2002 9:51:14 PM We're being overrun by Flippers! 2497. Shannon - 3/4/2002 10:06:49 PM >It only works as incorrect if you assume that the cost of daycare won't rise along with pay. 2498. CalGal - 3/4/2002 10:49:23 PM The extent to which it is true is because I earn more than she does. 2499. CalGal - 3/4/2002 10:53:09 PM Zojak, 2500. CalGal - 3/4/2002 10:55:15 PM Since I've never considered having a high income as particularly important to maintaining the sort of lifestyle I want 2501. CalGal - 3/4/2002 11:07:10 PM Rask, 2502. CalGal - 3/4/2002 11:11:27 PM The point is that every mother's situation is different. 2503. arkymalarky - 3/4/2002 11:19:40 PM Actually, teaching in many high school subjects has consistently been one of the most secure professions available, largely because of the tradeoff of making less money with a degree that would pay more, with less consistent job security, in the private sector. 2504. seadate - 3/4/2002 11:39:22 PM I wish that tradeoff attracted more teachers possessing the character of Arky and Bob. 2505. arkymalarky - 3/4/2002 11:42:11 PM Why thank you! 2506. jexster - 3/4/2002 11:49:38 PM Daly City is now home to the second-largest number of Asian-Americans out side of Honolulu. 2507. Raskolnikov - 3/4/2002 11:54:37 PM Cal:"None of them are irrelevant, since they all relate to increased income over the time in question." 2508. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 12:10:01 AM "It's also absurd to say this has no financial impact, Rask, since it is commonly accepted that the reason women's net worth, salaries, and so on are substantially less than men is because they took time out of the workplace to raise kids. How is it exactly that you then argue it has no financial impact? " 2509. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 12:10:20 AM "and if the only way you can afford it is to completely stunt the income growth of one of the partners, it is a very poor risk. Almost all women and many children suffer a serious drop in living standards post divorce, and they are all women who took this risk and lost. Given that the odds of divorce are extremely high in comparison to the odds of widowhood, I find it odd how many parents aren't willing to pay "insurance" by keeping both spouses employable and maintaining a dual income stream." 2510. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 12:22:20 AM "No, it's not. You talk about groups constantly, Rask, and you damn well know that it is entirely possible to talk about "mother's situation" in total." 2511. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 12:29:19 AM "But notwithstanding her relative security, it is absurd to claim that taking five years out of your career (or more, if you have more kids) doesn't have serious financial repercussions for most people, regardless of gender or "their situation"." 2512. stostosto - 3/5/2002 4:35:53 AM Rask 2513. vw - 3/5/2002 7:51:53 AM Being an unemployed SAHP is a gamble at best. Very few people carry enough insurance on the primary wage earner to do anything more than keeping the house paid off and the lights on for maybe a year or two. 2514. vw - 3/5/2002 7:53:10 AM keeping=keep 2515. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 8:03:59 AM Cal - 2516. vw - 3/5/2002 9:12:40 AM The fear of divorce is not a fear that my wife and I have. 2517. ycmeehan - 3/5/2002 9:31:15 AM Also, as we have these navel-gazing debates, remember that it is largely upper-middle class people who can afford the luxury of having a non-working parent with relative ease. 2518. slackjaw - 3/5/2002 9:32:20 AM No, he is specifically talking about his marriage, which is all that matters in assessing his risk of divorce. 2519. slackjaw - 3/5/2002 9:44:36 AM It seems like a lot of this argument is based on the ideas that everyone under discussion faces a comparable risk, and that they should respond to it comparable ways. Both components are suspect. 2520. slackjaw - 3/5/2002 9:46:24 AM If someone believes daycare by a non-parent poses a risk to his or her child's development, is that not admissible in the calculus? 2521. CalGal - 3/5/2002 9:46:48 AM A huge proportion of marriages ending in divorce is yet perfectly consistent with a high subjective estimate that one's own marriage will not end in divorce. 2522. betty - 3/5/2002 9:53:28 AM all of this assumes a certain "Standard of Living" that may not be desirable for every one. I'm rather comfortable living on the edge of poverty while other people probably have too delicate a nature to be OK with it. 2523. vw - 3/5/2002 10:01:13 AM Also the "risk" of lost wages and career opportunities doesn't really apply to most people without College degrees/professions. 2524. vw - 3/5/2002 10:02:17 AM BTW, deliberately living on the edge of poverty with children is IMO, a form of abusive behavior. 2525. CalGal - 3/5/2002 10:04:22 AM Slack, 2526. Jenerator - 3/5/2002 10:04:27 AM Are vw and CalGal one in the same? 2527. vw - 3/5/2002 10:09:00 AM Jen, If you don't have anything on topic to say, I advise you to move on. I don't tolerate off-topic posts that are meant only to agitate. 2528. CalGal - 3/5/2002 10:09:43 AM Rask, 2529. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 10:13:16 AM Thought experiment: I pay my wife 30k per year in order to clean the house and provide day care while I am at my job. I also provide bennies, such as unemployment insurance (in case I want to fire her), and make the appropriate social security payments. 2530. stostosto - 3/5/2002 10:15:34 AM Ah, so it's all about that all-American participant sport of tax evasion? 2531. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 10:16:22 AM "This is silly. Paying for daycare does not have serious financial repercussions. It is a one-time cost. Comparing that to the long term damage of leaving the workplace is ludicrous." 2532. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 10:16:30 AM Ah, but now your wife's life finally has worth and you're not demeaning her. 2533. stostosto - 3/5/2002 10:18:27 AM Actually the combination of low taxes and low wages (for nannies, say) is thought of in these parts as "the American model". It is held that this allows people to make their own choices free of the interference from high taxes and subsidised daycare. But it appears that the choices actually taken aren't all that different between Scandinavia and the USA -- not in terms of female labour force participation, anyway. 2534. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 10:19:47 AM ...and again, it's also silly to consider only the economic cost. I firmly believe that my wife can do a better job instilling our values, our standards of behavior, etc. on our kids than Mary Poppins or Carlita Fernandez. 2535. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 10:20:31 AM "Ah, so it's all about that all-American participant sport of tax evasion?" 2536. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 10:20:57 AM Excuse me, zojak, but where do you get off implying that children who go to daycare are raised by someone other than their parents? 2537. vw - 3/5/2002 10:22:15 AM Ah, but now your wife's life finally has worth 2538. betty - 3/5/2002 10:22:26 AM vw, 2539. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 10:23:14 AM "...and again, it's also silly to consider only the economic cost. I firmly believe that my wife can do a better job instilling our values, our 2540. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 10:25:34 AM Rask, do you imagine that in families where both parents work, the parents do not instill values in their children? 2541. slackjaw - 3/5/2002 10:27:21 AM I think what we're first establishing is that there is risk, and a great deal of it. 2542. slackjaw - 3/5/2002 10:27:30 AM And of course, often these studies are not done well. If someone does hard core, cutting edge stuff, they will gesture feebly toward selection bias. They may, by some miracle, be using a decent estimate of a standard error for the type of data they have. 2543. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 10:27:47 AM VW:"Any parent that decreases his or her economic viability by extended absences from the labor force is gambling with the financial safety 2544. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 10:28:35 AM "Rask, do you imagine that in families where both parents work, the parents do not instill values in their children?" 2545. betty - 3/5/2002 10:30:22 AM Erin, 2546. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 10:33:32 AM Rask, you seem to be implying that children who are looked after by someone other than their parents, they are learning values from someone other than parents. 2547. vw - 3/5/2002 10:34:12 AM What you don't seem to understand is that you don't rule the Universe and your "Morality" (also known as prayer to the dollar) does not apply to everyone. 2548. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 10:34:52 AM Which values do you mean? 2549. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 10:35:10 AM I do think my kids are better off with my wife than at day care, although when we just had one kid the advantages of a career were sufficient enough for us to compromise in this regard. Having two kids tipped the scales. 2550. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 10:39:10 AM "Rask, you seem to be implying that children who are looked after by someone other than their parents, they are learning values from someone other than parents." 2551. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 10:40:08 AM That's a shitty example of conflicting values, then. 2552. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 10:43:33 AM What values exactly do you mean, then, that you don't want your children exposed to? 2553. vw - 3/5/2002 10:46:22 AM You don't like the fact that they are choosing day care and housecleaning as a temporary career. 2554. Julius Caesar - 3/5/2002 10:46:59 AM It is very difficult to make reliable generalizations in the area of family economics, how much should be made to support various children, day care v. parent at home, etc . . . because so much is dependent upon the players. One day care center might be the model, while the parent may not be so good at parenting, so that argues in favor of day care. One couple may have five children, have the mother stay at home, make $45,000 a year, and through thrift and perseverance, make not only a comfortable life, but one that generated loving children. The Waltons, after all, was based on a true story. A wealthy family may have a stay at home mother knocked out on anti-depressants and vodka. 2555. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 10:49:24 AM "That's a shitty example of conflicting values, then. " 2556. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 10:51:16 AM "I have said (repeatedly) the any parent removing himself or herself from the labor pool for an extended amount of time is gambling with his or her (and the children’s) financial viability." 2557. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 10:54:48 AM 2536. Erin R. - 3/5/02 10:20:57 AM 2558. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 10:55:27 AM I'll also repost my thought experiment periodically, until someone either addresses it, or the arguments cease. 2559. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 11:01:28 AM zojak, which values exactly do you object to a daycare provider imparting on your children? 2560. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 11:09:41 AM erin - 2561. CalGal - 3/5/2002 11:10:04 AM Rask, 2562. vw - 3/5/2002 11:12:11 AM Why don't you point out the risks that waitresses are making in choosing to be in a low paying job with little career potential? 2563. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 11:14:31 AM Through the course of the day, your child will get in conflicts with others, will see others in conflict, etc. They'll learn to deal with it in the manner they see there. They will see the provider get frustrated and will learn to deal with the frustration in part in the same manner the daycare provider does. 2564. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 11:17:08 AM OK. I'm sure that some are well-trained. I'm sure that some aren't. 2565. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 11:20:30 AM Here'a a recent article. It's long, butI can't really link it as it's from a Lexis print-out. But it's interesting fodder for the conversation anyway. 2566. Wombat - 3/5/2002 11:21:36 AM Erin makes a good point. 2567. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 11:21:57 AM (con't...) 2568. MayRose - 3/5/2002 11:22:12 AM " Despite a high demand 2569. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 11:24:22 AM "We get calls every day from people in San Diego and LA, even from other states, like Michigan and Illinois. Temecula has such mass growth," she said. "They're getting such great jobs and new 2570. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 11:25:22 AM There may be a shortage there. I'm not so sure there is a shortage nationwide. 2571. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 11:25:36 AM Parents living in the Coachella Valley in eastern Riverside County face another problem. Many jobs are either in the service industry or on a farm. Both require child care early in the morning or later in the evening, times when most child-care providers are closed. When the few odd-hour slots for child care fill up, parents either get family members to watch the children or lose the job. 2572. CalGal - 3/5/2002 11:25:43 AM But so is any parent who doesn't choose a high paying career with easy employability. 2573. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 11:26:59 AM Anna Stewart Rosen, a day-care provider in Hemet in southwest Riverside County, charges $100 to $125 a week per child at her center, Mariana's Quality Care. She takes only one infant so she 2574. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 11:28:37 AM Child-care need and availability 2575. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 11:28:52 AM 2576. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 11:36:30 AM "You began by claiming that your wife was saving you money by staying home. Surely you aren't saying that daycare for 2 kids costs $30K/year?" 2577. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 11:36:38 AM 2578. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 11:43:19 AM Cal:"Your statement that I don't approve of this "career choice" is incorrect. For one thing, staying home isn't a career choice. It is a 2579. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 11:46:07 AM "But there's no point in pretending the risk isn't there, and it isn't substantial. The stats are clear on that point." 2580. judithathome - 3/5/2002 11:46:40 AM Why can't the stay at home parent put aside some of the money the couple is saving in a savings account or in CDs? It would still be cheaper than daycare and the SAHP would be providing for the future. 2581. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 11:50:27 AM Judith: They can. That is one potential way of managing the risk. 2582. vw - 3/5/2002 11:51:11 AM That is one way of mitigate the risk J@H, but the problem there is that you would need to put away enough money to support the remain family while you got back up to employment speed if you lost your spouses income. 2583. vw - 3/5/2002 11:52:18 AM remain family = remaining family 2584. judithathome - 3/5/2002 12:09:41 PM I have an example of daycare influencing values or at least of daycare influence. And it is a positive story...the couple next door had their child in daycare from an early age, like 18 months...both parents worked. He learned everything from that one daycare...at the age of 5, when we first met him, he had a vocabulary that was astonishing and manners you would faint over. It is highly unlikely he would've learned these things from staying home...not that his parents are dumb but thay are working class and hardly graduated high school, marrying young and with no college at all. 2585. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 12:29:19 PM We have some friends who had a live-in nanny after they had their first child. Sweet lady from Guatemala. Did a great job. Only issue they had was that their oldest child learned to speak Spanish first, and they don't speak Spanish. She also didn't seem to be picking up English. The doctor explained to them, that although kids can easily pick up multiple languages at a young age, they generally pick up one first and until they reach a certain age stick to it. (shrug). It was an uncomfortable period for them, mostly b/c the spouse kept feeling she failed as a mom b/c the nanny had more of an influence on the kidthan she did. She quit working and stayed at home after her second child. 2586. betty - 3/5/2002 12:32:55 PM if you really didn?t ?give a fuck? what I think you wouldn?t have reacted with such venom. 2587. vw - 3/5/2002 12:34:37 PM it'a all just personal preference 2588. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 12:38:51 PM vw- 2589. vw - 3/5/2002 12:42:52 PM If you had said that putting a kid in a car is abusive you could have potentially had somewhere to stand, instead you just seem like a fucking asshole. 2590. vw - 3/5/2002 12:48:15 PM then you would not have mischaracterized what I said in your litle oratory there. 2591. CalGal - 3/5/2002 12:54:54 PM Rask, 2592. CalGal - 3/5/2002 1:06:49 PM Vw makes the point behind this debate--if it was just a matter of personal choice, there'd be no problem. But the majority of women are making very bad financial decisions in choosing to have children that they can't afford without complete and uncompromised use of their husband's wallet, and they are being blessed and encouraged by society to do so. 2593. CalGal - 3/5/2002 1:15:17 PM We *could* afford day care, but the costs of day care exceeded my wife's net income, and would have even if she had worked for several more years. 2594. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 1:33:48 PM Cal: "It is not a career choice. The job analogy doesn't hold up." 2595. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 1:44:21 PM Let's take this to an extreme to make the point clear. Imagine instead that my wife made 16k per year, and our day care bill required 30k per year income. According to your logic, her share is 15k, and as 16k>15k, it is in her interest to continue working. But then I am out 15k. *both of us* are better off if I pay *her* a sum of money (say 10k) to provide day care herself. She saves the 15k in expenses, and gets 10k from me, but loses the 16k in salary. Her net gain is 9k. I save the 15k in day care expenses, but spend 10k on her, for a net gain of 5k. 2596. CalGal - 3/5/2002 1:49:05 PM You don't think day care is a career? 2597. CalGal - 3/5/2002 1:50:22 PM As for your "we're all in this together" take on things, that works until divorce, the biggest risk in a marriage, when suddenly you aren't in it together, and the courts assess you as individuals. Since you are assessing for risk, you have to assess as individuals, and she took all the financial hit of staying home. 2598. betty - 3/5/2002 1:52:10 PM vw, 2599. CalGal - 3/5/2002 1:54:48 PM Rask, I get your point, and did the first time. 2600. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 1:57:37 PM As I have pointed out above, even if you look at things solely from the standpoint of one person, it can easily be worthwhile for that one person to take time off work to raise kids, in exchange for compensation. True most couples don't make a legally binding arrangement, because they *trust* each other. Right now my wife could drain all of my bank accounts, take the kids, sell the house (she has power of attorney), and flee to Mexico and leave me with no wealth and no kids. But I view this as an extremely low risk. 2601. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 2:08:17 PM Vw makes the point behind this debate--if it was just a matter of personal choice, there'd be no problem. But the majority of women are making very bad financial decisions in choosing to have children that they can't afford without complete and uncompromised use of their husband's wallet, and they are being blessed and encouraged by society to do so. 2602. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 2:10:32 PM "As it is, though, there's no way it's a job. She has no recourse if you don't pay her, and you can't fire her. It's a fiction." 2603. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 2:11:17 PM You are actually getting closer to the sort of arrangement that I think women who stay home should insist on. With legal documentation saying that all money paid for in daycare costs is hers and hers alone in the event of a divorce. So the money goes into a special account that can't be touched until she goes back to work, and then can be slowly used up over the same period that she was off from work. 2604. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 2:13:00 PM I still maintain that Cal is making the elementary fallacy of universalizing her own experiences to everyone. 2605. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 2:20:06 PM Speaking of risk. In the event of a divorce, my wife probably would take it slightly in the chops financially because she is dependent on my paycheck (most other spouses would be hurt a lot more, certainly, but my wife saves a lot). But she would also almost certainly gain primary custody of the kids, for the very reason that she is the primary caregiver right now. 2606. vw - 3/5/2002 2:21:13 PM logic doesn't matter in reality. 2607. vw - 3/5/2002 2:21:19 PM Given that, I come to the conclusion (again note the word use) that deliberately choosing to exists with children on the brink of poverty is a form of abuse. Know do I really need to go through the various forms of abuse? Or can I assume that your immediate jump to define it as a death sentence was an over reaction on your part. 2608. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 2:23:18 PM Do you have any proof that suggests that in families where both parents work, and are divorced, that the mothers are more or less likely to get custody? 2609. judithathome - 3/5/2002 2:23:39 PM I still maintain that Cal is making the elementary fallacy of universalizing her own experiences to everyone 2610. betty - 3/5/2002 2:24:21 PM I don't think it's a terrible idea for anyone, especially a stay at home parent, to make contracts with their partner clear. Alf and I have a formal agreement that he will contribute an amount equal to my own income through out my Undergraduate Education should our union dissolve. this is above and beyond any daycare or child support. 2611. vw - 3/5/2002 2:24:51 PM Actually, vw made no point. He mutilated a sentence, then cast an (incorrect) assumption on top of that in an effort to say that the topic is worth talking about. 2612. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 2:25:38 PM "Do you have any proof that suggests that in families where both parents work, and are divorced, that the mothers are more or less likely to get custody?" 2613. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 2:29:41 PM I know that women usually get financially screwed by a divorce, but I wonder if many of them would have been willing to trade off that screwing in exchange for losing primary custody of their kids. 2614. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 2:34:29 PM I meant that women get screwed over financially by divorce, but tend to do better in child custody fights. And that I am not sure they would be willing to have it be the other way around. 2615. betty - 3/5/2002 2:44:05 PM vw, 2616. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 2:49:51 PM vw - 2617. CalGal - 3/5/2002 2:53:18 PM I still maintain that Cal is making the elementary fallacy of universalizing her own experiences to everyone. 2618. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 2:54:48 PM Cal - 2619. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 2:55:09 PM I said "universalizing", not "using". There is a difference, and I have not been universalizing. I *think* you are. 2620. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 2:58:06 PM Basically, it is far and away the most charitable explanation for your reasoning. If you prefer a less charitable explanation, fine. I won't quibble. 2621. CalGal - 3/5/2002 3:00:13 PM My wife gets a job at a day care facility. She watches other people's kids. 2622. CalGal - 3/5/2002 3:03:20 PM I said "universalizing", not "using". There is a difference, and I have not been universalizing. I *think* you are. 2623. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 3:05:08 PM "As for it being "silly" that your wife should continue to work, given that she can't support her kids, I dunno. I thought that was a primary 2624. vw - 3/5/2002 3:05:08 PM We also have resources should a major financial disaster take place 2625. CalGal - 3/5/2002 3:07:12 PM Unless anyone else wishes to take up your strong position that being a stay at home mom is necessarily a luxury? 2626. betty - 3/5/2002 3:08:16 PM We are on the edge of poverty, "our resources" include her living with other members of my family until we get back on our feet. this is a resource, though one you can't account for in a purely capitalist model. 2627. vw - 3/5/2002 3:08:20 PM you = your 2628. Erin R. - 3/5/2002 3:14:13 PM It is a luxury to the extent that your family is looking at a financial risk by doing it. It's not a necessity. It's a "nice to have." 2629. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 3:14:14 PM Cal: I think what you really mean is that having kids is a luxury. Given the presence of kids, choice of employment or being a stay at home parent is a financial decision with an outcome that varies from family to family. 2630. vw - 3/5/2002 3:14:40 PM We are on the edge of poverty, "our resources" include her living with other members of my family until we get back on our feet. 2631. vw - 3/5/2002 3:15:56 PM if you saying = if you keep saying 2632. zojak quafeth - 3/5/2002 3:17:23 PM vw - 2633. CalGal - 3/5/2002 3:17:35 PM In the event of a divorce, my wife probably would take it slightly in the chops financially because she is dependent on my paycheck .. 2634. CalGal - 3/5/2002 3:34:17 PM Rask, 2635. Raskolnikov - 3/5/2002 3:45:32 PM Anyone else? 2636. judithathome - 3/5/2002 3:50:20 PM Time for a nap... 2637. vw - 3/5/2002 3:50:31 PM Anyone else? 2638. betty - 3/5/2002 3:53:50 PM How many “new” details are you going to add to this discuss to prove your point? 2639. Shannon - 3/5/2002 4:07:46 PM Cripes, betty, you can be as unpredictable as you damn well want, but it's silly to get offended when people don't assume the unpredicable things that you don't bother to mention up front. 2640. betty - 3/5/2002 4:38:32 PM Shannon, 2641. judithathome - 3/5/2002 4:45:42 PM but if there is something greater to the human experience, if they are capable of greatness themselves, then all that time spent safely in their own pile of shit means time spent dead. 2642. mgleason - 3/5/2002 4:47:43 PM You are an existentialist in an anarchist's clothing, Betty. 2643. betty - 3/5/2002 4:58:43 PM judith, 2644. betty - 3/5/2002 5:01:18 PM m, 2645. judithathome - 3/5/2002 5:03:21 PM Betty, you can rest assured that I, for one, am very happy with the direction I've chosen...it's not for everyone but I like it! ;-) 2646. betty - 3/5/2002 5:06:49 PM judith, 2647. judithathome - 3/5/2002 5:10:04 PM I do...it makes people lots easier to get along with... 2648. thoughtful - 3/6/2002 4:58:28 PM I've lurked through much of this child care discussion (often agape) and just let me make a point that I don't think has been addressed. There is financial security and there is financial security. Looking at household behavior by income one finds something unintuitive. There are people who are savers at the lowest levels of hh income and there are people in tremendous debt despite being in the top income bracket. There are people who manage to live comfortably and securely at lower levels of income and there are people who are always on the brink of bankruptcy at the highest levels of income. (Hubby calls the latter the credit card millionaires.) My point being that higher income doesn't ensure financial security and choosing to take a hit, even a lifetime one, on income doesn't necessarily threaten financial security. 2649. thoughtful - 3/6/2002 5:26:09 PM Also, just to reiterate a point made about risk, life is full of risk. You can try to do absolutely everything possible to see you have a healthy baby, but birth defects happen. You can try to do everything possible to provide your children with the best upbringing possible -- not just financially, but emotionally, intellectually, etc. -- and still sh*t happens...accidents, natural disasters, war, crime, illness, death, financial disasters, divorce, whatever. Let's not forget the bad things that kids bring on themselves too despite a parent's best effort. If you had to guarantee that a child would be raised to adulthood without risk of financial, emotional, or physical harm before you would allow yourself to have any children, then no one would ever have any. It's simply not possible. Heck, even trying to avoid having children entails risk. It is not realistic. 2650. judithathome - 3/7/2002 7:49:26 AM Good posts, Thoughtful... 2651. vw - 3/7/2002 7:50:24 AM There is financial security and there is financial security. 2652. vw - 3/7/2002 8:03:26 AM Making the argument “Bad things happen even when you try to keep them from happening so you might as well do what you want rather than doing what is necessary” isn’t very compelling either. 2653. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 8:31:35 AM vw, please point out where I say, "...so you might as well do what you want rather than doing what is necessary". That is not what I said, and if that's your interpretation of my post, then you have missed my point entirely. 2654. stostosto - 3/7/2002 8:44:39 AM vw, 2655. zojak quafeth - 3/7/2002 8:55:46 AM Sto - 2656. stostosto - 3/7/2002 9:01:30 AM My personal m.o. is very much the last of the two, and I find my kids extremely stimulating, (much more so than I find other kids, luckily). But, I also like to do grown-up stuff with grown-ups; in fact, I'd say I need it in order to be stimulated and develop as an individual myself. I also think most grown-ups are like that, but I think stating it openly is a huge taboo. 2657. zojak quafeth - 3/7/2002 9:03:48 AM I'd say I need it in order to be stimulated and develop as an individual myself. I also think most grown-ups are like that... 2658. zojak quafeth - 3/7/2002 9:05:01 AM Staying at home w/ kids shouldn't equate to a prison sentence home alone with the kids with no other adult interaction. Bad for the paent. Bad for the kids. 2659. stostosto - 3/7/2002 9:05:29 AM zojak, I missed this part of your goody-goody m.o. description: 2660. judithathome - 3/7/2002 9:07:36 AM "Working" can be deadly boring, too... 2661. stostosto - 3/7/2002 9:11:52 AM Bah. Bunk. 2662. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 9:12:39 AM My final post didn't post last night. 2663. zojak quafeth - 3/7/2002 9:15:20 AM Sto - 2664. zojak quafeth - 3/7/2002 9:16:50 AM Bah. Bunk. 2665. judithathome - 3/7/2002 9:16:52 AM Sto, I agree with you that to admit to being bored as a stay at home parent is a taboo. But I think it's strange people feel able to admit...and lament frequently...just how bored they are with their paying jobs. 2666. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 9:25:06 AM stostosto, #2654, your list of the important factors that need to be weighed when deciding child care issues is very good. The fact that different people face different options, weigh the factors differently necessarily means different outcomes. 2667. bubbaette - 3/7/2002 9:25:17 AM There is a "prestige" issue, though. When my sis was staying home with her kids, she found that she missed adult coversation and interaction AND that in social situations people often had nothing to say to her after they asked the question "what do you do?" 2668. stostosto - 3/7/2002 9:30:16 AM Judith, it's very much comme-il-faut to bitch about your paying job. But it's also a fact that people in general are quite happy about their working lives, and that they rate qualities such as challenge, personal development, good colleagues and being acknowledged for their contribution as salient factors. The wage takes a back seat to these. I am referring to Danish surveys here, but these main results are bafflingly consistent over all kinds of jobbers. 2669. stostosto - 3/7/2002 9:34:59 AM Note that in my list you can have a strong preference for working rather than being with your kid (#1), but still have that trumped by a high value on count #2 (the perceived benefit for the child of having its biological parent take care of it). 2670. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 9:43:15 AM Hubby could have continued to work with his company, he enjoyed the interaction with people and he was well liked and respected by upper management and co-workers. He also had a critical role in running the most profitable end of the business. Still after 36 years with the co., he chose to retire. No children to care for, no subsequent job lined up. He's happier and healthier than I've ever seen him in our 20+ years of marriage. Different strokes for different folks. 2671. judithathome - 3/7/2002 9:53:49 AM qualities such as challenge, personal development, good colleagues and being acknowledged for their contribution as salient factors. The wage takes a back seat to these 2672. stostosto - 3/7/2002 10:20:57 AM Yes, Judith, I guess that's true -- it's inevitably subjective. I just think there is also a cultural and social pattern that is very determinant in which choices you are allowed to consider - and, as I said which preferences you are even allowed to express. I think social theorists have a name for that, I just can't remember it. 2673. stostosto - 3/7/2002 10:31:14 AM Regarding the factor of trust in a relationship and which issues you can feel safe to discuss when doing these kinds of calculations, I have another story. 2674. Erin R. - 3/7/2002 10:39:37 AM I don't think asking for a pre-nup is out of line. 2675. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 10:45:24 AM I think asking for a pre-nup provides the other person with a lot of information about the nature of the person they are about to marry of which they might not have been aware before hand. Based on that information, a change in the decision to marry should not be a surprise. 2676. Erin R. - 3/7/2002 10:48:04 AM What's wrong with protecting the investment in time and money the person has made before the marriage? Is the girlfriend going to be part of running the business? Does he have other children who might be entitled to these assets upon his death, or does he want his two children with this woman to inherit these assets? 2677. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 10:56:58 AM Am I not typing English here? Where did I say something was wrong with asking for a prenup? I said asking provides information about the nature of the person asking. 2678. Erin R. - 3/7/2002 11:10:12 AM What information does it provide about the nature of the person asking? 2679. CalGal - 3/7/2002 11:12:20 AM The refusal to accept the prenup also provides a great deal of information about the person refusing. None of it good. 2680. betty - 3/7/2002 11:13:20 AM absolutely! a pre-nup for some people is about protecting investments, for others it's an indication that there is a lack of trust and commitment. If you have different opinions on what a pre-nup means in that fuzzy subjective realm, yer probably gonna have radical differences of opinion elsewhere. It's a difference that is best worked out BEFORE a marriage. 2681. CalGal - 3/7/2002 11:16:14 AM I wouldn't want him to marry her if she was uncomfortable. After all, what is she saying? "You mean you don't want to let me have all your money?" 2682. betty - 3/7/2002 11:24:54 AM CalGal, 2683. betty - 3/7/2002 11:31:02 AM CalGal, 2684. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 11:31:46 AM Erin, I thought it was obvious. It says a lot about how they view money and household finances and the degree of sharing/control there will be about existing and future assets, the degree of independence/unity they expect in the marriage, how risk averse they are. If there was a prior marriage with children and the prenup relates to that issue, it gives you information about how much involvement you might expect from the first family in your new married life, etc. 2685. CalGal - 3/7/2002 11:34:51 AM Betty, 2686. slackjaw - 3/7/2002 11:39:44 AM After all, what is she saying? "You mean you don't want to let me have all your money?" 2687. slackjaw - 3/7/2002 11:41:40 AM But of course, that's also what the offerer of a prenup is saying, which could reasonably be interpreted as lack of confidence about the marriage. 2688. betty - 3/7/2002 11:44:13 AM CalGal, 2689. christipeters - 3/7/2002 11:54:04 AM I would never marry without a pre-nup. Having been burned once, I am not going to risk it again. I don't think I am capable of putting that much trust in anyone again. Of course, given that, it is unlikely I will ever marry again at all. 2690. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 11:58:15 AM Would be most interesting if the asker was countered with a prenup offer as well. How the asker responded to the counteroffer would also provide a lot of information. 2691. christipeters - 3/7/2002 12:10:15 PM IF I were to "fall in Love" and decide I wanted to get married again, my pre-nup would just basically codify in writing what is supposedly already in the law: 2692. CalGal - 3/7/2002 12:40:02 PM I'm not even sure I'd marry again, given all the property risks. I'm not sure I want to put my son's inheritance at risk. 2693. slackjaw - 3/7/2002 12:46:59 PM It's not just the possibility that's being conveyed in a prenuptial agreement. The prenup becomes more valuable for the offerer (on average) as his belief in the marriage's staying power worsens. If he thought divorce were a zero probability event, the prenup would have no value. There's a belief revealed by offering it -- a probability on top of the possibility. 2694. CalGal - 3/7/2002 12:48:43 PM But is there a belief revealed in buying life or disability insurance? 2695. zojak quafeth - 3/7/2002 12:52:40 PM Ya know.... 2696. slackjaw - 3/7/2002 12:54:10 PM Yes 2697. slackjaw - 3/7/2002 12:56:41 PM That was to Cal. 2698. christipeters - 3/7/2002 12:58:37 PM I'm not even sure I'd marry again, given all the property risks. I'm not sure I want to put my son's inheritance at risk. 2699. slackjaw - 3/7/2002 12:58:45 PM The prenup also makes it less costly for the offerer to do things that might end the marriage, such as having an affair (unless that contingency is spelled out in the agreement). It is perfectly sensible for a recipient to respond to that. 2700. zojak quafeth - 3/7/2002 1:00:11 PM Sure, slack. And there are probably a million other variations that apply based on the perspective of the person talking/listening..... 2701. Erin R. - 3/7/2002 1:08:01 PM If something happened to my husband, I would definitely want a prenup before going into another marriage. I own property in two states, which in the event of a divorce or my death, I would want to go to my son, not my new husband. 2702. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 1:32:02 PM christip makes an interesting point about a pre-nup handling a blended marriage which triggered in my mind again the point about the information provided by how the prenup is presented. 2703. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 1:34:47 PM One is an ultimatum, the other is contingency plan and a vehicle to explore each others' expectations, attitude toward money, family, the marriage, etc. 2704. CalGal - 3/7/2002 1:34:47 PM The part after "and" isn't necessary for a prenup to convey doubt. 2705. CalGal - 3/7/2002 1:37:32 PM Thoughtful, 2706. christipeters - 3/7/2002 1:39:21 PM If I approach the topic of family finances with my intended and suggest we both examine the issue of understanding our current assets and their disposition, wills, insurance policies, one check book or two, etc. and we make those decisions together based on all our assets (I may not have a million in the bank, but I may have my grandmother's lladro collection which I want to make sure my children get), then that sends an entirely different message. 2707. christipeters - 3/7/2002 1:40:33 PM uh, strike that last "in a pre-nup" 2708. judithathome - 3/7/2002 1:48:21 PM So who says a pre-nup in necessarily drawn up by one party in a vacuum and then "presented" to the other person. 2710. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 1:50:05 PM christip, probably from my own misconceptions about a prenup... my thinking that they arose as a way to protect a wealthy person entering marriage from the grasp of an unscrupulous poor money grubber who would use the marriage/divorce process as a way of becoming wealthy him/herself at the others' expense...a long winded way of saying marrying for money. And the fact that I know of only one couple that had one which was used as a sign this or else. 2711. betty - 3/7/2002 1:55:37 PM Christi, 2712. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 2:03:23 PM Doesn't it also send very different messages if, he with the assets to protect tells her he wants to protect them from her, or if she tells him she wants to make sure those assets are preserved for his family? The outcome may be the same re the assets, but the message of what to expect from the marriage, the relationship, financial dealings, the level of trust and control is very different. 2713. betty - 3/7/2002 2:29:22 PM thoughtful, 2714. judithathome - 3/7/2002 2:32:02 PM Luckily not all men see marriage as a business transaction. 2715. betty - 3/7/2002 2:34:01 PM i second that! :-) 2716. Erin R. - 3/7/2002 2:34:33 PM The relationship itself isn't necessarily a transaction, but the marriage itself is. 2717. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 2:37:27 PM amen to that J@h. 2718. CalGal - 3/7/2002 2:38:22 PM i guess since there's (generally) not a lot of monetary exchange involved with sex, clear communication doesn't matter in that arena. 2719. betty - 3/7/2002 2:39:08 PM Erin, 2720. CalGal - 3/7/2002 2:40:11 PM The relationship itself isn't necessarily a transaction, but the marriage itself is. 2721. betty - 3/7/2002 2:41:58 PM CalGal, 2722. Erin R. - 3/7/2002 2:49:12 PM It's quite possible that I will be young enough to remarry when/if my husband dies. I really don't know that I *would* want to remarry, with or without a pre-nup. 2723. CalGal - 3/7/2002 2:53:33 PM An pre-nup doesn't really protect enough, does it? And even with the assets in the marriage, they'd have to be given to my spouse if I died, rather than whoever I wanted them to go to. I don't know if a pre-nup can cover that as well. 2724. bubbaette - 3/7/2002 2:54:23 PM Interesting discussion about pre-nups. It wasn't an issue between Mike and I when we got married -- neither of us had any assets and we each earn the same amount of money. I thought it was odd that his ex wanted him to get a pre-nup to specify that in the event of his death, his daughter would get any life insurance proceeds and all his assets. Mike said no way -- he provided for his daughter when she was growing up and paid for her college education, but he had no reponsibility for providing her with an inheritance. 2725. bubbaette - 3/7/2002 2:55:23 PM At least in cases of providing an inheritance for grown children. 2726. bubbaette - 3/7/2002 2:56:25 PM 2727. judithathome - 3/7/2002 2:58:03 PM Bubbaette, that is exactly what we think...our kids are grown and have lives of their own and don't need our stuff...my son especially has no interest in much beyond a few material things for sentimental reasons. Keoni's two kids are the same. 2728. CalGal - 3/7/2002 2:58:22 PM I wonder about the rationale that says that children come before the surviving spouse -- second spouse or otherwise. 2729. judithathome - 3/7/2002 2:59:56 PM Why would I want my assets to go to a surviving spouse? 2730. zojak quafeth - 3/7/2002 3:02:16 PM lol. Cal, it sounds as if it relates to a husband, you wanna emasculate it! 2731. CalGal - 3/7/2002 3:02:30 PM ...maybe because you loved that spouse and made a life together? 2732. Erin R. - 3/7/2002 3:03:35 PM I think I'd prefer my assets to go to my child. When you're still a young adult and "coming up" in the world, the assets would be of more benefit to the adult child than to the surviving spouse. 2733. CalGal - 3/7/2002 3:03:39 PM it sounds as if it relates to a husband, you wanna emasculate it! 2734. CalGal - 3/7/2002 3:05:27 PM Erin, 2735. Erin R. - 3/7/2002 3:05:59 PM At one point in my life, I was named as the beneficiary of one of my mother's life insurance policies. 2736. zojak quafeth - 3/7/2002 3:07:07 PM Cal - 2737. Erin R. - 3/7/2002 3:07:25 PM I could see leaving the house to your spouse, but any cash assets I would be inclined to leave to my child. 2738. CalGal - 3/7/2002 3:08:07 PM 2739. judithathome - 3/7/2002 3:08:11 PM That's how I feel about my son; he is able to provide for himself. Of course I'd have left him my estate when he was much younger. 2740. bubbaette - 3/7/2002 3:08:16 PM Why would I want a spouse to get anything beyond what I wanted him to get? 2741. CalGal - 3/7/2002 3:10:47 PM Bubba, 2742. bubbaette - 3/7/2002 3:11:27 PM Why would I want a spouse to get anything beyond what I wanted him to get? 2743. Erin R. - 3/7/2002 3:13:29 PM It depends on the assets. 2744. Snowowl - 3/7/2002 3:19:22 PM I don't think there is any "should" about it. Your assets are yours, to do with as you wish. 2745. bubbaette - 3/7/2002 3:20:31 PM Sorry about the double post. 2746. Erin R. - 3/7/2002 3:21:12 PM Of course, I'm just thinking what some guidelines might be. 2747. CalGal - 3/7/2002 3:23:31 PM Oh, there's definitely no "should" about it. Unfortunately, if you are married, there are "musts" about it, I believe. I'm not sure what they all are. 2748. Slackjaw - 3/7/2002 4:02:24 PM Cal 2749. christipeters - 3/7/2002 4:04:26 PM Of course I'd have left him my estate when he was much younger. 2750. PelleNilsson - 3/7/2002 4:10:36 PM For my information: can parents in the US dispose of their assets as they wish? In other words, can they completely disinherit their children? 2751. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 4:12:11 PM Christip, like any good contract, a prenup should have equal consideration for both contracting parties, but depending on the character, personalities, motives, and relative wealth and power of the contracting parties, that may not always be the case. 2752. thoughtful - 3/7/2002 4:14:44 PM pelle, not a lawyer (a very lawyer-like disclaimer) but parents can disinherit their children, though unless they do it with specific reference to the child it could be contested....s/he meant to include me and just forgot. It helps if the reasons why the decision is being made are explicitly stated in the will. 2753. mgleason - 3/7/2002 4:15:01 PM Pelle, 2754. bubbaette - 3/7/2002 4:16:09 PM Pelle 2755. PelleNilsson - 3/7/2002 4:21:31 PM We have quite complicated inheritance laws here going back to the time when this was an agricultural society. But the gist of it is that the children will always inherit an minimum of 50%, although the parents can prescribe that the surving one will "sit undisturbed" until he or she also dies. 2756. PelleNilsson - 3/7/2002 4:24:14 PM bubba 2757. CalGal - 3/7/2002 4:32:50 PM Pelle, 2758. CalGal - 3/7/2002 4:33:34 PM As for the other question, anyone can inherit by law, but only relatives and spouses can inherit if someone dies intestate. 2759. christipeters - 3/7/2002 4:33:48 PM A prenup affects the costs of not doing those things for the partner protected by it, and the benefit of not doing them for the partner not protected. 2760. mgleason - 3/7/2002 4:35:51 PM On disinheriting children. WRT dying intestate, each state has laws that will distribute property in the absence of a will. The default isn't always the wife. 2761. christipeters - 3/7/2002 4:36:26 PM (sorry, took to long to get that one through. I see this has been addressed and the conversation has moved on) 2762. mgleason - 3/7/2002 4:40:06 PM Here's how Ohio does it, for example: 2763. Slackjaw - 3/7/2002 4:41:37 PM This statement assumes that a pre-nup only protects one partner. 2764. Slackjaw - 3/7/2002 4:44:42 PM Another point - in these days of no-fault divorce, you really don't have any control over whether you are divorced. Even if you want to work really really hard at saving the marriage, the other person can divorce you anyway. 2765. Absensia - 3/7/2002 4:44:54 PM The descent and distribution statute only comes into play if the deceased has no will. Of course, parties can execute prenups, but they have to be valid...full disclosure of assets by both parties, time for the "weaker" party to get independent counsel, being told that the "stronger" party's attorney explain s/he cannot represent both parties. As far as children... 2766. CalGal - 3/7/2002 4:47:11 PM Christi, is it your contention that the probability a marriage ends in divorce in unaffected by the behavior of one or both partners? 2767. Absensia - 3/7/2002 4:48:10 PM The parties can write "joint" wills...they are considered contracts and cannot be changed later unless both agree. In the wills of each, the parties agree how the children, (ours, his, hers) are to inherit, how the surviving spouse is to inheret, etc. This means the parties can agree the surviving spouse can keep the house until death, not change the will as to what kids inheret, etc. 2768. judithathome - 3/7/2002 4:49:46 PM Not a whole lot, actually 2769. Slackjaw - 3/7/2002 4:49:49 PM Not a whole lot, actually. 2770. christipeters - 3/7/2002 4:50:37 PM The statement was: A prenup affects the costs of not doing those things for the partner protected by it, and the benefit of not doing them for the partner not protected. (emphasis added) 2771. mgleason - 3/7/2002 4:52:55 PM I posted Ohio's D & D as a follow-up to my comment about dying intestate and the surviving wife not always being the default, Abs. 2772. Slackjaw - 3/7/2002 4:53:18 PM So isn't this presuming that the protection is for only one partner? 2773. Slackjaw - 3/7/2002 4:55:18 PM it is not necessarily the case 2774. CalGal - 3/7/2002 4:59:22 PM Slack, 2775. christipeters - 3/7/2002 5:01:36 PM Getting a divorce cannot be stopped in the no fault case, conditional on one or both parties wanting a divorce, that is true. And what affects whether that condition obtains? The behavior of the partners, for one thing. 2776. Slackjaw - 3/7/2002 5:02:02 PM Cal, obviously you know the sorts of things I'm thinking about so let's save some time and you say why you don't think they contribute to divorce. 2777. Slackjaw - 3/7/2002 5:03:45 PM Sometimes, however, one partner desires what the other is incapable of supplying for one reason or another. You cannot know, as you marry in a rosy glow of love, lust, and commitment, how you or your partner may change in response to multiple kicks in the teeth by Life. 2778. christipeters - 3/7/2002 5:04:15 PM So, slackjaw, is there always a partner less protected? You cannot see a situation where a pre-nup would benefit both partners equally? 2779. christipeters - 3/7/2002 5:15:20 PM Since the life situations, the personalities, the emotional and mental resources, and the expectations each individual brings to a marriage not only vary from individual to individual, but for individual as time passes, I don't see how you can "assign probabilities" with any degree of accuracy. 2780. Slackjaw - 3/7/2002 5:36:11 PM So, slackjaw, is there always a partner less protected? You cannot see a situation where a pre-nup would benefit both partners equally? 2781. Absensia - 3/7/2002 5:42:16 PM Maria, I saw that you did that, and I'm not disagreeing. I was just adding my 2 cents worth. Our descent and distribution statute (RCW 11.015) is somewhat different, though not a lot, but the differences are mainly because Washington is a community property state. 2782. christipeters - 3/7/2002 6:46:37 PM "It doesn't matter if they are equally protected or not. If partner A is protected, for any given protection for partner B, that reduces partner A's cost of dissolution, and therefore the cost of things that contribute to it." 2783. christipeters - 3/7/2002 6:55:08 PM Never mind. I have to go home now and probably won't be able to come back to The Mote for a couple of days. 2784. Shannon - 3/7/2002 7:19:11 PM Until fairly recently (within the last 10 years, I think) you could not disinherit your kids here. You now can if they are self-supporting and over, I think, 25. 2785. concerned - 3/7/2002 7:54:57 PM One or two of these made me laugh out loud: 2786. concerned - 3/7/2002 7:55:07 PM 18.) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. 2787. vw - 3/8/2002 7:51:27 AM You can't affect whether someone wanting a divorce can get one, but you can affect whether they want one or not. 2788. CalGal - 3/8/2002 9:40:03 AM Yes, exactly. I was trying to think of a way to say this, as well as looking for stats on divorce "cause" that would illustrate. Unfortunately, all my queries turned up "divorce reform" sites or those involving divorce and children. 2789. christipeters - 3/8/2002 10:07:05 AM That is such crap! I can't believe that how another person treats you has NO bearing on whether or not you want to maintain a relationship with them. 2790. CalGal - 3/8/2002 10:30:02 AM Christi, 2791. zojak quafeth - 3/8/2002 10:40:42 AM Can you do something that will increase the chances that the other person will want a divorce? No, you can't. 2792. zojak quafeth - 3/8/2002 10:57:11 AM I've known my spouse for almost 20 years and we've been married for almost 13. I have a pretty good idea that I could start doing some things that would increase the chances that she would want a divorce. 2793. Wombat - 3/8/2002 10:58:51 AM But three would be OK? 2794. rubberducky - 3/8/2002 11:06:55 AM only on Thursday, Wombat 2795. christipeters - 3/8/2002 11:34:45 AM Ah, but CalGal, that is not the only scenario. 2796. CalGal - 3/8/2002 11:36:43 AM Christi, when you've finished proving my point, what's your point? 2797. Cellar Door - 3/8/2002 11:46:21 AM 2798. christipeters - 3/8/2002 12:08:16 PM People change. Relationships change. This isn't always predictable. 2799. Cellar Door - 3/8/2002 12:13:42 PM 2800. slackjaw - 3/8/2002 12:44:58 PM Cal 2801. slackjaw - 3/8/2002 12:45:19 PM Can you do something that will increase the chances that the other person will want a divorce? No, you can't. It depends on what the other person wants or is willing to tolerate, and there is just no reasonable way of predicting that. 2802. vw - 3/8/2002 12:48:34 PM christip - 2803. slackjaw - 3/8/2002 12:52:31 PM My point was that yes, in some situations one spouse’s behavior can have either a positive or negative impact on the other spouse’s desire to divorce. But in many situations, it doesn’t matter what Spouse A did, didn’t, does or doesn’t do; Spouse B is going to want out of the marriage. 2804. CalGal - 3/8/2002 1:41:47 PM Slack, 2805. vw - 3/8/2002 1:48:50 PM Power down Slack ... a simple "you misunderstood me, I didn't mean that to apply to all situations" would have sufficed. 2806. christipeters - 3/8/2002 2:43:34 PM vw - OK, I think you're right. I was perceiving some absolutism on your part that apparently wasn't there. I agree that there are some cases when someone just wants out and there's nothing the other partner can do to change that. The reasons the person wants out may or may not have it's roots in the other partner's behavior. 2807. slackjaw - 3/8/2002 4:25:38 PM Cal 2808. slackjaw - 3/8/2002 4:30:22 PM There are a zillion ways to die, and far too many of them are completely outside the control of the policy owner. That is entirely true of divorce, too. 2809. jexster - 3/16/2002 10:21:13 PM A Brookings Institution study 2810. wonkers2 - 3/16/2002 11:02:52 PM I heard a professor from India describing a study of Hindu-Muslim violence. Main conclusions--the number of incidents was much greater in large cities than in small towns and among the cities the distinguishing characteristic of those with few incidents of Hindu-Muslim violence was that the various adult professional and business organizations (doctors, lawyers, etc.) were not segregated by religion, eg, all the doctors were in a single organization, whereas in the cities that experienced the most religious violence, the professional organizations were segregated by religion, eg there were two doctor's organizations, one Hindu and one Muslim. 2811. LohrM - 3/23/2002 2:21:09 PM Well, jeez, gay culture in a city can obviously be seen as a proxy for vibrancy. Gay culture can be taken as a proxy for things like galleries, chic restaurants, dance clubs, the arts, fashion, and sexual tolerance (which spills over into hetero-sex). Follow the gays, find the hot straight/bi art-school girls. Old and most useful tactic. 2812. CalGal - 4/6/2002 4:23:58 PM I am definitely getting obsessed with all these parent murderers, but bear with me. 2813. CalGal - 4/6/2002 4:29:38 PM I posted about them both in Current Events, but something happened today that caused me to want to rant about it in another context. 2814. wonkers2 - 4/6/2002 4:46:26 PM The social fabric is unravelling. 2815. vw - 4/8/2002 8:13:05 AM 2816. judithathome - 4/8/2002 9:08:26 AM Maybe this bleeding heart prose is inspired by the fact all reporters had mothers but maybe they didn't know their fathers... 2817. vw - 4/8/2002 10:51:17 AM Remember when we used to believe that journalists where impartial professionals capable of reporting events with at least a semblance of unbiased content? 2818. judithathome - 4/8/2002 11:04:04 AM Sure...but that was before NOW. ;-) 2819. Cellar Door - 4/8/2002 11:34:21 AM Maybe if the story had opened with the words "Because all women are essentially evil -- " you wouldn't have found any objection to it. 2820. betty - 4/8/2002 1:42:08 PM Well, the question becomes did the mother have a documented "anger" problem? the former cop did enough for it to be the stated demise of his marriage...but you are hitting on something and that's the different ways that mental illness manifest in Men and Women. Statistically, women are more likely to be "depressed" yet the more research that's being done the less this seems true, it's just that men and women exhibit different symptoms of depression...this guy's "explosive temper" was probably a sign of depression not that he was a complete jack ass. 2821. CalGal - 4/8/2002 1:53:11 PM Look at the opening sentence of the mother killer article. 2822. betty - 4/8/2002 2:04:07 PM Cal, 2823. betty - 4/8/2002 2:05:22 PM "marits", "their psychos"...I'm on a role today 2824. CalGal - 4/8/2002 2:13:41 PM Betty, 2825. CalGal - 4/8/2002 2:16:06 PM Oh, and I'm not discussing "mental illness". I'm discussing the articles, and the rather appalling bias they reveal. 2826. betty - 4/8/2002 2:23:11 PM Cal, 2827. CalGal - 4/8/2002 2:26:02 PM But then why respond at all? After all, there is no sign that either was mentally ill. 2828. Cellar Door - 4/8/2002 3:08:58 PM CG is upset that the jury didn't got for the Death Penalty and have Andrea Yates fried on pay-per-view. 2829. CalGal - 4/8/2002 3:15:27 PM The thing that bothers me so much about these two pieces, written at the same point in both instances, is when we give the focus to the mother, the victims are secondary--and she is one of them. (The memorial is for "the entire family", btw, whereas the memorial in the Willis murders was "for the victims".) 2830. Ms. No - 4/8/2002 3:18:28 PM Well, not necessarily. If she shot him twice she's still got a bullet for each of her daughters and herself. Or she could shoot him three times, each daughter once and then reload to shoot herself. 2831. CalGal - 4/8/2002 3:19:11 PM The article says "repeatedly", which means more than twice. She also shot her younger daughter twice. 2832. CalGal - 4/8/2002 3:20:22 PM Oh, wait--on the younger daughter it's been reported as probably twice, sorry. 2833. CalGal - 4/8/2002 3:21:27 PM Here it is 2834. Ms. No - 4/8/2002 3:22:20 PM Coolio. Repeatedly implies more than twice, but it really only means more than once. ---I'm not claiming that she didn't reload or didn't shoot him a half dozen times, only that it's possible she only shot him twice and therefore didn't have to reload to shoot the girls. 2835. Ms. No - 4/8/2002 3:23:04 PM x-post 2836. CalGal - 4/8/2002 3:27:15 PM I believe the little girl was shot twice as well; apparently in the same place. She just pulled the trigger twice. That's what the Merc article implies. 2837. Ms. No - 4/8/2002 3:28:27 PM ugh. 2838. concerned - 4/8/2002 3:37:28 PM Re. 2813 - 2839. Ms. No - 4/8/2002 3:38:47 PM The only reason anyone wants to put you on a pedestal is to make it easier to look up your skirt. 2840. concerned - 4/8/2002 3:43:56 PM I really think many women like to believe that they have a special moral dispensation, merely because of their gender. Hence, the difference in news writing style which caters to such that CalGal exampled. 2841. Ms. No - 4/8/2002 3:46:54 PM I think many people, men and women alike, buy into the idea of the moral superiority of women, mothers in particular. More good, more righteous, more kind, more civilized, more forgiving, more flexible etc. etc. etc. 2842. concerned - 4/8/2002 3:54:44 PM Re. 2841 - 2843. jexster - 4/8/2002 5:47:24 PM Project Open Hand just delivered a cake to me from Rubicon Bakery, a non-profit that helps the poor get on their feet. 2844. judithathome - 4/8/2002 5:50:34 PM Sounds like a really great place, Jex...how's the cake? 2845. vw - 4/9/2002 12:02:35 PM Maybe if the story had opened with the words "Because all women are essentially evil -- " you wouldn't have found any objection to it. 2846. CalGal - 4/9/2002 12:07:57 PM Exactly. A man kills his family, it's a tragedy that they couldn't protect themselves from. A woman kills her family, she's a victim. How she suffered! 2847. AytchMan - 4/9/2002 4:32:41 PM It's regularly said (by each generation) that morals are worse than ever. I'm inclined to think that the really depraved stuff just gets more press. 2848. CalGal - 4/9/2002 4:39:31 PM No. I think that the areas in which we cheat have changed, though. 2849. judithathome - 4/9/2002 4:40:32 PM I used to think morals were decaying but I've talked to the father of a friend about it; he was a vice cop in Miami and he's older than I am and he has convinced me that your are correct when you say it all gets more press these days...he says there is nothing new about man's inhumanity to man except for the 6 o'clock news reporting it more thoroughly than before. 2850. AytchMan - 4/9/2002 4:58:16 PM I agree with both of you. 2851. CalGal - 4/9/2002 4:59:53 PM I don't know if the restrictions have been lifted, but the rewards have been increased. 2852. Cellar Door - 4/9/2002 5:36:39 PM "I really think many women like to believe that they have a special moral dispensation, merely because of their gender." 2853. Rama - 4/9/2002 7:17:08 PM Hey, don't leave Cellar Door off the list. Different gender, but still a belief in a special moral dispensation. 2854. Cellar Door - 4/9/2002 8:35:29 PM Really? Do you really think I believe Dick Armey deserves special moral dispensation because he's a closet queen? 2855. Rama - 4/9/2002 9:32:19 PM No. I didn't post anything about Dick Armey. Do you really think you are the same gender as Dick Armey? 2856. OhioSTOPAS - 4/10/2002 6:57:41 AM An op-ed piece in today's Columbus Dispatch by a conservative economist says, in passing: 2857. OhioSTOPAS - 4/10/2002 7:00:26 AM The op-ed also says that extending unemployment benefits "work[s] against growth." Says the author, ". . . extending unemployment benefits increases unemployment." 2858. vw - 4/10/2002 8:02:51 AM Cellar, please either make a point refuting CG opinion or don't post. But as it has been explained in this thread several times before, I will remove posts that have no other content or purpose over name calling, sneaker pissing or agitating. 2859. Rama - 4/10/2002 9:50:41 AM Wow! I didn't know that. 2860. betty - 4/10/2002 10:29:53 AM Rama, 2861. thoughtful - 4/10/2002 10:37:03 AM Gee, Rama, what do you suppose caused the unemployment rate to rise from 3.9% in October 2000 to the current 5.7%? They only recently extended unemployment benefits. Did workers leave in anticipation of extended unemployment benefits? That's it. A conspiracy by workers saying if enough of us quit, Congress will pay us to stay home! 2862. CalGal - 4/10/2002 10:39:53 AM pay (in and of itself) is not an effective motivator. 2863. OhioSTOPAS - 4/10/2002 10:54:35 AM As Thoughtful said, no one is going to quit work (or allow himself/herself to be fired) because unemployment insurance will be for 39 weeks rather than 26 (or whatever it is). The author's contention that extending the benefit period for the EXISTING unemployed population "increases unemployment" is therefore dubious. 2864. CalGal - 4/10/2002 11:12:23 AM Ohio, I'm pretty sure that more generous benefits are associated with longer spells of unemployment. But maybe thoughtful or Slack or someone has a study on it; I might not know all the details. 2865. OhioSTOPAS - 4/10/2002 11:54:07 AM Certainly, hungry and broke people will look harder for work and be even less selective than an unemployed person would usually be. I'm not disputing that. 2866. Adrianne - 4/10/2002 12:02:53 PM 2867. bubbaette - 4/10/2002 12:25:42 PM In my state, the # of weeks UI eligibility tops out at 26 though the average duration of benefits is 10 weeks -- clearly most people don't postpone their job search until their benefits expire. The average duration does increase as the unemployment rate increases, meaning the more people who are unemployed, the harder it is to find a job. There are two reasons for this -- fewer jobs and more competition. That's when extended UI benefits come in. Perhaps Rama would like to see a return to soup kitchens and poor houses for those who lose their jobs. 2868. Cellar Door - 4/10/2002 12:35:37 PM "Cellar, please either make a point refuting CG opinion or don't post. But as it has been explained in this thread several times before, I will remove posts that have no other content or purpose over name calling, sneaker pissing or agitating." 2869. Cellar Door - 4/10/2002 12:41:08 PM It's rather hard to "refute" what you refer to as CG's "opinion." She's been on a woman-hating rampage of late. Taking her cue from Bernard Goldberg, she apparently feels there's been "bias" in crime reporting, with murderous women being "let off the hook" rhetoricaly-speaking. 2870. Adrianne - 4/10/2002 12:53:12 PM Cellar, it doesn't make one a woman-hater to recognize the difference in which women criminals and men criminals are portrayed in the media. 2871. concerned - 4/10/2002 1:42:50 PM 2872. CalGal - 4/10/2002 1:47:29 PM The whole comparison is moronic, anyway. Who says that the hours women spend on housework is necessary, anyway? They're not the absolute arbiter of the subject. 2873. AytchMan - 4/10/2002 4:44:18 PM ohio 856-- 2874. AytchMan - 4/10/2002 4:51:18 PM ohio 857-- 2875. wonkers2 - 4/10/2002 4:54:27 PM Unemployment compensation decreases unemployment because it helps maintain purchasing power during recessions. It is designed to have a counter-cyclical effect. As with other public and private benefits, a small percentage of people abuse the system. People who quit their jobs and those who are fired for misconduct are not eligible. It is intended for individuals who are laid off and actively looking for another job. 2876. AytchMan - 4/10/2002 4:57:31 PM ohio 863-- 2877. AytchMan - 4/10/2002 5:07:34 PM wonkers-- 2878. CalGal - 4/10/2002 6:02:31 PM Aytch, 2879. CalGal - 4/10/2002 6:10:58 PM Ohio, 2880. AytchMan - 4/10/2002 6:13:02 PM cal-- 2881. AytchMan - 4/10/2002 6:16:20 PM cal-- 2882. Rama - 4/11/2002 10:24:05 AM Certainly, hungry and broke people will look harder for work and be even less selective than an unemployed person would usually be. I'm not disputing that. 2883. OhioSTOPAS - 4/11/2002 10:30:12 AM But they're already unemployed. How does an unemployed person increase the rate of unemployment by remaining unemployed? 2884. betty - 4/11/2002 10:43:40 AM Ohio, 2885. judithathome - 4/11/2002 11:03:57 AM Why wouldn't it just be 100 people unemployed for 20 weeks? 2886. thoughtful - 4/11/2002 11:07:52 AM There is structural unemployment and cyclical unemployment. 2887. bubbaette - 4/11/2002 11:10:04 AM Unemployment insurance does not replace total earnings. In my state, the replacement rate is generally around 52% unless you earn more than $36K/year, at which rate the benefit tops out. The top benefit (for those earning about $36K/yar and above) is $368/week. UI doesn't replace or pay anything toward health insurance. 2888. judithathome - 4/11/2002 11:10:08 AM Betty...as Rosanne Rosannadanna said, "Never mind...." 2889. wonkers2 - 4/11/2002 11:15:14 AM AytchMan, Your question assumes that unemployment is attributable to the behavior of unemployed individuals. This is no doubt true for a small percentage of unemployed people. The majority are unemployed involuntarily due to lack of demand for the products they make. For example, in my home state, Michigan, the unemployment rate depends largely on car sales which depend on macro economic factors (and foreign competition). 2890. AytchMan - 4/11/2002 3:53:51 PM wonkers-- 2891. wonkers2 - 4/11/2002 4:49:59 PM My impression is that the abuse rate is much lower than 10%. The number of unemployed who fail to become eligible because they are unable to navigate the maze of regulations correctly or because they are chiseled out of benefits by their employers is much greater than the number who get benefits to which they are not entitled. As I recall only around 70 percent of the unemployed qualify for benefits. In Michigan you cannot become eligible after resigning unless you can prove that you resigned "for cause" i.e. repeated and documented sexual harrassment or discrimination or being forced to work in unsafe conditions, after reporting them, etc. It is very hard to quit and get benefits. The courts have ruled that a reasonable person in most circumstances will continue to work while looking for a job rather than quit and then look for another job. 2892. CalGal - 4/11/2002 5:36:51 PM Wonk, 2893. CalGal - 4/11/2002 5:45:02 PM Fiscal Year 2000 Budget Request for the OIG, Department of Labor 2894. wonkers2 - 4/11/2002 5:54:21 PM Part of what the Labor Dept is talking about is UI tax avoidance by employers who claim their employees are independent contractors. Undoubtedly there are also benefit overpayments. But the law provides for repayment and for triple damages in cases of fraud. However, it's hard to collect money from unemployed people. $500 million minus $250 million recovered sounds like a big number, but it is a small percentage of total benefits paid. The number for unemployed people who should be eligible for benefits but who fail to qualify is much bigger, in my opinion. (I can't cite figures, but I'm open to being proven wrong.) 2895. wonkers2 - 4/11/2002 5:58:52 PM There are substantial safeguards in the system. When someone applies for UC the employer is notified and given a chance to object. And computers are used to check by SS# to make sure people who are drawing benefits are telling the truth in their weekly reports on earnings. Of course some people work for cash and draw benefits. That's hard to stop, but the amounts involved tend to be small. 2896. Rama - 4/11/2002 8:32:58 PM Now what we should know is that availability of jobs actually determines level and length of unemployment not length of unemployment benefits. 2897. Rama - 4/11/2002 8:35:09 PM Lengthening the benefits payments during times of economic distress can be a boon to the economy overall. 2898. CalGal - 4/11/2002 8:38:51 PM Wonkers, 2899. Rama - 4/11/2002 8:39:25 PM The majority are unemployed involuntarily due to lack of demand for the products they make. 2900. Rama - 4/11/2002 8:43:37 PM My impression is that the abuse rate is much lower than 10%. The number of unemployed who fail to become eligible because they are unable to navigate the maze of regulations correctly or because they are chiseled out of benefits by their employers is much greater than the number who get benefits to which they are not entitled. 2901. bubbaette - 4/11/2002 9:38:23 PM There is a whole body of law and case law as far as who is considered an independent contractor for purposes of unemployment insurance taxation. There is certainly a huge trend for employers to wish to treat more and more employees as independent contractors. There are certain positions that are stipulated in state law as independent contractors -- real estate and insurance brokers, certain truck drivers, individuals whose employers exercise no control over their working hours or manner of work and whose compensation comes solely from fees charged for services. Buy unless these conditions are met, the employee is not considered an independent contractor. It is against federal law to require an employee to waive eligibility for UI as a condition of employment. 2902. bubbaette - 4/11/2002 9:50:52 PM As for people qualifying if they leave their job voluntarily and continue to be unemployed for a certain length of time, it's certainly not a feature of our state's law. 2903. bubbaette - 4/11/2002 9:56:29 PM This is simply not true. 2904. wonkers2 - 4/11/2002 10:06:11 PM I don't have documentation that the rate of UC fraud is less than 10 percent. Do you have documentation that it is higher? 2905. wonkers2 - 4/11/2002 10:14:06 PM Cal "so the government wants to make as many UI collections as they can whether workers file for unemployment compensation or not." 2906. bubbaette - 4/11/2002 10:21:36 PM As far as the notion that it's desirable for people to take crappy jobs for which they are overqualified: It doesn't benefit the employer to hire people likely to be dissatisfied in their jobs and who will leave at the first opportunity. It doesn't benefit the individual, certainly, to take a job that is far inferior to his or her previous job, both for the lower compensation and for reduced personal satisfaction. It doesn't even benefit the government who is likely to lose over the long haul more in tax receipts than is paid in benefits. 2907. bubbaette - 4/11/2002 10:28:30 PM Not only is there no incentive to collect more taxes than are needed to pay benefits (at least on the state level), it is also against federal law to collect taxes based on employees who are not eligible to draw benefits. So any state that is levying UI taxes based on the earnings of independent contractors is breaking the law. Also, by federal law, funds placed into the state UI trust fund can be used ONLY to pay benefits and are not counted in the state's budget to offset other spending. 2908. wonkers2 - 4/11/2002 10:33:59 PM 2909. bubbaette - 4/11/2002 10:40:43 PM Fun Fact -- because of the fiscal strength of Virginia's UI trust fund, between 60 to 67% of the employers in the state paid NO state UI taxes from 1997 through present. 2910. wonkers2 - 4/11/2002 10:44:44 PM Are you in the biz? 2911. CalGal - 4/11/2002 10:45:54 PM But unemployment benefits are not charity or welfare. 2912. CalGal - 4/11/2002 10:47:36 PM because of the fiscal strength of Virginia's UI trust fund 2913. Rama - 4/11/2002 10:50:46 PM But it simply IS true, regardless of Rama's insistance. 2914. wonkers2 - 4/11/2002 10:52:16 PM Cal, You are wrong when you say that high paid workers are very unlikely to make unemployment claims. Plenty of people with incomes well over $100k are laid off and collect UC as they have every right to do while they are looking for another job. You may be assured that many former Enron and Andersen, and for that matter Silicon Valley, employees are collecting UC as we speak. 2915. Rama - 4/11/2002 10:53:45 PM I don't have documentation that the rate of UC fraud is less than 10 percent. Do you have documentation that it is higher? 2916. wonkers2 - 4/11/2002 11:00:56 PM My recollection is that in Michigan only about 70 percent of those eligible actually draw unemployment compensation and the remainder don't collect either because they don't file or fail to correctly follow the filing and reporting procedures. The filing and reporting rules are fairly complicated and quite strict. Moreover, employers frequently protest claims filed by their former employes. And the appeal procedures are also fairly complicated and quite strict. The 70 percent figure is from memory of something I read. I will try to document it. 2917. CalGal - 4/11/2002 11:05:35 PM You are wrong when you say that high paid workers are very unlikely to make unemployment claims. 2918. Rama - 4/11/2002 11:06:29 PM As far as the notion that it's desirable for people to take crappy jobs for which they are overqualified: 2919. wonkers2 - 4/11/2002 11:06:39 PM "Unemployment fraud is a white collar crime and its one of the major categories. I imagine it costs the states a lot of money." 2920. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 7:43:18 AM Are you in the biz? 2921. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 7:53:44 AM Actually, they are a form of income transfer. The lower your salary, the higher percentage of your income you receive in benefits. 2922. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 8:11:54 AM And my question is answered. Where do you suppose they get all that money, if it isn't collecting premiums that aren't paid? 2923. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 8:12:16 AM However, the recent upswing in the unemployment rate in Virginia has centered in the D.C. suburbs, and high tech industries have been hard hit. In addition, the attack on the Pentagon and the temporary closure of National Airport added thousands to the unemployment roles and many of these were highly compensated individuals who draw the maximum benefit. 2924. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 8:33:48 AM Rama 2925. Rama - 4/12/2002 9:44:12 AM I work with lots of electrical engineers and very few of them are qualified to work as ditch diggers. However, being a ditch digger does not prevent anybody from looking for a better job. And one of the strongest coorelates to finding a new job is being employed. 2926. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 9:50:11 AM The fact is that you know nothing about the subject and can't back up your assertions but till insist on making blanket statements that portray the world according to your crabbed outlook. 2927. Rama - 4/12/2002 10:15:33 AM The fact is that everything I have posted on this topic is true, and that pisses you off. 2928. wonkers2 - 4/12/2002 10:17:52 AM Rama, You are an ignoramus and a nasty one at that. 2929. betty - 4/12/2002 10:24:15 AM Oh I think Rama's kind of cute, all that flailing about. Though if he does continue with this I will have to find my "knowledge" dildo and shove it up his butt. 2930. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 10:25:25 AM Wonk 2931. wonkers2 - 4/12/2002 11:04:17 AM Yes, once upon a time. Reviewing appeals of ALJ decisions. 2932. thoughtful - 4/12/2002 11:08:58 AM "And one of the strongest coorelates [sic] to finding a new job is being employed." 2933. wonkers2 - 4/12/2002 11:29:00 AM Very true. Minor point, however, instead of "subsidization of unemployment," I would say subsidization of job searches by unemployed individuals. The truth is that most people prefer to be productively employed at full pay to being subsidized at a fraction of their normal earnings. Of course, a small percentage take advantage of the system. Rama's fallacy is assuming that everybody thinks the same way he does, and thus attempts to take advantage of the system. 2934. thoughtful - 4/12/2002 12:55:07 PM From a study done by Orley Ashenfelter, David Ashmore, Olivier Deschenes: 2935. CalGal - 4/12/2002 1:03:32 PM Bubba, 2936. Rama - 4/12/2002 1:06:30 PM Rama, You are an ignoramus and a nasty one at that. 2937. Rama - 4/12/2002 1:14:33 PM It is clear you don't understand the difference between a major factor and a minor one. 2938. Rama - 4/12/2002 1:17:34 PM Minor point, however, instead of "subsidization of unemployment," I would say subsidization of job searches by unemployed individuals. 2939. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 1:24:59 PM Argue all you like, Cal. But the state specifically changed the law so as NOT to collect taxes from nearly 2/3 of Virginia employers for the past five years -- those who are not paying are the ones who've not laid anyone off for the past four years. If the business has a high experience rating, it's because they have laid off more people -- the more claims, the higher the tax. So you see, the fewer claims you've had, the less tax you pay -- directly contrary to your argument. 2940. thoughtful - 4/12/2002 1:27:18 PM Rama, Re lengthening of benefits It doesn't change the fact that the level of unemployment is also increased. 2941. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 1:27:54 PM As for my flights of fancy, Rama, if you consider an intimate knowlege of the law in this area to be a flight of fancy as opposed to your utter ignorance on the subject, that tells us how trustworthy your "facts" are in general. Better to quit while you're behind. 2942. CalGal - 4/12/2002 1:31:46 PM So you see, the fewer claims you've had, the less tax you pay -- directly contrary to your argument 2943. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 1:39:58 PM I'm not sure that you have a point, frankly, except to be contrary. You have said repeatedly that the government wants to collect all the taxes possible, particularly taxes paid on people who won't collect benefits. I've countered that 1) it is against federal law to collect taxes for employees who are not eligible to collect benefits; and 2944. thoughtful - 4/12/2002 1:45:00 PM Thinking I could confuse Bbbtts' viewpoint with Rama's.....another flight of fancy. 2945. betty - 4/12/2002 2:18:58 PM Cal, 2946. Rama - 4/12/2002 2:58:51 PM From a review of studies of the impacts of unemployment insurance done by Linda Aguilar at the Chicago Federal Reserve Bank, there is 2947. thoughtful - 4/12/2002 3:01:10 PM 1991 2948. Rama - 4/12/2002 3:02:59 PM As for my flights of fancy, Rama, if you consider an intimate knowlege of the law in this area to be a flight of fancy as opposed to your utter ignorance on the subject, that tells us how trustworthy your "facts" are in general. Better to quit while you're behind. 2949. CalGal - 4/12/2002 3:06:08 PM 2) taxes are experience rated so that those employers who lay off employees are taxed at a higher rate than those who lay off none. 2950. CalGal - 4/12/2002 3:07:32 PM They aren't employees. ....in the sense that you are thinking of them. They won't be filing for benefits not because they are well-paid, but because they don't consider themselves to have been laid off. 2951. Rama - 4/12/2002 3:15:38 PM your point is obviously unclear, perhaps you aren't actually writing what you think you are writing, try again 2952. Rama - 4/12/2002 3:17:16 PM 1991 2953. thoughtful - 4/12/2002 3:26:10 PM Rama, You've done nothing but make assertions without any supporting evidence. When I provide evidence to the contrary all you can do is trash it because it wasn't done last week. I won't waste my time any more. 2954. betty - 4/12/2002 4:00:26 PM Rama, 2955. betty - 4/12/2002 4:02:05 PM "this author" referring to Cal as she is the author being discussed. 2956. Rama - 4/12/2002 4:06:58 PM Third, long potential benefit duration can contribute to increases in actual benefit duration. While empirical estimates vary, each added week of potential duration adds from 0.1 to 0.2 weeks to actual duration (studies from the United States). 2957. Rama - 4/12/2002 4:11:03 PM if an author has an intended point but is unable to communicate that intended point--clearly--to it's intended audience 2958. Rama - 4/12/2002 4:14:04 PM if an author has an intended point but is unable to communicate that intended point--clearly--to it's intended audience then they, as Bubba put it, don't have a point. 2959. CalGal - 4/12/2002 4:14:21 PM 2960. CalGal - 4/12/2002 4:14:57 PM Oops--toycheck. 2961. Rama - 4/12/2002 4:16:21 PM In 2958 I could claim that I didn't understand that your point was about CalGal's signal rather than bubbaette's reception. But it wouldn't be any more true than bubbaette's claim, or your support of that claim. 2962. thoughtful - 4/12/2002 4:31:25 PM Rama, From your own cite, though you didn't provide one, "In data from the monthly household labor force survey, median and mean duration (of incomplete spells) between the 1970s and 1990s both increased by more than 20 percent even though the average unemployment rate was higher in the 1970s. Data from UI programs in the U.S. show a lengthened duration in benefit status. The mean in UI data has been higher by about one week in the 1990s compared to the 1970s, and the benefit exhaustion rate has been higher by six to seven percentage points." 2963. betty - 4/12/2002 4:32:16 PM Rama, 2964. CalGal - 4/12/2002 4:36:17 PM Christ, betty, stop talking about me. Or take it to the Inferno. You aren't even talking about what I was saying--which you, too, apparently didn't understand--but about me. I'm sure there are people who are fascinated by your opinions about me, but it's not for this thread. 2965. judithathome - 4/12/2002 4:42:07 PM Yes, Betty...quit talking about Cal but let her talk about Bubba...it is to laugh! 2966. betty - 4/12/2002 4:46:05 PM Oh I'm sorry Cal, I didn't know that you ruled this thread as well...send vw an e-mail and have her delete my post, 'kay, but you aren't authority around here...it was on topic to what Rama said and more than that it's a relevant concern in a written forum. bite my ass. 2967. KuligintheHooligan - 4/12/2002 4:53:50 PM Reproductive Technologies 2968. CalGal - 4/12/2002 5:00:43 PM Kuligin, 2969. Rama - 4/12/2002 5:00:48 PM Rama, From your own cite, though you didn't provide one, 2970. wonkers2 - 4/12/2002 5:06:53 PM CalRama, Niether of you know much about the subject of UI. Both of you are spouting simplistic opinions which bear little relationship to reality. The system has been around for many years and is supported as useful by just about everyone, Democrat and Republican, and economists of every stripe. I helps limit the depth and duration of recessions and it keeps involuntarily unemployed individuals off the bread lines until the economy improves and they are recalled by their employer or find another job. If you feel so strongly that the program is ineffective why don't your write your Senator or Congressman or go to the library and read up on the subject instead of wasting everybody's time with you uninformed, simplistic opinions. 2971. CalGal - 4/12/2002 5:17:02 PM Wonkers, 2972. thoughtful - 4/12/2002 5:21:27 PM I'll try one last time. 2973. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 5:47:37 PM Cal 2974. Rama - 4/12/2002 5:52:09 PM CalRama, Niether of you know much about the subject of UI. Both of you are spouting simplistic opinions which bear little relationship to reality. The system has been around for many years and is supported as useful by just about everyone, Democrat and Republican, and economists of every stripe. I helps limit the depth and duration of recessions and it keeps involuntarily unemployed individuals off the bread lines until the economy improves and they are recalled by their employer or find another job. If you feel so strongly that the program is ineffective why don't your write your Senator or Congressman or go to the library and read up on the subject instead of wasting everybody's time with you uninformed, simplistic opinions. 2975. Rama - 4/12/2002 5:59:31 PM I'll try one last time. 2976. wonkers2 - 4/12/2002 6:03:55 PM ??? Please translate into English. 2977. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 6:10:57 PM Does the study mention that in cases in which the duration of benefits is increased it is in direct response to a significant increase in the unemployment rate? The duration of benefits is set in state law. Most states duration is set at 26 weeks though there are a few shorter and a few longer. The only time that the duration is increased (again by statute) is when the insured unemployement rate in the state experiences a sustained increase. So it follows that when the unemployment rate has experienced a sustained and substantial increase, of course the time individuals spend looking for a job is going to increase --there are fewer jobs and more people looking. That's the reason for the statutory triggers for the increase in duration in the first place. 2978. wonkers2 - 4/12/2002 6:12:21 PM Opinions are like assholes--everybody has one, especially on social and economic policy. Bubbaette, Thoughtful and I have some actual experience and knowledge about Unemployment Insurance. You have opinions and whatever you may have gleaned from a couple of Google searches in the past couple of days. If you paid attention you might learn something. 2979. Rama - 4/12/2002 6:20:00 PM ??? Please translate into English 2980. Rama - 4/12/2002 6:24:47 PM Does the study mention that in cases in which the duration of benefits is increased it is in direct response to a significant increase in the unemployment rate? 2981. thoughtful - 4/12/2002 6:29:05 PM Thank you Rama. 2982. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 6:29:20 PM Nope -- complaining that when extended benefits trigger on people draw benefits for an extended period of time is like complaining that when you give a hungry person food they will eat it. Extended benefits are in direct response to a sustained and substantial increase in unemployment. A sustained and substantial increase in unemployment makes it harder to find a job and is the REASON extended benefits are provided. 2983. OhioSTOPAS - 4/12/2002 6:40:07 PM " . . . like complaining that when you give a hungry person food they will eat it." 2984. Rama - 4/12/2002 6:55:29 PM Thank you Rama. 2985. Rama - 4/12/2002 6:57:45 PM A sustained and substantial increase in unemployment makes it harder to find a job and is the REASON extended benefits are provided. 2986. Rama - 4/12/2002 6:59:40 PM That's why conservatives don't like giving hungry people food. 2987. CalGal - 4/12/2002 7:29:54 PM Bubba, 2988. CalGal - 4/12/2002 7:34:46 PM Further, I'm not aware of any groundswell among those employed to be classified as independent contractors for this purpose. 2989. bubbaette - 4/12/2002 7:56:33 PM Cal 2990. wonkers2 - 4/12/2002 9:16:55 PM "The government is often the enemy of the highly paid worker." 2991. CalGal - 4/12/2002 9:37:13 PM Bubba, 2992. CalGal - 4/12/2002 9:38:56 PM Remember, this subject came up because wonkers was rebutting my link about economic crime, specifically unemployment fraud, saying that most of it was due to employers wrongly defining employees as independents. But individuals knew what they were doing when they agreed to be contractors--assuming no employer fraud--and if they welch on the deal later, I think that is wrong. 2993. CalGal - 4/12/2002 9:40:43 PM Wonk, 2994. Cellar Door - 4/12/2002 9:41:39 PM "it's one reason that I wanted a decent Republican to run for governor." 2995. wonkers2 - 4/12/2002 10:31:40 PM Cal, You've watched too many Oliver Stone movies. The government has no interest aside from enforcing a law that was intended to tax employers in order to provide for their employees when they are laid off. You anthropomorphize the government as if it were an evil empire. Why not focus on what it is about the law that doesn't work well for independent contractor employees? 2996. wonkers2 - 4/12/2002 10:38:22 PM On the issue of who needs protection, my perception is different from yours. Highly paid individuals need insurance of various kinds, every bit as much as low paid workers--life, health, disability and unemployment. They are happy to collect $300-400 per week for 26 weeks or until they find another job. 2997. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 8:53:15 AM Here's a different issue to chew on: The influence of Corrections Corporation of America on criminal sentencing policy. This morning I caught the tail end of radio commentary on CCA's lobbying in Wisconsin on a recently passed "truth in sentencing" bill that will result in an increase in the state's prison population and more money in CCA's coffers. The commentator had the temerity to question whether a private corporation which stands to profit from more prisoners should be influencing sentencing legislation. Does anybody think this is any different from defense contractors lobbying for increased defense spending? 2998. thoughtful - 4/13/2002 9:00:22 AM Silly Rama. The thank you was for arguing my case for me which you did nicely, though you are probably still unaware of it. You have proven my point. 2999. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 10:15:35 AM Here's another social issue Yale Takes a Stand on Drugs and Financial Aid--will reimburse students whose federal aid is cut off due to drug conviction 3000. CalGal - 4/13/2002 10:32:06 AM Snag 3001. CalGal - 4/13/2002 10:51:35 AM Wonkers, 3002. CalGal - 4/13/2002 10:53:41 AM I have seen UC cases filed by persons who claimed they were employees eligible for UC but whose employers, motivated to avoid the UC payroll tax, protested their eligibility, claiming the workers were independent contractors. 3003. Rama - 4/13/2002 11:30:07 AM Silly Rama. The thank you was for arguing my case for me which you did nicely, though you are probably still unaware of it. You have proven my point. 3004. Rama - 4/13/2002 11:33:46 AM Here's another social issue Yale Takes a Stand on Drugs and Financial Aid--will reimburse students whose federal aid is cut off due to drug conviction 3005. CalGal - 4/13/2002 11:37:42 AM IRS Paid $30 Million In Credits For Slavery 3006. Rama - 4/13/2002 11:37:57 AM I was pleased to see we all agree that parents purposefully deafening their child is wrong. We agree so seldom, it may be worth noting. 3007. Rama - 4/13/2002 11:38:13 AM Here's another social issue Yale Takes a Stand on Drugs and Financial Aid--will reimburse students whose federal aid is cut off due to drug conviction 3008. CalGal - 4/13/2002 11:40:04 AM It's not only wrong, it ought to be criminal. The parents should be declared ineligible for the ADA; after all, they actively seek to give their children the "privilege" of being deaf. 3009. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 12:01:08 PM Cal your posts are so riddled with ignorance and errors that I don't have the time or patience to try to correct them. I might if you were more susceptible to actually learning something instead of spewing out your irrational prejudices against laws and government. 3010. CalGal - 4/13/2002 12:16:55 PM Wonkers, 3011. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 1:01:57 PM Well, I indicated an interest in learning what it is about UI that you feel is not workable or useful or in the interest of individuals who are covered by it, but you didn't get around to explaining yourself. UI doesn't cost covered individuals a penny. It is funded by a tax on employers. So, I find it hard to understand your rejectionist attitude toward it. You don't need it, you don't like it, then don't apply for it. Why wouldn't you want others to be covered who do need it? How should the law be changed? 3012. CalGal - 4/13/2002 1:30:15 PM UI is a state-federal program. 3013. CalGal - 4/13/2002 1:33:15 PM Does this mean that all independent contractors want to do away with all the advantages of employment? Of course not, particularly at the lower end of the scale. Employers do indeed hire people as "independent contractors" when the people involved would truly rather be employees. But the majority of them know what they are doing when they sign up to be contractors. They take the job on the terms offered--then they run and complain to the government after the job is over, either because they don't want to pay taxes owed, or they want unemployment. 3014. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 1:49:28 PM The UI tax is a state payroll tax paid entirely by employers. In Michigan the minimum is under one percent and the maximum is 11 percent. What each employer pays depends on his experience rating, i.e., how many of his employees have been laid off and filed for UC. The auto companies, which have lots of layoffs because their industry is cyclical, generally pay the maximum or close to it. Banks and like employers pay closer to the minimum. The UI is a payroll tax completely separate from and unrelated to FICA and MEDICARE. 3015. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 2:10:21 PM I agree that avoiding FICA is the main motivation of employers to classify people as independent contractors. FICA is a larger tax. However, although usually if an individual is independent for purposes of FICA they are also independent for UI, but not necessarily. The fact that an employer is not paying FICA taxes is not determinative for UI purposes. A separate determination is made in contested cases. 3016. CalGal - 4/13/2002 2:52:47 PM Only if they are collecting benefits. 3017. CalGal - 4/13/2002 3:06:11 PM Another employer motivation is to exclude them from company benefit programs which are a big item. 3018. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 7:41:38 PM Okay, the government is forcing certain people into the status of employees in accordance with the law so that employers will have to pay FICA, and UI taxes, withhold income taxes and stop discriminating against them compared to regular employees in benefit plans. If your approach prevalied, a lot of high paid independent contractors would wake up in their old age in a single room in a flop house, sitting on a sway-backed bed with a bare light bulb hanging down from the ceiling and a half empty bottle of Ripple on the floor. I would hate to see that happen to CalGal! 3019. bubbaette - 4/13/2002 7:43:04 PM Virginia probably achieved this by screwing eligible individuals out of benefits they should be getting and by the fact that so many are government employees who are rarely laid off. 3020. CalGal - 4/13/2002 7:46:46 PM Okay, the government is forcing certain people into the status of employees in accordance with the law so that employers will have to pay FICA, and UI taxes, withhold income taxes and stop discriminating against them compared to regular employees in benefit plans. 3021. CalGal - 4/13/2002 7:48:46 PM I actually think that UI should not be a government or employer responsibility, but paid by the worker. We have disability insurance, why not unemployment insurance? It can be subsidized at the lower incomes. 3022. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 7:50:49 PM "The goverment discriminates against us when it comes to benefits." 3023. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 7:52:45 PM Did the independents at Microsoft feel they were getting a square deal? Who brought the lawsuit that forced MSFT to change its tune? 3024. bubbaette - 4/13/2002 7:53:52 PM Another reason why Virginia has such a low tax rate is because of the way we calculate solvency. We consider the trust fund solvent when there are 18 months benefits in the trust fund at the highest unemployment rate for the past 20 years. It used to be a 25 year "look-back" but in 97 the General Assembly cut it to a 20 year period, eliminating the recession of the late 70's, thus requiring less money to be considered solvent and dropping tax rates. 3025. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 7:58:18 PM The GOP is the working man's friend as usual. 3026. CalGal - 4/13/2002 8:00:26 PM You mean you get fully paid health and dental care, paid vacations and holidays, stock options, and pensions just like the employees? 3027. CalGal - 4/13/2002 8:13:13 PM Did the independents at Microsoft feel they were getting a square deal? 3028. CalGal - 4/13/2002 8:33:22 PM See, the thing is, you can slice all contingency workers into one group or the other based on one simple truth: can they make more money freelancing, or employed? 3029. CalGal - 4/13/2002 8:34:43 PM However, in the go-go nineties the Va. Legislature was all party party party, and questioned the need to have so much money in the trust fund and so gave the majority of businesses a tax holiday by changing the solvency formula 3030. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 9:12:30 PM I agree with your point that self-employed people should get a tax deduction for health care insurance premiums. Not sure about the rest. Oh, I left out the following above: insert after sitting on the bed "in your pee stained underwear." 3031. bubbaette - 4/13/2002 9:17:38 PM I don't know about the Microsoft case, but I do know that in state government they have what are called 1500 hour employees since there was a Maximum Employment Level placed on state agencies. The 1500 hour employees, as their name implies, are temp workers who are discharged after working 1500 hours. In my agency there are positions that cycle through 1500 hour employees, replacing one with another and they hiring the first one back. The only difference between a 1500 hour employee and regular employees in the same position is that the 1500 hour employees lose their jobs regularly for no fault of their own and they receive no benefits. 3032. wonkers2 - 4/13/2002 9:24:24 PM Temp employees get screwed lots of ways. The temp agencies are pros at disqualifying their employees from UC. 3033. Åse - 4/15/2002 1:39:29 PM I found This in LA Times. 3034. CalGal - 4/15/2002 1:55:19 PM But doesn't it seem like that story wants to excuse the disparate levels? 3035. CalGal - 4/15/2002 1:57:48 PM If the same position exists after a certain period of time -- say one year or 18 months, the position should be classified and the person filling it should be a regular employee. 3036. betty - 4/15/2002 2:08:00 PM there are "low paid" temp workers who are happy to be temp employees, I was for several years. I could work for three weeks at $15/hr then take a week off and write. Or I'd work for months, eliminate my credit card debt, rent paid ahead and live off the plastic for a while. It was wonderful, but if work is all you have going for you, if you aren't being creative, if you aren't taking advantage of the situation to go hiking in the mountains or garden or whatever your passion is, then temping completely sucks. 3037. CalGal - 4/15/2002 2:16:21 PM there are "low paid" temp workers who are happy to be temp employees, 3038. CalGal - 4/15/2002 2:32:58 PM Betty, it just occurred to me that you may get huffy at my last post, and since I didn't mean it that way I'll just say so now. 3039. betty - 4/15/2002 3:13:22 PM Well, I wasn't working for pin money. my guy and I had equal stake in it, both following the formula i described because we are/were both artists striving for something that might have been in direct competition with fiscal responsibility. there are many patrons of the arts who would disagree with your assesment that "No one's interests are served by encouraging people to neglect their income and security in the way that you describe" but it's all a matter of values and I know we have few of them in common. 3040. judithathome - 4/15/2002 3:32:59 PM Unfortunately, Betty, you live in a country and under a government that increasingly sees little use for the arts and those who copntribute to them. 3041. Åse - 4/15/2002 3:49:14 PM Yes, it does. It sort of pooh poohs those that are complaining about the difference in reporting, but it does attempt to have a meta-discussion about it. 3042. CalGal - 4/15/2002 4:08:10 PM Ase, 3043. betty - 4/15/2002 4:16:32 PM judith, 3044. CalGal - 4/15/2002 4:20:54 PM Actually, the US provides strong support for the arts in the private sector. Alas, it is market-driven. 3045. betty - 4/15/2002 4:37:12 PM Cal, 3046. TabouliJones - 4/15/2002 4:47:49 PM Slate had an interesting article a few years back, in which the author purported to debunk what he or she called the "myth" of the starving artist. It was more about painters, sculptors and performance artists than writers -- if I recall correctly -- and represented a rather interesting take on the notion of arts funding. I did a search, but was unable to find it. Perhaps, someone else will have better luck. 3047. CalGal - 4/15/2002 5:13:32 PM Betty--the US provides strong support for the arts. It's market driven. Just like I said. 3048. betty - 4/15/2002 5:19:21 PM Tabouli, 3049. betty - 4/15/2002 5:30:28 PM 3050. Cellar Door - 4/15/2002 5:35:26 PM If it's market driven it has nothing to do with the arts. 3051. TabouliJones - 4/15/2002 5:37:43 PM Calgal and betty, 3052. betty - 4/15/2002 5:40:52 PM Cellar, 3053. CalGal - 4/15/2002 5:41:06 PM and Cal, good art is never market driven, the only people who think such things are cads. 3054. betty - 4/15/2002 5:43:00 PM Cal, 3055. CalGal - 4/15/2002 5:46:59 PM Whatever. You didn't answer my point. 3056. betty - 4/15/2002 5:56:03 PM No, I do not agree that americans have a strong interest in art. They have a strong interest in investments and accessories of wealth. Cezanne is not appreciated for the beauty of his paintings, he is appreciated for the mind-blowing amount of money one must spend to possess such a thing. 3057. TabouliJones - 4/15/2002 7:07:32 PM I have a growing impatience these days for the notion that the arts are under funded, at least in Canada (although I suspect that I would feel the same living in the U.S.). There are four reasons for this: 3058. TabouliJones - 4/15/2002 7:07:42 PM 4. I lack faith in the notion that revolutionary, society improving art is possible or even necessary in North America. (Sure there is plenty of art that makes me think and brings enjoyment to my life, but how much of this is going to eliminate poverty or violence in N.A. society or convince hot women that my 5'5", back hair growing, George Kostanza-years-entering self is more worthy of sex than the adonis with swiss cheese for a brain). 3059. CalGal - 4/15/2002 7:21:03 PM Hear, hear. Who would have thought a Canuck would be so damn sensible? 3060. TabouliJones - 4/15/2002 7:29:16 PM I have my moments. As for my other back bacon loving, hockey fight watching fellow citizens -- well, I can't vouche for their good sense. 3061. bubbaette - 4/15/2002 7:49:19 PM So suppose they decide that instead of 200 permanent temporary jobs, they'll just create 50 permanent jobs and eliminate all long-term temporary positions. You think that would be better? Not only would those temp workers not have those jobs, but they would lose valuable resume fodder. 3062. wonkers2 - 4/15/2002 8:05:30 PM It sure isn't. Temp employes should be used for truly temporary jobs of known duration. 3063. CalGal - 4/15/2002 8:35:27 PM These people take the jobs hoping to get a foot in the door if a classified position comes open. 3064. CalGal - 4/15/2002 8:39:43 PM It's not just low-level employees. Temps are hired at all levels of the organization. The issue isn't their pay. It's the associated, costly, ongoing overhead. 3065. CalGal - 4/15/2002 8:47:44 PM Temp employes should be used for truly temporary jobs of known duration. 3066. AytchMan - 4/15/2002 9:17:55 PM betty- 3067. CalGal - 4/15/2002 9:19:35 PM None of the music, either, apparently. Every single bestseller sucked. 3068. AytchMan - 4/15/2002 9:24:35 PM I'd accept that some art is not market-driven, maybe even most, maybe even the best of it. But not none of it. 3069. AytchMan - 4/15/2002 9:44:29 PM In 3068, I meant: ...some good art is... 3070. arkymalarky - 4/15/2002 10:02:32 PM I know I'm biased, but you'll find lots of gems of all kinds in small university environments. Lots of crap too, but much more really fine stuff than most people think. 3071. arkymalarky - 4/15/2002 10:14:56 PM To elaborate on that, many really good artists, writers, and musicians work in small universities and have a good environment and enough time and money to put into their work. 3072. wonkers2 - 4/15/2002 11:52:41 PM For Rama and any others who think that Unemployment Insurance is a rip-off or that it leads to increased unemployment the "recipiency ratio" [total unemployed divided by the number of recipients of unemployment compensation] nationwide in 1990 was about .33. Individual states ranged from Alaska with a high of 63.6 to a low of 15.3 in South Dakota. As I suspected, Virginia was near the bottom at 17.0. 3073. wonkers2 - 4/16/2002 12:00:35 AM From "Unemployment Insurance in the U.S.: Benefits, Financing Coverage" Feb 1995 Report to the President and Congress: 3074. wonkers2 - 4/16/2002 12:06:06 AM Facilitation of Reemployment 3075. betty - 4/16/2002 9:17:50 AM Tabouli, Cal and arky, 3076. betty - 4/16/2002 9:18:02 AM and Aytch, I don't think there have been any really marketable films that were good art in america in a loooong time. Some artsy entertainment, yes, but art...I don't think it's possible. When you consider that the music that dominates american culture is Rock and roll, HipHop, and country...again, elements of art in that stuff, but it's not good art. the Jazz that sells the most, aka smooth jazz, is not good art. When I went to Borders to look for some music I couldn't find a single minimalist composer. I couldn't even find Glass or Stockhausen. In fact I can't find them anywhere in this town though they may be tucked in some small record shop I haven't found yet. 3077. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 10:13:17 AM Of course I agree that American culture doesn't really support art, but a real and valid exception is in academia. Established artists, particularly writers, often find an academic environment very beneficial to their work. Even at a small but reputable private university near here is an internationally known composer, and there have been a number of fairly reputable writers, poets, and artists in this small area who've either taught for a time and moved on to bigger places or still teach and yet make good money off their work. And more importantly, their work is very good and they're not living hand-to-mouth in order to have adequate time to devote to it. 3078. betty - 4/16/2002 10:40:06 AM Oh arky, I completely agree with what you are saying here, and in fact I have tried to get friends of mine to move to smaller but culturally viable communities because of living expenses and it just seems impossible to them. I would be very happy in a small town with a small, diverse community. 3079. betty - 4/16/2002 10:40:40 AM of course I think proper spelling is useless. 3080. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 10:47:32 AM You would love Hot Springs or Fayetteville, I think. If you ever get a chance you ought to visit them. 3081. betty - 4/16/2002 10:53:38 AM I have a friend in Fayetteville, actually an old writer friend of alfred's, they did a lot of work together when Chuck was living in New Hampshire. a real Bukowski type. anyway, I've heard wonderful things about the Ozarks region but I don't think alf and I could take the heat and humidity, but one day we will visit. 3082. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 10:59:43 AM Oh really? Dad knows some writers in Fayetteville (I don't know any of them, so don't know any names), and a poet/novelist friend of his, Jack Butler, knows most of the circle of writers up there. He lives in New Mexico now, though. There's a poster in Random International from Arkansas who went to UofA for their writing program. 3083. betty - 4/16/2002 11:03:20 AM this guys only been there about 5 or six years, his name is chuck roberts. he is immensely talented, but i haven't seen any of his new stuff in that time other than cranky letters to the editor of whatever the weekly rag is there. 3084. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 11:07:44 AM I'll ask Dad if he's familiar with him, but I don't think Dad's been in touch with anyone in that area for a long time. He retired from a nearby university (not the same one I referred to above) several years ago and hasn't been in touch with peers out of his own town much. 3085. wonkers2 - 4/16/2002 12:32:24 PM The NYT will probably deliver to your door by 6:30am. 3086. wonkers2 - 4/16/2002 12:33:01 PM But, of course, that's no substitute for a good local paper. 3087. CalGal - 4/16/2002 12:52:11 PM TJ said: Too many artists whom I have met are snobs with a habit of accusing anyone outside of their rarefied circles of being phillistines incapable of apreciating true art. 3088. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 12:58:54 PM Right, Wonk. I'd like a good statewide one, since AR news is really more important to me directly than it would be to others in different fields and in much larger states. 3089. CalGal - 4/16/2002 1:02:04 PM Making that subjective statement is not equal to snobbery. 3090. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 1:06:25 PM Nope. Saying recent movies aren't art in her opinion isn't snobbery, unless you're saying that good movies are art and to say a movie isn't good art equals saying it isn't a good or well made movie. 3091. CalGal - 4/16/2002 1:08:15 PM to say a movie isn't good art equals saying it isn't a good or well made movie 3092. TabouliJones - 4/16/2002 1:11:24 PM ". . . and Tabouli, I don't think funding art is mutually exclusive from ending poverty, in fact I think they go hand in hand. but as an artist of one type or another, I may be biased." 3093. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 1:15:47 PM There are good books, songs, Hallmark poems, etc etc etc, that aren't considered art. If you disgree with Betty, it should be simple enough to pull one recent movie out of your head full of movies that qualifies as good art. 3094. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 1:18:48 PM Put "good" in there where it fits, btw. Any idiot knows that all those media fit within the category of "the arts." No one was disputing that. Makes a nice diversion, though. 3095. betty - 4/16/2002 1:21:15 PM Cal, 3096. wonkers2 - 4/16/2002 1:30:18 PM When in doubt consult Webster. Art has a bunch of definitions, more than one of which would include movies, eg, "the conscious use of skill and creative imagination especially in the production of aesthetic objects" or art form, "a recognized form or medium of artistic expression." 3097. betty - 4/16/2002 1:46:52 PM TJ, 3098. lizzard - 4/16/2002 1:57:55 PM Delurking long enough to say that this is a very interesting conversation. I am a little leery of the subsidized artist community idea. There are artists in my family, some of whom have quite a well developed sense of entitlement. On the other hand, I am saddened that art has been taken out of many public schools and is generally seen as expendable. 3099. betty - 4/16/2002 2:08:35 PM liz, 3100. CalGal - 4/16/2002 2:11:13 PM There are good books, songs, Hallmark poems, etc etc etc, that aren't considered art. 3101. CalGal - 4/16/2002 2:11:42 PM Hiya, Lizz, nice to see you again. 3102. lizzard - 4/16/2002 2:14:05 PM Hi! Thanks! 3103. betty - 4/16/2002 2:19:25 PM so the telephone book, or a book of geneology is art? 3104. CalGal - 4/16/2002 2:23:20 PM so the telephone book, or a book of geneology is art? 3105. TabouliJones - 4/16/2002 2:36:58 PM Welcome lizzard. 3106. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 2:53:32 PM Cal's picking down to the nibs again. As I clearly stated above, I know all those come under the category of "arts." 3107. TabouliJones - 4/16/2002 2:55:01 PM uhm,in my last post, replace surfeit with dearth, paucity, privation or some other ten cent word for scarcity. 3108. betty - 4/16/2002 2:55:12 PM TJ, 3109. TabouliJones - 4/16/2002 2:57:30 PM Recent movies that qualify as good "fine art". Off the top of my head: Gosford Park, Mulholland Drive, The Man Who Wasn't There, all from 2001, and I'm sure there are plenty others. 3110. betty - 4/16/2002 2:57:34 PM yes arky and cal, that is where we are having difficulty, fine art and popular art are in the same family, sometimes they are the same thing, but frequently, i think, they are not. 3111. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 2:57:48 PM Which was my first statement--if you are saying all movies come under the category of fine art then you should be able to come up with a recent good movie that you consider to be a fine work of art. 3112. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 2:59:31 PM '11 was to Cal, of course. 3113. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 3:02:18 PM Dang. I should have said "a fine work of fine art" or "a good work of fine art." 3114. CalGal - 4/16/2002 3:15:21 PM Arky, 3115. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 3:21:31 PM Is a good book automatically good fine art? That's where I (and I think Betty) disagree. Popular art in all it's forms can be very good, yet not considered as quality fine art. Tabouli gave some movies he felt qualified as examples, and I certainly wouldn't argue with them. He may very well be right, and Betty may be dismissing them. I don't know. But the judgment of whether those in particular qualify as good fine art aside, there's lots of really good, entertaining, well crafted material in all art media that most would not put in the category of "fine art." 3116. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 3:23:02 PM Betty and I agree with eachother, but our disagreement with Cal is on the same issue of what constitutes fine art...y'all know what I mean. 3117. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 3:23:58 PM its-- 3118. CalGal - 4/16/2002 3:33:29 PM But the judgment of whether those in particular qualify as good fine art aside, there's lots of really good, entertaining, well crafted material in all art media that most would not put in the category of "fine art." 3119. TabouliJones - 4/16/2002 3:34:56 PM ". . . there's lots of really good, entertaining, well crafted material in all art media that most would not put in the category of 'fine art.'" 3120. CalGal - 4/16/2002 3:35:41 PM fine art and popular art are in the same family, sometimes they are the same thing, but frequently, i think, they are not. 3121. TabouliJones - 4/16/2002 3:38:25 PM Hmmm. For some reason, I am having flasbacks to Diane Keaton and Woody Allen in Manhattan. 3122. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 3:39:23 PM There is also all kinds of work out there parading as "fine art" on the say-so of art-community elites that is really just crap. 3123. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 3:40:23 PM Fine art may be sometimes be popular, but popular art is much less often considered to be in the category of fine art. 3124. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 3:41:35 PM I wouldn't state, iow, that there's no overlap, but there's much more one direction than the other. 3125. CalGal - 4/16/2002 3:42:18 PM No, you don't need to provide a list. He was just being polite. He's Canadian; they're like that. 3126. betty - 4/16/2002 3:42:23 PM Cal, 3127. CalGal - 4/16/2002 3:46:59 PM Fine art may be sometimes be popular, but popular art is much less often considered to be in the category of fine art. 3128. betty - 4/16/2002 3:49:32 PM Cal, 3129. CalGal - 4/16/2002 3:53:19 PM I said there hadn't been marketed fine art film in years. 3130. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 3:56:10 PM Most of the art that has lasted through the centuries was produced for popular consumption. 3131. CalGal - 4/16/2002 4:28:09 PM That's inaccurate. 3132. betty - 4/16/2002 4:31:15 PM you think most art that has lasted through the ages has been made by a group of people? 3133. CalGal - 4/16/2002 4:32:03 PM Either way, the discussion has been in the context of modern work thus far. 3134. CalGal - 4/16/2002 4:33:05 PM you think most art that has lasted through the ages has been made by a group of people? 3135. arkymalarky - 4/16/2002 4:41:19 PM I didn't say "all", for one thing. 3136. betty - 4/16/2002 4:48:17 PM Cal, 3137. CalGal - 4/16/2002 5:01:02 PM 3138. CalGal - 4/16/2002 5:02:24 PM you have to get all huffy and attempt to push people around with your snarls? 3139. wonkers2 - 4/16/2002 5:09:50 PM The finer the art the higher the price.....eventually. 3140. KuligintheHooligan - 4/18/2002 10:16:03 AM "Forty-two of the city's low-performing middle and elementary schools have been privatized, part of a sweeping management change that makes for-profit firms and universities responsible for educating thousands of children. The School Reform Commission, created by the state after it seized control of the city's public school system in December, voted 3-2 Wednesday in favor of the plan, which affects more than one-quarter of the city's schools." 3141. betty - 4/18/2002 10:26:10 AM Kul, 3142. KuligintheHooligan - 4/18/2002 10:31:56 AM Oh, shoot, I didn't realize Philly wasn't mentioned therein. Yes, it is Philly. 3143. wonkers2 - 4/18/2002 10:37:22 AM U.S. judge rules against Ashcroft's perverted attempt to apply FDA law to Oregon's death with dignity act. 3144. wonkers2 - 4/18/2002 10:37:57 AM Pardon that's "preverted." 3145. betty - 4/18/2002 10:43:14 AM the Rochester School district is in Big trouble too, some financial shinanigans. 3146. betty - 4/18/2002 10:53:55 AM if I recall correctly, Philly isn't getting entirely privatized, more that they have hired a company to come in as management for the troubled schools. Frankly, it's not the schools, it's the economic situation of the folks sending their kids to public schools...I don't know that the teachers are equipped to deal with the realities that a lot of the kids are coming from (nor should they have to be, that's government's job), i don't know that this private company is gonna have any better luck. the fact that Philly has some excellent schools indicates to me that the problem probably isn't with the system. 3147. arkymalarky - 4/18/2002 11:31:32 AM I read that in the districts to be taken over by the company 80% of the student body is on free lunches. Privatization hasn't been that successful with improving public schools in the past (not referring to charter schools, but companies taking over like this Edison company). They might do much better with dramatic reforms implemented by a completely new administration, but with such a mess I don't guess it could be made worse and to have a company with a set plan come in and make broad changes based on their own researched plan is worth a shot. 3148. betty - 4/18/2002 11:37:14 AM as my kid will most likely be in that system, I'm willing to investigate some privitization as long as they are held to the same standards and as long as they get results. 3149. arkymalarky - 4/18/2002 11:38:56 AM You're fortunate in that by the time she's ready to start school, you should know how they're doing. 3150. wonkers2 - 4/21/2002 9:24:27 AM Illinois study makes clear the injustice of an inherently flawed punishment. 3151. wonkers2 - 4/21/2002 9:26:42 AM As new countries end executions, a worldwide ban is warranted. 3152. Julius Caesar - 4/22/2002 4:26:33 PM Race has come up in Israel and Palestine. 3153. CalGal - 4/22/2002 4:35:20 PM I read the first one already--not complaining, just had this reposte on my mind already. 3154. Julius Caesar - 4/22/2002 4:44:46 PM The issue really isn't about you so much as it is about messenger-norming (i.e., the Standard wants to show it is minority-friendly, so a memo comes out asking for a minority conservative to pen an article, or it wants to be more-incusive of women, so the call goes out asking for a single woman to pen a Nadine Strossen-type article). 3155. Julius Caesar - 4/22/2002 4:46:23 PM incusive=inclusive 3156. CalGal - 4/22/2002 4:56:57 PM Um, yes, I know the issue isn't about me. I was using me as an example of the sort of messenger norming that wouldn't occur. 3157. Julius Caesar - 4/22/2002 5:02:53 PM The Standard offered evidence of CNN messenger norming. I look forward to a CNN rebuttal demonstrating the Standard as hypocritical. An observation that the Standard "is unlikely to admit to messanger norming" reminds me of Cynthia McKinney's "I am not aware of any evidence showing that President Bush or members of his administration have personally profited from the attacks of 9-11. A complete investigation might reveal that to be the case." 3158. CalGal - 4/22/2002 5:06:47 PM An observation that the Standard "is unlikely to admit to messanger norming" reminds me of Cynthia McKinney's "I am not aware of any evidence showing that President Bush or members of his administration have personally profited from the attacks of 9-11. A complete investigation might reveal that to be the case." 3159. wonkers2 - 4/26/2002 4:39:51 PM I just heard a very moving episode of Ira Glass's This American Life about two cases of convictions that have been reversed recently through the use of DNA evidence. The programs were fascinating and horrifiying. But they provided hope that we are in a new era in our justice system. 3160. Rama - 4/26/2002 4:43:20 PM According to the program, although the 400 cases which have been reversed by DNA and other evidence have revealed incredible cases of police and prosecutorial misconduct, not one has been charged with a crime or dismissed for their behavior. 3161. wonkers2 - 4/26/2002 4:46:50 PM The second episode about erroneous convictions consisted of playing portions of a video tape in which two police officers interrogated a 14 year old boy and got him to confess falsely to the killing of his sister. Later, a vagrant found in the neighborhood at the time was convicted through conclusive DNA evidence and the victim's brother exonerated. The interrogation lasted 11 hours and was filled with repeated lies by the interrogators, e.g., "You know we found your sister's blood in your room?" You know this recording device measures tremors in your voice and works like a lie detector. They gained the boy's confidence and even had him participate in making up questions for them to ask him. They asked him a bunch of questions and then told him he had answered all but one honestly, etc, etc. Finally, the boy completly broke down to the point where he wasn't sure what he had done. 3162. Cellar Door - 4/26/2002 4:48:35 PM "However, the Weekly Standard is unlikely to admit to messanger norming, either." 3163. wonkers2 - 4/26/2002 4:52:47 PM Rama, similar to nailing the Cardinals and Bishops and abusive priests. Different system, same result. 3164. Rama - 4/26/2002 5:28:17 PM Rama, similar to nailing the Cardinals and Bishops and abusive priests. Different system, same result. 3165. wonkers2 - 4/26/2002 5:34:37 PM Well put! 3166. wonkers2 - 4/28/2002 11:43:17 AM Fatal Flaws in the Justice System Not Confined to Capital Punishment 3167. Rama - 4/29/2002 1:17:02 PM Oh no! Drug dealers and career criminals spending years in prison! Oh, the humanity! 3168. concerned - 5/7/2002 5:58:31 PM 3169. CalGal - 5/7/2002 10:37:44 PM Justice Dept. Tells Court Individuals Have a Right to Guns 3170. CalGal - 5/7/2002 10:46:57 PM I wish there were a more reliable account of that story. It seems to be true, if she does have a letter from the boss saying she must learn Spanish. But lordy, that article is about as much journalism as a Cosmopolitan piece. 3171. vw - 5/8/2002 6:33:42 AM Well, if it was going to happen it would have to happen in Miami, FL. I mean where else could you even have the possibility of a Gov. employee being fired for speaking English except for the Home of the Elián González Debacle? 3172. CalGal - 5/8/2002 10:34:29 AM Ha. 3173. OhioSTOPAS - 5/8/2002 3:30:27 PM "Well, if it was going to happen it would have to happen in Miami . . . 3174. CalGal - 5/8/2002 3:32:45 PM Okay, that was hackily political, Ohio, but very funny. (g) 3175. CalGal - 5/8/2002 10:04:04 PM Did anyone see the 2nd Amendment discussion on the Lehrer Newshour tonight? Great stuff. I'll see if they have a link tomorrow. 3176. wonkers2 - 5/9/2002 12:15:07 AM Yeah. Interesting. Ashcroft and Olson, what a pair! 3177. wonkers2 - 5/9/2002 12:18:06 AM When I think back on previous Attorneys General they make it seem like we've returned to the Dark Ages or at least Salem. Ignorance and evil are rife in the land! 3178. Rama - 5/10/2002 8:22:46 PM When I think back on previous Attorneys General they make it seem like we've returned to the Dark Ages or at least Salem. Ignorance and evil are rife in the land! 3179. RustlerPike - 5/11/2002 12:39:55 PM As prime minister, I will carve out a territory of 15 km. by 15 km. in southeastern Israel and create a Women's Zone. Only women will be allowed to enter, and they will be given their own perimeter fence, machine guns, armored vehicles etc. to make sure no man enters and lives. The WZ will be an autonomous entity and will have to be self supporting. 3180. CalGal - 5/11/2002 12:57:38 PM 3181. vw - 5/11/2002 1:34:47 PM Oh boy, can we all play? 3182. judithathome - 5/11/2002 1:50:16 PM I will take the otherwise useless state of Texas and create a Non-White Zone. 3183. vw - 5/11/2002 1:56:02 PM Oops ... sorry J@H. I'm more than willing to make it Idaho ... but we'll have to give the Hispanics a pass then. Idaho just isn't as big as texas. 3184. CalGal - 5/11/2002 2:10:25 PM We can put the Hispanics in North Carolina. 3185. judithathome - 5/11/2002 2:18:32 PM How about Wyoming? No one's using it now. 3186. ronski - 5/11/2002 2:25:49 PM I beg your pardon. It has many happy skiers, at least for four or five months of the year. 3187. CalGal - 5/11/2002 2:29:04 PM No, no, that's where we're sending the fascist pigs who perpetuate the patriarchy. Didn't you get the memo? 3188. ronski - 5/11/2002 2:40:05 PM Damn. Out of the loop again. 3189. AytchMan - 5/11/2002 6:37:51 PM vw 181-- 3190. vw - 5/11/2002 9:00:53 PM No way Aytch old man ... I'm a proud citizen of the State of New York. We've got 87 year old women who can kick butt from here until tomorrow. Then they'll spit on ya just for good measure. 3191. vw - 5/11/2002 9:01:48 PM fascist pigs who perpetuate the patriarchy 3192. ronski - 5/11/2002 9:23:02 PM vw, 3193. Cellar Door - 5/11/2002 9:36:39 PM 3194. RustlerPike - 5/11/2002 9:57:21 PM CruelGal: 3195. RustlerPike - 5/11/2002 10:23:14 PM And instead of southern Israel... I'll put you right outside the Balata refugee camp in Nablus. 3196. wonkers2 - 5/14/2002 5:56:44 PM The U.S. Sixth Circuit Court ruled 5-4 today that University of Michigan Law School's affirmative action admissions policy is constitutional. The case will be appealed to the Supreme Court. 3197. Rama - 5/14/2002 6:04:51 PM 5-4 3198. wonkers2 - 5/15/2002 7:30:27 AM 3199. wonkers2 - 5/15/2002 7:37:34 AM You're not worhty!! I'm not worthy!! 3200. OhioSTOPAS - 5/15/2002 12:32:25 PM The federal and state legislators who enacted the 14th Amendment in the 1860's intended to help African-Americans and to prohibit discrimination against them. Can anyone seriously maintain that their original intent was to prohibit themselves from enacting measures to remedy societal discrimination against African-Americans? 3201. CalGal - 5/15/2002 1:32:34 PM I can't see the SC upholding that decision. 3202. OhioSTOPAS - 5/15/2002 1:59:14 PM It's not a given that the U.S. Supreme Court will take the case, but if it does, certainly the most likely result is a reversal, with the predictable 5-4 split in favor of the conservative/Republican result. 3203. CalGal - 5/15/2002 3:02:41 PM I don't think that the result should be considered conservative or Republican. But I agree that the doubtful aspect is whether or not they will take the case. 3204. wonkers2 - 5/15/2002 4:09:42 PM Nina Totenberg said that they may as well hear the case only in front of O'Connor whose vote is the only one in doubt. The rest of the Court is split 4-4. (Scalia, Thomas, Rehnquist, Kennedy v. Ginzburg, Souter, Breyer and Stevens. (I believe that was the line up.) Circuit Courts have split 2-2 on the issue. 3205. CalGal - 5/21/2002 6:07:41 PM High Court Takes on Second Megan's Law Case 3206. vw - 5/22/2002 7:31:52 AM I’ve always been of two minds about Megan’s Law … both sides of the issue have very compelling arguments behind them. 3207. CalGal - 5/22/2002 10:54:48 AM Some people use the story that was in Salon--the brothers who were 9 and 12, younger giving old one blow jobs--as evidence of overreaction of Megan's Law. But a 12 year old who gets blowjobs from his brother is odd enough that, if we're tracking sexual molesters, this is one I'd want to know about, rather than dismiss as "youthful experimentation". I do agree that some of the flagging is idiotic. 3208. Ms. No - 5/23/2002 1:59:32 PM I'm not sure we should single out child molesters. 3209. betty - 5/23/2002 2:19:07 PM if magan's law(s) were only applied to child molesterers I would probably have a hard time saying it's a bad, stupid idea...because I have a child and because I was sexually abused by a neighbor as a child...and because it's been strongly suggested by a number of studies that nothing stops child molesters, even castration! (but this begs the obvious, why are they ever let out of prison then?) BUT, 17 yr. old boys who have sex with their 16 yr. old girlfriends (or boyfriends) are included, and a whole slew of others who aren't the kind of dangerous sexual predators who might warrant some sort of registration. 3210. CalGal - 5/23/2002 2:29:50 PM I don't think 17 year olds who have sex with their 16 year old girlfriends are included. 19 year olds who have sex with their 13 year old girlfriends might be. 3211. betty - 5/23/2002 2:51:28 PM Cal, 3212. CalGal - 5/23/2002 3:01:40 PM the problem is really that there isn't any obvious and 100% catch-all "sexual molester behaviours" 3213. betty - 5/23/2002 3:17:00 PM Cal, 3214. Ms. No - 5/23/2002 4:12:15 PM Cal, 3215. Ms. No - 5/23/2002 4:12:33 PM From law.com 3216. Cellar Door - 5/23/2002 4:14:02 PM 3217. Ms. No - 5/23/2002 4:21:19 PM Betty, 3218. jexster - 5/28/2002 9:29:28 PM From PlanetOut News Service...what happens when Bush conservative types run a Cir Ct App.. 3219. Rama - 5/29/2002 9:47:44 AM That isn't a loophole, it is a rational public policy decision. And based upon that, all of the judges ruled rationally. And if you weren't a bigot, you would understand that. 3220. judithathome - 6/1/2002 10:37:11 AM I just heard a snippet of an story about a principal at a school in California, I think, instituting a dress code for teachers that has the teachers all up in arms over being asked to come to school with the men in slacks, dress shirts, and ties and for the women to wear pantyhose if they wear dresses or skirts and for all of them to refrain from having peirced tongues. 3221. CalGal - 6/1/2002 10:52:33 AM Ha, ha. That's funny. Only in California. 3222. judithathome - 6/1/2002 10:56:06 AM Do you mean only in California would they have to ask for that or that only in California would they quit over being asked? ;-) 3223. arkymalarky - 6/1/2002 10:57:48 AM It does to me, except for the pierced tongues. I personally couldn't work well in that kind of environment, largely because it gives an indication that the administration isn't working with the teachers, but is taking an adversarial, controlling attitude toward them. Administrators always end up losing out when they do that. It's too easy to get a teaching job elsewhere, and most schools are desperate to keep what they've got. 3224. arkymalarky - 6/1/2002 11:00:22 AM And I refuse to wear pantyhose for anyone. That's above and beyond the call of duty. 3225. ivan osokin - 6/1/2002 11:03:03 AM i don't think it's that draconian. i mean, i just assumed teachers DID do those things already. and there is something to be said for dressing a bit more conservative than the students ;) 3226. ronski - 6/1/2002 11:06:22 AM In the context of HIV law, calling jexster a bigot is silly. Some might argue that he has displayed bigotry against Jews, but I would not go that far, myself. 3227. CalGal - 6/1/2002 11:10:03 AM I was focusing on the pierced tongue. Arky, Judith said that female teachers wearing dresses would have to wear panty hose, so I just assumed that meant they wouldn't wear dresses. 3228. judithathome - 6/1/2002 11:17:20 AM Some women like to wear dresses and skirts and the trend nowadays is to go bare legged...I think it's stupid to limit them to only wearing pants, which is what that code would do. 3229. ronski - 6/1/2002 11:18:32 AM Because it is a very small risk, life is indeed not risk-free, and I do not favor the Nanny State. 3230. CalGal - 6/1/2002 11:22:59 AM Judith, 3231. arkymalarky - 6/1/2002 11:24:51 AM I've known of schools that wouldn't even allow the female teachers to wear pants. I know a lady who got sent home by the principal for wearing a very nice denim dress because the rules said teachers couldn't wear denim. 3232. arkymalarky - 6/1/2002 11:25:18 AM The above story was not from a school where I worked, btw. 3233. judithathome - 6/1/2002 11:25:59 AM In any event, pierced tongues and nylons with dresses are in two entirely different categories 3234. judithathome - 6/1/2002 11:27:36 AM My last post was a joke, by the way. 3235. arkymalarky - 6/1/2002 11:31:43 AM Of course the pierced tongue is too far out there to be worth remarking on. If they have to put that in the code their teachers must be way out there, and if so, they can chunk the rest of it or replace the staff, and all I can say to that is good luck. 3236. CalGal - 6/1/2002 11:32:01 AM Oh. I wouldn't have known that, so I'm glad you said. 3237. arkymalarky - 6/1/2002 11:33:58 AM I did the opposite and went right by the tongue ring to the panty hose, probably because it applies directly to how I dress. 3238. judithathome - 6/1/2002 11:38:42 AM I don't know how you got that from waht I said. 3239. judithathome - 6/1/2002 11:41:03 AM Cal, I asked if the "policy" seemed draconian...the policy was inclusive of all the demands, not just tongue rings. 3240. CalGal - 6/1/2002 11:47:49 AM I don't know how you got that from waht I said. 3241. judithathome - 6/1/2002 12:09:22 PM Cal, I'm not going to get into it with you over how things were worded or how you interpreted them...no one else had a problem understanding what I meant. I don't have to reword things to make myself understood by most people here; it seems you and I operate on different wave lengths. 3242. judithathome - 6/1/2002 12:14:11 PM For instance: 3243. ronski - 6/1/2002 12:19:54 PM Cal, 3244. CalGal - 6/1/2002 1:01:46 PM Judith, 3245. CalGal - 6/1/2002 1:09:19 PM Ronski, 3246. ronski - 6/1/2002 1:54:36 PM What you consider whims, I consider freedoms. I see no particular reason why the government has to be involved at all in this matter. I don't see why everything has to be mandated, prohibited, regulated, evaluated, scrutinized, etc., by the state. 3247. ronski - 6/1/2002 2:11:14 PM (I should add, if anyone doesn't know this, that it is established practice in health care to protect the privacy of a patient's medical history, within certain parameters, but that the government is increasingly codifying this area.) 3248. CalGal - 6/1/2002 2:12:15 PM So the HIV worker is "free" to work wherever he wants, even if it endangers someone, and the boss is "free" to fire anyone HIV+ whether it endangers someone or not, and the public is "free" to ask any health care worker if they are HIV+, right? And the health care worker must then tell the truth? 3249. ronski - 6/1/2002 5:25:01 PM Again, yes and no. If by endangering someone, you mean that a healthcare worker must be permitted to spread a disease like tuberculosis, no. 3250. ronski - 6/1/2002 5:28:10 PM It is also possible that the SC will revisit this, when a similar case is decided with an opposite result in a different circuit. They like to have two opposing decisions based on like circumstances before them if they are going to make some momentous decision and set precedent. 3251. CalGal - 6/1/2002 8:58:30 PM Oh, my lord. 3252. ronski - 6/1/2002 9:46:56 PM And you still think coercive, government-run schools are a good idea? 3253. betty - 6/1/2002 9:54:44 PM Cal, 3254. betty - 6/1/2002 10:00:41 PM ronski, 3255. CalGal - 6/1/2002 10:04:59 PM Poor children hvae the ability to go to school. I thought Edison was providing public school education. 3256. betty - 6/1/2002 10:12:10 PM Cal, 3257. ronski - 6/1/2002 10:29:57 PM betty, 3258. ronski - 6/1/2002 10:31:08 PM betty, 3259. ronski - 6/1/2002 10:40:06 PM Perhaps the state could not only hire writers to create some new passages to replace Singer and Chekov, but also Shakespeare. Wonderful! 3260. ronski - 6/1/2002 10:43:25 PM As for Edison's viability, if, as was the case in NYC, corporations had to go before the voters before being allowed to sell their products, a lot more would be in financial trouble. 3261. ronski - 6/1/2002 10:43:41 PM (So to speak.) 3262. ronski - 6/1/2002 10:46:27 PM betty, 3263. betty - 6/1/2002 10:52:58 PM ronski, 3264. betty - 6/1/2002 10:56:44 PM ronski, 3265. CalGal - 6/1/2002 11:15:37 PM edison has been "managing" some "troubled" public schools, but as I stated, they are having serious financial difficulty and it seems unlikely that they will be around much longer. 3266. CalGal - 6/1/2002 11:17:07 PM "don't do as well". 3267. ronski - 6/1/2002 11:19:37 PM betty, 3268. ronski - 6/1/2002 11:23:03 PM Cigarlaw's idea is fine with me. I'm flexible. 3269. betty - 6/1/2002 11:59:06 PM Cal, 3270. betty - 6/2/2002 12:21:51 AM ronski, 3271. CalGal - 6/2/2002 11:16:05 AM rich people tend to know rich people and poor people tend to know poor people. 3272. betty - 6/2/2002 12:03:55 PM Cal, 3273. CalGal - 6/2/2002 3:22:46 PM Not landowners. For one thing, it's been a while since property taxes were the only thing that determined what a school got. For another, if you're a renter you're paying property taxes in one form or another. All taxpayers. Possibly all residents, although that would be the debate--should people with no income at all get a credit? 3274. judithathome - 6/2/2002 3:27:35 PM You mentioned upthread that people with no children could give their credits to those with children. I suppose some rich old codger could donate his credits to a dirt poor family with 7 kids but I doubt that would happen often; wouldn't a better idea be to create a pool of credits that those in need could draw on? 3275. betty - 6/2/2002 3:44:12 PM Cal, 3276. judithathome - 6/2/2002 3:57:25 PM I guess I read it a little differently than what we have now... 3277. CalGal - 6/2/2002 4:04:34 PM wouldn't a better idea be to create a pool of credits that those in need could draw on? 3278. betty - 6/2/2002 6:05:20 PM Judith, 3279. godlessclif - 6/2/2002 7:01:47 PM Kurt Vonnegut predicted this kind of thing hillarously in his book "Player Piano" It was written in the 1950s so is dated. But it forcast a world where only those with PHDs could hold real jobs. About 1% of the population. The rest were equally divided between a make work military, and a WPA like corps Vonnegut calls the reeks and wrecks[the Reclamation and Reconstruction corps] The 20 year downtrend in wages even at the highest skill level is a terrifying social trend. The only useful suggestion came from Senator Gene McCarthy. We have to ration work. we should insist on a 35 or even a 30 hour week to open up more jobs. Instead we are working the employed to death at a 48 hour week, and thowing unemployed on our streets while we hand jobs to third world immigrants because of the church of the invisible hand. Time to change the rules. 3280. betty - 6/2/2002 7:32:51 PM clif, 3281. thoughtful - 6/3/2002 9:19:48 AM Does anyone else find this as troubling as I do? 3282. judithathome - 6/3/2002 9:30:00 AM "They will come here with what they've learned and be better shoppers and better consumers for it," says Sandy Marciniak, of Piper Elementary School. 3283. betty - 6/3/2002 9:53:16 AM judith, 3284. CalGal - 6/3/2002 10:33:06 AM Oh, because other countries are so much better. Really, Betty, you need to get a more solid understanding of what you're talking about. 3285. thoughtful - 6/3/2002 10:35:19 AM It would be different if the kids were exceeding everyone's educational standards and expectations so had "free time" to fill with other stuff in the curriculum. 3286. CalGal - 6/3/2002 10:41:34 AM I think it's pretty stupid, but weren't these largely middle class kids? They're unlikely to suffer much for it. 3287. judithathome - 6/3/2002 10:42:50 AM Seriously...and what you say about field trips is right on, too. I remember being taken to Mrs. Baird's Bakery, a huge factory which churned out loaves of bread on an assembly line. They put us in little smocks and masks and toured us through the entire facility. It wasn't geared toward making is consumers or factory workers, it was to show us how factory worked. Before that, we just thought Mrs. Baird worked her fingers to the bone making bread for everyone. 3288. thoughtful - 6/3/2002 11:10:27 AM J@h, that's so neat. We never went to a factory and I'm sorry we didn't. In fact, I'm still surprised at how little business exposure I had throughout my public education days. Nothing about basic finance, understanding of stock markets, or the economy, let alone anything like how any of the millions of items we touch in our lifetime get made. 3289. JudithAtHome - 6/3/2002 11:17:57 AM Closest I came to any financial advice was in Home Ec when my idealistic but newly-married teacher told us we'd need to make a "household" budget for groceries so that our husbands could keep track of what was being spent in the "real" buget. 3290. thoughtful - 6/3/2002 11:46:07 AM hahaha 3291. JudithAtHome - 6/3/2002 11:48:15 AM When I met Keoni, I didn't know how to balance a check book at all because my ex-husband did that. I was amazed at how quickly I took to it.;-) 3292. thoughtful - 6/3/2002 12:01:51 PM stories always abound about the first time checkbook user who thought s/he could keep spending money because there were still "checks" in the book. 3293. JudithAtHome - 6/3/2002 12:40:04 PM Not me...I'm more impressed with how much is on the balance line. 3294. betty - 6/3/2002 1:08:41 PM CalGal, 3295. thoughtful - 6/3/2002 2:13:33 PM I've always thought the lack of business education in school was ridiculous since, no matter what career you choose, you will spend a lot of time considering financial issues...whether you're running a beauty salon, figuring out the budget as the town librarian, or negotiating a contract with your hollywood agent. Billy Joel & George Harrison both were ripped off of millions...Mick Jagger, who went to the London School of Economics, never was. 3296. judithathome - 6/3/2002 2:15:38 PM Maybe a bit by that last girlfriend..... 3297. Ms. No - 6/12/2002 1:15:42 PM To All Hosts: 3298. Ms. No - 6/12/2002 1:15:56 PM To All Hosts: 3299. godlessclif - 6/17/2002 12:50:59 PM It is almost out of print but this book is excellent for teaching kids about survival economics like balancing a checkbook and having a budget. Catherine De Camp is actually a science fiction writer, but went through a tough time when her Husband L. Sprague De Camp died since he had managed all the money and wrote 90% of the novels she had to learn to manage money, stp the family business from folding and raise kids at the same time.this book "Teach your child to amnage Money" came out of that trauma. Also another book called "Handbook on how to write and sell science fiction novels" 3300. Ms. No - 6/17/2002 4:00:30 PM Thanks g-clif! 3301. thoughtful - 6/17/2002 4:16:47 PM I don't understand why this kind of stuff can't be taught as part of the basic curriculum. Instead of teaching word problems about 2 cars leaving 2 different towns and going different speeds, why not teach word problems about the U-Save having tomatoes buy 1 get 2 free at $2.50 per lb. and the Shop-Here having tomatoes at .89 cents a lb. and which is the better buy? 3302. Ms. No - 6/17/2002 4:24:31 PM Exactly. 3303. Ms. No - 6/17/2002 4:29:27 PM What kinds of investments are for long term and which are short term. Whether or not it will improve your financial status to own a home or lease your car. When is a good time to buy full coverage health insurance and when can you get by with just major medical. How much of your money should you have immediate access to at any time in case of emergency? 3304. thoughtful - 6/17/2002 4:34:30 PM haha, of course, I'd end up in Las Vegas New Mexico. (They never taught much geography in my school either!) 3305. Absensia - 6/17/2002 4:36:32 PM Actually, my sis teaches just such a course to 9th graders...it's considered a non college prep class and the theory is that the bright college bound kids will know all this stuff...that is so not true. 3306. thoughtful - 6/17/2002 4:41:24 PM May be a surprise to you who offers this site, but they do have some interesting tools to play with if you are doing financial planning, estate planning etc. They even offer a "money personality" profile...not that I need it. I know I'm cheap! 3307. Ms. No - 6/17/2002 4:53:37 PM Abs, 3308. Ms. No - 6/17/2002 4:56:04 PM thoughtful, 3309. thoughtful - 6/17/2002 5:05:06 PM I told someone about the 6 mos liquid and they nearly fell out of their chair. 3310. CalGal - 6/17/2002 5:07:05 PM Thoughtful, that's a great link. Thanks! 3311. CalGal - 6/17/2002 5:10:18 PM I always have three, except recently when a client stiffed me. Right now I'm just barely at three and working my way back up to six, which has been my standard for the last few years. But I'm an independent contractor, so it is more important for me than most. 3312. Ms. No - 6/17/2002 5:28:29 PM Thoughtful, 3313. thoughtful - 6/17/2002 5:31:51 PM Well, someone in your shoes probably should have a long term disability insurance plan just because accidents happen and long term care can be extremely expensive depending on the disability. 3314. thoughtful - 6/17/2002 5:33:39 PM We have way too much life insurance, but much is provided by the co. and comes so cheaply, I figure if I die accidentally at work, hubby can mourn me all the way to the bank! Then he can use his $$ to attract some sweet young thing who will tend him in his dotage as I won't be there to do it for him. 3315. CalGal - 6/17/2002 5:34:38 PM I think long term disability is important, and often neglected. Since you are currently employed, MsNo, you should be able to get a policy pretty easily. 3316. Ms. No - 6/17/2002 5:35:00 PM See, there's another thing that seems so obvious once you say it, but it might never have occurred to me. 3317. CalGal - 6/20/2002 11:47:51 AM The Supreme Court bars execution of mentally retarded 3318. TabouliJones - 6/20/2002 11:54:12 AM Sorry, but this made me laugh: 3319. CalGal - 6/20/2002 12:02:26 PM That struck me too, given that it was in the second paragraph. I do think it a likely way defense lawyers will game the system, but it's not like we don't execute a fair amount of unquestionably low IQ inmates. 3320. TabouliJones - 6/20/2002 12:25:52 PM I like the result of the case, but agree with Rehnquist's position in his dissent that such constitutional issues shouldn't turn on public sentiment or legislative trends. The Court's role is to determine the constitutional questions based on its understanding of the Constituion. It is rather ass-backwards of the Court to let the public or state legislatures decide constitutional issues on its behalf. Mind you, I haven't read the judgments. The majority may have done more than accede to outside sentiment. I am curious to read it. 3321. CalGal - 6/20/2002 12:30:19 PM Yes, I've been reading quotes from the decision and I find I agree with the conservatives as well. A few of the same members supported execution of the retarded just 13 years ago, so why not just say "We've changed our mind"? 3322. Indiana Jones - 6/20/2002 12:36:38 PM Recent Scalia piece on Death Penalty 3323. TabouliJones - 6/20/2002 12:50:37 PM "That said, this is consistent with SC's reading of the 8th Amendment over the years. Definition of cruel and unusual seems to rest with the public, not their own sentiments." 3324. OhioSTOPAS - 6/20/2002 1:58:35 PM Today, in the case of Utah v. Evans, the Supreme Court buried one cowflop of conservative/Republican constitutional bullshit, the argument that the Census Bureau may not use statistical imputation methods in conducting the census because, say conservRepubs, the Constitution requires an "actual enumeration". 3325. OhioSTOPAS - 6/20/2002 1:59:10 PM The Court continues: 3326. CalGal - 6/20/2002 2:00:56 PM Ducky? (g) 3327. OhioSTOPAS - 6/20/2002 2:16:37 PM George Will was wrong? 3328. joezan - 6/20/2002 3:08:21 PM The Supreme Court bars execution of mentally retarded 3329. RustlerPike - 6/21/2002 12:37:53 PM The Bushes must be breathing a sigh of relief, eh? 3330. RustlerPike - 6/21/2002 2:27:55 PM I mean, even if Dubbya commits some heinous crime - he'll live. 3331. TheWizardOfWhimsy - 6/21/2002 4:48:40 PM If only the had a rule prohibiting retarded Supreme Court Justices! 3332. TheWizardOfWhimsy - 6/22/2002 12:09:27 AM the=they 3333. CalGal - 6/23/2002 1:10:19 PM War on Terror Makes for Odd Twists in Justice System 3334. judithathome - 6/23/2002 1:12:25 PM That's because they are making it up as they go. 3335. Daniel Sickles - 6/23/2002 5:03:12 PM The Funniest, Saddest, Most Revelatory Thing I've Read About America in Years 3336. judithathome - 6/23/2002 5:12:05 PM Ha! 3337. Daniel Sickles - 6/23/2002 5:25:08 PM You know why Andrea Yates killed her kids and Terry Barton burned up Colorado and Lizzie Borden killed her parents and Jean Harris shot Dr. Tarnower? 3338. joezan - 6/24/2002 8:04:07 AM This was clearly not arson. 3339. vw - 6/24/2002 8:33:02 AM Who cares why the hell she started the fire? Her actions caused incredible amounts of damage and risked innumerable lives. She should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. 3340. msivorytower - 6/24/2002 8:37:58 AM Cal re: 3333 3341. vw - 6/24/2002 8:38:45 AM MIT! Good to see you. 3342. msivorytower - 6/24/2002 8:40:37 AM I was very disappointed that Yates did not get the death penalty. I friggin hate that my tax dollars are going to keep that woman alive. Five kids dead, and her family still had the nerve to plead what a "good mother" the bitch was. 3343. vw - 6/24/2002 8:46:22 AM I’m still of two minds on the Yates case. I can produce compelling arguments both ways. There certainly seemed to be sufficient evidence of both insanity and premeditation. 3344. bubbaette - 6/24/2002 8:50:19 AM If I were Yates, I'd be begging for the death penalty. 3345. msivorytower - 6/24/2002 8:53:27 AM vw 3346. msivorytower - 6/24/2002 9:07:24 AM Ha vw, I read one of your words as premedication, thinking it was referencing that she was under medication for depression and other problems. 3347. vw - 6/24/2002 9:31:35 AM Of course, one must accept as a basic premise that people can kill children and still not be insane, something that's inherently hard to understand. 3348. bubbaette - 6/24/2002 12:11:06 PM Continuing from the Suggestions Thread: 3349. bubbaette - 6/24/2002 12:11:54 PM With women in the workplace, they were not going to remain content with playing minor supporting roles but wanted to have the same access to opportunity that men had. Rising divorce rates also meant that the "supplemental" income was no longer just for vacations, but that women were more frequently heads of household. 3350. CalGal - 6/24/2002 12:19:42 PM I was very disappointed that Yates did not get the death penalty. 3351. CalGal - 6/24/2002 12:24:06 PM Ms, I haven't read the CNN piece--will try to do so today. I thought the article's hypothesis was solid. 3352. godlessclif - 6/24/2002 12:47:13 PM Her husband Rusty is the one who needs to face the death penalty for driving Mrs. Yates insane and forcing her to have more children that she wanted, but the law is not written to cover that situation. 3353. concerned - 6/24/2002 12:50:25 PM No, he doesn't. You are doing little but relegating women to second class citizenship status by facilely palming off 'responsibility' to the nearest available male. 3354. Shannon - 6/24/2002 12:52:23 PM So she'd have been perfectly sane married to someone else? I doubt that. 3355. godlessclif - 6/24/2002 12:59:20 PM Rusty was a religious nut that used mind control techniques on his wife. She likely would be sane if married to someone rational. She certainly did not want to have five kids and live in such deprived conditions when her husband made a good salary. But he had her live like a slave while he gave all their money to the cult. It is a real shame that the first amendment stop our government from defending people from these cults. 3356. Shannon - 6/24/2002 1:04:14 PM So any woman who picks the wrong husband can end up just like AY? Man, I better hope I've married well. 3357. Ms. No - 6/24/2002 1:42:35 PM I'm not in favor of capital punishment but I absolutely support Andrea Yates serving out the rest of her life in prison. I think Rusty Yates should be serving time for child neglect and endangerment if not outright abuse, but I don't give any creadence to his enslavement of his wife. Andrea Yates was fully complicit in their lifestyle. She wasn't some unwitting victim abducted off the street and forced into slavery by mind control. She made bad choices with her life. Whatever the reason for those choices she is the one responsible for them. 3359. bubbaette - 6/24/2002 2:55:38 PM So what happened to 3358 with Pelle? 3360. arkymalarky - 6/24/2002 3:18:27 PM If you buy into the psychosis, which I do but I realize some don't (if you don't, then nothing in this post is relevant--it only applies to severely mentally ill people prone to psychosis), then whether they're male or female, psychotics have to depend on the sanity of their loved ones during the psychotic periods and transitions into and out of them (people don't "snap" into and out of sanity--anyone who's familiar with clinical psychosis knows that) in their lives to keep their psychosis from causing them to do things that they wouldn't when not psychotic. In the vast majority of cases it doesn't involve endangering someone else's life, but it may be anything from running out of the house naked to acting on delusions--whatever. If someone marries and stays with a partner knowing that partner has a psychotic illness and that psychotic symptoms are beginning to manifest themselves, it takes aggressive intervention to deal with it. That is absolutely the only way. 3361. arkymalarky - 6/24/2002 3:20:17 PM None of that means I think he should be legally responsible or punished, either. I've vascillated on that issue, but ultimately I think he made a reasonable judgment call on her condition, sent his mother over to help her with a short interval of time for her to be alone with the children, and it turned out to be long enough for her to do what she did. 3362. arkymalarky - 6/24/2002 3:31:58 PM As far as whether she got the death penalty or life, as I said at the time, it's been irrelevant since she murdered her children. I never expected or thought she should ever walk free and death wouldn't be a punishment, so it didn't matter to me whether she was executed or lived her natural life in confinement, trapped for a natural lifetime in a small cell with her own actions as her only companion. The sentence was handed down that morning she killed her kids. Since that day her children are dead and there is no life for her or her husband any more. If he could move on after this with anything resembling a normal life I would seriously wonder about him. 3363. vw - 6/24/2002 3:39:31 PM She likely would be sane if married to someone rational. 3364. vw - 6/24/2002 3:41:57 PM You get "driven" into psychosis. should read You DON'T get "driven" into psychosis. 3365. arkymalarky - 6/24/2002 3:42:54 PM Sometimes when you hit "post" instead of "home" and your post box is blank it does that, I think. 3366. godlessclif - 6/24/2002 11:09:43 AM Anti feminist angry white males like RP who blame all their problems on women are not the biggest problem. What is are groups like the Independent Woman's Forum and Concerned Women of America that pretend to support women. They really support the male chauvanist pig agenda of having women obeying their husbands on their knees as though they were inferior. What is the worst about IWF is that when talk shows want a feminist view they compete with true feminist groups like NOW and NARAL for the talk show seat, and when they win the seat women are not represented at all. 3367. sakonige - 6/24/2002 11:19:02 AM Anti feminist angry white males like RP who blame all their problems on women are not the biggest problem. 3368. bubbaette - 6/24/2002 11:22:23 AM I am suspicious of any group who claims to speak for women. NOW speaks for me no more than CWA. 3369. godlessclif - 6/24/2002 1:07:26 PM At least NOW is not lobbying for lower pay for women and the repeal of title 9. 3370. bubbaette - 6/24/2002 1:22:22 PM And if CWA is lobbying for that, they are wasting their time and energy. Ain't gonna happen. 3371. arkymalarky - 6/24/2002 4:00:29 PM 3366-3370 were moved from Suggestions, just as Bob hollered he was ready. 3372. vw - 6/24/2002 4:05:46 PM I'm wondering where people came up with the gender stereotype that women are the ones who are slow getting ready to go somewhere. 3373. Åse - 6/24/2002 4:16:11 PM Fraternal Order of Time 3374. godlessclif - 6/24/2002 9:03:26 PM It is IWF that is bankrolling Christina Hoff Sommers and Camile Paglia to try and get tille nine repealed, but CWA is equally odious. War against Boys written by the hoffsommers advocates more money be spent on boys that girls . And she has the nerve to call herself a feminist. 3375. vw - 6/24/2002 11:01:21 PM War against Boys written by the hoffsommers advocates more money be spent on boys that girls. 3376. Erinys - 6/25/2002 12:37:24 AM bubbaette, I agree with your statement about society had been changing and the laws hadn't kept up 3377. Erinys - 6/25/2002 12:40:23 AM calling judith! 3378. PincherMartin - 6/25/2002 7:56:38 AM Where have all the brainy men gone? 3379. judithathome - 6/25/2002 8:14:32 AM As a nation, we simply can't afford to have half of our population not developing the skill sets that we are going to need to go into the future," said Susan L. Traiman, director of the group's education initiative. 3380. bubbaette - 6/25/2002 8:26:08 AM Erinys 3381. PincherMartin - 6/25/2002 8:26:36 AM There was concern about the subject. 3382. PincherMartin - 6/25/2002 8:27:22 AM Message # 3381 is addressed to Judith. 3383. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 8:28:41 AM And RustlerPike, just for you, easier divorce laws were instituted by men, when other factors are accounted for, including high pollen counts. 3384. PincherMartin - 6/25/2002 8:35:07 AM Judith -- 3385. msivorytower - 6/25/2002 8:35:49 AM "This is new. We have thrown the gender switch," said Christina Hoff Sommers, a resident scholar at the American Enterprise Institute and author of "The War Against Boys." "What does it mean in the long run that we have females who are significantly more literate, significantly more educated than their male counterparts? It is likely to create a lot of social problems. This does not bode well for anyone." 3386. bubbaette - 6/25/2002 8:38:06 AM As far as the "problem" of more women attending college than men -- I don't think it's that great a mystery or a harbinger of brainy spinsters. 3387. msivorytower - 6/25/2002 8:41:52 AM However, there was always a huge gender gap when it came to higher education, mostly because until the 1830's women were barred from access (in the US, of course). Once women were allowed into colleges in large numbers (not really until the second quarter of the 20th century), the gender attainment gap for higher education began shrinking. It has been shrinking ever since then, and it has shrunk particularly within fields, which is probably the most important issue today. 3388. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 8:44:50 AM Ahhh, shaddap, judith. 3389. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 8:49:26 AM The answer to the riddle posed by PM's link is, of course - the men are depressed, confused, and can hardly tell the time of day, much less study for four or eight years, subjected as they are to femmie torture from birth. 3390. msivorytower - 6/25/2002 8:50:27 AM "We just can't figure out how to get more male applicants, and we're not going to turn students down on the basis on gender," Lomax said. "I don't understand what is happening in the male community that is making education seem less attractive and less compelling." 3391. msivorytower - 6/25/2002 8:58:39 AM "One of the first things we need to know is what is happening to boys right after high school," said Michael T. Nettles, a University of Michigan education professor and researcher. "This is something that needs to be carefully examined before we jump to any firm conclusions about its implications for employment opportunities, long-term economic benefits and families." 3392. judithathome - 6/25/2002 9:01:02 AM Surely, I can stir your liberal impulses by pointing out that correcting this problem is not so much a victory for men as it is a victory for racial justice 3393. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 9:31:08 AM As Bubbaette illustrates above, men still have more non-college high paying job options than women, mostly in the trades and manual labor occupations. And as men's competitive edge in the white collar professions has declined (due to anti-discriminatory laws and policies), the lure of a college degree has fallen for men. 3394. vw - 6/25/2002 9:36:56 AM Where was all this concern when women were the ones not developing the skill sets needed for the future? 3395. vw - 6/25/2002 9:38:15 AM Whew sorry for this mess: 3396. vw - 6/25/2002 9:41:15 AM men have more opportunities to make money without a degree. 3397. vw - 6/25/2002 9:43:06 AM if no man but me is going to object to this shit. 3398. judithathome - 6/25/2002 9:53:07 AM Disparity in numbers does not automatically equate discrimination … that goes for women in plumbing and boys in school. 3399. bubbaette - 6/25/2002 10:01:16 AM Baloney. Women can just as easily become mechanics, plumbers, carpenters, etc. 3400. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 10:05:26 AM Oh, it has to be a man does it? So a woman objecting to this “shit” won’t do the trick huh? 3401. bubbaette - 6/25/2002 10:12:20 AM the only reason men used to get educations is because they had an advantage over women. But now that they don't - well, they know their place. 3402. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 10:14:59 AM What is the breakdown of the stats for bullshit liberal arts degrees vs. medicine, engineering, physics etc., I wonder? 3403. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 10:15:49 AM Bubb, you are dense. 3404. bubbaette - 6/25/2002 10:18:16 AM Well that certainly furthers the discussion. No issue with the substance of my post, just a non-sequitor is the best you can muster? 3405. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 10:20:01 AM Someone explain to bubb that I was mocking MsIt's "logic", not agreeing with it. 3406. bubbaette - 6/25/2002 10:43:19 AM I don't see how that follows from anything MsIT posted. Perhaps I should break it down into bite size pieces for your easy digestion: 3407. marjoribanks - 6/25/2002 10:54:39 AM I've said most of this before. 3408. marjoribanks - 6/25/2002 10:57:03 AM What is exactly the Spike thesis? 3409. CalGal - 6/25/2002 10:57:31 AM Pincher points out the obvious thing to wonder about, absent any statistics--it seems obvious that Hispanic and African American men are making up a substantial amount of the gap. This suggests that they aren't becoming plumbers, but going to jail, getting murdered, and sitting on the street waiting for the next fix--again, in disproportionate numbers. 3410. marjoribanks - 6/25/2002 10:58:30 AM Here is my question - what is wrong with having women wield increasingly greater power over human affairs? What is the down side? 3411. Indiana Jones - 6/25/2002 11:01:45 AM Less sex? 3412. marjoribanks - 6/25/2002 11:08:08 AM Less sex has not been my experience. 3413. thoughtful - 6/25/2002 11:09:07 AM % female bachelor degrees awarded, 1971 and 1998 3414. CalGal - 6/25/2002 11:10:11 AM Rule the world? Unlikely. Ms points out, this situation is nothing new. Besides, a substantial number of those women take a mcJob, a low-paying but high security job, or stay at home and let her husband be the wallet that funds her life. A college degree doesn't mean dick if you're going to waste it. 3415. bubbaette - 6/25/2002 11:10:50 AM I disagree that women have fewer opportunities than men in the trades. Women don't choose the trades; if they want a non-college job they tend to go with those that have a low barrier to entry: secretary, receptionist, retail. 3416. vw - 6/25/2002 11:14:09 AM RP, I'll warn you once. Anymore posts like #3403 and I'll start removing them. 3417. CalGal - 6/25/2002 11:15:03 AM So which came first, the chicken or the egg? 3418. vw - 6/25/2002 11:15:30 AM But Bub, you're talking 30 years ago, right? We've had several decades of all kinds of programs encouraging young women to take up all kinds of careers including trades. 3419. marjoribanks - 6/25/2002 11:16:27 AM Look at Iran, a country dealing with a variety of complex issues. Women there make up the majority of college students, even particularly in key areas like medicine. Who can argue that this is a bad thing? To my mind, it indicates that Iran has an increasingly healthy society and that it will emerge in the next decades as more viable and progressive than ever before. 3420. marjoribanks - 6/25/2002 11:19:17 AM Trades in this country, like the guilds of Europe in the last century, are clubs that you enter over time and after gaining acceptance beyond your skills. I think it rather foolish to assume that it is as easy as getting, say, plumbing qualifications in order to set up as an independent plumber. Society, those clubs, the guild-like structures, have to move to a point where women are as welcome as men in those fields. 3421. thoughtful - 6/25/2002 11:20:44 AM Educational attainment is not unrelated to future income flows. (Data for 1999.) 3422. CalGal - 6/25/2002 11:22:34 AM Median income distorts the picture, of course. Like to like, the discrepancy very nearly disappears, or is down to 10% or so. 3423. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 11:25:06 AM vw: 3424. Daniel Sickles - 6/25/2002 11:28:00 AM It is really so individual a determination, I think it eludes broad generalization. In the end, the feminization of the professional workforce will always run into child-bearing and, to a lesser but still significant extent, primary child-rearing counterweights. The feminization, however, has impacted the support system greatly, with the advent of daycare, FMLA, anti-discrimination provisions, stepped-up child support enforcement and greater wage equity. With all of these supports (and more), coupled with changing attitudes about gender roles, the workplace is indeed more attractive to women. 3425. bubbaette - 6/25/2002 11:30:22 AM My premise is based on the fact that 25 years ago, women were actively discouraged or prohibited from getting the kind of vocational training that would feed into a post-high school job paying more than a subsistance level wage. So when you look among the ranks of carpenters, plumbers, electricians, mechanics at mid-career, you are not going to see any women. 3426. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 11:31:29 AM thoughtful: 3427. Daniel Sickles - 6/25/2002 11:32:47 AM The trades are hostile to women, for various reasons, most of which have been supplied by bubba. Additionally, the forces of socialization don't exactly make plumber, carpenter, and construction worker high up on the wish list of a young female. And there is a physical component as well. 3428. CalGal - 6/25/2002 11:35:00 AM Even with all of these changes, barring divorce, most women - even most professional women - will eventually take the role of the income-dependent, primary child-giver. 3429. Daniel Sickles - 6/25/2002 11:36:02 AM The law can be a bitch if you enter into the wrong kind of contract, no doubt. 3430. iiibbb - 6/25/2002 11:36:20 AM 3431. iiibbb - 6/25/2002 11:37:28 AM My last was to Message # 3422 3432. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 11:39:59 AM Marj: 3433. marjoribanks - 6/25/2002 11:50:09 AM Spike, 3434. marjoribanks - 6/25/2002 11:52:23 AM And, just for the record, I see no cost to me (or society) whatsoever in having women get jobs, gain acceptance in every workplace, and reach positions of authority. And as previously stated, I can see benefits. Thus, this whole "question" is irrelevant and silly. 3435. vw - 6/25/2002 11:57:55 AM Whenever I broach it - I get deleted, thrown from thread to thread, etc. 3436. bubbaette - 6/25/2002 12:02:07 PM For the record I supported RP getting his thread in the Suggestions Thread. 3437. vw - 6/25/2002 12:05:54 PM Bad Rap #1: Men often desert their wives and children. 3438. Rama - 6/25/2002 12:07:40 PM I'm all for it, Spike, I have zero reasons to prefer men, and experience has taught me in these USA that men are more likely to feel threatened (for no good reason whatsoever) by me than a solid, reasonable, woman. 3439. vw - 6/25/2002 12:13:21 PM Thank you Rama, well said. 3440. Daniel Sickles - 6/25/2002 12:14:02 PM All other things being equal, I prefer a man to a woman superior, but the preference is attributable almost solely to my immaturity. 3441. marjoribanks - 6/25/2002 12:24:09 PM Rama, 3442. Rama - 6/25/2002 12:34:30 PM I have no idea exactly what you're trying to say wrt manipulation. 3443. Indiana Jones - 6/25/2002 12:35:32 PM I do my best work under women. 3444. stostosto - 6/25/2002 12:38:18 PM Women do their best work under me. 3445. Rama - 6/25/2002 12:42:28 PM 3443. Indiana Jones - 6/25/02 5:35:32 PM 3446. betty - 6/25/2002 3:04:29 PM Baloney. Women can just as easily become mechanics, plumbers, carpenters, etc. Apparently they don’t choose to. 3447. thoughtful - 6/25/2002 3:24:01 PM gender differences...don't remember the stat on children's books...how many more male characters there are than female, especially lead characters. But I do remember one thing. First most often career for a woman is a homemaker. 3448. judithathome - 6/25/2002 3:26:57 PM RP will like that one. 3449. vw - 6/25/2002 3:39:30 PM women are told they are better at that sort of thing and men don't believe women are capable of doing the job 3450. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 3:52:17 PM Eh, well, overall the response to my plea for a thread was not as bad as it would have been a year or two ago. Here and there there is a hint of an inkling that some of the men are starting to realize that they are being duped. 3451. TabouliJones - 6/25/2002 3:59:05 PM Although I do not share Rustler's particularly skewed and embittered take on women and feminism, these days, I find myself growing increasingly impatient with certain women who buy into bogus, pseudo-feminist notions -- namely: 3452. TabouliJones - 6/25/2002 3:59:44 PM 3) Those women who too readily jump to the conclusion that criticisms of prominent, successful, women are necessarily motivated by sexism. Example one: Once in a discussion with a law school friend about certain judges on Canada's Supreme Court, I mentioned that I found a particular woman judge to be too hardline for my liking on certain issues of criminal law. I was jumped on immediately for being sexist and drawing a wrongheaded conclusion based on the judge's gender. The criticism was completely out of left field and nonsensical. My comment had nothing to do with the judge's gender. In fact, my preferred approach (at the time) to issues of criminal punisment were basically in line with those of another woman judge on the court. Example Two: Today I commented to a woman colleague that it would be welcome commeuppance to see Martha Stewart get nailed for insider trading. The woman stated that if Martha Stewart were a man, she wouldn't get criticised so much for being a bitch -- that Stewart is simply an aggressive business woman doing what male business executives do with impunity and kudos all the time. Problem is, Stewart is by almost any standard, a piranha with a well documented cruel streak. There is a distinction between hard nosed business woman and unrepentant asshole. If Stewart were a man, people such as myself would still think her to be a terrible person. 3453. TabouliJones - 6/25/2002 3:59:55 PM So there you have it, my laundry list of women that try my patience these days. Don't get me wrong, the above isn't meant as a general criticism of women or feminism. It is just a commentary on my impatience with that small percentage of women who glom onto feminist ideas as a reason for unfounded grievances against men in general or as an excuse for bad behaviour. 3454. vw - 6/25/2002 4:08:53 PM Maybe after Al Qaeda pulls its next stunt you guys and gals will be even more receptive to the idea of a Secret War on Men thread. 3455. vw - 6/25/2002 4:11:39 PM I find myself growing increasingly impatient with certain women who buy into bogus, pseudo-feminist notions 3456. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 4:13:15 PM Tabouli: 3457. vw - 6/25/2002 4:15:48 PM The fact is though, if there are so many people committing fucking suicide (and sometimes murder) that is attributable directly to the legal aspects of the gender war 3458. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 4:18:59 PM vw: 3459. vw - 6/25/2002 4:19:35 PM 40% or 50% chance of having your children taken from you 3460. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 4:23:12 PM vw: 3461. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 4:25:37 PM I guess that means women have a 50-60% chance of losing their children, correct? 3462. ivan osokin - 6/25/2002 4:26:38 PM y'know...this whole gender/marriage problem is only a problem because we impose inflexible and unrealistic rules for something that is essentially fluid and amorphous. if it weren't for this possessiveness that's rooted in "all-or-nothing" monogamy, perhaps these alleged suicides would all but disappear. there is a high rate of divorce because people believe what they were told and they find it wasn't true. 3463. TabouliJones - 6/25/2002 4:28:02 PM VW, 3464. betty - 6/25/2002 4:38:03 PM my problem is that I find the above reasoning no more or less compelling than women don't work those jobs because they don't want to. 3465. Rama - 6/25/2002 4:40:32 PM y'know...this whole gender/marriage problem is only a problem because we impose inflexible and unrealistic rules for something that is essentially fluid and amorphous. 3466. CalGal - 6/25/2002 4:45:49 PM I'm also not going to pretend that social pressures don't influence perceived self-interest. 3467. godlessclif - 6/25/2002 4:45:51 PM Men just have to get over the idea that they own their wives and children. Abe Lincoln Freed the slaves and Susan B. Anthony freed the women. Now stop beating the shit out of your wife and kids and they won't leave you. 3468. betty - 6/25/2002 4:56:49 PM Cal, 3469. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 4:57:09 PM Rama: 3470. ivan osokin - 6/25/2002 5:01:13 PM Nope. Aside from the fact that "gender/marriage" problem is a conflation error in the first place, the notion that the problem is that the rules of marriage are too inflexible is exactly opposite of the case. The point of marriage is to bring order and stability to the essentially fluid and amorphous feelings and behaviors of human beings. 3471. CalGal - 6/25/2002 5:06:19 PM Betty, last I checked women were grownups, which means they make their own choices. I'm amazed that you don't find it rather insulting to assume that we all need to be protected. After all, if a woman can't make appropriate choices, why hire her in the first place? Shouldn't we fix society first and then let us all out into the world, where we'll be safe from the harsh judgment of anyone who disagrees with our choices? 3472. Rama - 6/25/2002 5:09:12 PM Your Message # 3455 I don't like, your Message # 3465 I do like. 3473. RustlerPike - 6/25/2002 5:12:22 PM betty: 3474. Rama - 6/25/2002 5:23:32 PM EXACTLY! that's my point! 3475. Rama - 6/25/2002 5:23:51 PM and is the reason why we have so much shit in our lives... 3476. CalGal - 6/25/2002 5:31:07 PM No, the problem is that selfishness is not as productive a strategy as cooperaration. 3477. ivan osokin - 6/25/2002 5:40:37 PM thank you Cal...for once we agree. 3478. CalGal - 6/25/2002 5:44:19 PM Feminism is based on the assumption that men have to take care of women's interests. 3479. Snowowl - 6/25/2002 6:08:38 PM Feminism is based on the assumption that we need to redesign the world in order to protect women's interests regardless of the moronic decisions they make while demanding their right to be equal. 3480. CalGal - 6/25/2002 6:13:58 PM First off, I think you missed the mild irony. 3481. msivorytower - 6/25/2002 6:25:53 PM I like the evo-bio/evo-psych explanations for the development of monogamous marriage. It has certainly been a very good deal for both parties (that is, serving their basic self-interests and the interests of preserving offspring) at least until very recently. 3482. betty - 6/25/2002 6:26:24 PM exactly Snow! 3483. CalGal - 6/25/2002 6:28:13 PM . Married men, as several studies have now shown, live longer, live healthier lives (are better taken care of), and are happier (measured someway) than those who remain unmarried. 3484. iiibbb - 6/25/2002 6:31:35 PM Message # 3473 3485. CalGal - 6/25/2002 6:34:34 PM Betty, 3486. msivorytower - 6/25/2002 6:38:49 PM Cal 3487. CalGal - 6/25/2002 6:42:41 PM They look at married men and women over time, not necessary that they have the same partners from point A to Z. 3488. Slackjaw - 6/25/2002 6:45:45 PM Howdy... 3489. msivorytower - 6/25/2002 6:46:18 PM Cal 3490. CalGal - 6/25/2002 6:49:18 PM iiibbb, 3491. iiibbb - 6/25/2002 6:49:54 PM Message # 3485 3492. CalGal - 6/25/2002 6:51:22 PM So you are sure that marriage causes the change, and it's not simply a case of more fit men attracting (and keeping) the marriage partners? 3493. msivorytower - 6/25/2002 6:55:47 PM Hey Slack 3494. msivorytower - 6/25/2002 6:58:35 PM But in that case it is hard to argue that these surveys show that marriage is good for women. 3495. iiibbb - 6/25/2002 7:01:52 PM Message # 3451 3496. CalGal - 6/25/2002 7:02:52 PM Ms, 3497. CalGal - 6/25/2002 7:06:10 PM it seems like there are a large number who want are dilettants who want the accolades of experts. 3498. ivan osokin - 6/25/2002 7:07:26 PM well...as i know betty...neither of us consider the government as anything other than an easy way for defense contractors to make more money ;) 3499. iiibbb - 6/25/2002 7:07:34 PM Message # 3495 3500. msivorytower - 6/25/2002 7:08:54 PM Cal 3501. CalGal - 6/25/2002 7:32:35 PM Ivan, 3502. CalGal - 6/25/2002 7:34:10 PM I would argue that it is not necessarily because of any unequal burdens it places on the modern male. 3503. betty - 6/25/2002 7:37:48 PM Cal, 3504. CalGal - 6/25/2002 7:57:44 PM Betty, I reread your posts and unless I missed something this time round, you're correct--you haven't really proposed any changes. Perhaps I'm just extrapolating based on other ideas you've supported and the fact that you are so ready to blame the culture. If so, I apologize. I find it really reprehensible to even mention cultural pressures in a discussion about women's career choices (or non-choices). To the extent that societal culture is a problem, it's caused by the readiness with which it allows and even encourages women to be utterly irresponsible. 3505. ivan osokin - 6/25/2002 7:59:53 PM But in fact I don't think the system is biased against women and I actively oppose the sorts of changes that betty and others support. 3506. CalGal - 6/25/2002 8:18:37 PM i can't fathom any western la-la-land where there isn't bias against women 3507. Rama - 6/25/2002 8:20:38 PM I disagree that marriage is cooperative instead of selfish. It is both parties acting in their perceived self-interest. 3508. CalGal - 6/25/2002 8:28:32 PM 3509. Snowowl - 6/25/2002 9:42:20 PM Thus conveniently ignoring the fact that women are making less money overall because many of them are taking the free ride that society hands them and substitutes instead a self-serving fantasy. 3510. CalGal - 6/25/2002 10:03:20 PM 3511. Snowowl - 6/25/2002 10:12:47 PM I still don't understand. Are you saying that (presumably) fathers in a divorce situation shouldn't contribute towards the cost of their children's upbringing? If so, why not? 3512. vw - 6/25/2002 10:16:43 PM Are you saying that (presumably) fathers in a divorce situation shouldn't contribute towards the cost of their children's upbringing? 3513. CalGal - 6/25/2002 10:18:24 PM Are you saying that (presumably) fathers in a divorce situation shouldn't contribute towards the cost of their children's upbringing? 3514. Rama - 6/25/2002 10:22:16 PM No. It just means that "selfish" isn't a derogatory term. 3515. Rama - 6/25/2002 10:25:12 PM How did you get that? 3516. CalGal - 6/25/2002 10:26:19 PM Anytime you say "All A is B" you have removed B as a meaningful discriptor of A. 3517. CalGal - 6/25/2002 10:30:33 PM Incidentally, Rama, I'm not at all sure what point you're trying to drive home, save that all unmarried/divorced people are either selfish or incompetent. But whatever point it is, you can certainly do it while still acknowledging that people marry because they are acting in their own self-interest, not because they've chosen to cooperate in some fundamentally uplifting way. It's a contract. Anything else is optional. 3518. betty - 6/25/2002 10:33:35 PM Cal, 3519. Rama - 6/26/2002 12:05:58 AM Not true. You've removed it as a meaningful distinguisher. All Women Are Mammals does not make mammals an irrelevant attribute of women. 3520. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 12:08:00 AM 3521. CalGal - 6/26/2002 12:11:19 AM It is, perhaps, why you were unsuccessful at marriage. 3522. Rama - 6/26/2002 12:12:44 AM Incidentally, Rama, I'm not at all sure what point you're trying to drive home, save that all unmarried/divorced people are either selfish or incompetent. 3523. Rama - 6/26/2002 12:14:43 AM You are, again, confusing relationships with marriage. 3524. CalGal - 6/26/2002 12:19:32 AM The words distinguisher and attribute are not the same. 3525. CalGal - 6/26/2002 12:35:22 AM There are a wide range of emotional and physical relationships that exist within the context of marriage. 3526. CalGal - 6/26/2002 12:46:19 AM Betty, 3527. betty - 6/26/2002 8:14:45 AM Cal, 3528. RickNelson - 6/26/2002 8:36:10 AM What's it like to be part of the priveleged white man middle-class(exclude any context of the rich)? Supposed to have the highest paying jobs, access to so many things, or what? What the hell is this shit? 3529. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 8:43:08 AM Well in my 16K/yr job they lavish me with attention. I get free masages and a key to the WASPM bathroom with jacozy etc. 3530. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 8:47:43 AM Message # 3527 3531. Indiana Jones - 6/26/2002 8:48:12 AM In that case, you must be real losers because you started out with all the advantages and still didn't make nothing of yourselves. 3532. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 8:58:30 AM ACtually indiana I'm studying for my PhD. 3533. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 9:06:05 AM There was something on NPR's "Talk of the Nation" about paying dues. 3534. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 9:10:25 AM And beyond the "glass ceiling"... I feel that men experience something I would call the glass walls. Women really do have quite a bit of latitude with how they express themselves and how choose to spend their life. 3535. msivorytower - 6/26/2002 9:23:07 AM Women may not get as far up the ladders... but I really do think they have more ladders to choose from. 3536. msivorytower - 6/26/2002 9:29:44 AM Well, actually, I want to modify my complete agreement. I agree this is the case for women in certain socio-economic classes, I'm not sure it is true for women in the lower socio-economic classes. 3537. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 9:31:20 AM But I am speaking in generalities too... because men in certain socio-economic classes probably can't get as high up the ladder. 3538. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 9:34:29 AM Take a family just above poverty... minimum choices. The woman can work... raise the family... run a business making knick-knacks at home (pot holders etc)... get part time work... 3539. Indiana Jones - 6/26/2002 9:42:49 AM iiibbb: As a white male caveman myself, I was joking with you. But I do see that attitude a lot: if you are a man and you made it, well, you had all the advantages to start with. On the other hand, a white male living in poverty is assumed to be unambitious or otherwise a loser. 3540. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 9:45:35 AM I got you IJ... my reply was for the irony impaired, as well as a statement toward those who don't want to pay dues... 3541. Indiana Jones - 6/26/2002 10:14:46 AM The two parts of this particular debate that interest me are sex and reproduction. Otherwise, I'm just philosophically not much into discussing "group" generalizations. 3542. TabouliJones - 6/26/2002 10:40:49 AM Rustler 3543. TabouliJones - 6/26/2002 10:41:09 AM 3544. ivan osokin - 6/26/2002 10:45:17 AM On the other hand, a white male living in poverty is assumed to be unambitious or otherwise a loser. 3545. CalGal - 6/26/2002 10:46:33 AM Indy, 3546. CalGal - 6/26/2002 11:04:15 AM 3is3bs, 3547. Indiana Jones - 6/26/2002 11:16:36 AM Cal: I wasn't sure what you meant in 3545. Does this elaborate your meaning? 3548. CalGal - 6/26/2002 11:27:15 AM Indy--that's related, but tangential. I assumed, perhaps wrongly, that your comment here: 3549. TabouliJones - 6/26/2002 11:31:44 AM All this talk of divorce reminds me of a funny little story that I will share, simply because I am in need of some levity (tomorrow, I will be attending the funeral of a six month old baby). 3550. CalGal - 6/26/2002 11:36:12 AM That's awful. Was it an accident? 3551. thoughtful - 6/26/2002 11:44:47 AM Re RPs #3460 and suicide rates being related to marriage, death rates by suicide for boys between the ages of 5 to 14 is 3 times higher than the death rate by suicide for girls the same age. I didn't realize boys were getting married so young. Or perhaps it's because they aren't yet old enough to get married that leads to suicide, eh? Nope, no lurking variable here! 3552. TabouliJones - 6/26/2002 11:47:01 AM Calgal, 3553. CalGal - 6/26/2002 11:49:23 AM I hope there wasn't too much pain. I'm sorry. 3554. TabouliJones - 6/26/2002 11:52:11 AM Thanks Cal. 3555. vw - 6/26/2002 12:02:52 PM This was their first child, which makes the hurt all the worse for them. 3556. bubbaette - 6/26/2002 12:04:23 PM Re RPs #3460 and suicide rates being related to marriage, death rates by suicide for boys between the ages of 5 to 14 is 3 times higher than the death rate by suicide for girls the same age. 3557. vw - 6/26/2002 12:13:46 PM Re: gender differences in suicide. 3558. TabouliJones - 6/26/2002 12:15:36 PM Thanks vw. The parents are holding up as well as can be expected. They are getting support from the family, but also the space needed to deal with their grief privately and on their own terms. I appreciate the sympathy from fellow motiers. 3559. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 12:37:59 PM A friend of mine was trying to creep us out one day and downloaded the hemlock societies methodology guide on how to kill yourself. 3560. thoughtful - 6/26/2002 1:36:35 PM TabouliJ, My sympathies on the death of a child. Always a difficult thing to understand and cope with. 3561. thoughtful - 6/26/2002 1:47:58 PM X is only an issue to those that don't have it. X can be many things...money, power, dominant sex, dominant race. 3562. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 1:54:20 PM Usually my awareness and how I handle it depends on how the other person brings up their differences. 3563. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 1:55:47 PM I recall a guy I knew in my dorms... he accused me of being racist because I never treated him well... Even though I had a black room-mate... but the deal was that this guy was a prick and an asshole... and that's why I treated him the way I did. I just plain didn't like him. 3564. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 1:59:05 PM As far as people feeling uneasy because of 'subtlties'... well I can hardly apologize for that. Those subtlies are probably not a conscious effort on our part to discriminate... it's how we were socialized. 3565. vw - 6/26/2002 2:02:06 PM People who choose 'alternative' lifestyles [snipped] I mean any time you set out to celebrate or emphasize your differences, you can well expect that people will react to those differences. 3566. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 2:10:00 PM It does when the person makes sex or race the primary context by which they want to be addressed. 3567. TabouliJones - 6/26/2002 2:15:46 PM Thoughtful, 3568. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 2:21:31 PM Tabouli...I think that's a good distinction. Any time you have group a bunch people who have something that they all hold in common with an ousider... that outsider is going to pick up on little signals. 3569. TabouliJones - 6/26/2002 2:23:25 PM I personally think a lot of tension could be eased if people just lightened up a little. 3570. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 2:26:15 PM Malcolm in the Middle did a funny episode (they're all funny of course) where Malcolm's dad got invited to play poker with his black friend and his buddies. These were all affluent black men, and they really hammed up how uncomfortable Malcolm's dad felt. He kept trying to fit in, but was so pathetic about it. 3571. RustlerPike - 6/26/2002 2:32:48 PM If anyone thinks the discussion of the Secret War on Men deserves a thread of its own, do say so in Suggestions. Five people have, so far, but Ms. No is only counting them as one. So I figure if five more voice support for the idea, that would make one and a half in favor. 3572. bubbaette - 6/26/2002 2:34:32 PM Maybe by "woman mechanic" she means gynecologist. 3573. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 2:40:41 PM no...singular just means lesbian... 3574. betty - 6/26/2002 2:42:06 PM ibx3 3575. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 2:42:50 PM Another example are women who insist on using womyn. Fucking annoying, if not adversarial. I would absolutly go into a discussion with womyn about womyn's rights with an entirely diffent attitude than I would go into a discussion with women about women's right. 3576. iiibbb - 6/26/2002 2:44:26 PM I think it was everything betty... they were doing some black cultural things too that he couldn't relate to... needless it was a well done episode... it's a well done show anyhow. 3577. thoughtful - 6/26/2002 3:00:03 PM TJ, #3567, duh. That was my point. That's why I called it X. 3578. thoughtful - 6/26/2002 3:08:09 PM betty, I agree wholeheartedly about class being an important issue. Here in the northeast, no doubt there's racial discrimination, but social class discrimination is a far more critical factor. In our area, I think of the cost of housing as a "social vetting" process. If you can afford the neighborhood, regardless of color, then you're ok. 3579. TabouliJones - 6/26/2002 3:14:14 PM TJ, #3567, duh. That was my point. That's why I called it X. 3580. CalGal - 6/26/2002 3:36:06 PM The reason class isn't made an issue is largely because various minorities get so angry about it. The fact is that most middle class and upper middle class blacks have far more in common with whites than with poor blacks. Likewise, Ivan chastised me for not caring about those women who hadn't been "as fortunate". So we aren't really allowed to transcend race and gender to address class. 3581. betty - 6/26/2002 3:41:59 PM Cal, 3582. CalGal - 6/26/2002 4:13:03 PM Betty, 3583. msivorytower - 6/26/2002 4:52:06 PM I definitely think the impact of class is underrated in this country, but it is complicated and is less related to race and ethnicity (as in some other countries) than intergenerational occupation and earnings. In addition, socioeconomic class distinctions can be quite temporary at the individual level in America. 3584. betty - 6/26/2002 5:03:18 PM MsIT, 3585. msivorytower - 6/26/2002 5:08:24 PM Betty 3586. vw - 6/27/2002 7:40:27 AM Meta-analysis find joint custody to be better for kids of divorce. 3587. bubbaette - 6/27/2002 8:47:10 AM Saw this link in The Atlantic and thought it was interesting: 3588. betty - 6/27/2002 1:17:52 PM Question: 3589. iiibbb - 6/27/2002 1:39:15 PM I think chainsaw operator is in the top 10... that makes me close. 3590. thoughtful - 6/27/2002 1:39:34 PM Nope...I thought it was farming. Interesting article. 3591. PelleNilsson - 6/27/2002 2:10:02 PM What are "timber cutters" if not chainsaw operators? Sawmill employees? 3592. iiibbb - 6/27/2002 2:12:46 PM Chaisaw operators are timber cutters... I didn't read the article until after I guessed. 3593. iiibbb - 6/27/2002 2:13:19 PM I used to work for an arborist too... I used a chainsaw everyday in that job. 3594. concerned - 6/28/2002 1:35:18 AM Where was all this concern when women were the ones not developing the skill sets needed for the future? 3595. vw - 6/28/2002 9:11:51 AM "overshoot" 3596. PelleNilsson - 6/28/2002 10:53:08 AM the significant number of young men involved in critical activity is a costly problem 3597. concerned - 6/28/2002 11:07:37 AM "overshoot" 3598. vw - 6/28/2002 12:16:20 PM Too many young literary/film/theater/ballet critics around? 3599. vw - 6/28/2002 12:26:35 PM Not static numbers, of course, but relative percentages, as has been the norm in the debate since it was first conceived. 3600. Jamie R - 6/30/2002 11:43:58 AM I was hanging out with the DD on the plaground the other day. A (young) teenage girl was playing tennis in white short (very short) shorts with the word "hottie" emblazoned across her ass in bright red letters. Wtf? 3601. CalGal - 6/30/2002 11:55:25 AM That whole notion of slutware really gets people going. I dunno; I was wearing short shorts and halter tops back in the 70s. I had a tank top that said "Dangerous Curves". Is this so much further? 3602. Jamie R - 6/30/2002 12:10:34 PM Hahahaha. No, I would say not. 3603. CalGal - 6/30/2002 12:19:38 PM Heh. 3604. Jamie R - 6/30/2002 12:20:35 PM Um, discreet sluttiness. 3605. CalGal - 6/30/2002 12:26:50 PM See, if my calculus study were moving along more quickly, I might have caught that. 3606. judithathome - 6/30/2002 12:27:52 PM I think teens and what they call "tweens"...11 and 12 year olds...have been toying with slut wear for some time but the stuff that bothers me is the 6, 7, and 8 year olds doing it. Because you can sort of see young teens who've matured earlier and who go to the mall and buy their own stuff doing this but a 6 year old needs her mom's help and awareness to end up in slutty clothes. 3607. Jamie R - 6/30/2002 12:33:47 PM >>>But I don't know how new it is. 3608. CalGal - 6/30/2002 12:39:49 PM hahaha! to Jamie. 3609. judithathome - 6/30/2002 1:28:36 PM ..and if the 8 year olds even want to dress that way later. 3610. Jamie R - 6/30/2002 1:32:10 PM I have a friend who has issues about being a slut. She's one of those people who has pretty much always had a boyfriend from puberty onward, although she hasn't really slept with all that many of them. 3611. judithathome - 6/30/2002 1:36:21 PM Bull...slut status is reached when you forget the numbers. 3612. iiibbb - 6/30/2002 1:48:59 PM so dumb people become sluts faster? 3613. iiibbb - 6/30/2002 1:49:17 PM I guess that makes sense. 3614. judithathome - 6/30/2002 2:09:58 PM Well, dumb...or fun; whatever the perspective. ;-) 3615. iiibbb - 6/30/2002 2:19:40 PM This was just a topic on NPR's "Talk of the Nation"... any of you guys call in? 3616. iiibbb - 6/30/2002 2:23:13 PM Children for the most part are clueless and grow out of it. I don't expect girls wearing clothes like that to grow up as sluts, as I do boys playing army or cops and robbers to grow up wanting to shoot everyone. 3617. judithathome - 6/30/2002 2:26:42 PM I agree...and many's the girl who was prime and proper til she reaches the age of consent and then all hell breaks loose. 3618. joezan - 6/30/2002 11:32:58 PM I'm seeing those shorts all over. Haven't seen Hottie yet - I think mostly they've been the brand name, emblazoned across both cheeks and looking very cheesily homemade - as if the girl had simply written across the seat of her pants herself in Magic Marker or lipstick. 3619. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 12:30:53 AM There is no real difference between adolescents and adults in our society. There is no patriarchy, there is no matriarchy, there is social anarchy. 50 year olds are expected to be as preoccupied with being sexy and getting laid as 16 year olds are. The adult roles are gone. It's all unisex, uniage, unishit. 3620. CalGal - 7/1/2002 12:47:02 AM Really. Have we stopped having children? 3621. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 3:04:50 AM Really. Have we stopped having children? 3622. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 3:16:00 AM Your question is symptomatic of the problem, CruelGal. People still have children, but they have less children, much later in life, and they devote less time to their upbringing. In any case, getting laid and giving birth doesn't require any particular model or morality or social structure. The fact that you see "having children" (the phrase you used) as more or less the same as "being raised to become married mothers" (the phrase I used) shows you have a deeeep problem. 3623. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 3:18:51 AM Strike "you raise the children and I'll pay the bills". Make that "you take care of the home stuff and I'll pay the bills." 3624. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 3:26:18 AM Fathers raise their children evey bit as much as mothers do, though differently. 3625. RickNelson - 7/1/2002 6:33:41 AM Partly to respond to Rustler and to add this other p.o.v.. 3626. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 7:12:43 AM Yes, Rick, I remember hearing about some kind of study or article or whatever with similar findings. That somehow women had convinced themselves that they really were getting better, not older (who remembers that one? I can't for the life of me remember what it was for, though. Oil of Olay? Clairol?). 3627. vw - 7/1/2002 8:13:33 AM I saw that some women in their 40's have discovered that their desire for a career track life has left them either marriageless, childless, or both. 3628. vw - 7/1/2002 8:14:30 AM why should it surprise us if women con themselves into believing 40 is 18? 3629. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 8:15:33 AM It seems to me that there's more going on here than just women wanting to have it all and on their own terms. Marriages in general have been pushed up in age -- it takes two to tango, and both men and women have been getting married older. Would the proponent of informing women about their choices suggest knocking guys over the head and hauling them off to the courthouse before they regain consciousness? Or perhaps single parenthood? 3630. vw - 7/1/2002 8:17:27 AM But I must be wrong: all those studies show that children are growing up so healthy and happy nowadays, compared to the old "you raise the children and I'll pay the bills" days, right? 3631. vw - 7/1/2002 8:20:54 AM That somehow women had convinced themselves that they really were getting better, not older 3632. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 8:30:25 AM I think that the general point is that Rustler has wimmin problems. 3633. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 8:36:38 AM vw: 3634. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 8:39:10 AM Bubb: 3635. vw - 7/1/2002 8:42:49 AM People who say seven is one in order to prevent discussion of a subject that bothers them don't have the right to demand points of other people. 3637. vw - 7/1/2002 8:51:30 AM Bubba, posts in this thread need to contain more than just name calling, agitating or attacks. 3638. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 9:27:59 AM But you and your girlfriends, you're so secure and confident, why, you can discuss any subject in the world, can't you? No censorship on this forum, nuh-uh. 3639. vw - 7/1/2002 9:31:29 AM All of RP's posts on the topic of women are colored by his perception of women as scheming venal creatures all of which appears to result from his divorce. 3640. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 9:53:45 AM Did anyone see that something called a National Marriage Project (or some such) did a study about men marrying later than ever? Supposedly this was putting them in conflict with the procreating desires of women. (Seems unlikely to me, since men are still marrying, just in their mid to late twenties.) 3641. thoughtful - 7/1/2002 10:04:54 AM 3642. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 10:05:05 AM I read about that. As I recall, the trend was to cohabitate to get the benefits of a wife while waiting to see if something better comes along. 3643. iiibbb - 7/1/2002 10:08:04 AM I would have no qualms about being a house husband if my wife wanted to bring home the bacon... 3644. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 10:09:46 AM Re: 3642 3645. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 10:20:46 AM It's a supply and demand kinda thing -- and it works both ways, assuming that there are no kids involved. And while I think that marriage was essentially a framework for raising children, I think that there are benefits beyond raising children. 3646. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 10:37:07 AM The sensibility of keeping one foot in and one foot out is limited by the willingness of the other partner to tolerate it. There are some rewards you're only going to get if the partner believes you're committed. And the best way to convince them of that is to actually BE committed. 3647. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 10:49:51 AM The sensibility of keeping one foot in and one foot out is limited by the willingness of the other partner to tolerate it. 3648. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 10:57:20 AM 3649. CalGal - 7/1/2002 10:57:37 AM Bubba--but either party can break up the marriage at any time. I realize that's not nice, and I'm sure it is not what your husband would do, but when considering it as a plan for life, it's important to keep that in mind. (Not for you, I'm speaking generically). 3650. judithathome - 7/1/2002 11:00:00 AM Maybe people quit looking after the best thing has come along and they've married it. 3651. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 11:06:56 AM Of course, the benefits and advisability of committed LTR's is a separate question from the benefits and advisability of marriage, although I'm sure marriage tends to extend a relationship by providing an exit penalty. 3652. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 11:07:45 AM Jamie: 3653. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 11:09:53 AM Kenya has this old British law that says you can't divorce until you've been married three years. 3654. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 11:12:32 AM but either party can break up the marriage at any time. I realize that's not nice, and I'm sure it is not what your husband would do, but when considering it as a plan for life, it's important to keep that in mind. 3655. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 11:12:36 AM And before you ask - of course I'm not sorry I married my wife. Saved my life, totally, and was absolutely my best move ever. Well worth the 1½ room apartment I sold in Tel Aviv to come out and live in Africa without working for several years. 3656. thoughtful - 7/1/2002 11:15:21 AM I view marriage as legal protection for both parties who enter a long-term relationship. From the practical standpoint that is. 3657. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 11:15:53 AM Re: my own 3651. Now that I think about it, remaining married doesn't imply the existence of a relationship. How many people complain that their spouses are emotionally unavailable, sexually unavailable, physically absent etc. etc? 3658. thoughtful - 7/1/2002 11:25:23 AM Jamie R. I disagree. I know some people who aren't happy unless they are miserable. No matter how good life gets for them, they find the down side. I guess some people are either afraid of happiness or don't think they deserve it, so make sure they never get it. 3659. CalGal - 7/1/2002 11:25:28 AM Bubba--I think it's one in three, actually, not 1 in 2. 3660. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 11:28:37 AM Unhappiness definitely indicates a problem. But it's not necessarily going to be solved by dumping your partner, is it now? 3661. thoughtful - 7/1/2002 11:31:04 AM I don't think One Flesh and the selfless parenting experience are very achievable without kids though. I could be wrong. 3662. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 11:31:30 AM Thoughtful, I was being normative, not descriptive. I agree that there are people like you describe. I wouldn't say they were living wisely. 3663. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 11:31:34 AM Unhappiness indicates a problem. 3664. judithathome - 7/1/2002 11:33:25 AM Kids are not necessary for a good and wonderful marriage, believe me. I mean, kids are great but being married and happy doesn't require children to make the equation complete. 3665. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 11:34:59 AM BTW, I was using "you" in a generic sense, not "you" meaning "Jamie", or "R.P" 3666. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 11:35:11 AM >>But it's not necessarily going to be solved by dumping your partner, is it now? 3667. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 11:37:39 AM Bubbaette, I agree. 3668. iiibbb - 7/1/2002 11:45:31 AM Message # 3659 3669. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 11:47:54 AM I never would have married my wife if she didn't go and get pregnant all of a sudden. 3671. Erin R. - 7/1/2002 11:54:18 AM Nevertheless, she is correct. Marriage is a contract. A relationship is different and not contract is implied or expected. 3672. vw - 7/1/2002 12:00:12 PM #3670 was moved to The Inferno. Posts that only have content directed at insulting, agitiating or attacking will not be tolerated. 3673. iiibbb - 7/1/2002 12:10:41 PM Message # 3671 3674. vw - 7/1/2002 12:13:08 PM You're overworking the definition of "contract" iii. It is just as easy and accurate to replace it with relationship or covenant with God and not lose any of the meaning. 3675. Erin R. - 7/1/2002 12:18:11 PM Which is all the more reason, IMO, that the state should stay out of the business of marriage. Couples should be allowed to marry religiously if they choose, and have the option of a legal marriage, if they choose. 3676. vw - 7/1/2002 12:20:01 PM I believe they can. 3677. Erin R. - 7/1/2002 12:23:36 PM Can you have a church wedding, and not have it be legal? I didn't know that, except in the case where the church wedding follows the legal wedding. 3678. iiibbb - 7/1/2002 12:23:59 PM I'm just saying that's a limited definition... call it a covenant with god or a contract or whatever you want. 3679. iiibbb - 7/1/2002 12:25:45 PM I care less about what NY thinks about my marriage, than what God thinks about it. 3680. Erin R. - 7/1/2002 12:27:57 PM Had I to do again, if I had the choice, I would have married in the Church, but not (legally) by the state. 3681. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 12:32:15 PM >>Those are the only two legitimate ones 3682. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 12:33:25 PM Marital relationship obligations, that is. Presumably the state ensures that I fulfill the legal obligations. 3683. debby - 7/1/2002 12:34:06 PM Erin - out of curiosity, why would you do the religious but not the legal? If you're going to be married anyway why not the convenience (insurance etc) of legal marriage? 3684. CalGal - 7/1/2002 12:46:31 PM I care less about what NY thinks about my marriage, than what God thinks about it. 3685. CalGal - 7/1/2002 12:47:55 PM Hi, Debby! 3686. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 12:54:55 PM Don't forget about common-law marriage. In many states if you've cohabitated for a certain number of years, the state presumes a marriage with certain rights and responsibilities attached. 3687. iiibbb - 7/1/2002 1:06:03 PM But in terms of what you can legally expect, the only thing that matters is what the state of NY thinks. 3688. CalGal - 7/1/2002 1:06:57 PM Not as many as there used to be, on common law states. But then there's palimony. 3689. thoughtful - 7/1/2002 1:09:49 PM bbbtt, you just reminded me of something from way back...during the early 70s when living together was the big new thing, I had some kid convinced that my parents were really hep and didn't want to have anything to do with that institution of marriage, but since commonlaw marriage took effect after 7 years, they had to get a divorce every 7 years....there was a technical term for that called "serial divorce." He bought it. 3690. debby - 7/1/2002 1:13:06 PM I guess my questions is what aspect of legal marriage Erin doesn't want. 3691. debby - 7/1/2002 1:14:33 PM Hi Calgal 3692. CalGal - 7/1/2002 1:16:34 PM It's just a perspective that seems to be causing some misunderstanding, which is why I brought it up. 3693. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 1:17:37 PM Haw! Thoughtful, you are a woman after my own heart. 3694. CalGal - 7/1/2002 1:23:55 PM The way I see it, the stay-at-home assumed all of the risk by giving up his or her job for the benefit of the children. 3695. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 1:30:05 PM Could just be a Virginia thing, but I don't know any sah parents where it wasn't a joint decision of the couple that one would stay home. So I don't see why all the risk of that decision should be pushed off on one of the people who made that joint decision. 3696. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 1:37:50 PM >>>So I don't see why all the risk of that decision should be pushed off on one of the people who made that joint decision. 3697. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 1:38:34 PM them = contracts of this kind. 3698. CalGal - 7/1/2002 1:39:02 PM I don't know any sah parents where it wasn't a joint decision of the couple that one would stay home. 3699. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 1:44:50 PM We'll just have to agree to disagree. 3700. debby - 7/1/2002 1:51:29 PM SAHM vs WOHM aiiiieeeee! 3701. CalGal - 7/1/2002 1:59:57 PM Bubba, this isn't a matter of opinion. You made an inaccurate statement. 3702. Erin R. - 7/1/2002 2:06:30 PM Erin - out of curiosity, why would you do the religious but not the legal? If you're going to be married anyway why not the convenience (insurance etc) of legal marriage? 3703. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 2:17:31 PM To take another situation, Cal -- suppose one spouse (Spouse A)gets a job offer in Dallas -- big promotion, bigger office, more opportunities for advancement. The other spouse (Spouse B) has a job (pays less and has rather more limited options for employment, but still could provide self-sufficiency). Spouse B agrees to quit his job in order to move with the family to Dallas, but has a more difficult time finding a new job -- few openings, esoteric skills set, whatever. Spouse A decides that she's unhappy and wants a divorce. Is Spouse B just shit out of luck now because he agreed to quit his job to move with his family? 3704. thoughtful - 7/1/2002 4:36:28 PM Frankly, making choices that ignore one's spouse's needs, wants, considerations is hardly what I would call marriage. Certainly not a recipe for a long-lasting one, IMHO. 3705. Jamie R - 7/1/2002 5:48:34 PM Bubbaette, wouldn't B be entitled to half the assets accumulated while A was earning that higher salary? 3706. CalGal - 7/1/2002 5:57:19 PM Think it's unfair to force Spouse A to transfer part of her income while B gets back on his feet because only B could quit his job? 3707. Absensia - 7/1/2002 10:38:27 PM Texas, just like California and few others, are community property states, and B would be entitled to half of A's earnings plus more. Most cp states also say when you move from a non cp state to a cp state, all personal prop (including cash, annunities, etc.,) is considered community property if there is divorce or death. 3708. CalGal - 7/1/2002 10:44:32 PM Abs, we're not talking about current law, but what would be equitable in a world where we expected women (in particular) to act like grownups. 3709. bubbaette - 7/1/2002 10:53:40 PM I don't agree with the premise that a family should not be able to make a joint decision in the interest of the family as a whole without one party assuming all of the risks inherent in that decision. 3710. RustlerPike - 7/1/2002 11:13:33 PM CalGal: 3711. CalGal - 7/1/2002 11:24:18 PM I don't agree with the premise that a family should not be able to make a joint decision in the interest of the family as a whole without one party assuming all of the risks inherent in that decision. 3712. CalGal - 7/1/2002 11:25:13 PM To say nothing of the fact that neither party is making an informed decision. If the husband was required to sign off on what, specifically, he was agreeing to, he would never consent. 3713. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 9:14:37 AM Families (or married couples, as if that is somehow different from a family) make uninformed decisions all the time. Marriage itself is an uninformed decision in the sense that in the vast majority of cases there is no written contract specifying the rights and responsibilities of the partners. You could say that the body of case law surrounding the dissolution of marriages spells out the terms of the contract but I think that really only touches legal responsibilites and ignores the responsibilities inherent in the institution of marriage. 3714. betty - 7/2/2002 9:24:56 AM bubba, 3715. theDiva - 7/2/2002 9:25:26 AM I saw her first. 3716. betty - 7/2/2002 9:27:56 AM I'm down with group marriage :-) 3717. theDiva - 7/2/2002 9:29:06 AM anarchist. 3718. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 10:08:33 AM We'll have us a little foursome -- Mike can cook. 3719. theDiva - 7/2/2002 10:10:06 AM now yer talkin. 3720. judithathome - 7/2/2002 10:17:41 AM Make if a REAL gruop marriage and Keoni and I can come along.... 3721. thoughtful - 7/2/2002 10:18:34 AM bbbtt, I agree wholeheartedly. 3722. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 10:21:43 AM bubbaette, do you believe in no fault divorce? 3723. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 10:25:46 AM >>>>But to suggest that we each should maintain our own cars, buy our own food, and even take out our own garbage due to the risk that somewhere down the line we might get divorced, undoes one of the key economic benefits of marriage. 3724. PelleNilsson - 7/2/2002 10:40:23 AM I thought marriage was about love. 3725. judithathome - 7/2/2002 10:41:08 AM But to suggest that we each should maintain our own cars, buy our own food, and even take out our own garbage 3726. theDiva - 7/2/2002 10:41:20 AM cockeyed idealist. 3727. theDiva - 7/2/2002 10:41:38 AM er, that last was to Pelle. 3728. judithathome - 7/2/2002 10:43:00 AM I thought marriage was about love. 3729. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 10:44:59 AM re: 3724 3730. PelleNilsson - 7/2/2002 10:45:39 AM Yes, a cockeyed idealist, 59, married for 34 years, no children. 3731. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 10:47:41 AM They should put that on the marriage license. 3732. RustlerPike - 7/2/2002 10:49:59 AM i love you. will you marry me if your husband's legs ever get crushed in an accident on the job? 3733. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 10:56:29 AM Jamie 3734. RustlerPike - 7/2/2002 11:02:49 AM I can't believe you guys are serious. 3735. RustlerPike - 7/2/2002 11:03:41 AM Talk about chattel. Who's the slave, then? 3736. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 11:08:09 AM Get a grip, Pike -- I was using that as an example of what naturally arises from Cal's value system. In the view of marriage she espouses, it would be irresponsible not to divest oneself of a non-contributing member of the family. If he or she can't cut it on his or her own, well then he or she is a ninny who failed to make adequate arrangements for the possibility of leglessness. 3737. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 11:16:18 AM Alright, lets talk about social ostracism then. 3738. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 11:17:56 AM re 3736, bubbaette, you might want to get a grip in turn. 3739. thoughtful - 7/2/2002 11:20:57 AM Pelle, It is about love. 3740. thoughtful - 7/2/2002 11:26:17 AM JamieR, #3723, "...render oneself incapable..." 3741. judithathome - 7/2/2002 11:32:19 AM I think we're all reacting to the "marriage as a contract" thing in the way we are experiencing life at the present. To some of us, marriage is about committment and love; to others, it's more businesslike. 3742. thoughtful - 7/2/2002 11:35:01 AM Here're stats some might find interesting, from 1999 data. in thousands, # of persons with income total, 195,636; from child support, 5,146; from alimony, 462. In fact of the categories listed (stat abstract) alimony is the smallest, smaller than even company or union provided disability benefits at 482. 3743. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 11:36:27 AM thoughtful, I'm not sure what you're saying. In a situation where the man is providing income and the woman is providing a stream of domestic services, how specifically do her obligations continue to her (ex)husband once she's divorced him? How does she meet them? 3744. PelleNilsson - 7/2/2002 11:47:29 AM Jamie 3745. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 11:48:46 AM re 3736, bubbaette, you might want to get a grip in turn. 3746. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 11:54:07 AM To some of us, marriage is about committment and love; to others, it's more businesslike. 3747. judithathome - 7/2/2002 11:59:24 AM But the marriage itself is aboout money, assets, and it is a contract. 3748. thoughtful - 7/2/2002 12:00:31 PM #3744, thank you pelle. 3749. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 12:05:08 PM bubbaette, in your description of the implications of marriage considered as a contract. 3750. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 12:05:34 PM If it is not a contract, then why does the state get involved when the two parties decide on a legal dissolution? 3751. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 12:06:41 PM Hey, thoughtful, I said plainly that I did not understand your point. Explaining further is one alternative to insulting me (or, allowing someone else to do it for you.) 3752. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 12:07:25 PM How you define the actual relationship is your business. But the marriage itself is aboout money, assets, and it is a contract. 3753. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 12:10:30 PM Then you're talking semantics. 3754. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 12:11:19 PM bubbaette, in your description of the implications of marriage considered as a contract. 3755. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 12:15:40 PM The marriage contract is about money and assets, and sometimes, custody issues. If you want to split hairs, then fine, the relationship itself is about love, partnership, etc. 3756. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 12:18:21 PM Well, I'll have to let Cal clarify if in her value system it's just good sense to abandon disabled family members. But it doesn't follow from the idea that marriage as a legal institution does not require love, commitment, or any of these other things. It also doesn't follow from the idea that a person who drops out of the job market is assuming their own risk. 3757. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 12:20:54 PM And bubbaette, you didn't answered my question about ostracism. I'm genuinely curious about this, not baiting you or playing dense. 3758. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 12:22:54 PM Just because you have different types of relationships with different people, it does not negate the fact that you have a relationship with your husband. 3759. PelleNilsson - 7/2/2002 12:25:29 PM Marriage is indeed a contract but marriage is not about a contract. It is a contract because a third party, the state, wants to control and regulate the affairs of its citizens. 3760. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 12:26:19 PM And their money. 3761. judithathome - 7/2/2002 12:27:06 PM I wonder how many people would answer "a contract" if you asked them what their marriage was about? 3762. vw - 7/2/2002 12:30:04 PM The reason Social Issue Wonks discern between the Marriage in the culturally common sense (love, commitment, etc.) and Marriage as a contractual agreement arbitrated by the State is because emotional attachment and its navigation has no place in a conversation about social policy. 3763. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 12:30:20 PM But the state only actively steps in once that contract is broken. And at that point it's usually the divorced people themselves that are clamoring for regulation of one another. Doesn't the state usually wish that the damn couple would get into mediation and off of their docket? 3764. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 12:31:35 PM x-post. 3765. RustlerPike - 7/2/2002 12:34:52 PM Men should declare a moratorium on marriage until this shit is sorted out. 3766. vw - 7/2/2002 12:35:00 PM In other words, while discussion social policy, nobody should give a rat's ass what Person A would do if their spouse's leg fell off. Quite frankly that's your business and your business only. The only thing the State should care about is if you divorce that spouse are you going to continue to support that spouse or does the State have to take on the responsibility of the Spouse welfare. 3767. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 12:35:37 PM If it is not a contract, then why does the state get involved when the two parties decide on a legal dissolution? 3768. vw - 7/2/2002 12:35:46 PM Was the large font really necessary? 3769. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 12:35:57 PM The ideal substance of the state's default contract is an important matter to debate, of course. But, as with any arrangement in which it is costly or impractical for parties to negotiate upfront, the state should intervene with a default contract in order to reduce the social costs involved in defining the arrangement and/or dealing with its dissolution. 3770. RustlerPike - 7/2/2002 12:36:08 PM Party B shall be responsible for tending the children in their younger years (birth to puberty) and for making sure the homemaking (cleaning, cooking etc.) is taken care of properly, and/or taking care of it him/herself if need be. Party B shall strive to be physically present in the children's vicinity and accessible to the children to the greatest extent possible, and shall represent them and their needs loyally where they are incapable of representing themselves. Party B shall not use his/her greater closeness to the children to incite them against Party B, but shall try and bring the children as close as possible to Party A, and to encourage a bond of mutual love and respect between them and Party A. 3771. judithathome - 7/2/2002 12:36:51 PM I guess I don't have anything to add to the discussion then because I think viewing marriage in strictly policy terms is cold...I understand what you're saying, VW, but I think this world would be better off if all policy and business and statesmanship were conducted with a little more warmth, as it were. 3772. RustlerPike - 7/2/2002 12:38:05 PM vw: it doesn't appear large on my computer. Sorry. 3773. vw - 7/2/2002 12:40:29 PM I think viewing marriage in strictly policy terms is cold...I understand what you're saying, VW, but I think this world would be better off if all policy and business and statesmanship were conducted with a little more warmth, as it were. 3774. CalGal - 7/2/2002 12:40:39 PM Jamie addresses the flaw in Bubba's post far better than I ever could, and he's right that she hasn't answered it fully. Bubba, do you feel that a partner should be legally obligated to stay in a marriage or pay a penalty if society doesn't approve of the reason for divorcing--ie, do away with no-fault divorce? 3775. vw - 7/2/2002 12:42:00 PM it doesn't appear large on my computer. Sorry 3776. RustlerPike - 7/2/2002 12:44:05 PM Oh I get it. 3777. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 12:45:49 PM I'm in favor of the marriage contract being spelled out. It could be a short form, simple to revise, that is given to the couple at the time they apply for the marriage license. 3778. RustlerPike - 7/2/2002 12:49:10 PM I'd like people to read the contract I wrote without feeling I was shouting, so I'll repost it and vw can then delete the former posts (but let me finish first please): 3779. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 12:49:57 PM Jamie 3780. RustlerPike - 7/2/2002 12:50:03 PM >>> 3781. RustlerPike - 7/2/2002 12:50:50 PM >>> 3782. vw - 7/2/2002 12:52:42 PM 3783. CalGal - 7/2/2002 12:54:44 PM TJ, 3784. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 1:04:59 PM Cal 3785. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 1:11:03 PM But the default contract doesn't correspond to reality any more. 3786. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 1:25:07 PM Bubbaette, there are perfectly worthwhile activities that can be unwisely prioritized. It doesn't mean they're not valuable. It just means they don't come first. 3787. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 1:38:27 PM Jamie 3788. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 1:45:10 PM Your sister has my sympathy. But her motivation is not the typical one for a SAHM. 3789. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 1:53:08 PM >>>Just because it's not a choice I would make does not mean that having stay-at-home parents care for young children is a "wrong" choice without value to society. 3790. thoughtful - 7/2/2002 1:53:53 PM From about.com, a quick summary of alimony and what is considered in granting such and the types of alimony granted: 3791. thoughtful - 7/2/2002 1:54:21 PM Cont'd. 3792. vw - 7/2/2002 1:54:50 PM Nor would I insist that the courts should reflect my own cautiousness about relinquishing my earning power and job history by finding stay at home parents unsuitable for custody of their children 3793. vw - 7/2/2002 1:57:40 PM pick of = pick up 3794. vw - 7/2/2002 2:01:50 PM How do children fare in divorce scenario A where mom is a SAHM versus divorce scenario B where mom has her own income? 3795. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 2:19:10 PM While we are on the subject of marriage, I might as well out with my own idiosyncratic grudge against the institution of marriage and family. 3796. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 2:21:11 PM Whew. That feels better. 3797. theDiva - 7/2/2002 2:26:30 PM Tabou 3798. theDiva - 7/2/2002 2:26:50 PM Just had to validate you. Carry on. 3799. CalGal - 7/2/2002 2:33:49 PM I know that parents get more untaxed income for having children, in the form of benefits. But they do if they are married, as well. When do they get paid more? 3800. betty - 7/2/2002 2:36:09 PM Tabouli, 3801. rubberducky - 7/2/2002 2:37:07 PM Re: Message # 3795, TabouliJones. 3802. CalGal - 7/2/2002 2:38:51 PM I have no problem with subsidizing the cost of children, although I quibble with the method--I'd rather we subsidize investment, rather than just having them. I don't think we should subsidize marriage, though. 3803. CalGal - 7/2/2002 2:44:50 PM I am not fully tracking the argument behind your assertion that marital decisions about stay at home spouses and the division of domestic responsibilities cannot be joint decisions. 3804. betty - 7/2/2002 2:47:15 PM sometimes economic stability ain't so stable, but whatever. 3805. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 2:47:20 PM "2) As an uncle twelve (13?) times over, I am tired of having to constantly ante up with presents in celebration of every milestone or holiday deemed especially fun for children." 3806. theDiva - 7/2/2002 2:48:36 PM gee, thanks, Kuligin. 3807. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 2:48:38 PM "voluntarily" is laden with much meaning, btw 3808. vw - 7/2/2002 2:48:40 PM It bugs me that homeowners receive certain tax credits unavailable to apartment dwellers. 3809. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 2:49:44 PM Thanks for the validation, Diva. 3810. betty - 7/2/2002 2:50:45 PM vw, 3811. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 2:51:59 PM Parents who VOLUNTARILY see their small ones all of a couple hours a day are not fit, in my humble opinion, to be considered parents. 3812. theDiva - 7/2/2002 2:52:07 PM Tabou 3813. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 2:52:15 PM "it's sad and frustrating to watch het couples flaunt their 'lifestyles'." 3814. vw - 7/2/2002 2:52:46 PM Parents who VOLUNTARILY see their small ones all of a couple hours a day are not fit, in my humble opinion, to be considered parents. 3815. rubberducky - 7/2/2002 2:53:07 PM Re: Message # 3805, KuligintheHooligan. 3816. joezan - 7/2/2002 2:53:55 PM TabJones: 3817. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 2:54:05 PM I should also point out that I work full time, and I care for my daughter. Presumably your dad also took care of his children. 3818. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 2:57:29 PM "non-married people get tired of paying to subsidize married people so they can continue to breed and choke an already over-populated planet." 3819. vw - 7/2/2002 2:58:52 PM In various job markets, it is simply assumed that married men and women should get paid more than single men and women. 3820. CalGal - 7/2/2002 2:59:03 PM TJ, 3821. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 2:59:03 PM "Presumable you must be working to support the family… so you aren’t a parent Kuligin? You’re just the wallet that allows your wife to be a parent?" 3822. rubberducky - 7/2/2002 2:59:25 PM TJ: i appreciate the sentiment, but we can be equal gripers... 3823. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 3:00:10 PM Hey, outsourcing is a time-honored solution. 3824. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:00:37 PM In various job markets, it is simply assumed that married men and women should get paid more than single men and women. 3825. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 3:01:07 PM Whoops, 3823 was to Bubbaette. Thread is moving too fast now. 3826. rubberducky - 7/2/2002 3:01:21 PM When's the last time you sent a married couple money? 3827. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 3:02:57 PM Sure we can, because often the State is asked to pick of the “consequence slack” of parents who deliberately and willfully chose to remove themselves from the job market which in turn usually limits their ability to support their children. It is much more expedient and cost-efficient to place the children with the parent that is capable of providing what has to be Parental Responsibility #1 – feeding, housing and clothing the child. 3828. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:03:09 PM "98% of America is geared towards breeders" 3829. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:06:21 PM Here's what bugs me. Parents who both work so they can have more "stuff" all the while sacrificing the lives of their children for it. When one parent could stay at home and they could still live comfortably and "make ends meet." 3830. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 3:06:36 PM Joezan, 3831. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 3:08:36 PM Hey, outsourcing is a time-honored solution. 3832. rubberducky - 7/2/2002 3:09:16 PM Re: Message # 3828, KuligintheHooligan. 3833. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:09:24 PM Long answer to Bubba's post of a while back. 3834. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:09:58 PM If they couldn't afford the $30K, then they couldn't afford the wife staying at home--since the debt was still assumed, but unlike the credit card debt which is legally assumed by both, the full cost of this debt will only be paid by her. Any money from the husband in the event of a divorce will be completely inadequate compensation for the full cost of her loss, and it is likely she will never fully recover. She might not ever be able to provide for the children she chose to have, she might require their assistance in her old age because her retirement income is inadequate. And mind you, this is the category of women who are actually pretty well off after divorce, who will probably have enough assets to ensure that they can buy a condo (resenting the cut in standard of living, of course), get a job (resenting their loss of free time), and quite often bitch mightily because they won't be able to give their kids the extras they want because the ex refuses to pay for them--or thinks that she should, out of the high monthly payments he provides her. 3835. betty - 7/2/2002 3:10:18 PM ducky, 3836. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:10:20 PM We grew up on the very low end of middle class, if that. My father worked three part time jobs at one point in time. My mother stayed at home until my younger sister hit kindergarten, then she worked part time during school hours. They made incredible sacrifices to do this for the kids. They didn't live at the same social level as others in the neighborhood precisely because they chose to sacrifice. I respect them greatly for that. 3837. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:11:09 PM If the husband were to be a responsible parent, he should refuse to allow his wife to quit work, because he simply can't afford to provide for both of them to be responsible parents, by taking up her slack. Not in the event of a divorce, not in the event of his becoming disabled, and so on. But even if he wanted to be a responsible parent, he can't. He can't refuse to allow his wife to quit work. He can't refuse to provide for her neglect in the event of a divorce. He can't even require that the money he provides be used for his children, rather than for their mother. About the only thing he could do in order to ensure that his wife didn't quit work is immediately divorce her, which would eliminate her ability to live off of his wallet, and force her back into the workplace. 3838. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 3:12:30 PM >>> That the parent with the income WANTS custody of the kids. This frequently isn't the case. 3839. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:12:45 PM Bubba, a generic comment on your responses: you would be very upset if laws encouraged the same gender discrimination that you support in your posts. 3840. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:13:03 PM "ever slobber on your woman in public? 3841. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 3:13:25 PM VW, 3842. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 3:13:40 PM VW, 3843. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:13:51 PM . First his wife ran off because she didn't want custody of the kids. 3844. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:16:24 PM TJ, 3845. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:17:00 PM Are there any studies that compare cost effectiveness of both parents working? I recall seeing one many years ago that gave a "bottom" figure for the second spouse with respect to working, versus staying at home and not paying for childcare, etc. The number was reasonably high, but that was probably a decade ago if not more now. After taxes, expenses associated with sending children to daycare, etc. what income would be needed by the second partner before it becomes cost effective for that partner to actually work? 3846. vw - 7/2/2002 3:17:49 PM That the parent with the income WANTS custody of the kids. This frequently isn't the case. 3847. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:18:45 PM Kuligin, 3848. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:21:17 PM "Children are better off, all risks considered, if both parents maintain an income stream. It doesn't matter what they use the money for. In fact, they could burn one check in a ritual pyre every week. The kids are better off." 3849. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:23:12 PM "all risks considered" 3850. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 3:24:34 PM Cal 3851. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:25:49 PM I suppose what I need is to be more jaded than I am. Fortunately, I have a wonderful wife who cares for our children and does it well. I thank God for her and we are fortunate enough to be able to have her stay at home with the kids. Many couples are not so fortunate. 3852. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 3:26:07 PM Cal, 3853. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:27:20 PM "You are the one who is always and forever talking about the lazy stay-at-home wife." 3854. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:29:10 PM TJ, 3855. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:30:26 PM And who said the planet is over-populated?? What a bunch of bunk. 3856. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 3:31:42 PM bubbaette, I think the traditional "separate spheres" model is bad all around. Mom can't provide and dad can't perform routine parenting. 3857. rubberducky - 7/2/2002 3:32:37 PM KtH: 3858. vw - 7/2/2002 3:35:10 PM Are there any studies that compare cost effectiveness of both parents working?I 3859. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 3:35:54 PM I also hedged that statement later. 3860. TabouliJones - 7/2/2002 3:36:37 PM My last post was to CalGal. 3861. vw - 7/2/2002 3:37:36 PM The hardest working people I have known in my life, at least, have been stay-at-home mothers. 3862. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 3:38:28 PM OTOH, in the event of a divorce, the working parent may be able to cover their incompetencies by hiring cleaning/cooking services, purchasing childcare, tagging in relatives etc.. 3863. vw - 7/2/2002 3:40:52 PM I’m stunned at how many of us cannot view an issue without clouding it with personal emotional feelings, anecdotal trivialities and sentimental platitudes. 3864. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:42:10 PM Bubba, 3865. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:43:54 PM "people like you are oblivious to things not of their own, small & limited world." 3866. vw - 7/2/2002 3:44:01 PM Still looking for the citation … it’s supposed to be bookmarked in my “Know I’m going to need this data” folder but it’s not … so I have to research. 3867. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:44:05 PM TJ--as I said, given that the particular bias you complained about is illegal, I found it inappropriate to bring up with or without hedging. I also think you are incorrect; there is no such bias here. Maybe in Canada, though. 3868. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:44:57 PM So it's ok to pay someone else to do what the SAH parent had been doing, but it's beyond the pale to expect compensation for the person who had been doing the job? 3869. vw - 7/2/2002 3:45:38 PM As far as I'm concerned, the person who has no clue how to care for their children is no more fit for custody than the person who doesn't have the income. 3870. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:47:17 PM "As a policy, it’s not about getting more “stuff” (I can’t answer to what individuals do, but than neither can you)." 3871. CalGal - 7/2/2002 3:47:41 PM Oops--hit enter too soon. 3872. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 3:48:16 PM You are spouting anecdotes in support of social policy. 3873. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:49:05 PM "Please … acceptable child rearing performance is hardly rocket science. “Getting a clue” is a matter of weeks for a mentally competent adult." 3874. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 3:52:19 PM The hardest working people I have known in my life, at least, have been stay-at-home mothers. And I still wonder how they ever pulled it off! 3875. vw - 7/2/2002 3:54:19 PM Then if you can't answer to what individuals do, you can't talk about "policy." And for many people it IS about stuff. Look around American society. 3876. debby - 7/2/2002 3:55:18 PM As opposed to those who would stack the courts and family law so as to intevene in couples' decision making as to how to raise their children? 3877. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 3:56:47 PM >>>So it's ok to pay someone else to do what the SAH parent had been doing, but it's beyond the pale to expect compensation for the person who had been doing the job? 3878. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 3:57:36 PM While they are away working, who is parenting their children? 3879. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:01:18 PM "sigh) Look, what one individual does is not important to policy. We have to look at the effect of public good and overall trends. It really isn’t that difficult." 3880. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:01:22 PM While they are away working, who is parenting their children? 3881. vw - 7/2/2002 4:01:26 PM Tell me Cal and VW, except for the right wing whackos does this discussion actually play out any differently from venue to venue? 3882. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:03:03 PM But that still doesn't give you the right to denegrate stay-at-home mothers who work their butts off providing for their families. 3883. Wombat - 7/2/2002 4:03:09 PM KtH: 3884. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:03:56 PM "Proximity for the 8-10 hours a kid is in daycare daily is not required to be a parent. Not a single daycare worker is going to put a roof over a kid's head, clothes on their backs, food in their tummies." 3885. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:06:27 PM "My mother is the hardest-working person I know--she raised four children while working full-time. So what?" 3886. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:09:06 PM KtH: don't you think providing financially for your child(ren) is your responsibility as a parent? 3887. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:09:29 PM "Not a single daycare worker is going to put a roof over a kid's head, clothes on their backs, food in their tummies." 3888. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:10:26 PM Nothing my mother did for her children would mean much if she didn't also provide for us financially. 3889. vw - 7/2/2002 4:12:53 PM I really am. But that still doesn't give you the right to denegrate stay-at-home mothers who work their butts off providing for their families. 3890. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 4:13:03 PM KtH, are only homeschoolers good parents? Because come age 5 or so just about everyone abandons their children for a good third of the day. Why is it okay from age 5-18 but disaster from age 2-5? 3891. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:13:19 PM "KtH: don't you think providing financially for your child(ren) is your responsibility as a parent? 3892. vw - 7/2/2002 4:14:20 PM "it even beats our domestic violence" It should have been "beats out" ... and no pun was intended! 3893. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:15:36 PM No, but the daycare worker may be teaching them right and wrong, how to think and act, what is good and bad to say and do, and all sorts of things in those 8-10 hours EACH WORKING DAY of that child's life. 3894. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:15:49 PM "There are tremendous amounts of research documenting the long-term harmful effect to children who are raised in financial instable families." 3895. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:18:17 PM "I always wonder which frightening and horrible values people imagine daycare workers will share with their children." 3896. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:19:16 PM Erin, I don't know if you saw my original posts on this topic, but my gripe was with working COUPLES who, instead of having one parent stay at home, decide to both work when they don't need to do so. That is my gripe. 3897. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:20:17 PM Values that are not your own. They don't have to teach them to worship Satan, which is needless hyperbole on your part meant to skirt the real issue. 3898. Wombat - 7/2/2002 4:20:20 PM Assuming that parents have ensured that their daycare provider will provide a nurturing environment, with values similar to their own, I--and my wife--had no problem with it. As a non-Christian, my kids' saying grace at lunchtime at their church-based preschool made me a bit uneasy, but that part didn't stick. I have always felt that it is the quality of time spent, rather than the quantity, that children appreciate most. 3899. Jamie R - 7/2/2002 4:20:43 PM >>I have read studies which state that 95% of a person's personality is fixed by age 5. 3900. betty - 7/2/2002 4:23:15 PM so have we heard widespread reports that daycare workers are teaching Little Johnny and Jenny to worship Satan? Clean their guns before the next drive-by shooting? 3901. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:23:24 PM There is a tremendous value in early education for young children. I have seen studies that suggest this is particulalry true of poor children. 3902. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:24:30 PM "I assume this means that the parent who works, is not truly parenting? That only the parent who stays at home is? Is this correct?" 3903. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:25:37 PM Providing emotionally and financially. 3904. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:26:46 PM "Which values bother you the most?" 3905. CalGal - 7/2/2002 4:27:13 PM And you would re-engineer social policy to bolster your prejudice against people who make child rearing decisions of which you disapprove. 3906. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:28:35 PM "Which values bother you the most?" 3907. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:28:37 PM "Providing emotionally and financially." 3908. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:30:47 PM Erin R, in a nutshell, I want my children to be taught by me as to what is right and wrong. For example, my child see on the TV that so long as you use a condom, it is quite okay to sleep around. That is a legitimate message given on TV here. This is not something I want my child to believe it true and so I teach him otherwise. 3909. vw - 7/2/2002 4:31:53 PM The first five years of a child's life are terribly formative. I have read studies which state that 95% of a person's personality is fixed by age 5. 3910. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:33:09 PM "Providing emotionally and financially." 3911. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:35:25 PM "Like it or not, a primary responsibility of a parent is to provide financially." 3912. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:36:56 PM Erin R, in a nutshell, I want my children to be taught by me as to what is right and wrong. For example, my child see on the TV that so long as you use a condom, it is quite okay to sleep around. That is a legitimate message given on TV here. This is not something I want my child to believe it true and so I teach him otherwise. 3913. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:38:18 PM "I have seen a similar drama play out in another forum--in reality, the support-paying father is doing more than the custodial mother." 3914. KuligintheHooligan - 7/2/2002 4:39:23 PM good night 3916. vw - 7/2/2002 4:41:55 PM We don't need to know what Erin's or your or my opinion is. We need to define what the State can legitimately involve itself in. 3917. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 4:43:32 PM I gave you a precise definition. Support--emotionally and financially. 3918. Absensia - 7/2/2002 6:14:15 PM Erin....I agree....but, I started to respond to Cal yesterday, by mentioning community property law and states that didn't have it and got side-tracted. I think community property law is fairer, especially in situations when one spouse has a terrible disabling disease or becomes horribly disabled...the answer isn't to toss them away or basically "erase" them from their kids. Some spouses divorce them since they are no longer financial contributers. In community property stated they may get half of the estate and sometimes also get spousal support for several years if needed. I think this is a right thing. It benefits both children and parent...allows the parent to give the parent emotional and financial support. 3919. CalGal - 7/2/2002 6:39:20 PM Who says anything about "erasing them" from their kids lives? They just won't have custody. 3920. CalGal - 7/2/2002 6:56:12 PM Abs, 3921. CalGal - 7/2/2002 6:57:01 PM Later cases make it clear that financial interests are not the only interests to be taken into account. 3922. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 9:49:39 PM You are spouting anecdotes in support of social policy. That's why gender is particularly inappropriate. In fact, it would be nice if you could keep anecdotes out entirely, given your inability to use them properly. 3924. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 9:52:26 PM Please … acceptable child rearing performance is hardly rocket science. “Getting a clue” is a matter of weeks for a mentally competent adult. 3925. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 9:58:49 PM Do you know what they pay? Do you think any middleclass woman who stays at home could afford the life her husband pays for on that pay? And, mind you, since she doesn't have a resume, she wouldn't be able to get much in the way of money even in those jobs--because employers rightfully suspect anyone who has been out of the work market for that long. 3926. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 10:02:11 PM WTF? As opposed to stacking them with people who would insist on me paying for someone else's inability to get a job once WOHP is gone through death, divorce or whatever? 3927. CalGal - 7/2/2002 10:05:12 PM So if you and VW have a problem with tough shit, I've seen nothing emperical from either of you that SAH parents are the irresponsible drags on society that you claim. 3928. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 10:07:51 PM Housewives provide nothing for their families, at least in the sense that working parents do. 3929. CalGal - 7/2/2002 10:09:13 PM And despite your distaste for anecdote, you have provided absolutely NOTHING to back up your assertions that the decision to stay at home is not a joint decision on the part of a couple, but a unilateral move on the part of the lazy wife that her poor put-upon husband is powerless to influence. 3930. judithathome - 7/2/2002 10:13:46 PM Clavical. 3931. CalGal - 7/2/2002 10:14:23 PM The only thing that has any worth is paid employment. 3932. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 10:22:35 PM Do you wish to argue that these parents don't inflict a serious financial cost? 3933. CalGal - 7/2/2002 10:26:02 PM Lordy, how completely nonresponsive. 3934. judithathome - 7/2/2002 10:28:31 PM Yeah, Bubba...those bon bons don't come cheap. 3935. CalGal - 7/2/2002 10:30:13 PM Not bonbons. Rent/mortgage. Clothing. Food. Car. Gas. Utilities. Vacations. Every single thing the stay at home purchased or consumed during that time was paid for by someone else. Where is that value added into the equation? 3936. Absensia - 7/2/2002 10:34:36 PM I guess we can only agree to disagree. However, currently in this state, you lose welfare benefits if you don't go to work once your kid hits 8 months of age. 3937. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 10:36:04 PM But they spend a lot of taxpayer money in divorce courts, and wage garnishing, and all sorts of other penalties meant to transfer money from one parent to the other. 3938. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 10:36:52 PM This is certainly a pile of self-satisfied horse hockey. Erin has a job, so the experiences of billions of women over thousands of years are worth nothing. The only thing that has any worth is paid employment. 3939. CalGal - 7/2/2002 10:39:11 PM However, currently in this state, you lose welfare benefits if you don't go to work once your kid hits 8 months of age. 3940. Absensia - 7/2/2002 10:41:50 PM Some kids do great in daycare...others don't and need more time and attention from one or another parent. Under Cal's response to me, it seems, that the other parent can then walk away, even if the parent who has to take a lower paying job to spend time with the kid, and the other spouse agreed, then it's t.s. for the idiot who took care of the emotional needs, even though the other spouse agreed. Sounds like estoppel to me. 3941. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 10:50:19 PM I don't have to provide anything other than the simple truth, which is that the decision must be unilateral. The only thing the partner can do is either express reservations or not. They can't legally prevent it. Thus it can't be joint. 3942. CalGal - 7/2/2002 10:51:28 PM In most cases the money transferred is child support 3944. bubbaette - 7/2/2002 10:57:40 PM You don't consider any number of years living free of any expenses at all to be valuable? 3945. CalGal - 7/2/2002 10:59:22 PM it was followed by an example of your using NOTHING to back up your assertions except for more of your assertions. 3946. Erin R. - 7/2/2002 10:59:52 PM I suppose that slaveholders in the old south could have said the same thing. 3948. CalGal - 7/2/2002 11:09:42 PM I suppose that slaveholders in the old south could have said the same thing. 3949. CalGal - 7/2/2002 11:11:04 PM And Bubba, you need to get your paradigms straight: a spouse can't be a downtrodden slave and a managing partner. They're both inaccurate, of course, but when you're trying to build a convincing argument you should start with metaphoric consistency. 3950. RustlerPike - 7/3/2002 12:40:45 AM What is that called, anyone, when a phrase with despite or although is used but has no relationship to the primary sentence? Hanging something or other? 3951. RustlerPike - 7/3/2002 2:19:29 AM NOW's California branch has apparently published a thick report accusing the family courts of corruption and bias... 3952. bubbaette - 7/3/2002 8:11:05 AM A spouse is a slave? I thought they were adults, fully responsible for their choices. 3953. vw - 7/3/2002 8:27:35 AM I'm still getting the impression that you feel it's preferable for a paid stranger to look after the children in the case of a divorce than for the parent who had been performing those duties to continue to do them, even in the absence of interest from the more valuable monied spouse. 3954. vw - 7/3/2002 8:27:48 AM the couple had a single income. 3955. vw - 7/3/2002 8:33:40 AM 3924, 3943 & 3947 have been moved to The Inferno. 3956. vw - 7/3/2002 8:34:34 AM Off-topic posts with not discussion content really meant to say Off-topic posts with out discussion content 3957. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 8:36:43 AM J@h said it before. It's called being single. Want children? Go to a sperm bank. Or why even bother with that...after all pregnancy and birth may interfere with one's career path and future earnings capability. Better to adopt or get a surrogate. But then again, that would be irresponsible because you can't be sure that you will have a steady income or earnings capability...just ask the folks of Enron. Or heck, you could be struck blind by lightning at any time. So the far more responsible thing to do is skip children entirely too. 3958. betty - 7/3/2002 8:41:03 AM vw, 3959. vw - 7/3/2002 8:44:08 AM Then you need to do what you just did Betty, explain your point. 3960. vw - 7/3/2002 8:50:50 AM children suffer for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with income. 3961. bubbaette - 7/3/2002 8:59:04 AM It is even more important in divorce for a previously non-employed parent to get himself or herself into the employment pool as quickly as possible. This means that BOTH parents should be employed, if only for the self-interested motivation of being able to support oneself after the child support checks stop coming (which by the way are supposed to be for the upkeep of the children NOT to support a parent who does not have job experience). 3962. vw - 7/3/2002 9:16:41 AM Several here have stated that the SAH parent should be stripped of custody because the SAH parent is irresponsible by using child rearing plan that you, Cal, and Erin don't approve of. 3963. vw - 7/3/2002 9:21:01 AM Damn it ... i got pay attention to what I'm posting: 3964. Jamie R - 7/3/2002 9:39:24 AM >>>But then again, that would be irresponsible because you can't be sure that you will have a steady income or earnings capability...just ask the folks of Enron 3965. debby - 7/3/2002 9:46:09 AM has now stated that children's rights supercede those of adults. 3966. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 10:11:05 AM jamier, first of all, it's a big assumption that it is the daughter who is the SAH spouse. As of 2000, there were 96,000 women and 23,000 men who said they were not looking for work due to family responsibilities. Courts are recognizing individual circumstances and have ordered mom to pay alimony and child support to dad. It's not perfectly applied, but it does recognize the fact that family structure is changing and that in either case...man or woman as the SAH...the financial provider does bear some responsibility in keeping the financial dislocation to a minimum at least on a temporary basis in terms of alimony, until majority age usually for child support. 3967. Jamie R - 7/3/2002 10:20:02 AM >>jamier, first of all, it's a big assumption that it is the daughter who is the SAH spouse. 3968. judithathome - 7/3/2002 10:20:38 AM Acting on the assumption that your marriage won't make it til next year is a surefire way of ensuring it won't. 3969. Jamie R - 7/3/2002 10:34:08 AM So who again here is advocating that people behave as though their marriages are doomed, and then bail at the first little bump? 3970. vw - 7/3/2002 10:36:05 AM As of 2000, there were 96,000 women and 23,000 men who said they were not looking for work due to family responsibilities. 3971. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 10:36:57 AM jamier, so are you going to believe every crackpot on the radio? Clearly, given the stats I posted, most women are not paying any attention. 3972. Jamie R - 7/3/2002 10:48:10 AM >>jamier, so are you going to believe every crackpot on the radio? 3973. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 11:05:02 AM Is this an alternate reality? I swear by some posts the attendees here are reading different threads. 3974. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 11:09:13 AM jamier, huh? So, we're agreed then- women are fully responsible for the financial support of their children. 3975. Jamie R - 7/3/2002 11:13:51 AM You are now saying that a woman might have to stay at home to preserve her marriage, because her husband objects to her having a job? And this makes sense to you? 3976. vw - 7/3/2002 11:15:55 AM If in order to maintain one's earnings capability it means continous employment 3977. vw - 7/3/2002 11:19:31 AM The fact that you don't know of broken marriages because a woman chose work over home doesn't mean they don't exist. 3978. vw - 7/3/2002 11:21:02 AM The fact that you don't know of broken marriages because a woman chose work over home doesn't mean they don't exist. 3979. RustlerPike - 7/3/2002 11:27:31 AM This conversation is nowhere near misogynistic enough for my tastes. 3980. Jamie R - 7/3/2002 11:30:56 AM re: 3974, should have said "women are as fully responsible for the financial support of their children as men are." 3981. RustlerPike - 7/3/2002 11:32:54 AM Sigh. 3982. PelleNilsson - 7/3/2002 11:40:40 AM Rustler 3983. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 11:45:15 AM Alternate universe indeed! 3984. judithathome - 7/3/2002 11:53:31 AM So who again here is advocating that people behave as though their marriages are doomed, and then bail at the first little bump? 3985. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 11:55:53 AM jamier, You are now saying that a woman might have to stay at home to preserve her marriage, because her husband objects to her having a job? And this makes sense to you? 3986. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 12:07:36 PM Let me be clear about that....it does not make sense to me personally to live with a husband who is very controlling and would order me to do this or that and expect obedience. 3987. Jamie R - 7/3/2002 12:13:12 PM >>many woman who for whatever reason view their marriage as more important than their desire to work... 3988. TabouliJones - 7/3/2002 12:32:29 PM I did some cursory web research to attempt substantiation of my single person’s lament from yesterday. Here is what I found: 3989. TabouliJones - 7/3/2002 12:32:47 PM So there you have it. Some slight substantiation of my single guy’s lament. I offer it up only to demonstrate that my list of gripes from yesterday is not entirely out of left field. I am not exactly married to my particular gripes, nor do they exercise me enough to engage in prolonged debate in support of them. 3990. CalGal - 7/3/2002 12:48:04 PM TJ, 3991. TabouliJones - 7/3/2002 12:53:31 PM Well, you know, on occasion I try to expand my web horizons beyond the mote and porn. 3992. CalGal - 7/3/2002 12:59:33 PM Jamie and VW have done their usual excellent job. But I had a few comments anyway. 3993. vw - 7/3/2002 1:22:02 PM Some of you are indeed acting as though marriages are doomed to fail...almost as though there are starter marriages, where everyone lives as though they are single so that when it fails, nothing is lost. 3994. vw - 7/3/2002 1:29:07 PM Again, it doesn't matter to what emotional or personal or marital decisions are made that lead to one parent staying out home without arranging for it not to effect their ability to support the children. 3995. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 2:02:47 PM jamier, Providing for one's kids is not a "lifestyle choice" a parent may or may not make, a morally neutral quirk of personality. It is a responsibility, right? 3996. CalGal - 7/3/2002 2:10:39 PM they can still be responsible by responding to that situation when it arises. 3997. rubberducky - 7/3/2002 2:11:31 PM i asked this elsewhere, but ... why are some people so resentful of marriage being discussed / labeled as a legal contract and financial arrangement? 3998. judithathome - 7/3/2002 2:28:17 PM that's not really relevant past the vows. 3999. vw - 7/3/2002 2:31:18 PM One more time. The contract has nothing to do with the relationship once you get past that point that the relationship's existence was the catalyst for the contract. Even still, the relationship can exist without the contract. The contract is only necessary when the two people in the relationship want the contractual protections for their merged property offered by the state. 4000. betty - 7/3/2002 2:32:03 PM No, in the limo ride to the reception. 4001. betty - 7/3/2002 2:33:21 PM hah! while you all were looking the other way, having deep conversation i got a mellenial! 4002. betty - 7/3/2002 2:33:58 PM my spelling...is there an emoticon for hanging your head in shame? 4003. vw - 7/3/2002 2:35:54 PM The fact that somewhere in our culture some fool started blending the two actions (the public commitment of the relationship before friends and family and the contractual agreement recognized by the state) into one ceremony only further confuses the matter. 4004. rubberducky - 7/3/2002 2:47:36 PM vw says it better than i did in 3999 and then outdoes herself in 4003. 4005. PelleNilsson - 7/3/2002 3:01:22 PM ducky 4006. CalGal - 7/3/2002 3:08:42 PM Actually, Ducky, people will bring up the contractual aspect of marriage all the time, discussing gay marriage. Mention discrimination, and some one is sure to say "But you aren't discriminated against. You can marry any woman you like and receive the benefits of marriage." 4007. rubberducky - 7/3/2002 3:08:49 PM yeah, Pelle. this conversation is most serious ... 4008. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 3:08:58 PM rd, i'm not resentful of marriage being discussed as a legal and financial arrangement. I disagree that that is all marriage is or that one must give legal and financial considerations primacy over all other considerations in marriage. I'm resentful of the implication that the only correct way to run a marriage is with a zero level of trust for one's partner and with the assumption that the marriage will fail momentarily. I'm disagreeing with that presumption as I believe it is a surefire way to a failed marriage. I think it's wrong for people to presume to prescribe something so personal, so individual as lifestyle and family choice as a one-size-fits all, and am resentful of the implication that any choices made that are not consistent with their POV are foolish and irresponsible. 4009. CalGal - 7/3/2002 3:14:54 PM . I'm resentful of the implication that the only correct way to run a marriage is with a zero level of trust for one's partner and with the assumption that the marriage will fail momentarily. 4010. rubberducky - 7/3/2002 3:17:10 PM Re: Message # 4006, CalGal. 4011. rubberducky - 7/3/2002 3:18:00 PM oops 4012. vw - 7/3/2002 3:24:03 PM I disagree that that is all marriage is or that one must give legal and financial considerations primacy over all other considerations in marriage. 4013. vw - 7/3/2002 3:24:11 PM I think it's wrong for people to presume to prescribe something so personal, so individual as lifestyle and family choice as a one-size-fits all, and am resentful of the implication that any choices made that are not consistent with their POV are foolish and irresponsible. 4014. debby - 7/3/2002 3:43:51 PM cal and vw, not meant in a snarky way at all genuinely curious disclaimer etc, I was going to ask don't you guys get tired of having the exact same discussion over and over again? But then, in a flash of brilliant insight, I said to myself, of course not, if they were tired of it they wouldn't do it, so I guess my question is now how come this doesn't bore you guys silly by the fifth or sixth time around, what is it about this particular discussion that keeps you so interested? 4015. vw - 7/3/2002 3:55:09 PM how come this doesn't bore you guys silly by the fifth or sixth time around, what is it about this particular discussion that keeps you so interested? 4016. CalGal - 7/3/2002 4:09:00 PM What vikki said. Except I think I have more converts than her. It's my magnetic personality. 4017. vw - 7/3/2002 4:13:00 PM (grin) I'd call you a skank but then I'd have to move my own post to The Inferno. 4018. debby - 7/3/2002 4:16:27 PM now vikki, don't be jealous, its not her magnetic personality, its her naturally curly hair people find so attractive. 4019. wonkers2 - 7/3/2002 5:10:51 PM Bad Year for the Supreme Court 4020. judithathome - 7/3/2002 5:13:05 PM 16, 17, and 18 certainly seem to be on topic. 4021. CalGal - 7/3/2002 5:14:32 PM Sixteen is. I was answering a question. 4022. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 5:16:18 PM First of all, rd asked the question, I answered it. He asked it in a personal way...personal in why do I feel the way I feel. I answered it in a personal why, why I feel the way I feel. If you don't want to understand why some people feel the way they do, then don't read the answer. Please don't presume to tell me emotions have no place here. Just check back and see which one of us is unable to control their language. 4023. thoughtful - 7/3/2002 5:16:30 PM 4024. vw - 7/3/2002 6:28:19 PM No reason to take your toys and go home thoughtful. I answered what I thought you were asking me. I did it without being rude or nasty. I'm not upset and am not sure why you are getting so upset becvause we disagree about a topic of discussion. 4025. vw - 7/3/2002 6:30:27 PM BTW: I almost always use "you" in the univeral sense not a personl "you" thoughtful sense. 4026. vw - 7/3/2002 9:44:26 PM 30% is a small fraction of the total. IMV, this suggests that major policy changes are not required 4027. RustlerPike - 7/3/2002 11:43:15 PM I think Ivan is right in message 12730 in the Inferno. 4028. RustlerPike - 7/4/2002 12:06:16 AM Pelle: 4030. RustlerPike - 7/4/2002 1:19:27 AM Anything which annoys the femmucrats is off-topic. And seven is one. 4031. KuligintheHooligan - 7/4/2002 9:06:55 AM "love's involved, usually, but that's not really relevant past the vows." 4032. Jamie R - 7/4/2002 9:32:24 AM Well, we were talking about policy and state involvement, KtH. 4033. vw - 7/4/2002 9:50:00 AM Betty, RP and others: it's such a simple rule that I am always surprised that you guys aren't quite quick enough to get it. I’ve repeated it over and over again in this thread. The fact that you still don’t seem to understand leaves me having to assume you’re either not too bright or deliberately being bitches. 4034. vw - 7/4/2002 9:50:21 AM 12702. betty - 7/3/02 4:01:36 AM 4035. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 10:15:15 AM Two long thoughts re: the ongoing discussion of divorce law issues: 4036. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 10:15:27 AM If I go into a strip joint, I know that I will be paying upwards of 25% more per drink than I would in a pub. I might grouse about the costs later, but I can’t deny that I went in and was gouged on the price of beer of my own free will – because I knew the skewed economics going in. If I knowingly park in a no-parking zone and get ticketed or have my car towed away, I am likely to be angry; but I still assumed the risk of incurring these costs knowingly and of my own free will. It is the same deal with marriage. The skewed economics are known to all going in, all know how to mitigate the potential costs associated with the situation, and anyone can contract their way out of the skewed economics before committing to marriage. Choice abounds throughout, even for the party with the most to lose. 4037. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 10:16:44 AM 2) CalGal, JamieR and VW all argue that there is a social and human cost to divorce law regimes that require working spouses to support stay at home spouses upon divorce. I won’t comment on the human costs beyond saying that I sympathize with people who are mistreated in love and hate to see kids victimized by poor parental decisions. As for the social costs, I am not YET fully convinced that the current system of divorce engenders social costs that I should be overly concerned with. I will discuss my position on three of the costs suggested so far: 4038. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 10:17:18 AM a) Litigation and Enforcement Costs: It is argued that divorce litigation and enforcement is costly and that the costs are borne by taxpayers. This is true enough, but it is also true of contract adjudication in general. Courts are always asked to interpret, enforce, calculate appropriate damage amount and otherwise adjudicate contract disputes. I don’t see how divorce is any different in this regard or how the litigation costs are somehow more egregious in divorce cases relative to other contract and quasi-contractual disputes. Indeed, the tendency towards forced mediation in many jurisdictions has the potential to greatly reduce such costs in divorce proceedings. (Incidentally, the social costs of litigation in Canada are offset by rules requiring the losing party in an action to cover certain costs incurred by the court and the winning litigant.) 4039. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 10:17:45 AM b) The Costs Incurred by the Supporting Spouse: It is argued that the government imposes a social cost by requiring one spouse to support the other after divorce – that the court essentially looks to the nearest convenient wallet to cover the costs of the stay at home spouse’s irresponsible decision. Assuming this to be a correct characterization of what divorce courts actually do, I still fail to see a social cost here. The argument assumes that current divorce law encourages people to make the supposedly irresponsible decision to stay at home rather than work. Well, if this is the case, why shouldn’t the costs be absorbed entirely by those who buy into an institution that perpetuates a bad thing? The equities may be skewed in divorce settlements and involve an unfair transfer of wealth, but that doesn’t make the wealth transfer a social cost. It may be costly to one party, but these costs are foreseeable and the losing party knowingly assumes the risk of incurring them by buying into the institution of marriage. If the costs are self-contained within the institution of marriage and borne entirely by those who decide to marry (and who willingly accept the tax benefits associated with marriage) why should I be concerned. There is no cost to me or society at large. 4040. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 10:18:10 AM c) Encouraging SAH Spouses Increases the Welfare Rolls: This argument essentially says that encouragement of SAH spouses encourages a culture of dependence that leads former SAH spouses to welfare and other forms of social assistance, which engenders obvious social costs. No stats have yet been quoted in this forum demonstrating a causal connection or even correlation between increases in former SAH spouses and increases in the number of welfare recipients. My guess is that people end up on welfare for a host of other reasons unrelated or only marginally related to marital decisions. Still, even assuming that encouragement of SAH spouses is conducive to welfare dependence, I don’t see how changing the law to limit the bread winner’s financial responsibilities to his (or her) former SAH spouse will reduce social costs. I am of the view that the costs of marriage should be borne by those who participate in the institution. If a spouse is complicit, through apathy or express encouragement, of supposedly irresponsible choices that lead to a culture of dependency that makes it difficult for his or her SAH spouse to support him or herself after divorce, then he or she should bear the costs, especially if the alternative is social assistance for the former spouse (which would take the costs outside the marriage and put them on society’s plate). 4041. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 10:18:29 AM Phew. That's all for now. 4042. judithathome - 7/4/2002 10:57:16 AM Not bad for a guy in a coffee stained shirt! 4043. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 11:02:35 AM TabouliJones still angry. Him not yet back to usual, kindly, David Banner mode. Him use mote to distract from coffee smell and anger. 4044. vw - 7/4/2002 11:18:43 AM Wow TJ ... I'm going to have to print this out and read it while sweating over the grill (makes the burgers taste better, dontcha know). 4045. ElliottRW - 7/4/2002 12:07:10 PM I would like to point out that our income tax laws provide an incentive for low-paid spouses not to work. Combined with high demand within the family for the services of the low-paid spouse, the decision not to take a paying job may make a great deal of economic sense. Which leads me to ask: even if our divorce laws provide a (perverse) incentive for women not to work, how significant is this incentive compared to the (perverse) incentive provided by other laws, tax law in particular? 4046. judithathome - 7/4/2002 12:14:53 PM the decision not to take a paying job may make a great deal of economic sense. 4047. CalGal - 7/4/2002 12:17:23 PM That's a good point, about the tax laws. I don't think an adult who doesn't work should be allowed to be claimed as a dependent. Oh, and did I mention that I hate the idea of spousal SocSec? 4048. judithathome - 7/4/2002 12:19:19 PM I don't think an adult who doesn't work should be allowed to be claimed as a dependent 4049. CalGal - 7/4/2002 12:20:27 PM No stats have yet been quoted in this forum demonstrating a causal connection or even correlation between increases in former SAH spouses and increases in the number of welfare recipients. 4050. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 12:22:19 PM A Until TANF ??????? 4051. CalGal - 7/4/2002 12:23:26 PM Judith--yeah, I know. (g) 4052. CalGal - 7/4/2002 12:26:17 PM TJ--Temporary Assistance to Needy Families. aka, Welfare Reform. 4053. judithathome - 7/4/2002 12:34:50 PM I believe that "change in family status" is also the reason that most women leave welfare--ie, they moved back home, found another boyfriend/husband. 4054. CalGal - 7/4/2002 12:36:55 PM That's not "change in family status" and, while she's not unique, I don't believe that education and a job is a primary reason why women leave welfare. 4055. judithathome - 7/4/2002 12:41:22 PM Well, find some stats that prove they don't. Don't assume all women ar leeches just because you assume some are. 4056. CalGal - 7/4/2002 12:48:56 PM An Econometric Analysis of Poverty Dynamics in Canada. 4057. CalGal - 7/4/2002 12:51:23 PM And I would think a "change in family status" would apply to a woman who sees her "family" as herself and her child. 4058. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 12:51:40 PM Cal, 4059. judithathome - 7/4/2002 12:54:21 PM so it's not some ultra conservative lobbying number. 4060. CalGal - 7/4/2002 12:55:56 PM Ack. I'm on my Linux server, which means Netscape browser, which means that simple editing chores are a pain that would take another five minutes. Click on the link and then remove the extra double quote at the end. That should fix it. 4061. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 1:00:44 PM That worked, thanks. I will read the study and try to respond with comments in a little while. 4062. CalGal - 7/4/2002 1:05:19 PM becoming low income does not necessarily equate 4063. judithathome - 7/4/2002 1:11:43 PM It's a holiday....relax and go eat a hot dog! ;-) 4064. TabouliJones - 7/4/2002 1:18:23 PM Um, for women with kids it generally does. 4065. msivorytower - 7/4/2002 1:38:54 PM TJ 4066. msivorytower - 7/4/2002 1:39:12 PM As an aside on the welfare data, we would need to know the length women stay on welfare after a divorce to get a true picture of the costs to society for their lack of marketable skills and just who bears those costs. Welfare participation is quite fluid for most who use it. Thus, a temporary use of welfare benefits by women initially upon divorce does not tell us whether we should force them to become sterilized (which, of course, is illegal besides being nonsense), and is no more pernacious than are unemployment benefits. 4067. msivorytower - 7/4/2002 1:47:36 PM Another factor to consider before weeping for the marital partner with the higher income having to bear an unequal burden of the financial costs of divorce is that this is nothing new in our legal system. In the US, the entire premise of tort liability is that those with the deepest pockets will be most vulnerable if it can be shown that they breached a duty of care and that they were responsible for the harm claimed. Contract and property law have similar sorts of requirements that will penalize a party with the deepest pockets more than those who have little or no resources. 4068. CalGal - 7/4/2002 1:52:12 PM But, the mother doesn't have to become poverty stricken if the father accepts the responsibility of paying support -- i.e. bearing
I linked to it only because it cleared up an issue for me. I was remembering the older models that required you to be near a base unit to prevent the alarm from triggering. This was fine for people under house arrest, but that kind of in-your-home-only restriction seemed too severe to me for people only arrested of a crime, not convicted of a crime.
But the newer technology, which allows freedom of movement through GPS tracking, seems to me to be reasonable. It doesn’t restrict the alleged offender in continuing their day-to-day activities, yet it alerts the authorities when the bracelet-wearer strays from the agreed upon location limits.
The only place I see the possibility of a violation of privacy is actually in the effectiveness of the system. The tracking is pretty accurate. It allows the authorities to pinpoint a wearer’s location at all times.
Now if the authorities only pinpoint the wearer’s location after he or she has strayed from the restricted area, which seems reasonable. If the wearer is accused of committing another crime while wearing the bracelet and the authorities use the tracking to ascertain whether or not the wearer was in the new crime vicinity at the time of the crime, that also seems reasonable.
But if the authorities have no reasonable expectation that the wearer is either 1) violating bail or 2) committing another crime then just but instead are just “checking up” on the wearer out of curiosity or the desire to find evidence that further incriminates the wearer through circumstance, than that seems like a clear violation of the wearers privacy.
Does that make sense?
We sent some folks out to Oakland County (MI) to check it out, and they were just floored by its efficiency and accuracy.
We've been using the old phone-based technology for a long time, but most P.O.s are very wary of using it for anyone charged with any kind of felony. They're just not reliable, for the reasons outlined in the article. Besides, whenever there is a change in schedule (new bus stop requiring earlier leave/later enter, job change, etc., all that info has to be disseminated to law enforcement, probation, detention, and of course to the Dept. of Corrections, which monitors the probationers by calling the base units at pre-set times. Very clunky.
However, juvenile crime has decreased so sharply over the past year that we are almost never even at capacity, let alone overcrowded.
I hope this technology is pursued, though. It could take a real load off of the more taxed systems.
Thanks for the link. That is precisely the type of system I was thinking about. You bring up a good point about privacy, but it sounds like it can be easily addressed. identify "acceptable" areas the person can visit, and the computer can simply identify that the person is in the acceptable area. Only if he or she leaves the acceptable area would it identify the specific location.
joezan
It seems like a very sensible solution. I hope you'll keep us informed if you decide to implement the system (or decide not to.)
Shannon
You get the bail money back if you post the full amount. Many people cannot post the full amount, and use a bail bondsman. The bail bondsman posts the full amount, and asks for a fee typically 10%, from the offender (or friends or relatives). This fee is not refunded. You indicated that you used a bail bondsman. Did you end up getting a bond from him, or did you post the full bail?
Seeing as I'm not sure exactly what I think of the death penalty, I'm really not sure what I think of this. It certainly harkens back to a time when the whole family took a picnic basket down to the town square to see the latest cattle rustler swing.
OTOH, the 168 people who were killed have who knows how many parents, spouses, and loved ones that may or may not need to see the end of McVeigh to bring an end to their own grieving.
We got a bond. His bail was only $1500, as I recall, but we were all young and poor. But even if we'd had the full amount, I'm not sure we'd ever have figured out where he was and how to get him out w/o going through the bondsman. What's the PC term, anyway? Bondsperson? Bondswoman? Bondtron?.
But what you've described is how I thought it worked. Thanks.
Aren't relatives allowed to see the execution already? Why is this different?
McVeigh's hoping to go out a martyr for the cause; I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
As far as televising the actual execution, McVeigh had made noises that if Ashcropft allowed the closed-circuit affair, he'd go to court to force it on national TV, but he backed off from that. It would have made for an interesting debate.
that, or have everyone waiting in sets of 10 and throw the switch, clear the room, and throw it again and again til all you really need is a baggie and hand broom
well, where's the fun in that?
now that's justice!
Excerpt:
STEP forward to a dinner party in 2025. Your hostess warns you that the tomatoes are the new cholesterol-reducing ones. Your host grumbles that he eats only organic food. Your gay neighbour tells you how his clone (should you think of it as his son or his brother?) is doing at school. Somebody mentions the amount that the Smiths have paid to make sure their next daughter has blue eyes. Wouldn’t it have been better spent on making her musical? Somebody jokes about that couple who could have had a Margaret Thatcher clone but chose a Bill Clinton instead. On the drive back, the headlines are about attempts to raise the retirement age to 95.
This is not a prophecy, merely a set of possibilities that the revolution in genetic science might throw up. Would such a world horrify you, inspire you, liberate you, disgust you? Perhaps a combination of all these emotions. Genetic science does not pose just the “normal” questions of how we should regulate any new technology. It also presents ethical and political challenges, many of which cut across the traditional barriers of liberalism and conservatism. If America is a guide (see article), then most politicians are floundering to understand what may be just around the corner.
The issue of cloning humans has obvious social implications. I'm generally in favor, but queasy about where it might lead.
In addition to the obvious debate about the extent (if any) to which it should be allowed, there is the meta-question of what the "default" position should be. Should it be allowed, except where opponents make a credible case? Or disallowed, except where proponents make a credible case. (I thought the Economist commented on this, but I can't find the reference; I trust that people can guess where I stand.)
Any comments?
But I believe it's pretty much a moot point right now. Haven't all the animal clones resulted in serious genetic problems?
why stop people who need bone marrow, blood, organs or hell, new hair?
Besides, if you allow people to clone just to get spare body parts, are you then saying that clones won't be completely human? Different sets of rights?
Ack. Not enough sleep. I'm not sure you can know for sure if genetic kinks have been eliminated for many generations.
I'm in the middle of searching articles even as I type, but don't recall such problems.
I do not wish to see the government ban cloning, but I have no particular desire to see the government fund it either.
Besides, if you allow people to clone just to get spare body parts, are you then saying that clones won't be completely human? Different sets of rights?
i would look at my clone as my property. it is me and i would do with it as i will.
no, I wouldn’t consider it ‘completely human’. no ‘rights’ at all.
Re: Message # 545, Erin R.
Why should a clone be "marked?"
because that way if the clone does something wrong (i.e. break laws) should it live and be 'free' then i wouldn't want to carry the blame should DNA tests be conducted.
no, I wouldn’t consider it ‘completely human’. no ‘rights’ at all.
Ha, ha, ha. Oh, yeah. That's gonna fly.
i make no pretense that what i envision has a snowball's chance of entering into law, but then that's par for the course for me, no?
Where do you get that notion? Clones would be born as infants, same as other humans.
I think Ducky's approach is the only reason why people would clone, anyway. What other advantage is there?
I think few people would clone, actually, apart from a few egomaniacs. I don't see much of an advantage, in any case. That doesn't mean the science should not proceed (privately funded). A use for it may arise someday, perhaps after some unforseen biological or natural catastrophe, or war.
Ronski
There was one site suggesting that the DNA of Dolly seemed to be consistent with that of an older sheep, but the article I found just hinted at the issue, and said it would discussed in a forthcoming article in Nature. Unfortunately, it appears that Nature articles require membership.
I haven't seen a definitive article on the issue. Erin, have you seen one?
Don't know why that link didn't work the first time.
Provided it doesn't go forward with humans, I'm all for cloning research. I agree that it never hurts to have another way of reproducing humans as a backup.
Dusty,
He may have been joking, but I think it's the only reason to clone humans.
Sheep Clone's Cells Aging Faster Than She Is
Note that the article does not support the unqualified headline.
He may have been joking, but I think it's the only reason to clone humans.
In that case, you won't be interested. What is your rationale for banning it for the benefit of others?
The report in the journal Science describes the cloning of six calves generated from cells at the end of their lifespan. “The old cells were not merely returned to a youthful state. Remarkably, they were actually given a longer life span than those from normal animals,” said Dr. Robert P. Lanza , MD, Vice President of Medical and Scientific Development at ACT and first author of the report. The cloned animals, one of which is celebrating her first birthday this week, have telomeres that look like newborn calves despite the fact that they were cloned from senescent cells.
It's not a matter of my preference. I mean that there is no reason to clone humans, period, if you aren't speaking about harvesting their body parts--which entails defining their rights differently.
mostly serious. but i would think that clones ought not be allowed to be made unless there is some sort of desperate utility to be gained.
solders, experiments, organ harvesting. these are the only types of reasons i see for cloning. and, yes, i would consider it property - the same as i would aborted baby tissue used in similar research.
Yes, that Time article points to the possibility that Dolly may be aging faster. It isn't definitive, but more importantly, it isn't happening in all clones. It may simply be that we need to learn how to do it right.
That's the best argument I can think of for going slow on cloning humans.
It may be your personal opinion that there is no reason to clone a human other than for body parts, but I haven't seen you prove that there are no other reasons, so I assumed you were talking about your personal preferences.
If you have proof that there are no other reasons for human cloning, spill, please.
mostly serious.
I find this hard to believe, but I'll take you at your word. Do you consider children personal property? If not, how do you distinguish?
"Proof"? What proof is needed? We have a perfectly good way of reproducing human life.
The burden of proof, actually, is on you: come up with any reason to clone that is separate and distinct from giving birth and has nothing to do with harvesting.
Then there are all the legal problems with cloning. The mother is the mother, but the father isn't the father until he legally adopts. Of course, neither the mother or the mother is the actual parent--there is no biological parent. But right now, the person the kid pops out of is always the mother.
However, the actual parents would be the mother and father of the person who was cloned.
That's just one of many problems I can see.
thus, the clone is redundant and shouldn't be created in the first place. if it is, then i see no (a) value of a dup and (b) why society should tolerate more demands on limited resources from people already in existence.
i feel if we are hard on this on the front-end then the 'social issues' will be substantially lessoned.
I've searched a couple dozen sites, but I haven't found reference to genetic problems.
I found:
But the miscarriage problem is related to the technique, not genetic problems. The age issue sounds genetic, but it hasn't even been proved in the case of Dolly, and the evidence points the other direction in cows and mice. The cow that dies is problematic, but it may be evidence of a bad technique, not endemic genetic problems with cloning.
I even searched for fat mice, but so far, all I can find is a site discussing genetically engineered mice that do not get fat.
If you run across any sites talking about the problem, please pass them along.
I think everything should be allowed unless there is a damn good reason not to.
you don't think (a) over population (b) needless law complications (c) needless social strife are valid reasons not to clone?
I will. I've looked myself and can't find it, so I can understand your skepticism. But I did read it, and just recently. It was in one of the major publications--Time, the Times, something. The mice suddenly got fat when they hit puberty--grotesquely fat.
What proof is needed? We have a perfectly good way of reproducing human life.
Does this mean you support a ban on IVF, and other artificial ways of helping the birth process?
The burden of proof, actually, is on you: come up with any reason to clone that is separate and distinct from giving birth and has nothing to do with harvesting.
I mentioned this issue before. What basis do you have for assuming that the burden of proof is on me? This is a statist, "the government owns me" point of view. I reject it.
Does this mean that if you had twins, you could declare one of them a "dup" and treat it as property? Even killing it if you were worried about impact on resources? The law doesn't agree with you.
you don't think (a) over population (b) needless law complications (c) needless social strife are valid reasons not to clone?
Those arguments could support mandatory sterilization. I hope you don't support that?
No, because IVF is still creating life by merging ova and sperm. In fact, IVF is the reason there is no need for cloning.
What basis do you have for assuming that the burden of proof is on me?
Because it is. We have a means of creating life. Every possible reason you can come up with for using cloning is available with that method (save guaranteed harvesting).
So if you want to throw a non-standard creation method that has serious risks, I think you need to justify it. The only justification I can see is body parts, which I think is generally agreed to be reprehensible.
If you can't provide a reason other than that, then the discussion isn't actually about cloning, it's about what rights you yourself have--and that discussion is the same no matter what the issue is. It's hardly exclusive to cloning.
But in the matter of cloning specifically, the discussion pretty much ends until someone can articulate a reason that isn't "I need some more body parts". That way lies human rights problems on top of the obvious legal problems already mentioned.
First, I do not believe the world is overpopulated. Second, what do you mean by "needless" law complications? We have a legal system expressly to resolve the disputes that occur between people. And third, what social strife are you talking about? I do not consider the debate we are having here on the subject to be strife.
Does this mean that if you had twins, you could declare one of them a "dup" and treat it as property?
nope. we are both well aware that a clone is a different animal (no pun intended) than a twin. one is an exact duplicate down to the DNA level, one merely has some of the same traits
The law doesn't agree with you.
i already said as much in Message # 554
Those arguments could support mandatory sterilization. I hope you don't support that?
depends on the application. but that's not really the point. the point is why allow something that will do nothing but disrupt the current society with the only real net gain going to the population of a rapidly overcrowding earth?
First, I do not believe the world is overpopulated.
perhaps, but surely an examination of birth rates and the projected populations of China, India, and some others over the next 50 yrs would point out that we are starting to get into a problem with the world's population. but, again, the point is why add to the developing problem with an artificial means when the current conventional means is very much working?
... what do you mean by "needless" law complications?
just that we have so much going on i see the entire legal undertaking wrt clones as unnecessary and, just as the clone is, redundant. i'd rather concentrate on other matters.
I do not consider the debate we are having here on the subject to be strife.
not yet, but i was speaking more to the widespread debate that will occur. i suspect it'll be similar to abortion. why invite more problems?
nope. we are both well aware that a clone is a different animal (no pun intended) than a twin. one is an exact duplicate down to the DNA level, one merely has some of the same traits
I think you are wrong on this. A clone is ethically and legally distinguishable, but I don't think it is biologically distinguishable.
Thank you for your explanation, but I still don't think you make your case. Almost every new development in science and technology has brought out people to decry it as disruptive or damaging or evil, usually without the slightest foundation.
As for overpopulation, the trends suggest the opposite of what you are saying. Human beings are not merely consumers of resources, they are the producers of them as well. And as today's nations mature and gain wealth, their birth rate drops significantly.
A clone is ethically and legally distinguishable, but I don't think it is biologically distinguishable.
um, no. what law are you reading there?
it is possible to me that an answer to the over population problem will arise, it just isn't probable. humans are simply not going to curb themselves any time soon which is why i'm pretty much against an artificial means to ramp up production of more people who really aren't necessary (no, i'm not going to say who is and isn't necessary - just that clones of people previously in existence aren't)
i never said cloning was 'evil', just that the utility derived from it doesn't overcome the negatives as i see it.
But what gives you (I mean this the nicest possible way) or anybody else the right to ban anything that is simply of questionable utility?
As for human beings curbing themselves, they do it all the time. Some European countries have or are approaching negative birth rates. The population disasters predicted for places like China and India have not happened.
But what gives you (I mean this the nicest possible way) or anybody else the right to ban anything that is simply of questionable utility?
er, the gov't does t everyday. perhaps not on a utility standard, but on some level the scales or cost/benefit are there with every aspect of your life that an all powerful gov't has allowed you to have. from your 'rights' to your property, all of it is at the good grace of Uncle Sam. i don’t see why this new scientific development would be any different.
t = that
All the Reasons to Clone Human Beings
Samples:
To cure infertility
Bad parents
To be a better parent
Because of the special relationship that twins have
Gay couples
Perhaps we have a different view of what constitutes a right. I hold to the notion that the government gets its power from the governed.
That the government bans or has banned certain activities (aiding runaway slaves, intimate relations between adults of the same sex, etc.) adds no moral legitimacy to the argument here.
er, the gov't does t everyday.
Yes, they do. But this sounds like an argument against you.
Source
So, what exactly is a clone?
[Empasis added.]
There are actually many definitions of a clone. Anything that was produced asexually could be considered a clone, for example, a plant that was produced by grafting. For humans, a clone would be considered anything that is genetically identical to another person. So a natural clone would be an identical twin.
Will a clone have the same fingerprints as the person (s)he was cloned from?
A clone is the same as having an identical twin that was born several years or decades after you, so s(he) will have a different set of fingerprints.
the government has all the weapons and power. thus, they rule. they are benevolent dictators, yes, but we are just lucky.
but then again, i'm a pessimist paranoid.
Yes, they do. But this sounds like an argument against you.
not really. we don't have and i don't demand unfettered rights.
a different set of fingerprints you say? hmm. i didn't know that. i thought it was a 99.99999% perfect copy of a human
but all the good uns
i'd rather have a chopper with one of those 200 bullet continuous bullet feeds supporting tanks and military jeeps than i would a whole pistol.
call me crazy.
Just count the number of pistols and rifles abroad in the land.
It's enough to give any potential dictator pause. All that house-to-house fighting to quell the population would be so very time-consuming and messy.
RAËL -- the founder of a religious organization called the Raelian Movement which claims that life on earth was created scientifically in laboratories by extraterrestrials whose name (ELOHIM) is found in the Hebrew Bible and was mistranslated by the word "God", and which also claims that Jesus' resurrection was, in fact, a cloning performed by the ELOHIM -- announced today that he and a group of investors have set up a company named Valiant Venture Ltd which will offer a service called CLONAID® to provide assistance to would be parents willing to have a child cloned from one of them. This service offers a fantastic opportunity to parents with fertility problems or homosexual couples to have a child cloned from one of them.
. . . .
RAËL said: "Cloning will enable mankind to reach eternal life. The next step, like the ELOHIM with their 25,000 years of scientific advance, will be to directly clone an adult person without having to go through the growth process and to transfer memory and personality in this person. Then, we wake up after death in a brand new body just like after a good night sleep!"
Future multi-mega-rockband cause.
Laxative...definitely.
I'm afraid I'm missing the point on that one gorgeous.
Good things about cloning:
1)Offset abortions. (mentioned earlier)
2)Makes "go f*** yourself...possible.
Bad thing about cloning:
(See above)
Re: Message # 598
Are you sure that site isn't a joke? I read most of the reasons they think cloning should be allowed and it looks pretty satirical to me. If they're serious then I think they're a bunch of nut-bars.
You mentioned the following examples:
To cure infertility
Bad parents
To be a better parent
Because of the special relationship that twins have
Gay couples
I don't see why cloning is an appropriate or necessary answer to any of these things.
Infertility & Gay Couples: There are thousands of children waiting to be adopted. There is no "right" to bear a child of one's own body how ever much one might wish it. Cloning in this instance harms society in that it offers an alternative to providing homes for children already in existence. This is of course based on my value judgement that hoardes of children being raised by the state is less desirable than providing permanent homes for those children. If you want to raise a child there are plenty of them out there who need parents.
Bad Parents: I have to include the excerpt here -
Did your parents destroy your life? Were they alcoholic, child-beating molesters? Did you never have a chance? Interestingly, human cloning allows you the opportunity to participate in choosing the parents for your clone.
Are they serious? This reads like the worst of late night Ginsu commercials. The clone isn't YOU. It's not a time machine in which you can travel back and re-create your perfect childhood. This is a totally separate human being who would do far better than to have a parent so obsessed with his own childhood that he wants someone else to relive it for him according to his gameplan.
cont.
To Be a Better Parent: This doesn't change the parent it changes the child. Instead of a unique individual who looks sort of like you, you get a unique individual who looks exactly like you misleading you into beliving that you know everything there is to know about this totally unique individual. Rather than being a better parent it is far more likely that the parent would constantly be expecting the child to behave and feel and think as he himself does----a lousy parent if ever there was one. Additionally, in my experience most people aren't particularly introspective nor do they really know all that much about the workings of their own minds. Even psychotherapists don't treat themselves.
Because of the special relationship that twins have
What? We should all be able to experience the special relationship that SOME sets of twins have? That's a reason to clone? We're going to start cloning folks so that we can experience the latest fad in relationships? What about people who'd like to have the special kind of relationship that exists between a stalker and his victim? Or the special kind of relationship that can exist between a favorite uncle and his neice? Okay, okay, I'm ranting, but I just couldn't help myself.
cont.
There are plenty of other examples on that site but most of them are just amazingly silly. The not so silly ones are still outrageous.
In the case of organ transplants and other medical harvesting I'm amazed that this is acceptable to people. How would you like to know that the only reason you were brought into existence was to provide spare parts for someone else?
There seems to be no acknowledgement of the difference between one's self and the clone. They're just totally separate people who look like us. It's like having a doppelganger. He doesn't share your memories or experiences or values. He can't relive your childhood or satisfy your dreams for you. If you always wanted to be a concert pianist but lost your fingers in a freak bowling accident your MiniMe can't give you the satisfaction of that life by picking up where you left off.
This is the main problem that I see so far. It isn't a "future" problem. It's already in existence. Clones aren't robots that look like us they are people who look like us. They have all the same rights that we do. They aren't giant dolls to act out our fantasies and as human beings they shouldn't be used as organ factories.
So far I see one and only one acceptable situation for cloning and that's the continuation of endangered and/or extinct species or, in the event that we are able to, the cloning of particular organs.
Yep, I've heard about it happening. A couple years ago there was a story of one such incident on the cover of Readers Digest. Everything worked out wonderfully well for all parties involved, but it remains to be seen whether the younger child will grow up to resent her birth and her family.
If you were attempting to quote me you've got a serious typographical error. If you were not attempting to quote me then you shouldn't have used quotation marks. Also, the conclusion you've drawn does not follow from what I said.
Yeah, that's what was icky about it for me too. It isn't that they don't love the child or that the child was forced to be a donor or anything, it's just that the child's value wasn't initially for her own sake but for her utility regarding their other child.
I read Cyteen. It ended very badly and abruptly, but was terrific through the middle.
I disagree that children who were created on the offchance that they would have matching bone marrow are a problem. For one thing, there is no guarantee. For another, most parents make deliberate choices to have children for all sorts of reasons. If they are the sort who would not love or care for the second child, then they'd be lousy parents no matter what. If they are good and loving parents, they will love the second child either way.
If a couple had a dying child and they chose to have another because they didn't want to be childless, would that be wrong? What if they had a child because they wanted their healthy kid to have a sibling?
There are all sorts of reasons to have more children. Provided the parent can't deliberately harvest their child's organs (which should always be illegal), I see no problem in having a child on the offchance that they might be a bone marrow match. It's not like the child is losing anything.
Cloning, on the other hand, is purely for harvesting body parts.
It's cells from a person's own umbilical chord that are preserved in the event of specific illnesses----leukemia, sicle-cell, several other things I can't recall right now. There's still lots of research going on about how these cells might be used to treat or cure other illnesses particularly immuno-deficiencies and blood disorders.
Gay couples are of either the male or female variety. Lesbians can do IVF, turkey basters, or AI. No need to clone. Gay men will always have to either rent a womb or adopt a kid, no matter what method is used. Cloning offers them nothing that existing technology doesn't already put on the table.
Remove the word "clearly" and my post stands. You said that gay and infertile couples should not clone a child because it harms society not to adopt children first. By that same reasoning, it harms society to have any children without first adopting all the parentless children.
Your reasoning comes down to, "I wanna do it this way and I don't think you should stop me." But as I said earlier, that's philosophical, not any sort of justification for cloning. There is nothing cloning provides that biological reproduction can't provide--except spare body parts.
But we are discussing whether cloning should be forbidden (justifying it as an individual choice is another matter). And the burden of proof should be on those who are calling on government to ban such procedures. No one has demonstrated that any particular harm will come of them.
As for wanting to do things one's own way, call it liberty, freedom, the sovereignty of the individual or whatever you like, but it's a concept worth defending.
No, it's not. This is, as I said, a philosophical issue. In fact, the government can ban any old thing it wants to. There is certainly no constitutional right involved.
I have made more than one post on the harm that would surely result.
I found myself getting irritated and then I realized that maybe you really didn't understand the difference that I just assumed was evident.
It's one thing for a naturally occuring phenomenon to have risks for society. It is another thing entirely to manufacture a phenomenon which poses risks to society.
I'm not about to seriously contend that all people should be sterilized at birth until there are no children left to adopt but I don't see why the rights of children to be well cared for should be trumped by the desires of those who wish to raise only their own flesh and blood.
If you really want to be a parent then the opportunity is there. If you cannot love and care for a child just because it isn't flesh of your flesh then I'd argue that you are too narcissitic to be a good parent in the first place.
I agree with you, philosophically, about the preference of adopting the tons of children, around the world, who need good homes.
But I don't think that this viewpoint necessitates using the vast power of the government to force others to behave similarly.
I do not see the same magnitude of difference you do between doing what comes naturally and intervening technologically in the process. Many people have objected to invitro fertilization because it seems unnatural to them. The Vatican objects to birth control to this very day because it seems unnatural or contrary to God's will to the folks there.
I don't see that any dangers to society from cloing have truly been proven; I don't think many people will want to do it anyway; and I think we should not be in the business of forbidding narcisists from having children, whatever means they use.
It seems reasonable to forbid government-funded research in this area, but not to forbid it outright.
If the only issue with cloning was whether or not to use it as a viable method of providing children to totally infertile couples I might be less vehement but that's just not the case.
Homosexual couples can have children "of their flesh" through ovum and sperm donation and surrogate wombs if they so choose.
When having this conversation many people envision a fully formed human adult clone floating around in a tank filled with amber fluid waiting for you to get done fucking up your kidney and liver.
The reality is that full body cloning for parts is not likely to happen for three major reasons.
(cont.)
What is possible (and should be researched) is the cloning of a single needed body part. In this scenario, your life of raucous debauchery has left you in desperate need of a new liver. It is conceivable that by removing a few undifferentiated cells from your body and applying the proper “signals” in the form of hormones and enzymes that you could have a brand new “liver in a jar” ready for transplantation.
This approach makes more sense, both in terms of efficiency and ethics.
Quite frankly, the cost, time, hassle and risk of growing a clone to adulthood seems to be prohibitive of any of the “imagined” reasons why anyone would want to do it.
using the vast power of the government to force others to behave similarly
No one is being forced to do anything. They're simply being told that if they want to raise children Cloning is not an option available to them. If you want ice cream and I tell you that you can't have Strawberry I haven't forced you to eat Butter Pecan.
I do not see the same magnitude of difference you do between doing what comes naturally and intervening technologically in the process.
I'm not against technology nor am I particularly concerned about most medical technology improving the quality of life etc. I'm not so enamoured of technological advancement, however, that I belive we ought to run right out and do things just because we can. The implications of cloning human beings are vastly farther reaching than whether or not the Smiths baby was conceived in a test tube.
I don't see that any dangers to society from cloing have truly been proven.
Think of the FDA (likely not one of your favorite institutions but useful nonetheless). They don't approve experimental drugs and wait for them to be proven harmful. The burden of proof is on the manufacturer to show that the drug is not harmful. Likewise, if you want to promote Cloning you have to prove that it isn't harmful. I haven't seen anyone yet talk about the PEOPLE involved. Cloning makes commodities of human beings in the worst sort of way. It is harmful to society for us to view one another as expendable replaceable bits and pieces to be shopped for on a whim.
I think we should not be in the business of forbidding narcisists from having children
No one is forbidding them from having children. We're just not enabling them to clone themselves.
Yep, me too. I don't have a problem with cloning parts since after all "parts is parts", but cloning people is totally out of bounds in my book.
I appreciate your response. I linked to that site with trepidation, because some of the reasons were pretty weak in my book. I only listed it because CG was claiming there were no other reasons besides organ harvest.
I don't understand your response to Ronski. He should have been a bit more careful. You didn't say "clearly harms society" but you did say "harms society". I was going to say that Ronski beat me to the point, but I'll restate it.
If cloning "harms society" by reducing the demand for adoption, then so does having a child the old-fashioned way. Why is one acceptable, and not the other?
No, it's not.
Only because you have guns. It isn't philosphically justified. In fact, I suspect good philosophy would argue the opposite.
What harm have you identified?
It's one thing for a naturally occuring phenomenon to have risks for society. It is another thing entirely to manufacture a phenomenon which poses risks to society.
Lots of things are unnatural. Cars are unnatural. Perms are unnatural. Condoms are unnatural. If anyone identifies any harm that arises, can the government ban these items?
IIRC, someone is working on growing human ears on the back of a rat. I'm sure there are other body part experiments in progress, altohugh I don't recall whether they involve clones.
Twins are not clones.
From Bella Online:
According to the Roslin Institute identical twins are natures clones.
By now you are probably beginning to understand why Dr. Nancy Segal, the chair of the Twin Studies Department at Cal State Fullerton, writes in her latest book "Twins and Twinning" that "identical twins are clones, but clones are not identical twins." They’re just too different. [emphasis added]
Source
Let me guess--Roslin Institute is an organization that benefits from greater acceptance of cloning?
In any event, there is plenty wrong with that analogy. Identical twins are conceived with sperm and egg. They are conceived at the same time.
I would be interested in seeing how they claim that nature plans and commits clones. Of course, if twins are nature's clones, nature doesn't seem to think we should have that many clones, either.
Then there's the not insignificant fact that, since we are talking about an unnatural process, it really doesn't matter much what "nature" does.
So I'm sorry, but I'm not buying the notion that twins are clones. They aren't clones. They are a naturally occurring process in the ordinary biological conception that results in two genetically identical human beings. That has nothing to do with using a cell to manipulate a human being into existence.
Basically, in that procedure the shape of the ear (which would normally be defined by its cartilege "skeleton") is formed from synthetic material, and human skin is grown over it, using the mouse for nourishment.
Basically, it's a skin graft - and, imo a freak show, because there is nothing to prevent scientists from using the same technology to grow the ear on the body of the person who needs it.
Evangelical Christian Gays
For more than a quarter century, through Evangelicals Concerned, Ralph Blair has been working to reconcile gays and lesbians with the evangelical Christian churches that have so often rejected them. His most popular pamphlet is a folded sheet of paper whose cover says, "What Jesus Christ Said About Homosexuality." On the inside it is totally blank.
Independent Gay Forum
Also a good excuse to post a link to what is unquestionably the most thoughtful and thought provoking source for things gay, social, and political.
So I'm sorry, but I'm not buying the notion that twins are clones.
No offense, but who the fuck cares what you choose to believe? If you want to insist that, in your world, up is down, and market forces have nothing to do with supply and demand, I can't stop you.
If you want to make an assertion, unrelated to common sense, and contrary to virtually every cited authority, go for it. But don't expect to be taken seriously.
I did not say that market forces have nothing to do with supply and demand, you dolt. But that's in another thread. I suggest you restrain your ire to the appropriate thread.
And in your ire, you zapped right by the rebuttal that is on point no matter how much you buy into propaganda:
Then there's the not insignificant fact that, since we are talking about an unnatural process, it really doesn't matter much what "nature" does.
Really, saying that twins are "nature's" clones is rather like saying that time is "nature's" nuclear weapon--it kills all living beings, so it's the same thing.
SECTION: ENTERTAINMENT, TELEVISION, AND CULTURE
DISTRIBUTION: TO ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR
LENGTH: 200 words
HEADLINE: Steven Spielberg Declines Further Term on Boy Scouts Advisory Board
DATELINE: LOS ANGELES, April 16
BODY: Statement from Steven Spielberg:
"The last few years in scouting have deeply saddened me to see the Boy Scouts of America actively and publicly participating in discrimination. It's a real shame. I thought the Boy Scouts stood for equal opportunity, and I have consistently spoken out publicly and privately against intolerance and discrimination based on ethnic, religious, racial, and sexual orientation. "While I have had no active direct role in the Scouts there are still many people who assume I support every current policy --and the discriminatory policy -- because my name is attached to the Advisory Board. To avoid any further misunderstanding, I have chosen to decline another term on the Advisory Board while continuing to encourage -- for the good of scouting -- efforts to end this intolerance and discrimination once and for all. "Once scouting fully opens its doors to all who desire the same experience that so fully enriched me as a young person, I will be happy to reconsider a role on the Advisory Board."
SOURCE Steven Spielberg
Why on earth would you say "No offense" when clearly you mean to give it?
Because I wanted to express annoyance, not the intention to offend.
Really, Dusty, you should pay more attention to what you say.
Really, CalGal, you should work on your comprehension.
Not every statement needs to be backed up. But when I make a perfectly reasonable statement, and even back it up with multiple cites, I think it is understandably annoying that you deign to dismiss it so blithely. We are trying to have an ethical discussion of cloning. You aren't contributing when you insist that you know the only rationale in favor of cloning (despite proof to the contrary), and you so blithely dismiss scientific facts.
Yes, you are annoying. I want to make that clear. But I don't want to offend you.
You did not make a "perfectly reasonable" statement and you "backed it up" by quoting pro-cloning sites that are reaching for an analogy that makes their case. Then, when I rebutted, using that questionable data, you ignored it: namely, even if you call twins "nature's clones", it's impossible to pretend that they are the same thing. The differences between nature and man-made, in this case, is akin to the difference between the passage of time and nuclear war as destructive forces.
You aren't contributing when you insist that you know the only rationale in favor of cloning (despite proof to the contrary
You have offered no proof to the contrary. You haven't even addressed the question--in fact, you refused to. You certainly have not provided the simple justification I requested: a case where cloning would be the only solution possible and would not involve harvesting. (In other words, a solution where IVF or AI did not provide the same thing.)
As for having an "ethical discussion" of cloning, my point is that you haven't cleared the barrier to entry: justify the need for cloning apart from harvesting, which is (one assumes) unethical by definition. Your only justification is, "Because I don't believe the government should be able to stop me." But that's a government discussion, not a cloning discussion. Since you have no need for cloning, I fail to see how you can even justify it.
As for having an "ethical discussion" of cloning, my point is that you haven't cleared the barrier to entry: justify the need for cloning apart from harvesting, which is (one assumes) unethical by definition.
I'm not buying your barrier to entry.
So, since you don't want to play, I'll continue this discussion with people who are interested.
Buh-bye
Please remember, if it's a one-liner snipe with no on-topic content, don't waste my time and yours by posting it. Thanks.
You should. There will be barriers and they will be steep because cloning is in fact creating a human life that must be treated with the full compliment of rights and considerations.
The bottom line is that we are still fumbling around in the dark when it comes to cloning. We have not been able to consistently reproduce results, new errors keep creeping in and even when we get it right, we aren’t quite sure why. Dolly the Infamous is only one out of tens of thousands of experiments of varying stages of development that were preformed. Some of those attempts were full term pregnancies that either miscarried or were terminated due to their deformities.
We SHOULD NOT be toying with human cloning until we understand why it goes wrong and why it goes right. Let one idiot rogue researcher deliver and then “cover-up” a horribly deformed human clone and every science fearing Bio-Luddite will have the fuel needed to burn down Clone Research before we even begin to understand it.
The New Scientist has a couple of good articles on this topic.
We won't need to clone embryos if we can recycle adult cells instead
I am in more agreement with your post than you might imagine. I said earlier we should go slow. I would support a voluntary moratorium on human cloning until we know a lot more about it. The prospect of destroying an animal clone gone wrong is distateful, but orders of magnitude less problematic than with a human.
That said, I was addressing who gets to make the rules. If scientists show reasonable restraint (and I recognize this creates an opening), I think scientists should decide when they are ready. If scientists believe they are ready, and others disagree, I suggest that the opponents have to make the case.
Thanks for the links.
Cloning yourself so you can have the perfect sexual partner--now that's the height of something.
and, again, if you presuppose that harvesting is out of the picture, then i presuppose no real benefit to cloning and oppose it on those grounds.
What do you mean? In the event a couple carry genes that present a high risk for congenital defect they might wish to clone themselves? It seems to me that there are many options other than cloning, including not having children, adopting, or using donor sperm or egg.
Standard sexual reproduction has built in advantages for the propogation of the species, doesn't it?
I don't have a problem with that as long as it doesn't involve the cloning of a subordinate individual from whom to harvest organs -- an auxillary kid.
I remember one set of twins I knew in New York. Very singular-looking guys to begin with -- about five steps short of what would odinarily be called "ugly." One twin was gay, the other straight. The gay twin (my friend) was a very nice guy. Easygoing, affable. His brother was in a constant rage about everything. It was amazing to see the two of them talking together -- exactly like someone arguing with himself in a mirror.
PsychProf
I know that twin studies form an important part of psychological study—is this something you've studied to any extent?
I assume that psychologists would be interested in studying clones, also I understand any reticence in creating them simply for the purpose of study.
FOR DUSTY
i guess if twins are clones or whatever then i'd like to see clones developed with no head or something so that there would be no problem with organ harvesting.
Interesting question, as it is specifically addressed in one of the sites vw linked:
Could people be cloned without conscious brains (so their body parts could be harvested with fewer moral qualms)?
Short answer: No. For more detail, see this page (about half way down).
Thanks for the link.
I was surprised at the conclusion in this sentence:
In addition to these large, (somewhat) controlled studies, there were a few case studies of twins' secret language, with the assumption that this inter-twin language was related to the delays experienced with the culturally transmitted languge (Luria & Yudovich 1959; Zazzo 1960). These are not terribly helpful to the general issue.
First, it was news to me that some researchers reported significant delays in language development among twins. But when I read, the first thing that popped into my head was the secret language issue. The site did list a number of interesting and plausible flaws in the earlier studies, but I was surprised to hear this one dismissed so quickly. But I (obviously) haven't read it thoroughly yet.
Do you know of any studies looking at the sexual orientation of twins? I wonder to what extent your example is typical.
They've been in a longitudinal study on twins at the Medical College of Virginia since they were tadpoles.
I've never liked the dressing alike, and similar names for twins. One of my co-workers has triplets (21 months). I can't imagine dealing with that.
There are a few studies, going back to one by Franz Kallman at Columbia Univesity in the early 60s. They are not very conclusive, but they indicate a greater likelihood that identical twins will be gay, even if raised apart, than fraternal twins or siblings will be gay.
But there are indentical twins where one is gay and one is not. All this suggests that there may be a genetic component to gayness, but it is far from controlling.
Behavioral tendencies tend to be "complex" genetic traits, meaning more than one gene is involved, and more than likely to be influenced by other factors as well, such as upbringing and other life experiences. Varying chemical influences in the womb may also play a role.
In any case, most people I know who are gay say they felt they were born that way, including me.
Twins were certainly a handful for Sis and her hub --especially when she got home from work. When she was nursing, she'd be starving, the kids would be hungry and the house was in general uproar. After the boys got to the age where they could amuse themselves and were safe without constant supervision, the fact that each always had an age appropriate playmate made things easier.
Thanks, interesting reading.
One particularly interesting excerpt:
Katz (1995) argues that exclusive heterosexuality is a relatively recent invention, going back perhaps as far as the 1920's.
On May 16, Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh is scheduled to be executed for killing 168 people six years ago.
Right now, only bombing victims, their families and select journalists will be allowed to watch the event live.
But Entertainment Media--a company that offers Voyeurdorm.com and Erotixmall.com--wants to broaden that audience by Webcasting the event live to millions of Internet users who fork over $1.95 a pop for the privilege. The company has sued the Justice Department and the Federal Bureau of Prisons for the right to do so.
At a hearing Tuesday, a federal court in Indianapolis will hear arguments from both sides over whether to allow the Webcast. Although the debate over broadcasting executions is not new, this case marks the first time an Internet company has sued for those rights. Still, Entertainment Media's quest to show an execution live on the Internet to a broad audience looks like an uphill battle.
...
Steven Brill, CEO of Brill's Content magazine and founder of Court TV, has long favored putting cameras in courtrooms and death chambers. But he said Entertainment Media's decision to charge makes the case for televising executions more difficult.
"Someone is selling tickets to an execution. What about selling popcorn, too?" Brill wrote in an e-mail interview.
...
"It simply become a debate over who should get to watch. Just the families of dead victims? Those injured? Which relatives? Why not everyone in Oklahoma City? Well, then why not everyone else in the country who was traumatized by the bombing?"
The court will make a decision sometime after Tuesday's hearing.
i wouldn't pay to watch it but i would watch it if given the chance.
Well yeah, presumably because the person being snuffed is being murdered as part of a planned production as opposed to 1) catching a murder on tape inadvertently or 2) filming a "legal" death as in the case of State Execution.
But apparently, snuff films just don't exist.
A federal judge late on Wednesday rejected an Internet company's request to broadcast over the Web the execution of convicted Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh.
U.S. District Court Judge John Tinder ruled that the Federal Bureau of Prisons' policy regulating the viewing of executions did not violate Entertainment Network's First Amendment rights. The ruling also applied to Liveontheweb.com, another company seeking to broadcast the execution over the Internet.
"(The plaintiffs)...seek not just to view the execution--they seek to film it and broadcast it simultaneously over the Internet so that anyone willing to pay a fee for viewing this event can do so," Tinder wrote in his 31-page decision for the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Indiana. "What these media organizations seek is unprecedented in that a live media broadcast of an execution has never occurred in the history of the death penalty in this country."
Profitting from displaying the death of anyone, even someone as repulsive as McVeigh, is just not right.
would that be more palatable?
About to be the bible for social issues.
Based on...?
Specific polls...?
As observed by...?
Representing what agency(s)...?
Gut feeling...?
Man on the street interviews...?
(Do we go this way again?)
Of course, I'd cheer much louder if the method was more....barbaric. I think that the more humane we make the act, the less sense there is in it.
As it should give anybody (the creeps) who have more than 2.5 brain cells functioning consecutively.
I view (publicly) observed executions as accomplishing nothing more than a controller's visual to what would happen if you're a "bad-dog".
Study of the french revolution went far toward forming early views on that?
If present, (as in existing), socio-political enigma requires through popularity or decree, a need to execute as punishment then swift and deliberate it should be. Making a public spectacle of executions, as a sort of compromise between opposing forces in the capital punishment debate, is inherently wrong in both logic and intended purpose of the punishment.
Tells you all you need to know about the immorality from either a religious or a humanist perspective
I don’t think that would make a difference for me. It’s not about either the victims’ families or even McViegh’s right to privacy.
It’s about not returning to a cultural era that allows a cavalier “pinic-basket” attitude about executions. The decision to allow the State to take a life is a weighty and solemn matter. IMO, it should not be commercialized into a public entertainment.
What happens if the murderer of your loved one doesn't get the death penalty? or what if he dies while on death row? No closure? Oh, the tragedy.
"Closure" is the polite psychobabble term for "Get Over It!"
But there's no such thing as "closure." Living with Loss is simply one more parade float on Life's Rich Pageant.
The only way to truly "get over it" is to die.
I'm anti DP.
But if I were one of the people who lost a family member in OKC, I'd pay to see McVeigh die.
...but only if it were a gruesome death.
I'd probably feel the same if anyone had killed my loved one.
a) The guy suffers.
b) People get to watch.
Exactly my point. Which is why I find all this national psychobabble about how the families will get closure when he dies to be quite silly. If closure only comes with the execution of the murderer, then the McVeigh victims' families are lucky, in comparison to most people who lose a loved ones to murder.
Well, that's the thing. "Closure" itself isn't bad, but it's being used so broadly that the meaning is being lost altogether. Watching the guy who killed your kids die isn't closure. It's just something you do, or don't do.
DP laws in this country probably do nothing to prevent crime, because too many of these scum attain martyrdom, or at least a measure of celebrity - which too often has way too much time to grow. Which satisfies not only their sick little narcissistic egos - but feeds that of the other scum who wish to emulate them.
If a person has committed a crime which is serious enough to be killed for, then make his life miserable: hold him 100% incommunicado; no TV, radio, or other connection with the outside world; let him never see another human being; let him sleep on a cement slab, naked...etc.
And when it's time for him to die, make it painful - the amount of pain to be commensurate with the degree of suffering he has caused -in McVeigh's case it would be hard to think of anything, but give me a few hours.
And let the only thing anyone ever hears or sees of the guy, from the minute he is sentenced, be his execution.
Mmmm-hmmm.
BTW, we usually kill them without much pomp and circumstance in AR and TX is the same way.
A little primitivism is good for the soul.
You know, I'm not sure why this is considered such a tragedy. Sure, it's gruesome. But given that it is occurring in heavily overpopulated countries--who are also prone to value men--why not? Let them be morons. In the end, won't it drive down the birth rate and increase the value of women?
In fact, a clever Indian woman would be having daughters right now, because they should be at a real premium.
I'm not questioning the fact that it is social values at the root of the abortions--that's pretty much a given. I just think it's reassuring that these countries will have their preferences rise up and smack them in the face.
I just hope that the US isn't pressured to bail them out when it happens because for all my attempts to put a happy face on it, the practice sickens me.
I would like to see some follow up reports on how much "closure" really occurs after an execution. Do they miss the victim less? Is the loss less tragic? Is the family healed and happy now justice is done? I have seen smaller scale losses in families, thorugh divorce, incarceration and accidental death, and would feel that I was a paracite if I promised these folk that venegence would make their life better. Doesn't seem to bother most politicians, prosecutors or police, though. Sure helps come election time, or annual budgeting.
Sadly, the biggest problem I see, is that most people would no recoil in horror at the carnage, and would be oblivious to the dehumanization. It would merely return us to the Colliseum. Allow it on TV, and they would eventually bring back the lions to tear the condemned apart, or perhaps gladiators.
Or, they would advance tv programs where persons are pitted one against another for high stakes in extreme conditions, further luring the audience with the increasingly real probability that injury or even death awaits the players.
That is a very good point. Yet just another main point of contention when considering the dispensation of justice within the oft loose(varied) interpretations and standards in state justice systems. For example, what makes a cop more valuable than my child? What makes the murder of a prostitute less valuable than the mayor when considering death penalties?
This inherent, and "smoked-glass" interpretation of social values really sticks a hard, cold one in my craw. Even if I were to arrive as some determination that ALL murders, no matter the relevance of the social status of their victims, be executed for their crime not for the relative "value" of the victim. I could say at this point...ya...that's sounds fair, that sounds right...until I realize that the criminal system is not perfect. The criminal system can convict an innocent person. That innocent person, could be a friend, your child,...or you. Hence if an innocent is put to death, those who pronounced sentence*, become murderers. Should they be executed? Or are they too valuable within societal ranking? Can they be given higher status, thus allowing a murder or two in the process of justice?
*The judge? The Jury? The Governor? etc..etc...
No sadly I am another.
Just back from a visit to the Chinatown Branch Library to pick up a copy of Espiritu Asian American Pan Ethnicity for my big research project.
Just outside the library on Stockton St. a massive Chinese funeral (rich MF!). As is common in New Orleans and used to be in Little Italy, the procession was led by a brass band. Here in SF the bands are Irish playing "Jesus Christ is Risen Today"
Quite a sight and probably worth a paragraph in the paper...perhaps in the intro after my opening quote from James Baldwin
The making of an American begins at the point where he himself rejects all other ties, any other history, and himself adopts the vesture of his adopted land
Absent-mindedly, the Governor took the offered pen. But in mid-signature he lifted his hand. He looked hard at his aide.
"They're not white are they?"
The aide flashed a nervous smile. "Governor, would we do that to you?" he asked.
"It's not a woman either, is it? I'm not executing any more damn women. That last one—I was getting telegrams from as far away as Bolivia," Bush complained. "What the damn Bolivians or anyone else in Europe know about law and order in Texas I can't imagine."
The aide reassured him, "Both prisoners are male, Governor. One's black and one's Hispanic. Nothing out of the ordinary."
Pacified, Bush nodded. "That's okay then," he said. In an instant the aide retrieved the signed warrants and was gone.
Brief look at one woman in Update NY who is months away from using the last of her lifetime allotment of cash benefits from the State.
This is the kind of poverty I am familiar with … rural poor. I grew up in a NY upstate county that lost 65% of its local industries during the time I went from being a middle school student to graduating.
Most people are unable to relocate, do not have access to public transportation and may have to travel 60 miles or more to get to Public Assistance offices.
Do we need to structure the rural welfare reform differently than urban?
Living in a rural area where there is no employment is a lifestyle choice, like choosing to live on an Indian reservation where there is no employment. If there isn't enough community to support her where she lives, the woman portrayed in the NYT article should move to a region where she can either support herself or find adequate community services to support her.
In other words, I would answer that the needed change is one of attitude on the client side.
Bob Bellah, a sociologist, and Bill Countryman, a scripture scholar, suggest that we look a little closer at our ideas about families, and what the Bible really says about them.
Yesterday, they shared the podium at an Episcopal seminary in Berkeley for the day-long forum, "Whose Family? Whose Values?"
More
Countryman warned the audience at yesterday's forum to "be suspicious when anyone tells you there is one vision of family values in the Bible.
"It is actually easier to talk about anti-family biblical values."
I read that article, and the one thing I was struck by more than anything was how completely unprepared that woman was for life of any sort. Again, I wonder why we aren't doing more to discourage women from having children.
That said, I was pleasantly surprised to see that the county was doing all the things I would have liked to see--including refurbishing wrecks and getting these women transportation. What did you think was the next step?
Add a "poor" before women, just to make sure I annoy someone.
I think we can assume that someone without the cash to get herself to her MacJob probably does not have the amount of income needed to relocate a family.
Sounds good to say “go where the services are” but many urban areas actively discourage “move-ins” by having 3 or 6-month residency periods before allowing access to welfare/assistance services.
Of course, that would cause other problems. As those of working age relocated to where jobs are more plentiful, the retired and the disabled would be left with little support system. As those of working age leave, the tax base and property values (already small) would shrivle. The costs of relocation are significant, particularly in the D.C. area. But the economy isn't going to get any better in the rural and mountainous areas and is only going to get worse, so why not give these people the hand-up they need to escape?
As those of working age leave, the tax base and property values (already small) would shrivle.
Yes, and did you also read the NY Times article, Whites are Minority in 100 Largest Cities
Sounds very melting pot, until you realize that this, too, means that the tax base of the major cities is disappearing as the whites (and prospering minorities) leave the cities.
Traditionally, cities offer fairly generous social services, but I wonder how long that will last as their income continues to drop?
As we continue down the path of segregating the poor by zip code, we are separating populations: those with the will to pay (cities and rural areas) from those with the ability to pay (suburbs).
At the same time, it is becoming more and more obvious that a good number of the indigent will never be able to participate economically to the extent that they'll make more than they cost to support.
It seems pretty obvious that we will need massive investments to catch the kids of these people to do the best we can to develop them into adults who can participate in some way.
But we will never do that, or want to do that, as long as the reproduction rate of the poor is unchecked.
Sounds ugly, but I keep coming back to this: reducing the birth rate of the welfare population and the indigent is critical to addressing this problem.
Not so very long ago, there were high-paying jobs in the Va. coalfields. But as the coal played-out and the mines went to mechanized long-wall mining, those jobs are much fewer in number. Nothing has come to take their place.
It's not an easy thing to relocate from an area in which a 3 bdrm house might rent for $450/month to an area in which a 3bdrm apt costs $1200/month, a month's deposit and various utility deposits. But census figures are showing a regular exodus --mostly of the young.
As for white flight from the cities, I think that at least here in the south that is entirely traceable to Brown v. Board. As soon as the ruling started to be enforced is when you started seeing families with children making the move outside of the city limits. Then, with a round of annexations, the cities tried to keep up with the moving population until a moratorium was placed on annexation.
This article really just demonstrates how arbitrary city boundaries can be.
Where are the whites moving? To the suburbs. Where are the suburbs? Right outside (or even inside) the city.
Rich white people still say they live in New York City, even if they technically live in Great Neck, Scarsdale or Short Hills. The same is true for San Francisco and Marin County, or any other city.
If we defined city by metropolitan area, rather than the antiquated city borderlines, the story would be very different.
What the article is really saying is that the richest neighborhoods are outside city limits.
If we defined city by metropolitan area, rather than the antiquated city borderlines, the story would be very different.
Well, those "antiquated city borderlines" are what taxes are paid on, so they're not all that antiquated and it's still the unattractive story, if you consider tax basis the story in question.
The same is true for San Francisco and Marin County, or any other city.
I don't know about "any other city", but no one in any Bay Area suburb says they live in the City. Of course, San Francisco is one of the cities that is actually quite well-off, I imagine. They kick out their poor, rather than their wealthy.
The issue of suburbans benefiting from city offerings (museums, theater, opera, employment) without paying for it is a real one and one that needs to be addressed. But it will never be addressed to the extent that suburbs will pay for a city's welfare population. Certainly not a generous one.
"Well, those "antiquated city borderlines" are what taxes are paid on, so they're not all that antiquated and it's still the unattractive story, if you consider tax basis the story in question."
They are antiquated in structure, if not antiquated in use. I'm sure that we both agree that many, if not most, political divisions in this country are grossly out of date.
"I don't know about "any other city", but no one in any Bay Area suburb says they live in the City."
When I meet someone from Marin on the East Coast, the invariably start out by saying that they are from San Francisco, only mentioning "Marin" after further questioning. It could be that I have met an unrepresentative sampling.
"The issue of suburbans benefiting from city offerings (museums, theater, opera, employment) without paying for it is a real one and one that needs to be addressed. But it will never be addressed to the extent that suburbs will pay for a city's welfare population. Certainly not a generous one."
That doesn't mean that status quo should continue.
And your point is . . . ?
And she's still breathing.
Sure, but that's to be polite to outlanders, since most of them don't know any of the suburbs outside the City. It happens elsewhere as well. That has nothing to do with how they identify themselves. No one in Marin County thinks of themselves as an SF resident, which is the issue.
I'm sure that we both agree that many, if not most, political divisions in this country are grossly out of date.
I'm not sure why you bring in politics.
I don't see why you think the divisions are grossly out of date. Suburbs and city living are very different and always have been. It is quite possible to argue that suburban development was a negative, but not that it is outdated.
Also, I suspect that if cities made it too expensive for the suburbans to visit, they'd just develop their own amenities. So it's arguable that what the cities offer is convenience--making it possible for the suburbs to avoid building their own. This is certainly what happened as far as employment--it used to be unheard of for suburbs to have corporate facilities, now it is completely unremarkable.
That doesn't mean that status quo should continue.
"Should" is irrelevant. What matters is what the taxpayers will pay.
Anyone who really wants to help the poor should focus on their birthrate--particularly the birthrate of people who can't afford to support themselves at all.
"Should" is irrelevant."
Anyone who really wants to help the poor should . . . "
This is why you're my hero.
I'm astonished to realize that I'm your hero. It does explain your rather unseemly attention, though.
I don't really have to explain the difference to you, do I? It's pretty obvious. I have faith you can figure out when "should" is irrelevant and when it isn't.
Message # 765
I'll bet she will figure out how to move to a city as soon as the welfare checks stop arriving at her rural address. The cities wouldn't be filling up with poor people if it was difficult to move into them.
Personally, I'm delighted to see fast-breeding Mestizos becoming the majority population. Viva los Indios. Eventually, they'll take over the suburbs, too.
(This is the best I can do with links, people.)
I read this article on Gypsies a while ago, and was left with the feeling: why continue a culture that offers such limited choices to it's people, that perpetuates poverty? Why get upset if it is vanishing? One-third of Gypsy children in Europe don't attend school regularly. Work ethics lie on some gene that is recessive, and many Gypsies live off of assistance. (Quote: "My father was very strict--he wanted all of us to work--which is very unusual for us Gypsies.") There was a picture of Gypsy children dressing themselves up as disabled beggars so they could spare-change more effectively.
Is this a viable lifestyle? (The blurb I linked to is rather sedate, as NG tends to be.)
Okay, never mind. It's the April issue, if anyone is interested.
National Geographic piece on Gypsies
Look below the posting window and see HTML hints for help. To practice, try HTML Scratchpad, a thread that isn't on the main page anymore but is still a place to doodle and play. If you need help there, just post a plea in the Cafe or N&Q.
One of First Deserted Baby Cases Tests New Law
DETROIT (AP) -- A new Michigan law allowing mothers to drop off newborns without facing criminal prosecution is being tested in Oakland County.
One of the state's first babies to be abandoned under the new so-called safe harbor law has highlighted some of its potential flaws, has a judge questioning its constitutionality and has a baby's adoption in limbo.
An excellent idea whose time has apparently not come, imo.
Lotta work and responsibility, giving up a child for adoption. This is, like, no-fault child surrender.
Hopefully, it will put a dent in the number of newborns found in trash cans, which seems to be a weekly event in Detroit.
Now, I could see that being a problem if the mother wanted to keep her kid. But she dumps her kid and the judge is saying, "We can't make this illegal because she wasn't duly informed of her rights that make this legal?"
But hey - it's Detroit.
rhetorical question: How can the adoption process move forward when there is no mention of the birth father except for the fact that nobody know who he is?
Guess so, we wouldn't want 20/20 or Dateline to suffer a shortage of "screaming child wrenched out of arms of loving family to be handed over to white trash bio-dad and his mom" footage.
Thought what I saw was excellent.
This concerning Prop 187 and the intra-Asian conflicts over affirmative action ....
Sonny Bono and The Great American Meritocracy Myth
Sounds like common sense, but this is not the current view of the dynamics involved in child abuse. There has been tremendous focus on the theory that abusive behavior is mostly a learned or behavioral dysfunction ... if daddy hits mommy or mommy hits you, you learn to hit your family. From the study report:
The findings suggest that the link between domestic violence and child abuse is not just a behavioral pattern, McGuigan said, but also a cognitive one. He says if you can change the thinking, you change the behavior.
If true, this is highly significant for it points to a possible shift in how we therapeutically treat child abusers and abused children. Cognitive therapy tends to be cheaper, quicker and often more successful in correcting and preventing specific behaviors then more traditional psychoanalysis.
That seems so totally backwards. Lack of bonding would account for negative views and a higher likelihood to abuse. Why on earth are they counting it as a symptom, as opposed to a cause?
"If you begin with the fact that most mothers love their babies, you have a starting point for improving their understanding of child development,"
I don't think that's a realistic place to begin, though. Unless they are defining "child abuse" rather broadly.
Do they ever run studies on abusers in high income familes? It seems to me the results would be "purer".
I think the weasel in the quote you mentioned was the use of the word perceived lack of bonding. I made the assumption that they were referring to mothers who think something “magical” called bonding happens and that’s all it takes to keep you from wanting to shake an infant that has been screaming for 6 hours.
Do they ever run studies on abusers in high income familes? It seems to me the results would be "purer".
Not sure. I’m still hunting around the OSU web site to find reference to the research in hopes of finding harder info.
I do have a hard time envisioning a lot of $75,000 and above income folks spilling their guts about smacking their kids to a college grad student doing research. Could just be my bias showing though (grin).
Totally agree, and I'm sure that's why there aren't many. But maybe it could be made a condition of probation or something.
Oh, do you think they meant the mother perceived a lack of bonding between her and the child? Okay. That still doesn't impress me much, but it makes a bit more sense.
I’ve only had a chance to glance at the abstract and need to sit down and really read through it.
(grin) Well, yeah, but a lot of cognitive therapy sounds like that though, yet it can be very powerful.
I'm not all that skeptical about their findings. I thought they were fairly unremarkable. I was skeptical about their "cure". I certainly don't think it will do any harm to give these women more information about baby bonding.
I just think so many of them should never have kids in the first place, and it bothers me that the continual "fix" requires more money, time, and resources for a group (low income women) that does nothing but have more and more kids. We'll never be able to get to, or save, them all.
And that's well beyond the scope of the study, obviously.
VW, thanks for that divorce link. So far it's great reading.
They answered about 60 questions about their sexual feelings and behavior before and after their efforts to change. Those efforts had begun about 14 years before the interviews for the men and 12 years for the women.
Well, that ought to do it! Clearly he researched it thoroughly.
A year ago, the Human Rights Campaign urged Spitzer in a letter to use objective physical measures to determine if his subjects were still attracted to same-sex partners. He declined...
Yeah, there’s nothing worse than objective data messing up your opinion is there?
Dr. Robert L. Spitzer, a psychiatry professor at Columbia University who led the study, said he cannot estimate what percentage of highly motivated gay people can change their sexual orientation.
What caused this change? Has he found God recently?
All this said, I couldn't care less whether someone unhappy about being gay tries to change his or her life. What I object to is false hope and using these exaggerated and unsubstantiated claims as political weapons.
But he originally spearheaded the effort to get the APA to drop it as a mental disorder, I thought. One would assume he felt differently--but maybe not.
I'm hunting around now to see what happened between 1973 and now to explain it.
I thought we were confusing to separate people but apparently we are not.
(In fairness, there are many very good ones. But the field is one of the more inexact of the sciences. Very heavy on speculation, from its inception.)
There hasn't yet been any TV coverage of this study, or anything beyond the original reports. I wonder when it will hit the pundit circuit?
Bush has declared a new drug czar. Hoo-ya.
Precisely, J.J.
What's interesting about this whole deal is that the announcement of of this "study" and serious criticism of its methods arrived simultaneously.
The "second-day story" should be how the thing was funded.
And oh what a tangled we we weave. . .
What was going on? Simple. Dat 'Ol Debbil Mid-Life Crisis. For years Gilbert, being reasonably attractive, very debonair, and exceedingly erudite, was able to score with the young, nubile undergraduates that caught his fancy. Now entering his 50's the bloom was off the rose. But for all those Grace's longing to bag Gilbert as their Will he was now ripe for the pickin'
And lo, Gilbert had sex with a woman for the first time in his life.
Well how nice for him. But rather than simply say "I guess I've been bisexual all along," or "Well this doesn't mean I'm no longer attracted to men -- this thing just happenend and I don't know or care why," he launched a whole campaign.
Haven't heard from Gilbert for some time now. . .
Classic.
I think my mother would snap if I became straight. "First you want to be a priest, then you're an atheist. Then you go to school for year after year after year, but never finish the PhD. Then it's back to Chicago just after I move away. And now you're not gay. What the hell is the matter with you? Here, have some pound cake."
Ronski -- I have discounted bisexuality in men only because that's what everybody always said to me when they were coming out. It was a stage to help them cope. "Oh, I'm bisexual." God forbid, that they were gay. Then they figured out that they were gay. And it wasn't so bad.
But I am sure there must be men who are truly bisexual. I think Cellar talked about movie stars who probably are.
The Times article I read mentioned how it was funded--I think it was his department at school. Not like it was all that expensive. Two hundred phone calls and write-up time.
David Alper, who's a major Hollywood deal-maker/lawyer (he was with New Line until recently) is bisexual. He's been married twice. He had affairs with men before his marriages, and none since. Yet he doesn't pretend his attraction for men is something he "overcame" and that "now I'm heterosexual." In other words he has a (drumroll please) sexual preferencefor women. The same can be said of Gerard Malanga of Warhol Silver Factory fame. Gerard got it on with men and women all the time. But in recent years his sexual preference for women took over. This doesn't mean, however, that he regards his gay liasons as something he "overcame."
By contrast my TT pal Steven Bradford was heterosexual in his you, but now as middle-age beckons has become -- Steven Bradford.
If you show up at Burning Man next year, Francis, Steven will be everso happy to paint your body blue and capture you with his videocam doing all sorts of delightful things.
Thereby hangs a tale.
My what a sheltered life you lead!
Most of his subjects were sent to him by pro-"cure" groups. I can't figure out how this can be acceptable as a study.
Perhaps there are truly bisexual men, though I imagine they would be very rare. But I don't know of any medical or scientific literature that records any. Until there are some studies along those lines (and I admit I'm relying on information from medical folks that is not very recent), I will not believe it. I, too, have seen men engage in homosexualtiy and heterosexualtiy in equal amounts, but I have always felt they had very strong feelings towards one sex or the other, and not equally strong feelings.
And that fact made the first graph of every story that's been written about it.
It would on the other hand be more than reasonable -- and extremely welcome -- to study bisexuality. From my experience there's an enormous amount of variance. Perhaps there's some level of commonality, but so far we've only got anecdotal evidence (such as what I've been posting) to go on.
What's interesting here is that the fact that it's flawed was delivered simultaneously with the announcement.
Still, as Cellar points out, I think the press did a fair job of debunking the stuff in their own coverage. A far cry from the day when the media automatically referred to pedophiles as "homosexuals" or, like the Times in the 50s, called gays "perverts" on its front page.
The article is insightful; I am not sure that Ehrenreich's book will do as well.
What's far more effective -- and what Ehrenreich discovers to her chagrin -- is the way the tests [employment personality tests] capitalize on unskilled laborers' craving for a sense of achievement. When, trying to persuade a sick and injured co-worker to take the rest of the day off, Ehrenreich says of their boss that "he'll take anyone who can manage to show up sober at 7:30 in the morning," the woman protests: "Not everyone can get this job. You have to pass the test." Ehrenreich explodes: "The test is BULLSHIT! ANYONE can pass that test," thereby bruising the woman's fragile pride and forever alienating her.
Having quit her housecleaning job and revealed her writing project to her fellow maids, she asks them how they feel about the owners of the posh houses they clean. One woman will admit to no more than indifference and a numb craving for "a day off now and then," while another states, "It motivates me and I don't feel the slightest resentment because, you know, it's my goal to get to where they are." Ehrenreich's efforts to stir up pro-union sentiment at Wal-Mart meets with better, but still pretty spotty, success.
...
This tension intermittently ripples through "Nickel and Dimed." Ehrenreich's image of the working poor as, in fact, simply victims of an unjust social order clashes with their need to believe that they have some say in their own fates -- and to hold the people in their lives morally accountable.
He seems to have some kind of connection with the National Association of Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH). He's quoted in a NARTH article as thanking NARTH for thier continued support.
School bans Mother's Day
Happy day all you mothers!
The winner? "Nothing". It's not scientific, but what a hoot.
And of course, notice that the only "mothers" are those who don't work. At no point do they mention this, though.
Cal, I hate to respond to a post with a bumper sticker, but
EVERY MOTHER IS A WORKING MOTHER!
No offense to you personally, but blah, blah blah to that one. I used to be polite about it, but lately it's too much trouble to condescend to the poor dears.
It's bullshit to say that taking care of your own kid is "work", and sure as hell it's true that it's no more work for a mother than a father. You really want to sit there and tell me that a chick on welfare is "working"?
A stay at home mother does nothing that a mother with a real job doesn't do as well, except provide 8-9 hours of daycare. Whoop-de doo. I'd say pay that chick $5/hour, but given she's getting free board and rent I'd say she's getting far more in recompense than she's giving.
To pretend that stay at home moms "work" is a joke. It's a luxury their husbands allow them (unless it's the government footing her bills), and in almost all cases it's a luxury they can't really afford. Most women staying at home with their kids are neglecting their responsibilities and putting their kids' financial security at risk.
I don't call that "work". But if you feel strongly about it, then feel free to substitute "those who aren't employed".
Kids grow up fast enough. The bonding that occurs between the child and caregiver, whether it be the mother or father, can not be measured in dollars and cents. There is not enough money to pay the mother or father who stays home. I don't care what
some magazine has to say about it. It might sound silly to some but bringing up a child is the most important thing any parent can do in my opinion. Personally, I do not know how a parent can turn their kid over to daycare. Having said that, I know it is a reality in today's world. I wouldn't trade one day of mothering my daughter for any amount of money.
difficult times.
I know your feelings on this already, Cal, and am not looking to argue that some mothers may be putting their kids' financial security at risk but just what "responsibilities" are they neglecting by staying at home? A woman who gives birth to a child is primarily responsible to that childs needs...are you saying she is neglecting her debt to society or something?
Her responsibility to the child. A "child's needs" includes financial security. For the past 30 years, both parents are equally responsible for their child. A woman who can't provide for her child is neglecting that responsibility--and marrying is an insufficient provision.
I should point out that there are some women who are fully capable of providing for their kids and just take off for a few years because it's fun. Likewise, there are plenty of women who work part-time or the McJobs for "supplemental income" or the more absurd "pin money" whose kids are far more at risk than a professional woman who has decided to kick back for a while. So it's not really sahm vs. working mom, but whether or not the mother can provide financially for her child, no matter what happens. I'd say a good percentage of working moms still can't provide for the children they've brought into the world.
Paul Krugman makes an excellent argument in favor of private roads, today, though he probably doesn't realize it.
Maybe he's really a Libertarian at heart.
He also probably recognized the possibility of rent extraction by monopolists supplying complementary goods and concluded that it's not so obvious it's a good argument in favor of (unregulated) private roads.
(quibble quibble) Actually it is possible (for a bare minority) to provide financially for your children, no matter what happens, and still be a SAH parent. Although I do, again, conceed your point that it IS irresponsible to make the decision that one parent stay home with the kids without planning for the possibility that the wage earner may die or leave or become disabled or unemployed someday in the future.
BTW, I say "one parent" deliberately. I have friends where the SAH spouse is Dad, not Mom and they do everything the "traditional" SAHM does.
OTOH, JJ and MsGreer, a Mom (like me) who has a job outside of the home still has to provide everything a SAHM does PLUS work. I don't think that makes me better than a SAHM, though - just more tired.
As in rich people? Sure. It is also possible for parents to work different hours so that one parent is always home. Thus abolishing the excuse that some parents "can't afford" daycare.
I suspect that a survey would show that most sah dads were fully capable of providing for their children financially without any assistance from the mother, if necessary. Fathers do consider sah-ing a luxury, from what I can see.
JJ and MsGreer, a Mom (like me) who has a job outside of the home still has to provide everything a SAHM does PLUS work.
Exactly.
Lately there has been much talk about how mothers provide some $640,000 of labor a year. Right. By daycare? Housecleaning? Cooking? Running errands?
Using those standards, almost everyone provides an enormous amount of unpaid labor every year.
Ronski just linked that, and a response in Politics.
I'm guessing that Krugman would recoil at the thought that he was supporting a libertarian argument.
There are some (albeit tiny) positive steps in the government controlled sector. I just happened to be reading the NY city revised bridge and tunnel rates this morning (how that happened, I've forgotten).
They have a differential rate for the GW bridge, giving a cheaper rate off-peak. They eliminated an all-bridges option because they realized they were subsidizing people to increase congestion.
Small steps, but at least someone is realizing that a better match of incentives with costs will help promote desirable behavior. Of course he recognizes the implications for private provision, those being rather obvious. Why would you be so presumptuous as to say he probably doesn't?
Because he used the example to make a strained slap at the administration position on conservation, when the direct and obvious analogy would be to criticize the lack of link between electricity prices and electricity costs.
He has become such a hack, that an ECON 101 conclusion is staring him in his face (as you suggest, he probably does recognize it), yet instead of drawing the obvious conclusion, he strains to make a partisan slap. Will the current strategy of throwing people in jail simply for possessing drugs work in the long run?
No.
I haven't read the ruling. For all I know, it may be the correct legal conclusion.
But it ought not to be the position of this country.
So what's the next step? Federal legislation? Is there any chance that a majority of legislators might sign on to a sensible law?
Using crack is a pretty dumb decision, but putting people in jail for dumb decisions is even dumber. (I presume)A stretch in jail tends to have major negative consequences for the economic future of an individual, on average. It is a punishment all out of proportion to the "crime".
I'll see if I can track that down and post it.
I'm not at all surprised by the Supremes' action. It will be up to Congress to make the much-needed medical exception to marijuana use.
For the record, there are certain god-awful conditions, like severe nausea in some AIDS and cancer patients, which only smokable marijuana will ameliorate, regardless of what any physician or drug warrior will tell you.
The majority of those incarcerated for drugs are also poor. Were we to cease locking them up, it would just create more problems--increased birth rate among the poor, and a lot of poor men who are generally incapable of supporting themselves.
Dusty is a libertarian, so he won't consider this a social problem. Nonetheless, I can assure you that it would be considered a social problem, and a big one. So if we made drugs legal, figure that right behind it would be another law that would make it possible to lock up a bunch of people.
I'm not saying I think drugs shouldn't be legal--I think it is irrelevant to addressing addiction, so I don't much care one way or another. But the real issue behind so many young (and quite often black) men being locked up has more to due with the fact that we have nothing else to do with a large number of very poorly raised, often abused, and usually illiterate group.
The cycle of longterm welfare is an ugly one.
He was taking a slap at an administration whose stated goal is (evidently) "getting the incentives right" but seems unwilling to take the requisite steps to make that happen.
The problems of drug prohibition are so numerous that I hesitate to get started, but I'll just hit a few major points:
1. Drug prohibition creates economic incentives for the development of black markets, which has the effect of atomizing distribution. When it isn't legal to buy something anywhere, it has a way of becoming available everywhere. This is why kids report that it is easier for them to score pot or heroin than it is for them to buy beer.
Also, fighting black markets often has a counterintuitive effect, in that every successful interdiction only strengthens the market in the long run. Imagine the government doing an antitrust action in reverse - going around and destroying competitors to Microsoft. Such action only leaves the strong stronger. Moreover, when the government actually scores what it calls a success, other unintended consequences occur. For example, destroying the Medellin cartel had the effect of atomizing cocaine production; sort of like nuclear proliferation in the wake of the collapse of the Soviet Union, the drug is manufactured in many more places, now. Another example is that, even if the government interdicts enough drugs to raise the street price, the effect is to draw more sellers into the market, because they are willing to take the risk for the extraordinary profits available to them.
2. The logic of black markets leads sellers and distributors to create more and more potent forms of their products, because when you're trading in something that's illegal to sell, it makes sense to do so. For that reason, prohibition makes drug use more dangerous than it would be in a legal market. What if caffeine was suddenly made illegal? It seems likely that you would quickly have a black market in coffee, but as coffee became too risky to transport, you would soon begin to see a black market in high-purity "No-Doze" pills. Eventually, dealers might develop other, more potent, delivery methods.
3. Black markets breed corruption. Lots of it.
4. Prohibition has led to the erosion of the 4th, 5th, 6th, 8th and, to some extent, the 1st amendments to the Constitution. Thanks to the drug war, you no longer have a right against unreasonable searches and seizures, you no longer have a right to counsel of your choice, and if your property is confiscated by the government, you have very few rights to due process.
Part of the problem here is that, as Dr. Pilon has written, where there is no measurable wrong to quantify the remedy to be sought, then just about any punishment can be justified due to simple moral outrage. Thus, while the harm to society by consensual drug use is nil, we punish drug users and dealers more severely than other criminals because we don't like them.
Another problem wrought by the drug war has been the way that law enforcement has been allowed to raise revenue and set its own budget priorities, without political oversight, by using forfeitures of drug property. This has perversely given law enforcement a stake in the profitability of the black market.
A "friend" of mine has written a Law Review article on the topic, which I recommend for anyone who is interested in learning about the distortions of policy incentives wrought by this sort of thing.
I haven't had time to read about the medical marijuana decision, but I expected this when I read the oral argument transcript. The Court seemed concerned that the Cannabis Buyer's Club lacked standing to assert a medical necessity defense. My hope is that they would be more kind to an individual patient asserting the defense.
Of course, I agree with Dr. Pilon that Congress doesn't have the Constitutional authority to engage in the drug war. If the Framers could see what we have done with the Commerce Clause in the 20th century (turning it into a general police power of the federal government), they would roll in their graves. He was taking a slap at an administration whose stated goal is (evidently) "getting the incentives right" but seems unwilling to take the requisite steps to make that happen.
I confess I'm not following all the gory details of the convoluted situation in CA. I saw Governor Davis on a talk show this weekend, and he claimed that he couldn't institute a price cap, only the Federal government could. Without getting into the idiocy of price caps to solve a supply problem, and assuming that Davis was telling the truth, I have to wonder how we got to a situation where the Federal Government plays a role in local electricity prices. Talk about micromanaging! The Federal government shouldn't be a position to take steps or not take steps in CA electricity. Why on earth should they be involved? The Court seemed concerned that the Cannabis Buyer's Club lacked standing to assert a medical necessity defense. My hope is that they would be more kind to an individual patient asserting the defense.
I haven't read it either, but I thought the gist was that Congress didn't provide for an medical necessity defense. I don't want the court dreaming up exceptions to clearly (if badly) written laws.
Congress should pass a medical defense. (Actually, they should repeal the law entirely, but in the "let's start with actions that might be feasible" mode, I'll push for that exception.) Can I assume that you give no credence to the idea that long jail sentences are not intended to simply to deter use, but also to remove drug users from society?
I'll accept that that may be part of the "thinking" behind the law, but it seems like a pretty stupid idea. Why would we want to put drug users in jail, where they are a cost to society, rather than a productive contributor to society? It is a myth that all drug users spend their waking hours committing crimes. Even heroin addicts can hold down productive jobs.
The distinction between how the defense might be asserted by individuals as opposed to the Cannabis Buyer's Club is a nuanced one.
The basis for the Court's rejection of the medical necessity defense this week was that Congress had declared marijuana to be a Schedule 1 drug that had "no accepted medical use." The Court narrowly held that medical necessity is not a defense to "manufacturing and distributing marijuana." This means that an entity may not assert the medical necessity defense as to distribution of marijuana. It does not go so far as to say that no one can ever assert a medical necessity defense.
There are a number of constitutional issues that the Court expressly did not address, such as whether Congress exceeded its powers under the Commerce Clause, and whether as applied to an individual the statute violates the substantive due process rights of seriously ill patients. What if someone discovers an herb that can be grown in the yard that, in their opinion and in the opinion of a growing minority of health professional, is an effective treatment for a serious illness? And what if a seriously ill patient chooses to grow that plant in her yard and use it to treat her illness? These are questions which were not addressed, but are alluded to in Justice Stevens' concurring opinion.
It's widely expected that when Congress renews the 1996 welfare law next year, social conservatives will press to earmark millions of dollars for marriage education, require states to end some income tests that discourage parents from getting married, and reward single mothers with cash bonuses if they marry the child's father.
I don't even know where to start…
Though the first thing that comes to mind is that given the marital history of numerous "social conservatives" I find the whole thing a bit ironic.
Second thought is, I don't think these "education" programs have ever shown to be particularily effective so why are we pouring money into them.
Third thought is, I'm aghast because I believe the State should be showing less interests in marriage and more interest in regulating legally-binding contractual agreements between people (whoever they are) who are raising children. Leave that whole marriage thing to religions and keep my government out of it.
I finally got around to reading some of the law review article you linked. Very interesting reading. Thanks.
Here! Here!
(applause! applause!)
Fascinating how the child poverty rate has dropped nationally in the same two years that the Bush Administration is saying were seeing the horrendous cost on children from the increasing scourge of single-parent families
Add me to the "hear, hear!" list. You'd think they'd have figured it out by now--they've eliminated every advantage of marriage for the children by giving it to children of unmarried couples. So why focus so heavily on marriage?
Has anyone ever studied the divorce rate of the rich over the years?
I'd go further: I believe that locking up drug dealers, in particular, deprives poor communities of their most entrepenural, risk taking members. These are the people who want to do well, are willing to take risks, and apparently have enough brains to survive as entrepreneurs in a competitive enviornment. They are the ones who grow up on the street, look around to see who is successful, and decide to get into drug dealing -- as a conscious decision. Legalize drugs and distribution of drugs, and somehow I doubt that running numbers and such will be nearly as appealing a career choice, because there isn't the huge money to be made.
Oh pooh. Most cops I know would love to see the War on Drugs end. Their jobs have become astoundingly more dangerous since politicians started using "zero tolerance" on drugs as a major election plank. Nothing like standing in front of a camera blustering on and on about the devastating effects of drugs on the community to get good coverage for the polls.
What amazes me is that enough voting Americans continue to be stupid enough to buy it.
Let me put it another way : if the governer had broken her leg and had been hospitalised for a couple of weeks, then was convalescent for a month or two, would she be expected to step down?
there is a similar example in this country involving our minister of education. No one blinked one way or the other over that.
Btw, the Norwegian PM was on leave for several months due to clinical depression. That was a year or two back.
It doesn't seem like a big deal to me. No more so than an elected official having surgery, a heart attack, etc. All of which happen with some regularity.
Somehow, I don't think Americans would react very well if one of their leaders were hospitalized for depression. But then, I've never been accused of being an optimist.
Actually, I have no idea when Germany implemented their ludicrous social programs. Nonetheless, extreme political views are still to be found over there, despite all that nurturing.
The larger point is that Wonker is a moron, of course.
And there are extreme political views in this country, Cal...that's hardly a factor.
Wonkers, there is no need to rebut. Your position is that if we adopted European social policies that all of a sudden all of our violent crime would magically disappear. Women would stay home as intended, except that the government would protect their jobs--a breathtaking contradiction, of course.
I see no problem with supporting stupid social policies--and lord knows, many of the European policies are ones that ensure their best and brightest will come to America. But let's not pretend they do anything other than protect the weak. There sure as hell is no suggestion they cut down on crime, much less fix broken teens.
No, that's the point. Wonkers says that once we have three years of childcare,all our problems will disappear! And their jobs are saved until they are ready to return to work.
I'd sure hate to be standing in that line. "Um, she'll be back shortly, I'm sure. Thanks for being patient."
Well, of course they are desperate for kids. Many European countries are. A good percentage of their productive population probably leaves town to go somewhere that appreciates their talents, rather than take all their money so some know nothing can pop out kids and take three paid years off.
But it's true that Wonkers isn't a moron. I just enjoy fussing him.
I was being flip. I'm sure there are many reasons behind the low birth rate.
And there are very talented people there so I guess not all of them run from the Fatherland.
And that makes them different from us...how, exactly?
I didn't say they all left. At the same time, it is to be expected that a percentage of those with more to contribute will leave to a place that allows them to advance.
Wonkers,
I merely pointed out that the U.S. is way behind the rest of the civilized world in terms of parental leave.
No, that's not all you did. You then said that this is what caused Columbine.
Why do you think I am comparing us and them? I just made a statement. There ARE more families in Germany with only children, I'd gladly bet. And I seriously doubt you'd fine many or indeed any with 7 or 8 kids or any women taking fertility drugs and having sextuplets or more.
Don't distract off point. You said that giving mothers 3 years off for child care would eliminate Columbine incidents and violence in general. You did not "merely" say that European social policies are different.
Statistically speaking, the number of women in this country who have 7 or 8 kids is miniscule. Any concerns we have about population are not mitigated by our enormous families.
It would have been simple enough to mention German women's fertility rates, which are extremely low. Rather than talk about "one kid per family" and fertility drugs.
Actually, you are correct. The fertility rate in Germany is 1.4—significantly lower than the rate in the US of 2.1
an excellent example of piling on... within 9 lines wonkers takes us from Columbine to teen "problems" to other unspecific societal problems problems to top 1% of wealthy having lots of power.
Well, the under 100 school assault shootings we have had since 1972(? Maybe 1976) are definitely a mystery. And they seem to have little or nothing to do with your laundry list of items with the exception that they had access of some sort to weapons.
The only similarities between the shooters in these cases is that they have all been male and they were all depressed to the point of considering suicide.
They covered the entire range of academic performance from straight A to all failing grades. They included kids that by all accounts were extremely popular to those with a very small circle of friends. They came from families that ranged from intact, loving concerned families to having been raised in foster care after being removed from an abusive home.
These boys were not universally “forgotten” by the system, let down by society, ignored by their parents or living a life devoid of family values no matter how you define them.
They were depressed and suicidal but instead of putting a gun to their own head they pointed it at others.
Finding out why these boys made that critical decision (and it was a decision for each of them) is a matter of understanding the psychological pathology of the transition from suicidal to homicidal. It has nothing to do the favorite social issue of fault de Jour.
I thought I read somewhere that they all played violent video games, too...
Some child in a neighborhood in Dayton was hit by a car last week after running a stop sign... There are many uninsured drivers... Animals are becoming extinct
...And that's why government should restrict cars to greater than 20 mpg fuel efficiency
on-topic content will be moved.
Vicki
Have you read "Ghosts in the Nursery?" I'm reading it now, it's a very interesting discussion of early childhood and the relationship between neurological/chemical pathway development in the infant brain and later violence and behavioral problems in children.
Also, Gavin de Becker, in "The Gift of Fear" makes some pretty good points about those seemingly normal families that spawn mass murderers. The reports of "normalcy" are largely self-reported, after all, or gleened from neighbors or bystanders. He says, "Gee, ya think maybe something could be going on in those homes that the neighbors aren't privy to?"
Anecdotal and hypothetical:
You (vicki) know a bit about my ss's life. Yet, if (God forbid) he committed one of the school shootings or something similar, news reports would peg him as a nice, quiet kid, good student, devoted mother and involved father.
I don't need to describe to you how that doesn't begin to tell the real story of his childhood.
1. "Finding out why these boys made that critical decision .... is a matter of understanding the psychological pathology of the transition from suicidal to homicidal." I just wanted to comment that when a co-worker of mine "went postal", he had previously attempted suicide ( about a month before this incident). The investigative and psychology teams told us they were starting to call it "suicide by cop".
2."He says, "Gee, ya think maybe something could be going on in those homes that the neighbors aren't privy to?"" I know a family where the son was putting his fist through doors and windows, and the daughter was withdrawn and suicidal -while the kids were in elementary school. However, everyone who knew the family was saying "gosh, those poor parents to have kids that must have been born with mental problems." After all, the parents were white, middle-class, college-grads, and upstanding members of the church and community. So, of course, nothing bad could possibly have been going on in the home.
Yeah. Right.
Elliot
I don't believe that there is a magic cure, or a particular event/trait/etc that all of these kids experience, that you can point at and say AHA! That's it!
But I also don't believe that people just "snap", and I'm willing to bet that in each and every case they were, in some way, "let down by society, ignored by their parents or living a life devoid of family values no matter how you define them."
I think you misunderstood me, Adrianne. I was not arguing that they are normal or not normal. I was saying that the usual demographic information that people like to latch onto as a “cause” (raised by a single mother, abused as a baby, bullied in school, etc) does not hold consistently across the pool of school assault shooters.
We can’t blame single-parent homes because many of them came from intact families. We can’t blame working mothers because some of them were raised by SAHMs. We can’t blame being ostracized by peers because some of them were relatively popular.
On the whole, I discount neighbor and schoolmate “testimony” … they not only don’t always know what is going on as you noted, but they also tend to latch onto a social factor similar to the ones above to explain what they saw as happening. The neighbors will tell you it’s because the mother was never home. The schoolmates will tell you it’s because he got peas thrown on him in the lunchroom by the jocks.
But I also don't believe that people just "snap", and I'm willing to bet that in each and every case they were, in some way, "let down by society, ignored by their parents or living a life devoid of family values no matter how you define them."
I agree with the not snapping part. These boys planned these attacks often as much as two and three weeks in advance. That by definition is not “snapping”. That is premeditated.
But each and every case does not show that they were "let down by society, ignored by their parents or living a life devoid of family values no matter how you define them.” Some of them were being assisted in every way possible (therapy, medication, etc.)
"In rising panic, culture warriors left to right indict explicit video games, television, gangsta rap music, R-rated movies, Internet images, and 'toxic culture' for causing teenage violent crime, drug abuse, sex, and unhealthy behavior."
But where is the proof of these assertions? Nowhere, quite frankly. Stats on teen violence, drinking, drug use, birth rates, etc. have been plummeting over the last few years. Yet, if you listen to the experts we are all going to hell in a hand basket and the kids are taking us there.
Did anyone read the Time piece following up on the school shooters?
I had always thought the Jonesboro killers had started the trend, but it appears to have been Luke Woodham, in Pearl Mississippi who kicked the whole thing off when he brutally beat his mother to death and then killed two classmates at school.
Well, if I were forced in to the life of being an agenda whore, I would choose one less obvious then the usual social issue suspects. I save my fishnets for the opinion that we’ve reared a generation of young people that do not have a full understanding of what the word “consequence” means.
We are living in the age of entitlements. Nothing you do will have a permanent effect on you because somewhere someplace there is someone willing to make the bad stuff go away. If parents, society, schools have let these children down, we did so by not making them accountable for their actions before the costs to themselves and others was so horrendously high.
That is why I am so dead set against charging children under the age of 16 as adults. I do not believe they have the cognitive “stuff” to fully understand the implications of their actions.
Off to read the Times article.
If parents, society, schools have let these children down, we did so by not making them accountable for their actions before the costs to themselves and others was so horrendously high.
But has that changed in any way from the past? That's not a rhetorical question. Did kids in the past have more awareness of consequences?
Specifically I see it in schools. NYS has "policied" punishment almost into nonexistence ... including a slick little rule that says punishment should not result in the child feeling ashamed.
Excuse me?!?! No shame? Exactly what is the purpose of punishment if the child does not end up feeling ashamed of their bad behavior?
I recall a teacher who was fired for making a 12-year-old stand in the trashcan because he was using "trash language" (swearing) at the teacher. The parents freaked, demanded a hearing and the School Board found her actions to harsh and terminated her. Do you remember what would have happened to us if we had called a 7th grade teacher a mother fucker?
So yeah, I am making a huge leaping conclusion. It would be interesting to see a study on it though.
No, no one in my school ever dared.
That's the sort of thing I was wondering about. I am particularly disappointed when I discover that teachers have been tolerating Spawn's disrespect. If I hear about it, he knows he's toast (in fact, when he was younger, he would say fearfully, "You aren't going to tell my mom about this, are you?")
I agree that the problem is that parents protest the behavior as harmful to their little darlings.
The problem is that the same intolerance that prohibited disrespect also prohibited differences of any sort. Protest unreasonable intolerance of difference and lose all intolerance as a result.
But intolerance per se isn't a bad thing. There's all sorts of things that we should not tolerate. Likewise, I think we need a lot more tolerance of a child's discomfort when they've done a bad thing.
We just have to find the baby and yank it back into the tub.
Judith,
Part of the problem is that kicking kids out of school doesn't accomplish anything. Don't get me wrong, I agree the lawsuit is stupid. But does drinking in school justify ruining a kid's chances at any college? Besides, it's a consequence that doesn't really have much meaning to the kid.
Why not a punishment that has some real teeth?
Why should they be expelled? Ban them from all school activities for the year. Give them detention every single day. Double their homework assignments. Make them come early to school for work detail.
PP,
She hasn't missed the point. You did.
Besides, my original post was to point out that parents actions when their little dears break the law can turn the kids down the slippery slop to thinking nothing they do has consequences.
These parents are idiots, in my estimation.
No. As vw said, most kids have very little ability to grasp the outcome of their actions. College is years away. Make them suffer now, and in ways that won't hurt their future--only their present.
I agree with you about the lawsuits, and frankly I think that parents would still sue. But part of their justification in suing is that the punishment is too extreme for the crime. And they are right. I'm not sure they would get away with that justification if the punishment was detention for the year and banning from school activities.
My kid knew from the time he was 5 that if he pulled up the neighbors daffodils, he would have to march down there with his piggy bank and pay her for them. By the time he reached grade school, he knew whatever he did was his responsibility. It was not a surprise to him, in other words.
No, if vw is correct they have trouble with it because their brains aren't fully formed. A kid's inability to anticipate future consequences isn't some new fangled development.
My kid knew from the time he was 5 that if he pulled up the neighbors daffodils, he would have to march down there with his piggy bank and pay her for them.
That is an immediate consequence. If your kid knew from the time he was five that pulling up the neighbor's daffodils meant he didn't go to college, the gardens wouldn't stand a chance.
A kid in high school is old enough to know his actions have consequences, especially today with all the movies and TV playing teenage angst all over the place....their movies and music are full of it. And those are things they really listen to.
I just wish we could reverse the process when later in life, we become as little children.
I saw some MRIs of normal brain activity and that of people with Alzheimers..it scared me to death.
They are. So a better comparison is telling your five year old that he won't get any candy six months from now if he pulls up the flowers--but until then, he'll get candy per usual.
A kid in high school is old enough to know his actions have consequences,
Unless you wish to argue that high school kids never did anything wrong until 30 years ago, I suspect you don't think that high school kids have always been a model of rectitude and good behavior. Teens often do things that make no sense to adults.
The thing with the piggy bank was that my kid had the first dollar he'd ever received...even at five, he "worked" and saved his money. Candy was not as alluring to him as money. So the punishment was very hard on him...the worst thing he could have been dealt.
I think it is idiotic to kick kids out of school--and, more importantly, make their parents suffer--when instead you can make their lives a living hell.
The larger point, that parents sue to protect their kids from the consequences of their action, we agree on.
The ability to repair damaged neurons in adults, i.e. "plasticity of neurosynaptogenesis", would alleviate much human suffering.
Just to know that ability existed would alleviate this humans worrying. :-) I truly live in fear that I will get Alzheimers and in fact, I fear having a stroke, too. I had a blinding headache a few weeks ago and it felt as though the right side of my face went numb and I was just certain I had a mild stroke but calmed down and figured it was just sinus. But it always nags at the back of my mind, when I forget a word or how to spell it or forget an author...
Congrats, Fielding...how does it feel to grab that out from under a doddering old lady who can't remember authors anymore? :-)
Yes exactly. Being kicked out of school should be reserved for the most extreme actions (weapons, death threats, brutal physical violence, etc.). Losing you chance at an education is extreme, therefore your actions should be extreme to warrant it.
Part of the problem is that over the last 20 years we have lost what used to be referred to as “Bad Boy School”. If you messed up big time, you could still redeem yourself by behaving well at Edison Tech for two semesters without falling completely behind academically … but you did it away from the general population of students and without all the general school perks (sports, band, etc.)
Now it’s an all or nothing proposition … there’s no “last chance” to help win back the kids that can be won.
Thanks Fielding … we aim to please. Or something close to it.
We have correctional schools here. In fact I had 8 students who had been to the alternative schools because of various problems...bomb threats, felonies, behavioral problems, etc. They were then re-enrolled and given second chances in public schools. Only two of them had to swtch original schools.
In my World History class, I had a punk that had made bomb threats the year prior and a guy that had stolen four cars two years prior. They had been to the Alternative School.
OF all of the AEC kids I had, only one passed my class. The rest were too busy being high, skipping, or not doing any homework. There's not enough discipline in public schools and the Y generation doesn't think in any other terms excet for immediate gratification.
I'm not sure if there is a difference between magnet and charter schools. In my area Charters seem to have less red tape county/city involvement then magnet schools do.
the Y generation doesn't think in any other terms excet for immediate gratification.
Ouch. I don't necessarily find this true for all kids. In fact many of my girls friends are tremendously goal focused and seem very capable of working long term for desired outcomes.
There's always the exception!;-)
Generally, what I had experienced in one short/looooong semester is that the younger crowd has more of a "the teacher better respect ME, if s/he wants me to respect him/her".
Coincidentally, it is the kids who have these "disorders" who commit the acts most likely to get them kicked out - if they were "normal".
So we have, for instance, the 16 y.o. kid who has made death threats against several of his classmates, including the 9th grade girl he stalked for over a year, whom the school is forced to just put up with.
The kid regularly verbally abuses his teachers, refuses to do any work, and makes threatening gestures towards the girl. He is not learning - he is taking up space and time.
But the bigger issue is, what about the rights of the kids he shares the school with?
What about the rights of the girl who was stalked, and now has to attend counseling for the effects it's had on her?
Unfortunately, he is smart enough to only make gun gestures toward the girl, or grab his penis through his pants when he sees her approaching, when no one else is around or they are not paying attention.
But now, he's off probation (although the school has filed another petition, and he will most likely be placed back on). Meantime, right up to the last week he is making everyone else's life miserable at school.
Even kids who qualify under federal guidelines for special treatment aren't allowed to commit criminal acts, and one defined guideline in AR law is verbal abuse of a teacher is pursued if reported, and there is a state policy that states if a student has been removed from a classroom twice in a 9 week period, that student can't return before a parent conference is held.
This is the question that interests me the most. I think in the drive to "educate every child" that we have forgotten that the child in question has to want an education to be able to receive one.
We can only give the opportunity to learn. How many times should we offer that opportunity to any one individual before we stop offering it because he or she refuses to take it?
The main obstacles remaining to women being considered fully equal are almost all opposed by a majority of women. It is easier to accept mild discrimination if it feels like you get something for it.
1) Are men and women equal? My answer: technically, no.
2) Are men and women (in the United States) "considered equal"? My answer: yes.
To elaborate, are they biologically identical? Of course not. If one accepts the purely materialist view of things--that we are all extremely complicated chemical processes--then obviously hormones determine much of our respective processes and the hormones in males and females are present in different quantities.
However, in terms of legal and most social "equivalence," as much as can be achieved given the obvious that men and women are not biologically equal, in the US they are for all practical purposes treated equally. Women have the advantages in some situations, men in others.
Moreover, the idea that women should prevail using only the traditionally male advantages of aggression and direct confrontation is like saying that the only way two baseball teams are equally competitive is if they both hit the same number of home runs.
Of course there are exceptions and exceptional individuals, but this is my perception of the big picture.
I hadn't seen this post and will respond to it in a bit.
Judith asked, in the Inferno:
Are you saying I'm sexist because I feel there are differences in men and women?
You didn't say that you feel there were differences between men and women. I said that there were different expectations for men and women, and you said that this was fine and dandy, despite all the feminists' whining. That this was a good thing.
Different expectations for men and women is not a good thing, as a general rule. It is always discriminatory.
You surely aren't asserting that all women are by nature more polite than all men? Unless you are, you can't say that there are differences.
You said: I know it hacks feminists but I think it's great that women are considered more civil and tactful and less brutal than men; it's not a failing in the sex at all.
How can you see that as anything other than a sexist statement? Start with that.
Legally, men and women are very nearly equal in the US. That has never been at issue, so I'm not sure why you brought it up. The issue is prejudice and discrimination, to use two loaded words.
Moreover, the idea that women should prevail using only the traditionally male advantages of aggression and direct confrontation is like saying that the only way two baseball teams are equally competitive is if they both hit the same number of home runs.
There is no "traditional male" advantage. There are behaviors. Behaviors are gender neutral, for the most part, that are more or less successful depending on the circumstance. And many behaviors are associated primarily with one gender or the other (which is what you are inaccurately referring to as "traditional male" behaviors).
The discussion point is that individuals and groups often penalize (actually or with social disapproval) a man or a woman for engaging in a behavior that would pass without comment (or active approval) if they were of the opposite gender. Individuals and groups engaging in such penalizing are sexist.
To use your analogy, it is as if one team is not allowed to hit homeruns. Can they still win? Sure. Is that the point? No.
um....
Don't you think a teacher should respect his/her students? Do YOU respect someone who doesn't respect you? Does 'respecting the students' imply to you that you let them get away with misbehaviors? Can you not both respect AND discipline?
Gosh! And here I've been discrimating against women because I've expected them to be the ones to get pregnant and breast feed! And I have yet to see an expectant father with swollen ankles and morning sickness!
I had students complain to me one time that a teacher wasn't teaching them anything, and I stopped them short and asked them if they had textbooks. They couldn't do anything about the teacher teaching, but they could learn at least something if they chose to.
Whilst perusing an old tabletalk discussion about how women are evers much more likely to get attacked/raped/catcalled than men and that this was the typical experience for chicks, I kinda wish I'd been able to inject some of these comments about niceness and women into that particular discussion. It is interesting that middle/upper class women have to be specially taught to fight back via self-defence courses while they are simultaneously the ones yelling loudest about ill treatment by men
It's been said long before now that feminism is largely a middle class concern. But is there a cutover point? Do poor women really care at all about equal rights, or would they trade rights for a stable income and true safety (as opposed to "date rape" wailings where she felt pressured to say yes.)?
I don’t think we need to frame the question in terms of gender. I think people in general will trade certain “less important” rights for “more important” needs. We see this in countries that willingly support a benevolent dictator because he keeps the food trains rolling, the lights on and the economy steady. As soon as prosperity becomes a matter of fact, then the populace becomes concerned with the niceties of other rights. Note that we did not revolt against the British until we had a pretty strong and flourishing infrastructure that fostered security, etc.
Say what you will about various Christian Missions, but they have it right. They know that the way to win the hearts and minds of people is to help them get a clean water supply, medicines for their children and irrigation in their fields FIRST.
And not all of the World Feminist Organizations are completely off the mark. Many of them are bundled up with other basic humanitarian concerns. That’s why I was so cheesed off at Curious George for cutting the funding for any organization that supplied, promoted birth control. He undercut as many programs to supply potable water, build clinics and establish work skills training all in the name of preventing someone from having a condom.
It is possible to be out with a man and not only not want to have sex with him, but also say you don't want to have sex, be very clear about it and end up having his dick in you despite it all. Date Rape isn't saying "yes" when you don't really mean it. Date Rape is saying no to a man you've agreed to spend some kind of time with but being forced into sex anyway.
This does happen and it isn't just whiny women making things up and changing their minds later. I realize that happens as well, but it doesn't negate the existence of actual Date and Aquaintence Rape.
I just don't think you need to be doing all this in the name of women. But I do agree that cutting funding is idiotic--even if all they did was abortions, that'd be a step in the right direction.
If you didn't beat the shit out of him, kick, scream, violently resist, pull his hair, make it clear that she didn't mean "No, unless you really want it" but "NO", then how is it rape?
So I must have the shit beaten out of me as well as have unwanted sex in order to assert my rights over my own body?
That's ridiculous.
That's like saying burgurlars shouldn't go to jail if you don't try to stop them in the act.
Cashiers confronted during a holdup must be shot in order to press charges for robbery.
Did you scream your lungs out? Shriek? Struggle the entire time? He pinned you down? Fine, it's rape.
There's no in between.
Bubba,
Try and make your analogies a bit more accurate. If a guy came up to a cashier, said "Give me all your money" and the cashier did so without protest or resistance, the bank would not be blaming the "robber".
NO means no. No one has to bite, kick or scream in order for it to be called rape. What is it about No people don't understand? It seems very clear to me. And even if a woman is making out with a man if she says no to intercourse, that is it. Any further attempt on a woman is a total violation of her body and constitutes rape.
Gun? What gun? Ain't no gun in my scenario. Nor is there one in a "date rape".
Judith responds about the "robber" having a gun...sorry, I guess I was daydreaming.
I don't understand what you're saying. I described what would be an equivalent analogy and I meant "a guy", not a man with a gun.
Forget it; I was off topic.
But the subject is someone complaining of rape when there was no force, no threat, nothing other than them saying no and then going ahead and having sex with no other protest. An analogy is a guy walking up to a cashier and saying, "Give me your money".
I've worked as a cashier and we were instructed not to resist and to hand over the dough. In the case you describe, it would be a robbery.
I used to work for a bank and have held several cashier positions and it is S.O.P to hand over the money. At the bank they explicitly state to you that you shall also comply with a note-passer who does not show you a weapon or even claim to have one.
Banks are insured against theft but they cannot replace an employee's health or life.
There are several drugs and even alcohol can render a person unable to protect himself or herself from physical assault. Additional pressures like being left in the middle of nowhere or in a dangerous area can also play a part. It's also important to remember that most people are not trained in physical self defense. The average 12 year old boy has already attained the same upper body strenth as a full grown woman. It doesn't take all that much to subdue someone weaker than you who is totally unprepared for your assault.
You should not have to sacrifice your personal safety or health in order to prove that you were unwilling. I'm not saying that you absolutely shouldn't fight back. I think you SHOULD, but I don't think whether or not you fight someone who is assaulting you should mitigate the fact of their assault.
But the subject is someone complaining of rape when there was no force, no threat, nothing other than them saying no and then going ahead and having sex with no other protest.
There are a lot of qualifications here that you did not state up front. If this is how you define date rape then you are in a minority. If there is no physical force and no threat of repercussions for not complying then a person in full posession of his or her faculties should not claim rape because that ain't it.
Cal: It is an issue for some, even if not for you; the reason I brought it up was your phrase "obstacles remaining to women being considered fully equal are almost all opposed by a majority of women," which obviously implies some barriers remaining to full equality exist. That removing them can be opposed by a majority of women to me implies something involving a vote or issue of legality.
If you intended just social "prejudice and discrimination," however, I said "legal and most social 'equivalence'" just to cover all bases. As an aside, putting resources into removing prejudice and discrimination in the individual seems to me to have a poor cost-benefit ratio.
There is no "traditional male" advantage. There are behaviors. Behaviors are gender neutral, for the most part, that are more or less successful depending on the circumstance.
One circumstance is the agent employing the behavior. I suggest that Shaquille O'Neal employing an aggressive behavior vis-a-vis Karl Malone will more often be productive than a similar behavior employed by Chamique Holtzclaw.
Traditionally (i.e., historically) in human society physical strength has been an important circumstance to have on your side and such a circumstance more often falls to a male than to a female. Circumstances change, however. That brains have grown in importance versus brawn makes women more competitive versus their male counterparts. Nonetheless, the biological disposition toward greater strength in the male of the species has not changed, making it no more productive than in the past for a female to base her competitive strategy on physical aggression now than in the 5,000 years previously.
We don't evolve that quickly.
Ha! I forgot about employee lawsuits when I said the bank wouldn't count it as robbery. Okay to that one, but I still am amazed that the cops go along with the notion that "Give me the money" with no hint of a threat or violence is a crime.
After this gig ends I'm going to work in a bank and have Spawn walk in with a note. We'll fund his college education.
But even banks have videotapes, so it's not just a matter of his word against hers. This also means that the bank and the investigators have a picture of the robber and would know if there was any collusion with the employee. So that's probably why they do it, since they'll catch a number of employee thieves.
If there is no physical force and no threat of repercussions for not complying then a person in full posession of his or her faculties should not claim rape because that ain't it.
If there is physical force or threat of repercussions, then there is no need to call it "date rape". It's rape. That's what I've said. It is either rape or it isn't rape. The fact that the victim knew the assaulter is irrelevant if there was violence.
But your original description, the one I quoted, made no mention of violence, threat of violence, or anything else. If the woman said no, was not threatened in any way, and then did not resist further, I can't see how that is rape.
5,000 years ago, no. But once civilization started, I doubt it. The role of the short smartass has been around for many centuries.
That the situation has changed recently matters for individuals, but cannot have yet impacted the species as whole to any significant degree.
No doubt.
Nonetheless, the biological disposition toward greater strength in the male of the species has not changed, making it no more productive than in the past for a female to base her competitive strategy on physical aggression now than in the 5,000 years previously.
This is certainly untrue as a blanket statement; it is extremely productive for women to be aggressive now, in many situations. As has ever been the case for men, it depends on the situation.
And yes indeed, we weren't talking about physical aggression. But the statement holds true either way.
Actually, since I can never remember when "civilization" started, I'll clarify: the smartass has been around since civilization started. Whenever that was.
And I'm amazed that you expect a lowly employee to challenge a robber, demand to see a gun, or anything else. There's no employer I'd be willing to do that for, and I certainly wouldn't do it for the amount of money I earned as a cashier, desk clerk, etc.
I was involved in two different investigations after robberies at the bank and believe me it's not any way that I would try to make a buck. The questioning is relentless and the intimidation factor is extremely high.
If there is physical force or threat of repercussions, then there is no need to call it "date rape". It's rape. That's what I've said. It is either rape or it isn't rape. The fact that the victim knew the assaulter is irrelevant if there was violence.
I didn't see where you made this distinction or, rather, state that you see no distinction. In great part I agree with you: Rape is rape whether you know your assailant or not. The term came into use to dispell the myth that rape is only something that happens when a stranger jumps you with a gun. It was meant to offer recourse to justice for those who had been marginalized because they knew their assailants.
I disagree with you that rape only occurs when violence is used or threatened.
But your original description, the one I quoted, made no mention of violence, threat of violence, or anything else. If the woman said no, was not threatened in any way, and then did not resist further, I can't see how that is rape.
You left out some important qualifiers from what I said:
It is possible to be out with a man and not only not want to have sex with him, but also say you don't want to have sex, be very clear about it and end up having his dick in you despite it all. Date Rape isn't saying "yes" when you don't really mean it. Date Rape is saying no to a man you've agreed to spend some kind of time with but being forced into sex anyway.
I do not anywhere state or imply that the victim is "not threatened in any way". I simply did not give a list of the ways in which someone can be forced or threatened.
I wasn't thinking so much of the employee as I was of the cops in that statement. The fact that banks allow it because of employee lawsuits is one thing, but that doesn't mean the cops have to consider it a crime. But maybe the law is defined as it is in airports--even a joke is treated seriously,and you (the guy asking for the money) are liable.
Originally, my sarcasm at the analogy was because of the problem inherent in believing the employee--which was, after all, the comparable issue. If there is no note stating that there was a gun, no threat of violence, how would the bank and the cops know that the employee was telling the truth? I presume that's where the video camera comes into play, which is what I hadn't thought of at first.
So my altered analogy is just as invalid as bubba's original, for all the reasons pointed out.
But consider: if a woman did have a video record of an incident, in which she and a guy were making out, and she said no once, mildly, and then they kept on having sex, with no physical resistance or any complaint at all. Would you vote to convict?
Fair enough. But I think the point you are missing is that in many campuses, date rape is defined as a woman who felt compelled to say yes, or didn't explicitly give consent, who wasn't physically compelled in any way.
I think what you are referring to is "acquaintance rape", isn't it?
Aquaintance Rape and Date Rape are really pretty much the same thing. Date Rape as a phrase came first because girls who went to parties with boys or out on dates were coming forward and pressing charges of rape, but Aquaintence Rape is really a better description because it encompasses the vast majority of rapes and doesn't make the false assumption that you must be out on a date or actively encouraging a man to a more intimate relationship.
What reasons are you thinking of for her feeling compelled but not physically compelled?
Ask any college campus feminis organization?
I'd still like to know what reasons you were thinking of for a woman feeling compelled but not physically compelled?
Being passed out drunk in a frat house is a dumb situation to have gotten yourself into, but it doesn't mean that the train of boys who lined up to fuck your unconscious body did so with your consent.
Even being conscious but too drunk to protect yourself from an unwanted sexual encounter is no excuse for the assailant. With the availability of drugs like Rohypnol you don't even have to drink to be incapacitated.
Women aren't generally charged with rape because so many people insist that all sex is good sex as far as men are concerned----even guys who've been taken advantage of by women. The other issue is that it's hard to convince anyone you were raped if your dick got hard enough to complete the act. Understand that I'm not saying it couldn't or doesn't happen, I'm just saying that it's harder to charge and prove for many reasons.
Here is a picture of me, from late April:
Thanks for the banners, but they really need to be linked rather than posted in this thread. They're too graphic to just leave sitting here. You may not have been around for this discussion earlier but there should be no frontal nudity and certainly no penetration shots posted.
As for your second topic it really belongs in Social Issues unless you sustained those injuries during a wild bout of sexual play.
I like how nonchalant you are about those pictures. Women are always nonchalant about men getting beaten up. Matter of fact, they usually think it's kind of funny.
I appreciate you telling me where to put those pictures despite the fact that you don't know how I got those bruises and aren't even bothering to ask. However - if khaval's idiotic rants and unfounded generalizations about rape in Israel belong here - so do these pictures.
What happened to you??? *Why* do you you have a black eye, cut lip, cheek and forehead?
Please don't tell me this was from shrapnel??
No, but I must say I did get a loan from my bank in Tel Aviv because the ladies there thought it must have been something to do with the Arabs, and I didn't bother to correct them (I really needed the money).
T'was my wifes' son Steve did this to me - after due instigation and incitement by his mother, of course.
In any event you can't blame your wife for what her son did to you. No matter how she cheered him on.
I assume you didn't see Message # 4164 when you posted Message # 4165.
CalGal:
It's still not on topic. Go to social issues if you want to bitch about inconsistent standards between men and women.
Your mother's not on topic.
You're right; I didn't. I am a very slow, self-taught typist and was writing my post even as others were reading yours...happens to me a lot.
happens to everyone, actually...
Naaaaah, couldn't be that.
I remember that, up until about 20 years ago, about the worst thing you could call somebody was a mofo. Doing so would surely earn you a trip on the Knuckle Express. Nowadays, even the worst curse words routinely pepper the conversation of many 17-year olds (woman included). So far, nothing new. But here comes the observation.
Today, if I want to insult someone, I use words like "dishonorable" and "unethical". I've only had occasion to do this a couple of times but it had a devastating effect. I'm pretty sure that if I had used the standard ten-letter epithets (so powerful way back when), they would have shrugged it off and just thought, "what a jerk". But impugning someone's integrity really put them through a change.
Does this resonate with anybody else? Why has this transposition taken place? I have an idea but I'd like to hear what you guys think.
I really am sorry for what you're going through right now. I don't know what else to say but that, and that I hope you manage ok. I've been thinking about you and will continue to--not that it's worth much in your situation, I know.
Aytch,
A lot of words lose their punch as people get older but also, of course, as they become more frequently used. Do you think it's your perspective due to your age that's changed or the times and the overuse of the words? I ask, because fwiw, from my obsevation as a h/s teacher, m-f will still get you a knuckle sandwich whereas something like "you're unethical" will get a "huh?" not because they don't understand the term, but it doesn't register for them as an insult of the type to provoke a fight as it might in an adult.
[several disorganized responses...]
That's interesting. I'm surprised to hear that kids today still get exercised when called a mofo. I'm not sure I understand why when the word and all its cousins are used constantly.
As for the integrity side, perhaps it's situation-dependent. I'd never use 'dishonorable' in an impending street-fight scenario because it's meaningless. But in personal (and angry) discussions about leases and billing errors and such, it really seems to have an effect.
As for my perspective, I'm inclined to think that, for all of us, the fighting words of yesteryear (whatever they are) would retain their punch.
Finally, it's still situation-dependent of course, but I'd think kids today would still be sensitive to the honor issue. Seems like, for most kids, honor and "rep" would be awfully important. It sure seems to be for the organized gangs.
Still haven't sorted all of this out.
I'm sure that's it. Kids don't cuss in front of teachers (generally--heh), so when I hear m-f batted back and forth it's escalating quickly to a serious fight (those are really fun to break up by the way--two six-foot-plus guys chest to chest), unless I happen to walk by a casual conversation before I'm noticed, where that stuff is a standard part of the dialogue--not calling eachother that, though.
When we were all about 12, you could get into an argument with another kid and say things like "Your mother slept with the entire high school football team". This would have little effect because everybody knew it wasn't true. But say that his mother slept with somebody else's father (a somewhat less serious charge in principle) and you'd be duking it out because it could conceivably be true. Funny how that works.
That the sensitivity (perhaps more so in older humanoids) toward an integrity insult stems from the increasing transience in society -- less stable families, more moves, knowing fewer neighbors, etc. A sense of honor is one of the few remaining foundations a person can base his self-esteem on. Thus, a challenge to that esteem is particularly serious.
But I'm still evaluating that one.
As a corollary, it seems people are increasingly strident about celebrating a victory (sports or otherwise) in one's face. Perhaps another means of bolstering that self-esteem.
It doesn't sit well with me that women have to be brash, to a degree, to fend off the potential rapists. Maybe that's not quite it. I know too many women that are just seeming to lack some sort of warning device in their guts. Terrible assholes can fawn all over them and they think the guys are "being nice". To me, these guys have big red warning lights spinning around on their heads. I don't know why they can't see them.
I'm a quiet, polite type of person, and physically on the small side, and also pretty in a young, cute kind of way, but I've never been or felt like I was some sort of target. But then again, I've never been in a school where the guys outnumbered me 10 to 1. Plus I live in New England, not the Middle East.
I am wondering how I can be sure my daughter has that warning device implanted in her gut, too. (I know it's not fail proof, but I do think it helps.)
You see, this is precisely what Khaval has achieved: portraying Israeli society as a place where rape is more common than elsewhere. I know of absolutely no evidence or statistics to this effect. Khav doesn't claim to know of such evidence or statistics. She just felt like saying it, basically, so she did.
Are you a Femmie too? What is the next humiliation I am to suffer in this forum, which I must admit I am growing sick of?
The fact that they aren't on now is irrelevant, since the posts were moved much earlier today. If it wasn't Francis or Cellar then it was a moderator, since they are the only ones who can move posts other than the hosts.
The posts weren't even remotely, much less reasonably, linked to the thread topic.
The missing posts were moved to Social Issues. I must say I don't recall ever seeing such a knee-jerk censorship move wrt posts that were not directed against anyone else on the Mote, contained no profanity or pornography or anti-semitic or racist element. These were very personal posts on a very personal and painful subject.
Rustler,
Did you apologize to your children?
Re: female domestic violence against men. Yes it occurs and it occurs at a higher rate then is reported. And yes the Capital F feminist organizations like NOW tend to just give the problem minimal lip service. But there is a growing movement in many of the Neo-Feminist groups to drag the ugly little secret of wives beating husbands out into the light.
Having said that, I would like to note that though it is wrong that RustlerPike was on the receiving end of the fist that made those bruises and he has my sympathy for being a victim of an attack, it was NOT a woman that inflicted these wounds. The reality is that men perpetrate most violence against men, as was the case in RP’s unfortunate situation.
Female inflicted domestic abuse follows a very specific pattern of behavior … mucking up the discussion with an example of more “traditional” (though no less painful) male against male physical violence seems counter-productive to the discussion of female inflicted domestic abuse.
Which is why my focus is on the kids who Rustler says saw the fight, and Rustler's role as their father. Did he apologize to them for hitting their brother, and accept responsibility for the fact that not only shouldn't they have seen it, but he (as the far older male and their father) might have done more to prevent it from happening?
It's interesting to note that in America, this particular incident could have easily ended any chance for Rustler having custody (or even visitation) of his kids. I'd like to think the odds aren't as good lately, but wouldn't bet on it.
This fight occurred in the family home, between a father and stepson with the wife and other children in attendance. Do I have that right?
Well RP, they are welcome here. If not too personal … what were the consequences of this event? Is the stepson still in your home? Are you still in the home?
My beautiful black wife realized when she set foot in the Middle East that this was Girl Country. She has been behaving dreadfully ever since, but continued to proffer her wondrous pink pussy every night, all wet and shiny, to me and me alone, and cook my meals - so I let things slide and hoped things would improve.
Now, however, her incitement and scheming has resulted in a fistfight between me and her 17 year old son, Steve (can't bring myself to call him mine no more). He is stronger than me, largely because I haven't gotten around to building my body from the shambles my childhood left it in (long story), while he has been doing nothing but building his body for the past few years, with me footing the tab and taking him to practice twice a week, etc. So I wound up a lot more bruised than he did.
Quite a traumatic experience, humiliating too, getting the shit knocked out of you. He had my head in a vice and hammered away at it again and again. I was down on the floor and he kept at it.
Following this incident - which occurred in front of our small children and could have ended up much worse (we both fell on the kitchen cutlery drying stand - that may account for the cuts we both suffered) my wife came home and immediately proceeded to take the dirtbag to the police station, to try and get me incarcerated. Our neighbors, another Kikuyu-Israeli couple (I was looking for Kikuyus to be Anna's friends and guides when I brought her to Israel, and found these guys. That's how we got to know Katzir, and that's why we wound up moving here) accompanied them and pulled some strings to the same effect (get me arrested).
Happily, my heroic struggle to save Katzir from annihilation by the Arabs has resulted in me having some strings to pull too. So I managed to avoid being jailed (you should have seen me - I was a bloody, seething pulp). The police guys tried to convince both sides to drop charges, threatening both of us with being arrested as the alternative.
I dropped charges gladly: the dirtbag is a minor anyways, technically (though not biologically: we changed the date on his birth certificate when I got him enrolled in the SOS school at Eldoret - the first school he went to that had panes in the windows). They scared him with the prospect of not being able to serve in the army, get a job etc., so he dropped charges too.
The consensual decision was that Steve would sleep out of the house that night. He hasn't slept there since. At a certain point his mother and her pussy joined him. To the extent that I think of her sexually any more, it is not her pussy that I fantasize about ramming.
While I accept as a given that she is a cunt on wheels (after all, RP says so), there's nothing all that unusual about calling the cops to report an adult beating up a kid, and in the eyes of the law, as RP points out, the son was a kid.
The cops behaved fairly reasonably, under the circumstances.
I know Rustler brought it up, but I think things are very difficult for him at the moment, and it doesn't help anybody to rake over the the burning coals of what was, by any account, a truly horrific and traumatic incident.
I think that is pretty universally the law here in all 50 states now ... if there are marks someone is going to jail ... if everyone is marked, everyone gets arrested and they let the courts straighten out who started what. Which is what it sounds like happened in RP’s situation.
You’re right Cal … sounds reasonable to me.
But ignoring it made him very angry; after all, it proves we don't care.
Look, I think Rustler knows we give a shit and that we don't want him to get hurt and that we aren't ignoring him.
I just reckon it's better that emails are exchanged to discuss things.
I tend to respond to personal stories based on whether or not there is an issue I feel strongly about. For example, in both this case and Jen's case I mentioned the children involved, and how they were being harmed.
You're from TT, aren't you? Personal experience discussion is far more common there than it is here, actually.
And people do talk about personal stuff, but really not that much - actually, less than they do here. But that is in the International folder. I never ventured beyond that (except for a brief obsession with the "cats" thread) into the other folders where maybe there was more personal revelation.
But where I was, no one revealed anything as personal as has been revealed here in the last few days.
Look, I'm not saying that personal stuff has no place here. It's just that this is such a sensitive and painful event in the life of someone who may or may not have posted in anger and who now, may or may not regret it.
In TT, there is a delete button. Here, there isn't.
As far as personal info revealed, you must not have frequented the same threads I did. But in any event, Rustler talked about it, demanded feedback, and that's how it works.
I'm not sure what I'd do as far as calling the cops if I discovered my ex and my son fighting, but I know that I would hold my ex completely responsible in all but a few remote circumstances. I can't think of anything that Spawn might do that would be so horrifyingly awful that it would outrage the ex to the point of attacking him, but that would truly be the only thing I would excuse. Anything else, my ex is in serious shit. That doesn't mean Spawn wouldn't have a miserable existence for a long time, but the person primarily responsible would be my ex.
Post 1131 moved accidently (sorry, it's been a long day) I'll see what I can do to get it moved back.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: (NCJ-145325), January 1994.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: (NCJ-145325), January 1994.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Sex Differences in Violent Victimization, 1994 (NCJ-164508), September, 1997, pp. 1-3.
American Psychl. Ass'n, Violence and the Family: Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996), p. 10.
Parent's Sex May Be Factor in Citizenship, Court Rules
"There is nothing irrational or improper in the recognition that at the moment of birth – a critical event in the statutory scheme and in the whole tradition of citizenship law – the mother's knowledge of the child and the fact of parenthood have been established in a way not guaranteed in the case of the unwed father. This is not a stereotype."
Right.
"Indeed, the majority's discussion may itself simply reflect the stereotype of male irresponsibility that is no more a basis for the validity of the classification than are stereotypes about the traditional behavior patterns of women,"
O'Connor wrote the dissenting opinion, joined by Souter, Breyer, and Ginsberg--which means, I guess, that usually liberal Stevens let his old fogie side rule.
Still, I'm not sorry I brought the subject up. It's good to test the waters once in a while and see if the crocodiles are still there. They are - and they're quite nervous, it seems.
A discussion on whether women are expected to be more polite than men gets a home page link: but when a man tells the forum how he was beaten up by his wife's son, at his wife's behest - the immediate reaction is rrrrufff!!! Take it elsewhere - NOW!!! (not even a polite 'oh my god - are you OK?' first). Then the posts are removed, with amazing alacrity.
Then CalGal, a creature who seems to be universally despised here (I didn't hate you till now, CG, but you really are a sick puppette, it seems), proceeds to tell me what in fact happened to me in my house: I was not beaten up - I beat up the other guy. I was not on the floor and he wasn't punching me, he is not much stronger than I: it's the other way around. Why? Because it is, goddammit!! I am not the victim - and basically, according to the Mote's Femmunist cadre, I deserve to lose custody of my kids because I beat up my wife's son (I must have done that - a witness from California says so. Those photos I posted were obviously doctored).
CG immediately tells us what my wife's angle on all of this is. She knows this, somehow. And she expects me to apologize for what happened ('sorry kids: your mother got her son to beat me up. My bad. You can't see me anymore except when CalGal says. I'll be in jail if you need anything').
And everybody is OK with this, basically. Except Pelle, who is (somewhat faintly) not OK with it.
Gross.
>>>
Btw, CG, guess what: not only was I not arrested, I didn't even leave the house (my wife did - sucker!!!!) and I got to keep all of the appliances and stuff. And I see the kids every day. And they sleep over half of the days. And they eat dinner with me every day. And they love me a lot and think their mom's a grouch, while I'm a load of fun. And my wife's new house is just 70 meters away from mine. And I get them to sneak over to my place even when they're supposed to be at hers, and when she tried to stop them they abused her so badly she had to give in.
Hard to believe, eh? What is the world coming to? Can't anyone do something about this? Arrest this guy!!! Quick!!!
Your punishment, femmies, is this: I will stay in this thread and make your lives miserable. If you try to delete any post I make, or change the name of the thread, or retire the thread, or do anything like that in order to stymie my anti-Femmunist crusade, I will leave The Mote and never, ever return.
Trust me, you don't want that to happen.
I have spoken.
Is that a promise?
Though I am always amused when all in one day I am be called a conservative male apologist AND a member of the "Femmunist cadre". You people really need to get your idealogies straight.
Thanks Cal for the link … I haven’t been keeping up with the news during the moving hooha.
Seems to me that if Kennedy really meant what he wrote that the only additional step a man would have to take to guarantee citizenship for his OOW child would be a paternity test. Establishing paternity certainly creates “the fact of parenthood” as clearly as being the woman that delivered the child. I don’t know why that should be the “first of several” additional steps a man has to perform.
You really are a tad delusional. Well, more than a tad, given your entirely inaccurate rendition of what I said. I was speaking only of the legal perspective. While I spoke of how I would feel, I did accept entirely, for purposes of discussion, your version of your wife's, er, cuntishness.
I'm glad that you get your kids half the time; I think that's excellent. I was referring to what could most likely happen in the States--and not with approval, either. Fortunately, Israel's attitudes towards women are apparently so backwards that in these areas they end up being fairly progressive. Good on you.
However, your kids "abusing" their mother is extremely unhealthy.
You didn't answer my one question: Did you apologize to your children for hitting their brother?
Dad's are usually the disciplinarian in the family so seeing dad swat a kid is fairly normal. However, I can only imagine how confusing it must have been for the other kids to see this Steve guy just turn into a beast.
Kids are not stupid, they know when parents plot them against the other. I'm sure that they know that mom and Steve are in it together.
What a horrible situation. I think that the mother should be ashamed for using Steve as her lynchman, and I think that Steve has some serious problems with respect and authority.
No wonder that CalGal identifies with the kid.
Anyway, that Rustler didn't fight back but merely tried to protect himself (the cops obviously sensed this and that he posed no threat to the other kids) tells me that this was a situation in which Rustler was the victim.
I don't identify with the kid.
Anyway, that Rustler didn't fight back but merely tried to protect himself
Where do you see that? He described it as a fistfight. At no point did he say that the kid attacked and he just defended himself. He wasn't able to fight back, because the kid was bigger and stronger than him, but I see no mention of him looking to either avoid it or prevent it. In fact, he doesn't even describe how it began. Do show me where he described it as self-defense, perhaps I missed it.
I think that the mother should be ashamed for using Steve as her lynchman
The mother wasn't even there at the time, you do realize? I accept it as a given that she's scum. But I find it odd that you would chastise Steve for having a problem with respect and authority while simultaneously chastising him for supposedly doing his mother's bidding--what is that if not respect for authority?
Kids are not stupid, they know when parents plot them against the other. I'm sure that they know that mom and Steve are in it together.
Depending on the kids' age, they know no such thing. And frankly, it doesn't matter whether the kids know it or not--as an adult and as their father, Rustler can accept responsibility for exposing them to the violence.
Given the fact that both parents have already raised all their kids to abuse Mom and Dad when they disagree with them, I'd say it's too late to start fixing anything now. But it is rather amusing (in a comically tragic sort of way) that Rustler gets angry at Steve for abusing him but apparently approves when "his" kids abuse their mother.
If a girl came swinging at me and beat me to a bloody pulp, whether or not I even got one punch in, I'd cal it a fist-fight. If one is not able to fight back, one is probably more concerned with defending ones self. You know, trying to stop the punches landing, covering the face, etc. etc.
Rp is the father of the house and has provided for the family, he is in the ultimate spot of authority there. That Steve could turm against him to fight him (with the help of his mother's influence and provocation) definitely shows a problem with respect and authority.
as an adult and as their father, Rustler can accept responsibility for exposing them to the violence.
CalGal, do you not remember a few short months ago when I criticized you for talking trash to a 13 year old claiming that you had responsibility to act as the adult in that situation?? Yeah, that one.
You went mental on me and defended yourself and your actions. So, how you can critiicize Rustler for exposing them to violence (which is bullshit by the way, Steve is the one who turned it into a physical altercation), and defend your own actions when you expose 13 year olds to inappropriate language and mental and verbal abuse is a mystery to me.
Also, I think it is inherently natural that parents feel a secret tickle or amount of vindication when kids side with them. If Spawn were to someday agree with you that your former wife-beating husband was a jerk, you'd agree.
And if you got even one punch in and it was a minor, you might have a lot of explaining to do. But in any event, you said confidently that Rustler was only acting in self-defense. For all you know the kid punched Rustler, Rustler punched back, and then the kid beat Rustler to a pulp--and that wouldn't be self-defense now, would it?
Rp is the father of the house and has provided for the family, he is in the ultimate spot of authority there. That Steve could turm against him to fight him (with the help of his mother's influence and provocation) definitely shows a problem with respect and authority.
Actually, it could show any number of things. But if it is as Rustler says, it certainly shows a kid who believes and loves his mother more than his stepfather. Probably not a love or belief that is deserved, but that's another story. Oh, and keep your nonsensical thumper notions out of this. If we're going to talk American standards here, a mother and father are equally providers and authority figures in the eyes of the law. Rustler can't expect to be treated as superior to the mother just because he foots the bills. He might like a world like that, but them's the breaks. If we're not talking US standards, then please proffer your expertise on Israeli social norms.
CalGal, do you not remember a few short months ago when I criticized you for talking trash to a 13 year old claiming that you had responsibility to act as the adult in that situation??
Yes, I do. Never mind that you'll never be capable of understanding my point in that discussion, I'll keep it simple: Do you understand the difference between an adult and a parent? Rustler is a parent. He has far different responsibilities. Your ignorant comparison of this with our previous discussions suggests that you aren't quite clear on this difference. Hopefully, you'll get it straightened out before you get knocked up.
If Spawn were to someday agree with you that your former wife-beating husband was a jerk, you'd agree.
No, I wouldn't, and the depth of your ignorance here is truly nauseating, precisely because there are so many parents who agree with you that it is "normal" to turn their kids against their parents. Disgusting.
Like it or not, men have a special place in the household. One that is usually associated with the discipline and authority in the family. This does not mean that women do not share in the reposnsibility -- I never said that. Nor did I interject any thumper notions. Nice try to divert the direction of this conversation.
If a person swung at me, there would be a high possibility of me swinging back out of self-defense and instinct. If my 17 year old muscled up stepson swung at me and punched me, you can bet your ass I'd defend myself.
I don't care whether or not Steve prefers his mom, what he did by hitting his stepfather was unacceptable and I think that Steve has problems. I also think that his mother should be ashamed for provoking him to act that way with Rustler.
I understood what you did in TT and what surprises you is that I still disagree with your verbal abuse tactic with a 13 year old. It's easy to understand.
Hopefully, you'll get it straightened out before you get knocked up.
Very vulgar CalGal. When I do get "knocked up", I promise to not to do it with a guy who beats me, like you chose to do. Nor will I park my son in front of a computer all day while I "work" in chat rooms all day like you choose to do. Nor will I try and preach what's healthy from a warped pov, like you try to do.
That is a thumper notion, for the most part.
Hitting someone back is not self-defense, as a general rule. As vw points out, if both people are marked, both people get arrested.
I don't care whether or not Steve prefers his mom, what he did by hitting his stepfather was unacceptable and I think that Steve has problems.
Oh, I'm quite sure Steve has problems. His parents have guaranteed it. And hitting his stepfather is completely unacceptable even without your garbage about daddy being the head of all that is good and proper. That's not what is at issue here, though. What is at issue is whether or not Rustler had any reason hitting back, and whether or not he should apologize to his own children for hitting their brother.
But as I've said, those two have apparently already fucked up their kids pretty badly, so I'm sure the kids are "way to go, dad! Beat the shit out of Steve!" A bit late.
Several years ago, a girl assualted me and I hit her back. She was arrested, not me. It's called self-defense.
I think what all of this conversation boils down to is that you don't like Rustler and so you refuse to empathize with his pov. Instead, you are more interested in blaming him and siding with anyone else.
You do the same thing in the other threads.
"Very vulgar CalGal. When I do get "knocked up", I promise to not to do it with a guy who beats me, like you chose to do. Nor will I park my son in front of a computer all day while I "work" in chat rooms all day like you choose to do. Nor will I try and preach what's healthy from a warped pov, like you try to do."
Jen, I'm sure you'll have some brilliant rhetorical justification for that one. But I don't think that absolves you from saying one of the shittiest, bitchiest, filthiest things I've ever read on this forum.
As a Christian, you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself and your magnificent hypocrisy.
I am truly nauseated.
CalGal brings it out in me.
As for nausea, no comment.
"Knocked up" is vulgar? Really? Odd.
feel free to move this to the Inferno, btw
But that's what's so bizarre about your assessment. I did originally sympathize with him (until I learned that all his kids think abusing their parents is cool). I asked him only if he had apologized to his children. I thought the cops acted reasonably, I expressed concern that in this country a situation like that could cause him to lose his children (something I don't support).
I did point out that his wife was not around, which invalidates his claim that his wife was exhorting the kid on. But my point was that perception--both legally and that of the mother--would be to side with the kid, and that it is extremely risky for a grown man to get into any sort of fight with a minor.
As for your fight--you are saying that you hit a minor and got away with it? Were you a minor at the time? Otherwise, I can only wonder if the cops just thought you were cute.
The bottom line is that a family situation got so out of hand that it resulted in a violent physical altercation. Anyone with a grain of common sense knows that the events leading up to that moment occurred over time and are the responsibility of BOTH adults in the house.
That does not excuse a 17 year old for using his fists, nor does it diminish the pain and suffer RP experienced. But I no more believe that RP is 100% innocent victim with no culpability whatsoever for the event. In the manner, I do not consider women in abusive relationships to be without culpability, an opinion that has gotten me called a heartless bitch more than once. Funny how expecting people to understand that relationships take two or more people who make decisions and choices seems to make others so angry.
"I no more believe that RP is 100% innocent victim with no culpability whatsoever for the event than I believe that all women in abusive relationships are without culpability. An opinion has gotten me called a heartless bitch more than once."
We have no way of knowing whether the kids love for his mother is deserved or not since we've only heard from one side...her side hasn't exactly been represented here, you know.
that's the point i was hinting around at in Sex!
Actually, I said that I was accepting everything Pike said as truth, for purposes of discussion.
Oh for god’s sake, Cal did not “mentally or verbally abuse” that kid on TT. TT is an adult forum, she either plays with the big kids or she can go home.
Oh really?
So where were you when I needed you?
Someone in TT was posting something idiotic (I realize that doesn't narrow it down much), I took issue, and was ripped a new one by someone who couldn't believe that I would actually argue with a 13 year-old. It was news to me that the person was 13, and I still wonder.
This happened months ago, and some still hold it against me. Will you be around to support me next time it comes up? Assuming TT is still alive?
As you say, there is no way of knowing if the poster really is 13. But to my mind, the more important issue is that all adult forums should have a rule that all participants must be adults. If they don't, then anyone younger than that has to take what comes.
In the case of this 13 year old, everyone was cooing and ahhing over how mature she was, and that everyone could treat her like an adult. I promptly demonstrated that no, they couldn't, by ripping into her in a way that was rude, of course, but entirely unobjectionable on any basis other than the fact that I was an adult and she was (supposedly) not.
I suspect the 13 year old was the same one, in fact--LRS is the only one I know of.
Next time it happens give a holler and I’ll shellac anyone that says different.
But only by choice. One shouldn't have to be nice to someone in an adult forum just because they're a kid.
And I am still amazed that Salon wasn't worried about the exposure because Lord knows if LRS met up with some adult man and got in any sort of jam, her parents would have sued.
You really are a gross individual. There are two points you repeat over and over again: one is that you think I should apologize for getting beaten up, and the second - that my smaller kids 'think it's cool' to abuse their parents.
I think you are an abusive individual, always on the prowl for an opportunity to hit someone below the belt.
No wonder I keep seeing you getting dumped on violently by 99% of the posters in the threads I frequent.
As for "think it's cool", we may be having a vernacular problem. I mean that they consider it to be an acceptable response to a situation, since you imply that it has happened more than once. The point is that all three of your kids appear to think that hitting a parent is within the bounds of normal behavior.
well.. the first pic isn't bad... and you have to click 10 times to do the cycle.
so I posted it here... I am a trouble maker
Whatcha got cookin'?
I thought those photos were a pretty sobering lesson...just say no.
Looks like the woman in the photographs has managed to keep her weight under control, anyway.
It looked to me like LRS could hold her own pretty well when I chatted with her. I met her discussing math books in the science folder, and talked to her several times after that, including once when she was being verbally assaulted by a psycho one weekend. She has a great sense of humor and a good understanding of her limitations. I didn't think she was over her head in the forum at all.
No, her mom knew what she was doing--or at least she said she did on more than one occasion. And I got the idea that her parents were the flaky yoyo sorts, not the conservative sort.
So I'm probably not one to talk.
But my kid would be deprived of much quickly if he ever went on an adult online forum.
Even us flaky yoyos have standards.
SEATTLE, Washington (CNN) -- A federal judge ruled Tuesday that a Seattle company was guilty of sexual discrimination for not including birth control in its comprehensive health plan.
The ruling came in a lawsuit filed by pharmacist Jennifer Erickson, 27, against her employer, Bartell Drugs.
...
It was the first federal challenge against a employer over the issue of birth control.
In summary judgment, U.S. District Judge Robert Lasnik found that Bartell's plan discriminates against its "female employees by providing less complete coverage than that offered to male employees."
...
Lasnik ordered Bartell to cover each of the available options for prescription contraception as well as contraception-related services.
Officials at Bartell Drugs maintain their health plan is generous and not discriminatory, arguing in court that contraceptives are voluntary, preventative and not treatment for an illness or disease.
...
Erickson was represented by lawyers from Planned Parenthood.
National women's groups who have for years been pushing companies to include insurance coverage for contraceptives, call this a huge step forward.
this is just ridiculous. more cradle-to-grave 'coverage' for every single thing people want to whine about.
can i get condoms paid for now with a frickin' prescription? stupid. if you can't afford birth control, don't fuck without a condom which is cheaper anyway. this litigious society never ceases to amaze me.
Also, contraceptives are also prescribed for heath reasons unrelated to birth control.
From a business standpoint, I don't understand why a health insurance company wouldn't cover contraceptives. I'm pretty sure that contraceptives are a lot cheaper than prenatal care and the cost of giving birth - and that's assuming it is an uncomplicated birth.
INTERESTING ANALYSIS OF POST COLLEGE YEARS
click on photo
I don't believe this is true. I have known several women who have needed to take BC pills for hormonal regulation, and none of them has ever had a problem beyond having the doctor state that the pills were not for BC.
I bet this is overturned on appeal.
I think the companies would have been wiser to cover birth control pills when diagnosed for health problems--it would have left them less exposed.
The problem is that they are prescription. If they weren't prescription, there'd be no bitching.
if there is a real need for BC for other health reasons and there is really nothing else covered that does the trick, that's a different issue, i grant you that. but then, i know very little about a women's physiology, so i couldn't comment.
Birth control is elective, and even more so the method is elective, so I do find it surprising.
Of course, I get annoyed any time people get more coverage that they don't have to pay taxes on, so I live to be surprised. I do think it makes more sense to make them non-prescription. But I doubt they will now, given that this ruling gives the manufacturers no incentive.
Shannon,
You definitely are flaky yoyo. At least I feed my kid meat and milk.
I think you could argue that pregnancy is "elective" and it's generally covered. I don't know how commonly abortion is; my plan does not cover it.
Again, I think the issue with birth control is that it is the equivalent of condoms, which aren't covered. Are diaphragms covered? IUDs?
But that's a prescription/non-prescrption issue. Any number of "equivalent" non-prescriptions aren't covered--Benadryl vs. Claratin (for now anyway). I do think that if pills are covered, other prescription methods should be, which is how my plan works. And it seems consistent to me to say that if you cover pregnancy, you should also cover both BC and abortion.
That's kind of my point. What other method of birth control is prescription only? So the real issue, to me, is that birth control pills shouldn't be prescription. There's no real reason for them to be.
And it seems consistent to me to say that if you cover pregnancy, you should also cover both BC and abortion.
I would go the other way, and say that none of them should be covered. Like that's gonna fly. Then make the cost of pregnancy tax deductible.
As far as pregnancy being covered, don't most insurance plans define pregnancy as a medical condition? And defined as such, it makes sense that medication to prevent that condition should be covered.
Other kinds of BC that are prescription -- I get the depo shot, and that's also prescription only.
Good point about depo. Is that covered?
Rama,
The same could be said about care provided after plastic surgery, though, couldn't it?
The Pill
Depo
IUD
Diaphragm
NorPlant
Tubal/Vasectomy
The only birth control I can think of that DOESN'T require a visit to the doctor's office is condoms or if they bring back the Sponge.
You couldn't be expected to know this but BC pills are prescribed for irregular periods, severe menstrual cramps and endomytriosis as well as to prevent pregnancy.
I dunno, it's not the sexual behavior that I'm thinking is optional about pregnancy, but the decision to have a child. Or not have a child. So I don't think stds play into it.
I should say, though, that I am thinking about what insurance coverage through employers ought to offer. In other words, given that this is a tax free bennie that costs the employer a passle, how much should employee choice play into their costs?
If we all had to buy our own insurance, I would certainly think you could buy a pregnancy rider to cover it--or an abortion rider, for that matter.
If you get treatement for an infection that arose from plastic surgery, your insurance will pay for that, even though it won't pay for the plastic surgery.
You have no idea what my little kids are like, nor do you have any idea how much fun it is being their parent. Otoh - maybe you do have an idea, and it is your ensuing jealousy that causes you to try and portray them negatively when you sense a rare chance. It's a bummer, ain't it - some of us have wonderful, good looking, brilliant, funny kids - and others are stuck with ugly spawns. Life isn't fair.
My kids and I will get over this crisis and go back to being us. You, otoh, will always remain you. And Spawn - well, he'll just have to remain Spawn, won't he?
So much love in that name. If you make a new one, call him Tadpole.
Again with the bizarre translations. Did you not say that your children would "abuse" their mother if she insisted they stay during her visitation times? If you didn't mean this, by all means clarify.
Likewise, if you hemorraghed while delivering, you could be covered.
It's so incredibly rare that I agree with MacKinnon the goofball, I'm almost concerned about it.
Making parenthood a biological fact for women but legally optional for men promotes men's control over women and children, allowing men to take or leave fatherhood at their whim. It lets men decide whether their country has obligations to their progeny. And it defines women as mothers — alone, unless men choose to acknowledge the existence of children they jointly created.
Of course, MacKinnon probably doesn't support the right of men to really walk away, eg, (opt out).
But when you think of it, that's exactly what Congress and the Supreme Court are doing with this law--giving men the ability to "opt out" of parenthood, or abort it, if they happen to impregnate a woman of another country.
If a father doesn't claim his kids as citizens, would he be required to support them, I wonder?
Among the survey's findings:
-- Sixty-five percent reported witnessing anti-gay harassment, while 57 percent had experienced verbal harassment and 19 percent had been victims of violence.
-- Sixty-four percent had sought help dealing with feelings of being isolated, while 78 percent expressed a need for "finding opportunities for making community."
More
He says that the report clearly states that it WAS NOT written by the scientists. According to Sowell, the scientists did not even see a copy of the report prior to its publication.
According to Sowell, the report was written by bureaucrats in order to increase the power of the bureaucracy and government.
Sowell claims that he doesn't know the true facts about "Global Warming"; but, considers the NAS report a ploy by 'Sierra Club types' to force our government to abide by the protocols of the Kyoto accords.
Does anyone actually KNOW something. Or all of you in the dark as I am. Knowing only what the print and broadcast media say about this important issue.
So me and my humble degrees in a soft science came to the conclusion that nobody knows what the hell the reality is.
You are quite right. The earth is flat. And all those phony "Moon landing" videos were shot in New Mexico.
Now I will also go sit in the corner until I can behave.
We don’t have weather data that goes back far enough to tell if this is just something that happens every once in awhile or if we’re fucking things up. Hence the scientific and political bickering over the issue.
If it were just a little argument about who is right and who is wrong in theory , fine, but people are making public policy out of speculation and these policies will have outcomes. If they're wrong, we'll be paying for it.
Well, here's the future: Harsh Chinese Reality Feeds a Black Market in Women
Since last year, the government has been waging a harsh campaign against trafficking in women, featuring highly publicized arrests, death sentences, rescues and the like. But the trade, though significantly damped, still thrives in rural areas because it arises from the mathematics of gender in rural China, reflected in the equations of supply and demand:
¶In rural China, there are nearly 120 boys for every 100 girls because rural couples, who favor sons, abort fetuses and abandon newborns that are female.
¶In much of rural China, it is considered culturally and economically essential that 100 percent of the men find brides and produce heirs.
¶Net sum: For every 100 rural men who marry, 20 others must resort to extraordinary measures to find brides, like buying women kidnapped from urban areas.
I wonder -
So what happens to the poor guys in the urban areas? or is the male-to-female ratio significantly different there?
I wonder what's happening in India where the same preference for boys and aborting of female fetuses is going on?
I wonder how long this has to go on before there is a cultural shift that increases the social value of girls? Will it ever happen?
(no I don't expect anyone here to have answers to the above. i'm just wondering 'out loud')
Sowell - who happens to be a black - has a syndicated column that appears in over 200 newspapers in the USA.
I doubt that all those newspapers are in small towns like Alexandria, LA.
He has a PhD - in economics, I believe - and is a senior fellow on the staff at Stanford. Previously, he was on the teaching staffs of UCLA, Amherst, Brandeis, etc. Good credentials for a liberal!! But, he happens to be conservative. And I doubt that anyone would consider him the token, black professor.
(Sweden, the first country in the world to go through the demographic transition, is perhaps out of date with the latest developments in the field?)
I that China's options on population control are likely to be disastrous. In particular, because after a few decades of paying lip service to the advancement of women, the pendulum has swung sharply back. I imagine that the literacy rate of Chinese women is inferior to that of Chinese men, and not progressing much. Just guessing.
No, it's not. It can also be linked to growing GDP per capita. Your assertion shows that your choice of reading material is biased from the start.
The lieracy rate of women is inferior to that of men in all "developing countries". There is no need to guess.
I always thought it had more to do with the law of demand. More education means the price women face for having children goes up. They have to give up more opportunities outside the home to have another kid.
I don't think that's a very fair assessment. There are real costs to choosing decreased pollution over higher production. In some third world countries that cost may very well be measured in human lives. It makes little difference to me if I'm looking at slightly lower real wealth because of increased costs, but I don't live on the edge of disease and starvation.
So yes, on the one hand there's an urge to play it safe as a default, but playing it safe for us may mean exposing poorer people in the third world to immediate and real danger (and prolonging that state for them.)
It's clear that environmental costs are something that are much more important to us in the developed world, where basic needs such as food, shelter, education are more or less catered for.
In most cases, improving the environment would impose costs on the rich, and benefit mainly the poor.
Which is a good reason why the vested interests are against it.
What sort of "immediate and real danger" did you have in mind?
I'd need to see something backing this up. It may be true that poor people suffer disproportionately the costs of pollution, but poor people will also suffer disproportionately the costs of slower economic growth and decreased production. Again, less money for me means less VCR rentals. For other people it means malnutrition or death.
I don't understand why the costs would fall mainly on the rich, or why that even matters if the poor are still unable to bear the portion of the cost left to them.
As for how the rich (should) pay for their environmental sins : as a general principle, tax "bads" instead of taxing "goods". Transferring the tax burden away from income and general consumption, and loading it on polluting activities (carbon taxes etc). Sure, poor people have to buy petrol too, but in the aggregate, those who choose to live a high-energy-consumption, high-pollution-generating lifestyle, should pay for it, rather than having the hidden costs transferred onto the wider community and the world at large.
It's my belief that the economic incentives that are created for greater energy efficiency and less pollution, will lead the developed nations to create technology which will then be of benefit to developing nations (enabling them to get more bang for their buck out of increasingly scarce, depleted resources). It's already happening, but not fast enough.
I am with you on that.
"For every scientist who believes in global warning, I can show you a scientist who does not."
Further "I have the feeling that there is a very slow warming of the globe; and I believe the preponderance of scientists support this view. However, we have a great amount to learn before we can come to any conclusion/s. Since cars are one of the worst polluters, I think that there should be fleet rules on all autos sold (to include pick-up trucks and SUVs). REAL trucks and 18 wheelers should be in a seperate category."
I don't know what you that don't live in the USA call "18 wheelers". Obviously, in the USA, these are the very large trucks that actually have 18 wheels touching the ground (in some cases more1).
Those who oppose taking any action either deny that there is a warming up or maintain that it is due to natural variations unrelated to the increase of CO2. There are also those who believe that the biosphere is a self-regulating entity (the Gaia theory) and that the warming up will be halted by some mechanism yet to be discovered.
If the earth were indeed a self-regulating organism, it would surely be producing powerful lymphocytes to try to wipe out the human race.
These days, it's pretty hard to find scientists, other than those with an ideological vested interest, willing to defend the position that we don't really know if there is global warming or not.
Nope. It's pretty easy to find them; it's a little more difficult to ignore them entirely, which is what the media and liberals such as yourself do.
You want a scientist who disagrees with the whole silly theory? Look no further than the scientiests who wrote the latest NAS report. One of the eleven scientists thinks the whole theory is utter balderdash, and he's not shy about saying so.
Oh, wait--he must be one of those guys with a "vested ideological interest" that we can ignore. He's inconvenient, so we can ignore him.
In your world, there are only two sorts of people:
Those who believe in GW
And those with a "vested ideological interest" whom we can ignore and who don't count.
Ergo, the only people who really exist are those who believe.
How about this formulation: Everyone believes in the divinity of Jesus Christ, except those with a vested interest in immorality who deny His divinity in order to work as the handmaidens of Satan.
How's that grab ya, AC?
and that the warming up will be halted by some mechanism yet to be discovered
Yes, an esoteric mechanism called "clouds."
I'm also curious as to why the earth grew cooler during the population/industrialization explosion of 1940 to 1970.
Curious, no?
The claim is made that perhaps there was a cyclical cooling during this period. So that global warming was going on, yes, but the natural cyclical cooling overcame any GW effects and made the world temperatures drop a half a degree over thirty degrees.
Okay. That's possible.
But it raises the question:
if you posit that normal, natural, cyclical temperature cycles were enough to drop the earth's temperature a half degree 1940-1970, why do you now claim it's impossible that the same normal, natural, temperature cycles have raised the earth's temperature a half degree 1970-2000?
Very strange... apparently there are "natural temperature cycles" when we need to dismiss evidence AGAINST GW, but these "natural temperature cycles" are wished out of existence when it's suggested that they might be responsible for warming as well as cooling.
Oh, I forgot the other response:
When confronted with a thirty year period of global cooling when GW theory would predict warming, GW disciples often claim:
"Well, we don't understand the processes enough to explain every temperature fluctuation.
Ahhhhh... I... see.
So, when cooling occurs, we "don't understand climate change enough" to explain it.
When warming occurs, we understand climate change enough to know for a fact it's due to human activity AND we know enough to predict dire warming trends a hundred years into the future.
Again, what accounts for this rather convenient inconsistency regarding what we "understand"?
An example of what? Of people too poor to bear still deeper poverty (because of increased costs and/or lowered production) without possible loss of life (greater disease and infant mortality due to increased malnutrition, plain old starvation, etc.)? Do I need to?
I am not saying it is inevitable, I am saying it is possible. It is a danger. And people without a "vested interest" can ask that we look carefully at all the possible costs of environmental regulations before deciding "oh the hell with it, better safe than sorry on this issue."
http://techcentralstation.com/index.asp
Elective for the mother, but not for the fetus. Healthcare during pregnancy is directed at keeping the unborn child as healthy as possible. Looked at that way, it would be ridiculous not to have pregnancy covered.
But as in the U.S. employers pay for health insurance, and the fetus is not on the payroll, I can see that this argument wouldn't work for you, Cal. Enough said!
It would indeed. Looked at that way, abortion becomes murder quick as you blink.
That isn't the rationale for it, as you know.
I think some consistency would be nice. Pregnancy is elective. Why couldn't it be a rider that costs extra? If a woman doesn't get the rider and goes ahead with the baby, it would cover a much smaller amount.
I do think that parents should be able to purchase newborn health insurance before birth, so that the baby instantly has his or her own policy.
I really don't see why bc should be covered--but then, the fact that shots are covered but pills aren't is just stupid, too
Yes, I thought of that too, but fact is, prenatal care is for the fetus. On one hand, you have a woman abtaining from liquor and cigarettes, taking her vitamins, and the other, a woman arranging for an abortion. So yes, the fetus (embryo, at that point, usually) is only what the mother decides it is going to be.
From an insurance standpoint, the insured patient is the mother. I am sure that the fetus benefits, but that's accidental. And since the mother's condition (not the fetus') is elective, I don't see why it should be covered.
But maybe that could be it--a mother has 8 weeks from conception to purchase fetal health care insurance, which covers all the visits, delivery, and so on. The insured is the fetus, not the mother.
Of course, that means the doctors would be required to put the patient's best interest first, not the mother's.
Assuming the mother doesn't also have insurance. And even if she is uninsured, I don't know that you can put her at risk simply because she's not. You can't protect the "insured patient" at the expense of the uninsured one in any other situation.
And if pregnancy isn't covered, what sort of "comlications" are? Would a c-section be covered? I'm sure it would have to depend on why it was done. But there's often a considerable amount of gray area.
Presumably the mother does have insurance, remember. What we're talking about is why insurance covers an elective situation, and how you could cover a pregnancy without linking it to the woman.
Complications: a woman could purchase an insurance rider, or whatever they are called, to cover all of her health situations during pregnancy.
As for putting the fetus first--obviously, if the mother dies the fetus dies. I was thinking more of abortion. A woman who gets the insurance I was referring to would pretty much be signing away any right to an abortion.
And in any case I'd think it would be pretty rare for that to come up. Presumably you don't go out and buy a policy to cover pregnancy if you're not intending to stay pregnant. Likely abortion would only come up then if there were some kind of complication, in which case the insurance company is saving even more money.
I'm just not sure how practical it is to cover pregnancy without linking it to the woman.
How about some of those cases where the mother for all intents and purposes is dead, but can be kept alive for gestation?
At that point, it's not the insurance company's call. It's the doctor and, I suppose, the law. Holly is saying that the patient of prenatal care is the fetus. I then proposed a case where that would literally be true. Once you say that it is literally true, that the fetus has a certain status as human that allows it to be insured, then the doctor has certain responsibilities towards it--and I find it hard to believe that at that point the fetus would not turn out to have rights.
I'm just not sure how practical it is to cover pregnancy without linking it to the woman.
I suspect it isn't, either, because no women would agree to it--particularly if it then meant they lost a fair amount of control over their body. I was just offering it up in response to Holly's "it's not the woman, it's the fetus".
How about some of those cases where the mother for all intents and purposes is dead, but can be kept alive for gestation?
Well, I've always felt that the fetus should get the consideration in these cases, so I'm biased. But if the fetus was insured as described, I think it would then be a lot more difficult for the father/relatives to let the mother die until the pregnancy is over.
I'm very Darwinianly conscious when it comes to my offspring.
I somehow found that very funny.
I somehow found that very funny.
Well, it seemed only fair. (g)
Not a very romantic viewpoint, but judged on any scale but the emotional (or the (gak) religious), a sensible one.
Drugstore chain Bartell Co. must include the contraceptives in its employee prescription drug coverage. Is this the first pebble in an avalanche?
Anyway, I don't think it's about what is elective or not elective when it comes to deciding what should be covered on health insurance. It's not about what's fair or what's unfair either. From a purely practical standpoint, it's about what will attract and retain good employees. It's about balancing cost/benefit/risk.
Interesting article. Taken as a whole it says to me that the Seattle police refuse to do their job unless they are allowed racial profiling as a tool. As if there's no difference between pulling over a car because the driver is black and intervening in a situation in which there are plenty of valid factors to cause suspicion.
That's a perverse reading of the article--almost backwards. Rather, I read it as most cops weren't profiling before, but they are now--to the advantage of black criminals and the harm of the communities that simultaneously bitch about profiling and demand safe neighborhoods.
The reason profiles do not point to white females of a certain age driving Geo Storms is not because they don't run drugs, but because they were not arrested to begin with to have an impact on the profile stats.
Profiling is a self-fulling prophecy.
I didn't say cops don't profile. I'm sure they do. But only in areas where there is an advantage to it.
In any event, it really does go to show that activism will fuck you over at least half the time.
I really ought to unsubscribe.
There's one in News and Media too. But the MWT is seriously depressing.
We could start an organization: "Women Opposing Meretricious Bathos" or WOMB, for short.
Occasionally Salon publishes stuff that isn't dripping in the idiosyncratic poor-me poorly reasoned nutrasweetsyrup slush. So, there's a possibility it could be printed.
I almost bit through my monitor, reading it this afternoon. And for some reason I am even more pissed off by the do-women-like-chocolate? tangent.
I got all the way to post #18. I can't go any further.
Not everyone was like that, there were quite a few sensible people. But it was the type of thread where one timid woman felt the need to apologize for her insensitivity--she just couldn't bring herself to feel sorry for the woman, even though she knew that she really should. But all she could think of were the kids. It was wrong of her, but she couldn't muster up sympathy.
I wanted to be unbanned just so I could slap her silly and tell her not to be such a fucking apologist to a group of ninnies.
And that was one of my nicer reactions.
One of my absolute favorite "lordy my life is fucked up" songs.
I was really turned off by the Church of Christ preacher who did the funerl service for the 5 murdered kids as he was speaking on Good Morning America today...after his requisite report, he launched into a sermon, spurred on undoubtedly by the thought of millions out there listening to Charlie and Diane who have never been saved. I hate that...just answer the questions and gracefully take your leave.
Now I am tempted to go back and see just how horrified I can get. Somebody stop me, it's not worth it!
I've stopped following the story. I'm at the point now where I can look at my own bathtub without feeling weird, I don't want to go back there.
(I should stop, and I probably will shortly.)
This would be my favorite, but it was so hard to pick.
(I am weak. Off to bed in a minute.)
Um, no. Lots of people have 5 kids and homeschool, but lots of people don't do what she did. If it was such a deadly combination, there'd be a lot more of it.
Sometime in the last few decades. It's certainly pitiful.
I'm for lifetime imprisonment, myself. Well, actually, I support the DP, but I doubt she'd get it.
And it's impossible that depression drives you to kill your children.
It's a wonder she didn't kill them sooner.
Please, someone, hand me a sledgehammer. And keep your distance, the blood might splatter.
Unbefuckinglievable. Yes, we're all just a hangnail and a missing Midol away from filling the tub with the bodies of rugrats.
Not only is it quite possible that this monster killed her children for attention, but it appears that an alarming percentage of women want to claim kinship with her in the hopes that some of it will rub off.
Oh, that's true. If she'd only had the Tarts.
There's no excuse. Lock em' up and toss the key. Better yet, burn them.
Retribution is a good thing.
I exclude accidental deaths, like in car crashes and such.
I'm talking about killing their children. Like that Susan person who killed her two children to be more attractive to the man she wanted.
Nuke that woman.
I also read a story when I was visiting family in Mississippi about 10 years ago about a man who worked in some sort of smelting factory. He took his two sons there one day and put them in one of the smelting spoons. Then sent them into the ovens.
Now he should die a very, very slow painful, very painful death.
Shit, I thought I was a bleeding-heart mushybrainer.
I probably should have repressed. They just astounded me.
I don't have the same fury and bloodlust for abusers who accidentally kill their kids in the act. Not that I forgive them, or don't think they should be sent to jail--and ideally, sterilized. They put their kids through hell before they finally killed them--but in far too many of those cases, I look at the parent's grief and believe it. Others kill their kid through abuse with no more feeling than had they swatted a fly, and these I feel should just be put out of their misery, quickly.
But I don't have the same "burn in hell forever" feeling for abusers that I have for people who kill their kids deliberately.
BTW, Ms, we talked about this in Parenting (the link on the front page takes you to the beginning).
ACK! Yes, we'll all just "admit" it to everyone on the internet instead.
One case, I still can't forget it, the mother got enraged because her 2 year old was eating crackers on the carpet instead of on the chair, as she was told. She began beating the child mercilessly, then her boyfriend came and started helping her. They finally put a waste paper basket over her head and repeatedly punched her body.
Of course the child was dead. Dead as a doornail.
The bitch didn't get murder one, she was only charged with involuntary manslaughter. Now why? If this wasn't a depraved heart, what the hell is?
There were too many cases like this. I have no sympathy for abusers who kill their children. None.
And then I'd really have to hurt her.
I don't need to admit to a damn thing.
I am sorry, but I don't live close to this line. I have never, ever, regardless of how depressed I've been at times, ever thought of hurting my child.
I don't see how that can be involuntary manslaughter. I count that as deliberate. I am thinking more of a parent who loses it and hits their kids far too often.
Yep. Which is why I grit my teeth, don't respond, and bitch about it here instead.
What was worse is that the woman had a 4 year old child, who witnessed the entire event. The child wasn't removed from the mother either.
We get many things wrong in our legal system.
Don't ask me. I could barely make it through that class, I was in a state of rage for most of the semester.
I tell you, it's a marginalization of women. We can't be monsters, that's a guy thing. So we didn't really mean to murder, it was an accident.
The working doctor whose kid was killed by the au pair got more condemnation than Yates did.
"Every mother I've asked about the Yates case has the same reaction. She's appalled; she's aghast. And then she gets this look. And the look says that at some forbidden level she understands."
In what I perceived as a mercy killing, I put the kitten in a gunny sack and held it underwater until it stopped struggling.
But what I remember, decades later, is the fierce way that puny little creature struggled to escape my grasp and cling to life. It took 'way too long for him to quit fighting, and I considered, more than once, pulling him up and letting him continue to live in misery for whatever additional hours nature had in store for him.
It was a trivial experience on one level, but it remains a vivid memory because it's the only time I deliberately killed anything larger than a june bug, and the kitten's struggle to sustain life was profoundly impressive. 'No way that animal was going to survive, but, because of the way it fought, I regret my action to this day.
How much harder must it have been to do it with healthy, real-live human beings, five times over?
Res ipsa loquitur. Mama's insane.
Argh.
I did several rounds there, thanks. I had enough. That Barbra woman pushed me over the edge into "foaming at the mouth" outrage, so I unsubscribed. Who needs to irritation?
I totally completely and categorically disagree with any and all posts that declare that all mathers on some level can relate to the actions of AY. NO! Absolutely NOT. I CANNOT relate. Not only have I never been there, I have never been close to the same planet.
It's always seemed to me that both women and men who abuse and/or kill their own children get off light, and I've always felt that pedophiles do. Since it has not ever been shown to be improved with treatment, I think the argument could be made that for the safety of children and society (since some will go on to be predatory killers, as well) that they never be freed.
IT SHOULD NOT EVER EVER HAPPEN!!!
Absolutely. This infuriates me.
It's not that I don't hold them responsible, and as I said earlier I think some of them in particular ought to just be put out of their misery. It just hits me differently. I still feel incredibly angry, and very sad.
But unlike the people who kill their kids in cold blood, I do think these situations can be helped--usually by removing the kids permanently from their parents. So I tend to focus my primary rage in these situations on our societal values--because, as you mention, we don't much care about children who are physically abused. It's not that I excuse the parents, who can still rot in jail--or die, if what they did was evil enough. It's just that I'm angrier still at the system that turns a blind eye at it or speaks of "helping" a parent who should be sterilized and jailed, with the children receiving as much therapy as possible for the damage done them.
But when a parent kills their child in cold blood, I feel it's all on them. In fact, some part of why I am so furious at the MWT bathos is because they hold "us" responsible, as if her "depression" is in any way comparable with the millions of cases of neglect and abuse that we ignore yearly.
That's how I feel about the Yates case for the same reasons, because this woman is likely psychotic, although she's still morally and legally responsible for her own actions, and I don't think this happened out of nowhere, as it apparently does with some who kill their children. It just doesn't matter now as far as her fate goes. I don't scream for her death, but I think as I posted earlier that it would be a mercy killing. It's too late for anybody in that particular situation, though, including her, whether she lives or dies.
Do you mean in general or in this case?
Is it possible to prevent anyone from murdering, period? Yes, it's called capital punishment. Unfortunately, they have to do it one time before the prevention aspect sets in....
The point is that someone who kills their kid deliberately is in the same package as someone who plots to kill for money, for revenge, or anything else. It is deliberate, and there's not much point of talking about prevention, so far as I can see.
This is unlike child brutality cases, where intervention could save the kid's life--assumign they didn't just talk to the parent sternly and then "preserve the family".
It prevents the criminal who is put to death from murdering again.
No one but the idiots in MWT (and in passing, wrt the above discussion, I never go into MWT. I went in a time or two after Cal was banned to see what the hooha was about and found nothing much of interest) and a few attention-seeking moron journalists is trying to draw that ridiculous thread between standard depression, "bad day," PMS, etc, and psychosis. Fact is, no one knows what was really wrong with her except maybe her psychiatrist, but all the people around her had to go on was her displayed behavior, the description of which I personally find disturbing for her to be left alone with small children. Her family possibly did too, since she knew she had an hour before her MIL would be there to help her for the day. That's why imo it's more productive to look at indications before rather than motives after. But evidently it allows people absorb the incident more readily to simplify her into a killing machine--that's all, end of story.
But we've been through all that already.
But speaking of as far as you can see isn't relevant unless you have more details about her behavior and state of mind prior to the murders than I'm aware of.
Not really. Not any more than it is for someone who kills for money. Who can say whether or not they were nuts?
But deciding to take a depressed woman's kids away from her on the grounds that she might kill them isn't all that different from sending the cops out if a couple take out huge insurance policy on the wife. Somehow I don't see either happening any time soon--and I'm glad of it. Short of preventing her very existence, I don't see how anyone can pretend this could have been averted.
It's especially annoying when the same person talks about how she had no support, and then when the nearby MIL is mentioned, talks about how horrible it must have been to have the MIL in the house with her.
But we're missing the point, Lime. It's not about coherence or logic or rationality, see. It's all about intuition and feelings and just mystically knowing, deep down inside, that you're right.
I have rarely seen such an utter polarization between thinking and feeling. I'm still reading only because I can't stand seeing wild-ass guesses presented as facts, and left unchallenged.
So now I am annoyed that they are all blaming the church. The web page for the church makes it look a great deal like the church I grew up in --conservative on issues like premarital sex, but not conservative to the extent that birth control is forbidden, or even frowned upon. PLUS, the church says in their press release that the Yates didn't even attend, they just lived nearby.
Beyond that, I have known several families who homeschooled and had 4+ kids. It is not, as the psychotic buddist says, a hellish life and a sure recipe for disaster. Grr.
I dialed the number, knowing full well he was going to accuse me of putting her up to the call..when in truth I did all I could to discourage it. When her father answered I handed her the phone. I was sitting right next to her. She said her message and he hung up on her. She turned to me and said something is wrong with the phone because daddy hung up. Knowing there was nothing wrong with the phone I did my best to explain it to her. She would hear nothing of it. She said she wanted to try again. She did. He had his answering service on. After that she turned to me and said "my daddy doesn't want to talk to me. He hung up." I consider that child abuse/neglect.
She has never forgotten that call. She has told many people, I called my daddy and he hung up on me.
And if she said that after talking to you, then what the hell were you thinking? "I know you have a new family now but if you knew me you would love me?" I mean, can we say "Someone's been coached by mom?"
Try thinking about what might (and I do mean might) actually get results, rather than what will make a properly tragic story to tell later.
Your daughter is lucky to have you.
Although I'm certainly in favor of all parents being forced to meet their custodial requirements (barring cases of actual physical abuse).
Oh, don't be an ass--or a liar, for that matter. My post clearly signified understanding of emotional abuse. Only someone intent on deception would pretend otherwise.
The nasty thing about emotional abuse is that any attempt to legislate it would be far worse on society as a whole than any damage done to individuals.
It's oh so easy to sit back and make pronouncements without having some compassion for the person who felt driven to do such horrendous acts. I can remember trying to raise two small active children, work 8 hours per day, juggle child-care, shopping, housework (ALL of the housework - no help) and wishing I could run away to a nice peaceful convent. I even had it picked out:
A Benedictine monastery, with a big wall around it and a snazzy habit (this is before they changed everything) nice soothing Gregorian chants, no kids, no annoying husbands, no sex--well, there's always a downside, right?
Anyway, there were times I felt overwhelmed with just two kids -- what would I have done with five? And home all day, every day?
Yet another chick just a bad hair away from a five casket funeral.
I finally unsubscribed.
Which doesn't stop me from looking, but it is the first step in ignoring it and go back to normal.
Which at this point means refraining from throwing something out of the window because I have fucked up my decrepit old computer in my desperate search for freeing up memory deleting some files that didn't seem to be but evidently was crucial so now I can't get into windows even.
GRRRRRRRRR
I'm rarely this frustrated.
I'm sorry Åse, that is just sucky. I wish I had good advice. Can you use DOS? You may be able to make a boot disk from there... I can look up how to do it if that would help.
I am not subscribed to the nasty list, I just read it out of some urge I can't quite figure out.
whhhhhiiiiinnnnne.....
WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!
They operate solely and fully on thier "guts".
Abandonment IS abuse, dipshit.
Try thinking about what might (and I do mean might) actually get results, rather than what will make a properly tragic story to tell later.
Yeah msgreer, you should plug Jennifer into some acupuncture, plop her down in front of a computer 24/7 and reinforce that dad's are unimportant. Besides, she's a female, Females don't need men they need empowerment! I can't believe you subjected your daughter to this, just so that YOU could have a story to tell.
There's a reason you're single, Cal Gal.
Well, no it's not. It's abandonment.
You are using the term "abuse" in it's common variant where it can encompass anything that the user finds unpleasant. By that definition calling someone a booger face or dipshit is emotionally “abusive”.
The term “emotional abuse” has been bastardized by the popular media and various advocacy movements to the point of utter meaninglessness. Emotional abuse is not just getting yelled at. It’s not just getting called a whore, bastard or cunt. It’s not just being told you are worthless. Alone, none of these are emotional abuse in a clinical sense.
What is missing from these examples are three traits 1) implied or explicit threat of violence or harm; 2) consistent verbal attacks over an extended duration of time and 3) attempts to isolate the child or prevent him or her from connecting with others.
By these parameters, abandonment is not emotional abuse. In fact it is the exact opposite. Whereas emotional abuse is a direct form of verbal aggression, abandonment is passive and indirect withdrawal of involvement.
This does not lessen the pain and anguish abandonment can cause a child, but it does not make it emotional abuse.
Just downright nasty.
For the record, I'd not place abandonment as child abuse. A child can grow to be a normal functional person even though one parent abandons them. Now, if both parents abandon, that's a different story.
For abuse to have any real meaning, at least under the law, the definition of either physical or emotional abuse must be contained within some range of actions that capture some parenting but not all parenting. Otherwise, almost every parent could be considered an abuser at one point or another.
Missy, what's your public e-mail these days? I need to send you pictures of my Skeetie.
< /OFF TOPIC POST >
Anna Quindlen
I am very clear that it can be inflicted on children by parents or adults that are supposed to be mentoring the child. Children shape their view of themselves partially on how their parents think of them, which is communicated by words, actions and behaviors. Therefore it makes sense to me that child, especially those in the pre-teen years, who is being emotionally abused with suffer from some degree of negative self-image.
Children are susceptible to the negative effects of emotional abuse because they do not have a fully formed and stable self-image. It is because the emotional abuse occurs in the formative years that we can lay blame at the feet of the abuser. Add on top of that the fact that most children do not have the wherewithal to escape their parents and the case is closed.
Adults on the other hand, we can assume are beyond the formative stage as far as their self-image is concerned. We can also assume that a mentally competent adult is capable of leaving an unpleasant situation. So I have a hard time rationalizing that an adult can be “emotionally abused”.
An adult that stays around to be used as a piss boy, IMO, it is not because the so-called abuser has already damaged them to the point of inactivity. Rather adults who stay in a demeaning environment do so because they have a poor self-image (probably caused in their own childhood).
Noting this difference is important because it changes the focus of any therapy that might be called for. Instead of spending endless hours reciting what a evil person the demeaning spouse is, you can focus on the reasons WHY the adult would stay in the relationship to begin with. You can discuss negative self-image issues, confront the reality that they were getting something out of the situation also, and identify healthier ways of replacing those emotions.
Diva
msivorytower@hotmail.com
I'd love to see a pic of the babe.
The. Insidious. Cult. Of. Motherhood.
(runs screaming from the room)
thanks, Missy, it's on its way.
FU, you bastard (grin)!
I looked at that thread a long time ago, then peeked in when the calgal incident occurred, and found the same thing over and over. Stupidity.
No need to go there now, the views are predictable.
"It's 10:00 pm at night. You're sitting in your Bronco. You know she's in there, loving him, caressing him. And she just bought dinner on . . . your money. And you paid . . . for her breasts.
So, I drive on and calm down with a few gin and tonics. And, obviously, one side of me is horrified at what O.J. did to Nicole. But in my mind, I've had that knife in my hand, slashing and chopping.
Any man will tell you."
I hate to think of myself as a "step parent". Ms. Vole is essentially an adult, plus she has parents, but I sometimes find myself walking a fine line about things.
This just in: the I-gotta-be-me! argument.
Andrea Yates had too many children. And maybe she discovered at 36 what I discovered at 50. Women do not necessarily want to spend their entire life taking care of other people.
Let me repeat that. There is no reason why I should spend my whole life taking care of children, aged parents, employers and/or a spouse.
I am a human being and I have things that I want and need from life for myself. I have to have a certain amount of my time and energy for me.
Yep, okay to kill your kids if they get in the way of your navel-gazing.
Thank God.
If I had looked here and found the same sort of horror show as on the MWT thread, I think I'd slit my wrists.
I think Adrianne Call and Kirsten are both pretty inspirational. Arlene is good for a brisk "quit yer whining and do something" post.
But then I'm not looking for a leader as much as people who are capable of articulating an opinion that differs from my own so that I am challenged to reconsider my own stance.
Where am I going with this? Oh yes.
I think a more apt comparison would be the man who works hard all day, marginalized and pushed around by his bosses and co-workers, humiliated and frustrated that he can't seem to get the upper hand, who comes home to find the house a mess, the kids climbing the walls, and his wife ignoring it all watching Oprah and eating chocolates.
He pulls out his gun and shoots her out of his rage and impotence to control his life.
I'm sure many men can relate.....
The dark side of love.
There's a definite "closed ranks" mentality in some of the threads I've looked at and there can be near hysteria at those who question the established orthodoxy.
Quindlen is like the serious version of Chris Rock's bit on OJ.
"I'm not saying he shoulda' killed her. I'm just saying . . . I understand."
OJ works. It is just sob-sistering for another kind of man. The one paying the bills and consumed by jealousy. I use him because he is the least sympathetic.
It's the same thing with the Columbine kids. The modern ethos demands that we align ourselves in some way in a "there but for the grace of God go I."
Perhaps tragedies are merely opportunities for the glutted Quindlens of the world to pronounce, "Hey, I've got it bad too."
I think it is a mixture of soft liberalism, narcissism, and the need to write something - anything - that suggests an unorthodox tack on news of the day.
I mean, look at OJ.
Narcissism yes.
The need to write something unothodox? No. Her views are trite given the path they've worn for the last few decades. It would be unorthodox if she actually came out and admitted that women can be monsters too. No excuses.
Hey! That was a cross-post, too. Cool. Isn't there a monster (candyman? is that it?) that appears if you say his name aloud, in a mirror or something?
Say Adrianne Call three times into your computer monitor...I dare you...
There are both men and women who look at life as a never-ending gender war -- but there seems to be a disporportionate share of them on the web.
That was bad enough, I don't want to find out what happens if I say it a 3rd time. (g)
I thought it was a sad day to see men finally need to reaffirm themselves by stooping to what we women have been doing for the last few decades.
My cable service sucks.
I feel your pain.
--------
I meant there was cheerleading of a different kind. You know, the "I am woman, hear me roar" brand of self-affirmation.
The Man Show is decidedly agenda-less. It can certainly be criticized on other grounds, but it is Maxim magazine on TV - a show devoted to breasts, ass, farts, beer and breasts.
I merely comment that it was sad to see that men needed such a show on TV.
I'll cop to a freeze in channel-surfing to see any cheerleader and her ample bosom bounce up and down, but I prefer E!, with its Victoria's Secret fashion shows.
My needs are simple.
The only shows I watch on Comedy Central are South Park and The Daily Show.
bubba - I see what you mean.
Injured sensibilities? Please.
I find the show somewhat funny, actually.
And as I said in the TV thread, The Daily Show is a real treat. Did you see the season opening of South Park?
Shit. Shit, shitshitshitshitshit...
The counter was what had me in awe. I think it got up to 163 or something.
I stay up past my bedtime for southpark and then usually stay up to catch the Daily Show. The funniest part of that episode was when the school teacher was walking down the street singing "fag fag shitty shitty fag fag."
This week was excellent too.
What should be done with this monster?
Black and white only.
Got to keep it short, sweet and simple. Add satisfying too.
Then the next Susan Smith or Andrea Yates might spare their kids and off themselves--or better yet, just walk off and leave them.
I am not in favor of executing mentally ill individuals who are suffering delusional episodes. I do believe that they should be incarcerated in a mental institution until they have been asymptomatic for the appropriate duration. At which time, I would have them serve the remainder of a sentence for manslaughter.
Oh, I agree with that. Depression alone (not connected with other disorders) should not be a mitigating factor.
But I’m not 100% sure is might not have been psychotic. But who can tell? So far I heard that she was just taken off Haldol, that she was actively taking Haldol and that she had just started a new course of Haldol.
With that kind of consistency in the news reporting anyone’s guess is as good as any other.
And then watch Quindlen and her ilk realize that they just claimed kinship with a wacko.
I once saw the admit video of a woman diagnosed as having PPP. She was full-blown psychotic … convinced that her child needed to be exposed to the sun or he would not survive the coming cataclysmic “darkness” that she had been warned about (never did find out from who?!?!). Her mother had her committed when she went over to the house and found the baby bright red like a lobster from a sunburn.
But it’s rare. So when ever I see the media or defense lawyers immediately jump to it as an explanation for murder I’m doubtful of the veracity of the “diagnosis”.
I don't disbelieve in PPP; I've read about it. But did you notice that in this mom's case, she was trying to protect her baby? I wonder if there is any breakdown along those lines.
Then the next Susan Smith or Andrea Yates might spare their kids and off themselves--or better yet, just walk off and leave them.
Holy smokes, Cal - are you still trying to peddle this Susan-Smith-as-Sympathy-Object crap?
Please.
I did a search the other day, and not only did I not find a single sympathetic article on that maniac, I found one which actually asked "Is Susan Smith America's Most Despised Woman?" - rated her way above even Hillary Clinton in that regard.
Your point would perhaps have been a lot better made had you not attempted to prop it up with Smith. But as it is, the more you use the Smith case to make your point, the more obvious it becomes that you just simply have nothing else to hang your hat on.
Oh, well. She must really be hated, then.
Actually, it's you who is a tad obsessed. I've mentioned a lot of other women. Susan Smith didn't get the death penalty. Marie Noe didn't even go to jail for killing all of her children who didn't die naturally--after all, the poor dear had a husband to look after. Mary Kay LeTourneau is considered to be "in love" with her victims--after all, the little kid was able to get it up, so it can't be molestation.
In any event, you haven't had anything to offer than the whine that I've mentioned Smith--you even said confidently that she didn't go to trial, which was completely wrong. So find something else to fuss over.
Exactly.
You're totally wrong on this, you know.
"You're totally wrong on this, you know."
I know we have completely opposite viewpoints on this. If the kid had sex with Mary Kay once and then felt so bad about it he turned her in, then that would be an obvious case of molestation. But in cases where the teenage "victim" repeatedly has consensual sex with the "molestor", its not nearly so clearcut. Obviously, a teacher who has sex with a student should lose her job. But I have a problem with severe criminal sanctions in cases where the boy was a more than willing particpant.
[Yes, illogically, when its a female teenager and male adult, I have a different view.]
Not even close, idiot.
And MKL????
You've got to be kidding. As I said - a group of women from France -what was it, 12 of them? - wrote a letter to the Governor, asking that she be freed because it was love, and you're gonna make this into some mass movement of sympathy? Where else was any sympathy expressed for her?
..after all, the little kid was able to get it up, so it can't be molestation.
WHERE???!!! WHO????!!! The voices in your head? Please, link something in here, Cal.
And where was any sympathy expressed for Smith, after her story was found to be bullshit and everyone knew she'd done it? Can you link something in here?
In any event, you haven't had anything to offer than the whine that I've mentioned Smith...
Because, Cal - that is all I need to debunk your silly theory. You make an assertion about how society is so willing to forgive women these horrendous acts out of sympathy in outrage at the response to the Yates crime, and you prop up this theory with three cases that have absolutely nothing in common with it:
MKL: You claim there is all this sympathy for her, because, as 12 women from France claim, it was love. I'm sorry, but 12 women from France do not a quorum make.
Susan Smith: You claim she got all this sympathy because she did it to keep her boyfriend, or some such nonsense. But if anything, this is precisely why she was despised. Now, here, I think you may be mis-remembering events - skewing the timeline. Because there was an enormous outpouring of sympathy, initially. That ended the moment it was found out her story was a lie, Cal. And if you didn't realize that at the beginning of this discussion, you knew it shortly after. So, you're shucking. And jiving. And lying.
Since its the female who gets pregnant, the adult male preying on the teenage female is a more heinous offense, because the risk is being borne by the presumably naive and immature teenager.
On the other hand, when its an adult female and a teenage male, the presumably more experienced and mature adult knows the risks and accepts them willing, while there is no downside for the male, as long as no transmission of disease is involved.
There. My position is now perfectly logical.
Didn't she avoid prison because of advanced age? And because of the age of the crimes?
(Not that that's okay - just that there are all kinds of examples of men getting away with murder because of age, or because they're too fat, etc).
Well, well, well...
Coincidentally, I watched a piece a couple of months ago about some scion of a wealthy family, who inherited a bunch of money, blew his girlfriend up on his boat, and then split the country. After getting a new identity, he returned, met his one true love, and settled down to a life of bliss.
...until a detective caught up with him (the alias this idiot chose was the name of the detective who investigated the murder).
Anyway, there is an enormous amount of sympathy for the guy - thousands of letters - many from very prominent people - petitions, etc. - because the poor wife is dying of some strange disease, and this guy just happened to have invented the medical procedure that may save her life.
Right out of a friggin' romance novel.
But there you go - people are suckers for a cause, Cal.
He's got a doctor's note and everything:
"Mr. _______ cannot go to prison, because Mrs. _______ responds only to treatments administered by her husband."
...or some such nonsense.
Not even close, idiot. (to the claim that you thought Smith cut a deal.)
From Parenting:
2730. joezan - 6/23/01 10:43:30 AM
She cut a deal - I don't remember what, exactly, the deal involved.
Maybe that she wouldn't try an insanity defense?
Buzz. Thanks for playing.
That was in response to a question as to why she didn't get the DP - not at all insinuating she didn't have a trial.
About those links....
Maybe that she wouldn't try an insanity defense?
Oh yeah...I was positively exuding confidence there.
Crime Library
Jurors believed Susan’s attorneys’ claims that Susan murdered her children while trying to end her own life. Jurors also felt sorry for Susan because of her mental state during the commission of the crimes. Jurors admitted that the closeness of the Union community weighed into their decision to spare Susan’s life.
The sad facts of the Susan Smith case are these: a young woman, with an extensive social support network and prior contact with the mental health profession, was failed in a moment that she most needed help. On October 25, 1994, Susan Smith did not know how to deal with the emotional pain of her past or her immediate present.
Time coverage of sympathy for Smith
But the cries for the death penalty, if not entirely silenced, have quieted. And instead of remaining amazed that a 23-year-old woman, to all outward appearances a loving mother, could harbor such profound unhappiness or anger, the people of Union now marvel that their quiet town could have been the scene of so many tawdry and desperate entanglements.
Bit by bit over the past few months, local newspapers have chipped away at the veneer of normality on Susan Smith's life and uncovered beneath the National Honors Society membership and "friendliest girl'' yearbook title a morass of sexual exploits and personal losses.
But there is a theme implicit in the Smith story that ought to be familiar to every woman with a functioning heart, and that theme is love. Not the good kind of love, obviously, the kind that results in homemade cookies and all-night vigils with feverish children, but the ungovernable, romantic kind of love that the songs tell us about, as in "addicted to love" and "I would do anything to hold on to you." Whether Smith intended to kill herself or just wanted to win back her lover by getting rid of the kids, we will never know for sure. Either way, she was an extremist in the cause of love, and her sons, horribly enough, were human sacrifices to it. "Good" women put the children first. They forgo disruptive romantic entanglements; if necessary, they endure loveless marriages until the kids grow up. This is what Susan Smith would have done if she had any capacity for conventional feminine virtue: stuck by her philandering husband, and of course refrained from fooling around herself.
But Crask said after the media began reporting some of the turmoil in Smith's life, she changed her mind. In the months after Smith's arrest, reports surfaced about her two suicide attempts, her father's suicide and her step-father's fondling of Smith.
In the spring of '86, when Smith was 14, a school psychologist recommended she enter a depression study at the state mental hospital, but her family didn't follow through.
"If all these people hadn't did all these things to her she could have coped with life," Crask said.
...
Crask said she was in an abusive situation once with an employer and that's why she empathizes with Smith. Crask said she writes the 23-year-old Smith letters of encouragement.
"Sometimes I just tell her about the bunnies that are eating up my garden," Crask said.
You peddle juror sympathy as representative of some greater societal tendency towards sympathy for Smith?
And how, pray tell, does the second paragraph play into your sympathy hand?
Letters from needy whackos?
Tell you what - let's find out how many people write to Smith to remind her what a monster she is, and to tell her they hope she rots in hell.
Mary Kay LeTourneau, coming up.
Barbara - "if the choice is between mothers staying at home to raise their kids and the state raising them, it is infinitely better that the state raise them" - fucking Ehrenreich?
That Barbara Ehrenreich?????
Do you know any normal person who takes anything Ehrenreich says seriously?
Time, A Matter of Hearts
That is the Vili that Mary fell in love with. She had met him years before, in her second-grade class, and quickly noticed his talents. He had noticed her too, and he flirted with her throughout sixth grade. Kids get crushes on teachers all the time--and, of course, most are rebuffed--but Letourneau had entered a fragile period. In October 1995, her father, retired G.O.P. Congressman John Schmitz, had disclosed his terminal cancer. As Mary later told a psychiatrist, she felt he had died already.
....
Outsiders thought they planned to race off to a country that would allow them to marry, but the boring truth was that they had gone to see Wag the Dog and get some food and beer. As romantic and manic as Mary can be, she never planned to flee with Vili. To where? And take him from his mother, the one person who has been sane and humane throughout all this? No.
and Salon's Prisoner of Love
Instead, it opens by subtly contextualizing her crime: a group of female sex offenders in treatment go around confessing their crimes -- burning their kids with cigarettes, forcibly "penetrating" them. Letourneau, sitting among them, looks on horrified.
There's so much evidence mounted in Letourneau's favor -- her cold, abusive husband, his affair and Fualaau's principal-may-care eye-lock -- that the affair comes off as soap-opera inevitable (with the soundtrack from "Badlands" laid on top for that fugitive cred). "Vili pursued me as a man pursues a woman," Letourneau testified. "He has the dominant sexual urges."
I did a search the other day, and not only did I not find a single sympathetic article on that maniac
All I did was demonstrate that you can't do a search.
It was pretty easy, really. Just type in "Susan Smith".
A kid is either capable of consent or not. Gender is irrelevant.
It's also pretty bizarre that you grant the kid the ability to change his mind. "Yeah, I fucked her, but now I feel pretty bad about it. Arrest her." Otherwise, she gets a pass.
A photograph of Smith was pinned to Crask's upper left chest. Below the photograph was a hand-written prayer.
"Lord protect her and keep her close to your heart and forgive the `would be' Christians who are not willing to forgive her."
Crask believes Smith should be found innocent by reason of insanity when the trial ends.
"Then, if she goes for treatment and gets out of this, she is welcome to come live with me."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
OH...OH....HOOOOOOOooooOOOOoowwwWWWWEEEE!!!!!!
Excuse me, but where do either of those articles express sympathy - or even attempt to provide an excuse - for Letourneau?
In case you missed it, this:
There's so much evidence mounted in Letourneau's favor -- her cold, abusive husband, his affair and Fualaau's principal-may-care eye-lock...
- is a criticism of the book. You also forgot to include that this was the only book - of 10 that were written - that made it to the shelves
As I said - not one article that was sympathetic.
...well, I guess you can say the Ehrenreich piece is sympathetic. And I actually read that at the time it ran in Time - and promptly wrote it off.
The article described the information as "evidence in LeTourneau's favor"--so much of it that it came off like a soap opera. Can you see a mainstream article describing a male pedophile as having extenuating conditions that made his actions more sympathetic?
Well, you probably can.
As for Smith, you also claimed, if you recall, that the public uniformly loathed Smith. Now I am not quoting this wacko as the one exception. The point--which you seemed to miss--is that the articles I quoted mention a growing swell of sympathy for Smith. The wacko wasn't presented as a wacko--she was presented as a person who thinks Susan suffered, the poor dear.
You claimed that there was no sympathy, when in fact there was so much sympathy that several articles--easily found in a search--described the growing sympathy of the public.
WRT the Smith articles I understood it was more a local growth of sympathy, which in a community her size is very different from a widespread change of public opinion. I seem to recall at the time her lawyers felt it would be in her best interest to have the trial locally, whereas in many cases the opposite would be true. What the townspeople thought they knew of her and what she actually was couldn't be reconciled enough for them to execute her, and it would be virtually impossible in that size area to find a full jury who didn't know something of her and her family.
The same thing would work for or against a man in that type of community, and has frequently in much less celebrated cases, depending on his standing before the crime and how long and well established he and his family were, especially as compared to his victim. There's an "upstanding" citizen fairly close to where I live who's been walking free for years after murdering a man in cold blood with no motive that anyone ever knew of. He was plainly guilty and got a very light sentence on a charge of something like second degree murder.
Do a search on Dahmer - or Bundy - or friggin' Hitler. You will find sympathy galore. But not 1/1000th of those that you will find excoriating them.
Same with Smith and MKL. You did the search - there are literally thousands of articles on both. And look at the crap you linked - you couldn't do any better, because there is no "better". Certainly, no case could ever be made based on those articles that sympathy for either MKL or Smith comes anywhere near what you imply they do - and definitely not to the extent that one could draw the conclusions you do with regard to the broader implications.
And Arky makes a very salient point - that Smith article is indeed from her hometown paper.
It's just more drama, this Yates thing - more fodder for the armchair therapists and psychobabblers.
Don't know how much I "trust" Fox, but it's a nice antidote to the mush.
Hallelujah. Thanks for cheering me up.
Empathy for a Killer
What if a madman had invaded Andrea Yates's home in suburban Houston and drowned her five children?
It would have been the biggest story in America, with the coverage ranging from the sensational to the hysterical. Every angle would be pursued. Except one. There would be no serious attempt to understand the mental state of the killer — to determine, for example, if there were mitigating factors at work. Few would care if he suffered from depression or some other mental illness, or if he'd been horribly abused as a child.
And there would have been no hemming and hawing about whether prosecutors in Harris County, Tex., which is fanatical about capital punishment, would seek the death penalty. No question at all. Not in a multiple murder case in which all of the victims were children.
But this case is different. The mother herself has confessed to the killings. And she is not some unkempt, crack-smoking, dark-skinned, ghetto-dwelling stereotype who can easily be bad-mouthed for daring to have babies in the first place. She's a soccer mom. Or at least she might have been if her kids had lived long enough to play soccer....
'I forgot the baby' is no excuse
It's difficult to sympathize with women who forget their children, Kathleen Parker says.
It is amazing that Americans seem to believe that when a person commits a crime, there must be a whole slew of other individuals and groups who are also responsible. Perhaps we have all been watching too many lawyers whose instinct is to look for the deep pocket whenever there is wrongdoing. Perhaps, despite our avowed love of self-determination, when push comes to shove we want to find some other reason for brutality than a single individual’s actions.
is true enough--although he doesn't note that their willingness to look for others to blame seems limited to when they feel sympathy for the murderer.
Parker's column I generally agree with.
We don't dare suggest that personal irresponsibility played a role or that these women's lives were so other-focused that they failed in their most important job of mothering. The unspoken source of our vast understanding, of course, is the fearsome prospect -- the awful possibility -- that we other working moms might get too busy ourselves someday and ... well, it could happen to anyone.
So in the first case, we'll blame the husband. In the second, we'll blame the job. So women who stay home with their kids are to be excused if they go nuts and murder them in cold blood. Women who work and leave their kids to die are to be excused because, after all, it's hard to work and care for a child.
What's wrong with calling it involuntary manslaughter? There doesn't have to be any larger context. They fucked up. Like running a stopsign and running down a 3 year old. It doesn't matter if you regret it for the rest of your life. You still have to do time.
Comes back to whether or not you own the victim, still. A babysitter who forgot would be in jail.
situation where children are going to be put in harm’s way —
because the parents are drug addicts, old and likely to render
the child an orphan, too young to adequately care for the
child, or likely to pass on a lethal illness, for instance — then
each of us has an ethical duty to say that there are things you
ought not be doing in that bedroom.
I have problems with this. Not the drug addict thing necessarily, but what is meant by "too old and likely to leave a child orphaned?" Women stop being fertile long before their life-expectancy runs out - are we talking fathers here? Or, discussing fertility treatment for post-menopausal hye ... women (which certainly isn't privacy in bedroom anymore). What is too young? WHo is to decide? (13 would certainly be too young, but 19 may be just fine for some but waaay to young for others.) Passing on of lethal illnesses? Even if there are genetics, they are not a sure thing. For some there are tests, others you simply don't know. And, which lethal illnesses are we talking about? Tay-sachs which leads to early death or some cancers that may (or may not) strike in 30's or 40's? Huntingtons?
And - re forgetting kid in scorching car - can't understand it.
Okay, you read Caplan the same way I do. I wasn't sure if I was tracking properly. If that's his point, then I disagree, too.
If we as a society deem a certain behavior is wrong or inappropriate, then we can create a law to control the behavior. If the behavior is legal, then it's simply not a factor in judging the case. So, for example, Andrea Yates shouldn't be held less responsible because some folks think the people in her life let her down.
If it's wrong to leave kids with a person on anti-psychotic meds, then make a law. If it's dangerous for a woman to have kids after PPD, then tie her tubes. And so on. But I dislike these "soft" judgments. Well, yes, she's responsible, but really, the dad should have known better than to knock her up again! Or any of the other situations you mention.
To this day, I have sudden "ack" attacks when I think I've forgotten Spawn somewhere--and he's taller than I am. I had them regularly when he was an infant, and I would retrack my activities over the last 20 minutes--yes, I dropped him off at the babysitters remember the conversation? He's wearing his paint splotch overalls today and she said he looked adorable. Phew.
I can't see how it happens, but I think more of these parents should be charged and tried. That way the parents like them will start being a lot more careful.
It is a crime to leave an unaccompanied infant in a car. If the cops had come by and found the baby alive, she'd be arrested. Why is she given more slack because the baby died?
Maybe I'm just mean, but I doubt it.
What could possibly be worse than finding your child dead from your own neglect? The questions before law enforcement officials are meatier: Should these women be punished?
Hell, yes they should be punished. Hell, no, they haven't "suffered enough".
Like I said, maybe I'm just mean, but I can't help thinking that these women didn't forget. That they were well aware that this was a method of offing your kid that they could get away with. Not only that, but they could get away with it and get a lot of sympathy and attention to boot.
Grade 2 boy suspended for poultry prank
I'm kind of getting tired of this over-reactive shit.
Good god, there was a time when LD delighted at pointing a finger at me or her Dad and saying "bang" just to see what new dramatic way we could come up with for "dying". Then she out-grew it.
So you could say we encouraged her anti-social behavior by giving her a "payoff" for her actions.
Or you could say by dramatically dying we taught her something about what happens when you point a gun and it goes "bang".
Or you could (imo) correctly say that kids will play and it is frank discussion, teaching, and modeling behavior that teaches them that it may be ok to point a finger at a playmate, but that pointing fingers in social situation when you are older is considered rude, and that guns are dangerous and designed to kill.
Kids can learn to tell the difference between pointing a finger, or a chiken tender, and a gun.
DUH!
Now how do we teach the school administrators?
Funny. LD's Hindu friend can't wear henna to school, but none of the kids with smudges on their foreheads on Ash Wednesday were sent home.
Apparently, these idiots never go to the mall and see the stick-on sparkly butterflies and dragons and flowers and rhinestones that are sll the rage now.
Or maybe they do and consider them (!gasp!) PAGAN symbols and therefore just as bad or worse than gang symbols!
Seriously, the "repeat offense" was referring to temporary tatoos or drawings. My daughter loves to draw flowers, and lizards, and happy faces, and abstract designes on herself. So she has a set of gel pens so she can draw something, admire it and smile, then wipe it right off so she doesn't get into trouble.
The rules were originally instituted as part of a crack down on gangs campaign and, like vw's article of a boy suspended from the 2nd grade for pointing a chicken finger and saying "bang", then carried to the point of absurdity in application.
Frankly, I think the parents of LD's friend have a good case for religious discrimination here, but they'll never prosocute. They run a gas station/convenience store, and would end up bankrupt. It's a small town, majority white, Baptist, and Religious Right. In fact, I understand from LD that they are probably moving. I don't blame them, but LD will miss her friend.
?sue?
?file a case?
shrug
I don't blame them. It's a costs/benefits thing and I would personally parse it the same way - not worth the hassle.
I've been following a conversation on another board about gender issues. In it, a transsexual equated being a woman with accepting lower pay, having a fear of rape, and changing dirty diapers.
While I can identify with some of these concerns, I find it interesting that anyone in this day and age believes that this is what women are about.
Comments?
And, at least on the changing dirty diapers part, that's part of being a parent, not part of being a woman. If your goal in life is to avoid dirty diapers, don't have kids.
&:oD
racehorse - as long as there are people, there will be stupid stereotyping, it is easier than trying to reach any deeper understandings or even (gasp!) getting to actually know real individuals.
He wants to be female, yet he equates being female with accepting lower pay, being raped, and changing dirty diapers?
WTF?
Is this the Tanya chick at TT, or someone else?
Anyway, I don't know that the feelings are all that uncommon, even among women.
poor guy
at least it strikes me as sad
She said she was "stressed" by the new baby and the babys father...
Can you imagine the sort of pain that baby was in with broken bones and a fractured skull? Thank god the fool came to visit her mother or the poor little thing would probably be dead.
HOLT, Mich. (AP) --Jeremy Hix, an honor student and bagpipe player, could be expelled from school this week for wearing a ceremonial knife to prom as part of his Scottish regalia.
Wednesday, the school board in Holt, just south of Lansing, will decide if the bagpiper will be expelled for violating the state's zero tolerance law against bringing weapons to school.
Hix said he didn't think about the knife as a weapon when he attended the school dance May 19. The knife, called a sgian dubh, had a 3½-inch blade.
''It's part of the formal wear for a Scottish man,'' he said Monday. ''It's literally an item, like a piece of clothing. It doesn't stand out when you look at it. It's sort of natural.''
Hix said he had the knife tucked into his sock for nearly two hours before a chaperone at the prom noticed it. He was forced to leave the prom and couldn't attend classes for the rest of the school year.
Nobody seems to dare to see what's really under there anyway.
Wombat - good question. a lot can be tucked into a sporran.
Save lives! Defy nature!
Oh yeah, and you, like the rest of this culture, insist on siding with these solipsistic narcissists called modern-day parents who need a good dose of Critical Thinking 101. In an imperfect world, crucial distinctions have to be made. Most of us, even if we walk a fine line between sanity and insanity, do not kill our children. The difference in our fine line lies in the action itself, not the potentiality.
He could have made a better argument about how we're all not supposed to be parents. Instead he veers off into a "rights" mantra. But still, his first four paragraphs make me feel better.
But I loved the paragraph I posted above.
MADISON, Wis. (AP) - The state Supreme Court, splitting along gender lines, ruled Tuesday that a man who owes $25,000 in child support can be ordered not to father any more children while he's on probation.
In 1999, David Oakley, the 34-year-old father of nine, was placed on probation for five years by a county circuit judge and ordered not to father more children, unless he showed means to support them all. He faced eight years in jail if he failed to comply.
On Tuesday, the Supreme Court's four male justices upheld the ban.
I'm sympathetic to some of the sentiments in the article (in a weaker version - typical me). That whatever psychotropic medication we have aren't as "magic" as made out to be. That some of the human mental suffering is situational. That in some instances medication is used to make people fit into a situation that they realy were not "made" to fit. (This has been advanced by some researchers I have a lot of respect for, in some instances).
But, at the same time, it is a bit too facile. Blaming industry or advertising or whatever elite is - well, I don't quite buy it. Or - it is too broad and too distal and too "convenient".
Psychotropic drugs are becoming far too popular with both women and children, and they are supported in this by an environment that encourages conformity and has a ready supply of drugs to help us along.
I like that. Now if they'll just start slapping norplants in women on welfare.
Contrary to his assertion, there is evidence that pharmaceuticals relieve depression, although the standard of practice is drug and talk therapy combined.
As for cocaine being the equivalent substance for increasing all three main neurotransmitters, that is overly dramatic. The first class of antidepressants, MAO Inhibitors, also do exactly that. They fell into some disuse because patients must follow dietary guidelines when using them, but they are being used again because they seem to work best for many patients. A form that does not have dietary restrictions is used in Europe and is still under study in the U.S.
All that said, I think the woman clearly was misdiagnosed as to the severity of her condition. I do not know who is to blame, or if anyone is to blame.
There are incidents of tragedy and insanity that defy easy analysis. Like Columbine, for example.
I'm not a big fan of medication for psychological problems (and I have had problems) or a purely biological analysis (in its facile form it ignores the fact that just about everything is reflected in biology simply because we are biological creatures, never mind that situational factors can profoundly affect biology).
It's like - I liked it bringing up ideas that I think are important, but stopped short of an interesting analysis.
One of the more interesting ones I know about psychology is John Horgan's "The undiscovere country" which I think is a great book (he also wrote "the end of science" which I also liked). And, what I like about him is that he is interested in limitations of science rather than the successes, and I find that a wonderful antidote to the rah-rah we're about to solve everything articles and books that exist. And, I'm one that is very excited about research. I just also find it important to realize the limits of where research can go.
(Oh well, that was rambly, but it is late, and I'm trying to analyze data).
And, it is really difficult to research these things, and to have a clear picture about what is going on.
Some sorts, for some people. I think you would agree that they don't work for everyone--the correlation certainly isn't the same as penicillin is for infection. Is there even evidence that anti-depressants are as reliable as the drugs they give to schizophrenics and manic depressives? There at least they do work, for the most part--it's just that it's a high price to pay.
(I am speaking of what I've read; maybe I have misunderstood something.)
They numb you. Some people like that feeling, just like some people like to numb themselves with alcohol or other mood-altering drugs. For them, it's like the drug soma, from "Brave New World." But for some people, taking a drug that makes them feel less is really scary.
struck me as true--provided that all hint of judgment is removed. In other words, numbing is exactly what some people need and shouldn't be harshly judged.
It's the hint that - oh, the pharmaceutical advertising - thing and that "industry needs" certain kinds of people.
I didn't see that strongly emphasized. Is this the passage you mean, specifically?
Thirty years ago people used to laugh at psychiatry. Since then, the science has not advanced, but the marketing on the part of pharmaceutical companies has. Just like any other corporation, these companies bring out new models and new brands; when people start to notice problems with one product, they bring out another one which may not be any better than the last one, but its problems are less well known. These are multibillion-dollar companies that have made sure that professional organizations and consumer groups hear the same line over and over again. Even lots of doctors don't have the time to do much more than read press releases.
I do think psychiatry has advanced somewhat, but by no means linearly since the 50's.
I don't remember him mentioning that insurance companies have been strictly limiting non-pharmaceutical mental health coverage for some time now, while at the same time a GP can write a scrip for Prozac or Wellbutrin.
As for the other bit about women and the drug of choice--if you assume he didn't mean that there was some grand design to it all, I think I agree with him. In other words, at some meta level we (as a society, women in particular) stress and support options that make people fit in. Women, more than most, seek out solutions that they feel will make them fit in.
Inner Demons in Both Sexes
True...I think the parents have a cause of action....my my but the ACLU would love this case.
She said the parents postponed the ceremony because the school had a no tolerance policy for tatoos..., not that the school had done or said anything one way or the other. And I seriously doubt they would have, had the parents asked first.
There is no basis for a lawsuit here.
I apologise for neglecting to state that the parents did indeed ask the school if the henna decorations would count as tatoos that would result in discipline and were told yes.
Please remember that I did state that the school had already defined as tatoos, temporary tatoos, the stick-on rhinestone and butterfly stuff sold in places like Claire's, and designs the kids draw themselves with pen on the skin, as well as actual real permanent tatoos.
Henna designs, btw, last for months and cannot be washed off or taken off right away like the temporary tatoos and rhinestone stuff.
This is not a slam on mothers (or fathers) who have to go on welfare because they don't have money. I'm speaking of the ones who are on welfare assistance and get pregnant again. Is that any different from a dad who can't support his kids?
She is, in other words, a bright and outgoing teenager, much like other students in her high school in Cortland, N.Y.
But Jamie, who is 16, also sees differences between herself and her peers, differences she attributes to having been raised by two mothers, Lynette Bergeron and her partner, Sharon Trinkl.
For example, she believes she is more tolerant and open-minded than many of her classmates, in part because she herself has experienced taunting and ridicule from the outside world.
She is more apt to speak her mind. And she is more confident of her sexuality, having wondered at an early age if she herself may be lesbian. (She concluded that she was firmly heterosexual.)
A Rainbow of Differences in Gays' Children -NYT
The bottom line, IMO, is that because homosexuals have to struggle against biological, financial and social hurdles to bring children into their lives they really want to be parents. Which makes them a superior breed (pun intended) when compared to the Het Hoi Polloi
Analysis: The Web's true digital divide
Excerpt:
By sorting the top 5,000 domains in order of the educational level of their American visitors, what jumps out is that the people with the least
education seem to have the most fun on the Web.
...
It appears that the less-educated use the Web to amuse themselves and their friends. In contrast, the well-educated use the Web as part of their careers.
...as an economic tool, the Web most helps those who could already intellectually help themselves.
But, it must work. Always one of the fattest magazines around.
My above comments aren't as rounded as I had intended. Because almost every issue does indeed have at least one article that is not only off-beat but interesting.
Probably can't ask for much more than that these days. Even The New Yorker has its trying moments.
I liked that story, too, Judith. It made me want to read the bio.
This story has been making the rounds for a week or two, but Will's column gives a history of the court's rulings on pornography over the years.
I can't figure out why the guy pled guilty.
If I understand this bill correctly, the House has just banned my doctor from assisting me to grow my own “cure” by using my own body cells to generate stem cells.
The Weldon bill would criminalize research on therapeutic cloning, punishing scientists by jailing them for up to 10 years and fining them up to $1 million.
Christ, child molesters get off easier than this proposed sentencing recommendation.
(snerk) Who was it that dubbed this season the Stem Cell Summer?
Let's hope the Senate has at least three people capable of understanding the issue on the floor when it comes to a vote.
But by just about every other measure, according to 2000 census statistics released today, the nation's self-proclaimed gay mecca deserves its bragging rights:
-- San Francisco is home to the two densest concentrations of same-sex couples in the country, and six of the top 10. All are census tracts in -- where else? -- the Castro. In four of the tracts, gay and lesbian couples account for more than 40 percent of all couples -- gay and straight, married or not. The vast majority of these same-sex couples are male; in one tract, there are nine gay male couples for every lesbian couple.
-- The Bay Area is the No. 1 metropolitan area for gay and lesbian couples in the nation; they make up 2.04 percent of all couples, about twice the national rate.
SF Chron
HOUSTON (Reuters) - An attorney for Andrea Yates, the Texas mother accused of drowning her five young children in a bath tub, on Wednesday entered pleas of not guilty by reason of insanity to two charges of capital murder.
Yates, 37, has been accused of drowning her five children, aged six months to 7 years, on June 20, then calling police and her husband moments later to admit what she had done.
Prosecutors formally indicted her on two counts of capital murder last week and her attorneys promptly gave notice they would enter an insanity defense. Prosecutors have yet to say whether they will seek the death penalty.
Ireland had calls for new legislation to regulate surrogate births and adoption after a gay couple had triplets.
Dublin businessmen John MacMahon, 42, and Gerard Whelan, 37, are reported to have paid a substantial sum (believed to be 100,000 British pounds) to an agency in California to have the babies through a surrogate mother. They are the first gay couple in Ireland to have children this way.
You Go Girlz!
That's what I'm thinking--that they want to hold back in case they don't get the desired result the first two times around. Interesting strategy, actually.
I know it's old news that Berkeley is where the lesbians live. I was just wondering why the article didn't mention that.
I don't think it would be double jeporady since it's a different victim as long as the prosecutor had not included that child in the multiple charge.
Who knows how the Texas statue defines not guilty by reason of insanity? Here it means the person did not understand or appreciate the nature and consequences of the act. Few get off on that defense. It's very hard to prove.
Alan Bray, an ecclesiastical historian and research fellow at Birkbeck College, London, says the proof was staring church leaders in their faces all along.
"It's in the churches themselves," Bray said. "All you have to do is look at memorials dating from the 14th to the 19th centuries." Bray said the evidence is on tomb markers commemorating passionate friendships. Often the partners were buried together.
More
Toughness Has Risks for Women Executives
Mind you, I am proud to see all these Silicon Valley female executives not even think of filing discrimination suits. But still, did they look their boss in the eye and say "are you fucking nuts? What are you going to do, fire me for doing my job?"
I suspect they knew the answer might be "yes". Which is why it is a tragic tale.
The senior sales representative at an office furniture company, Ms. Kinnaman, 45, was once told by her president that she walked, talked and thought too fast.
Heaven forfend.
I agree with the woman at the end who said "look, I got the boss to think about what was right. I couldn't do that without confronting him." But I also know that in the end, if all he remembers is the discomfort, she might end up paying.
Of course, it's not just men who are intimidated, which the article tries to suggest.
Somebody mind if I puke?
I think the article should have interviewed some of the CEOs who apparently demanded that their dry-eyed female subordinates attend this ladies finishing school.
Of course tantrumy, aggressive coworkers can be intimidating. Whatever their gender. Why the fuck can't they have co-ed classes?
Oh, and the woman who is less threatening because she says "um" more now. Gee, that was worth however many thousand dollars. What do they do in the advanced course, practice fidgeting nervously? Play with their hair whenever they have to say something tough?
It seems that these women are just ferocious, focused, and uninterested in making nice. And that just won't do at all.
Their no-nonsense ways intimidate subordinates, colleagues and, quite often, their bosses, who are almost invariably men.
Ditch all that hardball stuff from the 80's — being assertive, standing firm — and learn to hold your tongue, stammer and couch what you say.
Her clients loved her. Her co-workers didn't. She didn't say please and thank you or greet everyone as she walked down the hall. Many men at her company don't either, but she was sent to Ms. Hollands for her "intimidating style."
In your place, Missy. Don't speak up so much. Don't raise your hand all the time, even if you know the answer. Be nice to all the boys you see in the hall, even the ones you don't want to take you to the junior prom.
It's like dating advice from the 50s.
I wonder if this isn't just a very successful ploy by co-workers to undercut the competition. After all, if enough people complain about you, it doesn't matter what the problem is--it's your problem.
Ah. Yes, it's the feelgood management bit that I was trying to get at. (the sexism being a given)
But I still don't understand--no, not even in Silicon Valley--how all the HR departments didn't start the alarms ringing at sending women executives to charm school.
The article was vague about what made those women actually attend those classes and practice what they were told. It does give the impression that they were backed into a corner. Creepy.
So what does "sent" mean?
You know, that is so weird that I can't figure it out. If her clients loved her, one would think the boss
wouldn't care. Also, these women wouldn't have succeeded so well if their bosses (again, mainly men)
hadn't been promoting them and rewarding them.
--because the article seemed to say that these women were at risk for not succeeding, and it had nothing to do with job performance, only with "how well does she play with others". The article never came out and said what these women could have realistically lost by not attending these classes, though. A lot was implied.
That was what I found creepy.
But nearly all have been told that the toughness that made them six-figure successes has become a liability, preventing them from rising higher. Their no-nonsense ways intimidate subordinates, colleagues and, quite often, their bosses, who are almost invariably men.
I suspect it is some executive issue that comes up at review time. "Jane, we'd like to groom you for upper management but...."
And how much do we want to bet that the underlings doing the complaining about big old mean Ms. Success were other women? Bunches of them tromping up to her boss’ office saying, “She’s so mean. She didn’t want to talk about my {insert one – baby, new boyfriend, dog} and she was nasty when I told her it was unreasonable of her to expect in at 9 AM when I have to talk care of my {insert one – baby, new boyfriend, dog}.”
I always hated those forced “team-building” social events … especially the ones that occurred outside company time. And though I got exceptional scores on business knowledge, client relationships and work product on every performance review, the agency I worked for always dinged me for being a “lone ranger”. I always pointed out that if I met goals and in fact exceeded them why was this a problem? They never quite had an answer.
If you don't like company potlucks, then don't work for companies that are going to promote that sort of thing, but if you're in Rome and planning to stay there, expect to fall in or be corrected--unless you're so good you know they'll live with your style being different from what they prefer.
Besides, a "particular environment and corporate goals" that has gender differentiated standards for upper management is discriminatory.
I tend to agree with vw, that at least as many women whine about other women than men--if not more. I also think that the "feelgood management" style has as one of its basics the fact that if enough people complain, then the problem is with the person they are complaining about. Of course, this isn't necessarily true.
But if men are sent for "stress management"--which euphemistically means that they are beating up on employees--then why aren't they sending the women for the same thing? Presumably, because they aren't beating up on employees, but employees are bitching anyway. That suggests bias.
I think both men and women are intimidated by women who are more interested in getting the job done than by what others think of them. But clearly it's not that much of a problem--these women managed to get pretty far and there had to be a lot of men involved in their success.
Unless you think they're sending men to classes that encourages them to cry?
Besides, a "particular environment and corporate goals" that has gender differentiated standards for upper management is discriminatory.
I agree. The question is whether the standards are different according to gender--IOW if the same type of behavior is tolerated in men and sent for repair in women--or if the approach on either or both sides is different because the people in question are women.
I agree with the first part of this paragraph--it should be the same program and the class itself is stupid, and I don't disagree in the bias that comes from the gender-different approach, as I said in my first post. I don't know if you can make the presumption you're attempting to make regarding the women's behavior based on the article, though.
Lost my IP connection, btw, and #64 was only in response to #61.
I hate losing my connection. It derails my whole train.
This makes sense to me in that say one accountant with 9 engineers can do little to impact group norms or dynamics, but as the number of accountants grow, the group becomes large enough to impact norms and dynamics, then tensions develop. So counterintuitively, issues arise as diversity increases.
To give you a sense of how old the study was, it was before the term diversity came into common use. I'd be most appreciative if anyone who knows of any such or similar studies could refer them to me. I'm searching the net and meeting with only marginal success.
Thanks!
News account of Mom's trial and sentence:
Mother spared death sentence - Woman killed two on highway
Quite apart from the fact that the mother is a ruthless murderer who killed her ex-husband's girlfriend--and a passerby who made the mistake of trying to help. Christ.
What I can’t figure out is what judge in his right mind threatens a parent with jail time for not wanting his six year old to spend the night in jail with his murdering mother?
Bad enough that she killed the girlfriend so brutally, but then she shot a man who was trying to help? Three times?
But no, gender had nothing to do with it.
I can't see the dad getting jail time over this. I wonder why he formally committed to letting the kids visit in the first place? I'm not sure how I feel about that in general, although it has a lot to do with what crime the parent committed.
So it's not even like he interrupted her mid-crime. The bitch came back when she saw someone interfering and came back to blow him away.
See, this is what pisses me off about the death penalty. They never kill the people who really, truly deserve it. This isn't a broken person. This is a selfish, self-centered, vicious cow.
I seem to remember reading about several cases where a parent has killed the other parent in front of the kids and won the right to see the kids after being convicted for the murder over the objections of the current custodial guardians of the kids. I don't remember the specific cases, but I do remember being seriously pissed off when I read about them.
I do remember that in the case where the parent had killed the other parent, the judge said something to the effect that the parent hadn't done anything to the kids, therefore there was no reason to deny him visitation.
Unreal.
I don't care if the murder takes place in front of the kids or not, if you kill their parent, you damn sure HAVE done something that hurts the kids!
Doing something to the kids is not the same as doing something to hurt them, in this indirect sense of being a really bad influence. If the latter is reason enough to deny visitation then no divorced people would ever see their kids. We all make mistakes, your honor. (Can someone be denied visitation for domestic abuse?)
Perhaps there is some law declaring that if a felon parent didn't harm the children in a legally direct way they can't be denied visitation. And we of course don't want judges legislating from the bench; I'm sure somewhere on this site there is a rant about a pathology of that.
So maybe we would like legislators to define in law which crimes are serious enough to treat the felon parent as if s/he did something to the kids, and have a symmetrical discussion when someone caught with a dime bag can't see his kids.
Or, pick your favorite system malfunctions.
However, from that same standpoint, I don't think kids should ever stay overnight with their parents in jail unless they aren't in jail themselves and can get out at any time.
I think, but am not sure, that there is more support for kids visiting their mom than their dad. Does anyone know if that's true, or am I just being my usual suspicious self about bias?
And in answer to your question, I think there is a push to prevent kids from seeing their batterer dad, but I'm not sure if it has been successful. I don't think any such restrictions should be allowed, provided he never hit the kids.
However, what Christi says is true: the reason given was moronic. Killing a parent hurts the child. The other parent could be given custody regardless, but that's a weakass rationalization.
The best argument I can see for preventing very young children from seeing a violent parent is that they won't be able to process the difference between "hurting Mommy" and "hurting me". That's particularly an issue in DV cases. But I think that can be handled through education.
Teenage pregnancy is down in the United States. But don't worry, the kids in Britain are picking up the slack.
I read somewhere that Harper's article used a "sample" question from the Texas school test that actually was a sample test question--in other words, one that was supposed to be blindingly obvious. They are apparently running some sort of correction on it.
Supposedly, in Kent county, specifically Canterbury, is where the highest number of teenage pregnancies occur.
I am not exaggerating. Everyday, my roommates and I would see at least 5-10 young girls with strollers just in the vicinity of our neighborhood.
How the fuck is that a feminist issue? (Not that I'm a particular fan of NOW).
Okay!!! the case is not the same but somehow it came to my mind.
I saw the story on FOXNews last night, and thought it had to be a joke. But here was this PETA spokeschick, claiming that "there is just no doubt a vegetarian diet is healthier for domestic animals."
Of course, she had no scientific studies to back her up, and the vet who was interviewed stated that such a diet would actually be harmful to animals that are naturally carnivorous (DUH!).
But will that stop PETA?
NOOoooOOO.
Will they retract their imbecilic claim and claim any responsibility, when people's pets start getting sick after the thousands of idiots in this country who actually believe PETA's claims start chucking the kibble and start preparing doggie and kitty ratatouille for their pets?
NOOoooOOO.
...because regardless the consequences, PETA only has the "best interests" of the animals in mind.
Judith, How is Klaus?
First, she has no idea who the people are who were yelling stuff, but she assumes that they're different from the people who were rioting at Mardi Gras. Then she holds up Seattle as this place of great politeness and no violence, which is really not accurate at all. As the actual article in the paper about this event stated, Seattle has a history of riots, etc.
Judge allows Florida gay adoption ban
The NandoTimes -August 30, 2001 13:09
MIAMI August 30‚ 2001 1:09PM - A federal judge ruled Thursday that Florida's law against homosexual adoptions is valid, claiming the state has a legitimate interest in only allowing married couples to adopt children.
The law is considered the nation's toughest ban on gay adoptions, prohibiting adoptions by any gay or lesbian individual or couple. Mississippi and Utah also ban adoptions by same-sex couples.
U.S. Judge James Lawrence King accepted the state's argument that the law was in children's best interests because married heterosexuals provide children with a more stable home.
"Plaintiffs have not asserted that they can demonstrate that homosexual families are equivalently stable, are able to provide proper gender identification or are no more socially stigmatizing than married heterosexual families," said King, senior judge for the Miami-based U.S. Southern District of Florida.
Steven Lofton and Douglas Houghton filed the lawsuit after being told the could not adopt children in their care. Lofton, a foster parent, wanted to adopt a 10-year-old boy he has raised since infancy. Houghton is the guardian of a 9-year-old boy.
ridiculous. if there are so many damn straights eager and willing to adopt this wouldn't be much of an issue. it is dispiriting to see bigotry engrained in this nation's laws.
Killer's son can't sleep in prison
If your concern is that this has any significant effect on the number of children adopted, you really needn't worry. If your concern is that this is unjust to people who are parents to their foster children, you would have a legitimate point.
That's reassuring.
Ducky,
The court said that it is in the child's best interest to have two parents, one of each. Does that mean Florida doesn't allow single adoptions?
The kid in question is 10 or so, which certainly makes it a domestic special needs situation.
I disagree about your first point. New Hampshire overturned its law prohibiting gay adoption and foster parenting expressly because the social services agencies showed it harmed their ability to find homes for children. Remember, most couples want "perfect" children at an infant's age, and white to boot. Many gay people are perfectly content to take in or adopt children that are older, have special needs, are minority or mixed-race, etc.
Not really. The judge was not ruling that the law was a good idea. The judge was only ruling on whether the law was unconstitutionally unequal.
The flaw here is the notion of "many". There are not, in fact, a statistically significant number of gay people qualified and willing to adopt children, special needs or not.
There were enough such gay people to convince New Hampshire to rescind their law. There are thousands of gay people adopting and fostering children in the U.S., and the numbers will only rise.
"The Court cannot accept that moral disapproval of homosexuals or homosexuality serves a legitimate state interest," he wrote.
More importantly, compared to the number of children who don't have parents.
And every little bit helps.
But if dollars spent fighting slavery in the courts, in legislatures, and in the Civil War had been spent on slave quarters, they might have lived in nicer surroundings.
????
Total non sequitur.
Wrong. Not only can you, it's been done.
Different issue. The injustice of the Florida ban is a separate issue from the effect on the rate of adoption, as I noted in my initial post on the topic.
The theory of equal treatment requires it.
Only to you, deary. Ronski quite legitimately disagrees with the point, but didn't have any problem following the argument. If you practice, I sure you too can develop the ability to find opinions other than your own comprehensible.
I do think further inquiry into the numbers of kids languishing for adoption and the numbers of potential gay parents (as gays become more friendly to the idea of raising kids) is a good idea. Any stats anyone has would be welcome.
I'm not advocating gay adoption, but your reasoning in this instance is pitiful.
The argument was that any additional parenting attempted is a positive contribution to the net parenting of orphans.
The counter-argument was that the argument isn't true in the case where a specific attempt uses scarce resource unproductively.
This was illustrated by comparing two hypothetical situations:
1) The money and time spent attempting to provide additional parenting to orphans by gay parents is magically diverted to encouraging parenting by otherwise qualified parents
2) Sexual orientation is magically not considered for those gay people currently attempting to provide parenting.
While, as ronski points out, this is difficult to prove one way or the other, it is in no way illogical.
By the way, baby-doll, even if your analysis of a logical defect were correct, that isn't what "non sequitor" means.
So, do you think there is a reason the Lofton' son should be taken away from him?
Exhibit A: Nikolay Soltys.
We appear to have multiple personality disorder as well.
We like our mythology. It would be really nice to have all our problems solved by near super-humans after two car chases, three hand to hand combats and at least one REALLY BIG explosion.
Too bad it doesn't work this way
We go to TV and movies to escape reality, not to experience it.
Excerpt:
Tear up the old rule book. Politically, it's a brand new city. Minority voters are a minority no longer.
Between them, blacks and Hispanics cast 47 percent of the vote. (Add in Asians, and they are a majority.)
Now, why say "Add in Asians"? Aren't they a minority? What are you saying Dick, blacks and Hispanics all vote alike just like they all look alike? And that Asians look different, so probably vote different?
I know what some of you here are saying, "There goes Cygnus posting crap again." Of course, it's just because you live in denial. "Acceptable" racism is still racism regardless of wheter it gives off "good" emotions vs. "bad" emotions.
What if Dick Morris had said "Stupid, dirty, and short people now rule N.Y. Dems"?
He would be stating the obvious?
Actually, Morris said just the opposite; as he points out, even the black vote splintered:
Along with the increased political participation of blacks, there was a corresponding decrease in block voting. Even though the entire black establishment lined up behind Ferrer and his puppeteer Al Sharpton, about one-third of the black vote went to liberal, white Mark Green. When Sharpton said "jump," at most half of the black vote responded.
While it is true that the three main 'minority' groups now form a majority of their own, the increase in voter participation and the decrease in block voting makes it more difficult to generalize about voting patterns, and leaves a lot of room for further potential splintering.
Politically, this change has enormous implications. Not the least of which is that the Republican Party, throughout America, had better get busy following Bush's lead and start courting Hispanic voters.
Bush got ridiculed for his efforts at pulling in the Hispanic vote. This was partly because the far right fears losing control of the GOP and the Democrats fear losing control of the Hispanic vote.
Smartest move he ever made. Drawing a few Hispanic votes while keeping the pro-gun sector voting for him was the only way he could ever have made it an electoral dead heat.
It's logic like that that would shut down the criminal justice system if taken seriously.
I wouldn't rely on the vaccine for anthrax, wouldn't it make more sense to issue gas masks that work? Are we making them?
Vaccine: military, cops, health workers. People will want children next, but I'm not convinced.
Should there be age range limits? "I'm sorry madam, but you are too old and will die in the next 15 years anyway." Perhaps some screening like they do for those seeking organ transplants?
VW, the Fish & Wildlife service could be important in keeping anthrax contained amongst animals and fish may be all we might be eating.
But good idea...hmmm, who could be considered unnecessary?
I think that if you've been vaccinated before (in my case, I think I have some 2 or 3 at least) you could probably be bumped lower, even though they are technically only effective for X years.
I absolutely think that older people should not be vaccinated, not least because they are more at risk from being killed by the vaccination.
BTW, I think it was GJ who mentioned we don't have a lot of small pox vaccine. Are we beefing up supplies of that, or is Bayer too busy making more of one of countless drugs that treats anthrax?
Although not til next year.
Yes, smallpox vaccine is the one that leaves the scar on your shoulder but the vaccine is only good for about 15 to 20 years so anyone innoculated during the years of routine vaccination would not now be protected from the disease.
I'm thinking way older.
But I should also say that the problem is not just that the person may contract the disease, it's will they carry it? If they will carry it, how do you prioritize?
They actually don't know how good the vaccine is, do they? That's just what they state. It may still be good. I know I had more than one--it's hard to remember amidst the flood of typhus, typhoid, cholera, and yellow fever shots I got. But I'm pretty sure yellow fever was the only one on a ten year cycle.
Ducky, I don't think you can get a vaccine anymore. I think it's a live vaccine, which gives it a certain risk as well.
I was about 8 or 10 when we went overseas, so I should be golden for another year or two, if the vac lasts 20 years.
Don't know about that but lots of people in Asia have had it and we had to have tests every year we were there plus right before we returned to the state.
The Russian prison population is full of TB cases. They are treated while in prison, but if they are released prior to finishing the course of medication, the antibotic resistent TB cell bounce back. So newly released prisoners are walking around coughing treatment resistent TB all over the general population.
You're back! Hi.
Did anyone read the Washington Post article about the difference in support between black and white America for the war? I thought he overstated the numbers, in much the same way that the PBS show of cows, To the Contrary, claimed that women didn't support the war because they were at 69% instead of 72%.
Many Blacks have Doubts. Here's Why
More an op-ed piece than reporting. But I know what you mean.
On the other hand, if it is really true that some number of African Americans are resisting the war because they reject Bush, they're just shooting themselves in the foot for the future. That's flat out foolish.
One AfricanAmerican politician who has been interesting me lately is Sheryl Lee Ralph--from Texas, maybe? Can't remember, although I know her face. But she has been a talking Congress head on a number of issues since 9/11 and without ever mentioning concerns of minorities. She's the first Dem African American I've seen building name recognition outside of identity or class politics. Good for her--that's something more black Dems need to do.
Very few blacks supported Bush. Very, very few. I think blacks are less likely to want to support the war because they know that there is a lot we aren't being told, that a lot of what is being said doesn't ring true.
I think blacks are less likely to want to support the war because they know that there is a lot we aren't being told, that a lot of what is being said doesn't ring true.
See, now this strikes me as more paranoid than anything. I don't know how much we're not being told, and lord knows I'm not happy with the domestic actions taken thus far, but I think it behooves everyone to remember that you can question results without questioning motive. Politics aside, I honestly don't believe I've seen an administrative official who I haven't thought was trying his damnedest. Even if I thought the attempt was weak.
Yes, I read that too. I also read that those of us who have been vaccinated probably have more protection than we think.
I'm not bloodthirsty, but I think it is crucial that we strike back as hard as we can. And it feels very weird to be in this position, because I do not come from a flag-waving family at all.
I agree that the Administration is trying. We're doing better on the international front than we are on the domestic front. I mean, this whole anthrax thing is very frightening. But I appreciate and believe John Ashcroft (gag!) more now than I did Janet Reno during our FBI debacles.
I don't consider myself to be paranoid, but I think there's a lot the government is simply not going to tell us in time of war.
I don't think you're paranoid either, and I agree there's probably stuff we aren't being told. But it is the suspicion, the assumption of ill will, that I think is both unhealthy and counterproductive. It's not exclusive to black Americans, but I do think that it is far more common and less "fringe" among black Americans than white.
When I say "unhealthy", I mean in terms of overall political viability and progress; I'm not speaking of individual psychology.
I wonder if there are any studies of black America done by income levels? There must be.
The vaccine's rare but serious side effects make it far too risky to administer preventively in a national immunization campaign. When all U.S. infants were vaccinated routinely, a practice that ended in 1971, about five children died of vaccine-related complications for every 1 million immunized. The risk of death is lower, but still present, in adults.
I could still swear I read that we still vaccinated until the early 80s, with the military having stopped last.
It's hard to vote for a George Bush. There hasn't been a Republican running for President with the exception of John McCain that I would have been able to bring myself to vote for. The idea of voting for either of the Georges or for Ronnie Reagan completely and totally revolts me.
Word.
When I was asking about income, though, I was more curious about their general views--say, on the war. I agree that most would not vote Republican, regardless of income, but there are dems and Dems.
It's hard to vote for a George Bush. There hasn't been a Republican running for President with the exception of John McCain that I would have been able to bring myself to vote for.
Also true of my views--I did vote for McCain, in fact.
It's not so much that I think black people should just wake up one morning and say "Hmm. I think I'll vote Republican" but rather to put their vote in play. Instead, the "black vote" power seems to be achieved primarily--or at least in distressing part--by treating poor black people like sheep. Have you ever read that New Republic article on how it works? Most depressing.
I also think that the first move should be made by Republicans. I've said this before, but given how likely it is that AA will be overturned state by state, why should they still be so vehemently against it? Step aside, let other people take it on. Moderate Republicans should consider at least becoming neutral on it--and it should certainly drop from their platform. Studies have shown that it is Republican opposition to AA, and the resultant attraction it has to racists, is one of the main reasons that blacks vote Dem, despite profiling somewhat to the right of white Dems on many issues--death penalty, vouchers, etc.
It seems to me that Republicans--or at least the moderates--should put together a strategy to attract blacks and sacrifice racists. I think it would be good for the country, and it would also be very good for the REpublican party.That it would completely bumfuzzle the Dems isn't a bad thing, either.
I disagree that Republicans might not have to. I agree it isn't an obvious strategy, though. But that's why I think black leaders should put the idea in play first, even if fairness dictates the Republicans should make the first move.
I think there's a lot in blacks gesturing at the Republicans that we are willing to be courted. I think it will happen eventually, or else, the "black vote" simply won't exist as we know it. But that will only happen if their is more mainstreaming of blacks.
Ever notice that drivers don't really stop at stop signs?
The Southern California Injury Prevention Research Center at the University of California in Los Angeles noticed that, too.
In a report in the Journal of American College Health, researchers described how they tested their theory by standing at crosswalks and actually counting the number of vehicles that stopped.
When there were no pedestrians in crosswalks, the compliance rate was about 23 percent. When pedestrians were in the crosswalk, compliance with stop signs increased -- to 53 percent.
If that's not reassuring, consider this: People on bicycles were the worst offenders, stopping only 1.4 percent of the time. People who drove mini-vans did the best, but even they came to a full stop less than half the time.
as i was taught coming up: no cop; no stop.
In my experience, I've met people who will admit to every minor personal flaw (being a lousy driver, being grumpy, having a bad memory, even shoplifting) except one. I've never met anybody who would admit to having a poor sense of humor.
Why is this?
Ase might have more on this; she studies emotions.
You would agree that there are people who cop to being humorless on occasion?
Yes, they'll say they are humorless at times but not devoid of a sense of humor. Even family or close personal friends who had zero sense of humor and could presumably admit it to me.
Oh-so-painfully true but will they admit to no sense of humor? I kinda doubt it.
Strictly speaking, you may be right but I'm talking about people admitting a general lack of humor. Surely you've met people you thought had a lousy sense of humor.
But, I was a very sturm und drangish youth though, and into really dark stuff. I would have been a goth and dressed all in black if I was 15 years younger.
Now I have it and appreciate it. Nothing like getting older to teach you how to see the fun in it all.
Now, this is probably a social psychology thing. I must have read about it, because it is ringing bells in my brain. I think it is the "everybody is above average" syndrome (except when you're depressed).
It is one thing to cop to flaws that are not seen as very central. I'd even think it would be kind of "hip" to admit to less than relevant flaws.
But, to admit to not possessing something that is generally seen as a highly desirable trait (which having a sense of humor is) would possibly be very damaging to ones sense of self. Not having a sense of humor or taking oneself too seriously is generally seen as "bad traits" whereas being grumpy or driving poorly are tolerable.
This is pulled out of the top of my head, but it is plausible from social psychology research.
Has anybody here ever met anybody who admitted having a lousy sense of humor?
This could be true. You think you have it (even if you don't).
But, it could also be that people find very different things funny. There can be a lot of bite in humor, which means that different people may be stung by it, rather than amused.
Also, one of the favorite cop-outs when having offended is saying "you have no sense of humor", rather than apologizing.
See, I have no sense of humor about that.
That's what I was trying to say with my goofy "many to many" comment--that since everyone laughs, everyone can think they have a good sense of humor.
Aytch,
I think there are many people that are painfully unfunny. It's much worse when they disagree with me, though.
You brought me up short when you said you once had no sense of humor and now do. While I understand that people can and do change over time, the process of developing a sense of humor completely escapes me.
Did you never laugh even at dark comedy, gallows humor? Hunh.
That period, though, "sense of humor" as a trait didn't seem like something desirable to me. It seemed trivializing and embarrasing.
But, your statment wasn't whether people have or do not have a sense of humor. I think that most people -apart from the deeply depressed or the anhedonic who find no joy in anything -do have things they find funny - be it the little anecdotes in readers Digest, mad magazine, truly tasteless jokes, Monty Python, Andrew Dice Clay, Seinfeld, what have you. Which you may or may not share with them.
Your question was about admitting to it (or, not admitting to it even if you think they don't have it). Which is different from whether or not they have a sense of humor.
So, people may not admit to it, because, really, they do think they have a sense of humor - you don't share it is all.
Or, they don't admit it because they know it is a bad thing, and nobody likes a humorless bastard, and who wants to be perceived as, or admit to, being a humorless bastard?
Or, they have no sense about how humorless they really are, so, of course they do have a sense of humor, because they have no means of assessing whether they do or not - in any real way.
However, I have never understood the humor in insults. I have never ever liked the sort of humor that Don Rickles did/does for instance. It just seems mean to me.
I don't think teasing is ever ever funny as I believe it always has an underlying cruelty to it. I think saying "oh, I was just teasing" is just a protective cop-out people use when they are caught being mean and called on it.
However, there are things that I do find funny, so I think I have a sense of humor.
But I still don't know why nobody will admit to a lousy sense of humor. Even if this is a very important trait to most of us, people still admit to being a little short in other important areas.
I've had people admit that they were irresponsible, dishonest, and practically everything else. Seems like these are at least as important as a sense of humor.
Still cojjin' on this one...
Let's apply the razor of good old Occam and look for a simple answer. It might be that nobody admits of having no sense of humour because everybody has it, although the nature of it may be incrompehensible to most.
Another question in the same vein. René Descartes wroye that "everybody complains of their poor memory but nobody compalins about their poor judgement".
Who among us admits to poor judgement or has heard someone admit to it?
I agree about no sense of humor and I think we've settled that. My question is about admitting to a lousy sense of humor.
As for poor judgment, that's a good question. I can't recall a specific discussion either way. Although I've heard people admit to not being very smart, which is closely related, I suppose.
What is the fundamental difference, if any, between (a) sense of humor and possibly judgment and (b) such things as honesty and basic intelligence that causes this?
On the other hand, maybe I just haven't talked to enough people.
There are no coincidences. Tonight, in Citizen Cohn, Roy Cohn makes your point when meeting David Schine, who tells Cohn that he has no sense of humor. Cohn is struck by this, saying that there are two things to which people never admit: having no sense of humor and being a lousy lover.
I've heard (and I'm betting you have too) people say they've exhibited bad judgment in specific instances. They admit to having bad judgment when it comes to relationships, money, jobs, raising kids, driving, etc.
I think Ase makes a good point in noting that the public confession of flaws has more to do with what is currently culturally “okay” to admit to then what is actually a problem for you. Being an alcoholic has gone from being a dark secret kept private at all costs to being worthy of discussion on network TV programs. It all has to do what is currently “chic” to suffer from.
You beat me to it. I have heard people say "I don't get jokes" but I've never heard a single person say s/he's lousy in bed. S/he may not claim to be awesome or even above average but no one ever admits to being less than sufficiently talented in the boudoir.
Roy Cohn didn't get jokes...he was one.
CG,
That isn't the point that you've made, though. The only point that you've made is that people often choose sides for reasons of personal affection. Nobody has disputed that. Whatever the reason for the choosing, if one is not neutral then a side has been chosen.
????
The question Judith posed was:
What is that, then, if not choosing sides?
In the sense that thoughtful meant, of assessing blame.
I don't know how much more specific I could be than "in the sense that thoughtful meant". Thoughtful was clearly talking about assessing blame.
I put quotes around the term as well, in my original response to Thoughtful.
I appreciated your thoughts upthread about a sense of humor. As one who's always cultivated my own sense of humor -- some would say much too intensively for the yield -- it's hard to imagine someone who once actually disdained the attribute.
Monty Python was funny before there was such a thing as political correctness. My ex didn't get it, if getting it is the point, but e.e. and I would laugh 'til sick. That was back in the early '70's.
Evie has a cousin who once asid, "I'm not much on humor." It was one of the only things we agreed on.
Can you give an example?
One of the most glaring examples is the Civil War, as it is known to Northern 'liberals,' who will invariably cite the eradication of slavery as a primary objective. Ask Southern 'conservatives,' and they'll tell you that the War of Northern Aggression was fought to preserve the sacred principle of states' rights.
Yes, that it is why it is called political correctness. It is when what is clearly a political position is treated as an established truth in a venue where politics is not supposed to be the criteria for truth that people begin to get tense.
Control the words and you control perception - that's the essence of 'political correctness.'
That's not to say that there isn't a core of sensible modification that was needed, which is how it began. But the majority of it is reality distortion these days.
In terms of mgleason's comment, I would think that a Republican saying that tax cuts won't help the economy, or a liberal saying that racism wasn't causing the inequal results between blacks and whites would be demonstration that PC violations come from all angles.
Yes. Hence the wacko PC element that thinks renaming a reality will make the unpleasant aspects disappear.
I am automatically PC in the essentials; it is a California requirement. The rift between us began when they came out with "visually challenged".
Control the words and you control perception -that's the essence of 'political correctness.'
Both true but it's even more than that. PC includes the absence of words and opinions at appropriate times.
Ha!
I've been trying to catch up with you. Are we on for tomorrow? Did you pick a restaurant?
I'm just the opposite.
I'm always getting in trouble at work for not watching myself, and when called on it I'm usually clueless - truly clueless as to what it was I've done.
For instance, I mentioned a couple of weeks ago in another thread that a great young lady I worked with had received the promotion of her dreams. I was really very happy for her, and let her know that.
IRL, later on that day after a meeting I was speaking with several of those who'd attended, including this young lady. Among the others were three who'd also interviewed for the job. Anyway, I knew these other folks were all pretty disappointed they hadn't gotten the job, and sensed a bit of tension.
So I said something like, "Well, hey you guys - I hope you all realize now the importance of learning Spanish in this field..." (The guy who'd interviewed them all had called and told me that my people had placed 1st, 2nd, and 3rd out of 25 interviewees).
Later on, someone scolded me about how "insensitive" I'd been, and asked if I really thought the young lady's being Hispanic had anything to do with her getting the job.
ME: No - I never said that. I was stressing the importance of..."
HER: But that's probably what she heard you say. You really should be more careful what you say.
Ay, carumba.
Haven't picked a restaurant yet. My cell is out of batteries and I haven't remembered to recharge it. I'll do so tonight. But yes, we're on, and I'll figure out someplace to eat.
In my mind, the PC essentials:
1) If the terminology requirements are reasonable and accurate, use them as a matter of politeness.
2) Don't make invalid stereotypical assumptions based on race, religion, gender, orientation, and alternative lifestyles. (this last is probably an Only in California thing).
The first rule is more a matter of keeping up with current trends. On the second rule, most Americans can manage to avoid violations on race and religion, but gender, orientation, and alternative lifestyles require years of training.
When PC Got Weird:
1) When the terminology became communist in its attempts to control reality.
2) When you couldn't mention race, religion, gender, orientation, or alternative lifestyles (this is the one that bit you, Joe). Unless, of course, it was to scream about an injustice done, naturally.
Aytch--hey. I just got that comment. Funny.
How do you know about "polite circles"?
How do you know about "polite circles"?
Since a federal appeals court in San Francisco ruled last month that a 50-year prison sentence for a videotape thief was cruel and unusual punishment, public defenders across the state have been digging up old cases to mount the first broad challenge to California's three-strikes law in years.
CA 3 Strikes -OUT
A venue with jexter, Calgal and C.D. was a polite circle? It is to laugh.
The Associated Press
Published: Dec 16, 2001
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) -A newspaper publisher's commencement speech was drowned out by hecklers when she mentioned threats to civil liberties posed by the federal government's investigation of the terrorist attacks.
Janis Besler Heaphy, president and publisher of The Sacramento Bee, was delivering the midyear graduation address Saturday to about 17,000 people at California State University in Sacramento.
When Heaphy raised questions about racial profiling, limits on civil rights and the establishment of military tribunals, the audience interrupted by clapping and stomping their feet for five minutes.
University President Don Gerth tried to quiet the audience, but Heaphy stopped speaking after more loud heckling erupted.
Heaphy told The Sacramento Bee afterward that the hecklers were merely blaming the messenger.
"This was a message about civil liberties and our acceptance of differing points of view in American society," she said. "It's a message that needs to continue to be heard."
Gerth blamed the interruption on students' family members and friends and said some students apologized to Heaphy after the ceremony.
"Our students have a right to hear our speaker," Gerth said. "It is a day I will never forget. I am not proud of it."
Heaphy's speech will be posted in its entirety Monday on the university's Web site, Gerth said.
Heaphy said she plans to continue to voice her concerns about potential civil liberties violations.
I suspect Heaphy actually believes this. I think it is somewhat of an occupational hazard for those with privileged access to media to think that because their message is louder, it is better. When they run into somebody else who can speak louder than they can, it confuses them no end.
And it probably did confuse the speaker, who up until that incident might have felt this was still a country where differing views could be stated freely.
Of course it is speaking louder. Claiming it isn't is demonstrating a complete indifference to reality.
it's an attempt to stifle those whose message the heckler feels is unworthy of being heard.
Oh, the poor oppressed publisher of a major newspaper, who has so little opportunity to express her views! Again, a total disregard for reality.
And it probably did confuse the speaker, who up until that incident might have felt this was still a country where differing views could be stated freely.
Of course this is a country where differing views can be expressed freely. You and I are doing it right here, and she could join us at any time. On the other hand, none of the people who had come to the graduation of their loved ones will be able to freely express their views in the privileged manner that Heaphy does every day of the week. They are, however, allowed to freely express themselves in the manner that they exercised. Boo-hoo for you that you can't silence them.
I have to wonder how many of the people who are terrified of Ashcroft are projecting their own totalitarian desires on the Attorney General.
I am NOT making this up. It's a basic tenet of his brand of Southern Baptist Theocracy.
Not if the speaker was any sort of self-respecting leftist. College speech is strictly controlled these days, due to their efforts.
Too bad about the behavior, but any editor stupid enough to go to a commuter college and talk peacenik politics can stand to be taught a lesson or two.
I certainly won’t get a taste of reality from you.
those hecklers have just as much chance to speak their minds on a forum like this one as you or I.
Of course, that was never in question.
And they can write letters to the editor of any newspaper or publication and make their views known.
Still waiting for a point.
Rudely shouting down a speaker who is an invited guest is not making your views known;
Of course it is. I have a hard time believing you are making this claim in good faith.
it is keeping someone else from expressing theirs at that time.
On no! The publisher of a newspaper, who was privileged to speak her mind from a podium to a captive audience, who had the complete text of her opinion posted in the internet, was not able to control all of the speech occuring at that time. You do not appear to understand what free speech is.
You, by denying these people the right to express their views when they did, are keeping someone else from expressing their opinion at that time. You do not appear to understand logic any more than you do free speech.
I am not denying them the right to express themselves. I just think they might make their point more clearly and be taken more seriously were they to do so less rudely.
That is possible, but unlikely. If, as seems likely, their point was that they thought the speaker was talking bunk, and it was inappropriate for their graduation ceremony, there is hardly a way it could have been presented more clearly, or taken more seriousely, than by their direct expression then and there.
Then perhaps I need to re-think my position.
In both cases the behavior is not the best. The main difference would be that one is spontanious while the other is planned. But I agree with all posters above because I am in a great mood. Off to golf.
But this is exactly what happened in this case. It's just that the spontaneous response happened to drown out the speech.
Completely fair.
BWUAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah right ... I'm just a seething cauldron of unrealized totalitarian impulses JUST because I notice that Ashcroft has a tendency to ignore the niceties of living in a country were we have specific civil liberties guaranteed by our constitution.
You’ve been studying a bit to hard at the Rush Limbaugh School of “If I say it loud enough and often enough it’s true” School of Logic. Now why don’t you wonder if I’m a depressed because I noticed the sky was blue.
Hard to debate hand claps and foot stomping, or to discern much speech there, other than "we won't let you speak."
OTOH, college students have actually been opponents of free speech at other times. Yalies refused to let William Jennings Bryan speak on campus by shouting football cheers at the turn of the previous century.
Dan Quayle spoke at a rally here in the summer of '92 which I attended, wearing a Clinton/Gore t-shirt. I didn't heckle him, but my provocative act proved too much for an ardent elderly fan, who began to hit me over the head with her Bush/Quayle sign. Once I noticed what she was doing (it took a while because she was about 4' tall and 57 lbs.), I ratted her out to a nearby policeman, to whom she claimed irresistible impulse as he wrote her a ticket for disturbing the peace. When that didn't work, she accused me of violating her First Amendment rights by turning her in.
It was a spontaneous response by the audience. It's not like they chose the editor and the audience came prepared to boo the speaker down. Thus it meets your criteria.
Suppose the speaker was saying "This war is a great war; we are killing all the sand niggers." Would you tsk tsk a spontaneous reaction that drowned her out?
hahahahaha!
It would have been nice if the protesters would have followed the example of the aging radicals who spoke their piece, left in protest, and continued their speech outside the hall. I would have recomended this approach to the graduates.
First off, I don't like heckling and drowning out speeches. So I'm not really sticking up for the graduates and their audience.
On the other hand, it is their graduation day, and I think it is inconsiderate of the speaker to introduce a controversial topic. Why should they have to get up and leave, during their own graduation? Why isn't the speaker to be considered the rude one, for ruining the day?
Had it been a scheduled speech I would agree with you--any attendees who came solely for the purpose of drowning out the speaker would be acting inappropriately. And this, as you know, is done on college campuses constantly these days. The left is far worse than the right about thought and speech control.
But a graduation? They had no idea what the speaker was going to discuss, and even if they did, the event had an actual purpose that didn't involve the speaker. The reaction was, apparently, spontaneous. Therefore it meets your criteria as counter-speech and is completely fair. Unless you are now contradicting yourself.
The editor had introduced a topic that is by no means uncontroversial at a commencement speech, and that while it might be nice to expect the graduates and their audience to sit on their hands and grit their teeth, it is not entirely realistic.
That depends upon what you mean by "get along". I post because I am interested in why I see things one way and other people see it another. If you explain why you see things the way you do, I am frequently polite and surprisingly informative.
Otherwise, I tend to get a little grumpy.
If you have a different reason for posting, I encourage you to ignore my posts, and I apologize in advance for the additional scrolling.
I don’t know why anybody cares about misspelling, minor grammatical errors or typos in a venue like this one. I’m pleasantly surprised when people post reasonably coherent thoughts.
Don't let the liberals drive you off the Mote. They are great believers in freedom of speach, as long as it is what they agree with. Wonkers2 usualy is polite, but not always.
Also, the speech was not controversial (it's posted at the Sacramento Bee's website and the college website). In fact, it looks boring as hell, with a lot of predictable platitudes about not surrendering our constitutional rights in the interest of security.
How is it that any mention of "not surrendering our constitutional rights" isn't controversial? It certainly is. Anyone listening will instantly convert that to "Ashcroft is a nazi" and react accordingly, depending on their agreement or lack thereof.
(Although maybe it is to the writer of the aforementioned Wall Street Journal article - he describes the speaker as "speaking on behalf of the civil liberties of terrorists.")
Sure it is. Right at the moment, it's a code word for a big debate, and the speaker made it clear that he's in the "Ashcroft is a Nazi" camp.
It is either a codeword and thus reflects a manipulative dishonesty inappropriate to such an event, or it is so banal as to be inappropriate for such an event. In either case, foot stomping is the reasonable, if rude, reaction of free people.
Only one who wanted him was our college pres, who just wanted to be able to say she pulled it off. Supposedly she had some connection or other. It didn't pan out.
It all turned out to be a blur anyway, as it was hot as hell that day, my champagne exploded while we were waiting in line, forcing me to drink it earlier than I'd planned. I got a really goofy sunburn and I think a mild case of heatstroke.
Graduations also often have at least one family of morons who woof and whistle when their family member gets a diploma. It's "their" event no more or less than it is anyone else's who's sharing the same experience in the belief that it deserves a certain amount of dignity and who would rather not have the freaky sideshows on their videotape.
A speaker at a rally is fair game, and I agree that a speaker ought not to use a celebratory ceremony as an excuse to climb on a soapbox before a captive audience, but unless it's a tirade or very extreme statement, a few remarks (and certainly those don't sound worth disruptive protests) could be endured in relative silence. Lack of applause at the end would make a pretty effective statement of disapproval.
Maybe I'm a cynic after attending so many graduations, but personally I think high schools and universities should hire bouncers.
It was George Lincoln Rockwell....uless he brought along an easel and paint set.
Santa Cruz, Ca. passed an ordinance forbidding an employer from refusing to hire an ugly person. And it shoud be obvious that ugly people need to work, and eat (doing too much of that is often what makes them ugly) just like the rest of us.
What is really beginning to irk me is that it seems that many women on T.V. news are being hired for their looks. Fox is about the worst in this regard.
Of course, they are nice to look at, I admit, but I always suspect it is just their beauty that got them that job. There's this one, Laurie Doux, pronounced Do. Evie takes one look at her and says, "Do indeed, I think Laurie DID."
Take a look at some of female reporters; they aren't always killers, at least in a positive way. There's that one, Helen something, you know, the one who looks like the frog footman. By god, I know she is on T.V. by accident.
CNN has a few that wouldn't run in Ms. Arkansas (no offense, Arky). But I'm sure they have some faxes on too.
I'm not saying it should go as far as Santa Cruz, but maybe they could hire some uglys with a law being passed.
Detroit, MI
Atlanta, GA
St. Louis, MO
Baltimore, MD
Gary, IN
Camden, NJ
Tampa, FL
West Palm Beach, FL
Compton, CA
Memphis, TN
I've been there (and Inglewood), what a nightmare!
What is it that makes one critique "bashing" and not another?
Ashcroft declaring that disagreement with the government is equivalent to aiding and abetting terrorism is bashing, for example.
Practically everything the loopy left has said is a bash of one sort or another.
Having grown up two towns/just a couple miles away from Gary, I am gratified to see it still making lists like that. Wonder who published it.
No sarcasm intended. I don't use the term bashing, myself, and I can't tell if it has a real meaning, or if it is a completely throw-away term.
Speaking of loopy, I had a dream about you last night! I dreamt that I went to your house and had lobster with your salsa. You were wearing the halter-top as a joke, but it turned out that you really did like it (and you wore a baseball hat?). I kept trying to get your recipes from you, but you wanted to go to the Texas Rangers game.
WEIRD!!
Jen
Your dream is a bit muddled. Last night I was wearing lobster and salsa and eating the halter top.
Not much point in discussing it, then, if you don't understand what the word means and want to define it any old way you want.
Thusly do the environmental extremists throw away their credibility. Interesting that this article identifies Pinocchio Bore as lending his name to at least two distinct environmental frauds here.
You mean I shouldn't trust the Democrats in Congress to sniff out any possible hint of complicity on their own? Not that they have, of course.
Berating Osama bin Laden for not understanding that DC and New York voted for Gore and weren't the enemy is loopy.
Blaming gays and the like for 9/11 is loopy (and I said so, above). But in fact, Falwell's comment was an anomaly--which is supported by how many conservatives instantly came down on him like a ton of bricks.
Spending a ton of money to get Clinton out of office is not loopy. It's mean, it's ugly, and it's unpleasant. But it is a coherent action, logical goal, sensible followthrough.
Wanting to stop immigration and expecting or demanding them for not adopting "American" ways is politically incorrect. It is hateful if you are an immigrant. It is not even necessarily incorrect, although that is debatable. It certainly isn't loopy; it suggests a problem and presents a solution that is coherent and related.
Wanting to support religious strictures through secular rules through the democratic process is, unfortunately, American and not even a little bit loopy. Their success is one of the reasons you hate them so much.
You seem to define "loopy" as political extremes, particularly those you disagree with.
C'mon. He brought most of it on himself. If he'd been Hubert Humphrey, there wouldn't have been even of whiff of impeachment in the air.
Nothing much new here, but there is one stat that was useful to know:
Among all married couples, about 22 percent of the wives earn more than their husbands, according to the government's Current Population Survey. But among couples in which the wife earned $100,000 or more, 68 percent of the wives outearned the husbands.
All that talent being flushed out of the gene pool...
How about the sort who realize a killer of 5 children is a criminal, no matter the sex of that killer?
Technically, that is only true of the people Erin knows...there are probably a few she doesn't know who are married. ;-)
Being currently single, and this being my primary retirement investment, and also knowing that in divorce, the guy usually has his house taken away from him, would I be considered negatively by the average woman if I went for a prenup protecting my retirement investment?
I have a feeling that if you profile women who make six figure incomes, it will turn out that they will profile similarly whether married or single, kids or no.
IOW, a married woman with two kids making $200K would have more similarities with a single woman making $200K than a married woman with two kids who made $40K.
I'm talking about values, priorities, decision factors, etc.
Simon and the girl got along very well all weekend, and I kept thinking about how well they played together everytime the woman dropped them off.
Well, last night when the woman dropped our kid off, they stayed and visited for a while. The woman mentioned that her daughter loves the movie "Aladdin," and wants to grow up to marry a prince. The mother, instead of nipping that shit in the bud, says things like, "OK, because I want to be able to retire."
Then I thought, "Gee, maybe I ought to keep this little girl away from my son..."
Eliminate those sort of income concerns and marital and parental status become less of a factor.
One caveat: I am not talking about family income, but individual income. Therefore a woman who married someone making a six figure income and doesn't work will probably profile quite differently from a woman who makes her own six figures.
*slap!*
Probably. And yes, I think a pre-nup is very sensible, but not very popular.
Frankly, I am not sure I'd marry because of the financial considerations. Nothing wrong with shacking up.
I don't know if she's obviously a little gold digger, but mom's foolish choices have obviously not hit home with her yet, if she's encouraging the fantasies.
It would be nice if mom wasn't encouraging the child to live in fantasy land. Three is not too young to learn that she should be prepared to take care of herself someday.
Excepting Scrooge McDuck, that is.
You might be right but it certainly sounds dreary...I think kids grow up fast enough as it is.
How about the equally compelling fantasy of being successful enough to buy her own castle? And I disagree that kids grow up fast enough as it is.
And what you're talking about has nothing whatsoever to do with what I'm talking about, which is teaching young children that when they grow up they will have to take care of themselves, and not rely on a mate.
We disagree...no biggie.
Thank you. There are certainly things I see in stores that I wouldn't want my kid wearing, but there's a very prudish attitude out there now. Hell, someone on TT made a comment about capri pants being inappropriate a while back. Kids can't even show ankles now?
Shannon, I'm not talking about a glimpse of stocking being something shocking, like an old maiden auntie shocked by a belly button. I'm talking about something altogether different.
I wore those as a kid.
As for the problem Erin mentions, I'm not sure there's much to be done about it, although I certainly agree it is upsetting. So long as women actually can marry and obtain income and this is presented as desirable, it makes sense that little girls would see marrying a prince as just an extension of that outcome--I want to marry for money, but I want it to be a lot of money.
The mom may have just been joking; if not, that is a drag.
Were you wearing that sort of thing to be sexy at the age of six?
I think it's a bit much to say that a 3 year old who wants to marry a prince and live in a castle is going to grow up to be a wuffless skank like her mom. Geez.
The world is a sad place if we can't let kids have fantasies for at least a little while.
I did that with my little sister, who is definitely the princess sort. My stepmother always gets annoyed at me. Odd, since she has worked most of her life.
As for sexy clothing on children, I think it's sad that our society sexulaizes kids. I used to be able to walk to the corner store in my bathing suit when I was 9. With all of the perverts out there, it's not smart to allow your child to walk anywear with just a bathing suit on.
Mind you, if I'm shopping for myself, I have no trouble finding jumpers and cartoon characters, but for a toddler, it's all teenybopper clothes.
This is not to say that there isn't clothing that I think is too provacative. But I don't think that short shorts or halter tops automatically fall into that catetgory.
Three years old is too young to even comprehend "grown up" let alone supporting one's self.
These are not appropriate for little girls.
Oh, I don't think shorts and halter tops are bad; I meant the Britnay Spears inspired sort of slutwear. I saw a little girl at the mall, couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 and she had on really low cut jeans and a spangly halter...she looked cute but overly exposed for that age, considering it was freezing out.
I think girls logically choose the easiest route to riches. Where socialization enters into it is in making it not only acceptable, but desirable, for a girl at a very early age to understand that the easiest way to easy living is to sell herself off. What makes it fantasy is that she hasn't yet realized her sale price.
Lay that foundation later, let a three year old be a three year old.
So on one hand you say it's okay if a girl fantasizes about selling herself rather than working for a living, on the other you complain that little girls shouldn't be sexualizing themselves--which is nothing more than a way of increasing one's value for that sale.
They don't get it at first, but they do get it eventually.
If you're talking to me, you're misunderstanding things.
My point is that a three year olf should be a three year old. Let the kid play, let the kid want to be a nurse or a fireman or whatever. The kid can't comprehend adult self-reliance or balancing checkbooks, or your marriage-as-a financial-whoredom.
Let 'em play and be kids, quit trying to turn them into adults so fast.
No, if you are referring to me I didn't say I wanted little girls to grow up and marry princes...I said I didn't think they needed to be indoctrinated so young into becoming bread winners. I think there should be a little time in their lives when they can dream about being a princess, if they so desire, not that they should fix on that and have it as a lifes goal later.
And I offer no apologies for thinking little girls shouldn't be sexualized via clothing at such early ages...it isn't like pedophiles need any encouragement, is it? Besides, most if not all of this type of dressing is laid at the feet of the mothers...they buy the stuff for the kids, usually.
I can honestly picture you ripping a doll out of a child's hand and lecturing her on why Barbie is bad, and then suggesting she carry a briefcase instead to learn autonomy and project an elevated sense of self at the ripe old age of two.
How is it, exactly, that you think dressing in heels is any different from saying "I want to marry a prince?"
They are both expressions of adult desires. So why is one okay and the other not--except that you think one is okay and the other isn't?
Most boys want to be president, should we discourage them from dreaming that too??
As for high heels on girls aged 4, yep, I think they're inappropriate.
Is a boy being "indoctrinated" if he says he wants to be a fireman? Do you reassure him that he doesn't need to worry about what he does for a living?
I didn't say I wanted little girls to grow up and marry princes...
Read what I said again, because you misquoted, and it's quite possible you have therefore misunderstood. You think it is okay for little girls to want to grow up to marry princes, but apparently it is not okay for them to dress in a way that they think will attract princes. But they are both expressions of a desire for adulthood, so why the inconsistency?
And I offer no apologies for thinking little girls shouldn't be sexualized via clothing at such early ages...it isn't like pedophiles need any encouragement, is it?
I think you need to read up on pedophiles. If you think that those that are attracted to very young girls are enticed by the desire to be grownups, you aren't grasping the basics.
FAIRY TALE FOR WOMEN OF THE 21st CENTURY
Once upon a time,
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat,
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and setup housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever
feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night,
as the princess dined sumptuously
on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and shallot cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't freaking think so.
Abs,
I've read it before and loved it! I love it still. Thanks for posting.
Gosh. Look who got personal. To say nothing of it being both inaccurate and dishonest--I am no feminist. But then, all three are par for the course.
Kids drink alcohol and smoke as expressions of a desire for adulthood, should we encourage them in all things consistent with the notion?
You're joking? Marriage isn't an adult desire?
Hahahahahahahahaha!
No, we shouldn't. And your question demonstrates that you are still missing the point.
Do you understand the difference between wanting to make your own fortune and wanting to sell yourself to get one? One is much easier than the other, and doesn't require working for a living.
And you are continually failing to grasp the point, but in case there is someone who can actually track:
I have said it is entirely logical for girls to want to marry princes. Why bother making your own money when you can find someone else to do it for you? This is a message sent constantly and unceasingly to girls in our society, so it makes perfect sense that they would latch onto this. The boy doesn't have this as a fantasy because boys are expected to do the heavy lifting. But girls are taught that they can sell themselves.
So just as the boy fantasizes the greatest job--ie, something that requires him to support himself--the girl fantasizes that she hits the jackpot and sells herself for a fortune.
As long as women are regularly able to trade themselves for money, little girls will continue to have this fantasy. I consider it entirely normal.
A three year old boy expressing the desire to be a fireman isn't thinking of the paycheck, I'd be willing to bet.
If you think that those that are attracted to very young girls are enticed by the desire to be grownups, you aren't grasping the basics.
You aren't grasping what I'm saying, Cal...I said they need no encouragement. I said nothing about them craving a more adult victim. If you think pedophiles aren't attracted to little girls dressed sexily, how do you explain so many of them hanging out around those Pageants the south is so famous for...how explain them ordering photos from the Pageants websites?
Ask a few three year olds how much they understand this equation some time....
Re" becoming president.
Think of how destructive it is on all of the boys out there. Their psyches cannot handle the imminent failure of such unrealistic goals as becoming president or Michael Jordan. By fostering such "dreams", you're encouraging them to fail with certainty.
They know that marriage is what mommies and daddies do. They know that daddies work and lots of mommies don't. They are fantasizing about what they want to be when they grow up--and what they want to do is make a way better marriage than mommy did and sell themselves for a lot more.
Contrast it to what boys fantasize--you think it's coincidence that boys fantasize about what they will do and girls about who will do for them? Of course not.
Fantasies demonstrate what kids pick up about the world around them. They want the coolest and best world that has the least amount of work and gets the most amount of praise. For girls, the clear signal is that selling herself is an accomplishment in and of itself. Who on earth would want to work if they could get money without working and be admired and petted?
Boys have no such out, so they just fantasize about the coolest jobs.
For example, many kids these days probably know adults who shack up. Jen, if a kid said "Oh, I don't want to get married, I'll just live with someone like so-and-so," would you accuse the parents of making her grow up too fast if they said "Oh, but we believe people should be married first"? Why can't she have her little fantasy and figure out what really matters later?
Oh boy...yeah, I know at three I was certainly thinking that way.
How terrible!
They are fantasizing about what they want to be when they grow up--and what they want to do is make a way better marriage than mommy did and sell themselves for a lot more.
Cites please.
Contrast it to what boys fantasize--you think it's coincidence that boys fantasize about what they will do and girls about who will do for them? Of course not.
More cites please.
Fantasies demonstrate what kids pick up about the world around them. They want the coolest and best world that has the least amount of work and gets the most amount of praise.
So?
For girls, the clear signal is that selling herself is an accomplishment in and of itself. Who on earth would want to work if they could get money without working and be admired and petted?
This can be said for men too, and you're grossly stereotyping.
Boys have no such out, so they just fantasize about the coolest jobs.
Boys don't fantasize about jobs much. They usually play hard when they're kids.
God all fucking mighty. No. He's thinking of the fame and the admiration. Besides, I bet you any amount of money if you questioned him closely about his desires they would also contain a cool car and a huge house--not some little ranch house in a bedroom community.
I said they need no encouragement.
I know what you said. Your ignorance is demonstrating in thinking that a small child dressed as an adult encourages a pedophile.
Jen,
Think of how destructive it is on all of the boys out there. Their psyches cannot handle the imminent failure of such unrealistic goals as becoming president or Michael Jordan. By fostering such "dreams", you're encouraging them to fail with certainty.
I realize it is convenient to pull an argument out of your ass because it suits your limited arsenal of rebuttals. But since I've made no such argument and indeed, am entirely uninterested in it, you're wasting your time and your extremely inadequate sarcasm.
You've twice now stated a NOW argument and attributed it to me. I'm assuming it's dishonesty, but perhaps you're just stupid.
You were if you fantasized about marrying someone rich.
Don't you remember? I was fantasizing about marrying for love...and I did.
Wtf is your point? Could you make it clear for once instead of arguing everything to death?
Snowowl and Judith have it right IMO. Erin and especially YOU seem to be a little too preoccupied with discerning anti-feminist mindsets in children where none exist. You grossly stereotype little girls and categorize them in a disgusting way, yet you fail to see your own hypocrisy when it comes to little boys.
I have to ask myself the same question Marsha asks when speaking to you.
Why bother?
I'm off to make dinner. Have a good night ladies.
This is untrue. If you are going to restate my opinions, do it accurately. Otherwise, retract.
Could you make it clear for once instead of arguing everything to death?
I did make it clear. You just are unable to understand it.
You grossly stereotype little girls and categorize them in a disgusting way, yet you fail to see your own hypocrisy when it comes to little boys.
No, I do not. That you see my last post as such is evidence that you don't understand.
I don't think I am the only person who gets this from your posts. You reveal much more than just what you post, as do we all.
I am stating what you have revealed, not your opinions verbatum.
I didn't get to be the mommy during the infrequent times we played house because I was either the youngest or I lost out to my friend Glenn, who even then liked to dress in women's clothing, meaning I played the baby or a household pet. Mostly we played cops & robbers (a robber), cowboys & Indians (an Indian), or hotel (Eloise).
Of course, we also liked to slide down an icy hill that ended abruptly in a brick wall and jump down as many stairs as wouldn't (necessarily) kill us, so perhaps I'm not exactly part of the normal distribution.
Unless there is some physical attraction, it mus be hard work to live with someone chosen only because he or she has money. Earning one's living, however small it can be, seems to me easier.
And for the record... I have also had a fantasy or too about marrying a princess.
Play is play. How a child reacts to fantasy is probably a whole lot different than how an adult reacts to it. What may be more important is how long does a child hold on to a fantasy, how is it being reinforced, and how do adults react to it.
Pedophiles are probably nuts... and are there are probably pedophiles who are attracted to non-princess types.
I also don't think it's inherently wrong for someone to have the goal to be a mom and manage a household. More power to them... I hardly think it's an unrewarding lifestyle choice... nor do I think it's not work. It's hard work if you ask me.
A woman who is fixated on money, rather than love, gets what she gets. Teach the 'princesses' that it's love and family that matters, not the net-worth of the prince.
iiibbb,
I had dreams much likes yours. I went through a princess stage, a painter stage, a ballerina stage, the president of the US stage, the supreme court judge stage, and so on.
I also went through an Aladdin stage, I really, really wanted a genie and a magic carpet. I also wanted a pet lion that could speak ( a la The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe), and I wanted a bean stock.
P.S. Thanks, iiibbb!
I was not like most other little girls.
So I think you may be on to something, Erin, at least in our two cases: you are successful, make tons of money, and live in a big house. I'm married to a handsome man who has taken me to different parts of world; I owned horses when I was young and I now collect all sorts of old stuff which many consider as odd as dinosaur bones.
I think the best we say for any of our dreams is that we wanted to be happy and we are.
So now I'm a researcher avoiding people in my office.
I think it is useful to tell little girls and little boys if you think their choices are unrealistic or undesirable.
A boy says "I want to be a firefighter!" I'd still point out that firefighters don't make much money, so I guess he doesn't want any of those cool cars he plays with. A girl says "I want to marry a prince!" I'd point out that I hope she had a backup plan, since there aren't that many princes or other rich men, and if she doesn't marry someone rich what happens if she runs out of money?
I don't really do this to affect their life choices. I just love the perplexed look that comes across their face as they process this information.
The point to be made about little kids and their fantasies is that they reflect their limited knowledge of the options available to them. Some kids think outside the box, others stay within it. It's not that girls choose to marry a prince, but that boys never choose to marry a rich princess who will keep him well-provided for. Why? Because they know it is not an admired option, just as girls know they will win much admiration and fame if they marry a prince.
Whether or not there is something wrong with this is irrelevant. What is difficult to deny that the difference exists, and that the difference is due to the fact that girls and boys both pick up on the notion that it's okay for girls--and only girls--to live off of someone else.
I was appalled that even though LD has been raised in a family where Mom has always been the bread-winner, she has made statements to me that indicate an assumption that she will be supported by her husband. The influence of the media and peers is awesome. It doesn't hurt to make comments to challenge the assumption. I don't know how much it helps, but it sure doesn't hurt.
Naturally, LD is old enough that we had a frank and long discussion about her fantasy of marrying a guy rich enough to support her while she pursues fame as an artist. She ruefully acknowledged that it was just a fantasy and she is aware of the odds.
If a 3-yr-old LD has told me she wanted to grow up and marry a Prince, I would have played along by saying things like, "So, if you marry a Prince, what does that make you?" "What will you do while you're married to your Prince?"
In our last town, LD had a friend who was sent to school by her Mom with fully done-up teased big hair, color-coordinated dresses with matching bows and shoes and tights - in Kindergaten through second grade! Poor kid never hung upside down on the monkey bars witht he rest of the girls. The kid had a SAHM who wouldn't answer the door without being fully armoured with big hair and heavy make-up.
I let LD play over there anyway. I didn't think LD would be permanently scarred by exposure to a different lifestyle.
So, if I was in Erin's shoes, I'd be shaking my head over how the 3-yr-old's fantasy reflects society's influence on expectation. But I'd let my son play with the kid if they got along and enjoyed each other's company.
Wombette (7) wants to be an artist and soccer player.
Yes, those types should be taken out and shot, definitely. Just a drag on society, huh?
One area that must be hurting now that the SAHM is more rare is volunteer organizations. EG, it was a bunch of SAHMs who saved Mount Vernon.
Judith, you really must stop misstating my position. I do not consider staying at home a bad choice. I consider it to be a bad and irresponsible choice to have children that you can't provide for without reliance on someone else. If you can't state this accurately, then it's best to stop it entirely.
And your snide, passive-aggressive behavior is extremely childish.
I am not misstating your position...there ARE other people in the world.
I don't choose to think it is me. I choose to think that "some might say" is an extremely passive aggressive thing to say. That's because it is, particularly in the sense that you use it. There is also nothing even remotely "innocuous" about your form of expression, regardless of who it is aimed at.
And no, you are misstating my position, since you already said the same thing earlier and haven't yet retracted.
Jeez....I'm crushed. And I'm NOT retracting anything. How's THAT for being less passive aggressive, sweetheart?
I have nothing against that lifestyle choice for those lucky enough to be able to make it. I agree that the responsible thing to do if you choose to do that is to make financial arrangements that ensure the children will be supported until adulthood in the event the breadwinner of the family dies, leaves, becomes disabled, or can no longer support the family for some reason.
I also agree that our society has become dependent on the free labor provided by women who did not have to have a paid job to support themselves and their children. Good, bad, or indifferent, the change to more women working has impacted society. I think in many cases that impact is overstated because of the skewed socioeconomic perspective of the people looking at the issue. The number of women who "stayed home" with the kids has, imo, been overstated, as has the length of the time period occupied by this phenomena. Certainly, women worked in the fields, in cottage industry, and then in factories - they just weren't white upper-middle-class women.
The mother of LD's friend that I mentioned in my story above was someone I found odd, but not because of the fact that she chose to stay at home. Nope. It was the high teased hair, heavy make-up, dressing her daughter in clothes impossible to play in without ruining them, having a picture perfect room with glorious toys in it for the girl, but not allowing her to play with any of the toys or even sit on her own bed, that I found odd.
Oh, come now, Snow. You are saying that there is no difference between being a lawyer "reliant" on having clients and a person who has never made a living being reliant on a husband or a government check? Seriously?
If you actually mean this, I guess you need a primer on investment. But I'm hoping you've made some sort of mistake.
I don't think the impact is that overstated; I do think that the impact varies by socioeconomic status. The middle class was the most affected and there are more of them than everyone else.
Granted, it is the one in reach of most people who find themselves in that position, but it's not the only way.
Also, it is possible to be a SAHM and still maintain a skillset for employment. It may not be easy, but it's possible.
I would urge my daughter, were she to be thinking of making that choice, to do so with her eyes open and to make sure her ducks were in a row to support herself and the kids if something happens to Dad-the-breadwinner.
If something happens to mom or dad, and the remaining parent is not prepared to provide for the child(ren), then the child suffers unneccessarily because one parent decided to procreate before they could provide for their children.
Accidents happen too. If one parent dies in an car crash, was that parent irresponsible? What if the stay at home mom dies suddenly leaving the father in a situation in which he has to find a different job in order to suddenly be able to take care of the kid(s)?
Life happens, accidents aren't predictable. I say that staying at home, if possible, is the best thing you can do for your baby.
If (s)he didn't have life insurance? Sure. Now consider that the odds of getting divorced are far higher than the odds of dying and you'll get the idea.
What if the stay at home mom dies suddenly leaving the father in a situation in which he has to find a different job in order to suddenly be able to take care of the kid(s)?
He won't have to get a different job. He'll put them in daycare or hire a nanny/housekeeper.
Yes.
However, maintaining the ability to hold down a job that will support you and your kids is the option easily available to most middle- and lower-income families.
I think this is an excellent idea; how odd that the French would think of it first.
But in any event, the concept interests me. Maybe it should be a criminal matter, though. Put people in jail if they knowingly have a baby that will be severely disabled, rather than have an abortion.
Thankfully this will not likely happen, either.
Judith--well, there's more than the right in this country. I suspect abortion politics are about to change again. Not tremendously, but it hasn't been a hot button issue for women, provided that they have the rigth to an abortion. But most middleclass women have been choosing to have the baby in an unexpected pregnancy, since the economy was so good. If the recession and higher unemployment lasts for any length of time, that could change things.
The other big issue that makes this relevant is health care. The cost of supporting severely retarded or otherwise damaged children is pretty significant. Give Joe Q Public a choice between cutting their healthy kids' well-baby checkups and encouraging abortion by putting irresponsible mothers in jail, you never know.
It's not as though he has as little influence as someone who ISN'T president...
With a touch of irony, the Republican presidents choose "conservative" justices because socially, they are more likely to be "conservative"; however, this does not automatically translate into being judicially conservative in the same sense. Conservative judges are more likely to stick to the letter of the law without room for interpretation and personal bias. The conservative judge will stick with the law and precedence when it comes to issus like abortion. Whereas, a "liberal" judge will be the complete opposite.
But anyway, CalGal, "severely disabled" is subjective and the whole argument about jailing the mothers is ridiculous. Thankfully, we don't have to deal with widespread lunacy like that. Yet anyway. Maybe the next Democratic president will put it on his list for things to do.
Can you honestly deny the right would be opposed to something like that law in France? Why must you turn everything into something difficult? If Liberals opposed abortion, I would have said liberals rather than the right. Anyone would have. But because I said it, I am given a lecture and accused of "veiled bitching".
I guess you feel have to maintain your edge but you may as well give it up. I'm going to continue to post and continue to take whatever you dish out...it just seems like such a waste of time to constantly be at each others throats. Why don't we start over and try to tolerate each other?
Historically true, but there is a new, growing class of "conservative" judges who are also activist, willing to overturn precedents (at least recent precedents).
Maybe my reading skills are deficient or I need some more caffiene. When I read the article, I thought it said the courts ruled in favor of the boy's right not to be born, so the French Legislature has passed a law that you cannot sue for damages for the sole fact of birth.
So, what are you saying can't happen here? That a court can make a judgement that will promt the Legislature to pass a law against this sort of lawsuit?
How does that encourage abortion?
Maybe I read it wrong...
The doctors were absolutely positive my brother would be severely mentally damaged due to the convulsions my mother had while pregnant.
He has a PhD in Chemical Engineering, is doing Research and Development for a major company and has a lovely wife, son and new baby on the way.
In fact, the doctors told my brother and SIL while she was pregnant that there was a high probability that their baby had a serious problem.
Those doctors were wrong, too.
Do you think medical science will be able to come up with a foolproof method of predicting which much-less-than-perfect baby will grow upto be a Steven Hawkings and which one will be a useless burden on his/her family and society?
Do you ever wonder why they call it practicing medicine?
Since it supports the notion that all persons deserve the same outcomes, rather than the same opportunities, it is an obviously French type of tyranny. It has nothing to do with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
I didn't think you were, and I wasn't trying to, either. I was just impatient at the idea that everything has to lead back to the bad guy Bush in the White House.
Christi, I thought Stephen Hawkings had ALS. Am I thinking of someone else?
What interests me is the notion that a parent migth have a responsibility to choose an abortion, that an infant has the "right" not to be born in certain situations.
If someone is serious about being better off dead then suing isn't a solution to his problem. His problem is that he lives and that can be fixed any number of ways at any time for most people. Suing his parents is about getting something for nothing in the poor-pity-me game.
No, that's right. The court did rule that:
"Nicolas Perruche, who is deaf, practically blind and severely retarded, should be compensated for his birth" and
some doctors said "they feared they would have to encourage pregnant women to have abortions rather than risk lawsuits.".
So the French Legislature stepped in and passed a law -
"a bill that says "no one can sue for damages for the sole fact of their birth."
The new law, which is expected to clear the Senate on January 22, would mean disabled children would not be able to seek damages simply because they were allowed to be born.
But the plan says doctors will still be held responsible if they fail to diagnose an illness in a pregnant woman.
CalGal - You're right. Bad example.
What appalls me is the notion that you can KNOW, as my examples of my brother and his child show. Until there is a foolproof way to know the outcome of a pregnancy, I don't think there should be any legislation or pressure either way.
I think personal choice in the matter of whether to bring a child into the world is still the best way to go. Of course that is my personal opinion and not binding on anyone else.
There are risks involved in pregnancy. You shouldn't be able to sue a good doctor because you gambled and lost.
Actually, your brother isn't a good example. Measles. Thalidomide. Accutane. Delivery at 24 weeks. All with a very high likelihood of profound retardation and severe disabilities.
MsNo, I can't figure out where you're getting the "I don't like my life so I want to sue my mom" notion. Being born with no sight, no hearing, no mobility, and no brain is a bit more than "Gosh, I'm feeling blue today." To say nothing of the fact that the capacity to commit suicide will never be possible for someone like this.
And in this case, the mother didn't gamble. The doctor told her there was no risk. But I'm more interested in the case where a mother opts to risk. Say a mother who refuses to abort a Thalidomide baby because she is philosophically opposed to abortion. Should she be penalized for the pain she inflicted by bringing her child into the world?
I'm taking it to it's natural conclusion. Who is to say that being born legless is worse than being born armless? Or that either of them are intolerable lives for which SOMEONE owes you compensation? What about if you're blind and deaf and legless but not mentally impaired? What about if you're inclined to mental illness or alcoholism or drug addiction or you get sicle cell or hemophilia? Propensity to cancer and diabetes are both hereditary.
I don't think you should be able to sue because life happened.
In the case of the deaf, blind, crippled and mentally impaired kid who is suing on his behalf? What do they get from it? How does it ease the kid's suffering? How was it decided that he is suffering so much that he would prefer to be dead?
If we're interested in righting a supposed wrong then let's right the wrong not just punch somebody because we're pissed off about it. If you live and you hate it then you should be allowed to die. If you're incapable of bringing this about yourself then you should be able to be assisted. That addresses the real problem which is an unwanted life.
The issue is whether or not there are objective standards by which it can be said that someone is better off not being born, and whether someone should be punished--literally punished, not made to pay--for inflicting such a life.
Start with a simple case: profoundly retarded, blind, deaf, constant seizures, and wheelchair bound. All because the mother refused to have an abortion even though she knew the baby would be born this way.
Should the mother be held legally responsible for not having had an abortion?
can be said that someone is better off not being born, and whether
someone should be punished--literally punished, not made to pay--for
inflicting such a life.
There are not objective standards, and there never will be.
Start with a simple case: profoundly retarded, blind, deaf, constant
seizures, and wheelchair bound.
This is not simple. There are plenty of people alive today who are loved and considered vaulable and in this condition.
All because the mother refused to
have an abortion even though she knew the baby would be born this
way.
In my opinion, if the mother's drug addiction caused the problems, she can be found legally liable for causing the problems, but I do not know what the punishment should be for her.
Should the mother be held legally responsible for not having had an abortion?
Absolutely not.
There is no certainity in these cases until the child is born and often not even then. Many children start off fine and then deteriorate and others whose doom is "certain" live to adulthood and beyond.
Who decides that someone's life is not worth living? I'd say only the individual can decide. There are plenty of people I wouldn't like to live like loooong before we get to legless armless vegetables, but that doesn't mean that I or you or anyone else can decide that their lives are forfeit or that their parents should be punished for bearing them.
There's too much subjective conjecture involved in this to make a law and I'm no more for government decreed abortions than I am for government decreed births.
True enough that there are no pure objective standards. But standards certainly exist. A parent has the option of refusing treatment for a baby delivered at 24 weeks, I believe, but not a full-term baby. That's a standard. Roe vs. Wade is nothing but standards--unlimited abortion rights before 12 weeks, increasingly strict regulations after that.
So whether objective or not, standards are absolutely doable.
There are plenty of people alive today who are loved and considered vaulable and in this condition.
I suspect you misunderstand the term "simple case". It is clearcut, no comparisons of the sort MsNo was bringing up, and an utterly horrific life, whether people love the person or not. Thus a "simple case".
Incidentally, if you are opposing abortion because you think it is murder, then there's not much point in you engaging in the discussion. Abortion is legal and to many people it's not murder. The issue is whether or not the failure to use a legal means to prevent agony like this is acceptable or not. So if you can't disengage your personal feelings about abortion, you're not really engaging in the discussion honestly.
I think it's quite possible to oppose it even if you support abortion, but if you can't get beyond "it's murder", there's not much point.
Sure we would. There are all sorts of reasons when abortion could be made the only rational choice; this was just an interesting instance of it. All things held constant, we would be better off with far more abortions, obviously. And even if you don't think it should be mandated--which I probably don't, either--there are plenty of ways to ensure that it is the logical choice.
For example, a woman who refuses to abort a pregnancy of a fetus that is very likely to live a life blind, deaf, crippled, and severely retarded could certainly be put in jail if that was the outcome, on the grounds that she needlessly and recklessly caused harm to a human being.
It's rubbish and it's all speculatory.
Guess what!? She didn't abort and had a healthy boy with no retardation at all.
But she didn't cause the harm, she simply didn't choose to kill a harmed person. If I pull a maimed, vegetized man out of a truck accident should I be sued because I didn't let him die? What about if I don't save him, but just walk past and don't put him out of his misery?
You haven't said how anyone but the proposed victim can decide that the victim's life is not worth living. What if we have two identical cases except that one kid wants to be dead and the other is content in the life that he lives? Then one kid's mother ----obviously we're not talking about suing the father since the ultimate decision isn't his---- is sued not because she brought a maimed child into the world but because he's deemed himself to be suffering and another woman is not sued because she brought an equally maimed child into the world but he's content.
Just taking it to the next step...
Becasuse the father is not ultimately responsible for whether or not the child is born. Unless he ties the mother up and forces her to bear the child then the final choice to bear or abort lies with her.
Cambridge becomes latest district to integrate by income.
I didn't say you did, nor was I being disingenuous. I was just anticipating a possible issue.
Furthermore, no standards can exist in this issue, because it is such an impassioned one.
Not true. Standards already exist.
No. Abortion is not murder. Let's stipulate before 12 weeks, just to keep it less complicated. She did cause the harm; the harm was caused in allowing the embryo to become a person who would, by definition, suffer grievous harm.
What if we have two identical cases except that one kid wants to be dead and the other is content in the life that he lives?
It's not a matter of "wanting to be dead". That is not the equivalent to "never having been born".
It's also not a matter of what the individual wants, since we're talking about societal response to these actions.
It never fails to amaze me. The schools in Cambridge almost certainly get the same amount of money? So why try to tweak them?
Eventually, school enrollments in the district will be expected to deviate by no more than 5 percentage points from the district's overall percentage of K-8 students who qualify for free or reduced-price meals, which currently is 40 percent.
Supporters of the shift hope to erase existing family-income disparities between schools' student enrollments, which range from about 21 percent to 72 percent of students qualifying for the subsidized meals.
Then every school is at least 20% poor, and at least 28% rich. Which doesn't sound like anyone's being totally isolated anyway.
Says she whose kids are in a district where a number of schools are over 95% poor (using the free lunch definition).
It could. I also see the likelihood of it becoming a tool to wield. Remember all those movies in the 50s and 60s about the shitty rich kids who were rotten to the poor and working class kids? That became less of an issue because income segregation made that disparity far less common. I'm not saying that income segregation is desirable, but I don't think that exposing kids to the various income differences is all sweetness and light.
But in this case, as you say, they are all going to the same high school. I wonder if a lot of the upper income families end up sending their kids to private school at that point?
I mean, what the world needs is one more reason for people to sue each other - another specialty to teach at law school.
And now, with breakthroughs in DNA research, even someone like Stephen Hawking could sue his folks once the disease shows up, because they should have known, and taken proper steps to end the pregnancy.
Yup - great idea.
That doesn't eliminate the advantages of income integrating, obviously. But it may not yield the results desired--meaning in ten years they'll be looking for some other magic pill to eliminate the difference that they attributed first to race, now to SES, next to...?
But I'm talking about telling the parents "No, you really shouldn't have completed the pregnancy."
For example, a parent who refuses to abort a pregnancy with extremely high risk of birth defects can pay a penalty, and insurance won't be provided.
Or a law can prevent minors from being legal parents. If the minor chooses to keep the child, then her parents will be named on the birth certificate, and if those parents are on welfare they are treated exactly as if they had had another child--ie, no new money. Teen won't be able to file for welfare because she's not the parent. Ideally, allow them free abortions, of course.
So there are all sorts of ways to encourage abortion without mandating it and prevent undesired results.
In the past, at least here, parents have not been able to force an unwilling minor to have an abortion.
Yet a parent can prevent an unwilling minor from having an abortion, isn't that odd? (at least in the states with parental consent)
The minor's consent won't be required to put the baby up for adoption in my hypothetical, though, since she won't be the parent of record.
Scroll down to the heading: They must all be nutcases, right?
For the record, you were not 'ripped by mgleason for criticizing the Miami Cuban community,' but for providing a very creditable imitation of Jerry Fallwell assigning blame for the events of 9/11 in the spirit of Protocols of the Elders of Havana.
Obsession is a dangerous thing - it's pushed you right over the edge.
Face it. The exile community has its own agenda, everyone else be-damned. That is a fact which has not gone unnoticed by other ethnic groups, down here. Even the vaunted CANF has acknowledged an "image problem". Like every other non-Cuban in Miami, I sometimes get tired of being treated like dirt for not being Cuban. You can shout "racist" all you want, but I'm not going to shut up about something that is a very real problem. And if you don't think that the problem is real, just read those letters, again.
This is not a one-person social phenomenon: EVERY OTHER ETHNIC GROUP IN MIAMI HATES THE CUBANS, especially the other Hispanics. When I talk to Nicaraguans, Dominicans, Colombians, Venezuelans, Argentinians -- you name the country -- they all express the utmost contempt for the Cuban exiles (as soon as their Cuban bosses are out of earshot).
This is a problem that only the Cuban American community can fix. People like me can't make it better by trying to make "nice." We tried that, and have only gotten more meanness, intransigence, political "lynchings" of non-Cuban public figures, and the oppression of free speech. The latest gem is a proposed ordinance making it illegal for Cuban (from Cuba) artists to perform in a city-funded theater in Little Havana.
I find it interesting that you choose to raise your concerns in a forum where you reach so few people, and are likely to attract the interest of one lone Cuban who isn't even a resident of your blighted community. Surely there are more effective things you can do: Start an anti-Cuban PAC to attract people of the same bent and fight the Evil Exiles openly. Rail about the opressors at Miami's version of Hyde Park's Speaker's Corner. Stop taking tainted exile money. The list is virtually endless.
The letters to which you linked are filled with the same one-sided and shrill invective that you bring to your posts and serve to demonstrate, as I said before, that bigotry is to be found everywhere. That you choose to align yourself with these individuals is regrettable; that you boast about it is pitiful.
The compulsion to identify, objectify, and demonize the Other is generally fueled by a need to off-load profound feelings of self-loathing. Those waters are a bit too deep for me, so bait away - this is my last response to you.
"All because the mother refused to have an abortion even though she knew the baby would be born this way."
This is not reality yet as this cannot be known with certainty today.
That was my point about my brother. I didn't post the details of his birth and don't feel I need to. You'll just have to take my word for it that the doctors at the time were absolutely certain 1) that he was dead, thereby justifying removing him by c-section very pre-mature in order to save my mother's life, and 2) were apologetic to my family that he was alive as they "knew" he would prove to be profoundly retarded and disabled as that was the outcome "normal" in such cases.
They were wrong.
Doctors make the best judgements based on their experience and medical knowledge and this is good and valuable and what we pay them for. However, they are not gods and not infallible.
So, since the mother canNOT "know" the baby would be "born this way", she can have no obligation to abort. (yes, this totally bypasses the "what makes a Life bearable/unbearable issue, which is a whole 'nother discussion)
But in any event, suppose the doctors told your mother when she was six weeks along that the odds were 90% that her child would be severely disabled, both mentally and physically, with no hope of a normal life.
Her insurance company told her that, should she choose to have the child and it was born in this condition, she would receive no coverage at all.
Would she have chosen to abort, or have the baby?
What would my mother have chosen in your example? I have no idea.
What would I have chosen? I would have chosen to have the baby.
However, both the choice to have or not have the baby in this case is the MOTHER's choice.
I would strongly oppose any efforts to regulate forced abortion on the basis of medical predictions on the condition of the fetus.
I strongly oppose any efforts to prevent abortion as well.
I strongly oppose any and all efforts to take this choice out of the hands of the individuals giving birth.
I think parents should be able to guarantee (to the best of their abilities) quality of life for their children, not just life.
I think parents should be able to guarantee (to the best of their abilities) quality of life for their children, not just life.
I agree. The issue I was trying to bring up with the link was that there are ramifications for having children, and that incentives could be structured to make abortions a very logical and desired choice, with birth being a risk that carries heavy penalties.
Then consider the loss to the world if Stephen Hawkin's mother has decided to abort the fetus that was to become him.
(He made it to 60 the other day, by the way. Big gathering of astrophysicist in Cambridge)
Every life is precious but good lord, quality of life counts for something, doesn't it?
We'd cope.
Consider the loss in comparison to the millions of loved ones lost, as well as the millions of dollars spent caring for the people who have it, and who die after years of suffering--suffering that they knew would only get worse.
In fact, switch ALS to Huntingtons and I believe we do have a test, don't we?
"We's cope" you say. Of course we'd cope. We'd cope without Galileo and Newton and Einstein too, in the sense that the human race would be around.
I'm not generally opposed to the line you are taking, just pointing out that there are potential downsides. In the great scheme of things one Hawkin (or equivalent) may be worth more than "the millions of loved ones lost".
Suppose we institute a law that says all parents must be above the age of consent. Therefore a teenager has a kid, neither she nor the father can be the parents. The mother's parents will be declared the parents, and they will assume full responsibility for the child. No, they can't sue the dad--even if he is over 18.
Suppose this radically decreases the amount of children born to teenagers. Suppose that 20% of those teenagers who would otherwise live on welfare for 20 years go on to become productive members of society. Suppose 1% of that group have meaningful contributions to make.
We've missed out on all that because they didn't have abortions.
Same diff. You can't know what you don't know. We'd manage without Hawkings, just as we are currently managing with all the lost productivity we might get if more teenagers had abortions.
There are a whole lot of potential geniuses not being born because of that.
And we get into borderline cases. If chances are 90 to 10 that a baby will be born with a debilitating handicap, abortion would be the preferred option. But what about 50/50 or 20/80?
I'd say that all pregnancies carry some risk, so it has to be substantial before it is a factor. For example, a woman has a small risk of dying if she has a baby, so should a mother be penalized for getting pregnant again, putting her other children at risk for losing their mother?
The idea isn't to guarantee a complete elimination of problems. Would that they could. I was thinking more of incenting individuals to abort based on societal costs of their poor decisions.
A real problem, it seems to me, is the person who ignores the barrier and has the child anyway. Such a person requires an entirely different sort of penalty, which will seem like overkill to most of us. Should a woman who has a child that is severely deformed and that she can't pay for be put in jail? Should her child be taken from her? Should the state pay for her child if she agrees to sterilize herself?
If you don't make the penalty severe enough, a certain percentage of women will just shrug off the risk, knowing the state will step in to foot the bill.
The problem lies in the knowledgeable evaluation of risk and the validity of the evaluations measured by past accuracy. Medical accuracy when it comes to future outcomes of children as they are indicated while the child is still in vitro is pretty poor.
Even the recent boom in genetic marker knowledge doesn’t seem to draw particularly accurate pictures of a child’s quality of life post birth. We actually still have a very dim understanding of normal fetal development … forget abnormal development.
I would think that only the most extreme birth defects (those dealing with gross brain deformation, etc.) could safely be considered clear enough indicators to hold someone accountable for bring the child in to this world. And then one would have to argue only from a cost to society angle, because quite frankly discussing the quality of life of a child with little or no cerebral cortex is kind of a moot point.
By the way, I think CigarLaw did some good, too.
has any one heard from him?
< /off-topic >
I think we must assume that he has passed away.
That Hawkin, who also suffers from ALS, has managed to survive to 60 is a rarity.
Please. The phrase is a stupid tautology.
Make no mistake I am adamently pro-choice but that goes across the board. I would hope that my fellow humans would not be so selfish as to reproduce without reasoning, but penalties (like jail) for not having the right kind of children. Come on nobody can be such a cold blooded pragmatic as to deny those who genuinely love their children the opportunity to be a parent.
I'm an anarchist, I don't really want state intervention anywhere but the last place I want it is in in my body or in my heart.
Most disgusting about this whole conversation is that once again poor women will be criminalized...going to jail for not being able to care financially for a special needs child. what if that's the only child she can ever have? she should be denied the luxury of parenting. Though she may help that child become the next Stephen Hawking.
Oh please, CalGal what you are saying here reeks of Objectivism, you want objectivism go to Zaire. Go someplace that has NO social safety net and where only the strong survive. We'll see how you do.
Yuck!
As for the rest, you seem incapable of either comprehension or complete sentences. Perhaps another day you'll express something other than wishful thinking and incoherence.
sweety I'll agree to not personalize if you agree to not be a fascist. I take it personally when people start talking 'bout poor people not having the same rights as rich folk. I come from poor, poor people as does my husband, what yer talking about would effect people we know. Poverty isn't theory, it isn't abstract, it's real. Can you comprehend?
and the opinions yer expressing here don't seem particularly civilized...they absolutely lack compassion.
nice to meet you Jenerator, arky.
Oh no! please no legacies! They make it so difficult to be genuine.
there are probably only about 3 bettys under the age of 50 in this country, what do you think the odds are of anybody other than "THE bettyv" showing up around here?
uhhh, yeah it's me.
TEMPE - For 14-year-olds Collin Neal and Jessamy Benington, it was just an innocent hug between friends. The Connolly Middle School eighth-graders were on the Tempe campus Jan. 15 when they embraced for a couple of seconds before running off to basketball and cheerleading practice. The next day they learned the penalty for violating the school's rule on displays of affection: Three days of in-school intervention and 10 days' probation.
"There are other kids who get in fights and get away with way more, and all I did was give her a hug," Neal said. "I think what they could have done is warn me and said 'you can't give her a hug.'"
During in-school intervention, students go to school but also attend a special class. Probation includes being barred from extra-curricular activities.
Savaglio Jarvis said she waived the students' 10-day probation. There may have been "miscommunication" as to what constitutes a warning in the eyes of staff and the students, the principal said. "The teacher may say, 'OK guys, knock it off,'" Savaglio Jarvis said. That teacher may consider that a warning while the students don't, she said.
According to the Connolly Student-Parent Handbook: "Students may NOT hold hands nor demonstrate other outward displays of affection such as kissing, hugging or embracing." Neal's father, Gary, said that his son makes A's and B's and was selected as a student of the month last May.
He contends too much has been made of the incident. Benington's mother, Dee, said her daughter scores top grades and is vice president of the student council. She said her daughter was prepared to accept the punishment but still felt it was unfair.
And they call the people who make these school policies 'liberals'. Ironic, isn't it?
further proof that JOY is revolutionary.
Who are "they" and where did it say this policy was made by liberals? Sounds as though it was made by fools...fools can be found in both political parties.
I think their position is "kids who get good grades become adults who make lots of money and lots of money makes them entitled and less accountable for their actions".
it's a pretty common attitude among americans.
Given the arrogant, self-centered and litigious attitudes of so many parents it's easier and safer for the school to say no hugs at all.
If you disagree with that, the people you really have a problem with is the parent who sued the school district for mental anguish when little Johnny got caught with his tongue down little Suzy’s throat (grin).
I should read my posts before pushing that button!
i guess, really, i have a problem with any legislation on how we use our bodies...obviously there are exceptions, like children or anyone unable to give consent, but as a parent i don't worry about the hugs teachers see, i worry about what they don't see.
if a coupla students wanna screw between classes why can't they? as long as they show up on time for classes and aren't causing physical harm to other students why is it any of the school's business? their job is to educate, not to play moral princepal.
But really this gets down to "what is the true function of a school?" and it is to act as a mini authoritarian state. I understand the "arrogant, self-centered and litigious attitudes" arguement, I am not denying that this attitude exists, but maybe schools have brought this on themselves by overstepping their bounds and allowing behavioral issues to be in their realm. Obviously, i think courts are misguided in allowing parents to sue schools for their own children's actions.
Kids are “turned” introverted by school rules … it’s a combination of genetic predisposition and early formative experiences at home with their parents.
Anyway … I’m pretty sure that PDA rules only come into play once kids hit middle school and start that whole “face-sucking” between classes shtick.
When Gracie was in Catholic school, PDA as in 'smooching it up' was discouraged but the kids who were snagged just got a finger wagged at them. Geesh. Talk about overkill.
These were rules the kids helped make, by the way.
I agree the school has a right to have rules and enforce them and if the parents think the rules are silly - well, that's what school boards are for.
Funny you mentioned that ... the biggest proponents of PDA Bans I know are kids. They get tired of walking past the Hallway of Dry Humping everyday.
When Pat Robertson claimed that Tinky Winky,
a little creature from the TV show designed for preverbal children called "Teletubbies", was gay because he is purple and has a purse, a TV program interviewed people from around the world to see what they thought. One fellow from Australia shook his head and said, "Thank goodness we got the convicts and the US got the Puritans!"
Americans have been fighting a social/cultural war for generations over permissive/restrictive behavior.
Perhaps alone among nations, we cling to the mistaken belief that, if we can just codify the details sufficiently, we can define a perfect set of rights and standards.
Europeans, in particular, understand, as we do not, that there will always be gray areas. You are far advanced in this regard.
Here, almost everyone wants more and better standards right up to the very moment it applies to them.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Sure. Haven't you heard about the Anaheim rules? IS it anaheim? Something with an A, anyway.
The guy has to ask a series of questions. Is it okay if I kiss you? Okay, now that I've kissed you, is it okay if I kiss your neck? Can I now touch your breast? and so on.
Colleges are a bit scary--they can evict a guy for rape even if there is no evidence that a real court would believe.
As for Europeans, it's worth remembering that Europe is not all that much fun for women who actually want to be treated as equals in the workplace. They have real, honest to god harassment over there.
Funny. I heard the exact same thing said about socialists.
You're mistaken. Socialists are consumed by the fear that someone, somewhere, may be making a profit.
Be very careful with your hugs or you may get wasabi showed up your nose.
concerned
Don't be so sure only in Japan.
I actually have a friend who lost his University position (and his career) because he gave an innocent hug to a female student. She had been struggling and had recently gotten an A on a paper, he was congratulating her. Another student saw "the incident" and reported it. the student he hugged tried to come to my friend's defense but my friend decided it was better just to leave.
I actually have a friend who lost his University position (and his career) because he gave an innocent hug to a female student. She had been struggling and had recently gotten an A on a paper, he was congratulating her. Another student saw "the incident" and reported it. the student he hugged tried to come to my friend's defense but my friend decided it was better just to leave.
Al D,
I'll take my chances with the wasabi.
CalGal,
you are talking about Antioch not Anahaim. Frankly, I don't think it's the end of the world for people to be clear about their intentions and consent.
Oh, please. Frankly, I don't think it's the end of the world for women to act like grownups.
Is this a trait common to female government workers? It might explain other incompetencies I've noticed.
Or maybe it's just some rural thang.
do you always go for the Bully-Bitch cartoon or do you have some depth?
to communicate clearly with your partner is a VERY grown up thing to do, some of us may need more structure than others and determining what is the appropriate communication tool for our individual relationship is part of being a grwon up...but I suspect you wouldn't be able to tell grown up from snotty adolescence if it crawled up your ass and died.
to communicate clearly with your partner is a VERY grown up thing to do
You are saying that if a man kisses you and you actively and enthusiastically respond, you aren't communicating?
Newsflash, btw: ain't nothing "grownup" about being polite. It's a choice, not an obligation one assumes upon maturity.
I'm gonna get sick of your pompous bullshit superior attitude real quick like.
You wrote:
"Is this a trait common to female government workers? It might explain other incompetencies I've noticed.
Or maybe it's just some rural thang."
Like it or not YOU personalized things. You repeatedly and frequently make nasty little comments that are obvious and overt smacks, especially to women. It's not that I disagree with some of the things you say but you are just nasty. You don't have to be polite but yeah I'll probably personalize your stupid fucked up drama everytime I see you being a bully.
I hate bullies.
i said "determining what is the appropriate communication tool for our individual relationship" i don't think I said non verbal communication wasn't acceptable for those who are OK with it but NOT everybody is capable of clear decision making in those circumstances. Can you allow for flexibility, is it possible that not everyone is like you?
Considering the high rate of Date Rape on college campuses I don't think it's a bad idea for women to spell out explicitly what is OK and what is not. I also think that it's a good way for men to cover their ass. It's one more tool for better relationships between men and women. Communication doesn't hurt.
In my world, when people are consistantly and gratuitously bitchy and thrive on self-generated conflict, we charitably assume that they may still have a bit of maturing to do. On the other hand, they could just have nasty personalities.
The Antioch rules provide that when Joe College is out with Betty College if he wants into her pants he has to ask her and she has to say yes explicitly. This means Joe can't say to himself "Hmm...well, she let me kiss her so of course she wants me to screw her." It also means that Betty has to take responsibility for what happens rather than crying rape later when she decides that she doesn't want the stigma of being labeled a "loose woman".
I'd say that's pretty equal protection. It sure puts an end to the old "I didn't know what was going on and then it was too late to stop him."
argument as easily as the "Yeah, but she really wanted it."
There's also the added bonus of having someone tell you exactly what they're going to do to you which is not to be underrated!....but perhaps that's for another thread?
Precisely. "Nasty", of course, being subjective.
But then I've always thought that chicks use "immaturity" gratuitously. Given that they often direct it towards men, and women who aren't sufficiently punished (in their view) for being less than polite, I've always figured it must be some sort of compensation technique.
"Yes, I can't support myself and my kids on my own, but by golly, my husband's just a child who needs looking after! Lucky he's got me, the grownup."
And then even those women who are generally capable of supporting themselves but aren't real good at thinking for themselves figure that's the way to think. After all, that's what everyone else does.
Thus a world in which far too many womenfolk confuse immaturity with what is actually a complete disregard for their approval.
They most certainly were created for adults. College students are adults. Ability to purchase beer is not a criterion for adulthood. Ability to vote, join the armed services, marry without parental permission, make financial decisions that your parents aren't liable for, and have sex with other consenting adults with no explicit exchange of income, on the other hand, are explicitly conferred when one reaches the age of 18.
You might wish to remember that an 18 year old waitress having sex with the 21 year old bartender won't receive such protection.
It sure puts an end to the old "I didn't know what was going on and then it was too late to stop him." argument as easily as the "Yeah, but she really wanted it."
May as well require it for all adults. It will put an end to it there as well.
No, the Antioch rules are just an obscene display of gender feminism, where they've bent over so far to become a special interest group for women that they've twisted themselves into a pretzel denying women the abilities they originally demanded.
Too bad. Some people are capable of clear decision making while having sex, but lose all capacity for rational thought when buying lottery tickets, or making stock purchases. Perhaps we should require a laundry list for every single financial transaction, every single time.
Voting--after all, most people don't make clear decisions there. Let's require a college degree to vote. Otherwise, forget it. If you can't make it through college, how can we assume you have the maturity to think clearly about such an enormous responsibility?
Abortion--lord knows, people don't think clearly here. In fact, they are so completely incapable of thinking clearly that we should just outlaw it altogether.
Now that I think of it, I don't think it's right to let people even have sex. After all, if you can't really assume that non-verbal responses are valid, how can you count on the verbal ones? Who knows what "yes" really means, anyway?
Considering the high rate of Date Rape on college campuses
How fucking asinine. There is no date rape. There is only rape or a woman deserving of total contempt.
arky
I do not believe that a woman who absolutely does not want sex can be forced without fear of being physicaly harmed. I have seen demonstrations where a big man tried to get a woman into the position for sex and there was no way he could do it. That is not to say that with achohol or skillful seduction a woman cannot be taken advantage of.
They most certainly were created for adults
No, they were created for college students. That many or even most of them also happen to be adults is immaterial to the college and its rules. Regardless of the legal status of the student body college is a way station between childhood and the adult world. The Antioch Rules are for the student body of a college campus not an ordinance enforced on the populace at large. They're intended to teach personal responsibility and protect the immature of both genders who often act before they think and then get in over their heads.
No, the Antioch rules are just an obscene display of gender feminism
So you've said, but you haven't shown that. I clearly explained the benefits and protections afforded to both genders. Both parties are required to state their intentions and their consent. How is that any different from any other sexual encounter except in requiring explicit verbal consent? The only thing the Antioch Rules get in the way of is a certain amount of spontanaeity.
May as well require it for all adults. It will put an end to it there as well.
Consent is required for all adults otherwise it's rape and there are legal repercussions. It's not feasible to require explicit verbal consent in the real world because it isn't enforceable, but as I mentioned earlier, college is not the real world.
I am. What you evidently aren't aware of is that nothing I posted contradicts this statement. Which means, alas, that you wasted all that rebuttal space on a non-existent argument.
Try again. Here's what I said:
There is no date rape. There is only rape or a woman deserving of total contempt.
You might want to go get a working definition of rape, for starters.
College is as much "real world" as anything is "real world." Those who attend are adults by any sane definition and do not need to be treated as children. Just exactly when do you think people should accept responsibility for their behavior?
I do not believe that a woman who absolutely does not want sex can be forced without fear of being physicaly harmed.
Considering that the average woman has an upper body strength roughly equivalent to that of a 12 year old boy almost any man is capable of seriously harming her. What kind of requirements are you looking for? Fight until he breaks your jaw then you can you can relax because you're sure to be able to prosecute? Give up if he just threatens to slap you?
Sorry, but if you applied the same standards to prosecuting robbery it would require that anyone who didn't really deep down want to be robbed ought to stay at home all day behind barbed wire with a shotgun.
Date rape is more accurately called Aquaintance Rape now and the only reason the differentiation came about was because of morons who insisted that a woman couldn't be raped by her husband or her boyfriend or any other man that she willingly associated with.
It was brought about to make people aware that most rapes aren't perpetrated by strangers who jump out of bushes.
I think even children should be held responsible for their behavior as soon as they understand the concept that there are things they should not do. That doesn't mean, however, that I think they ought not to be educated or guided in their choices. I don't think adults should exist without education or guidance.
As for college being the real world I'm curious about when was the last time you spent any great amount of time on a college campus. It's a pretty safe place to learn about how the real world operates, but that's the whole difference in itself---there's a safety net. Unlike those who have to go immediately into the workforce and start earning a living and paying bills and worrying about keeping a roof over their heads and food in their bellies college students get to play at real life before they have to truly face it.
My guess is college students are probably about half as likely to give the Antioch rules any more thought than they do rules about drinking, or "education" about using condoms.
Are there any stats relating to how many/how often students have implemented them?
They were created for college students. But you can't say "no" in response to the statement that they were created for adults, nor can you say, as you did originally, that the Antioch laws weren't created for adults. This is inaccurate.
Apart from that, I simply can't take your comments seriously. Such views can maybe charitably be described as gullible, but frankly I find it irresponsible. But it's not worth the time to discuss, so long as you quit declaring that the laws weren't intended for adults.
Rape laws used to exclude wives, but that was changed early on--long before "date rape" became a term.
The campaign around date rape is typical of the bait and switch routine so often found in gender feminist "public awareness" efforts.
Ostensibly, "date rape" is rape--according to the legal definition--that is committed by someone the woman knows.
But when asked why not just use the term "rape" and stress that the legal term has always been used to cover rape committed by acquaintances, the response is that the "no" of acquaintance rape is somehow different from that of stranger rape.
Right.
Basically, "date rape" was invented to create a whole new category of "without her consent".
Of course, I do think there should be acquaintance rape as a separate category, and I think the burden of proof should be higher. In fact it is higher, but I think the standard should be legally set higher.
For example, if a man walks up to a woman, pulls her into an alley, and has sex with her, it is reasonable to assume that she might not have been able to fight back--due either to fear or stupidity. If a man and a woman are at his apartment and they have sex, it is not reasonable to assume that she didn't want to have sex unless she physically fought or was drugged. The claim that she was too scared should be rejected on its face, since she was at his apartment.
But I ain't expecting anything as sensible as this any time soon.
Considering the high rate of Date Rape on college campuses I don't think it's a bad idea for women to spell out explicitly what is OK and what is not.
If she had only been referring to actual rape--you know, the kind where a woman has been physically forced to have sex?--then why discuss the need for women to spell out explicitly what is OK and what is not OK?
I think it's pretty safe to say that there isn't an American man in existence who isn't extremely aware that it's not okay to physically force a woman to have sex. They know that if a woman fights and screams "No" that they should stop right away. They all know that this is rape--and if they were on a jury, they'd convict a guy of this.
But then you get into the poisonous thinking spawned by MacKinnon, Dworkin, and the other fuckwits of their ilk, where a woman can go up to a guy's apartment, not resist advances, not say "no", engage in sexual activity, and then claim later she didn't consent.
After all, she wasn't "explicit".
Whether or not this is what you mean by date rape, it is perfectly clear that this is what betty is referring to. If women were held responsible for their own actions, there'd be no reason to create a special class of "rape".
Date rape is rape that occurs on a date. You said there's no such thing. If you truly realized how far your self-perception is from that of others who read you, I think you'd give it up. Of course that's what delusion's all about, though.
FTR and the Mote-reading public, my post did not take the Antioch issue into consideration.
thank you for so clearly stating my meaning. It's been some time since someone spoke for me, you fuckwit.
legally, there is no necessity for violence. saying No once is. In NYS (i don't know if it's true elsewhere) the definition of rape extends to those unable to give consent, including drunk sorority girls at frat parties. Are these women who go up to men's apartments and make out, not expecting it to escalate naive? sure, but aren't men adults, can't they hear No and understand what it means at any point in the evening. funny, my husband seems to get it, any lover i've ever had seemed to get it...
However, and let me be real clear, I was raped by an "Aquaintance"...without much force. There was no gray area, I wasn't drunk, we hadn't been "dating" he came into my house and raped me. Do you think i got a conviction? No, because I'm a slut and there were no bruises or broken bones. Obviously I didn't struggle enough, right?
Don't put that stupid and weak shit on me. I don't want it. I'm not stupid, I'm not weak. I also didn't want to be dead and though he probably didn't have any weapons I didn't want to take that risk.
Don't put the stupid and weak shit on me, that's your DRAMA. Good for you if you were able to fight off an assailant, I wasn't.
Interestingly, I often bitch about the "date rape"/Aquaintance rape thing...i think it's ludicrous, rape is rape, but my point was that there is this phenomena of "Date Rape" on campuses. Going back to my previous point, and to reiterate some of what Ms. No has said kids in college aren't real adults. Some are, but I work on a college campus and most of the kids here can't find their ass or their elbow. I'm sure this is amplified by the fact that it's an expensive and "prestigious" University and few of these kids have ever flipped hamburgers...most of these kids are not responsible for themselves in the least...should they be? YES! but they're not.
Also, I know for a fact that parents are legally responsible for children economically until they are 21 as long as they are a full time student (again NYS). Your arguement that "College Aged" kids are legally full adults doesn't hold water.
I don't understand this. You mean it's impossible for a man to overpower a woman? That makes no sense. Men can overpower other men...they sure can overpower women. And as to fear...it is always an element of rape on at least one person's part if not both.
That's right. Because when it came to going to court, that's how it was treated. If a woman said "no", but was on a date with the man at the time, the juries treated as not really meaning "no", but as "teasing".
"I think it's pretty safe to say that there isn't an American man in existence who isn't extremely aware that it's not okay to physically force a woman to have sex. They know that if a woman fights and screams "No" that they should stop right away."
Maybe that's true in your world, but it isn't true in mine. I know quite a few men who think that women say "no" when they really mean "yes", the reasoning being that the woman doesn't want to be seen as a "bad girl" so she gives a "token resistance". Is this asshole reasoning? Hell, yes. Is there a LOT of that reasoning out there? Hell, yes. If you don't believe that, then stay the hell away from the redneck Bible Belt. Hell, stay in LaLa-land California.
BTW, I've argued myself blue in the face with the men I personally know who hold positions like this - it didn't help.
Don't let CalGal fool you, I know plenty of rednecks in the Bay Area.
• A survey of 1,700 11-14 years olds found that
- 51% of boys and 41% of girls believe that a man has a right to force a woman to kiss him if he had "spent a lot of money on her."
- 32% of boys and 32% of girls say it is not improper for a man to rape a woman who has had past sexual experiences.
- 87% of boys and 79% of girls said rape is okay if a man and woman are married.
- 47% of all those surveyed said it was okay for a man to rape a woman he has been dating for more than 6 months.
and
Sixty-one percent of rapes occurred before the victims were eighteen years old. Twenty-nine percent of all forcible rapes occurred when the victims were younger than eleven. (1992).
As I said, Arky, there is only rape. Your mistake was in assuming that I said it couldn't happen on dates.
A parent can claim a kid as a dependent for tax purposes until the age of 21, but that's different from legal responsibility. If you wish to show a cite that no one is legally an adult until the age of 21, by all means, do so.
Eighteen is adulthood. College students are legally adults. It's not an "argument". It's a fact.
Your first response to me is that I'm too silly and gullible for you to waste your time discussing this with me. You then go on for three posts not discussing it but I assume condescending to instruct me about how things really are.
I find this insensitive and rude, not because it bravely defies my approval but because it disrespects me as an individual as I have not ever disrespected you. You may carry on your diatribe without my participation.
Please provide a cite that demonstrates that rape reports and convictions are dramatically different in the "Bible Belt".
Or think about this: isn't it at least possible that the men are speaking of their actual experience? Are you saying that there aren't women who put up a token struggle or say "no" when they have every intention of having sex?
In other words, are you really seriously saying that the men you are talking to are potential rapists?
I am sorry that happened to you. It happened to three of my friends at University, too.
I was talking about your defense of the Antioch Policy. I then went on to discuss "date rape", where I certainly was responding to your posts on the subject and had every intention of discussing it with you.
If you don't want to, that's fine. But the only thing I found absurd and not worth discussing was your views on Antioch.
On the subject of juries--while I think the burden of proof should be legally higher for acquaintance rape as opposed to stranger rape, there's no question that juries do set their own standards.
You seem to think this is wrong. I think it is sensible. The moment a woman goes into a man's apartment, or invites a man into her apartment, her odds of getting a rape conviction without bruises or other signs of struggle probably drop dramatically. I wouldn't have it any other way.
That doesn't mean that a woman might not have actually been raped in those situations. But the burden of proof will be higher.
I'm sure it's quite possible that the woman really did freeze, and didn't put up any resistance or indeed, make a compelling case to the guy that she didn't want sex. She probably feels raped. Is it legally rape?
I've no intention of sifting through your posts to respond to those parts which aren't rude. If you wish to converse with me then you can talk to me in a manner I find acceptable. If you can't do that then I choose not to talk to you. There's no reason in the world that I should humbly or meekly deal with those who obviously don't care enough for me personally not to insult me.
I was just correcting your statement--namely, the only thing I said wasn't worth discussing was the Antioch policy.
And yes, I KNOW I am butting in and am off-topic and making this personal. So save your breath.
The definition of rape used by National Crime Victimization Survey is interesting:
Forced sexual intercourse including both psychological coercion as well as physical force. Forced sexual intercourse means vaginal, anal, or oral penetration by the offender(s). This category also includes incidents where the penetration is from a foreign object such as a bottle. Includes attempted rapes, male as well as female victims, and both heterosexual and homosexual rape. Attempted rape includes verbal threats of rape.
It is possible there are such women. The smart man takes her at her word as otherwise there is no way to differentiate these idiots from the women who say "no" when they mean NO. I also think the vast majority of women fall into the latter category.
"In other words, are you really seriously saying that the men you are talking to are potential rapists?
Yes. These men tell me they think "ALL" women really mean "yes" when they say "no".
"...I think the burden of proof should be legally higher for acquaintance rape as opposed to stranger rape..."
IOW, in spite of your trumpeting that there is no, or shouldn't be, differentiation between "rape" and "date rape", you really think there "should be".
"The moment a woman goes into a man's apartment, or invites a man into her apartment, her odds of getting a rape conviction without bruises or other signs of struggle probably drop dramatically."
And, of course, that is the ONLY situation in which date rapes occur.
Not only that, sex is the only thing people do in apartments.
In addition, no one would ever invite a guy in in the middle of winter for a second while she grabs something she's forgotten unless what she really wanted was sex. By God! she deserved it, the silly nit!
riiiiigghht
Of course, gender ratio may contribute to something (although I don't think it would account for the larger part of variance). The place to look for that would be in countries that favor male heirs (and then compare that to countries where a large proportion of young men were killed in war, leaving a lot of extra females).
I still think it will be overwhelmed by the testosterone/incompetent parents factors.
But see, in the real world, not everyone is smart. And juries know women. So you can't really blame a jury for deciding that yes, it was reasonable in any given case for deciding that it was a token "no". They do make those decisions.
Yes. These men tell me they think "ALL" women really mean "yes" when they say "no".
You are saying that a "potential rapist" is any person who thinks a woman means yes when they say no?
IOW, in spite of your trumpeting that there is no, or shouldn't be, differentiation between "rape" and "date rape", you really think there "should be".
Not "date rape"--and you haven't been paying attention. I pointed out this irony last night. Read back.
And, of course, that is the ONLY situation in which date rapes occur.
I don't think you are following. I am saying that the burden of proof rises in these situations. The fact that I say "in these situations" is, by definition, recognition that other situations occur.
A woman who is physically beaten will have relatively little problem establishing rape, no matter the circumstances.
In addition, no one would ever invite a guy in in the middle of winter for a second while she grabs something she's forgotten unless what she really wanted was sex. By God! she deserved it, the silly nit!
What excellent sarcasm. Perhaps you should save it for someone who is arguing that going to an apartment is equivalent to wanting sex. Perhaps you should then take the time to realize that this isn't what I'm saying.
Or not. It's much easier to use canned rebuttals.
Isn't it also possible that the reason men 25 and older aren't arrested for as many crimes is because a good percentage of the ones who would be prone to committing them are already in jail? (g)
- 1 in 4 college women reported being victims of rape or attempted rape.
- 1 in 12 college men admitted to committing acts that met the legal definition of rape
- 35% of college men indicated some likelihood that they would rape if they could be assured of not getting caught.
And I'm saying that if a rape is a rape is a rape, then the burden of proof should be the same regardless of the circumstances.
Exactly.
And I'm saying that if a rape is a rape is a rape, then the burden of proof should be the same regardless of the circumstances.
Suppose a woman was in a guy's apartment, drinking wine, after a date. He makes a pass at her. She never says no, but she never says yes. He starts kissing her and she doesn't actively participate, but she never says no and she doesn't fight.
Turns out she didn't want sex. She wanted to say no, but she was terrified he would hurt her more if she resisted, so she acquiesced.
Now imagine that same woman is walking down the street and a guy beckons to her. She can't figure out what he wants, comes nearer to her, he makes a pass at her, starts kissing her, pulls her into an alley, and has sex with her.
She didn't want sex, was horrified and paralyzed with fright, terrified that he'd kill her if she'd resist.
Tell me honestly, Christi, that you believe both women have the same burden to prove rape.
So when you said:
"If a man and a woman are at his apartment and they have sex, it is not reasonable to assume that she didn't want to have sex unless she physically fought or was drugged. The claim that she was too scared should be rejected on its face, since she was at his apartment."
What DID you mean if you didn't mean that merely being in his apartment or inviting him into her apartment makes it "not reasonable to assume she didn't want to have sex? It looks a lot like me that you are saying 'being in the apartment' = 'wanting to have sex'.
No. What being in the apartment does is eliminate the de facto assumption that she didn't want to have sex. This is something that is entirely reasonable to assume if the two people were complete strangers to each other.
So assume either a date or a male/female friendship where the guy has expressed sexual interest. The woman is in the man's apartment, or has invited the guy up to her apartment.
If they had sex, and the woman later says, "I was raped" but has no physical signs of injury, it is entirely reasonable to wonder if the woman is telling the truth because the couple's joint presence in the apartment indicates that sexual activity was not unwelcome.
I am not saying "She asked for it." I am not saying "The only reason to go to an apartment is for sex." Nor is it impossible for her to have been raped, nor is the man allowed to assume that going to the apartment equates to consent.
What I am saying is that it is entirely reasonable to expect that this may have been one of the reasons they went to the apartment, and that this increases her burden. You simply can't assume, in that situation, that the woman obviously didn't want to have sex, or that it wasn't reasonable for the man to assume that this was a possibility.
This is relevant because rapes are judged by third parties, and they have to look at the entire situation. It is quite reasonable to assume on its face that a woman didn't want to have sex with a stranger. It is not reasonable to assume this on its face in the second situation. Hence, the burden is higher.
Actually, Lykken claims that the reason for the re cent downturn in crime, is because the people committing them were incarcerated. I keep looking for that issue to be online, so I can link that article. I'm sure that will produce some splutters.
So, I typed #2303, immediately after reading #2297.
So, to now answer your #2302-
In the specific situations you described in post #2302, I agree with you on the burden of proof.
In reality, it is rarely that situation. What I have seen is that even if she not only said "no", she fought him, but not to the point of having broken bones and massive bruising -the attitude by police, prosecuters, and juries has been "hey, what did she expect going up to his apartment" (or inviting him into her apartment).
It sure sounded like you were on that wavelength to me and if I misunderstood you, then I apologize.
Now on the Antioch rules thing. Far from being Feminism run amok, I sounded to me like the guys getting a protection from rape accusations.
OK, CalGal, you have clarified your position sufficiently and sound much more resonable to me now.
I think I'll give up on going to The Mote except for weekends now. It's just too frustrating from work and my weeknights are just too full with family activitis. Heck, my weekends are pretty full, too. So y'all won't see me very much, but it's not because I am dissatisfied with the discussions.
Take away the cretinous "Well, what did you expect" comments and in the end it amounts to much the same thing. I mean, people are often assholes about what they say. But in the end, they are just being less articulate about the same thing--women who are alone with a man they know are going to have a much tougher time claiming rape.
It's not that I don't think that some of these situations aren't rape--in fact, I think there are guys who take advantage of the fact that women are less likely to fight.
But that is in some part a price we pay for the freedoms we have. We have to demonstrate that we really didn't want sex. Given that we are now allowed to be in men's apartments without automatically being considered whores or sluts, I don't think that's a huge price to pay.
The problem is the polarization. The "feminist" position (for lack of a better word) comes down to something approaching "If a woman feels raped, then she was raped". This is untrue. The position also doesn't allow a great deal of room for what are pretty reasonable assumptions.
So if one part of the public is disdainful of women's problems, another part is going way the hell to far in the other direction.
Well, I'm relieved we cleared it up, but I'm a tad miffed you'd think I'd say "she asked for it".
As far as performance of the Mote, I wonder if your company has something in place that is slowing down the network.
Probably.
We have a firewall. However, we've had a firewall the entire time I've been posting, way back to the days of the Fray. I have no problems with worldcrossing or rantforum and I had no problems with The Mote until the later months of 2001.
(I think it started late Nov, but my timesense is way way fuzzy. Mostly, I know there is "now", "later" and "before now" &:oD )
sigh
Well, once I get this post through, I'm outta here. You probably won't see any posts from me for awhile, but I'll be lurking on my lunch breaks.
No . . . Yes . . . No . . . Yes is half the fun.
That's why the Kathleen Turner/William Hurt bashing through her window scene and the "Please . . . don't . . . . stop" scene in Body Heat is so great.
The real lesson here is that sex with college educated women can be very unsafe.
Ha. Yes, that's very true.
Maybe all those business major boys should start looking at the townie waitresses.
Oh, college-educated women? I thought you meant college chicks. I'd like to think they grow out of the stupidity after college--assuming there's many of them to start with.
What does Camille say about "working women"? Aren't most female college grads working women?
White middle-class girls at the elite colleges and universities seem to want the world handed to them on a platter. They have been sheltered, coddled, and flattered. Having taught at a wide variety of institutions over my ill-starred career, I have observed that working-class or lower-middle-class girls, who are from financially struggling families and who must take a patchwork of menial off-campus jobs to stay in school, are usually the least hospitable to feminist rhetoric. They see life as it is and have fewer illusions about sex. It is affluent, upper-middle class students who most spout the party line - as if the grisly hyperemotionalism of feminist jargon satisfies their hunger for meaningful experience outside their eventless upbringing. In the absence of war, invent one. (Vamps & Tramps, p. 28)
Well, on second thought I don't completely agree with her.
I was the first to suggest a connection between the emotional turmoil of affluent but negligent middle-class families and the nascent longing by immature students for in loco parentis surveillance -- for a restoration, in other words, of the college parietal rules that my 1960s generation of women had defied and overthrown during the sexual revolution. We wanted freedom; today's students want paternalistic hand-holding.
This seems off as an explanation for the behavior. But that the behavior exists and is inexcusable? Absolutely.
I don't know that it's middle class so much as upper middle class. I also think she's blaming their upbringing when at least part of it seems to be the pervasive environment at these universities.
Unfortunately for her, none of them are looking for a bossy femme-who-thinks-she's-a-butch with academic airs.
What she condemns in middle-class college girls she's guilty of in spades.
However, my friend Monika Treut has always found her "entertaining" as a documentary movie subject.
Well, she says as much. She apparently gets rejected a great deal.
Now Sontag's become a father. Maybe that'll give Camille something to shrill about. After all, Sontag failed so massively as a mother.
I feel like Larry Hagman and you are my Barbara Eden.
Sullivan, Paglia!
Yes, master?
In general, I love her delivery. It's so nice to see impatience done well. But I wouldn't say I agree with her more than 20% of the time, if that.
A number of years back the late David Bombyck (who produced among other films Witness, and was Jacques Demy's lover) became friends with Nicole Stephane when she and Sontag were having a big back-and-forth-across-the-pond affair. Nicole had a whole package of "delicacies" she wanted to send to Sontag so she entrusted them to David. He was only to glad to do so because while he knew Nicole he had never met Susan. So he flies from Paris to New York with a big pack of stuff and goes to Sontag's door.
She doesn't let him in! She makes him stand outside as if he were some clerk from "Zabar's" while she goes thorugh the package. Suddenly the door flies open and she's standing there her eyes shooting daggers: "WHERE'S THE SMOKED SALMON? THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SMOKED SALMON!!!" She comes this close to accusing poor David -- who had always admired her writing -- of eating the smoked salmon that Nicole Stephane had simply forgotten to pack.
So much for literary goddess-worship!
It is a very interesting question, actually and it seems plausible that risk taking behavior might increase with lack of access to pussy (to put it crudely).
Oh, and don't worry about the ring. I always look at it as a bonus if it's there, but don't care if it's not.
Another suggestion would be to look regional, e.g., male population during construction of alaskan pipeline I believe was very disproportionate. Also, I believe there are rural farming/ranching areas that have lower female/male ratios. See if these areas have any outstanding crime stats.
Also, you need to define risk taking...how about the pursuit of risky activities...driving without seat belts, rock climbing, options/commodities investing activity, etc.
Frankly I think there's little to discern from the proposition as I believe risk taking behavior is more determined by personality traits and the presence of testosterone than any other factor. I suspect there is a much stronger correlation between sexual activity in men and age than there is between sexual activity in men and the availability of women. Think about boys' prep schools, prison, etc. The same would be true for risk taking....one need only look at the rate of car fatalities for teenage boys vs. teenage girls and men. I think the proposition as stated is ignoring the "lurking variable" of the hormone flood that hits adolescent boys.
Sorry for rambling so...
But, I do think evolutionary theory could plausibly predict that when females are scarce, intra-male competition goes up (which would include risk taking). Certainly those other issues are also strong, and most likely drown out such a signal. The challenge would be to see if there is such an effect in addition to other causes of violence. (This is always the challenge when attempting to find evolutionary signals).
So much for being scarce putting you in a power position.
I also read just recently that South Africa is having an appalling increase in child rapes. There is some uncertainty as to whether this is caused by recent events or has always been this high and just not reported. But the suspicion is that it has something to do with AIDS, and the scarcity of safe adult sexual partners.
No one knows what accounts for the disturbing trend. In January, a government task force began systematic study of all the child rape cases reported during the last two years in an effort to find answers.
South Africa has in recent years had one of the highest per capita rates of rape and sexual assault in the world, according to Interpol. The rapes have been part of a burst of violent crime that has accompanied worsening unemployment and an AIDS epidemic that affects more people than in any other country.
It is a popular myth in this AIDS- ravaged country, where most people with the disease wither and die without hope of treatment, that the cure lies in having sex with a virgin. Some experts say that belief accounts in part for the surge in child rape.
At the same time, police officers today appear to be more willing to respond to cases of sexual violence, and people no longer have to hide their wounded children in shame and silence, whereas in the days of white rule the police routinely disregarded crime in black communities. So the rapid documented increase — about 25 percent in all rapes and attempted rapes during the last seven years — may in part reflect better reporting.
Age 20-24, males, 41/100,000 vs. females 13/100,000.
behavior more: scarcity of sexual partners or
scarcity of marriage partners?
Hmmm Interesting. I haven't seen anything where they look at scarcity of either. It seems clear, though, from the ev psych literature that you need to treat sexual strategies of men differently depending on whether they are looking for a fuck or looking for a spouse (females also, but I believe the difference is more narrow here).
Another place to look are in polygynous societies. The scarcity/abundance will follow status of the males here.
Unfortunately for her, none of them are looking for a bossy femme-who-thinks-she's-a-butch with academic airs."
I have had a few older people hit on me, but when Paglia started "chatting me up" at the video store one day it was positively pathetic. she thinks she's a celebrity not a mediocre academic.
Camille came on to you? DETAILS! DETAILS! DETAILS!
I will say we did agree that Kate Winslet is absolutely delicious.
Incidentally, most of the working class queer girls I know can't stand her. we may have sympathies for some of the things she has to say but i think at the heart of it she seems completely un-genuine. a celebrity whore in the worst way. she's gonna have a hard time finding her perfect girl.
Maybe this is a result of rich fantasy life but i really don't think so, she was standing close and asked me if i found Winslet sexy, generally not something you ask a strange woman in the queer films section unless you are trying to lead to "do you find me sexy?"
but i could be flattering myself.
I met Winslet justlast week at the Los Angeles Film Critics Awards ceremonies (she won Best Supporting for Iris) and I must say she's quite the Star. Far too much for her beau Sam Mendes to handle.
I wanted to tell her "When you're finished with Sam, give him my number."
As many Motees know I met Sam for the first time a couple of years back When he attended the affair with another party.
Kate Winslet (before slim down) is without a doubt my "perfect girl"...but i wouldn't mind a good roll with Crowe...if he let me beat the shit out of him first. One smack for every piece of shit movie he's made and three smacks for Beautiful Minds.
I'm probably not the best person to ask this question cuz I don't believe economics and sex mix. Also I'm in a committed relationship (in fact married to a man) and so there is no scarcity. All and any sexual partners I have in addition to him are not chosen from a scarcity position but rather from a genuine mutual interest in having a sexual relationship. Interestingly this also informs my relationship with dh...we are not together for fear of lonliness or sexual desperation, we are together because our relationship works and we both find it stimulating. In essence we very truely want to be together...there is nothing keeping us together other than that desire.
This worries me a great deal. Last summer they were only talking about it, but this looks pretty official.
I'm taking my discussion of this topic over to the sex thread.
this is most disturbing. obviously pre-natal care for the poor and uninsured is wonderful, and something decent people have insisted we need in this country for some time, not just because it's the most economically reasonable thing to do but also because it's the most humane thing to do. NYS has extended it's CHP program to pregnant women without this silly classification.
i thought so!
Plus the income threshold for Medicaid is higher for pregnant women than non-preg women/families.
do you think the next step is to deny pregnant women CHP because their "unborn child" is eligible? It would completely reframe pre-natal care once again asserting the right of the unborn over the rights of women and i wouldn't put that past shrub.
I don't see how better prenatal care wouldn't result in better outcomes during labor and delivery.
Can a woman insure her child's life so that if she miscarries, she gets a payout? Can the child be considered nine months old when born?
a little article I wrote about prenatal care and ways we can improve outcomes (primarily through increasing use of Midwives.
And CalGal, in Missouri it has been successfully argued by 20yr olds that they are legally old enough to drink.
The American Academy of Pediatrics, which offers guidance to parents on child-rearing issues from spanking to nutrition, is announcing its support today for the right of gay men and lesbians to adopt their partners' children.
"Children who are born to or adopted by one member of a same- sex couple deserve the security of two legally recognized parents," the academy says in a policy statement published in its scientific journal, Pediatrics.
The organization issued its statement after a committee reviewed two decades of studies. Most, it said, found that the children of gay or lesbian parents were as well adjusted socially and psychologically as the children of heterosexual parents.
bubba,
vice taxes are stupid, there is some evidence that they encourage desirability, especially among lower income people, of the vice.
and the notion that you should not pay as much SSI flies in the face of SSI, it is insurance, although in this case it's actually just a Ponzi scheme. It's part of belonging to a nation/state/community, we pay for things we don't use because they form a social safety net. It's for the collective good. by your reasoning I shouldn't have to pay significant portions of my taxes because I am opposed to the military industrial complex, I don't drive (hence I don't pollute nearly as much as most people and I don't use all those freakin' roads) and I don't eat meat (meat eaters ought to have to pay 30 bucks for a pound of ground beef). But i will throw in my 3 bucks for social welfare programs. But if you want to be part of a nation, for whatever reason you have to pay your share...that's how it works.
I'm saying that the rationale that taxes on cigarettes are necessary to offset the increased "costs" that smokers represent to society is bogus. First, the cigarette taxes are not, in fact, directed toward health costs of smokers but are instead mixed into the general funds of the level of government levying the tax. Though I have no figures, I would venture that the revenues from cigarette taxes far outstrip the cost of smokers in terms of public health expenditures. And then there's the matter that smokers are money savers and not a disproportionate burden to government coffers.
Personally, I don't have a beef with Social Security taxes in general. (I do have a beef with greed among the elderly in which they think that they seem to feel that they deserve more and more from the government due to nothing more than longevity without any regard to other, perhaps better, social investments like children.)
But I do feel that in a comparatively wealthy society like ours, we have the resources to provide a basic level of subsistance to those who can't care for themselves. That Social Security is seen as a ponzi scheme is due more to the inability of elected officials to say no to a motivated voting block or to keep their hands off the trust fund than to any inherent flaw in the notion of social insurance.
I'm all for the honest approach to cig taxes. Not that I expect such a thing, mind you.
Instead, the rationale is a lie, the tax is regressive, and we pretend that we're doing it all for the children.
The concern about teen smokers is unfounded, for the most part.
Former smokers, by age. This suggests that most teen smokers quit.
On the other hand, the lower your income, the less likely it is that you've gone a long time without smoking--and this chart is for former smokers.
Teen smokers also smoke less. Interestingly enough, there is no correlation between daily cigarettes and income.
are there actual statistics that take all of this into consideration?
when SSI was established it was set at the average life expectancy, i'm guessing that in part because of SSI we have longer life expectancies, i don't think it's at all unreasonable to raise the age of collection to 70, that's still 10 years under life expectancy (except for black men, but that's a whole different issue). but, do I want my 70 year old grandmother doing hard labor? not really, and there is the issue of "volunteer labor" which folks over 55 make a significant contribution to.
If we can demand labor (paid or volunteer) out of welfare/TANF recipients why can't we demand the same of SSI recipients? should there be a difference between disability and SSI for even the elderly?
Well, that actually contributes to their saving money, I'd bet. They contribute far less to SocSec, meaning they require more income transfer. So the sooner they die, the less income transfer is needed to cover their deficit contributions.
but income plays into life expectancy, poor people have a shorter life expectancy so we would be supporting poor people at a lower rate of income for a shorter period of time where as we are supporting rich people for a longer period of time at a higher rate of income. I guess the factor would be numbers?...there are more poor people.
Just as an aside, of course there are important regional differences too, and Arkansas has more of a problem with smoking and tobacco-related diseases than most other states, and I'm sure that's partly due to the income correlation.
I guess part of the reason teens smoke less is compulsory school attendance and no smoking area. Those were the good old days when you could pop out between classes and at lunch and smoke a few and drop out and smoke all you want once you hit 8th grade or age 16, whichever came first.
I saw a study cited a year or two ago about the permanent damage to the lungs of teenage girls who smoke, even if they quit later. It didn't say anything about boys.
Yes, lots more poor (and middle class) than rich. Also, rich have paid much more in for the most part and don't get as much out. Poor pay less and get much more--this isn't a complaint, just a fact.
I was basing my joke on Cal's assertion that most smokers are lower income.
This is a fact, not an assertion. Also not even particularly controversial, and known for years.
As far as those who haven't quit, the age they started would be something I'd like to see.
I doubt it would make much difference, though. The operative issue probably won't end up being why do they start--after all, lots of teens try out smoking--but why don't they stop? I don't mean this as blame. I just think that the cultural milieu of the lower middle class and poor seems far too supportive of smoking.
As for the permanent damage on the lungs of teenage girls who smoke, it's not high enough on my list of teen concerns. Given a choice, I'd tell teens to smoke all they want and just not get pregnant.
All I'm saying is that we spend lots of time with our anti-smoking ads focusing on suburban teens and it's pretty much a waste. The danger is considerably overstated.
I imagine it's at least partly because of the family cycle and it being in the house. It's hard for a kid to stop smoking when it's all around him.
I agree with you about the ads.
Most people with mental illness smoke - in fact in our hospitals the only places smoking is allowed is in the smoking areas of the psychiatric wards.
The other kids have always been strongly anti-smoking and we've been subjected to a lot of earbashing about our filthy habit. Obviously they've got the message loud and clear, but it hasn't been from us.
I disagree with Maria that it is all parents behavior; it is more what the norm is. If you have a parent who makes $90K/year and smokes, he'll be treated like a pariah. You will be less likely to smoke because it's not what your "circle" does.
As it happens, Maori and Pacific Islanders do tend be disproportionately (is that a word??) represented in the lower income groups but I'm not sure that there are any studies done within groups to see if it is race or income class that makes the difference.
Oh, I agree. I just don't know that this is the reason why lower income people smoke all their lives.
You'd think we could spend some of that tax money on something that would actually do the majorit of smokers some good.
So an effective ad campaign wouldn't show tobacco executives sniggering over stupid smokers.
It would show government employees, slapping their thighs:
"Ha, ha, ha! Smokers are so damn dumb. First we tell them they're costing us money when they're saving us 10%--then we slap them with a tax and collect more money from them!"
Can't say since I don't think anti-smoking campaigns are more than marginally effective.
Still, the idea has a certain overstated drollery to it.
Really? What do you attribute the major shift in smoking behavior to, then?
(I fear we are moving into the area of propaganda. ACK!!!)
As I said, I think the campaigns have had some effect but I think the general diffusion of warnings into the popular culture has done more. Sort of an avalanche effect. The smarter ones stopped and it became less cool to oppose one's tribe.
Sure is.
Plus it's pleasurable and reasonably cheap (of course this is not as true as it used to be) and poor people can't afford (or think they can't afford) more expensive pleasures. If you don't have a lot of pleasure in your life smoking cigarettes is kind of like pampering yourself.
And, at least when I was smoking, it fit in excellently with two classic poor young person pastimes- hanging out endlessly in cheap diners and hanging out endlessly in bars. Hanging out in bars is nowhere near as pleasurable now that I don't smoke. It's not as social either since you can't take part in the endless bumming and lending of cigarettes.
A lot of people just substitute one addiction for another, if their body allows it.
I have found addiction to sweets to be widespread among alkies.
The world bank website says that it "is unlikely that individuals who avoid starting to smoke in adolescence or young adulthood will ever become smokers."
I haven't checked the site yet, but I'm not sure that means what they want it to mean.
Why is it that, in the battle of the sexes, there seems to be a strong drive to get men to be more sensitive and open, etc. That is, it seems to be the received wisdom that the men need to change. Why not the women? Or have I just been watching too much Oprah? Or not enough Oprah?
But Pelle is fundamentally correct--so long as most women keep making disastrously stupid decisions that keep the majority of men in control of money and jobs, there's not much reason for them to force women to change. I wish they would.
For example:
--Refuse to marry. Nothing in it for them, really.
--Demand the right to opt out of parental rights for any child they didn't consent to. After all, women have the right to refuse to be a parent, why shouldn't men?
--Refuse to let women stay home after having children, by divorcing them if they quit their job.
--Sign up for welfare when their girlfriend has a baby and demand half the money.
Obviously, there's no reason for them to do most of these things, since in most cases they end up ahead even with the unfairness. But I can always hope.
I suspect that this all leads back to the current power women have in the voting booth. Hopefully things will swing back around.
You are being so short-sighted with all of this.
If it's really about equality, the scientists of this world need to be able to reproduce menstrual cycles in men and create the ability to have men carry fetuses to term.
I like the whole "equal shirking of responsibility once the baby is born" idea, but you need to follow it further. The father should be able to abort the fetus at whim, and both parents should be able to divorce themselves of any responsibility. Maybe they could sell the children carried to term and split the profit to keep it equal.
As for snickering when the woman wants acknowledgment for keeping the household in order, why stop there? why not snicker when either of them went any affirmation for anything? Affirmation isn't about eqality, it's about control!
You see, if *women* are the ones who get pregnant ,and *women* are the only ones who can abort because it's all about the *woman's right*, and then *women* are thought to be the traditional primary care-taker of children, it's the childrens' fault until they can be completely created artificially and born entirely self-sufficient.
Maybe they could sell the children carried to term and split the profit to keep it equal.
Absolutely. Women are doing all but selling them now, so why should they get all the money?
The father should be able to abort the fetus at whim, and both parents should be able to divorce themselves of any responsibility
That's what "opt out" is. They can't force the woman to abort, but they would not be put on the birth certificate. And both parents can divorce themsevles of any responsibility, or hadn't you heard? It's called "adoption".
Only problem is, the woman makes the calls, for the most part.
why not snicker when either of them went any affirmation for anything?
Works for me. But affirmation isn't about equality or control. It's about (wait for it) respect. Which far too many women want for the most ludicrous things.
While some of them want it for being just like the guys...
Take it even further. I say, that all of the new scientist out there (already eagerly concocting ways for men to conceive), should work on a de-sexualization surgery for men and women. If we take out the sexual drives, desires, and impulses, the genders will be more equal. Until then, the fault lies at the feet of the children.
You might want to remember that this is VW's thread, and she's mentioned before that she loathes nothing so much as nasty, petty sniping without any substance. That pretty much sums up your posts thus far.
So why not go away and think for a while? Then come back with something meaningful to contribute to the conversation.
I'll wait.
If VW has problems with me, she can tell so and I'm sure she wouldn't hesitate to do it.
You missed the point. Go ahead and think for a while; try to post thoughts more substantive than rice cakes soaked in cat piss.
Or not. Jenerator seems hungry. It does take all sorts.
You seem fixated on the notion of removing genders. I'm not sure why you find that attractive; perhaps you'd care to explain?
Men would not have to snicker in amusement and women would not have to demand credit if men regarded their wives as equal partners.
Irony abounds.
Actually, the question of whether all the suggestions about what men should be doing is simply another version of penis envy is a valid one, and I haven't read a remark directed at a specific poster with no substance attached until the one I quote above.
So what about it? Have men been the sole gender taken advantage of all these years and women have managed, through a great PR campaign and a persistent whittling away at the system, to make it look like it's been the other way around? (understanding, of course, that the whole game of trying to completely and fairly delineate gender roles is ridiculous oversimplification)
Men would not have to snicker in amusement and women would not have to demand credit if men regarded their wives as equal partners.
Yes, the attitude toward roles has to change from both sides. An equal partnership can exist, it's not a myth, and it's a wonderful thing if neither is a control freak and both realize that, as with any equal partnership, there will be occasional jostlings for power and compromising is a difficult and constant task.
However, we're still surrounded by remnants of the old views imbedded in other social roles and institutions, as well as the fundamental biological differences between men and women. I don't believe for a second that one gender is inherently superior to the other, but I do believe that they are different. Sometimes those differences grant an advantage to the bulk of the population in a given gender, but there are fewer instances where this is true than we suppose.
The frontier is on redefinitions of notions about child care, parenting, pair bonding, work and social roles that are not dominated by a presumed gender. A male approach to early childhood education, or nursing, or the like, or a female approach to business management etc.
Much of the change is centered around women's roles and issues, and I would suppose that is because the restrictions on women were greater than on men.
my husband and I discuss this a great deal and he has an interesting idea that I'm not sure about (either way)...he feels the social pressures are greater on men than on women. In some ways I agree...Most women I know are comfortable being the "at home" partner or the idea of other women being in that situation. But men don't seem as comfortable with that for themselves or other men. Perhaps the word of note in your post was "were". the "mama at home" myth seems less realistic or historically accurate as the "papa bread winner" myth. We have been able to shake the mama myth because there is very little to it, but the papa myth, that's sticking. I don't think our boys are any better at expressing themselves emotionally, in short I don't see how men have been freed threw women's lib but my mind says that anyone's freedom makes us more free...how can this be?
I don't really have any points I guess...just some thoughts.
Unless you wish to assert that the psychology of every single woman is different from every single man in exactly the same way, this is completely irrelevant. Men are all different. Women are all different. If you wish to argue that many attributes are disprorportionately found in one gender over another, I'd agree. But so what?
Men and women are, in this country, equal. The fact that many men are different from many women can either be written into the laws--forcing those women who aren't different into a lousy life--or the equality can be forced by law--something that hasn't happened yet, unfortunately. Thus giving women the option to shed equality when it is inconvenient and they want access to a guy's wallet.
YC--they are only equal partners if they both produce money. A wife that lives off of her husband isn't a partner; she's a dependent. THat's what makes these efforts to redefine her "work" (ie, housekeeping) as value is so silly.
they are only equal partners if they both produce money. A wife that lives off of her husband isn't a partner; she's a dependent. THat's what makes these efforts to redefine her "work" (ie, housekeeping) as value is so silly.
Not so. Not everyone has to do the exact samething to make a partnership work. In fact, in a partnership, where everyone is doing the exact same thing you're probably building in lots of inefficiency. My wife stays at home with the kids, but she NOT a dependent. She's our CFO, God knows I'm horrible with money, but more importantly, eshe's there with the kids and teaches, molds, and shapes them. That job in her view - and in mine - is much more rewarding and important that bring home some cash.
Yes, she is. It is derived simply enough: if she disappeared off the planet, your ability to do your job would not be compromised. If you disappeared off the planet, she would not be able to continue, because you wouldn't be around to fund it. She is dependent on you.
eshe's there with the kids....
That's daycare. Nothing more.
She is their parent, and would be their parent whether she had a job or not. So are you. That's what teaches, shapes, and molds kids.
So you are their parent and she is their parent. You are providing the teaching, the shaping, the molding, and the money that ensures their security. She is only providing teaching, shaping, and molding.
By any standard, she does far, far less than you do--and she completely neglects the basic, most fundamental, responsibility of parenting--food and shelter.
You demean her by pretending otherwise. The best way to think about a stay at home mom is that she is a luxury that some well-off people can afford, a parent who doesn't have to do as much, putting all the heavy lifting on the other (in this case, you). But it's patronizing to pretend there is any value to it.
Or, if you like, put it this way: take all the value she provides, against the cost. At most, the value offsets a small part of the loss. She's running a massive deficit that grows each year.
Not nearly as patronizing as pretending there's not...
I understand you have a feeling. I'm waiting for you to have a thought.
: to adopt an air of condescension toward : treat haughtily or coolly
This is the second definition of patronizing or, as Miriam Webster says: see CalGal for example.
If you disappeared off the planet, she would not be able to continue, because you wouldn't be around to fund it. Wrong again. With my insurance policies, she wouldn't miss a beat financially. I'd like to think that it would be disruptive in other ways....
That's daycare. Nothing more. Sorry. That's just wrong. What she does, is not merely daycare.
So you are their parent and she is their parent. You are providing the teaching, the shaping, the molding, and the money that ensures their security. I work most of the day. They see me on average 2-3 hours before they go to sleep. And weekends.
She is only providing teaching, shaping, and molding. She's there with them for the entire time. She has 3-4 times the time with them that I do. If you think a babysitter can and will do and teach the same things a parent can and will, well that's just sad.
By any standard, she does far, far less than you do--and she completely neglects the basic, most fundamental, responsibility of parenting--food and shelter. It's a division of labor. I work and bring home money. Her job is far more important- and fulfilling than mine. Frankly, defining someone's life by the amount of money they earn is demeaning - and disgusting. Under your construct, Bill Gates is more valuable as a human than Mother Teresa was. I pity the narrow view.
So sit on your tendencies to berate people for failing to be original because you recycle arguments every week...over and over til someone takes your tired bait.
And yes, I'm off topic and so I will leave because it's just so much deja vu, anyhow.
Oh phooey. Even accepting the simplistic assumption that a stay at home mom is just providing day care, day care is expensive. I was paying $200 a week for my first kid. At another $200 a week for the 2nd kid, I would now be paying about 21k a year, after taxes for day care. When you consider how much one has to earn in order to make 21k a year after taxes, having my wife stay home is the equivalent of her having a 31k a year job and paying for day care. That is just slightly less than what she was making as a teacher when she quit in order to take care of the kids. And that is just with two kids. If we have a third, the economics make her role even more valuable.
If she were to disappear from the planet, I would probably have to sell my house and move into a cheap apartment, or else convince my mom to move 200 miles in order to provide free day care, in order to make ends meet.
Also, she provides high quality day care, much better than we could find elsewhere. That in itself is worth a lot.
Damn right I appreciate what she does around the house. I have done it frequently to cover for her when she is sick, or on the occasional weekend. Her job is a lot more exhausting than mine, most of the time.
In short, your comments are full of unstated assumptions about salaries, the number of kids, their ages, and the cost and quality of day care.
And the value of staying at home vs something else. My wife is apparently worth less than the pimply faces kid at Mickey D's flipping burgers because he brings home a large enough paycheck to buy a few cd's and take his girlfriend to Burger King and a movie.
even most economists would not support your view...they acknowledge that there is valuable un-paid labor and that, in fact, many things in our society would not function if all labor was paid. Paying labor is the least efficient way of getting work done as demonstrated in self-determination theory.
Good point. My wife actually plans to go back to work part time when both kids are in school all day.
That, and the fact she thinks women who aren't like her are fools.
I think this is the first thing I have seen you post that I wholeheartedly agree with.
Judith:"That, and the fact she thinks women who aren't like her are fools."
Based on her track record, I think it is more likely that Cal Gal assumes that others are in very similar shoes as herself, making her salary with one kid in his teens. Under those circumstances, I completely agree that having my wife stay at home would be a luxury.
Disruptive, sure. But then, "disruption" occurred when a parent disappears. Daycare is a pretty small adjustment, in comparison to what your wife would suffer.
And the care she provides is in my view irreplaceable.
In your view. I'm sure it is. Now let's take that reference and put it out in the real world, and find out its market value. Let me know what you find out.
With my insurance policies, she wouldn't miss a beat financially.
That's if you died. I said disappeared. But you're right, if you die then she got lucky. But now let's make it divorce--and remember, it is far more likely you'll divorce than die. In fact, given that death is so unlikely, how come you even have insurance policies? Clearly you don't mind living in a high risk situation.
That's just wrong. What she does, is not merely daycare.
It's daycare. You are a parent. Are you any less of a parent because you work? Are you less able to make decisions for them, love them, because you are at work for 8 hours a day?
I work most of the day. They see me on average 2-3 hours before they go to sleep. And weekends.
So you are saying that you aren't really their dad. You're just the wallet that pays for their parenting, then? Tell me, if being with the kids all day is absolutely necessary in order to be a parent, what do you call yourself? And does your wife become less of a parent when your kids go off to school?
She's there with them for the entire time. She has 3-4 times the time with them that I do.
See previous comments on time being a determinant of parental status. Apparently you aren't a parent.
Tell you what, let's start there. Give me a working definition of "parent".
So does mine - maybe full time.
That's not what I said. I am saying that she is providing daycare. The other stuff happens anyway. She may be good at being a parent, or she may be bad at it. But it will happen whether she's at work or not.
It's a division of labor. I work and bring home money.
So you aren't a parent, you're just the wallet. Explain this to me further, please?
Her job is far more important- and fulfilling than mine.
She doesn't have a job. She has a provider who funds her. That's fine, but nonetheless it's not a job. It's a luxury.
BTW, if it is so much more rewarding, and so critical, how come you don't stay home, too? Surely you could just get welfare payments--or better yet, just work at McDonalds a few hours a week to pay the rent. Then you could be home with the kids, too! They'd get both parents all day, and as you've said, that's the most important thing.
See, in my world view, rankly, defining someone's life by the amount of money they earn is demeaning - and disgusting.
I made no mention of defining people based on how much money they earn. I do have strong feelings about parental responsibility, and if you can't provide for your children you aren't being responsible. That said, Bill Gates is a far more valuable human being than that self-righteous cow you mention.
But if money isn't important, how come you're working at all?
i'm so glad i could please you.
I'll answer the rest of your post, but I'm not the one making assumptions. My kid is 13, and I've been a single parent since he was 2.
Of one kid, in (as you frequently say) a high paying job. The economics change drastically as you add more kids and your salary drops down closer to the national average.
It wasn't high paying when I divorced, Rask. Although it was over the national average.
I am saying that she is providing daycare. The other stuff happens anyway. She may be good at being a parent, or she may be bad at it. But it will happen whether she's at work or not.
It takes time Cal. She at home with them all day is obviously more valuable than just 2-3 hours. So you're wrong on that too.
So you aren't a parent, you're just the wallet. Explain this to me further, please?
You point out your own inconsistenies. I'm obviously a parent. But most of my time is spent earning money.
it's not a job. It's a luxury.
I find it hard to believe that a parent would actually say that. Your d..efinition of "job" requires money. Mine doesn't. We disagree. Not much more to say on that is there?
BTW, if it is so much more rewarding, and so critical, how come you don't stay home, too?Then you could be home with the kids, too! They'd get both parents all day, and as you've said, that's the most important thing.... But if money isn't important, how come you're working at all?
Why don't you come up with an even more ridiculous question in order to deflect the issue from your nonsense? The question is whether what my wife does has value as opposed to your "luxury" idiocy. I wish I could stay home. I obviously have o provide. And I have made decisions on where I work and where I live based on maximizing my time with my family. It's called trying to balance. I'm not trying to de-value working or staying at home, so don't attribute that to me. It's you who see them as so diametrically opposed.
Day care adds up fast. As the math from my previous post should demonstrate, my wife would have to have a salary in excess of 30k per year to allow her to just break even on working while sending the kids day care.
And that doesn't factor in:
1)other costs of her job (gasoline, lunch money, work clothes, etc.)
2) sick days I had to take when the kids got sick more often at day care.
3) the value of my time in picking up and dropping off the kid from day care (about an extra half hour on to my commute each day).
4) The added value of her skills to the children's growth and development. (they get a trained education professional, full time, with a 2 to 1 student/teacher ratio).
So her staying at home is hardly a luxury. It would cost me *more* if she worked. Unless you are criticizing my wife for not having a 50k a year job...
I am perfectly aware of how much daycare costs, and I am amazed that you are resorting to such banalities in your rebuttal. I can only assume you haven't had this debate before.
If she were to disappear from the planet, I would probably have to sell my house and move into a cheap apartment, or else convince my mom to move 200 miles in order to provide free day care, in order to make ends meet.
What this establishes is that you probably couldn't afford the second kid, and are living beyond your means. Not too bright. And before you piss and moan, let's establish some basics. Everything is fine in your current life assuming the following:
1. You don't divorce.
2. You don't become disabled.
3. You keep your job.
Now, I know you're smart enough to figure it out from there. So don't make comments about how tough you'd have it if your wife disappeared from the planet, because under *any* scenario, the kids are better off with your wife disappearing than they are with you.
When you consider how much one has to earn in order to make 21k a year after taxes...
Really? What about the social security payments she isn't making? What about the career history she is losing? What about the unemployment she won't get? What about the raises? The 401(k) or pension plans?
Staying home is *never* the equivalent of working. You lose a great deal more than just the money she isn't making, and I am truly surprised you don't start with that premise.
If you two can't afford daycare for two kids, or it is hard for her to make enough money to "justify" working, then the problem is that you really can't afford two kids based on the lifestyle you want. Nothing wrong with that--we all do it--but if you're doing a CBA, there's no way you can say that the cost of daycare comes anywhere near the hit your net assets take if someone leaves the job market for all that time.
Based on what you lose by her not working, you could pay probably twice as much in daycare and I'm sure you'd get quality. To say nothing of the fact that when you move from the specific to the general it is by *no* means a given that kids are better off with a mom at home.
Damn right I appreciate what she does around the house. I have done it frequently to cover for her when she is sick, or on the occasional weekend. Her job is a lot more exhausting than mine, most of the time.
I'm assuming you aren't claiming that difficulty equates to value. But her "job" would be done whether or not she was at home working for those 8-10 hours. The laundry is still done, the meals are still cooked. The only activity she is doing that wouldn't be done otherwise is, literally, taking care of the kids. Not "parenting" them. Just taking care of them.
In short, your comments are full of unstated assumptions about salaries, the number of kids, their ages, and the cost and quality of day care.
Not at all. But your comments include a number of unstated assumptions. One, that you'll stay married/healthy/employed. Two, that the only value in working is the specific monetary value of the job that given moment. Three, that your wife would never make any more than she makes at the moment that she quit.
There are probably more, but I have a meeting.
But to return it back to the subject, your wife at best offsets the considerable cost of her not working by providing some small value back. And since I can come up with at least one way that she could continue to work and not require daycare, it's hard to pretend that it is anything other than a luxury.
Any parent who can't afford daycare really can't justify the risk of having a parent stay home as a substitute.
This is blinkered. Of course we can afford the second kid. We have insurance in case something actually happens to her. But you were talking about other economic value.
"And before you piss and moan, let's establish some basics. Everything is fine in your current life assuming the following:
"because under *any* scenario, the kids are better off with your wife disappearing than they are with you."
This is very arguable.The extent to which it is true is because I earn more than she does. But it completely ignores relative value as a parent.
"Really? What about the social security payments she isn't making? What about the career history she is losing? What about the unemployment she won't get? What about the raises? The 401(k) or
pension plans?"
Several of these are irrelevant. Others are merely small considerations on the negative side to her staying at home.
"Staying home is *never* the equivalent of working. You lose a great deal more than just the money she isn't making, and I am truly surprised you don't start with that premise."
Because it isn't necessarily true. Ignoring quality of her parenting, all of these other costs are quantifiable, and we did the math. It wasn't worth it for her to work. She can take several years off, and then find another job and maintain most of the benefits you describe.
really can't afford two kids based on the lifestyle you want."
This is absolute nonsense. How do you know what lifestyle I want? The lifestyle I want happens to include 2 kids, and I make more than enough to allow me to maintain that lifestyle. If my wife worked, that lifestyle would be diminished, as we would have *less* money.
"Nothing
wrong with that--we all do it--but if you're doing a CBA, there's no
way you can say that the cost of daycare comes anywhere near the hit
your net assets take if someone leaves the job market for all that time.
"Nothing wrong with that--we all do it--but if you're doing a CBA, there's no way you can say that the cost of daycare comes anywhere near the hit your net assets take if someone leaves the job market for all that time."
Sure I can. I just did.
Based on what you lose by her not working, you could pay probably twice as much in daycare and I'm sure you'd get quality.
Sure, if you leave your kid with a crackwhore.
your comments include a number of unstated assumptions. One, that you'll stay married/healthy/employed. Two, that the only value in working is the specific monetary value of the job that given moment. Three, that your wife would never make any more than she makes at the moment that she quit.
You crack me up. his is truly funny. I hope you're not serious. Rask made assumptions, but you didn't, eh? As for number 1, how is it relevant? Aren't you assuming that you'll stay employed? Or be able to find another job if you lose yours? Number 2. You're the one who has equated money with work. Number 3. I didn't see that assumption. It only works as incorrect if you assume that the cost of daycare won't rise along with pay. And how about this assumption: But to return it back to the subject, your wife at best offsets the considerable cost of her not working by providing some small value back. Any stats on that Cal? I just read a Lexis article stating that the avg monthly cost of quality daycare in Calif. is roughly the monthly cost of a 2 br apt.
What do you have against stay at home mothers? What is it about them that gets yous o worked up?
Your'e so anti-parents-with-kids, and I don't understand why.
I'm sorry, that as a single mom that you don't have a choice in the matter. But lacking that choice, I don't see how you can possibly try to value someone else's choice and call it luxury. Perhaps to you it is luxury, because you cannot do it. In the same way that a car is a luxury to someone who HAS to take the bus.
I can make 100k a year, with a wife who works at McDonalds. We want 5 kids. The income needed to pay for Day care for those 5 kids approaches 100k per year, 10 times what my wife makes, and equal to my salary, but according to Cal, we gain more by having my wife work, because she gets promotions, social security, and unemployment insurance. If I say that day care would bankrupt me without my wife staying home, Cal says that I can't afford that number of kids on my 100k per year salary.
This is just an extreme to point out the absurdity of her logic.
I can make 100k a year, with a wife who works at McDonalds. We want 5 kids. The income needed to pay for Day care for those 5 kids approaches 100k per year, 10 times what my wife makes, and equal to my salary, but according to Cal, we gain more by having my wife work, because she gets promotions, social security, and unemployment insurance. If I say that day care would bankrupt me without my wife staying home, Cal says that I can't afford that number of kids on my 100k per year salary.
This is just an extreme to point out the absurdity of her logic.
In 1994, I was making less than half what your wife was making. These days, I make more than twice.
That would never have happened if I had taken even the last two years since my son was born to be out of the workforce. Your wife is paying a tremendous opportunity cost, squandering time she will never have back, for something that I personally pay about $6000/year for.
Did you think I didn't? Does zojaks not see his own children grow up?
That should be Several years is another.
When you say:
Perhaps Zojaks wife feels it is also time she will never get back from seeing her kids grow up and thinks that is more valuable than business opportunities.
You seem to be implying that wives who don't stay home with their children do not see their children grow up.
I do agree that I could hire a nanny that could provide an equivalent level of care. But that is more expensive, which simply makes the scales *more* lopsided as to why it is worthwhile for my wife to stay home with the kids.
Almost all of the tradeoffs involved are easily quantifiable. When you *do* quantify them, it was worthwhile for my wife to stay home.
And this was with two professional parents with masters degrees. When you lower the incomes of the parents to what is more typical, the cost of day care in proportion to the wage of the lower-earning parent increases sharply.
As to risk exposure, most of these can be dealt with through planning or insurance. I certainly agree that women should not put all trust in their husbands, and should have a career to fall back in case the marriage turns sour, but it can still make perfect financial sense for one parent to take several years out of the careers in order to raise the kids. I agree that for some parents, it is a luxury, but not for many.
That's your take...I didn't say that...I said perhaps his wife feels it is worth it for that reason. There could be other reasons...I just happened to mention that one.
My husband has an answer for you. He tells me the hardest job he ever had in his life is keeping house for me which he has done since we have been married and he has had some pretty tough work, such as fighting for his economic life for years in the soybean pit on the Chicago Board of Trade.
I was a corporate wife for ten years before I remarried and as such, I never worked so hard in my life: Dinner functions, trips abroad, clubs, moving the family to better houses (buying cheap, selling dear) , keeping finances, investing (scoring each time), etc., just about killed me. I was happy after my divorce to return to my profession as a stockbroker.
What did that make me then? An equal partner, or a dependant, idiotic, lazy wife, you think?
This is not where most of America lives.
Do you believe this is typical for most mothers?
"That would never have happened if I had taken even the last two years since my son was born to be out of the workforce. Your wife is paying a tremendous opportunity cost, squandering time she will never have back, for something that I personally pay about $6000/year for."
The point is that every mother's situation is different. My wife is a teacher, with a very structured salary scale. She isn't giving up a quadrupling of her salary. If she does go back to work, she will be maybe 5k behind in the salary scale for 5 years, before she hits the ceiling.
It isn't possible to make a categorical statement about what all mothers should be doing with regard to work.
a non-working parent with relative ease.
This is not where most of America lives."
I think they afford it better than you think. You seem to forget that those in lower incomes have *more* kids, not less.
There's a crying need in this country for measures such as (1) more flexibility from employers in allowing work at home, flexible and reduced hours and parental leaves; (2) improved child care facilities, possibly subsidized by government and/or employers [I heard an expert say recently that 80 (or 90%?) of child care facilities are substandard--untrained staff and too high a staff to child ratio, etc.]; (3)better pre-natal parent education on how to care for infants and children.
In my job I daily see the struggles of single mothers who are working as a result of welfare reform. They are in a financial and time bind. Most of them earn $6-8/hour and have trouble avoiding being fired when they miss work because their children are sick or require attention at their school or because there is no public transportation to take them to work; or because their junker of a car breaks down, etc. When they are fired, they usually aren't eligible for unemployment compensation and they can't pay the rent and they miss car payments, etc. There's gotta' be a better way.
Famous Fillipino Fast Food restaurant "JollyB" opened its first US franchise in Daly City (now informally known w/ South SF as "little Manila"). Daly City has a Flip mayor.
Wonder what the food is like?
No, the cost of daycare can rise and it still works. It cannot rise so much as to offset pay raises altogether. Since I started using daycare, the cost per child has gone up about 33%. My pay has gone up about 50% in that time. And I'm a civil servant with a fairly structured pay scale myself.
Of course, unless you opt for pricey private schools, your daycare costs will often go down over time. We use public schools now, so we pay a tiny amount for after-school care and that's it--at some point we won't even have that expense. The vast majority of private schools here would cost less than we pay for daycare, so even if we'd gone a different route for school our costs would likely have gone down.
No, the extent to which it is true is because she has no income and can't provide for her children without you. If she had any job in which she was able to support the family, it would be no difference at all. The relative value of a parent is completely irrelevant, barring abuse.
Several of these are irrelevant. Others are merely small considerations on the negative side to her staying at home.
None of them are irrelevant, since they all relate to increased income over the time in question. None of them are "small considerations", they are all financial costs and each, in and of itself, does a great deal to offset the supposed savings. Taken in total, they completely negate the "savings", and the deficit increases every year.
It wasn't worth it for her to work. She can take several years off, and then find another job and maintain most of the benefits you describe.
It is almost never "not worth it" to work, and while she might maintain most of the benefits once she starts working again, she will never make up the lost time. If she is making a lot of money, this deficit doesn't matter much. But that's a lot more than most teachers make.
I love the "exact stats" followed by the sobby stuff. For now, ain't no childcare that costs $25K/year for one kid, so your example fails on its face.
Rask,
If her job doesn't pay well enough to pay for day care, well, then you shouldn't have had the kids.
Pretty much. Or at least both parents need to be working, rather than the absurd luxury of letting one take time off.
You have steadfastly ignored the possibility of divorce or job loss. Particularly the former. Most women go on welfare because of a change in family status, and it's always because they aren't working. That's at the low end of the income scale.
If I say that day care would bankrupt me without my wife staying home, Cal says that I can't afford that number of kids on my 100k per year salary.
Well, you won't be paying for five kids in daycare all at the same time unless you have multiples or pop out a kid every nine months.
But in fact, you really can't afford five children on a $100K salary, and if the only way you can afford it is to completely stunt the income growth of one of the partners, it is a very poor risk. Almost all women and many children suffer a serious drop in living standards post divorce, and they are all women who took this risk and lost. Given that the odds of divorce are extremely high in comparison to the odds of widowhood, I find it odd how many parents aren't willing to pay "insurance" by keeping both spouses employable and maintaining a dual income stream.
Having a high income is unimportant, I'm sure. Being able to provide for your children is equally unimportant? I find that unlikely.
I certainly agree that women should not put all trust in their husbands
But staying home without the ability to directly provide for your child is putting all trust in the husband.
You have it backwards. Most parents can't afford the luxury of having a parent stay home. They are doing it, but it is the equivalent of using credit cards to the extent of $30K a year or so, and they can't afford it. In about 60% of the cases, they'll be able to pay it off, over time.
It's also absurd to say this has no financial impact, Rask, since it is commonly accepted that the reason women's net worth, salaries, and so on are substantially less than men is because they took time out of the workplace to raise kids. How is it exactly that you then argue it has no financial impact?
It never makes financial sense to stay at home, just as it never makes sense to buy a Porsche. That's what makes a luxury a luxury. You are perfectly willing to have your kids suffer in the event that you get divorced, which is far more likely than your death.
Parents are responsible for providing for their children. A parent who takes five years out of their career is abandoning a significant asset, as well as neglecting their primary responsibility as a parent.
Your argument seems to be that the only way for parents to afford kids is to ensure that one of the two can't provide for them at all.
"But Cal, if I don't go $100K into debt, how else can I get the Porsche?"
No, it's not. You talk about groups constantly, Rask, and you damn well know that it is entirely possible to talk about "mother's situation" in total.
Your wife is a teacher (although we could go into whether she'd be a teacher if she didn't have another income to rely on) and I agree that in her particular case, she's only foregoing a bit of income. But that's because at this particular point in time teachers are a pretty secure profession. That hasn't always been true, as you know, and there were times that would have been a very risky choice.
But notwithstanding her relative security, it is absurd to claim that taking five years out of your career (or more, if you have more kids) doesn't have serious financial repercussions for most people, regardless of gender or "their situation".
New census figures show an Asian migration out of the nation's major urban cities. San Francisco is still the gateway into America for many Asians. But many are migrating into the suburbs and in some cases into other states, according to the latest census numbers.
No, some of them do not. Unemployment insurance? that is irrelevant for a stay at home mom.
"None of them are "small considerations", they are all financial costs and each, in and of itself, does a great deal to offset the supposed savings."
No, some are a pittance, such as disability insurance.
"Taken in total, they completely negate the "savings", and the deficit increases every year. "
No, they do not. Your arrogance here is beyond belief. You presume to know our personal finances better than we do.
"It is almost never "not worth it" to work, and while she might maintain most of the benefits once she starts working again, she will never make up the lost time. If she is making a lot of money, this deficit doesn't matter much. But that's a lot more than most teachers make."
This is simply a bald assertion. You have no clue what you are talking about. Whether or not taking a few years off is worth it is indeed a simple matter of cost benefit analysis.
Costs of taking a year off: Lost salary, deferred salary increases, reduced employability, increased exposure to certain risks, etc.
Costs of working: Cost of day care, costs of commuting, work related expenses, increased sick days, etc. Risks (increased chance of horrible car accident on commute, workplace injury, stress-related health problems for some jobs, etc.)
All of these are quantifiable, and the optimal decision will not be the same for every household. You seem to assume that just because there is a risk on one side of the equation, that the conclusion is foregone. This simply isn't the case. Risks vary greatly depending on the situation, and the net risk is still just a probability.
On the household. Our marriage is very strong, and my wife knows this.
"You have steadfastly ignored the possibility of divorce or job loss. Particularly the former. Most women go on welfare because of a change in family status, and it's always because they aren't working. That's at the low end of the income scale."
I haven't ignored these. They are very low risks in our lives. Both of us are extremely employable and we have a strong marriage. Besides, even if I were a bastard and left her in a lurch, my wife's family would ensure that she was taken care of. But even if that wasn't the case, it needn't matter, as there are risks to everything, and different people have different risk tolerances. You are simply assuming that one size fits all for every household. It doesn't.
"But in fact, you really can't afford five children on a $100K salary"
Maybe not where you live. Circumstances vary. My parents raised 4 kids on a small town teacher's salary. I don't think Dad ever made over 40k, even when he retired 3 years ago.
But there are many different ways of managing risk. I agree that women in general manage this risk poorly, but there are a dozen other ways to deal with it other than paying more in day care than you make in a year. Examples: Having high employability, having large savings, a pre-nup, choosing your relationships better (this is a huge problem in most failed marriages, in my opinion - too many women think they can make Mr Right, and too many men are willing to pretend to be Mr Right for awhile in order to get regularly laid), etc. You are very narrow-minded in how you think risk can be managed. If you truly are this risk averse it is a wonder that you ever dare leave the house in the morning.
For an "average mother"? You *can*, but I don't consider it very meaningful in this case because of the amount of variability. It is akin to talking about what major one should choose for the "average college student". You can come up with an answer, but it will be wrong for the majority of people.
The advice I would give for the "average mother" is:
1) avoid having kids until you have your career on track.
2) choose the right guy, and buy him "off the rack", as my wife puts it.
3) Hedge your bets. Save.
4) Balance your career and your family based on your own personal knowledge of your situation. Assess your salary, your career prospects, the strength of your marriage, and the costs of day care, etc. before making a decision. Re-assess constantly, as you can always jump back in the job market, or take time off, later if circumstances change.
"Your wife is a teacher (although we could go into whether she'd be a teacher if she didn't have another income to rely on)"
She chose being a teacher long before we began dating, and she was doing very well on her own, because she is very frugal.
"and I agree that in her particular case, she's only foregoing a bit of income. But that's because at this particular point in time teachers are a pretty secure profession. That hasn't always been true, as you know, and there were times that would have been a very risky choice."
Sure. But my point is that the optimal decision depends greatly on individual circumstances.
Of course it has serious financial repercussions. But so does paying for day care. The latter can easily outweigh the former. Your mileage may vary.
You seem to forget that those in lower incomes have *more* kids, not less.
That made me think of an article in Slate I once read.
Kids as Status Symbols
The rich not only have more money, they may also have more children.
It's from 1997, I am sure there are newer stats available by now. Anyway, while it's true that the poorest American households have more kids than average, the richest American households have even more kids.
<$10.000: 2,3
Avg. income: 1,98
>$75.000: 1,8
>$250.000: 2,3
Forbes-400: 2,88
We actually see a similar pattern here, although child care is heavily subsidised, thus definitely economically attractive and fairly good in quality too, I should say.
We have also seen enrollment rates skyrocket from 40% in 1975 to above 90% today when we're talking 3-5 year olds, and it's approaching 60% for 0-2 year olds.
It has been a long-standing political ambition to be able to offer publicly funded daycare for everybody when the kid is 1 year of age.
Overcoming a substantial gap in employment experience takes much longer than a year or two to overcome. In the event that a wage earner dies, leaves the marriage or is unable to earn that wage, the SAHP and children are undoubtedly going to suffer an extreme decrease in their living standard for at least 5 years (studies conflict, some point to as long as 10 years), slowly improving with time.
But the improvement only goes so far; often SAHPs find themselves without insufficient amounts of SS and/or other retirement funds once they get to that age. So much of their wages went to “catching” up to the life style level provided by the now-gone Wage Earner, that little is left over for retirement investment.
Again, having one parent stay at home is a gamble and a big one. Unless the family has enough inherent wealth that they can afford the “loss” if the bet doesn’t go there way, it is a gamble that carries a very high price.
there way = their way
It seems to me that you're basing your entire assessment on the "risk" of divorce and the value of money. That's fine we each our fears and our priorities in life and I can understand that having been burned you may be more sensitive to the issue.
The fear of divorce is not a fear that my wife and I have. We also happen to value other things above money. One of those things is her staying home with the kids. Suffice it to say that we won't agree on the point and in the end in comes down to individual fears, insecurities, values, judgments and decisions. We're happy with ours. Hopefully, you're happy with yours. And ne'er the twain shall meet.
Of course, this assumes that no one is ever blind sided by a spouse wanting to divorce or that life circumstance could change where divorce was suddenly not as unimaginable.
Not wishing it on you at all, but we are talking generalalities, not specifically about you.
"these navel-gazing debates" are in every thread, regardless of the topic at hand. Some have involved posters navel-gazing about their house, others about their looks, intelligence or income and others for whatever.
This is not where most of America lives.
No doubt, Moties for the most part are not living there either.
A huge proportion of marriages ending in divorce is yet perfectly consistent with a high subjective estimate that one's own marriage will not end in divorce.
"You shouldn't take that risk" is like saying "you shouldn't waste your money on beanie babies." It's a statement about someone's optimal decision based on preferences & beliefs they don't actually have.
Oh, absolutely. But no one can prevent their marriage ending--sure, they can kill the spouse to prevent divorce but it's still over.
Is there some cool whizbang term for that, a "game" that either person has the ability to end at any time?
Also the "risk" of lost wages and career opportunities doesn't really apply to most people without College degrees/professions. They are working in blue collar and service sector jobs where wages are actually decreasing.
Horse shit. A tradesperson with 10 years of experience is going to make a higher wage and have greater job opportunites than one with 3 years exp.
You are also discounting that any one with or without a degree who is not working in any given year is therefore not contributing to their SS that year.
I think what we're first establishing is that there is risk, and a great deal of it. That's what is being argued right now.
If someone believes daycare by a non-parent poses a risk to his or her child's development, is that not admissible in the calculus?
Doesn't risk have to be established by terms that everyone would agree on? The social and actual cost of women quitting work or not working to start with is indisputable. There hasn't been a single study done on childcare vs. home care that hasn't demonstrated pros and cons to both, and it's not like people haven't tried.
Besides, there are ways in which parents could keep their child out of daycare and still keep both parents economically viable.
We actually began this as a discussion on the worth (or lack thereof) of all other housework. (except daycare, which I agreed had value). The point was that over time, the hit of taking time out of the workplace is far more expensive than the cost of daycare.
Of course it has serious financial repercussions. But so does paying for day care. The latter can easily outweigh the former.
This is silly. Paying for daycare does not have serious financial repercussions. It is a one-time cost. Comparing that to the long term damage of leaving the workplace is ludicrous.
The latter doesn't "easily" outweigh the former. In fact, I doubt it ever outweighs the former. It is probably true that in some careers, a woman who makes less than $50K a year can take five years off and suffer no less damage than a woman who makes $150K a year, due to the strictly controlled salaries. But that's a far cry from "easily", it still is a loss, and it's a huge exception, not the rule.
This addresses all of Cal Gal's stated aims with regard to both spouses achieving paid work. Yet, it is idiotic, as our household is poorer, because my wife is paying income tax. Any comments?
Alternative: I pay my neighbor's wife to watch my kids and clean my house, and my neighbor pays my wife to do the same for him. Both our wives are now gainfully employed, yet we each take a nice hit in income taxes.
One time costs can have serious financial repercussions, and can easily be directly compared to long term costs. You seem to think that just because a cost is spread out into the future, it is impossible for it to be less than a cost which occurs in the present. This is absolutely false.
"The latter doesn't "easily" outweigh the former. In fact, I doubt it ever outweighs the former. It is probably true that in some careers, a woman who makes less than $50K a year can take five years off and suffer no less damage than a woman who makes $150K a year, due to the strictly controlled salaries. But that's a far cry from "easily", it
still is a loss, and it's a huge exception, not the rule. "
Prove it. I maintain that you don't know what you are talking about, as you haven't done the math.
And I'm sure your neighbor will do a ine job raising your kids for you. Just hide the scotch. Just in case.
(for those of you who haven't been following the debate, the above post is sarcasm)
Heh. Obviously, my point was that it doesn't matter if work within the household is paid or unpaid, all else being equal. But when paid work is taxed, it is decidedly not equal.
Well, above and beyond your intended sarcasm, this is true from a societal/economic standpoint.
Like it or not, we live in a world where safety, stability, comfort and opportunity are in a large part provided and ensured by economic viability.
Any parent that decreases his or her economic viability by extended absences from the labor force is gambling with the financial safety (and all that entails) of the children and him or herself.
i don't really give a fuck what you think. Get this, it's none of your business, and that's what it comes down to. What you don't seem to understand is that you don't rule the Universe and your "Morality" (also known as prayer to the dollar) does not apply to everyone. I think engaging in the capitalist system is immoral and abusive but i bet you can't see that with your head shoved so far up your ass that you think it's on your shoulders.
My kid's extremely happy, well fed and clothed, intelligent and doesn't have any behavioural problems and Oh yeah, very least of all, well taken care of! considering that both of her parents are trying to go to school and get out of the working class quagmire so that she will avoid it's pitfalls Especially since she's Italian-american and less likely to go to college than almost any other ethnicity in the US...but I'm probably not intelligent enough to make decisions for myself, to understand my child's needs more fully than you.
Do you feel safe and smug behind that computer screen or do you feel like a small little worm who is so uncomfortable in it's own skin that it has to lash out in very unappropriate ways at those who might question your position?
You can have whatever opinion you want but i think calling some one abusive without actually knowing their situation is not only assinine and mean it also shows the depths of your conceit and stupidity.
standards of behavior, etc. on our kids than Mary Poppins or Carlita Fernandez."
And this is a very valid point. Cal is right that the jury is still out on whether day care helps or hinders child development, but there is surely variance. For those kids who it hinders, there is added benefit to being cared for at home. For those kids it helps, there is a disadvantage to being care for at home.
Perhaps for people with average characteristics there is a great deal of risk. Why should I act on that if I don't have those characteristics? Or if I have characteristics that were not controlled for? The risk is being argued for on the basis of studies that identify conditional means -- what if my unobserved characteristics are subsumed in a random disturbance term by the modeler?
Doesn't risk have to be established by terms that everyone would agree on? The social and actual cost of women quitting work or not working to start with is indisputable. There hasn't been a single study done on childcare vs. home care that hasn't demonstrated pros and cons to both, and it's not like people haven't tried.
You have to be careful about invoking studies. If they are done well, and as you know that's a big if, they are capable of conveying information about a conditional average. Even that is too much detail for a press release, so CNN-ready reports may even just report an unconditional mean.
So the studies on the effect of daycare may find no significant effect. That is a statement about average differences from zero, normed by the variability.
Yet there is a distribution of outcomes for children in each treatment. Now perhaps my belief is that I, personally, would occupy one of the tails of that distribution. That is a perfectly rational belief and consistent with the population distribution.
The point is that you have to be careful about substituting a population average when discussing any particular case. (It's called the "ecological fallacy.") When you move from "this is the typical effect of such and such an action" to "you, personally, would see something like that effect" or even "you, personally, should not take that action," that's basically what you are doing.
I've seen that sausage factory, and I don't wish to eat the sausage.
But no one can prevent their marriage ending--sure, they can kill the spouse to prevent divorce but it's still over.
That is a description of a possible outcome. For making a decision one needs to know the probability of it. And, you can't substitute the population average or population frequency for any particular case.
Is there some cool whizbang term for that, a "game" that either person has the ability to end at any time?
No, not really. Games get special designation if you need a special technique to solve them -- that's a special case of other classes of them.
(and all that entails) of the children and him or herself. "
See my hypothetical. I think what we are really seeing here is that you, Cal, and Erin are really making value judgments on the *career choices* of stay at home moms. You don't like the fact that they are choosing day care and housecleaning as a temporary career. Frankly, I don't see how this is any more valid than criticizing someone for choosing to be a waitress, a cashier, or a teacher. Taking your logic to the extreme, any woman who does not pursue an MBA in finance or some other path to a high income career is facing unacceptable and unnecessary risk.
Of course they do. Whatever led you to assume otherwise?
It's not a question of parents not instilling values, but there can be competing values and if Rask is afraid of other values competing with his (and presumably his wife's) than the values instilled during day care do become an issue.
If a woman is truly choosing house cleaning and daycare as a temporary career, there is a good chance she'd be contributing to her SS in that time.
Betty, if you really didn’t “give a fuck” what I think you wouldn’t have reacted with such venom.
Nonetheless, I never said I was the final arbitrator in what is right and wrong. Go back and read the post. IMO means In My Opinion. As an opinion, I give that statement no more value than what it is, the opinion of a uninterested third party.
The rest of post is more of you “not giving a fuck” about my opinion by being insulting and snide, therefore I will ignore it.
My wife is an education professional, is a terrific mom, only has two kids to watch, and she has much greater control over who my kids hang out with, and their behavior. The kids also get sick much less at home.
Values at day care didn't concern me much. Most daycares instill values consistent with ours, although I can easily see how this would not be the case for some parents. A good friend of mine pulled her kid out of the day care we were using because they were fighting her on the use of alternative medicine to treat her child. I happened to agree with the day care.
Well, of course they are. But this is a different question than what you initially asked.
"If a woman is truly choosing house cleaning and daycare as a temporary career, there is a good chance she'd be contributing to her SS in that time."
But Social Security isn't a particularly good investment. You could easily meet or exceed the benefits of social security tax payments through saving or investing an identical sum yourself.
That is my point. There are many other ways of managing risk exposure.
What do you mean by sick? Are you talking colds and ear infections, or something more serious?
Social Security is only one example of an investment housewives don't make. And actually, it's not that bad of an investment.
Well, no, try again.
I haven’t made any value calls on SAHP (note that I have used the word ‘parent’ through out not ‘mother’) and I was a SAHM for several years many years ago.
I have said (repeatedly) the any parent removing himself or herself from the labor pool for an extended amount of time is gambling with his or her (and the children’s) financial viability.
The statement is a recognition of risk not a value judgment on lifestyle.
Generally, a few broad and non-controversial recommendations are in order.
The more money the better; the more help the better; and the more love, the better.
Come on people now, smile on yer' brother . ..
I never said the values conflicted.
"What do you mean by sick? Are you talking colds and ear infections, or something more serious?"
Mostly colds (and the ensuing ear infections), and pink eye. But also the rotovirus, which was a miserable experience that brought down our entire household for a week.
"What values exactly do you mean, then, that you don't want your children exposed to?"
I think you are confusing me with someone else. I haven't said much about values.
"Social Security is only one example of an investment housewives don't make. And actually, it's not that bad of an investment."
No, it isn't a bad investment. It just is one where equal benefits can easily be obtained in other ways, for the same amount of money. As such, the fact that you have to work to get social security benefits is not a good argument for working.
But so is any parent who doesn't choose a high paying career with easy employability. Why don't you point out the risks that waitresses are making in choosing to be in a low paying job with little career potential?
Excuse me, zojak, but where do you get off implying that children who go to daycare are raised by someone other than their parents?
Well Erin, if a daycare provider is spending upwards of 40 hours a week with your child/ren then the daycare provider has a significant input. To adopt your phrase and attitude, where do you get off implying there is no input?
"Thought experiment: I pay my wife 30k per year in order to clean the house and provide day care while I am at my job. I also provide bennies, such as unemployment insurance (in case I want to fire her), and make the appropriate social security payments.
This addresses all of Cal Gal's stated aims with regard to both spouses achieving paid work. Yet, it is idiotic, as our household is poorer, because my wife is paying income tax. Any comments? "
As far as I can see, the most potentially controversial thing our daycare provider teaches our son is to pray before he eats.
The school he attends is not raising him. They are caring for him. And in all my first-hand experience with daycare, from attending, to seeing my siblings attend, to sending my child into three different care situations, I have yet to see any of them do anything but provide the most basic care, stimulating environments, etc.
Through the course of the day, your child will get in conflicts with others, will see others in conflict, etc. They'll learn to deal with it in the manner they see there. They will see the provider get frustrated and will learn to deal with the frustration in part in the same manner the daycare provider does.
erin, perhaps you've found a daycare provider you trust to do as good a job as you would do on providing the most basic care. that's wonderful. My wife, however, does much more than provide basic care. They're in museums, the zoo, and all sorts of other places almost every day. In short, she does much more than any other daycare provider I have ever heard of does.
On your "thought experiment":
You began by claiming that your wife was saving you money by staying home. Surely you aren't saying that daycare for 2 kids costs $30K/year?
Second question: could you afford to pay your wife $30K/year for nannying two kids, plus unemployment, plus bennies (although she could negotiate more cash because her husband has bennies), plus social security?
I agree that's about how much a full-time nanny (daycare only) would cost. I just don't think you can afford it. I know that your wife, who is a teacher, couldn't afford a nanny on her own income.
So if a full-time nanny costs that much and you can't afford it on both of your incomes, why would you reduce your family income, put your wife's financial viability at risk, and still get a nanny?
I am not judging your lifestyle; I actually think it's unlikely you'll get divorced and any fool who lives in Minnesota can't be all that concerned about quality of life. So in your particular case, it's probably safe to risk your wife's income in exchange for the immediate payout of daycare.
But I am puzzled that your argument for the wife staying home is that you couldn't afford the daycare. The solution to daycare costs is for one partner to take a permanent hit to her lifetime income and immediately eliminate her own ability to provide for her children?
I think I did, and betty had a cow. Of course explicit in my statement to betty was the fact that "deliberate" poverty when raising children (in other words, not making yourself as financially secure as you can) was IMO, a form of abuse.
It was the deliberateness of the act that find (IMO) reprehensible. I have nothing but compassion for and the urge to assist those who are doing the best they can but need our assistance to succeed.
There are many other ways of managing risk exposure.
Yes, I agree. There are many ways to mitigate the risk, but you have to be AWARE of the risk first.
The fact that the provider may have been managing conflicts like these for years, and may actually be trained in handling these things, and is not emotionally attached to the child the way the parent is, actually makes them better qualified on average than the average parent is.
Copyright 2002 The Press Enterprise Co.
THE PRESS-ENTERPRISE (RIVERSIDE, CA.)
February 07, 2002, Thursday
Correction Appended
HEADLINE: Concern about child care: INLAND: So few options means quality takes a back seat in parents' decisions, a report says.
GEORGE WATSON; THE PRESS-ENTERPRISE
Licensed child care in the Inland area remains such a scarce and expensive commodity that parents are forced to choose programs based primarily on cost and flexibility rather than quality, a report says.
The report found child-care availability has improved slightly since 1998. But child-care advocates fear that a depressed economy and a new commitment to national security will cut into
state and federal funding for children in Riverside and San Bernardino counties.
"Families are strapped," said Pamela Murphy, children's services unit administrator for Riverside County's office of education.
"They just don't have the resources to make the choices they want, and even when they do, they don't have the options to choose from. It's a complicated lifestyle."
Higher than rent
The California Child Care Resource and Referral Network found the state's average cost of full-time licensed day care for a child 2 or younger exceeded the fair-market rent for a
two-bedroom home.
For many couples, the cost of child care forces them to decide if and when they will have children. And those who already have
a child sometimes decide not to have more.
(More to come....)
Take the Stacys, a Murrieta couple with a 2-year-old daughter. They are considering having another child but cannot fathom doubling their current child-care expenses of $550 per month.
"You're talking another mortgage," Dan Stacy said. "Even the tax write-off isn't all that much."
Even when parents can afford licensed child care, finding a provider continues to be a problem across the state, where the report found only 22 percent of the 4 million children needing
care can find available slots.
Effect of growth
Riverside and San Bernardino counties face an even bleaker outlook, said the report, based on 1999-2000 data from all 58 counties. That's because the region is growing more rapidly than
the number of new child care providers.
Licensed child care covers 17 percent of the estimated need in Riverside County and 15 percent in San Bernardino County. And like the rest of the state, child care expenses still exceed
fair market housing in both counties.
Many waiting
"We have an extensive waiting list," said Jenny Mott, director of ABC Child Care Center in Temecula. The spacious center in southwest Riverside County is much sought after because it is open from 4:45 a.m. to midnight.
(More coming....)
for day care, wages for child-care workers in the
state are just above the federal poverty line. In
1998, child-care workers at nonprofit centers in
Washington averaged $7.81 an hour, state
figures show. Their counterparts at for-profit
centers made even less: $7.54 an hour. "
houses and then they all have to find child care."
Often, getting a slot seems to come down to fate.
"I tried to plan it out, but I was a tad late," said Lisa Metz, who moved to Temecula from Woodland Hills in September and needed care for her 5-year-old daughter. "I was really lucky to
get a spot here at (ABC)."
ABC's waiting list for infant and toddler care is more than six months for the $165-a-week slots, Mott said. Infant and toddler care is hardest to find because the required ratio of adults to children is 1-to-4, a service some providers can't afford, she
added.
Most parents seeking infant care put their names on the waiting list as soon as they learn the mother is pregnant. Parents who waited until the end of the mother's maternity leave to start
looking for child care might not come up on the list until the child is no longer an infant, Mott said.
Home care
Some parents opt to have caregivers come to their home, an option full of rewards and risks.
Diane Miller, who lives with her two children, ages 5 and 8, in Bloomington in San Bernardino County, has already waded through a list of 30 licensed baby sitters recommended by the county's
Referral Service.
She has struggled to find someone who can deliver her children to and from school and then watch them until she returns from work. Miller says she has also missed work because of unreliable child care.
"The last time, I begged my mother-in-law to watch the kids for a few days while I looked for somebody else," said Miller, who currently is using a baby sitter for child care.
(More to come...)
I know there is a surplus here.
State subsidies
Across the region, some low-income parents are aided through subsidies that pay for some or all child-care costs. CalWORKs, the state's welfare-to-work system, provides child-care subsidies, but that doesn't guarantee a slot at a licensed care provider. Meanwhile, many other low-income parents remain on waiting lists for assistance.
The child-care problem partly stems from a lack of new centers and home-based care because, as the report cited, it's difficult to make money in the business. The statewide average salary for
a child-care worker is $17,420, the report stated, while those who operate centers face large expenses in qualifying for licensing and buying insurance.
(More coming)
There is a difference between income maximization and maintaining an income stream that supports your children. If a parent chooses to have children based on the lifestyle they choose to provide, that's their call. If they can't provide it themselves and are living off of someone else's ability to provide, then they are putting their children at risk.
Yes, there are other ways that a parent can make decisions that puts the child's economic security at risk. But none are as substantial, with no guarantee of an upside, as pulling yourself out of the job market for an extended period of time.
Your statement that I don't approve of this "career choice" is incorrect. For one thing, staying home isn't a career choice. It is a choice to do less, to opt out of one critical responsibility of parenting, in exchange for 8-10 hours of daycare.
So it's impossible for me to approve or disapprove of someone quitting their job in order to kick back and enjoy staying at home for five years. If they are enjoying themselves and aren't putting themselves or their ability to provide for their children at risk, then I'm happy for them. Having a husband act as a wallet is not covering the risk, and in those cases I just think they are being irresponsible parents. Nothing to do with career choices, Rask. I just look at the numbers.
I also know that their risk may be justified. After all, 60% of marriages don't end, and chances are decent that they will be able to enjoy their time off and go back to work or do whatever they like on their own timetable.
But there's no point in pretending the risk isn't there, and it isn't substantial. The stats are clear on that point.
can still devote time to the other five kids she watches. (SEE CORRECTION)
"We chose this for the love of the children, not the money,because we don't make a lot," Rosen said. "The ones who are getting into this thinking it's easy money are not going to make
it."
Kari Murphy, Corona-Norco Unified's PTA council president, said she moved to Corona 15 years ago and was surprised at the lack
of quality day care and supervised afterschool care.
Murphy, whose kids are now grown, said child care should be expensive if it means quality service. But Murphy said she has
seen the worst that child care can offer.
About 15 years ago, Murphy hired a woman -- highly recommended by a friend -- to watch her son. The woman turned out to be an
alcoholic, Murphy said. Two weeks after she was hired, someone found the woman passed out in a shopping center from a drinking binge, Murphy said. Her son and another child were abandoned in
a shopping cart, she said.
"I would encourage them to stay home," Murphy said of mothers. "It is better for the children."
But Shelley Waters Boots, the research director for the report, said that not everyone can stay home, so new solutions must be
found. Increased funding will always be important, she said, but more important, state leaders must agree to make child care a
part of the state's economic infrastructure.
* * *
(Almost done)
SUPPLY
In Riverside County, there are 6 times more children, ages 0-13, with working parents than licensed child-care slots.
Statewide, there are 4.6 times more children, ages 0-13, with working parents than licensed child-care slots.
The county ranks 55th among California's 58 counties in its supply of licensed child care.
Total Riverside County children whose parents work: 201,012
Licensed child-sare slots: 33,285
Licensed child-care slots: 2000: 28,973 2002: 33,285
COST
$7,473
Average annual cost a family must pay to keep an infant at a
licensed child-care center.
Estimated portion of income a family must pay:
FOR A LOW INCOME FAMILY
$30,000/yr. Or less
Child care 25%
Housing 24%
FOR A FAMILY AT MEDIAN INCOME
$39,011/yr.
Child care 19%
Housing 19%
For households in Riverside County
Note: Percentages are rounded.
* * *
SUPPLY
In San Bernardino County, there are 6.6 times more children, ages 0-13, with working parents than licensed child-care slots.
Statewide, there are 4.6 times more children, ages 0-13, with working parents than licensed child-care slots.
The county ranks 57th among California's 58 counties in its supply of licensed child care.
(Last section coming)
Total San Bernardino County children whose parents work: 225,865
Licensed child-sare slots: 34,173
Licensed child-care slots: 2000: 31,126 2002: 34,173
COST
$7,246
Average annual cost a family must pay to keep an infant at a licensed child-care center.
Estimated portion of income a family must pay:
FOR A LOW INCOME FAMILY
$30,000/yr. Or less
Child care 24%
Housing 24%
FOR A FAMILY AT MEDIAN INCOME
$39,556/yr.
Child care 18%
Housing 18%
For households in San Bernardino County
Note: Percentages are rounded.
NOTES: Staff writers Tina Bennett, Elena Arnold, Erin Randolph and Michael Coronado contributed to this report.
I am saying that paying for day care for two kids requires 30k in income, because of taxes.
"Second question: could you afford to pay your wife $30K/year for nannying two kids, plus unemployment, plus bennies (although she
could negotiate more cash because her husband has bennies), plus social security?"
Ignoring income taxes she would pay, sure, because the money goes right back into the household. My expense = her income. It is a wash.
"So if a full-time nanny costs that much and you can't afford it on both of your incomes, why would you reduce your family income, put your wife's financial viability at risk, and still get a nanny?"
See above. The nanny is essentially free, because the money stays in the household.
"But I am puzzled that your argument for the wife staying home is that you couldn't afford the daycare. The solution to daycare costs is for
one partner to take a permanent hit to her lifetime income and immediately eliminate her own ability to provide for her children?"
You misconstrue the problem. We *could* afford day care, but the costs of day care exceeded my wife's net income, and would have even if she had worked for several more years. We saved money by having her quite her job, and now have higher quality day care.
And it *didn't* eliminate her ability to provide for her own children. Because of her savings, her work experience, and her family connections, she faces little risk if I weaseled out on her.
My point was also that she was a fairly well-paid professional (above average income levels for her age). If she was in a lower paying profession - a secretary, a cashier, a waitress, a nurse, etc. *Or* if we had more kids, it would have been *even more* in our financial advantage to have her leave her job. There are a hell of a lot of families with more kids than us, and with at least one parent who makes less than my wife.
choice to do less, to opt out of one critical responsibility of parenting, in exchange for 8-10 hours of daycare."
But day care is a career choice. This was the point of my thought experiment, where my wife was explicitly paid for work that she already does.
Let us make this even simpler. Forget that my wife is a teacher. Imagine she is a day care worker (she used to be). How can you say that you are not objecting to her choice of career, when all she is choosing is to do the same job and not get paid, while simultaneously avoiding our paying for other day care workers to do the same job she is very qualified to do?
I have never disputed this. I have simply said that that there are many other ways of managing this risk, and having one parent put their career on hold for a few years can be a perfectly sensible financial choice for many families. That is, it *isn't* necessarily a "luxury" as you maintained.
So if what is being put away (and not spent on a new furniture!) allows the SAHP to transistion back to supporting the family, then it would work.
The problem is that most people underestimate what kind of hit they are going to take after being out of the workforce for 5+ years.
His grammar, vocabulary, manners...and yes, values...mostly if not all came from daycare, an exceptional one, to be sure. So I think it is very important to realize your child is going to be influenced by whomever is caring for him/her. And if those who care for your child are good people, the results will benefit your family...and if not, they won't.
I'm not dissing childcare. People make choices that are right for them. Everyone has different circumstances. Erin is obviously hapy with her childcare provider. Cal is aswell. The only part of this thatmakes no sense to me is Cal's untractable position that staying at home and caring for the children isn't considered a job. In the end though, it'a all just personal preference, ability, and semantics.
if you accuse some one who cares deeply about the well being of their child of being abusive you are looking for venom. Last time I checked, car accidents were the number one cause of death for children, not poverty. If you had said that putting a kid in a car is abusive you could have potentially had somewhere to stand, instead you just seem like a fucking asshole.
back to your other "point" about trades people with more experience making more money...since we are primarily concerned with women in this arguement, and since it is the working class woman more likely to stay home than the working class man with the kids, your point is meaningless since we know that very few working class women are in the trades. And as i have said real wages for all blue collar jobs are down. More non-union labor/jobs means further erosion of wages...coming from a family where all the men save two are in the trades i know this first hand...not to mention the seasonal nature of most of that work. Very few working class, poor women are in the trades they work retail or as nursing assistants, waitresses, etc jobs with very gradual earning slopes...a five year hiatus means about a dollar or two an hour, at best.
Well, no not strictly speaking it isn't. When it comes to the ability to support children, issues have a way of sliding into the social arena. Like it or not, we are a culture that tries not to allow kids to starve in our streets, therefore private sphere decisions concerning the support of children will always open the door just a bit to social commentary.
If we were discussing adults without children, I wouldn't give a rat's ass if they took 12 years off to braid a leg hair afghan... it's the support of minor children that is at the heart of the issue.
Maybe if you wouldn't have cut off the quote where you did and had left it as: personal preference, ability, and semantics, then you would not have mischaracterized what I said in your litle oratory there.
Before you try this kind of “argument” with me, please take an Intro to Logic course first … you’ve violated so many rules of a valid argument form that I can’t count them all.
Add on top of that that I never defined “abuse” as equating death and that paragraph is a waste of a response. I’m sorry it hurt your feelings; nonetheless, deliberately living at the edge of the poverty level when you don’t have to is IMO a form of abuse akin to neglect.
since we are primarily concerned with women in this argument
No, YOU seem to be primarily concerned with woman. I believe my argument holds true for both genders.
Very few working class, poor women are in the trades they work retail or as nursing assistants, waitresses, etc jobs with very gradual earning slopes...a five year hiatus means about a dollar or two an hour, at best.
Again, horse crap. The only position you named that that most likely wouldn’t be harmed by an extended departure is waitress. All the rest of those promote, give raises and opportunists by experience and seniority.
And again, it’s not JUST the derailment of a job path, it’s also SS contributions, current wages, etc. All of it amounts to a risk that should be avoided.
Again, sarcasm aside, I still believe you are incorrect. Ability (I'm assuming you are referring to the birth-given type)
are outside the control of individuals to change much ... I ain't never gonna be a pro ball player.
But personal choice is in our power ... and because it is, there will be a public dialog concerning those choices.
That's all I was saying.
It is not a career choice. The job analogy doesn't hold up.
You wouldn't only have to explicitly pay your wife, you'd have to be able to explicitly set standards, explicitly give her raises and, most importantly, explicitly fire her.
If you divorce her, her termination check is the same regardless, dependent not on her performance, but yours.
In fact, your wife could sit at home all day and eat candy while you hire an actual nanny to do all the work, and her "pay" would be identical.
But then society is being presented with the bill of those terrible choices, and welfare is only the start of it. Family courts are a big bill we pay, and a good amount of it is in wives squabbling with husbands over child support.
And even when the mother manages to raise her kids without welfare and with whatever money she gets from the ex, there is her lack of retirement funds to take into consideration, which brings Social Security into the picture. How many times do we hear about the poor old lady with no retirement funds?
Of course, some of them just look to their kids, who probably would have traded a few years in daycare for freedom from mom's retirement bills.
But your wife is only responsible for half of daycare, given that both of you work. I can't believe that half of the daycare expense exceeded your wife's net income.
You don't think day care is a career?
"You wouldn't only have to explicitly pay your wife, you'd have to be able to explicitly set standards, explicitly give her raises and, most
importantly, explicitly fire her."
Umm... please explain to me why this is relevant from my wife's perspective? It just sounds to me like a good job.
"In fact, your wife could sit at home all day and eat candy while you hire an actual nanny to do all the work, and her "pay" would be identical."
False. She would be out the money we are paying for the nanny.
"But your wife is only responsible for half of daycare, given that both of you work. I can't believe that half of the daycare expense exceeded your wife's net income."
This is silly.
1) My wife and I don't do household planning the way you evidently did. All of our money is jointly owned. Both checks went into our joint account, and all expenses came out of there as well. As such, *she* wasn't responsible for half - *we* were responsible for all. As her income was less than mine, it made more sense financially for her to take the time off.
2) Even if we managed finances completely separately, it wouldn't have mattered. She would still be better off financially if she had quit her job to provide her half of day care obligations, and accepted payment from me for my half.
I wouldn't even have to pay her a salary. I could just deposit the money in her solo checking account.
Staying at home taking care of your kids is the equivalent of a job. It is the functional equivalent of daycare (in that it replaces the need for daycare), but that's different.
It just sounds to me like a good job.
It could be a sweet deal or a bad one. But it's not a job if you can't be fired, if you have no performance standards, if you can do anything you like and your "employer" can't do a damn thing about it, if your employer could suddenly reduce your "pay" to zero and you had no legal recourse.
Staying at home is a cushy little deal that women take advantage of and that works out to their advantage if they don't get divorced. But it's not a job.
False. She would be out the money we are paying for the nanny.
She'd still get the same payout that has nothing to do with her performance. She could have stayed home for those years while you got fired for embezzlement and ran off to Vegas to try and gamble the money back, lost it all and offed yourself in grief and embarrassment. Her payout has nothing to do with her performance and is entirely based on yours. There is no guarantee that she'll do a good job or be better off.
Actually, since she makes less than you it actually makes more sense for you to stay home, since she's the one who doesn't have the adequate income stream. Your career and lifetime income can more easily stand the hit.
In order to adequately assess the costs and the risk, Rask, you have to be honest with the numbers. She is only responsible for the cost of half of daycare. Looked at that way, suddenly her work becomes a lot less expensive.
I'm sorry I haven't taken an intro to logic course but I've taken a 300 something level course in the sugbject and done rather well...that aside, logic doesn't matter in reality. Reality is not a closed system nor is reality dictated by semantic rules. You see--and let me use small words that your intro level education can understand--reality is more complex than that. there are social and emotional factors that are significant forces both beyond and within the "Market". If your point is that any time spent out side of the Market decreases the over all fiscal wealth of an individual you are absolutely right. but if your arguement is that the value of time and energy and hope and sweat can be measured in dollars and that Money is the only determinant of well being, then you are a damn fool. and there is no mathematical model, no game theory to prove that. we are talking about outside market influences...they exist and they matter, perhaps not to you, but to me, to zojak, to Rask, to Judith, to Jen, etc. Contributing to the "Geriatric Welfare Ponzi Scheme" (also known as SSI) does not make one a more significant contributor to our over all health and welfare, in fact i (and many economists) would question the wisdom of investing in such a fiscally unsound system.
You are actually getting closer to the sort of arrangement that I think women who stay home should insist on. With legal documentation saying that all money paid for in daycare costs is hers and hers alone in the event of a divorce. So the money goes into a special account that can't be touched until she goes back to work, and then can be slowly used up over the same period that she was off from work.
But that still wouldn't make it a job. It'd just be a decent contractual protection for her not working.
As it is, though, there's no way it's a job. She has no recourse if you don't pay her, and you can't fire her. It's a fiction. The only thing it is good for is social security and unemployment, but I suspect that the government would be after you for fraud in a heartbeat if they found out about it unless you were paying her well in line with her education and training and the market and she was following all legal requirements for nannies.
"Actually, since she makes less than you it actually makes more sense for you to stay home, since she's the one who doesn't have the
adequate income stream. Your career and lifetime income can more easily stand the hit. "
And this is one of the silliest things I have ever read.
Actually, vw made no point. He mutilated a sentence, then cast an (incorrect) assumption on top of that in an effort to say that the topic is worth talking about.
I'm sorry Cal, but not everything is about money. Your argument assumes the worst in everyone. If you want everyone to live in absolute fear that a divorce is inevitable, and on top of that assume that in the case of divorce the husband will abandon his familial responsibilities, then fine do it your way. Not everyone chooses to live with that fear. Yes, I know that in total 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce. But I also know that the breakdown of those stats shows dramatic variances. Those on their second, third, fourth, etc. marriages are much more likely to gett divorced (again) than those on their first marriages. Couple that share common interests, religion, and actually do things together are much less likely to hget divorced.
I also know that I love my children dearly, and that if in the very unlikely event that my wife and I divorce, I will provide for them. Fortunately your doomsday assumptions do not apply to everyone.
I am saying that I can set it up as such. We can create a legally binding contract, where she can sue me if I don't pay. Yes, I can fire her, at which time, she can collect unemployment insurance and she would have to look for other employment while we both looked for day care options.
"The only thing it is good for is social security and unemployment, but I suspect that the government would be after you for fraud in a heartbeat if they found out about it unless you were paying her well in line with her education and training and the market and she was following all legal requirements for nannies."
There are ways. My wife already has a corporation set up. I could do the same. The corporation could provide free day care as a benefit to employees (me), and I (as the CEO) could hire my wife to do the work. My brother-in-law did a variant of this.
Or how about this? My wife gets a job at a day care facility. She watches other people's kids. But she gets paid $6 an hour. It costs much more than that to keep our kids in the very same day care (the bastards don't offer free day care as a benny).
According to you, this is work, but doing the same thing at home is a luxury, even if it saves a lot of money.
Silliness.
I think this proves my point. We're just looking at it from opposite perspectives. You go into it convinced that a divorce is inevitable. I go into it convinced that it will work.
Given my choice, I would rather take a nasty financial hit. I can live on less money, but my kids are irreplacable.
I know that women usually get financially screwed by a divorce, but I wonder if many of them would have been willing to trade off that screwing in exchange for losing primary custody of their kids.
Oh for chrissake. That alone should be a good enough reason for me to never pay any attention to another one of your posts for the rest of our natural lives.
but if your arguement is that the value of time and energy and hope and sweat can be measured in dollars and that Money is the only determinant of well being, then you are a damn fool.
Well, that 300 level class didn’t do much for your reading comprehension I never once said that money is the end all and be all index for happiness, moral worth or any other evaluator you would like to come up with. Once again, I said, that deliberately living on the brink of poverty is IMO a form of abuse.
Note carefully, the word deliberate. It implies that a willful and informed decision has been made to live in financial instability.
Now there certainly is more than enough solid and reliable evidence out in the world of child research to support the following unspoken implication of my statement; the lower the family income the more likely a child will be of having negative life outcomes in respect to a child raised in a family with stable income. There are three primary indicators of families with children “at risk” … poverty and financial instability is one of them.
(cont.)
Once again, I believe it to be a form of neglect in that by deliberately living on the edge of poverty ignores the very real risk of harmful financial want that can and does have a lasting effect on children.
No matter how many times you insist that I am saying it is all about money, or about lots of money, or about money at all costs, you can’t point to where I do so.
OTOH, you are saying raising children has nothing to do with financial security and everything to do with other things. My position is simply put that to ignore the importance of maintaining a minimum financial security (which deliberately living at the edge of poverty is not) is a form of neglect, which is a form of abuse.
I think so, too, but then we all have a tendency to draw from our own experience.
I believe despite my alleged sentence mutilation, I did make the very point Cal mentioned. You are objection to my doing so off of your words.
Therefore I apologize for the sentence hijacking, but I stand by my point.
And BTW, I’m a she.
No, why do you ask? I never said as such.
I really think you need to learn to read better.
Then please explain what you mean by this.
I never specified that this conclusion was accurate for the subcategory of working mothers, as you seemed to imply. This is the second time today that you have grossly misread my posts.
are you not aware of long term cost benefit analysis? having a PhD greatly increases my husband's chances of living outside poverty, where as not having any college degree greatly increases his chance of being thrust into poverty. Hence, we will be able to provide exponentially better opportunities for our child in the future than we can now. Our deliberate flirtation with poverty is not thoughtless nor is it irresponsible, it is making certain sacrifices on ourselves (not eating out, not buying new clothes, not going on vacation, eliminating luxuries of all sorts), not our daughter (she gets healthier food than most kids, has wonderful handmade clothes, etc) Her life is much more rich than many adults'. We also have resources should a major financial disaster take place, I assure you, our decision to leave a barely middle class standard of living was not based on whimsy.
and I'm sure that my husband and I will be paying more to the Big Ponzi Scheme as a Professor and Art Educator then we would be as Database Coordinator and Secretary.
Sorry shouldn't have assumed on your sex. I equate your moniker to cars. For some weird reason I always relate cars to he as opposed to she. Don't know why. Maybe that's a burning social issue worth discussing too. On the other point, it wasn't sentence hijacking, it was mutilation. You sent it back in pieces. And all you said was that the topic was worth talking about. If you now adopt Cal's view as well, that's fine. But if you're going to vehemently attack word usage and logic skills as in betty's case, you should be more careful with your own. :)
This is completely untrue. Tell me, which of us has been using their own personal experience in this debate, Rask?
Gimme a break. Your entire argument has been based on your own experience and nothing more. Please.
No, your wife would get a job as a nanny. Or you pay her a whole lot less, one of the two. Like to like. Thus she'd be making the same amount of money in a real job, and yes, that'd be a better idea than staying home.
I completely agree with your corporate setup, and nothing I've said has denied it. I still suspect the government would look askance on it, but I think it would be a terrific test case. I suspect the corporation would be a tough sell--you apparently aren't aware of the IRS dislike of single person corporations in situations like that.
But it would still not be a job. You wouldn't be paying her anything that she wouldn't get in a divorce settlement or have access to anyway. And I doubt you'd "fire" her, given that you would then have to pay a portion of her unemployment benefits. But even if you did, there would be no loss, and you couldn't deprive her of her income, which she'd have anyway, since it's yours.
As for it being "silly" that your wife should continue to work, given that she can't support her kids, I dunno. I thought that was a primary function of being a parent.
I know what you said. And you most certainly have been universalizing, since your entire justification for using a wife as daycare is because it's the cheapest solution, and lo! that's just what you did in your own case.
I, on the other hand, have made no assertions that aren't obvious on their face and none have that much relevance to my own experience.
Of the two of us, you're the more likely culprit. In any event, your constant reference to your own experiences puts you in a poor position to point.
function of being a parent."
And once again can't even summarize your own arguments properly. This is my cue to cease this discussion with you before I get lost in another conversational vortex - constantly correcting your redefinitions of what one of us has said. Unless anyone else wishes to take up your strong position that being a stay at home mom is necessarily a luxury?
Then you are hardly living on the brink of poverty; therefore you “moral outrage” over being called abusive is ridiculous. Your entire position has been misleading at best. Why you decided to take such personal offense and continued, until this last post, to attribute to yourself the trait of deliberately living on the edge of poverty when you are obviously not is beyond me.
It is a luxury. So is a Porsche. And if someone goes into hock for $100K on a $25K income, they can buy a Porsche. It doesn't mean they can afford it.
Okay Zo, I concede the point … but if I had made the point it would have been a good one (g).
How many “new” details are you going to add to this discuss to prove your point? Is there anything else, or should I just expect a continual train of modifications?
Nonetheless, I don’t care (for the purposes of this discussion) whether or not you and your husband live in a refrigerator box next to the railway. You are adults making your own decisions. The fact that you’ve abdicated the financial care of your child to others better prepared to be responsible for her is at least good sense.
though one you can't account for in a purely capitalist model.
Keep trying; maybe if you saying over and over again that my only concern is with money some of less astute readers might eventually believe it is true.
I happy to see someone else has typing skills equivalent to mine.
I completely agree, and yes, you'd take it on the chops. That was so obvious I didn't think it needed pointing out, but apparently you haven't had this discussion that often and aren't aware of the basics.
But speaking generally, most paying spouses feel they are paying too much, and most custodial spouses want more. A substantial amount of tax dollars go to family courts who spend a lot of time listening to ex-wives saying they want more money.
And if a custodial parent can't afford to provide for her child because she is reliant on payments from someone else, then she's failed her basic responsibility as a parent. If she can only provide the basics for a child but wants to provide a life on the income her ex-husband has, she has to hope that either the courts or the ex-husband agrees with her. It's completely out of her control. This is an extremely common situation with custodial parents who are reliant on child support.
Thus at the lower end of the income scale, you've got women going on welfare when their boyfriend/husband leaves, and in the middle of the spectrum you have the accurately stereotypical furious ex-wife, who made choices based on the assumption that hubby really meant it when he talked about "our" income, who can't give her kids what she wants, doesn't have the life that she wants, quite often uses the kids as a weapon against the man who had the audacity to divorce her after all that "us" talk, and spends a ton of time in family court demanding more money.
As for the loss of your kids in the event of a divorce, I've always said that custody should be mandated as joint physical, with no income transfer. No argument from me that it's unfair.
Message # 2629
It is still possible for parents to have a kid and work and not use daycare. Therefore it is not a luxury. It is an expense. It is reasonable to expect parents to manage their expenses. For example, suppose that both parents worked and they paid for daycare on credit cards. No one would question that they made a bad financial decision, and they'd be held responsible for it. They wouldn't be given government checks every month, and a court system wouldn't be put in place to make sure that some other entity gave them money because of their decision to go into debt.
It isn't a "family" decision when it ends up in divorce court, or on welfare. If families want to keep it private, by all means, let's do that. No welfare. No income transfer after a divorce. No community property--you get out of the marriage what you put into it. If a husband loses his job and the wife wasn't working, they get no special resources--after all, they made a private decision.
But if instead you think that society should care about the outcome of their decisions--and I'm pretty sure you do--then it's perfectly appropriate to point out when parents are making bad decisions. The most common bad decision that parents make is for the wife to give up her income for several years when they can't afford it.
They have other options: havefewer kids. Take a temporary cut in living standard to pay for immediate daycare costs that don't compromise income streams. Work skewed hours so that they don't have to pay daycare at all. There are plenty of other options, and the fact that the parents don't find them palatable are only relevant if we can also ignore the results when the odds don't go their way.
Rask, I guess you'll have to wait until tomorrow to hear further pearls of profound wisdom from me. (g) I've got to go into a staff meeting.
Have a good one all ...
foolish me, i thought this was a dialogue (or polylogue as the case may be)...are these unpredictable twists and turns too much for your linear logic?
it's the unpredictability, the give and take of life that is exactly my point, and exactly the problem that some people seem to have in relating to others and with life as a process. they allow for no fluid, all solids. I argue like my point. you (i mean this you in the larger sense, not you personally) can't account for all things at all times...you can be afraid of this and curl up into your own ass becoming a slave or you can live as you wish and play it as it comes. Now slaves (and indeed soem freed slaves who have chosen that bondage) may feel more comfortable and more responsible, doing the work they are supposed to do like good worker bees with seemingly predictable outcomes...but if there is something greater to the human experience, if they are capable of greatness themselves, then all that time spent safely in their own pile of shit means time spent dead.
But maybe not to them...if they feel that is all they want to make themselves happy or great or whatever, it is time well spent. Different strokes and all...
if they feel that is all they want to make themselves happy or great or whatever, it is time well spent.
absolutely! i would consider those people freed slaves who have chosen that bondage, and choosing that bondage makes all the difference. I am happy that CalGal finds what she does to be deep and rich and enough for her. it would not be for me. i don't know that much about vw, i'm sure her situation is the same as CalGal's in regards to being happy with the situation she has created for herself, if not i am geniunely sorry to hear that.
Indeed different strokes, I'd have it no other way.
at my very best I am nothing.
i am always happy to learn that others are happy.
happiness is a good thing.
I wonder if it's an objectively good thing, does everyone think that happiness (even just their own) is "good"? just a wonder.
In light of all the above, what matters is that one do one's best for everyone involved...and for some that means staying at home raising one's children and for others that may mean other child care arrangements while they work...that one recognizes that life-changing events will occur that are beyond their control, and that they need to be responsive to those events in such a way that they achieve the best outcome possible for everyone despite those life changes.
No, there is just financial security, by definition. I haven't given any commentary on what route people should take to achieve financial security, only that they should.
The standard is fairly simple, "Can each parent provide adequately for their children in the event that the other parent is removed from the financial picture?"
How any given individual answers "yes" to this questions is unimportant to me. Unfortunately, the reality remains that many people are unable to say yes with any sort of confidence.
All one has to do to understand this reality is to 1) look at the massive income transfers that occur in divorce and 2) read any number of respected studies that indicate the harmful effect of financial instability and want on children.
In a world where most people take steps to ensure that they can replace their SUV if something bad happens, I hardly feel like an ogre for suggesting that they should exert as least as much effort to ensure that they can replace their children’s financial security. It seems to me that guaranteeing that your children do not suffer the barriers and pains of poverty should be parents first and foremost responsibility.
I don’t think stating that people need to be aware of risk and take steps to mitigate their children’s exposure to that risk is a futile exercise.
Children suffer from poverty; this is irrefutable. The lower the income, the greater likelihood of negative outcomes in a large range of measures. Financial instability is the third most prevalent indicator, after alcohol and drug abuse, in a whole host of childhood difficulties, including criminal behavior, child abuse, low self-esteem, low earning capabilities in the future, etc. Study after study after study has shown poverty to be either a causal or contributory factor in many of these childhood issues.
That’s why I am constantly surprised at the cavalier manner many parents take when they very deliberately put themselves in a position that makes it near to impossible to protect their children from these kinds of risks.
from what I see here from both sides of the issue, it's a question of whether you're willing to gamble on the package of marriage holding up.
The list of factors to be considered include:
1) preference for being with child vs. working
2) perceived benefit for the child of being cared for by SAHP
3) perceived quality of available daycare
4) cost of available daycare
5) estimated loss of income for SAHP (present and discounted future)6) perceived risk of marriage breaking down.
That's a lot to weigh. Evidently one big problem with making that calculus is with the perceived risk of divorce. When as a couple you decide on lifestyle choice in event of having babies, you're unlikely to give that risk much weight -- after all, you have just made the greatest commitment possible to one another, not only that of marriage but actually having kids together.
Moreover, it's not a "risk" in any going actuarian sense of the word, since it fully depends on your own personal choices and acts (in combination with your partner's, but never independent from them).
Furthermore, when you're supposed to have committed 100% to be a marital and parental team player for life, trust is essential. So, who is going to bring up the prospect that this marriage may not hold up, and that that should be taken into consideration when deciding on lifestyle choice; and what might that do to the trust in the relationship?
Personally, I think we'd do well to acknowledge a basic fact: It's immensely boring to raise children and do housework year in and year out, and having a job, almost any job, is generally much more stimulating. So, it's natural that you'd put a fairly low weight on being with your child relative to having a paying job.
But that, to many people, is also a quite controversial proposition.
Personally, I think we'd do well to acknowledge a basic fact: It's immensely boring to raise children and do housework year in and year out, and having a job, almost any job, is generally much more stimulating.
I don't think you can call the above a "basic fact." I'm sure that you're corect for some percentage of the population. I'm also sure you're wrong for a certain percentage of the population. (Except for the housework part). My personal take is that I don't find interacting with my kids either boring or unstumulating. My wife says it's much more rewarding than her formrer job ever was. If your m.o. is to sit in front of the t.v. and yell at the kids to shut up because you can't hear the chants of "Jerry... Jerry..." emanating from the tube, then you probably find your kids boring. If your m.o. is actually to teach them, play with them, get together with other parents who are staying at home with their kids, well, then maybe it's not boring....
Absolutely.
... but I think stating it openly is a huge taboo.
Bah. Bunk.
get together with other parents who are staying at home with their kids, well, then maybe it's not boring....
That, of course, is a way of securing grown-up stimulation. I doubt it substitutes for working, though.
Really? Honestly? Of course, I am on an entirely different continent from you, so there is bound to be some differences. But I'd expect the bias in the USA to be greater towards the taboo side than here. My own prejudice, perhaps.
I have a friend who emigrated to the states and -- true to immigrant spirit form -- has made himself a high-flying career in the computer business. His wife, an American, is every bit the intelligent, well-educated go-getting adventurer that he is, but when they had kids, she quit working and has been stay-at-home mum. She is bored, I know for a fact. I also think it's a pity and a waste.
Fundamentally, it was that recognizing that life changes may take place does not necessarily mean one must live every day as if they already had. A married couple need not be considered foolish or abusive if they don't have a fully equipped nursery, high chair, car seat, etc. just in case they might have a child. One need not live in a fully wheel-chair accessible home just in case mom breaks her hip and needs to move in. Rather there is nothing wrong with accommodating those life changes when and as they happen. That is what is required of being a responsible.
I don't have 2 full-time jobs just in case I might lose one. I am however aware of my layoff benefits, the income my savings could generate, and some options I could explore should this job end. I don't think that is an irrational or irresponsible approach, though it may not necessarily be the option others have chosen.
It's all a matter of balance in my view. If you have someone with no outside interests who spends all of his or her time as a workaholic, working 7 days a week, then that person will likely burn out and be unhappy -and not have sufficient stimulation. Same is true of a stay at home parent with no other balance or interests. It's not necessarily all of one or all of the other. As to whether getting together with others is a sufficient stimulant to someone as opposed to an outside job ... well it depends on any number of factors including the person, the job, etc. I don't think that you can make a sweeping generalization regarding the issue.
Really? Honestly?
Yes. I think so anyway. (shrug)
So those choosing one option shouldn't sit in sanctimonious judgment over others who have chosen differently, be they on the at-home or the working side of the fence.
She stayed home with the kids because her son had a serious heart defect and was in life-threatening danger with every passing cold and flu until he had grown enough that he could have open-heart surgery. Day care is a breeding ground for colds and flu. She also used the time to pursue a teaching certificate and a masters degree in education and thereafter makes very good money as a physics teacher.
Course she put her kids at risk by taking a hiatus from her job and moving with her husband and kids to Wales for two years when he was tranferred there. Per some here, she should have stayed in the states and split up the family so she wouldn't lose any earnings power, but then she obviously doesn't care about her kids' security and is sponging offa her man.
Such surveys also consistently show that around 80% of the people wouldn't want to quit their job even if they didn't need it financially.
Not trying to beat a dead horse here but apply these qualities to Parents, Kids, and Staying Home and it works, too. ;-)
I know you are talking about adults and jobs but that part of your post struck me as being applicable to the other situation, too...on the lighter side, just teasing you a bit!!
I had a good friend who started his own business and was very successful. At some point he fell in love with a woman who moved in with him, and they had a child. (Don't be so shocked, having a child out of wedlock is very much the norm here - you only marry after the second child...). Eventually, they agreed on getting married.
However, he wanted his business registered as his personal property, not to be included by marriage as part of their common property which would be the default result of a marriage. (I don't know the legal terms for this in English, I hope you follow).
This dramatically upset his wife-to-be. She was incredibly hurt that he didn't trust her enough, or love her enough that he'd make such a move.
He, on his part, was also hurt that she would let such a monetary thing be such an obstacle to their marrying - after all, she wasn't marrying him for the money, was she?
They didn't marry and subsequently broke up their relationship.
What do you think? Was it wise of them to consider the possibility of divorce and taking (on his part) precautions in that respect before marrying? Or was even contemplating the question openly poison to the trust that needs to be there as a basis for a committed relationship?
For me, that'd be information I'd rather have before I got married rather than after.
I completely agree with vw's posts; they are the heart of the matter. Thoughtful's pieties don't even touch the surface.
I wouldn't want him to not ask for a pre-nup, but i also wouldn't want her to marry him if it made her uncomfortable.
The refusal to accept the prenup also provides a great deal of information about the person refusing. None of it good.
I don't think it's a "good" or "bad" issue, just a difference in expectations of marriage and commitment in this particular case.
In another, it may be that the pre-nup was a bad deal for her...if there is going to be deviation from the standard marriage contract it had better make concessions for both sides. Would you advice her to sign a pre-nup that wasn't in her best financial interest? From a purely economic perspective it would seem foolish to sign a pre-nup that would deny you what a standard contract would ensure you.
After all, what is she saying? "You mean you don't want to let me have all your money?"
though it would appear that way to the pre-nup presenter i would guess that is not her issue in rejecting it. It probably made her feel insecure and as those he was not committing to her.
If you are going to build a committed life together, under contract, there should be penalties for breach of contract. Hence, if he wanted to marry her enough he would have understood that the risk of not keeping his commitment to her was a reduction in wealth.
Also, when and how they ask is important. Couple I know...2nd marriage for both...he stuck the paper in front of her nose 5 minutes before they were to get married. He lived up to what that gesture told me about him throughout their marriage and after her death.
I agree, actually, that any woman who considers marriage primarily as a means of living off of someone else' income is foolish to sign a prenup. Given that the guy is smart enough to realize he doesn't want to marry someone like that, it behooves the woman to realize that she needs to find someone a little less cynical--or a little more stupid.
That, as well as "and I think it's reasonably likely to become relevant."
That part appears to be the problem.
knock me over with a feather, we sort of agree.
(I bet you're looking for a feather aren't you...just dieing to knock me over I bet)
What I own before the marriage is mine and mine alone. What he owns before the marriage is his and his alone. What we acquire during the marriage is ours jointly with a 50-50 split should we divorce and equally split in inheritance to his kids and mine. However, I would be very specific and detailed and also cover what happens when property is sold.
For instance, say I own the bigger house when we get married and we decide to sell his house and live in mine. What is done with the equity he gets? Well, if he invests it in my house, then my house is now our joint property. If he invests the equity from his house in an account for his childrens' sole benefit, I wouldn't object, but it would be spelled out that in that case, my house remains my sole property even though we are now both living in it. (Best idea, imo, would be for us to each sell our houses and buy a new one that we each invest eually in)
Stuff like that.
I think both partners need to have a pre-nup or at least think about one and discuss what they would want in one. If nothing else, it gets out into the open their attitudes and expectations when it comes to handling the finanaces.
Slack,
I understand that many people feel that way, that any question that implies the possibility of divorce is taken as lack of confidence in the outcome. I don't think that is an accurate understanding of it, though.
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
The party of the first part, being a very practical person and simply wanting things settled in advance just in case - after all look at the stats says: "I'd like a pre-nup."
The party of the second part, who is in it for love and love only and just KNOWS that marriage isdestined to work because it's a commitment built on trust hears: "I'm not sure that this is really going to work out and I'm a bit concerned that you really love my money rather than me."
The party of the second part responds: "I don't believe in pre-nups."
The party of the first part hears: "No way sucker, when I dump you, I want the cash."
BOTTOM LINE:
People come to life with different perspectives.
"I'm not sure that this is really going to work out and I'm a bit concerned that you really love my money rather than me."
The part after "and" isn't necessary for a prenup to convey doubt. It is enough that the prenup receiver would be entitled to some share of the money in case of divorce, and that the offerer would rather that not happen.
Me too.
However, unlike what slackjaw is saying, IF I wanted to get married again, the inheritance issue is why I would want a pre-nup and what it would be designed to address.
A pre-nup doesn't have to be only or even mainly about what will happen if the couple splits up. It can deal with the inheritance issues of a blended marriage and it can deal with how finances and property will be set up and handled within the marriage. It can lay out standards and expectations, too.
Still, pre-nup aside, I doubt I'll ever get married again for other reasons. I find I like it that I only have to deal with the consequences of my bad decisions. I like it that I am the only one making major decisions and setting the rules in my house. I like it that the only other person's needs I have to take into account are LD's and she will be growing up and leaving the house.
Maybe that means I am shallow and selfish. I dunno. I just know that after 15 years of marriage, 12 of which were unhappy, the 7 years since have been insufficient to dull the pain enough that I am willing to try it again.
When I married my husband, I had just purchased a condo. With virtually no equity stake in the property, it didn't make sense to have a pre-nup. I think the most we had was a couple of beat-up cars and some furniture.
If I decide I need a prenup, make all the decisions about how the assets are handled and under what circumstances, and present it to my intended, that delivers one message.
If I approach the topic of family finances with my intended and suggest we both examine the issue of understanding our current assets and their disposition, wills, insurance policies, one check book or two, etc. and we make those decisions together based on all our assets (I may not have a million in the bank, but I may have my grandmother's lladro collection which I want to make sure my children get), then that sends an entirely different message.
Oh, I know that. But "I'm not sure this is really going to work out" is the same as saying "I'm not sure I'm going to survive". They are both options outside of one's own control.
They're both ultimatums. Change "grandma's collection goes to the kids" to "my house (pre-marriage), my insurance payout, and my trust fund goes to the kids".
The fact remains that women consider marriage, among other things, as an investment. Men consider marriage, among other things, as a purchase.
So who says a pre-nup in necessarily drawn up by one party in a vacuum and then "presented" to the other person. Were I to consider a second marriage, I would "approach the topic of family finances with my intended and suggest we both examine the issue of understanding our current assets and their disposition, wills, insurance policies, one check book or two, etc. and we make those decisions together based on all our assets", the end result of that process being a pre-nup that records our mutual decisions in a pre-nup.
I just don't get the pre-nup = adversarial attitude I'm hearing.
(must preview before posting....)
Many people do this...it's done all the time.
I think thoughtful is on to something with the presentation. If some one came at me waving some legal documents all ready to sign I would run fast and far. But, if someone approached me with the "lets spell out some specifics about our marriage contract" attitude I would stick around and listen. If nothing else, the waving pre-nup scenario indicates a method of communication which i would find difficult and uncomfortable.
I don't think a pre-nup is necessarily advesarial, and they sure make a lot of sense for those coming into a marriage with assets and/or children.
well, yeah, any marriage that lacks clear and respectful communication is going to be miserable. and if somebody says, "I want to protect my assets from you." that's not being respectful (even if it's honest).
CalGal is also right that too many men view marriage as a purchase while women view it as an investment.
as an aside interesting to me that CalGal is pretty Rah!Rah! pre-nups and pretty Poo!Poo! Antioch Rules...i guess since there's (generally) not a lot of monetary exchange involved with sex, clear communication doesn't matter in that arena.
What's mine is his, what's his is mine, and we're both incredibly cheap. Makes for a beautiful relationship.
The real reason we stay together though is the cat...neither of us want to get stuck with him if we divorce.
;-)
I'm not in favor of "clear communication" in the area of prenups, but against income transfer. That said, you are correct that sex is voluntary and has no impact beyond the act--except if a pregnancy results, and I'd change that too.
yes, in it's grossest terms marriage is absolutely a business transaction, but hopefully, for all parties involved, it transcends it's legal and material responsibilities.
Exactly. As has been said before now (by me as well as others), it doesn't matter how you see marriage. What matters is how the government sees it, and the government sees it as a financial and legal contract.
You want to prove you love someone no matter how much money they have? Don't marry, just live together--in a state that doesn't allow common-law marriage.
though i disagree with much of everything you have to say (or more precisely, how and why you say it), you are starting to grow on me.
Quick somebody get a crowbar.
I suppose that there could be some issues with inheritance in the case of blended families with keepsakes and such, but I wonder about the rationale that says that children come before the surviving spouse -- second spouse or otherwise.
toys
Why would I want my assets to go to a surviving spouse? Frankly, I'm not sure I'd ever want it, but in a long-term marriage at least it makes more sense. But in a second marriage, one expects retirement and the like to be taken care of. Why would I want a spouse to get anything beyond what I wanted him to get?
Oh, I don't know...maybe because you loved that spouse and made a life together?
Uh, yeah? And the spouse will still have assets, yes? It's not like I'm talking about leaving the spouse in the poorhouse.
But given a choice between giving my money to the next generation and giving it to my own, I'll take the former, all things being equal.
"It"? You have an odd way of referring to men.
And I'm not sure what is emasculating about expecting any man to be able to provide for himself. Seems quite the opposite, to me.
Yes, and keep in mind that there's no guarantee that the spouse will pass the assets onto the kids. Spouse can marry again, spouse can die and leave assets to second wife, second wife can give assets to whoever she wants.
Thus the only assets that would go to my spouse/partner (in the event that I had one) would be those that I don't ever expect to go to Spawn.
I thought this was odd, until the guy I was dating at the time pointed out that it might be wiser to leave assets to someone who came out of your body, rather than someone you married.
Read again:
it sounds as if it...relates... you wanna emasculate it.
Hmmm.
But you know what, your immediate visceral reaction proves my point anyway. :)
Actually, that reading makes even less sense. But whatever.
I think of this in almost opposite terms. I have a few things that I would want to leave to Ms. Vole and to my neices or nephews, mostly for sentimental reasons. But as far as everything else we have I think of them as joint assets and can't think of anyone who would have a greater claim to them than Mike.
I don't say this often--but you don't have children, and it's quite possible that would change your thoughts on the matter.
Mike may share your opinion, but he may not. Certainly I expect his daughter will appear more promininently in his will than in yours, assuming no estrangement.
I think of this in almost opposite terms. I have a few things that I would want to leave to Ms. Vole and to my neices or nephews, mostly for sentimental reasons. But as far as everything else we have I think of them as joint assets and can't think of anyone who would have a greater claim to them than Mike.
In general, I think assets that pre-date the marriage should be passed on to the children.
True, I don't have children and it could change my thinking. But I am my parents' child and definately want all of my father's and mother's assets to go to the surviving spouse rather than to me. Especially since they are retired, I think that my parents would need each others assets far more than I would.
Mike and I don't have a will, and I suppose that we should have one drawn up. However, if we were both killed in an accident I have no qualms whatsoever with Ms. Vole getting everything.
But "I'm not sure this is really going to work out" is the same as saying "I'm not sure I'm going to survive". They are both options outside of one's own control.
Well part of the risk is, and part of it isn't. We do all sorts of things that affect our risk of death (which is why life insurance rates are non-constant in individual choices), and to make a marriage work long term takes effort. A prenup affects the costs of not doing those things for the partner protected by it, and the benefit of not doing them for the partner not protected. That conveys bad news about the success prospects.
That they are relevant contingencies is indeed beyond the individual's control. And we can assume that every individual has some intrinsic risk of death even if he's careful, and that every marriage has some intrinsic risk of failure even if the partners try real real hard.
We can also assume that two marriage partners have (generally) different beliefs that the marriage will fail, even if they try. There are a lot of reasons for this, and those reasons may be the private information of one partner and not the other. One might be intrinsically more willing than the other to take a more attractive mate should one happen along.
Those different estimates of the failure odds, and the fact that they are private, gives the prenup some scope to reveal bad news about the proposer.
Yes, the age of the child/children makes a difference.
There also differences from family to family and individual to individual. Which is why I think it is a damn good idea to talk it all out and write it all down before you get married.
Thoughtful, I think that pre-nups may have started as a way for rich people to protect their assests against gold-diggers, but my impression is that nowadays "regular folks" are having pre-nups for a lot of the reasons discussed here - especially blended families and second and third marriages.
If Mel Gibson agreed to marry me, I'd agree to whatever he wanted in the prenup. Danny DeVito? Eh. Not so much.
;-)
As I recall, Frank Sinatra's will included a phrase which I think was great...anyone who contests the will automatically receives 0 from the estate.
It varies by state.
I believe so. I think that the default if you die without a will is that all assets go to the surviving spouse.
And if the surviving spouse also dies without a will? And who can inherit by law? Very distant relatives too?
EB Overview on Estate and Inheritance Law
In the United States the surviving spouse is protected against disinheritance in every state, no matter what the provisions of the will. But surviving spouses (husbands or wives) are not protected in all places against the other spouse's giving away property before death. In states that have community property laws, a definite share in family wealth is assured the surviving spouse, who is entitled to one half of the community property. This is generally considered to be property acquired during the marriage. Descendants are not protected against disinheritance in the United States, except in Louisiana.
This statement assumes that a pre-nup only protects one partner. While this can be the case, it is not necessarily the case.
Another point - in these days of no-fault divorce, you really don't have any control over whether you are divorced. Even if you want to work really really hard at saving the marriage, the other person can divorce you anyway. I didn't need my husband's agreement to divorce him. I didn't have to prove anything. All I had to do was to file and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop the divorce. He could argue about how we split the property or about custody or child support, but he couldn't keep me married to him.
I don't think this is a bad thing, either. I don't think a marriage should continue unless both partners want it to. However, the point is, like death, divorce can happen whether you want it to or not.
Statute of Descent and Distribution
* If a decedent is survived by a spouse and no surviving children or lineal descendants of deceased children, the entire estate goes to the spouse.
* If a decedent is survived by a spouse and one surviving child or lineal descendants of one deceased child, the spouse receives the first $60,000 from the estate (reduced to $20,000 if the spouse is not the parent of the child). The remainder of the estate is then divided 50/50 between the spouse and the surviving child or the child's lineal descendants.
* If a decedent is survived by a spouse and two or more children or lineal descendants of deceased children, the spouse again receives the first $60,000 ($20,000 if the spouse is not parent of at least one of the children). One third of the remainder goes to the spouse, and two thirds is divided in equal shares among the children. Lineal descendants of a deceased child divide that child's share.
* If there is no surviving spouse, but surviving children or their lineal descendants, each of the children receives an equal share of the estate. Lineal descendants of a deceased child divide that child's share
.
* If the decedent has no surviving spouse or children and no lineal descendants of deceased children, the estate goes to his or her surviving parents(s) or, if both parents have died, in equal shares to brothers and sisters or their lineal descendants.
No, it doesn't. It is self evident that it applies to any partner protected by one, because that partner stands to lose less if the marriage ends.
Christi, is it your contention that the probability a marriage ends in divorce in unaffected by the behavior of one or both partners?
Getting a divorce cannot be stopped in the no fault case, conditional on one or both parties wanting a divorce, that is true. And what affects whether that condition obtains? The behavior of the partners, for one thing.
You can't affect whether someone wanting a divorce can get one, but you can affect whether they want one or not.
I certainly think so.
You can't affect whether someone wanting a divorce can get one, but you can affect whether they want one or not.
Not a whole lot, actually.
Yes, a whole lot, actually.
What do you mean, "actually"? Is this a revealed truth?
So isn't this presuming that the protection is for only one partner? or at least that the protection is unequal?
I'll admit that many times that is indeed the case. However, I contend that it is not necessarily the case. In the socio-economic sphere I inhabit (solidly middleclass) people I know who are making second or third marriages that involve blended families and/or blended sets of property are writing pre-nups intended to protect both partners and their children.
imo, very sensible of them.
Suppose it had said, "...for a partner proected." Clear? Same principle: when things become less costly, we see them more often. When they become less beneficial, we see them less often.
Yes, of course. When you roll a die, it is not necessarily the case that the outcome is less than 5. The only relevant point for an individual's decision to bet on "less than 5" is the probability.
Sure. What behaviors do you think increase your chance for divorce?
You can't affect whether someone wanting a divorce can get one, but you can affect whether they want one or not.
Absolutely.
Sometimes, however, one partner desires what the other is incapable of supplying for one reason or another. You cannot know, as you marry in a rosy glow of love, lust, and commitment, how you or your partner may change in response to multiple kicks in the teeth by Life.
We could make so, so much progress with a simple distinction between a set of contingencies or events and a probability attached to each.
To make a decision it is not enough to know the contingencies only.
To me, the best you can do is recognize that the possibility of a marriage breaking up exists and the possibility of a marital partner dying exists and deal with those possibilities up front. Once dealt with that, you then go on with your life and do you best to make sure you don't divorce or die. Sometimes your best is good enough and sometimes it isn't.
If you had asked me in 1980, when I was getting married, if the possibility existed that I would get a divorce, I would have told you NO way, absolutely not, marriage is forever, and when you run into problems you work hard at the relationship and fix them. Which is why I stuck to my marriage for 10 years after any joy I had in the relationship had been sucked away, working at fixing the marriage. Sometimes, with the best will in the world, you really can't fix it.
It doesn't matter if they are equally protected or not. If partner A is protected, for any given protection for partner B, that reduces partner A's cost of dissolution, and therefore the cost of things that contribute to it.
Huh?
Translation, please.
It's been an interesting conversation.
TTFN
But Louisiana laws are not generally typical of US states.
A FEW RECOMMENDATIONS FOR WOMEN EVERYWHERE
1.) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
2.) ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
3.) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
4.) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
5.) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
6.) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
7.) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, your best friend's bra size, or the infield fly rule.
8.) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9.) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
10.) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
11.) You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
12.) Crying is blackmail.
13.) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
14.) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on the calendar.
15.) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
16.) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
17.) Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
19.) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
20.) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
21.) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.
22.) Check your oil.
23.) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
24.) No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
25.) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
26.) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
27.) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
28.) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.
29.) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
30.) If it itches, it will be scratched.
31.) Beer is as interesting to us as handbags are to you.
32.) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
In my professional opinion, this is bull. Yes, there are some martial situations where there is a specific issue or issues that can be solved or mitigated that allow the marriage to continue in state of relative contentment if not happiness.
Then there are those where the divorce could only have been prevented by the marriage never having occurred in the first place. There are plenty of spouses who are guilty of nothing more than making a profoundly poor decision when choosing a partner.
But the traditional "fault" behaviors, or the three As (abuse, addiction, and adultery) are by no means the major reason that divorces fail. For one thing, there are millions of marriages each year in which the partner doesn't leave, even though their spouse is engaging in one of the three. So clearly, the assumption that certain behaviors will make it more likely is unfounded. At best, it is a risk.
I would say the single biggest risk factor in divorce would be the relationship skills of the individuals. People who divorce are those who have problems forming or keeping relationships, or those who choose lousy partners (which could be considered a variant of the first).
Marriage is a contract. The only thing divorce requires is the desire to break that contract. There is really no basis for assuming that one spouse has engaged in behavior that increased the other spouse's desire to break the contract.
As far as choosing lousy partners - well, DUH. Yeah, some people are lousy at that. OTOH, some people choose decent partners for themselves and then they and/or their partner change. People do that, you know.
Try this: Person 1 was a control freak and Person 2 tolerated it for years and years and years. This, again, gives Person 1 a reasonable basis for assuming that the behavior didn't cause Person 2 to want to end the marriage. Person 2, after years of misery, has an affair, is discovered, and Person 1 files for divorce, righteously enraged at the infidelity.
I can think of at least 10 cases that I know personally where something like this happened, and I bet a lot of people can do the same.
Was the end of the marriage caused by adultery? Was the end of the marriage caused by Person 2 being tired of Person 1's control?
I would say that the marriage ended when Person 2 found something that made them happier. Now, you can say that in this case Person 1 lowered the barrier, but it was Person 2 who was unfaithful, which is the "fault" definition of the state. Person 1 could be the sort of person who demands five showers before sex, insists on counting coffee beans, and vacuums the house every evening from 12 until 2 am because it's got to be really, really clean--but that ain't fault.
Some spouses can fuck around, others can stay drunken slobs, still others can pay the bills, come home every night, be thoughtful and caring--and can you predict who'll get dumped? Not reliably.
There are many cases where husband or wife walks out for what seems to be no cause at all. They just didn't want to be married anymore. Happens all the time. You can sniff and say "Well, those people just weren't committed"....blah, blah, blah.
Can you do something that will increase the chances that the other person will want a divorce? No, you can't. It depends on what the other person wants or is willing to tolerate, and there is just no reasonable way of predicting that.
Is there a typo in there somewhere or are you really saying that?
Bringing 4 crackwhores to spend the weekend at the house would be a good example of something she probably wouldn't tolerate too well.
Try this, person one and person two dated for over two years and made sure that not only were they "in love" but that they were compatible and shared common goals and standards.
Then they had fertility problems, when they conceived they lost their first two children, they both lost their jobs, one was in a permanently disabling accident, they were robbed, and they went bankrupt.
One reacted by railing against the unfairness of Life, turning bitter and angry and taking that anger out on the other one
One reacted by turning to God and taking comfort in the fact that through all of this they haven't ended up homeless or starving.
After years of counseling, the angry bitter one has not changed and the other one no longer wishes to live with daily verbal abuse.
Whose fault was it?
Who the hell cares.
They didn't choose poorly, unless you are saying this sort of Life-kicking-you-in-the-teeth and their individual reactions to it should have been predictable and I'd disagree with you there.
However, vw said "There is really no basis for assuming that one spouse has engaged in behavior that increased the other spouse's desire to break the contract." and I'd say the behavior of the angry bitter one is directly responsible for the other one's desire to leave the relationship.
You can choose your spouse very carefully and wisely, and sometimes the person changes in ways that are intolerable. That doesn't mean you chose poorly.
You can be very good at relationships, but sometimes a person changes in ways that cannot be modified or lived with. Than doesn't mean you cannot ever maintain a relationship with anyone.
To say that the only people who get divorced are those incapable of making a good choice in partner selection or incapable of maintaining relationships is both unduly harsh and doesn't take into account the variety of not only individuals and their relationships but that of each individual as they go through life.
If that were so, then there would never be any successful second marriages.
Relationships are mostly about how you treat each other. How, then can how someone is treated NOT affect the relationship.
"Can you do something that will increase the chances that the other person will want a divorce?"
Hell, yes. Treat someone like shit when that person is not the type of person who will tolerate being treated like shit and you have definitely increased the chances that the other person will want a divorce.
Some spouses can fuck around, others can stay drunken slobs, still others can pay the bills, come home every night, be thoughtful and caring--and can you predict who'll get dumped? Not reliably.
Looking across couples you confound many factors. Some people tolerate behavior X just fine; really, we can't say there's any effect on the marriage of behavior X.
That is not a useful statement for evaluating whether zojak bringing home crack whores will affect the odds he's married in a year (to his current wife).
You can hold more constant by looking at a single couple. In that case, if one partner starts doing things typically not associated with constructive married behavior -- repeated infidelity, repeated ill-concealed infidelity, indifference or cruelty to the spouse or children, use of family money on unplanned trips to key west -- that will affect the value of the marriage to the other partner.
Would they necessarily pass the spouse's tolerance and cause a divorce? No; the location of the tolerance line is perhaps not known.
But for a pixed partner, if they pass the tolerance line with some probability and don't pass it with some other probability, guess what happens to the probability that the marriage ends?
That is why my original statement dealt with the probability someone wants a divorce, and the effect on that of a partner's behavior.
There are many cases where husband or wife walks out for what seems to be no cause at all. They just didn't want to be married anymore.
This is not relevant at all. "There are actions a person could take that would increase his spouse's desire to get divorced" is simply not addressed by saying "there are other things that increase a spouse's desire to get divorced."
You know, I personally think that is wrong, but it's not really necessary to make the case. Suppose in the population some people have tolerance threshold A, some have a greater threshold B, and some have still a greater threshold C. And you don't know which your spouse is and cannot predict it (any better than by using population frequencies).
If your actions pass A, is the probability your spouse wants a divorce less than, greater than, or the same as that probability if you pass A and B?
If there is at least a chance that some people have threshold A and some have B, obviously the probability goes up.
So, let's not have any more about inability to predict tolerance.
I think you are extending my statement to a position I don't hold. I was objecting to the absolutism implied by this statement:
You can't affect whether someone wanting a divorce can get one, but you can affect whether they want one or not.
My point was that yes, in some situations one spouse’s behavior can have either a positive or negative impact on the other spouse’s desire to divorce. But in many situations, it doesn’t matter what Spouse A did, didn’t, does or doesn’t do; Spouse B is going to want out of the marriage.
In my professional opinion you are an idiot if you think this contradicts the statement you responded to.
In some situations, behavior has a positive effect. In some others, it has zero effect.
Now average over situations and get back to me about whether the effect of behavior is positive or zero.
The disagreements I have with your last posts are not substantive, but they also don't have much to do with where I thought we began.
Back to the original issue, the pre-nup. I thought you said that a prenup provides some sort of indication of the other person's commitment to the marriage, or something like that. You said,
And what affects whether that condition (prenup) obtains? The behavior of the partners, for one thing.
Likewise, walking out into traffic is behavior that affects the condition of obtaining death, for one thing. Does that mean the purchase of an insurance policy increases the likelihood of that action? I don't think so. There are a zillion ways to die, and far too many of them are completely outside the control of the policy owner. That is entirely true of divorce, too. Even if the person carefully notes all the likes and dislikes of the partner, doesn't bring home crack whores, doesn't drink, doesn't use illegal drugsm doesn't hit, makes lots of money, buys nice things, remembers all birthdays and anniversaries, the partner could file for divorce.
So I don't see why one would suggest that the request for a pre-nup indicates an increase in what is supposed to be high divorce-risk behavior, any more than a life insurance policy indicates a desire to engage in suicidal behavior. It is entirely reasonable to consider it as an insurance policy, a coverage of unknowns. It doesn't really say anything one way or the other about the commitment level of the requester.
Seeing as the statement you were paraphrasing was an absolute (no one can stop someone from getting a divorce when they want one) I hardly find it too shocking that I also attributed that same absolutism to the remainder of the statement.
Christ, it fucking amazes me the number of people that can’t seem to disagree with an idea with out resorting to ad hominen attacks against the person. Some of you really need to expand your repertoires.
CalGal - Back on the pre-nup issue. I absolutely agree that requesting a pre-nup does NOT make it more likely the couple will divorce and I like your insurance policy analogy.
In fact, I think that, if done right, a pre-nup can reduce the likelihood of a divorce. Of course, by being done right, I mean a pre-nup that is developed by the couple mutually, for each partner's equal needs and protection, that is discussed at length and agreed upon in advance. While I realize that this model doesn't fit the popular notion of a pre-nup presented by a rich old man to a young gold-digger, it's the one I've seen in couples I know that are forming blended families.
Where we began was my contention that a cold hearted calculator can be perfectly sensible to infer bad news about marriage prospects from the fact that someone offers a prenuptial agreement. A hard core "marriage is a transaction and responds to costs and benefits whether you like it or not" realist may indeed act like a wooly headed "marriage is a magickal, blessed bond" romantic.
That is because a prenup conveys
1. some of the offerer's private information about the marriage's intrinsic success odds,
2. information that the costs of unacceptable behavior in the future have gone down,
3. some combination.
As of now we seem to be talking about 2.
Does that mean the purchase of an insurance policy increases the likelihood of that action? I don't think so.
Funny you should mention that. Indeed this is common enough that the insurance industry has a name for it, moral hazard. Life insurance policies may not cover suicide, so one would not expect them to increase that kind of behavior. But empirically, it turns out they and health insurance policies do indeed increase behavior that increases the risk of events covered by the policy.
It's not just life insurance or health insurance, either. Mandatory helmet laws have been followed by more accidents involving head injuries. Mandatory seatbelt laws are followed by increased auto accident rates.
Insuring against an event reduces the cost of that event happening, and by extension the cost of behaviors that raise the probability of the event.
And that is why the recent point on the relationship between behavior and divorce odds is relevant.
And, it's entirely irrelevant in both cases. Let's say (see the most recent discussion on the effect of behavior on divorce odds) that the probability a divorce happens in a given year, given that it has not happened yet, depends on:
* many things that can't be controlled (group A)
* some things that can be controlled (group B)
Now, when you "insure" against the divorce, you reduce the cost of behaviors in group B. For any given set of group A factors, you will see more group B behaviors.
The group A factors, by definition, have not changed. The effect of the group B factors is unambiguously to raise the probability of divorce.
(As an aside, there are two types of group A factors:
* factors beyond control but common knowledge (A.1)
* factors beyond control but known by one partner better than another (A.2)
Not only does a prenup reduce the cost of group B factors, but it conveys information about group A.2 factors.
And the insurance industry has a name for that, too: adverse selection. What kinds of people want health insurance? The kinds who get sick. By asking for a policy, you convey information to the insurer about the risk you think you face.
Adverse selection is the type of information covered in item 1 of message 2807.)
To be clear, my statement "And what affects whether that condition obtains? The behavior of the partners, for one thing" was preceded by:
Getting a divorce cannot be stopped in the no fault case, conditional on one or both parties wanting a divorce, that is true.
"Whether that condition obtains" refers to the condition of one or both parties wanting a divorce. It cannot be replaced by "(prenup)" as in your quote in 2804.
recently found a correlation between the degree to which a city is viewed as hospitable to gays and the vibrancy of its economy, especially in high-tech employment. It's not so surprising: The presence of gays in an urban area is a sensitive barometer of the sort of open-minded and creative social atmosphere that attracts talent.
Northern California had two separate and equally horrifying cases of a parent murdering their family, then killing themselves in the past two week period.
First was in Merced. A divorced man snuck into his ex-wife's house while she was out jogging and shot her four children (one of whom was his). He shot the boys while they were sleeping, killed the 17-year old girl as she tried to stop him, then took his six year old upstairs to the bedroom and held her in his arms while he killed her--then killed himself. The mother came back and found them.
The second was in Santa Clara and was just discovered yesterday. A woman ran down her soon to be ex-husband as he tried to run for the door, shooting him several times in the chest. She then shot her 12 year old daughter in the chest, then took their 6 year old daughter, wrapper her in a blanket, shot her and then shot herself. They were splitting up; the father had custody of their six year old.
Here is the opening paragraph of the Mercury News report on the Merced killings:
A retired Santa Clara County deputy sheriff whose marriage crumbled over his explosive temper fatally shot his 5-year-old daughter and three teenage stepchildren before killing himself in their Merced home Tuesday, police said.
Here is the equivalent Mercury News opening paragraph on the Santa Clara killings:
After eight years of marriage, Taeyoung Schiefer's world ended quickly -- and with astonishing violence.
Taeyoung is the mother. The mother who killed her exhusband and two daughters.
Same writer in both cases.
The social fabric is unraveling.
Hardly. People have been killing their families and committing suicide through out human history. At no other point in time has a society spent as much effort in stopping these kinds of events as we do today. The sky is not falling.
Friends described the 42-year-old as a devoted mother and said she was distraught after her husband left her and that may have driven her to kill. - Santa Clara mother killed family
Fascinating. Within the first three paragraphs we have a quote that casts the woman’s crime in a “mitigated by emotional defect” mode. No such dissembling is done in the account of the man’s crime … in fact they focus on the fact that a RO was in place.
also think i read that men concerned about depression/mental illness are more likely to be taken seriously than women, hence women come to expect depression as part of being a woman. The media's sympathy may be in reaction to the medical community's dismissal of these woman's problems and not so evil and biased and simple as "Women are good, men are bad."
Her world ended quickly, and with "astonishing" violence. Astonishing to who, exactly? Not her. She'd bought the gun a month ago. Not until the end of the second paragraph do they mention that oh, by the way, this chick killed her entire family. It's front and center on the other article.
The entire article focuses on the woman who killed her family. The older daughter, Elsa, is described as a good athlete and great student--which, the principal says, proves what a good mom her murderer was. Jessica, the five year old, isn't even mentioned except to describe how she was killed.
But hey, we learn that the mom studied gymnastics when she was a teenager. Essential information, of course.
They interview a domestic violence expert, so that she can say, "I went, 'Oh my god'". Because, of course, that's news we need to have.
They don't interview a family court expert, despite the fact that the husband moved out with his daughter. Anyone who knows anything about divorce would see that as a red flag. A supposedly devoted mom lets her five year old move to another town, even though she is devastated about the separation? Why? She could have ended it with a single trip to court. It at least suggests possibilities, if they were up for speculation. But while they were perfectly ready to speculate that the reason the other marriage broke up was because of the husband's temper (although no direct evidence is provided), they don't even mention this. In fact, they deliberately confuse the issue by saying that the couple "each took a daughter", which is not true.
The mother killer article is about the mother. The father killer article is about the violent destruction of a family.
I really don't care to discuss the marits of either article, they both killed their kids, their psychos, I'm not defending either, I'm much more interested in the mental illness angle. but...you said:
A supposedly devoted mom lets her five year old move to another town, even though she is devastated about the separation? Why? She could have ended it with a single trip to court.
About 70% of men who seek custody of one or more children is granted custody, and that statistic is no lower for men who have a history of abuse than it is for men who are wonderful perfect parents.
how many custody cases that you know of have been ended by "a single trip to the courthouse"? I'm surprised any one who has been anywhere near a divorce could say something so niave.
You're the naive one. That stat is inaccurate, and even when you cite the correct one, it doesn't address reality.
I know yer not discussing mental illness, I said that's what i was interested in, and that I didn't care to discuss the articles, are you having difficulty tracking today?
The Chronicle did a much better job. On the same day, their headline read: Husband ran for his life, police say
Hard to feel sympathetic about the mom with that headline, portraying a murderer who ran after her husband and gunned him down. Then,
The position of his body suggests to investigators that Schiefer was trying to escape as somebody --almost certainly his estranged wife Tae Young Schiefer, police say -- repeatedly shot him with a five-shot .38-caliber revolver.
If she shot him repeatedly, it means she had to reload before blowing away her daughters.
But the father's body was "punctured with bullet holes", which sure sounds like more than twice.
I also read in another article that she almost certainly reloaded; I'll try to find it.
Police said some of the victims were shot more than once and that the pistol had to have been reloaded before it was all over.
freaks.
freaks.
freaks.
Just putting women on a pedestal, PC style. At least it can be said for the old way that it is less dishonest and damaging.
blegh.
Well, up to a point, I like to think so, also. However, it's doesn't necessarily preempt other methods of evaluating social situations.
Slick organization it seems
Don’t be an ass. I barely believe in “evil” as anything more than a religious concept, forget specific peoples or genders being “essential evil”.
In fact, I was noting that the default setting for the media (and a large part of the population) is that men are essentially evil, violent animals who are only a heartbeat away from homicidal rampages at any minute for any reason.
What does Das Moat think? Are we substantially less moral, honest, etc. than 50 years ago? Has human nature changed significantly in that time?
What has caused the restrictions on cheating to be "lifted"?
Hence Ann Coulter, Laura Bush, Andrea Yates and CalGal.
". . . the Great Depression was lengthened and deepened by policies designed to combat it."
Is this what conservatives really think? What federal goverment policy worsened the Depression, and how?
Wow! I didn't know that. I'm running out to cancel my health insurance today, because surely that insurance must cause illness.
Did you know that if I pay people to do something they are encouraged to do it? But if I tax people for doing something, they are motivated to avoid it?
Did you know that if you lower the price of something, you tend to sell more of it, but if you raise the price, you tend to sell less?
Do you know what an economic depression is?
I would recommend you investigate Self-Determination Theory...pay (in and of itself) is not an effective motivator.
Of course it could have been a mass contagion of laziness that hit the US labor force causing 2 million workers to suddenly decide that they'd rather not work.
It is for people who actually do good work. I realize this might not be something you're aware of yet.
Ohio,
Slackjaw just said some 40 posts back that buying health insurance and life insurance does increase your use of it, or something. I find that odd and unlikely, too.
I think there is a middle ground in unemployment insurance. We do pay for it after all, and I think it's unfair that it is only designed to protect the lower income workers. But I know that the better unemployment benefits, the longer the stay on unemployment.
There are always people who scam the system.
Betty
Please don't quote that 70% chestnut...it's completely inaccurate, a convenient myth, and the more it's spread, the more people believe it, and the more children end up living with an abusive mother.
CalGal, that's an interesting juxtaposition of articles, though I'm not at all surprised. Thanks for posting it.
You mean posts like --
2853. Rama - 4/10/02 12:17:08 AM
Hey, don't leave Cellar Door off the list. Different gender, but still a belief in a special moral dispensation.
I suppose that expalins the outpouring of sympathy for Sante Kimes.
In fact, I'm a woman-lover, and as such, I too despise the "pat-pat, poor thing" brand of journalism that we see so often when it comes to women subjects. It's just, imo, a carryover of the patriarchal system, and contributes to women being marginalized in legal and other ways.
It's impossible to have equal rights without equal responsibilities.
Until someone assesses an objective number of hours that are accepted by everyone as necessary housework, all comparisons are idiotic.
If I recall correctly, the gummint began to shrink the money supply after the Crash. Ultimately, I think the MS contracted by about one-third. This had a rather sharp effect on prices.
It took many years for FDR's expansive policies to overcome this. Oddly enough, some economists recognized the problem at the time and called, half-seriously, for new money to be printed and thrown randomly from airplanes.
On unemployment benefits, surely you will agree that some fraction of the public resides on the margin. That is, they don't NEED a job next week. If they can receive benefits for another month, they'll take them. I would simply argue that, in an affluent society, the size of this marginal group is non-trivial, probably in the millions (for the US).
Yes, they will. I did it many years ago. It's a long, boring story but, in the grand scheme of my career path, it was a reasonable decision for me to make. To be fair, I didn't quit because benefits had been extended. I quit because they were of sufficient length to allow me to pursue a different path temporarily. If the length of benefits had been shorter, I would not have resigned.
You seem to be saying that, in the case of unemployo, rewarding (or compensating) the behavior reduces the behavior. Yes/no?
Are you claiming that increasing benefits reduces unemployment as well?
I think he is saying that giving unemployed people spending money means that more people won't have to be laid off due to reduced consumer spending.
This was posted in another forum last night. The woman has been on maternity leave through a corporate layoff (from which she knew she was immune because she was on maternity) and has decided not to go back:
[My husband] thinks I should "call their bluff" and go back for a week or so and see if they lay me off so that I can claim unemployment. I don't think they'll lay me off. Moreover, I think I'll *really* hate the new environment my co-workers have described.
[My husband] says he'll help arrange child care for the week that I'm bluffing, but just thinking about it makes me feel like shit. We can afford for me to stay at home, but the unemployment benefits would cover the cost of COBRA for me and the kid, which would make things more comfortable.
I'm not saying that cheating is rampant. But people game the system as a matter of course.
Ah. If so, it's an argument I've never understood.
That is, how does taking a billion dollars from one group of people and giving it to another group prevent layoffs? This would only occur if the first group planned to stuff the billion into mattresses. Otherwise, it's still in the economy. Even if they don't spend it, it's available in the bank for loans and profit-seeking.
I think cheating is rampant. I've seen studies (not that I could produce one) that report significant percentages of people on unemployo are not strictly eligible.
And just as certainly, people who are nearing the end of their eligibility will look harder for work and be even less selective. Which is why increasing benefits increases the rate of unemployment.
I think the argument goes that if unemployemnt benefits are extended that people will be unemployed longer, hence more people will be unemployed at one time because people are willing to be unemployed as long as they are on unemployment. Follow?
so if 10 people each week are forced into unemployment and unemployment lasts for 10 weeks we have 100 people on unemployment, if it lasts for 20 weeks we have 200 people on unemployment.
Now what we should know is that availability of jobs actually determines level and length of unemployment not length of unemployment benefits. If we have the intellectual daring to look at under employment (ie. working at Borders though you have an MBA) as part of unemployment we get a very scary picture of the "health" of the economy.
Unemployment benefits like in Europe where one can receive 90% of one's prior earnings for as long as one wishes clearly feed structural unemployment so it's not surprising that rates in say Italy are around 10 or 12% whether or not the country is experiencing economic growth.
Cyclical unemployment which is caused by fluctuations in the business cycle can be ameliorated as ohio suggests by allowing the temporarily unemployed to continue to spend and live adding to C (consumption....which accounts for 2/3rds of the GDP), and reducing the far more difficult unemployment problems that come with serious dislocations like homelessness. In the US, the length is so short and the % of wages replaced by benefits is so small as to have only a trivial impact on structural unemployment. To wit, the unemployment rate recently being below 4%...rates not seen in decades. Unemployment benefits are an important element of that fiscal countercyclical balance wheel in that the benefits kick in often before congress, economists, or anyone else even realizes there is a cyclical downturn and unemployment is rising. Lengthening the benefits payments during times of economic distress can be a boon to the economy overall.
In many areas -- for example small towns in which a main manufacturing plant closes -- UI keeps the closure (at least temporarily) from ruining the entire area's economy by allowing at least a partial wage replacement, so that people can continue paying rent and buying groceries. This protects not only the unemployed, but also merchants and lenders.
Because you have to have become unemployed through no fault of your own in order to qualify, the notion that increased benefits (which increases usually lag far behind increases in the cost of living unless they're indexed to the state's average wage)increases unemployment is ill-informed. Moreover, there are qualifying earnings required and benefits are based on those earnings over the past five calendar quarters, so it's not like you can work for a few weeks and then live the life o rielly on your fat benefits. If you didn't have much in the way of earnings you don't get much in the way of benefits.
Rama, as usual, doesn't know what he or she is spouting about.
Unemployment compensation and the level and duration of benefits undoubtedly encourages a few people who have been laid off to rest on their oars for a bit and not seek work as diligently as they might. But the overall unemployment rate is determined by macro economic factors. Unemployment compensation injects money into the economy by putting it into the hands of people who quickly spend it. This reduces unemployment by helping reduce the depth and duration of economic recessions.
In the U.S., at least, one cannot choose to go on unemployment compensation. You must be involuntarily laid off and to continute receiving UC you must certify weekly that you had no earnings and that you are available and seeking employment. In some cases you are required to enroll in special state jobs programs. Malingering and fraud occur but are kept to a minimum.
I guess our issue is the size of the voluntary component of unemployment. I suppose it's fair to say I think it's somewhat larger than you do. In any case, I agree that the majority of unemployed are involuntarily so.
As for your last para, I'm not up on current unemployo policy but it used to be that one could resign and begin to receive benefits after x weeks. I know because I did, years ago. I don't know if it's still that way.
Finally, I'm not quite as optimistic as you that malingering and fraud are kept to a minimum. My personal experience, again years ago, was that significant numbers of people were working the system. The checks and balances back then were trivial. Perhaps the system is more rigorous today. However, I suspect human nature hasn't changed much in this area.
What would you consider a significant percentage of abuse that might change your opinion? 10% or more?
Unemployment fraud is a white-collar crime, and it's one of the major categories. I imagine it costs states a hell of a lot of money.
In FY 2000, we plan to increase our attention to weaknesses in the UnemploymentInsurance (UI) Program, which provides economic security to workers and their families who losetheir jobs through no fault of their own. Over the past few years, we have identified numerousweaknesses that affect the integrity of this multi-billion dollar program. In most instances, thestates are not in position or do not have the jurisdiction to effectively address these weaknesses. Among our concerns are: the proliferation of multi-state schemes to defraud the state UIPrograms, a void in enforcement at the state level, loss of contributions due to the inability ofstates to search for hidden wages by employers who misclassify workers as independent contractors; and the increased vulnerability of the telephone initial claims system. Theseweaknesses result in substantial losses to the UI Trust Fund. For example, the Department ofLabor estimates that overpayments alone comprise approximately $500 million in annual losses, ofwhich only half is eventually recovered.
This is simply not true. There are jobs available at the same time there are people out of work. There are available jobs that people are qualified for that they don't want to do for one reason or another. Having unemployment insurance payments coming in encourages people to not accept those available jobs. Hence, they are unemployed longer than they would otherwise be. Hence, at any given time, there are more unemployed people than there would otherwise be.
If we have the intellectual daring to look at under employment (ie. working at Borders though you have an MBA) as part of unemployment we get a very scary picture of the "health" of the economy.
Adopting silly concepts is not daring, it is just silly. Nobody deserves a job just because he or she has an MBA.
That is likely to be true. It doesn't change the fact that the level of unemployment is also increased.
Part. But only part. Remember, too, that as far as the government is concerned, hiring me as an independent is a violation, even though I don't want to be employed and can't easily get unemployment compensation. So the government just wants to make as many UI collections as they can, whether the workers will file for unemployment or not. In any event, any employer that is hiring people as independents is doing so with the complicity of the employee.
But that is only part. There is plenty of fraud. Whether or not everyone gets unemployment benefits, the fact remains that a good number of those who get it aren't strictly eligible.
This is untrue. A large number of people become unemployed because there is a lack of demand for the work they are doing. But that is not why they remain unemployed.
I would be very impressed to see some documentation to support this theory.
In every claim for benefits, both the employer and the employee have the opportunity to appeal an award or a denial of benefits. In our state, the vast majority of overpayments are from people who are initially determined eligible for benefits but whose awards are overturned on appeal -- in other words, the overpayment was because of a difference of opinion, not fraud. Because each claim is processed through the employer, the employer always has the opportunity to dispute the claim.
Where there has been fraud is through 3rd party payroll processers who ususally contract with small businesses. These have been inside jobs in which an employee of the payroll processor invents claims and then draws the benefits for an invented employee. Since these guys handle personnel matters for the small businesses, they just don't dispute the claims. These claims aren't made for unemployed individuals, but for fictitious individuals. Keeping benefits artifically low would not eliminate this type of fraud.
But it simply IS true, regardless of Rama's insistance. As I mentioned before, the average duration of benefits in my state is 10 weeks although the standard eligibility is 26 weeks. The duration of benefits increases as the unemployment rate increases. The employer job listings with the employment service decrease as the unemployment rate increases. This is particularly true in smaller communities with fewer employers -- when an employer shuts down there's nobody else there to take up the slack. It's called supply and demand.
The system has been around since the 1930s it works fairly well although 20-30% of people who should be getting it are not getting it because the rules are complicated, because they don't speak English, etc. And a small number who aren't eligible under the law commit fraud and draw UC unlawfully. And some employers violate the law also and do not pay taxes when they should be doing so.
Some doctors and hospitals also defraud Medicare, does than mean Medicare should be eliminated. Obviously not. It simply means the administration should be improved.
Not true. The government simply wants to collect all UI taxes due under the law. The funds go into a trust fund and basically are all paid out. The tax rates are based on actual experience and they go down when unemployment is low and up, based on the experience of each employer. The range in Michigan is less than one percent of payroll for employers like banks who hardly ever lay anybody off to over 10 percent for cyclical car companies and construction companies whose work is seasonal. There is no particular incentive for the State-Federal system to collect more UI taxes than needed to keep the funds in balance with benefit payments.
Remember -- this is an INSURANCE program -- benefits are drawn for qualifiying claims from trust funds established though tax/premium payments based on the individual employees. The benefits paid do not represent drains on the General Fund. Certainly, as in any insurance program, fraud should be weeded out. But unemployment benefits are not charity or welfare.
Actually, they are a form of income transfer. The lower your salary, the higher percentage of your income you receive in benefits.
There is a whole body of law and case law as far as who is considered an independent contractor for purposes of unemployment insurance taxation.
Not just for unemployment insurance taxation. But employers rarely risk hiring independent contractors anymore. They just hire through agencies and pay a fixed rate. It's the agencies that pay unemployment insurance these days. Nonetheless, there are a number of high-end temp workers who would be just as happy as independent contractors who are forced into employment--through the careful and deliberate crafting of the laws that you describe--and one of the reasons is to ensure more money in the unemployment insurance fund. These people are very unlikely to be making unemployment claims, after all.
The benefits paid do not represent drains on the General Fund.
You are saying that if the pool of money runs out, no one gets paid? Or if they have a lot of money, it doesn't make them money in terms of interest, etc? I'm pretty sure that it's not a straight pay as you go program.
And my question is answered. Where do you suppose they get all that money, if it isn't collecting premiums that aren't paid?
I imagine, btw, that the free premiums went to the lower paid?
It simply IS NOT true.
As I mentioned before, the average duration of benefits in my state is 10 weeks although the standard eligibility is 26 weeks. The duration of benefits increases as the unemployment rate increases. The employer job listings with the employment service decrease as the unemployment rate increases. This is particularly true in smaller communities with fewer employers -- when an employer shuts down there's nobody else there to take up the slack.
This is all true. It doesn?t make bubbaette?s original claim true.
It's called supply and demand.
You can call it supply and demand, but that is not how economists use that term.
Nope. I'm not making unsubstantiated claims about it, such as although 20-30% of people who should be getting it are not getting it because the rules are complicated, because they don't speak English, etc.
That may be true, but I would like to see some basis for it.
I didn't say that, although I imagine it is true that higher paid employees are less likely to make claims just on the sheer inconvenience factor. I was speaking of highly paid independent contractors who are forced into temp worker status, and only technically employees.
Hell, I decided to apply for unemployment last year on a whim, just to see if I could tolerate the process. Not only couldn't I bear it, I would have had an incredibly difficult time qualifying every week, since the questions were absurdly irrelevant. I am sure I'm not unusual for my ilk.
The notion that there are crappy jobs that some people are overqualified for is bullshit. In the real world, there are all sorts of jobs with all sorts of benefits and drawbacks. Many of these jobs require specific qualifications. Having those qualifications is in no way related to deserving one of those jobs.
It doesn't benefit the employer to hire people likely to be dissatisfied in their jobs and who will leave at the first opportunity.
Of course it does. If it didn't, those people who are dissatisfied with every job they get would never hold jobs. Also, the companies that have high personnel turnover would go out of business. Neither of these is the case.
It doesn't benefit the individual, certainly, to take a job that is far inferior to his or her previous job, both for the lower compensation and for reduced personal satisfaction.
It does if it pay their bills. Also, working is a much more productive strategy for getting a high paying job than not working is.
It doesn't even benefit the government who is likely to lose over the long haul more in tax receipts than is paid in benefits.
More nonsense. The government makes much more taxing people who are working than people who are drawing benefits.
I can't provide an amount or percentage of benefits paid. But whatever the amount of fraud, it doesn't cost the states anything. It costs the employers who pay the UI taxes. Unemployment compensation benefits are paid entirely out of funds generated by payroll taxes on employers. If there isn't enough in the fund the payroll tax is increased. The program is self-funding and does not tap general tax revenues. [I'm not defending fraud because employers are paying for it!]
Until recently I worked for the state legislature and UI was one of my areas. Also, because of the recent upswell in unemployment, the program was much in the news during this General Assembly session.
General taxpayers don't pay anything toward UI. Employers pay all of the costs of the UI program through UI taxes/premiums. So none of the costs of the program come from the general fund, at leaset in my state. States can supplement benefits through general fund appropriations, but Virginia doesn't.
Nonetheless, there are a number of high-end temp workers who would be just as happy as independent contractors who are forced into employment--through the careful and deliberate crafting of the laws that you describe--and one of the reasons is to ensure more money in the unemployment insurance fund. These people are very unlikely to be making unemployment claims, after all.
Tomato/Tomahto. The U.S. Department of Labor would probably argue that the reason for having tight restrictions on the use of independent contractor status is to prevent employers from shirking their responsibility toward their employees. Most of the caseslaw surrounding Independent Contractor status comes not from employees arguing that they should be considered independent contractors, but from employers making that argument once a claim has been filed.
You are saying that if the pool of money runs out, no one gets paid? Or if they have a lot of money, it doesn't make them money in terms of interest, etc? I'm pretty sure that it's not a straight pay as you go program.
If the pool of money runs out, then states borrow at low or no interest from the feds. For some employers it is pay as you go -- government and non-profit employers are assessed no taxes, but reimburse the state for actual claims paid. These employers have the option of paying taxes instead of using the reimbursement option and many take that option.
I imagine, btw, that the free premiums went to the lower paid?
Taxes are assessed on two factors -- one is the solvency of the UI trust fund. The more solvent the trust fund, the lower the taxes. The other factor is the employer's experience rating -- the more employees you've laid off in the past 4 year period, the higher the tax rate. Since Virginia has had the lowest unemployment rate in 49 years and layoffs were few, most employers paid no taxes. The legislature took steps to decrease taxes once the trust fund exceeded 100% solvency -- defined in Virginia as 18 months benefits at a 4% unemployment rate.
You're right in some respects that low wage workers are more likely to have received benefits. Manufacturers are more likely to use the UI program to furlough workers during times when they have no orders. So they have temporary layoffs until orders pick back up. Manufacturers tend to have lower-paid employees, and were less likely to have received the tax holiday of the past 5 years because they had higher experience ratings.
The replacement rate is 52%, as I mentioned before, but benefits max out at 52% of the state's average wage. So individuals who earn more than the state's average wage do not receive as high a replacement rate. The legislature rationalizes this by saying that those earning higher wages are more likely to have personal savings to tide them over, though this is especially unlikely to be true in high cost of living areas like the urban D.C. Suburbs where the state's average wage of 36K/year really won't get you that much of a standard of living.
In your pinched little mind it may make sense for an unemployed electrical engineer to take a job as a ditch digger in order save money for the UI program. Fortunately, the federal government doesn't see it that way and allows the unemployed electrical engineer to spend his time searching for a job that better fits his skill level and allows him to contribute to society in a way that better uses his skills and abilities. Who do you think pays more taxes over the long haul -- the electrical engineer or the ditch digger?
Although the law requires that claimants search for work and requires that they accept suitable work, there is a body of policy and case law that defines what suitable work is depending on the individual's education and experience. That body of law does not support your contention. The fact that benefits expire is a sufficient spur to most individuals to look for work. That is borne out by the fact that 75% of Virginia UI claimants do not exhaust their benefits.
If the electrical engineer's benefits expire before he finds a job, THEN he will be forced to take whatever he can find. You may prefer the Dickensian model that punishes those who lose their jobs through no fault of their own, but that's not the way the law is set up.
All personal attacks and facts orthogonal to your thesis aside, the simple fact is that if you subsidize something you will get more of it than you would otherwise. And this pertains to unemployment.
Do you work in UC?
Rama, It is clear you don't understand the difference between a major factor and a minor one. To wit, your willful disregard of the fact that the business cycle has driven unemployment higher and faster than the current extension of unemployment benefits might. To wit, your own statement above suggests there are more important factors encouraging continued employment than the subsidization of unemployment.
Our results provide no support for the view that the failure to actively seek work has been a cause of overpayment in the UI system.
I said, "Actually, they [UI benefits] are a form of income transfer."
You replied, "General taxpayers don't pay anything toward UI."
Utterly besides the point. It is income transfer, or redistribution. The transfer is from higher to lower paid workers.
Most of the caseslaw surrounding Independent Contractor status comes not from employees arguing that they should be considered independent contractors, but from employers making that argument once a claim has been filed.
That's because the government charges the employer, not the independent contractor. They have no say in the matter. And the fact that the government argues this is besides the point. No one forces the "employee" to accept independent contractor status. I'm sure the government claims it does so to protect the individual, but they are hardly a disinterested party.
If the pool of money runs out, then states borrow at low or no interest from the feds.
Precisely. So let us not pretend that the government isn't interested in collecting as many premiums as possible from workers--particularly those who aren't likely to make claims.
From you, I take that as the highest praise.
It is clear you aren't paying much attention to what I am actually posting.
To wit, your willful disregard of the fact that
the business cycle has driven unemployment higher and faster than the current extension of unemployment benefits might.
I have shown the same "willful disregard" to the economic dislocation resulting from technological change: I haven't discussed it one way or the other.
To wit, your own statement above suggests there are more important factors encouraging continued employment than the subsidization of unemployment.
Of course there are more important factors encouraging continued employment than the subsidization of unemployment. Nothing I have posted suggests otherwise.
Perhaps you are confusing bubbaetes flights of fancy with my posts?
You would say that because it would cloud the issue.
From a review of studies of the impacts of unemployment insurance done by Linda Aguilar at the Chicago Federal Reserve Bank, there is no clear evidence that unemployment insurance has a disincentive effect on work.
That's not my argument at all. The fact is that any money collected as a result of these workers is more money. That Virginia has temporarily declared a moratorium has nothing to do with it. And if you understood what I was saying, instead of nattering endlessly about what one state has done in a period of high employment, you'd figure out what the point is.
2) taxes are experience rated so that those employers who lay off employees are taxed at a higher rate than those who lay off none. In this particular state at this particular time, employer who have laid off no employees pay no taxes.
But, like Rama, you are certainly free to hold tight to your preconceived notions regardless of the facts. I wouldn't want to disturb your view of how the world works.
your point is obviously unclear, perhaps you aren't actually writing what you think you are writing, try again.
no clear evidence that unemployment insurance has a disincentive effect on work.
Are you referring to the "Unemployment insurance: countercyclical or counterproductive?" paper from that she and Testa wrote?
Your flights of fancy include the notion that I have posted anything that is dependant upon or related to any knowledge of the various laws that govern unemployment insurance.
But the employers of the people I'm talking about are not the employers who are trying to hire the people as independent contractors. They are third parties, and since not all of their population are high-end contractors, many of their temporary employees at the low-end file for unemployment.
You are continually thinking of these people as employees. They aren't employees. They are contractors who are forced into temp worker status because it benefits the government.
The point is perfectly clear, as is the reflexive basis of the objection.
Yeah, that's what I thought. It's probably out on the Web somewhere.
As her what she thinks now.
no you dipshit, if an author has an intended point but is unable to communicate that intended point--clearly--to it's intended audience then they, as Bubba put it, don't have a point.
It's not a matter of not understanding or not agreeing with the point, it's a matter of not seeing a clearly defined point, and that's the author's problem, not the audience's. this particular author has a great deal of difficulty with that aspect of communication.
Summaries of the U.S. empirical literature are given in Woodbury and Rubin (1997) and Vroman and Woodbury (1996). Katz and Meyer (1990) provide estimates of the effects of potential on actual duration.
Bover, Arellano and Bentolila (2000) we found, for the average 1987-1994 GDP growth rate and for a representative reference male worker, that raising benefit entitlement duration from, say, 4 months to 8 months raises average unemployment duration by 4 months; and that reducing benefit entitlement duration from, say, 8 months to zero reduces unemployment duration by 7 months. These estimated effects are large, by any standards.
then they, as Bubba put it, don't have a point.
Nonsense. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink. Bubbaette doesn't want to get the point, because bubbeaette has a world-view to defend.
It's not a matter of not understanding or not agreeing with the point, it's a matter of not seeing a clearly defined point, and that's the
author's problem, not the audience's. this particular author has a great deal of difficulty with that aspect of communication.
Again, nonsense. The point was quite clear, originally and when repeated. It was also very difficult to refute, so it was ignored.
Here, I will provide an example of the same mechanism.
I don't understand why you are claiming Bubba didn't see the point of CalGal's post. She obviousely cared about the issue and responded at considerable length.
Are you new to this medium?
Further
"The increase in unemployment duration in the U.S. during the 1980s and 1990s has occurred in a period when UI benefit generosity has, if anything, declined. Average replacement rates are now somewhat lower than in the late 1970s (details vary from state to state) while potential benefit duration has not increased. These time series patterns suggest that developments in unemployment duration in the U.S. have not been driven by developments in UI statutory provisions."
be careful darling, I'm a lot smarter than I would ever let on. It is not the position of the author to second guess the intelligence or worthiness of the audience, it is their responsibility to communicate clearly. That means that if your audience has some form of willful ignorance that you must find a way of communicating through that ignorance. Here's a hint: If what you are doing isn't working, do something different.
Cal does have great difficulty being clear...I think this is intentional on her part, but regardless, her communication is not getting the response she wants, there for it is useless communication. it may be completely useful on a different audience, but again, it's useless unless it elicits the desired response from the specific audience that is being addressed.
And indeed, I am claiming that Bubba didn't see Cal's point.
I was quite clear. Bubba just didn't understand what I was saying because she was too busy spouting the party line to pay attention. It is a common problem with hacks.
Lesbian Couple Create Deaf Child
A deaf, lesbian couple has seen to it that the child they created was deaf just like them. The couple, profiled in the Washington Post, was turned down by several sperm clinics and finally asked a family friend who was deaf and had a family history of five generations of deafness to donate sperm to them. The result was little Gauvin McCullough, who is now four months old and almost completely deaf.
The couple justified their actions by saying that deafness was "cultural identity" and not a disability. They believe it is their right to create a child in a way that makes the parents happiest-that serves their purposes rather than the child's own.
The question immediately becomes, what if the child would have been born with proper hearing? Would the parents have been justified to use a different tool to make the child the way they wanted if sperm selection didn't work? Of course not-that's child abuse. And engineering a child with defects to meet our emotional needs is the same kind of abuse.
Our ability to engineer ourselves and our offspring will just continue to increase. The debate over proper use of genetic and reproductive technologies must take place now before a notion takes hold that our progeny should serve us instead of our serving them.
--To read the Washington Post article, follow this link: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A23194-2002Mar27.html
--To read the BBC article, follow this link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/health/newsid_1916000/1916462.stm
That whole story is so disgusting. Those parents should lose their child and then both should be sterilized.
What nonsense: Referencing my cite that I didn't provide. Even you should choke on that illogic. You cited an article by title with no content at all (that I can only find in hardcopy). I provide direct text that you can easily find on the Web. And you complain. And then you post text that doesn't address the point under discussion as if it was relevant. Nobody has claimed that the fact that unemployment periods are longer now than in the past is the result of lengthened benefits.
Please, rebut something that has actually been said--by me, anyway. I have not declared that UI should be ended. I have said a) that there is a considerable amount of fraud, b) that it is in the government's interest to force employers to declare independents as employees, in order to maximize premiums and collect money for people who are unlikely to file.
Hardly shocking assertions. I believe there are a number of studies that demonstrate that unemployment benefits have an impact on search intensity--just google on those terms and you'll see what I mean. I don't think that US unemployment bennies are worth enough for middle class people to extend unemployment unless they have another source of income. But I think it's quite normal in the lower income classes.
Rama: And just as certainly, people who are nearing the end of their eligibility will look harder for work and be even less selective. Which is why increasing benefits increases the rate of unemployment. While you refer here just to increasing benefits, the context is around increasing the duration of insurance, not the replacement rate.
Then from your reference:
"The increase in unemployment duration in the U.S. during the 1980s and 1990s has occurred in a period when UI benefit generosity has, if anything, declined....These time series patterns suggest that developments in unemployment duration in the U.S. have not been driven by developments in UI statutory provisions."
I don't know what else to say. I have never seen a case decision in which an employee argued that he or she wished to be considered an independent contractor. All of the case law that I've been able to find on the subject is argued from the exact opposite point -- the individual laid off applied for benefits at which time the employer argued that the individual was not an employee but an independent contractor and thus should not qualify for benefits.
The law on this is fairly clear, and can be found in sections 60.-212 et. seq. of the Code of Virginia. If the person meets the definition, they are an independent contractor. The law itself was developed with the intention of protecting the employees in question and the Department of Labor's review of state legislation for conformity comes at the issue from this standpoint although I suppose there could be an unwritten secret conspiracy to some other effect.
Further, I'm not aware of any groundswell among those employed to be classified as independent contractors for this purpose. Instead, all of the legislative measures to create new independent contractor status has been pushed by the employers with the employed individuals opposing. You are clearly in on the ground floor on this one and I suggest that you build a coalition of like-minded voters (if you can find any) and lobby your legislature immediately.
Do you just randomly come up with stuff, or do you really misunderstand English that badly? Or is it that you can't stand the fact that nobody is disagreeing with stuff you beleive that is actually based on reality and it hurts that your fantasies have no foundation?
You failed one last time.
The cited studies show increases in duration of benefits results in increases in duration of unemployment. An increase in duration of unemployment is an increase in unemployment from the level that would exist if the duration were shorter. It is, of course not necessarily an increase in agregate unemployment from one time period to another, as that is impacted by many other factors, some of which have a much larger impact on unemployment than the availability of benefits. But it is an increase.
You can cut an paste all you like, but you won't change the reality of that.
Why don't you propound on your career as a counter-spy? That would be more interesting and informative than your uninformed opinions on UI.
Why, you don't seem to be able to read English.
With this much moaning and groaning (and lack of actual content), you must feel your tail rather woefully kicked.
That is a completely different point.
The duration of benefits is set in state law.
Actually, these studies address unemployment compensation worldwide, not just in the US.
So it follows that when the unemployment rate has experienced a sustained and substantial increase, of course the time individuals spend looking for a job is going to increase -- there are fewer jobs and more people looking.
Those are other reasons there is more unemployment.
From a reference you may or may not have looked at (I can't tell, nor do I care):
...that adding 1 week to the potential duration of UI benefits increases the expected duration of unemployment by .05 to .2 week
any effect is so small and by your own admission easily swamped by other factors as to become irrelevant. If you wish to continue to argue about an irrelevancy, fine. I do not care to any longer.
That's why conservatives don't like giving hungry people food.
You are welcome. I am always glad to teach people things they didn't know before.
any effect is so small and by your own admission easily swamped by
other factors as to become irrelevant.
Irrelevant to what? This effect is an example of a principle that it is very important to understand if you are to have rational discussions of social issues.
If you wish to continue to argue about an irrelevancy, fine. I do not care to any longer.
There is nothing to argue about. You have been convinced of my point.
Of course that is the reason. It is not the only result.
This isn't true.
I don't know what else to say.
Well, for one thing, you could say that you clearly do track what I'm talking about, but are responding with non-rebuttals. This post makes it clear.
I have never seen a case decision in which an employee argued that he or she wished to be considered an independent contractor.
That's because they wouldn't show up in the cases, obviously. However, I am reasonably sure that you can find any number of cases where the government came in after the fact and declared an independent contractor to be an employee--without that contractor's consent. It used to happen all the time.
the individual laid off applied for benefits at which time the employer argued that the individual was not an employee but an independent contractor and thus should not qualify for benefits
I'd like to see the cite. No individual suddenly discovers they are an independent contractor after the fact. They have just decided to complain about it, after having agreed to it at the time of hire. Just another way of gaming the system--in this case, the "system" is the government's desire to collect more uninsurance premiums (and other penalties as well) to change the outcome after the fact. If the employee agreed to be an independent contractor at the time the engagement began, then they are just as culpable as the employer--and I'm willing to bet that if people who formerly agreed to be independent contractors and then tried to collect unemployment were treated as harshly as the employer, that practice would disappear.
The law isn't put in place to protect the employee. The law is put in place so that the government discourages independent contractors. They don't like them--independent contractors at the low end are more likely to not get around to paying Social Security, are more likely to want unemployment (even if they aren't entitled) and so on.
Further to what? I made no claim of a groundswell. That said, this is a significant issue among high-end "temp workers". There's not enough of them for a groundswell. You don't know about it is because you're a company girl (in this case the government), and swallow the swill.
But if you paid attention, you'd find all sorts of situations where governments deliberately try to screw over the high-end worker. Like AB160 in California, which did away with the ceiling on temp worker hourly pay rates eligible for overtime. What was the stated reason? To "protect individuals", of course. The ceiling was reinstituted (at a slightly higher hourly rate) in less than six months. Why? High-end temp workers insisted on the ceiling. They wanted to be excluded from overtime. Why? Because they knew perfectly well what the real goal of including them was--to make them more expensive than full-time employees of consulting companies, who were not eligible for overtime, and thus forcing independents into full-time employment. Why? Because high-end temp workers are resisting unionization, making it very difficult for unions to unionize temp workers in California, and when unions aren't happy, California governments act.
See, Bubba, the government is often the enemy of the highly paid worker, and always the enemy of the highly paid independent contractor.
The government has two separate and complementary goals: keep lower income workers away from their coffers while ensuring that they are paying all their taxes, and keep all the taxes and other payments issuing from higher income workers. Thus they don't want high-end independent contractors, because as temp workers they are eligible for fewer write-offs and are a source of unemployment insurance premiums that they are unlikely to collect.
I think I'm finally tracking on the source of our disconnect and it has to do with the political climates of our states. Virginia is a "right to work" state and so profoundly anti-union that what the unions would like the law to be rarely enters into the legislature's deliberations.
Instead, the Code lays out the definitions of Independent Contractors in three parts. One of those parts specifies that the employed person sign a contract at the beginning of employment specifying that the person hired is an independent contractor. No signed contract, no independent contractor.
That's one of the problems in talking about UI nationally -- the feds lay down some basic parameters and then each state fills in the details. I can appreciate your frustration with my continually talking about what Virginia does, but that's where my expertise lies. It sounds like the situation in California is very different.
Right, that's why the IRS audits are focused on the people at the lowest income levels.
I think California is a right to work state, but it's also strongly Dem. It is getting very nearly hostile to employers at this point--it's one reason that I wanted a decent Republican to run for governor.
One of those parts specifies that the employed person sign a contract at the beginning of employment specifying that the person hired is an independent contractor.
This is true in California, too. But people often complain after the fact, after having signed a contract. I think the argument with low income workers is that they didn't know what they were doing and were taken advantage of--and they probably were.
I'm not denying that employers take advantage of low-end temp workers, or that they'll happily cut costs on lower-paid employees whenever they can. I also know that there are some employers that a) hire illegal workers and b) abuse them mercilessly, knowing that they can't complain. But I don't think it is fair for employees to knowingly accept something that gets them the job--a job they might not have gotten otherwise--and then complain after the fact, knowing that the government will be sympathetic.
The point about high-end temp workers is generally true throughout the states. Unions want technology workers and high-end temp workers (most often tech as well) something fierce. Unions are definitely more powerful in some states than others, no question. But governments at both the state and federal level do whatever they can to discourage independents at the high end, for reasons having almost entirely to do with self-interest.
However, the government has a strong incentive to force independent contractors into employee status because of the UI premiums that they know are unlikely to be used--among other reasons. They often will nail one independent contractor (usually for not having paid SocSec taxes), look up their client, and then nail the employer for all the independents--on the "employee's" behalf, of course. All of this is done without any complaint, and often without the contractors' consent. It nearly happened to me at Exodus, except I told the AG that she would be very unhappy with my testimony.
Right, that's why the IRS audits are focused on the people at the lowest income levels
It's worth remembering that people can complain about "the government" without thinking about taxes. In this case, I am talking about employment generally and wasn't even thinking about taxes per se.
Oxymoron.
The law in MI and I suspect in CA provides specific tests, beyond what the employment contract says, to determine whether an individual is an employee or an independent contractor--such as who supervises the person, who tells him what time to come in to work, who has to authority to terminate the individual, duration of the assignment, was the duration open ended or for a specific period or a specific project, etc. (I can't remember them all. You probably know what they are better than I.) The bottom line is something like the old McCarthy test for Commies: "If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, its probably a duck." Anyway, the rules are designed to prevent employers from evading what can be a high payroll tax (max. 11% in Michigan) and leaving their workers unprotected when they are no longer needed. As far as I have seen the agencies who administer the law have no other motive than making sure that all employers pay the taxes they owe on what are de facto employees.
My point is I agree that there is a valid issue on who should be covered by UI, both from the standpoint of employers and the individuals concerned. And maybe the state agencies are over zealous to protect people who don't want or need to be protected. But I doubt they are motivated to tax simply for the purpose of collecting money on the wages of individuals who will never need or use unemployment compensation.
I've never been an independent contractor or an employer of independent contractors, so I don't claim any particular insight into that situation. however, I have seen UC cases filed by persons who claimed they were employees eligible for UC but whose employers, motivated to avoid the UC payroll tax, protested their eligibility, claiming the workers were independent contractors. There is a fine line, and the cases can go either way, depending on the specifics of the situation--not on whether the employment contract says they are independent contractors. Our statute specifically bars a contractual waiver of any right under the UC law.
You're right; I know the rules far better than you do. And they're a joke. They are deliberately constructed to snag high-income independents, whether they want to be an employee or not.
Anyway, the rules are designed to prevent employers from evading what can be a high payroll tax (max. 11% in Michigan) and leaving their workers unprotected when they are no longer needed.
Payroll tax is federal, not state. It's 12.65% and 3% on all income for Medicare.
There is no "evasion". If you are an independent contractor, you pay that money. (which is a ripoff, but that's a different matter). So the employer isn't "evading" the tax; the contractor is responsible for it. Lower income people will cheerfully sign up for being independent contractors, knowing that they have to pay the payroll tax, and then not pay it. This requires the government to chase after the individual, and they don't like doing this. It lowers their profit margin, in a manner of speaking. It is far easier to go after the deep pocket and penalize the companies who hire the employer--have you ever noticed how vigilant the government is in going after employers, yet rarely hunt down individuals who are committing the same sin (hiring other individuals and not paying FICA?).
They want to discourage independent contracting because it's too much of a hassle to go after the independent for the FICA, much less verify the accuracy.
The worker isn't "unprotected" and left "high and "dry". They are an independent contractor, wonk. They are getting paid more than the employer would pay them if forced to make them an employee--and that includes the possibility that the employer wouldn't use them at all. They chose to accept this. They then bitch after the fact, for the reasons I've explained--that they know the government will back them, no matter what.
Every one of those "persons" knew they were an independent contractor when they signed up, wonkers. They are protesting after the fact. The employer paid them as an independent contractor, the employee accepted the additional money. They protest after the fact because they don't want to pay it.
As far as I have seen the agencies who administer the law have no other motive than making sure that all employers pay the taxes they owe on what are de facto employees.
Really, wonkers, what does that have to do with anything? I'm talking about the law. Individual government workers know nothing about what the purpose of their job is, they just hack away.
You have said you know nothing about individual contractors. You are also an unquestioning devotee at the alter of employment law. Fine. Employment law has a purpose. Some times the purpose is to protect the individual from the employer. Many times the purpose is to ensure the well-being of the government. That's just a fact, Wonk.
I am happy to prove your point that by extending the period of benefits to unemployed people, you are increasing the number of unemployed people. I am only sorry you couldn't prove it yourself.
On the surface at least, this appears to be merely contrarian political posturing. What is the social issue?
Apparently there is some hoax making the rounds that convinces black people to file for a tax credit for slavery reparations.
So why did the IRS pay it?
One IRS employee is under investigation for allegedly helping process returns that claimed the credit, officials said yesterday. At least 12 current and former IRS employees, all low-level workers in processing centers, applied to receive such a credit.
The IRS waged a campaign to tell taxpayers there was no such credit. They apparently forgot to inform their own employees.
Jesus. Fire them and make damn sure they never get a pension. And will that happen? Almost certainly not. They aren't only black, they're union.
On the surface at least, this appears to be merely contrarian political posturing. What is the social issue?
I have no prejudice against law or the government. I am realistic about governments and their purposes.
"Payroll tax is federal." UI is a state-federal program. States operate the system, including determining the tax rates and rules for coverage within general federal guidelines. Tax rates, benefit levels and coverage vary widely from state to state. Michigan is high because of chills and fever production scheduling by the auto industry. The fact that you are classified as an "employee" for certain purposes does not mean you are an employee for UI purposes. In Michigan at least there are separate tests for Social Security withholding and UI. Employees pay no UI taxes. The entire bill is paid by employers. For that reason I find it hard to see any disadvantage for high paid or low paid individuals of any type in being covered. They all have nothing to lose and something to gain, especially if their work is intermittent. It seems to me to be advantageous for individuals to be classified as employees rather than independent contractors, at least insofar as UI is concerned. If I am missing something please explain.
Yes, I know. But if you note, above, you referred to the "payroll tax" in Michigan being 11%. Were you referring to the UI? Generally, the term payroll tax refers to FICA.
The main reason employers want to hire more independent contractors as opposed to employees is because of FICA, not UI. It's a much bigger part of the bill--at least, it is in California. It might not be in Michigan because of their auto-industry.
So, I find it hard to understand your rejectionist attitude toward it.
I don't have a rejectionist attitude towards UI. I am saying that the government wants to have UI premiums for people who are unlikely to ever file for it--not because they will never be fired, but because their job means they are never really out of work. Thus it is in the government's interest to force certain people who want to be independent contractors (no UI) into employee status (UI) in order to collect the premiums.
My objection is that the government forces these people into employment even when they don't want to be employed, and that the government does it for their own purposes. There are people who don't want UI, who get more money and security from being independent contractors, but are forced into tax situations that prevent them from taking deductions that are rightfully theirs--all because the government wants the money from UI premiums, doesn't want them to get the tax deductions, and so on.
But if any law was broken, both employer and employee broke the law equally. So fine them both, or put them both in jail. That would end all the complaints.
Lowend employees who don't get unemployment are just that much sooner on the government dole. They are also much more likely to use money for bills rather than to pay social security.
Thus it is in government's interest to prevent low-end workers from being independent contractors, because it keeps them off the government dole longer, and it saves them from hounding down individuals for taxes that they can otherwise expect the employer to get. Any expense the government can put on the employer--whether it's paying taxes or paying UI premiums so that these people can file for unemployment--is all to the government's advantage.
Down at this level, it turns out that their protectionism benefits the individual worker, whether legitimately or illegitimately (by the worker gaming the government's agenda).
Another employer motivation is to exclude them from company benefit programs which are a big item. Hopefully they pay enough more to make the work worthwhile.
"The government forces people into employment even when they don't want it."
Only if they are collecting benefits. You can't have it both ways. Either don't apply for benefits or follow the rules which require you to be available and seeking work in your customary profession or work.
"The employer and employee broke the law equally."
Not so. The employee may have taken the job expecting to be covered by UI and unaware that he wasn't or he may have never given it a thought or he may have never heard of UI. But you can bet your ass that the employers are very savvy about UI taxes.
"The government wants UI taxes from people who will never collect."
This is your Oliver Stone theory. The government doesn't want anything. It is not a person. But if you insist on personnifying the government, the government hopes that nobody will be laid off and collect UI. The trust fund would be full and then the tax rate would approach zero. They would no longer be able to collect taxes beyond the minimum. Not likely, however. Virginia probably achieved this by screwing eligible individuals out of benefits they should be getting and by the fact that so many are government employees who are rarely laid off.
Wonkers, don't be a dick. I'm talking about employment, not work. You're so ignorant about contracting you don't know what the difference is. The government forces them into employment, rather than contracting.
Think tax status. The government is forcing them into w2 status, instead of 1099, to make their life easier. If you really are stupid enough to think I'm complaining that the government makes people work, then there's no dealing with you.
Yes. And the one up side of forcing employers to hire everyone is that it is cutting back on benefits for everyone. Benefits are an obscene gimme that should be taxed. There's another area where the government screws independents, temps, and everyone else who isn't covered by benefits. They're subsidizing the untaxed benefits of employees everywhere. In a perfect world, employers would eliminate all benefits and the government would be forced to spread out the tax subsidies more evenly.
The employee may have taken the job expecting to be covered by UI and unaware that he wasn't or he may have never given it a thought or he may have never heard of UI.
If he is an independent contractor, he's not an employee. If he's not an employee, he's not eligible for UI. So there was no expectation of UI.
Now, if it is possible to be an employee who isn't covered by UI, fine. That's a separate issue. But you were the one who said the employer called the employee "independent contractor". That can't be done without the individual's knowledge.
The government doesn't want anything.
Tell me, wonk, do you support taxing capital gains? Do you support taxing cigarettes? Do you support taxing employment benefits? Your answers to all those questions will depend on what you want the government to do. The government is a self-interested entity. It robs Peter to pay Paul. There are many decisions embedded in laws that take advantage of one group--either through popular support or because the group lacks sufficient power to complain. Happens all the time. Nothing "Oliver Stone" about it; you squawk of the same issues all the time when Bush does something you don't like.
This is true. In Virginia, about 61% of those who file claims receive a first payment (a term of art -- you can only receive one first payment in a benefit year) while nationwide the average is closer to 74%. Until this year's 37.3% benefit increase, Virginia had some of the lowest benefits in the nation.
Right! Success! We have communicated! Oh, wait. Not the last. It's the government that discriminates against us, not employers, when it comes to benefits. But close!
If your approach prevalied, a lot of high paid independent contractors would wake up in their old age in a single room in a flop house, sitting on a sway-backed bed with a bare light bulb hanging down from the ceiling and a half empty bottle of Ripple on the floor.
No, not at all. We still have to pay FICA and Medicare--we just pay both halves. In fact, that bill is the one thing that keeps us "gaming the system" our own way, by mixing temp employment (to pay FICA) with self-employment (for deductions).
We still put money into retirement, even though the government deliberately discriminates against us. So we'll be fine.
You mean you get fully paid health and dental care, paid vacations and holidays, stock options, and pensions just like the employees?
The UI system is supposed to be counter-cyclical. The trust fund should be building during good economic times in order to be flush when bad times hits. This helps make sure that there is enough money to pay benefits AND it protects kicking employers when they're down by having to charge them higher tax rates immediately at the onset of a recession. However, in the go-go nineties the Va. Legislature was all party party party, and questioned the need to have so much money in the trust fund and so gave the majority of businesses a tax holiday by changing the solvency formula -- a move that they are regretting now as solvency is projected to dip to only 50% in the next four years.
No, that's how they discriminate against us. The employees get those benefits for free, and they aren't taxed on them as income. But if you don't receive them from your employer, you have to pay for them with taxed income. If you don't have health insurance, you have to pay for what you can afford (which is far less than the cushy employee benefits) and you can only deduct some small percentage of it--it's still less than 100%. Even though covered employees don't pay taxes on these benefits, uncovered workers (of any sort, mind you, not just highly paid) have to meet the same 7.5% of AGI before they can deduct their health expenses. 401(k)s are equally discriminatory--if you are self-employed, you can put up to 13% in your retirement fund. But if you aren't covered by a 401K and aren't self-employed--and remember, that's what the government forces us to do, is be employed, even if it's only temporary--you can only put away $3K and get a deduction. Disability insurance--almost impossible to get, and if you are getting it on your own, you can't get the same deal that your employer gets--and you have to pay for it on taxed income.
They weren't independents. That's the total fucking JOKE about the Microsoft suit. They were employees of a different company, and still the government sued Microsoft, who was following all the rules. The Microsoft suit was about stock.
The MS suit was started by complaints by non-MS employees who had worked at MS as employees of another company, and were angry because they didn't have stock.
These were people who desperately wanted MS to hire them. But they were in what are called "permanent temporary" positions, and would never be hired in those jobs. They weren't good enough to be hired by Microsoft in other jobs. So some of them had been there for a year or more--again, as employees of another company--and resented it. So they went to Justice, who felt it appropriate to waste taxpayer dollars to spank Microsoft who were doing everything legally.
What's really disgusting is that the millions of dollars spent on that suit only benefited that one group of workers. It's not like Microsoft smacked their head and said, "By golly, we'll hire everyone!" Of course not. What they do instead is limit the time that they keep contingency employees. Which they were already doing, because that was the law before the Microsoft suit. But because these people were employees OF ANOTHER COMPANY, receiving benefits, MS thought--silly them!--that they weren't breaking the law.
Because of the MS suit, even temporary employees are treated to the same rights as employees in certain situations, if they have been there longer than a year. All this means is that temporary employees can't stay longer than a year. Which is why the whole suit only benefited the specific group of employees.
There are lots of temp workers who desperately want to be employed, whether they make $10 or $45/hour. There are temp workers who make far more money than any company could ever pay them. It depends on the skill being sold.
But now we are in the realm of "temp employees". That's what independents are forced into it for the reasons mentioned earlier. Temp employees don't get any bennies (save "free" ones after a year), can be let off at any time, and yet aren't allowed the same advantages as the self-employed because, after all, they are technically "employees".
Most of the people who want to be hired are also ones who can't mix and match income. I can usually make sure that I get enough self-employment income to get tax writeoffs, while still being temporarily employed and getting the FICA paid for. But if you are a temporary worker who isn't an "expert" of some sort, then you are pretty much stuck. Yet because you are technically an employee, you get screwed over if you pay for your own health insurance, life insurance, and can only put $3K in a 401(k)--all things that the government gives to employees tax free if they have a job that provides it.
It is completely random, and the government is actively hurting temporary employees at the low end of the power scale. Instead of giving tax breaks to people who aren't covered by employer benefits, they spend tons of money on meaningless lawsuits trying to force employers to hire temporary workers. That will never work. The MS case was actually the second major government action regarding temporary employees. The other one happened in the 70s, against IBM, which is when all the laws that MS was following were set. I can't find any online histories of that one and only know sketchy details.
I'm pretty sure it wasn't just Virginia, and it wasn't just UI. States are taking a serious hit in all sorts of budgetary areas these days, as I'm sure you know.
In my view, temporary employees should be used to fill temporary positions. If the same position exists after a certain period of time -- say one year or 18 months, the position should be classified and the person filling it should be a regular employee.
But the reason that companies and governments don't do that is because employees are expensive. (Of course, not nearly expensive here in the US as they are in Europe.)
So suppose they decide that instead of 200 permanent temporary jobs, they'll just create 50 permanent jobs and eliminate all long-term temporary positions. You think that would be better? Not only would those temp workers not have those jobs, but they would lose valuable resume fodder.
Yes, I know. But statistically speaking, people like you don't count. I mean, employers can't say "Yeah, but some people are foolish enough to live on the fringe and not be concerned about it, so who are we to stop them?" No one's interests are served by encouraging people to neglect their income and security in the way that you describe; most people are sensible enough to want more--whether they want to provide it for themselves or not.
That was the original temp profile; a woman with a husband who wanted pin money. May have all been pretend; I've never seen the actual statistics.
I agree with your main point--that some low-end temp workers deliberately choose that life, for the reasons you mention, and that the conversation thus far had overlooked that point. I'm just saying that the people who make this choice are almost never acting in their own financial self interest, and that there isn't any interest served by encouraging that sort of activity. Hence no one brings them up anymore, although they certainly comprise a good percentage of low-end temps.
In days past, there was no problem with that sort of choice--that's what I meant about the original profile. If a woman was working for pin money, then the irregularity and the lack of benefits weren't a problem. After all, she had a husband. But I'm not sure that this was ever the majority; it may just have been a politically useful profile.
I agree that I represent a rather small minority, I was in no way trying to speak to the larger issues at hand, rather just offering a perspective that I had not seen here.
Of course, my opinion is...Universal Health Care takes care of some of the yuckier problems associated with Temping. As does more widely subsidized housing and in all a more European model. But I'm sure, Cal, that you have a quibble or two about that.
Of course salaries for creative writers and artists also addresses some of my personal situation but I actually think that's a piss poor idea.
But the whole mindset assumes that there's something natural about women empathizing with mothers who kill their babies, if they do it for the right reason. Bleah.
tell me 'bout it.
In Philly there is this wonderful thing called the Pew Grant...$50,000 just for being an artist, no obligation of actually producing, it's based on past acheivement. and you have to live in Philadelphia. One of the resons philly is blessed with some wonderful artists and writers. It is the largest single grant a writer/poet/artist/musician can recieve in the US.
A damn shame.
No the US does not provide strong support for the arts...it provides strong support for dead artists as status symbols. Writers get paid shit for very excellent work even in the top publications. forget making a living as a short story fiction writer. the pulp magazines are gone. there will be no more Hemingways becaue it's novel or nothing, we don't allow our writers to ferment, to be amatuers, to learn their craft.
before Mass production, posters and such, many more people made a living as artists. Just as before records many more people made a living as musicians. Now middle class people can have a picasso (print) for 10 bucks why would they pay a reasonable price for my work? there's no market for good work, and unfortunately most of the collectors I've met consider it an "investment". They arent' buying for the love of a piece, they are buying it like it's a fucking stock.
That's fine and all, I don't give a shit who buys my stuff, but it's not support of the Arts, it's an investment strategy.
TJ--I can't find it and did look. Do you remember who wrote it?
I'd be interested in that piece.
I have two regrets in my life, not giving the funky smelling guy on the street the 12 dollars I had in my pocket for his orange and black charcoal drawings, and not buying the tryptich of the purple woman in the red sweater at my favourite eatery/gallery for $250. those are my two regrets...not finishing college doesn't even come close to the sarrow I feel about not having those pieces.
and Cal, good art is never market driven, the only people who think such things are cads.
Sorry, but I checked Slate again and still cannot find the article. Hopefully, my memory is not playing tricks on me.
some days I wish i could sprout a dick and marry you.
Try not to personalize everything. And tell me where I mentioned "good"? We were talking subsidization, not quality.
I wasn't personalizing, get your head out of your ass and pay more attention to my words. i spend time choosing them for a reason.
1. I said Americans subsidize art through the private sector.
2. You disagreed. Unfortunately, your post validated my assertion.
3. I pointed this out.
4. You said that good art isn't market driven.
5. I pointed out that we weren't talking about good art.
So. Do you agree, or not, that Americans do have a strong interest in art, but that we generally prefer to provide this support through the private sector?
That you mistake this as support and interest in art is your loss.
1. Too many artists whom I have met are snobs with a habit of accusing anyone outside of their rarefied circles of being phillistines incapable of apreciating true art. Many of these artists cannabalize their own communities -- constantly shitting on the work of talented people while promoting supposedly daring and revolutionary art that lacks appeal beyond its self-proclaimed shock value. In short, there are many in the arts community that lack the generosity of spirit to promote quality work outside of their own insular little groups. (Lower the percentage of "artists with attitude" and I may be more inclined to support additional funding for the arts.)
2. There are just far too many funded charlatans walking around unintentionally functioning as walking billboards against the need for arts funding.
3. There is actually a super-abundance of good art out there --in all areas: film, music, sculpture, painting, fiction, poetry, etc. In any of these areas, I can find something that will enrich my life, or at least my evening, and need not search far to find it. Of course, I live in a large urban centre, so I may be spoiled.
So, while I appreciate the arts, don't mind government funding of artistic endeavours and empathize with the many talented people out there struggling to make a living, I just have a hard time thinking that there is a pressing need to fund the arts in today's day and age. Honestly, I think society would be better off funding (say) 10 new Malcolm Gladwells than 10 new artists -- however worthy the work of those artists might be.
I don't see it that way where I work. I see it as having to lay off somebody who's doing a good job in order to hire somebody else who will be laid off after 1500 hours regardless of how well they work. These people take the jobs hoping to get a foot in the door if a classified position comes open. Usually they are working along side classified employees doing the exact same job but for better pay and benefits. It may be cheaper to screw lower level employees, but I don't think it's good policy.
I know. It is very foolish of them, given that companies often tell them that they don't have a chance of being hired, at least not in that position. But it does give them a potential edge when looking for other jobs in that company.
I see it as having to lay off somebody who's doing a good job in order to hire somebody else who will be laid off after 1500 hours regardless of how well they work.
For starters, "how well they work" is completely irrelevant. I'm not being cruel; that's just a fact. The issue isn't whether or not they are a good worker. The issue is what the company is prepared to pay for any non-critical worker. Temps aren't hired because companies want to pay low salaries--they can screw regular employees just as easily. Temps are hired to supplement the regular employee base without increasing overhead. It's not salaries, it's benefits--including state mandated ones like UI and SocSEc.
A company or government looks at their budget and their expected costs and decide they can afford X employees. If they use X employees, they can get Y work done.
But it turns out they have more money than they thought. Not enough to hire more employees--which after all, have an ongoing extensive cost. But enough money that it's a shame to let it go to waste--especially since everyone says that Y amount of work isn't enough.
So they hire Z temps to supplement the X workers. They are only spending their surplus (this ignores all fancy shcmancy accounting stuff, yes?) and not increasing their fundamental operations costs.
But then, the workers who aren't getting the bennies go to the government (amusingly enough, since the government abuses temps in the same way), and complain. The government comes in and penalizes any company who hires temp workers beyond a certain point.
Now here is a perfect example of the stupidity of governments. Clearly, the government thought, as you did, that the employers valued the work of these temporary employees. And they did value the work enough to pay for that particular employee. But they don't value the work enough to increase their operating costs, and as long as they care more about their operating costs, Bubba, all the government intervention in the world isn't going to get that temp hired.
The reason they are getting laid off after 1500 hours is because the government insists on it. Not the companies. The companies would be perfectly happy to pay for the long-term temporary employee for as long as they did a good job. It's not increasing their operating costs, since there are no benefits. It's the government that mandates the layoffs.
What I don't understand is why you don't realize this. You know that benefits cost a fortune. You know that resources aren't infinite. You can hire temps at a rate of 3 or 4 to 1 employee--and it doesn't matter if you don't "see" it that way, because that's the reality of employment costs.
The problem is that temp workers--and you, and certainly the damn government--see the choice as between temporary and full-time employment. Buzz! Thanks for playing. The choice is between temporary employment and probably no job at all, temp or otherwise.
Now which would you choose? Better yet, which would you choose if you were the temp worker?
Which is why many of the longer term jobs are called "contingency jobs".
Suppose the company has budget for 1500 contingency jobs--750 professional, 750 clerical. But if forced to hire and pay expensive benefits, they have to make a lot of tough choices. Clearly, they can't afford all those 1500 people.
But if push came to shove, there are some of the professional resposnibilities that are more valuable to the company than current full-time clerical employees. So they decide that they can afford an additional 300 full-time professionals if they lay off an additional 100 clerical employees (full-time) and of course, they don't use temp workers any more.
So if we do away with temps, wonker, 300 professional workers will have jobs that otherwise might be contingency workers. The other 1200 people who might have had long-term temporary employment where they could plan on income are completely out of work--as are the 100 full-time clerical workers who weren't as valuable to the company, once they were forced to make more of an investment in personnel than they wanted.
But that's okay. All those clerical and professional workers who have no long-term temp jobs can just find those "temporary jobs" of "known duration" (ie, a lot shorter). There will be a lot less of them, of course. Still, what's important is that 300 more professionals have a job.
Good art is never market-driven? No major film of the last 50 years constitutes good art?
Well, that might be true at that.
Source: U.S. Department of Labor
Economic Stabilization
In the U.S., the economic stabilization capacity of the UI system is also one of the most limited among nations with similar economies, bor two main reasons. First, because the wage replacement function is limited, the capacity of the UI system to have a significant macroeconomic effect is also limited. Indeed, recent estimates suggest that the UI program was only about two-thirds as effective as a countercyclical stabilizer in the 1980s as it was in the 1970s, with a large part of this decline being potentially attributable to decreases in recipiency rates in the U. S. during that period. Second, the increasing reliance on a pay-as-you-go-funding structure in the U.S. system has also limited its capacity to act as a significant economic stabilizer.
Prevention of Unemployment
The U.S. is the only one of the G-7 nations that relates employers' tax rates to their unemployment experience. Thus, the U.S. provides perhaps the most direct UI-related incentives to employers to reduce unemployment. In many other countries, however, employee rights legislation may tend to have a similar effect.
cont'd
Overall, the extent to which this objective is pursued in the U.S. UI progbram relative to that of other countries is unclear. Because benefit levels, benefit duration and recipiency rates are low in the U.S., workers may face additional pressure to find reemployment rapidly. There is some evidence that rates of movement out of unemployment into employment are higher in the U.S. than they are in other countries.
It is not clear, however, whether the jobs that are being accepted by unemployed individuals are the most appropriate jobs in that they take full advantage of an individual's skills, education and experience. Indeed, some believe that more generous unemployment benefits, for a relatively long duration, serve primarily as a support for individuals' job search efforts. To the extent that such benefits facilitate effective matching of workers' skills with employers' needs, other nations' systems that are more capable of minimizing the disruption caused by unemployemnt would also be more effective in achieving reeemployment objectives.
I posted something last night, I thought, about the subject...but it ain't there.
anyway...I think we are talking about two different stages in an artist's/writer's career. Established authors and artists don't have nearly as much difficulty surviving off their work (although it can still be difficult) as unestablished artists.
My point is that the american culture, and that's the only one I know well enough to comment on, is not supportive of and often hostile to young, emerging artists. We haven't really felt the full impact fo this yet, but we will in ten, twenty years. the older artists I hang out with have or have had artist housing in New York, essentially "projects" for artists, with very low rent in wonderful neighborhood, this housing is being decreased or eliminated all together in the few places that had created such programs. also the paid outlets for new writing and art has not increased with american affluence, it's decreased. It's more difficult to get paid for a short story or poem or artwork in a literary journal, and those that do pay, pay shit. Fiction, one of the leading literary journals, pays practically nothing, (I think about $25/page)and they are paying more than most.
and Tabouli, I don't think funding art is mutually exclusive from ending poverty, in fact I think they go hand in hand. but as an artist of one type or another, I may be biased.
The academic environment is the most friendly and supportive of the fine arts and is the only real place a good artist can thrive economically and still have the luxury of working on the craft and showing it or publishing--they have the time to travel and market their own works.
I think most people, especially those who live in big cities with very competitive artistic centers and environments, usually are unaware of the cultural energy and quality and diversity of art, music, and literature in small university towns.
As someone who deeply believes that art is essentail for the well-being of all communities the snobbish attitude that many of my peers take towards their work makes me angry and frustrated. If we want the larger culture to embrace art we have to embrace the larger culture.
The heat and humidity really aren't really an issue up in Fayetteville--maybe in July/August, but Hot Springs is pretty bad, especially in the summer, and much more touristy. It's a neat old town, though. Very unique and lots of character.
I don't know why we can't get a decent newspaper in this state since the Arkansas Gazette was murdered by Gannett.
Betty says: I don't think there have been any really marketable films that were good art in america in a loooong time.
Quod erat demonstratum.
Cal,
Making that subjective statement is not equal to snobbery. If you're equating good movies with art, you're mistaken. If not, then provide some examples of recent American films you consider to be good art and defend them as such.
Yes, it is. TJ's definition was also subjective. I was agreeing with him, while demonstrating a case in point.
There is no need to prove it. Anyone who thinks it requires proving is the sort of person TJ describes.
Now, if you're sniping about the "quod erat demonstratum", then chill out. It was irony. You might want to try it some time.
And dear, I wouldn't try irony on you, as you rarely get even very direct humor.
Yes, that's what it means. Movies are an art form. Hadn't you heard?
Ideally, of course, I would love to see an end to poverty -- really, who wouldn't? -- and I have no problems with transfers of wealth from richer to poorer and the dedication of government funds towards the maintenance of a strong social safety net; provided, however, that such programs do not become a self-defeating drain on economic growth that would otherwise be conducive to the creation of new jobs, new wealth and, ultimately -- yes, I'll say it -- new happiness among those who are less well off. But, I have a hard time buying into the notion that funding the arts and ending poverty go hand in hand. I gather that impoverished artists represent only a small fraction of those living in poverty. So, really, increased funding of the arts is likely to do little to minimize poverty. And -- on a gut level -- the funding of artists collectives and the like strikes me as decadent and, moreover, unfair to the multitude of people in this world who aren't given a similar opportunity to pursue what they feel is their true calling, be it as a baker, candle stick maker, activist lawyer, pediatric nurse, etc.
So, ultimately -- for me, anyway -- the issue of increased arts funding boils down to the following: Is N.A. society hurting itself by failing to fund the development of a sufficient number of new artists capable of ensuring a steady supply of new and meaningful art?
My answer is no? There is already a wealth of excellent art out there. There is already a wealth of talented artists with the vision and the capacity to contribute meaningful work to the world. And it is possible to ferret out and enjoy all sorts of non mainstream, high quality, and even obscure artistic works in various mediums. Anything extra would be gravy.
If not, then you have no basis for disputing her her observation.
I can say that i have seen a number of fine movies, really, very fine that I love, enjoy, adore, have been inspired by, etc. but i wouldn't call them art. I would be hard pressed to call even Godard's work (which I enthusiastically enjoy) "art". I'm not sure why this is, but I have seen some wonderful Man Ray, Harry Smith, Luis Bunuel, even Eisenstein films that I would classify as "art".
there are components of marketable films that I would call "art"...good costuming, acting, even "special effects", but as a whole a Marketable film is rarely gonna be art from where i'm sitting. that doesn't mean it isn't enjoyable and fun entertainment, but when directors change the endings because of what some dickheads had to say in a focus group that can't be art, unless you are giving those test audiences credit and call it a collective work. Yech!
I see art as being of singular vision or an excercise between people who are intentionally trying to explore the dynamics of collectivism/culture/community. you are free to disagree and call me a snob but I think that's a useless word in this context.
i think you are misunderstanding me. my basic notion is that if you provide for the basics of your populous through subsidized housing, free healthcare, etc. most, in this society, will choose to get more. but some, who have other priorities, will spend that time trying to contribute something besides wealth. There is nothing wrong with wealth, I'm not bashing it, the affluence of this country is exactly what would make this sort of thing possible, but there are some of us who could be better used for something different. Neither better nor worse, but different. Providing for the basics of the citizens allows you to have an artistic community which does help both morale and income of a nation.
Oh, and as for movies, what about Hitchcock? Definitely some exploration of the dynamics of culture and community there. Don't know if he used focus groups (if he did, they must've been one paranoid bunch).
Back to lurking.
i'm talking more about subsidized reality for everyone...a rather unpopular idea, but one that exists none the less. entitlement bugs me out, but I see it most among kids who had pretty cushy upbringings, I don't think it represents the larger body of artists.
That's completely untrue. Poems, books, and songs are art. Full stop.
If you mean just fiction...do you think V.C. Andrews qualifies as Art?
when i think of art i think of things were commerical interest is incidental...hence a Hallmark card poem is not art. anything Brittany Spears sings is not art. for that matter anything the Beatles (whom I love) did (with the possible exception of Revolution No. 9) is not art. Even yoko's "pop" songs are not art.
but I can see you argument Cal, that if you exclude popular media there is very little art, but that sort of circles 'round to my original point, that american culture doesn't support art.
Telephone book, no. The cover is art, though. The choice of print used is, technically, art. But that's getting broadly defined. Still, the manner in which a telephone book is constructed and bound has an artistic element--ie, the presentation. The content isn't art, though. If a geneaology book is all derived with no content, then the same rule applies.
when i think of art i think of things were commerical interest is incidental...
I think that would be more accurately described as "art that appeals to Betty"--ie, good art. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But Britney, Hallmark, adn the Beatles is all art.
but that sort of circles 'round to my original point, that american culture doesn't support art.
Actually, I think your original point was that the US government didn't support art. My response was that Americans support art through the private sector.
betty,
I think I agree with your notion of a "subsidized reality for everyone," although I would restate: the basics of a quality life -- health care, housing, a good diet -- should be affordable to everyone, and society should be geared towards this objective. Beyond that, I guess we will just have to agree to disagree. You think -- or, at least, I think you think -- that N.A. society is in need of more art and that without an influx of new arts funding we will be stuck with a society impoverished by a surfeit of timely, life enriching, art. I think -- or, at least, I think I think -- that N.A. society is awash in good art and will be supplied with timely, life enriching, art for many years to come. As a consumer of artistic product -- not an avaricious collector, but someone who enthusiastically enjoys artistic works -- I am happy with current supply. And as a person sensitive to artistic ideals but realistic when it comes to the putative power of art, I think that the notion of revolutionary, society transforming, art is chimerical. So, you will have a hard time convincing me that N.A. society should place any sort of premium on funding that is specifically targeted towards enhancing the living conditions of up and coming artists. . . . But, it is still fun to discuss the issue.
Now, show us a recent movie that qualifies as good "fine art."
I don't really see a need for government subsidization of the arts if we have subsidized reality...so really we are right on. I don't think we will have a shortage of good art, but i think we will miss out on some of my generation's masters just because art is considered such a luxury and some folks are working their ass off to eat...I think we have missed out on past masters as well, this isn't a unique situation, but i think one of the reasons we have such a groundswell of awesome art right now is because of the excellent funding and support of art in the 50's-80's...it may just be that it was an axial age and has nothing to do with funding and appreciation of the work though.
Surely my injection of "fine" clarifies the discussion well enough. That I thought that was understood is a failing on my part, considering how long I've been at this head-banging exercise.
Actually, I hadn't seen your correction until now. (put in "good" somewhere)
But then we're back at where we began. Anyone who says that there have been no good/great movies--which, by definition, count as good/great art--in the past X years is, as TJ said, a snob. There's no arguing with that person. It's not a matter of them being wrong--although they are--it's just that there's no point.
TJ had mentioned that many artists today are contemptuous of anything outside their very narrow range. Betty then made the statement that there have been no great movies made in the past ten years. I quoted it because this sensibility was, to my mind, exactly the sort of thing TJ was referring to.
Nothing much to argue about there, really. Apart from TJ saying "No, that's not the sort of comment I was thinking of." I have no intention of arguing movie quality with someone who thinks they all suck.
I hope.
I grow old, I grow old....
Betty's statement is that an entire medium of artistic expression hasn't produced anything of quality in decades.
That's an absurd statement on its face. All the qualifications about "well, lots of movies are good but aren't fine art" (an entirely true and unobjectionable statement) doesn't somehow turn it into a considered opinion. It's purely foolish. Not all opinions are created equal, and whether you want to consider TJ and I sufficiently more informed on cinema than Betty is irrelevant--although we are. You'd have to declare thousands of people who write about film as an art form to be completely incorrect, or to declare that Betty's statement deserves serious consideration in light of that reality. Feel free to do so, but I'm not playing that game.
It is far more accurate to say that Betty doesn't much care for movies--or as she said, she doesnt' care for "commercial" art. I think that's absurd snobbery, and to me it seemed exactly the sort of attitude that TJ was describing.
There is also all kinds of work out there parading as "fine art" on the say-so of art-community elites that is really just crap. How do I define crap. I don't know, but I know it when I see it, I suppose.
The question of what is fine art, or what makes certain expressions of art more edifying than others is a question that I would love to see hashed out; though, honestly, I cannot think of an intelligent answer at this time. Makes me want to break out some Northrop Frye, or maybe light a dube.
At any rate, I do think that statements to the effect that there hasn't been a good, fine art, movie -- or work of literature, music, etc. -- are incorrect, unhelpful to debate and --betty, please don't take offense -- snobby.
One is largely orthogonal to the other. Lots of fine art is also popular.
I certainly agree with you there. That's why it's not good and bad art, it's popular art and "fine" art. There's plenty of bilge in both categories.
The question of what is fine art, or what makes certain expressions of art more edifying than others is a question that I would love to see hashed out;
Hell, I wouldn't. I've been in academia most of my life and it's been hashed out plenty there and by lots less intelligent people than those of us participating here (and a few a lot smarter).
The thing is, you got to the crux of discussion earlier with your list and elaboration of what constitutes fine art, and thus provided a basis for your labeling of Betty's opinion as snobby.
Some things don't require "proof"; no one has to prove that Betty's statement about there not being any cinematic art produced in years. It's false on its face, unless viewed as uninformed snobbery.
Nothing wrong with it--she's a struggling artist and they're like that. But it doesn't have to be argued; it's demonstration of exactly what TJ was discussing.
i don't think those movies suck and I didn't say 10 years I said a long time...thinking more like 50. You need to read more closely.
I really liked Zoolander, but it ain't fine art. Popular Art, oh yeah, and good popular art at that, but I ain't gonna call it fine art. you can if you want.
is the term fine art arbitrary, absolutely! I haven't seen any of the movies TJ listed but I probably would enjoy them, and I probably wouldn't consider them fine art. it doesn't mean they aren't. and i wouldn't even argue about giving them that designation because I don't give anyone else the ability to judge such things for myself, though I do take opinions under consideration. I would be shocked, maybe even slightly offended, if somebody didn't think Duchamp or Rembrandt were Fine Art, but I sure would be happy that they were even interested enough to consider the matter.
Most of the art that has lasted through the centuries was produced for popular consumption. I'm not just talking Shakespeare, either. Almost all of the finest films ever made were produced with an audience in mind.
The struggling artist who is ignored in his lifetime, later to be lauded, might not be the exception. But he certainly isn't the rule.
I said there hadn't been marketed fine art film in years. I'm sorry if that was unclear. there are lots of fine art films being made in this country, they just aren't marketed.
and i don't know that you are any more formally educated on the matter of film than I am...my time in College was devoted to film studies.
I knew what you meant. My point still stands. And if you are formally educated in film, then I withdraw the assertion that I'm better informed than you.
That's inaccurate. Renaissance art was commissioned by the Catholic church or wealthy Italian merchants, and in most periods and places art has been supported by the wealthy, not the masses, not even in literature, Shakespeare notwithstanding. Art for the masses is a recent development.
Either way, the discussion has been in the context of modern work thus far.
No, it's not. I didn't say "all", for one thing. But to continue:
Art for the masses is a recent development.
Not true. All of Elizabethan drama was art for the masses. And just because art is supported by the wealthy doesn't mean it isn't produced for popular consumption. After all, in order to get the wealthy guy to pay for it, you have to appeal to his tastes. The Catholic church had more rigid requirements than the popular masses, having doctrinal demands as well as personal tastes--and again, I'm reasonably sure that they didn't deliberately look for styles that went against popular tastes at the time. After all, they wanted people to go to their churches, one assumes. Churches market, too.
But in any event, commissioned art is still commercial art. The purchaser wanted value for his money, which means he wanted a result that aligned to his tastes.
Now, I completely agree that art commissioned by the wealthy is not produced for the masses. But nor is it created or commissioned with the notion of being "fine art". It wasn't produced by a struggling artist who wanted to express himself, rather than make a buck. It was created by an artist who was selling his services.
Going back to Betty's original distinction, between art produced for commercial purposes and art as "of singular vision or an excercise between people who are intentionally trying to explore the dynamics of collectivism/culture/community", it's safe to say that almost all the art that has lasted through the ages falls into the former category.
But that's exactly the point. Betty categorizes as non-art anything that was produced for commercial purposes, when in fact almost all great art was produced for commercial purposes.
There have been Bettys throughout the ages. I'm sure some utter non-entity was sneering at Shakespeare's "popular trifles".
No, the former category was "art produced for commercial purposes".
So? It's not even most. Not even half.
Art created for the masses outside of drama (and mostly bad drama at that) didn't exist in any large degree in the West until the development of a significant middle class with money and means to go see collections in museums or use available technology such as the printing press, phonograph, and movie projector.
But in any event, commissioned art is still commercial art.
Who said commissioned art was or wasn't commercial? Everything is commercial if it brings a profit. So what? It's completely irrelevant.
Now, I completely agree that art commissioned by the wealthy is not produced for the masses. But nor is it created or commissioned with the notion of being "fine art". It wasn't produced by a struggling artist who wanted to express himself, rather than make a buck. It was created by an artist who was selling his services.
To pull two examples right off my head, VanGogh was paid for one painting, and a pittance at that. Gaugin moved to Tahiti. Your assertion that the greatest artists were out only for the money is a ludicrous one that I have no intention wasting time pursuing. That some great artists did get wealthy from their work says nothing of their motivation. Michelangelo's four years at the Vatican might have been better spent financially another way. Who knows and who cares?
Your last paragraph is a response to something Betty said and has nothing to do with the main debate, or even her point about popular art. You're redefining it as commercial art and defining that as anything an artist is paid for. You're doing the Cal dance again, and I'm getting off this train. I see where the track is, and you ain't on it.
some famous critic, i forget who now, said Andy Warhol was a great religious painter, because our new religion is capitalism, the market, what ever term he used...that popular and fine art can be one in the same I don't deny, that the work that intersects those two places is the work that has endured is not surprising. I agree with Tabouli that lots of fine art is crap art and I also have agreed that lots of popular art is great art...what exactly is your issue with what i've said? You don't like my taste. As i've said several times, fine, it's OK, it doesn't make you any less entitled to your opinion, not does it make me any more authoritative on what is good and what is bad.
There have been Bettys throughout the ages. I'm sure some utter non-entity was sneering at Shakespeare's "popular trifles".
now why is that, when we are enjoying a perfectly civil conversation on the subjectivity of art, you have to get all huffy and attempt to push people around with your snarls? I rather like Cal but if pull out Caligula I'm gonna take my toys and go home.
(well really, i'm gonna do that anyway, i'm about to get off work and it's a wonderful day out.)
Art created for the masses outside of drama (and mostly bad drama at that) didn't exist in any large degree in the West until the development of a significant middle class with money ....
The masses paid for entertainment well before a middle class. But even if you use this definition, that gives you 300 years.
VanGogh was paid for one painting, and a pittance at that. Gaugin moved to Tahiti.
Were all artists like Van Gogh without Theo, the world would have a lot less art. Gauguin was a comfortable stockbroker who enjoyed a family and a comfortable existence until he abandoned it all to go live the Bohemian life as an artist. He practically inventedthe stereotype--and look how late in the game that was, late 1800s. He was certainly not typical, and besides, he was rich first.
Your assertion that the greatest artists were out only for the money is a ludicrous one
I have made no such assertion. But it is absolutely true that the greatest artists wanted to sell their art. That's true of the majority of artists. It is also true that many of the greatest artists had to compromise their art in order to please their wealthy patrons.
Your last paragraph is a response to something Betty said and has nothing to do with the main debate, or even her point about popular art.
It is very much to Betty's point about popular art, and is what we were discussing from the moment you said that "popular art" and "fine art" were rarely the same thing.
And I wasn't dancing. I was agreeing with you that art produced for a wealthy patron is not produced for the masses. But in regards to Betty's larger point about art produced for commercial purposes, the distinction is moot. Both fail to meet her criteria. So "fine art"--which is surely what we'd call art that has lasted through the ages--is not art, acccording to Betty.
I wasn't snarling. I said earlier there is nothing wrong with your view. But your view is--as both TJ and I have mentioned--snobby. I was just pointing out that people have been sneering about art for commercial purposes for centuries.
bravo!!
is that in reference to the Philly school system? or some other seriously troubled school district?
I recently read two pieces on race - one short and amusing, the other long and frightening - in The Weekly Standard
Coloring the news at CNN
hAppeasing the Race Hustlers
The second piece is a clear-eyed recitation of what happens when you bow to the mob - you have to distort history; you must pay it off; and, inevitably, the only real losers are those who are left to live with that same mob (in this case, the non-race hustlers left in Cincy after the businesses and everyone else who can get the hell out make their move).
The only thing I would point out is that the Weekly Standard is guilty of that same sort of news molding. For example, I'm thinking they would never write a column lauding, say, me and mine. Namely, successful single mothers who never suffered and have happy kids. All ten of us. Liberal media outlets wouldn't either, because if women can do it without assistance, what does that do to their assertions that we all need more government aid?
Hey, at least successful black entrepreneurs that didn't suffer discrimination have one half of the aisle rooting for them.
Why wouldn't they? Because it would interfere with their presumptions.
I grant you that Weekly Standard is a tad different from CNN, which is expected to be objective. And I agree with the author's objection to that email. But all media outlets tilt their praise, approval, and select who to cover based on their own biases.
It is elevating the messenger over the message, whereas, you are talking about a message (i.e., a cabinet that looks like America).
As for message-norming, for a conservative weekly/daily, is a different kettle of fish than for an ostensibly non-biased news outlet.
It is elevating the messenger over the message, whereas, you are talking about a message (i.e., a cabinet that looks like America) =
It is elevating the messenger over the message (i.e., a cabinet that looks like America), whereas, you are talking about a message.
As for message-norming, for a conservative weekly/daily, is a different kettle of fish than for an ostensibly non-biased news outlet.
I acknowledged that.
However, the Weekly Standard is unlikely to admit to messanger norming, either. And CNN does lots of pieces that could be considered light, fluffy, and not "news" per se, where they would be most likely to modulate their message based on their audience.
Speaking of, Cynthia McKinney, The Nuttiest Woman in Congress
Vamanos!
Heavens. Such hostility. I promise never to agree with the Standard again without blind obeisance to every nuance of their position.
The first case was about four black teenagers who were convicted of a notorious rape and murder of a white girl in Chicago and who served 12 years in prison until a persistent attorney who spent 800 hours and $50,000 of her own money got them released based on DNA evidence which was subsequently used to convict two other individuals of the crime. The disturbing thing about the case was how the original conviction was achieved--by using physical and mental intimidation and trickery to induce two of the teenage boys to confess and implicate the other two. The written confession they signed was almost verbatim from a profile developed by an FBI profiler to help the police catch the rapist-murderers. The police simply took the profile and used it to write a confession which they then got the suspects to sign. They made up evidence and the details of the crime out of whole cloth. Equally disturbing was that more recently the Chicago police responded to a request for DNA evidence in the case from Barry Scheck that "The evidence had been destroyed." Through persistence and an inside contact the woman lawyer who broke the case was able to get the files and the DNA collected from the victim's body after the crime.
According to the program, although the 400 cases which have been reversed by DNA and other evidence have revealed incredible cases of police and prosecutorial misconduct, not one has been charged with a crime or dismissed for their behavior. Sounds like a bigger cover-up than by the Cardinals!
Such cases are very difficult to prove. The guilty parties are very familiar with how the system works, and as the saying goes "It doesn't matter what you know, it matters what you can prove."
According to a law professor interviewed at the end of the program many proposals to require the videotaping of all interrogations have repeatedly defeated by lobbying by police and prosecutors. He maintained that this would be a relatively simple way to help improve current practices.
No shitm Sherlock! Nor is any other "Conervative."
In one of his other guises, Props claims Peggy Noonan to be a feminist!
Yeah,like Ann Coulter, Kellyanne Fitzpatrick et. al.
Looking for an African-American? Why not try Armstrong Williams?
Looking for a gay African-American? See above.
I thought the complaint with the cops was that they found innocent guys guilty, but the complaint with the bishops is that they found the guilty people innocent. And of course, the cops are supposed to catch bad guys, while the bishops are more like religious executives (more like Enron than like the cops).
Perhaps it’s time to send the National Guard down to invade Dade County. I think they might have forgotten that they have to play the game by our Country’s rules.
What's astonishing is that the government supervisor would be stupid enough to put it in writing. Wait, did I just say that government employee stupidity was astonishing? Never mind.
I hope there is going to be a lot less tolerance for "diversity" in the sense of "not one whit different from the country of origin" in the future. Pat Buchanan is right to worry about that--although it's much better in the U.S. than in Europe.
"Perhaps it’s time to send the National Guard down to invade Dade County. . . ."
What? Dade County needs to be straightened out again? This is a job for these guys!
Not to mention hysteria.
Any woman who wishes to go live in the WZ will be free to do so at any point in her life, though whether she will be allowed to take any children with her is highly debatable. Basically, she won't, not for any long period of time.
Women who give birth to children in the WZ will have to leave it. We may allow adoption of children in special cases.
Rapists convicted without a shadow of a doubt will be delivered to the WZ to be punished in any way the denizens see fit.
Women who choose to live outside the WZ will have to play by our rules.
I realize that we all pretty much think you're braindamaged on this issue and so leave your more poisonous mutterings alone, but I can't resist.
The Palestinian Pledge:
When we have won, we will carve out a territory of 15 km. by 15 km. in southeastern Palestine and create a Jewish Zone. Only Jews will be allowed to enter, and they will be given their own perimeter fence, machine guns, armored vehicles etc. to make sure no Muslim enters and lives. The JZ will be an autonomous entity and will have to be self supporting.
Any Jew who enters Palestine will be forced to live in the JZ. They will be sterilized, of course, so there won't be any children to worry about.
Muslims convicted of heresy will be delivered to the JZ because, after all, the Jews must have their pleasures.
Jews who choose to live outside the WZ will have to play by our rules, which means never coming near the Middle East again.
*******************************
Like to like. It's amazing, the similarities. Perhaps RP is a Palestinian. He certainly seems about as rational.
The Aryan Pledge
As President for Life of the USA, I will take the otherwise useless state of Texas and create a Non-White Zone.
Only American citizens of dark, swarthy or downright brown skin will be allowed to enter, including Americans of African, Arabic, Jewish and Hispanic descent. Oh yeah, and some Southern Italians, especially those from Sicily. They will be given their own perimeter fence, machine guns, armored vehicles etc. to make sure no white person enters and lives. The NWZ will be an autonomous entity and will have to be self-supporting.
Any Non-White who wishes to go live in the NWZ will be free to do so at any point in her or his life, though whether he or she will be allowed to take any children with him or her is highly debatable. Basically, they won't, not for any long period of time.
Couples who give birth to children in the NWZ will have to leave it. We may allow adoption of children in special cases.
Lynchers convicted without a shadow of a doubt will be delivered to the NWZ to be punished in any way the denizens see fit.
Non-whites who choose to live outside the NWZ will have to play by our rules, including sitting at the back of the bus.
Hey, Texas isn't useless!! We have oil!
But where are we going to put the Thumpers?
Western Kansas, on the other hand...
Hey, pal, my state can beat up your state.
I thought we were leaving them where they are now ... inside the Beltway.
Landsmann!
OK, you've broken me down.
I'll give you 20 km. by 15 km..
Remember, no Israeli men allowed in, under any circumstances. Hell, I won't even allow any of my men to come anywhere near the WZ.
Promise.
Bet it goes the other way in the SCOTUS.
I think any of these legislators would be very surprised to hear it claimed that their enactment PROHIBITS racially inclusive measures like the University of Michigan's admissions policies.
The case the court accepted yesterday, Connecticut Department of Public Safety v. Doe, No. 01-1231, began in 1999, when two Connecticut men, whose names are being withheld, sued the state in federal court, claiming that they were not dangerous to the community and that they would be unfairly stigmatized if Connecticut's law were applied to them.
The law requires all persons convicted of certain crimes, most of which are sex-related, to supply their names, addresses, photographs and DNA samples to the state police, and to update the information regularly. Information about 2,100 offenders was posted on a Web site operated by the state police, which received 150,000 hits per month.
Last year, a federal district judge agreed with the two men, ruling that publication of their personal data without a hearing to first determine their dangerousness would violate their constitutional right to due process of law.
Connecticut appealed, but a unanimous three-judge panel of the New York-based U.S. Court of Appeals for the 2nd Circuit upheld the district judge's ruling, which shut down the state's online sex-offender registry. The 2nd Circuit wrote that Connecticut had a legitimate interest in protecting the public from crime, but that its law was "too blunt" and "fails to accommodate the constitutional rights of persons .. . who are branded as likely to be currently dangerous offenders irrespective of whether or not they are."
At first blush, 'Megan's Laws' make complete and absolute sense but as always the devil is in the details. Pro 'Megan's Laws' advocates never hesitate to trumpet the most egregious and violent cases as evidence of the need.
But that strategy ignores the all too numerous occurrences of sex offense charges that are ludicrous. Remember the family where the two sons (10 and 12, I think) were caught involved in some form of “I’ll touch yours if you touch mine”? The older son was prosecuted, both boys were placed in group therapy meant to handle criminal pedophiles, removal of all the children from the family was threatened and the older son was listed as a sex offender under Megan’s Law at the age of 13.
Megan’s Law is the perfect example in my mind of our current black & white mentality concerning sex, abuse and minors. We seemingly have no ability to discern between a predator and a sexually curious 12-year-old boy. This inability is fueled by grossly inaccurate advocacy statistics, angst filled public testimonial and politicians looking for a quick jolt in the polls.
It will be an interesting case, but given the current make-up of SCOUTUS I hardly expect judicial vision or brilliance to be the end result.
My problem with Megan's Law is that once you do time, that's all there should be. I don't think the state should be able to punish you after that. Having your name on a public list is punishment.
I do think that certain jobs have the right to ask if you've ever been convicted of a sex crime. They ought to be able to do a criminal check for just those sorts of crimes. But more than that makes me uncomfortable.
Yes, there might be a sexual molester living in your neighborhood. There might also be a serial killer. A murderer. A thief. I'm not sure we should single out child molesters. There are plenty of ways to educate parents about suspicious attributes without requiring a database and that'd be more useful, in the long run.
Exactly my objection. I have no idea what the statistics are, but I would imagine that the average person is far more likely to be robbed or mugged than to be sexually assaulted. Especially considering that a huge percentage of the population is comprised of adult males.
If it is of vital importance that we be aware of the criminal tendencies of our neighbors in order to protect ourselves then I don't think it should stop at sex crimes.
The largest danger I face every day is my commute to and from work. I'm at far greater risk from reckless drivers who should be required to have a marker on their car so that I can avoid them on the freeway to increase my safety.
Additionally, for the financial well-being and security of the populace it should be public knowledge which citizens have a history of writing hot checks, defaulting on loans and making late payments.
I think it's also important for me to know which of my co-workers and associates ever cheated on a test or falsified information so that I can be sure they don't jeopardize my job.
All kidding aside, this kind of public notice promotes vigilanteism while it encourages people to be lax about their parenting and personal safety. This is totally aside from the fact that it is an invasion of privacy and a punishment extending after a person has served his/her time.
If we are of the opinion that sexual offenders will always be a danger to others, then they have no business being let out of prison. If no such thing can be proven, then they have a right to lead fully enfranchised lives after they've completed their sentences.
I am like vw of two minds on this, and I can't clearly say one way or another if it's an entirely bad idea.
Additionally, for the financial well-being and security of the populace it should be public knowledge which citizens have a history of writing hot checks, defaulting on loans and making late payments.
I'm pretty sure that this is all public record, in that people get arrested for writing bad checks, and it goes on their credit report when they default on loans and make late payments (and file for bankruptcy).
If we are of the opinion that sexual offenders will always be a danger to others, then they have no business being let out of prison.
I agree, but I think it is reasonable to ensure that people who sexually molest children can be considered to have paid but not be allowed to work around children.
In terms of protecting children, though, the best thing to do is instruct parents in how to identify sexual molester behaviors.
I remember reading something a while ago (when NJ first passed it's law) about just such a case (17 or 18 yr. old boy with 16 yr. old girl having to register as a sex offender)...i was astonished when I read the article too, will see if i can find it...
i agree that as a parent it is my job to notice any changes (subtle or drastic) in my kid's behaviour but the problem is really that there isn't any obvious and 100% catch-all "sexual molester behaviours" and parents who are being hyper vigiliant usually aren't protecting them from the right people, neighbors, uncles, teachers, baseball coaches and (the obvious) priests. we need to start dealing with the fact that our kids are most likely to be hurt by someone we and they love and trust...we need to teach them self-defense and we need to teach them how to listen to their gut instinct...
One way I have started this is by never forcing/cajolling sofi to give any relatives or friends hugs and kisses...physical affection is not a right and i make sure she understands she NEVER has to if she doesn't want to. It's a little thing, but at three it's starting the dialogue that her body is hers.
Not true. There are lots of parents who aren't aware of the fact that an adult who has a lot of kids hanging around his house is not just a friendly guy to be praised for taking an interest in kids.
if that's true, that lots of parents don't know that, then I'm scared for their kids...but again, (atleast for girls), it's who is in your family and who is in your house that you gotta be worried about (too!).
(I have known some guys who liked to round up the neighborhood kids for a baseball game and who I don't think where abusers, but if my kid were amongst the gaggle you'd be damn sure I'd be around...it's hard not to automatically be suspicious of men who show a friendly interest in our kids but i figure if he's not an abuser he's not gonna be bothered by my presence.
One of the best ways to keep kids safe is to be involved with their life...one of the major patterns (though again, not always) is for abusers to find kids who don't have "advocates" in their life. Abuser steps into that role and soon enough...)
It largely depends on the parents of the kids---generally the daughter--- as to whether the 17yo is going to get a sex offender rap. If the girl is underage and her parents want to make a stink, they have legal recourse to do so.
Here's an interesting little article about JailBait
Though California's statutory rape laws languished on the books for decades, they are the linchpin of a new three-year, $76-million effort by Gov. Pete Wilson's justice department. The Wilson administration claims this will curb teen pregnancy, reduce billions in state and federal welfare payments to teen mothers and lock up "predatory" older fathers who impregnate teenage girls and abandon them, even though statistics show that this occurs in less than 8 percent of all cases.
Critics say the plan is nothing but a political ploy to condition young people to say no to sex rather than use birth-control clinics, pointing out that grown men who impregnate teens create only a small percentage of the state's 63,000 teen pregnancy cases.
statutory rape
n. sexual intercourse with a female below the legal age of consent but above the age of a child, even if the female gave her consent, did not resist and/or mutually participated. In all but three states the age of consent is 18, and the age above which the female is no longer a child varies, although 14 is common. The theory of statutory rape is that the girl is incapable of giving consent, although marriage with a parent's consent is possible in many states at ages as low as 14. Intercourse with a female child (below 14 or whatever the state law provides) is rape, which is a felony. Increasingly statutory rape is not charged when there is clear consent by the female, particularly when the girl will not cooperate in a prosecution. Controversy continues over what constitutes "resistance" or "consent," particularly when some men insist a woman who said "no" really meant "yes."
To the best of my knowledge all criminal convictions of adults are public knowledge, but I see a significant difference between publicly available and publicly announced.
SUMMARY: The U.S. Supreme Court (news - web sites) declined to review the case of an Atlanta dental hygienist who was demoted for being HIV (news - web sites)-positive.
The U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday declined to review the case of an Atlanta dental hygienist who was demoted to a low-paying administrative position when his employer discovered he was HIV-positive.
Spencer Waddell sued Valley Forge Dental Associates under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), but his suit was dismissed by a federal district judge in 1999. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 11th Circuit backed that ruling last December, and Waddell appealed to the high court 90 days later.
According to Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, attorneys for Waddell, the court's rejection appears to leave a conflict in ADA law unresolved. In 1998, the Supreme Court ruled that a dentist may not refuse to treat a patient with HIV, writing that "little in life is risk-free" and that the mere existence of risk does not automatically constitute a "direct threat" to others.
Yet the reasoning of the federal judge and the appellate court justified Waddell's demotion based on the theoretical chance that he could transmit HIV to patients. Under an exception to the ADA, employers may discriminate if a disability poses a threat to other people. It was through this loophole that Valley Forge extracted itself from Waddell's suit.
One of the teachers interviewed was going to quit over this...does this policy seem all that draconian to anyone?
I think administrators should pay attention to performance, interaction with students and parents, and above all, results. Many teachers who are very good don't dress to the nines and many incompetent ones try to cover their incompetence with nice clothes. I've worked with more than a few of those, and a good administrator who pays attention to what's going on in the classroom will catch on pretty fast.
There's no correlation between dressing up and good teaching, and in poorer districts dressing up too much can distance a teacher from kids and parents.
BTW, the school I was in last year has lost three administrators and I don't know how many other staff, whereas the school I went back to lost three the year I left, but two of us came back, and I think one is leaving this year.
but i don't know if firing someone because of their dress code is either appropriate, constitutional, or otherwise effective. i mean, what is their goal? i don't think kids necessarily perform better or respect teachers more when teachers dress more conservatively. it may help in achieving a "state of discipline", but i don't think it will help teachers do what they are there to do!
personally, i think it's just a power trip game...let's keep people in line and teach kids the way the world works (i.e., you do what you are told). isn't that one of the reasons school exists as it does (he asks, sadly)? if students saw teachers as being "cool", wouldn't that make them MORE inclined to pay attention to them? in my grammar and high school years, the most influential teacher i had (and the one i respect most) was this disheveled, wild-haired poet/painter who taught 8th grade. he was fired (catholic school didn't like this artsy, sensitive jewish guy who taught interesting things but didn't care about discipline) because he defied the principle too often.
But I do agree with Rama that removing an HIV-infected health care worker from treating patients can be quite reasonable. Dental hygienists can injure themselves at the same time they are causing bleeding in the patient. Same with surgeons. While I do not believe there should be a law mandating such persons be removed from treating patients, I think the law should permit their reassignment where there is a risk, even a relatively small one.
Lambda, which I often agree with, but not always, is wrong to conclude that there is a discrepancy in the interpretation of the ADA. It is one thing to insist that a non-infected health care worker treat an infected patient. Since ancient times, physicians have been held in high esteem because they are willing to take risks in treating the sick. But that doesn't mean a patient is obligated to put himself at risk at the hands of a physician.
Ronski,
Why shoulnd't the law mandate removing them if you agree there is a risk?
If people wish to assume that risk (because, perhaps, the fees charged are lower, or because the office is conveniently located, or whatever), they should have that right.
You know, the usual libertarian stuff.
I can't get too worked up about it, probably because I don't wear dresses. In any event, pierced tongues and nylons with dresses are in two entirely different categories.
Ronski,
Does this assume that the patients know the health care worker has AIDS?
I wear dresses without hose all the time. A casual dress with bare legs and mules looks great and is very comfortable.
Well, duh...obviously. But Arky, Ivan, and I were talking about the DRESS code. I would think tongue rods fall under the ACCESSORY code.
Arky, I'm sure there are such schools and I think that would be a bad policy. I certainly wouldn't work at a place like that. My response focused on Judith's description, and given that pants were an option it looked to me like someone was quitting because they couldn't wear a tongue ring.
You described a policy that didn't require women to wear dresses and banned tongue rings. That's how I got it from what you said. Perhaps you'd like to describe it differently now? Maybe there were details you left out.
What I actually said: for the women to wear pantyhose if they wear dresses or skirts and for all of them to refrain from having peirced tongues.
What Cal read: You described a policy that didn't require women to wear dresses and banned tongue rings
Yes, and no. There have been quite a few cases where positive serostatus became public knowledge or public suspicion. But it is impossible to know the serostatus of all health care workers, all the time. Even with better, faster tests, given the low risk, it is not feasible to test every health care worker every day.
My point is that if an office or hospital does find out about positive serostatus, they should be able to protect themselves. And while I'm not a fan of the ADA, it is equally reasonable, given the existence of such discrimination laws, to outlaw the firing or demoting of someone who is HIV positive but poses absolutely no risk to customers, such as a receptionist, accountant, etc. But a dentist or a surgeon is different.
You seem to be making a huge issue out of this for reasons I can't figure. Did you describe a policy in which women were required to wear dresses, or a policy in which women were required to wear panty hose if they wore dresses? Is the latter not clearly a policy that doesn't require women to wear dresses?
Let it drop. Arky understood what I was saying, and her answer makes sense to me, too. All done.
Then I'm back to not understanding why you don't support a law that mandates removing them. If you support the right to fire them, then why not mandate it? If you want to claim it's a case of buyer beware, then why not mandate that the public be informed?
I can see three consistent positions:
1. Can't tell, can't fire/ban. Health worker's privacy trumps all right to know because the risk is small.
2. Must tell, can't ban. Public has the right to choose.
3. Must tell, must ban. Public health risk trumps health care workers right to privacy and public choice.
You seem to be saying, Can tell, can ban. That values neither the health worker's privacy or the public's right to know, making the entire situation up to the whims of the health worker and the employer.
But we do not have such a situation, we have a law that protects some seropositive individuals from some forms of irrational discrimination, i.e., firing someone who is HIV positive but who does nothing in his job that could transmit the virus. That I can accept. I can also accept the prohibition on revealing serostatus (the employer in question did not broadcast the employee's status, I don't think, just transferred him).
My position, given the existence of the law, is number 5: Can't tell, can ban.
If you mean, by endangering someone, that a healthcare worker can place someone at a very tiny risk of infection with HIV if the employer decides he is willing to take the risk, yes. Bear in mind that there is only one case of a dentist transmitting AIDS to patients (that I can recall at the moment), and there was some suspicion that the fellow may have done it intentionally, not accidentally.
And the boss is not free to fire absolutely anyone with HIV whether it endangers someone or not, because under the law he not free to fire the receptionist. And yes, the public is free to ask a healthcare worker if he is seropositive and the worker is free not to tell the person, one way or the other. And if the public does not like the answer, the public may go elsewhere.
There are lots of dentists.
You see, the risk of HIV infection in dentistry is miniscule (probably in body cavity surgery as well), but it is not completely absent. I think civil society can deal with this better than government can by force, but again I argue from the framework of the ADA law and subsequent decisions. I, unlike jexster, agreed with Rama that under the ADA the court decisions jexster cites are reasonable, even if I would prefer, probably, to have no ADA at all.
Test Sanitizes Literary Texts
In a feat of literary sleuth work, Ms. Heifetz, the mother of a high school senior and a weaver from Brooklyn, inspected 10 high school English exams from the past three years and discovered that the vast majority of the passages — drawn from the works of Isaac Bashevis Singer, Anton Chekhov and William Maxwell, among others — had been sanitized of virtually any reference to race, religion, ethnicity, sex, nudity, alcohol, even the mildest profanity and just about anything that might offend someone for some reason. Students had to write essays and answer questions based on these doctored versions — versions that were clearly marked as the work of the widely known authors.
In an excerpt from the work of Mr. Singer, for instance, all mention of Judaism is eliminated, even though it is so much the essence of his writing. His reference to "Most Jewish women" becomes "Most women" on the Regents, and "even the Polish schools were closed" becomes "even the schools were closed." Out entirely goes the line "Jews are Jews and Gentiles are Gentiles." In a passage from Annie Dillard's memoir, "An American Childhood," racial references are edited out of a description of her childhood trips to a library in the black section of town where she is almost the only white visitor, even though the point of the passage is to emphasize race and the insights she learned about blacks.
The State Education Department, which prepares the exams, acknowledged modifying excerpts to satisfy elaborate "sensitivity review guidelines" that have been in use for decades, but are periodically revised. It said it did not want any student to feel ill at ease while taking the test.
The mind boggles.
I think that whole "sanitized for your protection" thing is to avoid law suits...Suzie couldn't score as well as she would have because of that sexist passage which disturbed her.
I admit that's just tragic. Perhaps the state board could hire some writers to write fresh non-offensive passages so as to avoid offending Ms. Heifetz and company instead of this hideous censorship they have been engaging in.
edison, which is--i believe--the largest education corp in the country, is having serious financial difficulties. Most private schools rely on a good amount of government grants (the portion of their budget depends on a variety of factors).
I'm wondering what you think should be done to ensure that every kid, no matter how poor, has the opportunity to go to school?
edison has been "managing" some "troubled" public schools, but as I stated, they are having serious financial difficulty and it seems unlikely that they will be around much longer.
I was completely unclear in my question to ronski..."if we abolish coercive government-run schools" should have preceded the question. Mind you, i am not completely hostile to eliminating the coerciveness of public education...I am an anarchist after all and unschooling is pretty big on the agenda.
I think the best way to ensure that every child, no matter how poor, has an opportunity to attend school, is to get the government entirely out of education.
Education expenses have risen in proportion to two things: the increasing involvement of the state (an undesirable thing, imo), and the subsidizing of those whose families cannot afford education costs by privately run institutions, especially at the graduate level (a good thing, imo).
For example, I support my alma mater, Middlebury College, in large part because it has always exercised a certain noblesse oblige, and grants scholarships based on both academic promise and financial need to more than half of its students.
My brother and I were both subsidized. He waited on tables for four years, I was the TD at the school theater (I had the better deal). But some of my classmates, Whitneys and Mellons and the like, paid twice as much as they would have otherwise. That's fine with me.
At the undergraduate level, things are different, as it is generally considered an economic good that the public subsidizes such education. But I'm not at all sure that it is, given the general dumbing down of everything that government control requires. I would begin by returning the tax dollars paid by anyone who home schools his kids, and see how that works. You'd have more people produced who think the world is 6K years old, but you'd also have more people who know how to spell.
Btw, in a moment of pique, I think I was insulting to you last weekend, for which I apologize.
To think that the state education commissioner was my brother's roomate at college. I've been meaning to write him. Perhaps now is the time. But I fear this is only the tip of the iceberg. When math texts spend the first twenty pages talking abut the rain forest, I fear all may already be lost.
Democracy is not all it is cracked up to be. Republics, like the one we used to have, are generally preferable to mob rule.
But if you are indeed anarchist-inclined, we probably have some room for agreement.
Even Cellar claims he flies the black flag, not the red.
Though I've always had a bit of a problem digesting anarchism of the left; it seems contradictory.
apology accepted, though it's not entirely necessary...we all get cranky 'round here...i think it's generally understood that yesterday was yesterday and so it goes.
I wasn't even thinking college...i have plenty of awful things to say about how dumbed down college is...but i was thinking more about high school/grade school, the compulsory stuff, though college is becoming compulsory, especially in the NE, and I'm guessing CA.
Because I am a poor speller, (I always have been, despite being in the top of my class from K on...NueroLinguistic Programming has something interesting to say about this, if you are interested I can send you some sources) I don't really worry about spelling that much. Nor grammer. I do care a great deal about critical thinking skills though. I was not taught critical thinking skills and they were not encouraged in my school. Authoritarianism and conformity were. It may be unique to my school, poor and rural, people I have met from wealthier areas do tend to have more skills in this area perhaps because of the original prussian model adopted in the US...
I have a loved one to attend to, but I have some issues with corporations running our grade schools (as you would imagine) just as I have issues with encouraging "faith-based" schools. I am greatly concerned and encouraged by homeschooling and have similiarly mixed feelings about more localized control over school curriculms. I will have to go further in-depth at another time.
before i go...are you familiar with Hagbard Celine from Illuminatus! You have some similiarities.
I understood that. But what do you think the state will do in that case, shrug its shoulders and tell the kids to go home? Presumably they'll just start paying the teachers directly.
I would begin by returning the tax dollars paid by anyone who home schools his kids, and see how that works.
Why should the tax dollars be returned? Parents don't pay school taxes because they are parents, they pay them because they are taxpayers. Thus they have no more right to that money than any other taxpayer, with children or no.
No, I like cigarlaw's idea, may he presumably rest in peace. Give all taxpayers a credit for their tax dollars. The taxpayers can give that credit to any kid they like. Poor people could collect credits from friends and family members--and the fewer kids they had, the more they could do with those credits, which would give them a strong incentive to have fewer kids.
There's no real value to spelling, and it appears that spelling and geography--areas of rote memorization--are the only areas that homeschoolers do well in. When it comes to science and math, they don't do well. I'll leave you to prioritize that.
I agree with you about spelling deficiencies, and the preferability of focusing on critical thinking, but I think the NE holds no advantage here. If anything, I think the NE education establishment focuses too much on getting people into college, and into the "right schools," and too little on actual education. I grew up knowing that I would go to college, period. And a good one.
My partner, who grew up in extremely-central-Kansas, is as smart as a tack, and had absolutely no such pressure or expectations. KU, or Kansas State, or Barton County Community College, were as good as Harvard as far as they were concerned.
And with the scandal of 90% of Harvard grads getting "honors," I suspect the Kansans had the better argument. Harvard certainly didn't used to be that way, but I suspect it may be now. It used to be that you worked your butt off there. Perhaps you can coast there, now.
I don't know. I spent four years skiing at Middlebury. And doing considerably less healthy things, come to think of it.
Ideally, I would not want to see any across-the-board dunning for government schools, but I know that will not happen.
But what do you think the state will do in that case, shrug its shoulders and tell the kids to go home? Presumably they'll just start paying the teachers directly.
well yeah, those public schools will go back to being managed by the Board of Education...but the point was more to illustrate that there are problems with privately managed public schools.
I was not trying to imply that NE holds any educationaly superiority, rather that a college degree is more likely to be required of secretaries. Larger pool of College educated means they can pay people seven dollars an hour who have masters degrees...not that people should earn money just because they have a degree, but i think you can understand what i'm getting at.
interesting what you said 'bout your squeeze...my parents wouldn't even let me apply to private Universities..."we can't afford it". Ironically they probably could have afforded it more than state University, but i was the first person in my family to go to college, they had no idea.
anyway...i somewhat agree with Cal on the tax credits to homeschoolers issue...people pay taxes for the common welfare that's part of being a society. I don't like the transferrable tax-credit idea that Cal puts forward though, it will be inequitable. rich people tend to know rich people and poor people tend to know poor people. There are already a multitude of reasons why poor people shouldn't have gobs of kids but they still do. It's not a motivater.
ronski...before i go into it, did you intend to bring grade/highschools into the discussion or was that assumption on my part?
Sure, but so what? The credits would go to everyone.
There are already a multitude of reasons why poor people shouldn't have gobs of kids but they still do.
I was thinking of the working poor, who would be more likely to respond to such motivation, and short-term welfare parents. Welfare parents who have been on aid from birth, no. They're incompetent; the only methods that would work would be paying them to go on birth control--which is a fine idea.
perhaps I'm misunderstanding what you are proposing...landowners would get a tax credit (I'm assuming the amount of this credit would be scaled on the value of the owned properties) which they have to give to a child...essentially a voucher program in which everyone is forced to use it or loose it, even those without children.
before I go further, is this correct?
so let's just say all taxpayers and forget, for the moment, any debate about including non-income earners...do all taxpayers get the same tax credit or is this scaled to income? Is it a use it or lose it type deal, does this tax credit have to be used to for education or does everybody just get the money and can do with it what they want?
Judith,
that's really no different than what we have now, everybody's money gets pooled together and schools get grants based on all the plethora of criteria, not least being need. Creating the pool of credits and accounting for all this adds costs, which I would think ronski and cal would be opposed to...but then what cal appears to be proposing also seems like an administrative nightmare, ultimately decreasing the efficiency of public education funds.
Give all taxpayers a credit for their tax dollars. The taxpayers can give that credit to any kid they like. Poor people could collect credits from friends and family members--and the fewer kids they had, the more they could do with those credits, which would give them a strong incentive to have fewer kids.
...though I can see how my idea would be more like the current situation, whatever that is.
Anyone could give their credit back to the state. But hopefully dirt poor (working) families would see it's pretty stupid to have 7 kids, or even two, after a time.
Betty--the idea behind public education is that everyone benefits from it, so everyone get the same credit.
I was saying *your idea* sounded more like the current system, in which we seem to be in agreement.
Cal,
what exactly is the point of all this bookkeeping and rhetoric if all we are going to do is essentially the same as what we do already? How would what you are describing address the discrepancies of funding received by poor (rural and urban) schools versus rich (suburban) schools? I don't see the advantages...I see a headache that would create more bueracracy (sp?) (though presumably in the private sectors hands) and ultimately leave us with the same mess. Statistically, only the very top private schools seem to be any more successful at educating kids than public schools. Perhaps I'm not really understanding what you are proposing...would you mind spelling it out a little more clearly for me?
(As I've said, I'm really not hostile to privatization, and given that I only have one kid I would probably benefit from this. I really just see this as more government in the long run, and I'm sure that's not what you are proposing, show me what I'm missing. I like the Dutch system which encourages school choice and thus keeps them all, more or less, competitive...Philly has complete school choice within the district, but as I'm sure everyone in the country knows, that hasn't led to improved schools.)
I'm a huge fan of Vonnegut, though I'd guess he wasn't really predicting, rather looking on the past...have you read "The End of Work" by Rifkin? He makes a pretty convincing argument for decreasing work hours, talks about how prior to the end of WWI people favored decreased work hours or rather increased leisure time, instead of increased income.
Reading, Writing...and Retail
This is pretty sad...
when i saw the quote you pulled, I thought perhaps the article would be about consumer education, teaching kids to minimize debt, getting good bargains, etc...but really "better consumers" should have tipped me off.
I believe that real consumer education and media analysis should be taught as a regular course of study to kids. Of course this goes back to my concerns about encouraging critical thinking skills. thinking about this, I need to get the hell out of this country...it makes me nauseous.
In the meantime.....Strict Limits on Welfare Benefits Discourage Marriage, Studies Say
When will the notion of spending large amounts of money to ensure these women don't have any children occur to folks?
Mind you, I'm not against field trips which can be very memorable learning experiences...I still remember the awe I felt at seeing the dinosaur fossils at the museum of natural history...how medieval times were brought home by seeing the suits of armor...the awe of the first mummy I saw...how real astronomy became at the first planetarium show, etc.
But aren't the commercials during the 8 hours a day that kids watch tv enough commercialism? Aren't the many hours idle teens spend hanging out at malls enough? If I were a parent, I'd be up in arms.
at least I took secretarial courses where I was taught how to balance a check book.
yes, most other contries do a better job of keeping thier kids out of the consumer culture at such young ages (let's say under 12)...sometimes because they have intended to do so (like many European countries) and sometimes because children and families don't have extra income so there is no one marketing to them. Either way, yes the US does a shitty ass job of shielding kids from marketers.
have you found a good link highlighting the kind of educational tax-credit you were discussing or do you intend to flesh it out yourself?
I regret to inform you that the privelege of changing thread titles at will is now revoked until further notice. Most of you this will not affect at all so I apologize for the interruption to your thread.
I regret to inform you that the privelege of changing thread titles at will is now revoked until further notice. Most of you this will not affect at all so I apologize for the interruption to your thread.
I was just ranting about this recently. It's a recurring rant for me that kids get out of highschool and have never learned anything about personal finance.
Not how to balance a checkbook, not how to manage a budget, not the different advantages to what one claims on one's W4 forms, not the best ways to save or how much money they'll probably need to save for their future. They certainly don't get told anything about how credit card companies are looking to make a mint off of them by extending more credit than they can handle at exhorbitant rates.
This seems like vital information to me. As Thoughful said, no matter who you are or what you end up doing you will be better off knowing about how to handle your money, even if in the long run you find someone else to do it for you. Perhaps especially then since there's such potential for abuse.
We require four years of PE in which kids generally learn nothing and do nothing but bounce a basketball around a court. How much better that time could be spent learning something useful.
Besides, I don't meet friends who don't know how long it takes them to get somewhere. If I'm leaving LA and I'm meeting you in Vegas tomorrow at 2pm I'm trusting you to get there on your own. Otherwise I'll find playmates and party without you. ;-)
Cheaper than cheap!
Make Jack Benny look like a spendthrift!
Good for your sister but boo on the school for not thinking that all kids should be taught this. Where do they think kids are getting this info? If your parents have money you stand a much better chance of learning about how to handle money. If you're just smart but not wealthy why in the world would you be expected to know what to do with money? Osmosis? Sheesh.
I've only in the last couple of years woken up to smell the coffee about my finances. I never learned any of this stuff. When someone told me that at my age (boy did I love hearing it put THAT way) I should have 6 mos worth of my annual salary in savings I nearly had a heart attack.
I don't have a will. I don't own any property. My finances are so simple that I keep them in my head. Money in, money out. Fortunately there is direct deposit which makes it possible for even total idiots like myself to save money.
So I'm about 10 years behind where I ought to be in financial planning. Better now than 10 years from now, however. You can bet I'll be learning all I can and passing it on to the kids in my family.
I shudder to think what it will say about me.
No family, no will, no problem, as long as you don't care where your assets go. If you care then you do need a will. There's a checklist on the site for estate planning...questions you should be able to answer before you go see a lawyer about drawing up a will. Very nice.
Also, if there's no family, don't worry about life insurance...except maybe to pay for your burial fees. Life insurance is to provide an "instant estate" to families to ease the burden if the primary wage earner dies. A lot of people seem to buy more than needed because they don't understand what it's for.
The only assets I have are my dog and my computer unless I am accidentally killed by a wheat threasher and then my bank will pay my heirs 50K. How in the world I ended up with an accidental death and dismemberment policy I couldn't say.
Presumably, dozens or perhaps hundreds of inmates in those states will now argue that they are retarded . ..
Sounds like something out of the mind of David E. Kelly.
That said, this is consistent with SC's reading of the 8th Amendment over the years. Definition of cruel and unusual seems to rest with the public, not their own sentiments.
If this is the case (and you are proabably correct) it seems as if the Supreme Court has long burdened itself with an amorphous and unwieldy precedent. It would be better that it came out with a set definition of what is unacceptably cruel punishment -- for the sake of the rule of law and all that. Although, I suppose such a tack may may be difficult, given that the "unusual" requirement arguably requires an assessment of public sentiment.
Which reminds me of a New Yorker cartoon, in which one lawyer says to another: "The death penalty may be cruel, but in Texas, at least, its hardly unusual."
The Court says:
"Utah's constitutional claim rests upon the words 'actual Enumeration' as those words appear in the Constitutions Census Clause. That Clause . . . reads as follows:
'Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States according to their respective Numbers counting the whole number of persons in each State. The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct.'
(continued)
"Utah argues that the words 'actual Enumeration' require the Census Bureau to seek out each individual. In doing so, the Bureau may rely upon documentary evidence . . . But [Utah argues] it may not rely upon imputation . . .
"We do not believe the Constitution makes the distinction that Utah seeks to draw. The Constitution's text does not specify any such limitation. Rather the text uses a general word, enumeration, that refers to a counting process without describing the count's methodological details. The textual word actual refers in context to the enumeration that will be used for apportioning the Third Congress, succinctly clarifying the fact that the constitutionally described basis for apportionment will not apply to the First and Second Congresses. The final part of the sentence says that the actual Enumeration shall take place in such Manner as Congress itself shall by Law direct, thereby suggesting the breadth of congressional methodological authority, rather than its limitation. See, e.g., Wisconsin v. City of New York, 517 U.S. 1, 19 (1996)."
So in other words, when the drafters of the Constitution used the phrase "the actual enumeration", they were merely distinguishing (1) the future Congressional apportionment by population count from (2) the initial apportionment or Representatives set out elsewhere in the Article. I seem to recall a legally astute Buckeye making this same point in the Mote some years ago - now who was that?
Kudos.
But what a coincidence that in Will's opinion, the Founding Fathers' intent lined up precisely with the short-term political objectives of the present-day Republican Party. Could anyone have predicted George would say that?
Of course, the pressing need for a so-called "actual enumeration" somehow isn't quite as obvious now that the Government institution involved has changed hands to Republican control. Funny, the same thing happened to "term limits".
Cliffie, of course, will view this as a license to kill.
So Padilla and Hamdi are in detention. Hamdi isn't allowed to speak to his lawyer because he was a combatant and therefore shouldn't be treated as a citizen. (And this doesn't apply to Walker Lind why, exactly?)
At the same time we're trying Moussaoui and Reid in court. But they aren't citizens, so why aren't they in Gitmo?
The whole thing makes very little sense.
The Best Clips
"I don't think she's a bad person," said Terry Vial, Barton's neighbor in the rural community south of here, where the wood and log homes are scattered deep among red rock and pine forest. "I just think she made a mistake that she can't change."
Some of Terry's new friends in Colorado did not take to John Barton, whom they described as a bully when he was drinking.
"Terry was pretty selfless, which led her to living a life that wasn't all it could be," said her close friend Stephanie Howard, a wildlife biologist with the Forest Service.
Howard described John Barton as "a very difficult man to live with." He could be cold and distant. "He didn't know how to love her," Howard said.
The Greatest Line in American Journalism Ever
The night before the fire was ignited, Terry Barton spent the night at Howard's home. Howard felt that her friend was gathering the strength to go through with the divorce. "She was getting close to making some good decisions," Howard said in court proceedings in Denver on Thursday.
Runner-Up
"She's not a man-hater and she's not a wacko," Riebel said. "There's just no extremes. She's just a well-balanced, pleasant person."
Their husbands didn't know how to love them, and the night before, they were getting close to making some good decisions.
Adios.
It was a cleansing fire, into which was thrown the garbage of a bad relationship. At the most, she should get a fine for burning trash without a permit.
Calling Gloria Allred.
...
Any bets on how long before John Barton is The Most Hated Man In America?
Check out today's reports on CNN (law section) - the jury came in with a guilty verdict on the two lebanese brothers prosecuted under the 1996 terrorist law. And the Judge in the Reid case just ruled that Reid's confessions were voluntary and not made under medically constrained circumstances. Doesn't look good for Lindh after this ruling.
This suggests that the hypothesis of the author in your article may be close to the mark. Perhaps the government was waiting to see how these early cases moved through the court system before charging others. The procedural hurdles the government can overcome in the Lindh case will probably be critical to illuminating how the rest of those currently detained over at Quantanamo Bay will be handled.
It also seems increasingly clear that the government has showed a lack of foresight in their handling of these detainees. I agree with the author that their response seems to be by the seat of their pants. Certainly it is now apparent that the government had no well-formed plan when they began these internments and didn't put a lot of forethought into what possible problems could develop.
I also seem to have missed that they excluded Americans from the military tribunal process in order to get Congressional backing. In hindsight that seems particularly short-sighted, doesn't it?
Sorry...minor rant.
I’m just glad I didn’t have to sit on the jury.
See, this is why I could never do criminal law. I don't care about insanity or premedication. There is nothing that can balance out killing her five children, and I'm particularly suspicious of delusional claims about Satan. No, I want her dead. Just good old fashioned retribution.
Cal,
If you read the Cnn law article on the lebanese brother's verdict don't miss the gem about one of the government's informants. He apparently was just as guilty only he agreed to cooperate in return for his family being brought from Lebanon to the US.
Now, will someone please tell me why terrorists who want to destroy the US still want to bring their families over here? God help us.
I hope the government reneges on the deal.
My comment doesn't make sense otherwise because I certainly do care about premeditation. In fact, I think she cold bloodedly killed her children and then got "insane."
Of course, one must accept as a basic premise that people can kill children and still not be insane, something that's inherently hard to understand. But at least legally she wasn't insane regardless of how wacked out the act was to begin with.
Oh absolutely. I think Susan Smith deserved the death penalty … she was clearly fully cognizant of her actions and their import.
Yates on the other hand, I’m not as sure. I don’t believe we should be executing psychotics who committed their crime while in the throes of a psychotic episode.
My dilemma comes from the fact that her medical record is not clear … she was on medication usually used to treat psychotic episodes yet the rest of her treatment was not the usually psychotic protocol.
So I am left unsure of my opinion.
Here's my take on feminism and its backlash.
I think that feminism arose not because women all of a sudden woke up in the 60's and 70's, but because society had been changing and the laws hadn't kept up. Similarly, women didn't just decide one day that they were going to enter the workforce -- changes in technology and medicine set the stage.
With the introduction of birth control, the electric range, and washers and dryers, women found themselves with more time on their hands. They didn't have as many children and caring for a home and children was no longer as much work as it used to be.
The introduction of these new products and other improvements in lifestyle, such as automobiles raised expectations as well -- what were once luxuries became necessities. Providing these luxuries required more income and helped get women into the workplace for what used to be seen as supplementing the family income.
I suspect that womens' entry into the workplace and higher divorce rates fed each other to a certain degree. Now that women had incomes, they weren't as dependant on the male as breadwinner anymore, plus the increased social interaction for women had the effect of raising expectations and putting more temptation in the way of both men and women.
With women working outside the home, there was bound to be pressure to redistribute the workload within the home. This also lead to tugging and hauling between men and women as they struggled to accommodate themselves to new norms and expectations.
Frankly, when you consider that these changes have really only been going on for the past 100 years or so and that the changes have really only started picking up speed in the past 50 years with the introduction of the birth control pill, it's understandable that there is still alot of friction and adjustment going on.
Me, too. My disappointment was mitigated by the fact that I was extremely concerned the jury wouldn't even find her guilty. It's sad that I had to worry about that, but the first verdict was definitely a WHOOOOHOOOO! moment.
He apparently was just as guilty only he agreed to cooperate in return for his family being brought from Lebanon to the US.
arrrrgggghh.
And I agree with concerned on this one; she's a grownup. If she had more kids than she wanted (which is hardly a given), it's her own fault and nobody else's. Not only is she a grownup, but she was a nurse; I'm quite sure she is aware of how to prevent having kids.
That was my whole basis for considering anyone else responsible for what happened in the Yates case, not the fact they had more children or any of their family decisions. What I read led me to the conclusion that she was showing enough signs of the onset of very severe mental illness that she shouldn't have been left alone with the children, and probably should have been institutionalized. Her husband blames her doctors, but he has the ultimate responsibility of taking charge when he sees his wife's insanity returning, with symptoms which he has clearly shown he was familiar with already.
(cont)
I think some of the problem is the tendency to lean too much on drugs to "fix" the illness, giving them time to work and using therapy to determine their effect and adjust them, whereas that process used to be done within a psychiatric institution, and when the patient showed the right responsiveness to the drug and enough improvement he or she was sent home and a loved one helped see that the drugs were taken correctly and monitored for problems. But being institutionalized for mental illness carries a stigma for a lot of people. Taking a medication and attending therapy for any mental or emotional illness generally doesn't. This leads more people to get help when they need it, I think, which is good, but it leaves the relatively few people with severe mental illness less subject to aggressive intervention if it becomes necessary.
The only interest it held for me outside the horror of the story itself and the unfathomable act was whether something could have been or should have been done beforehand that might have made a difference, based on what they knew about her at the time, or whether it will affect how psychiatrists deal with similar mental cases in the future.
The level of ignorance concerning mental illness encapsulated in this quote is astounding.
Psychosis almost always has an organic cause. You get "driven" into psychosis. You don't catch it from living with a nut job. It's a disease ... certainly more of a disease than drug or alcohol addiction. Blaming Rusty Yates for Andrea Yates crimes is as hideously ignorant as the past "wisdom" of blaming aloof mothers for schizophrenia.
Note: I have no idea what happened to #3358. I didn't move or delete it.
Feel free to delete this explanation and/or correct it. ;-)
They are a substantial problem, though. Murder-suicide involving men killing their wives and themselves is so common in the US it often doesn't even make the headlines.
Before I head out the door, I'm wondering where people came up with the gender stereotype that women are the ones who are slow getting ready to go somewhere.
It was started by the Fraternal Order of Time Keepers: Special Division of the Oppressive Patriarchy.
Keepers: Special Division of the Oppressive
Patriarchy
Hah. Evidence that I'm really a man and have dated curiously masculine looking women.
Did you actually read the book or is that something someone told you it said?
but I lost the tune with ... the introduction of birth control, the electric range, and washers and dryers, women found themselves with more time on their hands
as a major force in the feminist movement.
Sure, some of the removal of drugery left time for new endeaging, and I don't care to nurse/teach/take dicktation from some butt-rashed whiny man, so I'll do something I enjoy. I'm not explaining myself well, but I think it was a conscious choice from women aware of the winds of change, and not so much the effect of idle hands.
And RustlerPike, just for you, easier divorce laws were instituted by men, when other factors are accounted for, including high pollen counts.
Sure, some of the removal of drugery left time for new endeavors. And some women said hey I'm not married, the status quo is changing, and I don't care to nurse/....
Where was all this concern when women were the ones not developing the skill sets needed for the future?
I think that there were fewer options available -- factory work, secretary, nurse, teacher, cashier, that sort of thing. I recall when we first moved to Virginia back in 68 that the "Help Wanted" ads in the news were divided into jobs for men and jobs for women with litte stick figures at the top of the column.
And I do think that women having more time on their hands was a significant part of the pressure to increase opportunities for women. Being able to control the number of children, for example. Before birth control child bearing and raising was spread over a greater portion of women's adult life. And not only did more children require more of womens' time, but running a household was a great deal more time consuming. Imagine doing laundry with a wringer washer and hanging it outside to dry for a family of 7 -- at LEAST a full day's work. Imagine having to build a fire before you could make coffee. Indoor running water and electricity were relatively rare features in most houses until after the turn of the century.
Absolutely, I agree that when women started joining the workforce in greater numbers, their expectations increased. Most of the women that I know expect to work full-time jobs for the better part of their lives. If I expect to spend most of my life in the workforce, then I want opportunities for advancement.
But women have been better represented in colleges since the eighties, so it seems a bit passe to talk as if this situation is a fluke we can safely ignore.
Precisely. Feminism would never have gotten anywhere without cooperation from men. That's why it's so fucking easy to knock down.
A lot of the disparity between men and women in higher education seems to be because men in two large minority groups (Hispanics and Blacks) are severely underrepresented.
Surely, I can stir your liberal impulses by pointing out that correcting this problem is not so much a victory for men as it is a victory for racial justice.
First, the gender gap between men and women is not very new if you examine particular levels of educational attainment over the last 130+ years. Literacy rates have been fairly equal among boys and girls from at least the early 19th century. However, before the onset of public schools, there was a significant gap in girls and boys level of attainment, tilted toward boys. (Although let's not forget that formal educational attainment was not plentiful among any youth prior to this period.) The gender attainment gap began to shrink significantly soon after public schools swept the nation, and by about the 1850's the gap wasn't between the sexes it was between urban and rural.
Second, when public high schools began to emerge, it was girls who had the highest attendance and graduation rates. In fact, Boston closed it's first public high school in the late 1820's precisely because it was overwhelmingly attended by girls. By the end of the century (19th), the majority of youth attending public high schools were girls and had, on average (for those who did attend schools), higher levels of educational attainment through high school. This trend has carried over into the 20th century: girls generally have higher HS graduation rates than boys.
con't
It's really been a recent phenomena that a college degree was expected for success. Even now, a majority of students do not acheive a college degree. A college degree is not a requirement for a middle-class lifestyle, despite popular perceptions. Skilled trades still make a nice living. And the skilled trades are still pretty segregated by gender.
I made the calculation a few years after graduating high school that I HAD to have a college degree to earn anything more than a subsistance living. My husband gave college a try but preferred making money and followed his interest as a mechanic. My brother almost finished a college degree, but perfers working as a carpenter. Both make a decent living. Both with their highschool dipolomas make more than I do with my master's degree.
Researchers say the growing disparity between the sexes reflects not just the increasing success of women but also the educational problems of men, who account for 51 percent of the nation's college-age population. High school graduation rates for men are now slightly lower than those for women, and male students make up the vast majority of those enrolled in special education classes.
Whoever these researchers are, they aren't very good. Go to the NCES and look at historical graduation rates for boys and girls and you'll find that girls have had slightly higher graduation rates for a long time now.
That women have been more educated than men is not a significant social issue, since it's been around for at least a century for most below the college level.
However, it has long been an issue that boys make up the majority of the special education population. This is primarily because special education is used as a behavior control mechanism rather than its original purpose. Once we went on a war to eliminate drop outs, the special education population began to rise. I see this as more of a failure to educate than a sudden increase in learning disabled children (particularly boys).
Here's someone you can befriend:
"I hesitate to say this, but it seems that women have an orientation not only toward achievement, but also toward being good and pleasing others," said Linda Sax, a UCLA education professor
It's that simple, people. Women good, men bad.
Which is why eight medium built Arabs could knock down the World Trade Center with box cutters.
As Bubbaette illustrates above, men still have more non-college high paying job options than women, mostly in the trades and manual labor occupations. And as men's competitive edge in the white collar professions has declined (due to anti-discriminatory laws and policies), the lure of a college degree has fallen for men.
I might add that one of the main reasons girls were the overwhelming graduates of the first public high schools was because employment opportunities were plentiful for young men (youths) at that time, and they found school a waste of their time.
Well, at least the article ends with a voice of reason.
Well, when you put it that way...see how good and compliant I can be? ;-)
I agree with Bubbaette; men have more opportunities to make money without a degree. Two examples from my own life: my son, who works for Lockheed and makes a small fortune designing tools, and my mechanic. In my next life, I plan on being a Jaguar mechanic...retiring at 40 after 22 years of lucrative labor.
Let men be the working grunts, you say, eh?
And the only reason men used to get educations is because they had an advantage over women. But now that they don't - well, they know their place.
I mean really, if no man but me is going to object to this shit, I'm wasting my time in this forum.
You might have noticed that there were huge initiatives that changed that lack of focus. There was concern and the concerns were answered. Surely we aren’t expected to make the same stupendous errors again solely in the name of regressive retribution?
That's why it's so fucking easy to knock down.
Oh horse hockey. The real issue now is that Men’s organizations are never going to move forward as aq political lobby until they stop pissing off women like me who are receptive to their message but have no deserve to be called names because I have tits.
the men are depressed, confused, and can hardly tell the time of day, much less study for four or eight years, subjected as they are to femmie torture from birth.
Did you sleep through MIT’s posts above that noted that there has always been a gender discrepancy in education? Did you note that these differences have existed long before any social movement started that you could possibly label as femmi torture? Do you ever post anything of substance or thought?
but have no deserve should have read have no desire
Baloney. Women can just as easily become mechanics, plumbers, carpenters, etc. Apparently they don’t choose to.
Disparity in numbers does not automatically equate discrimination … that goes for women in plumbing and boys in school.
Oh, it has to be a man does it? So a woman objecting to this “shit” won’t do the trick huh?
Jesus, I was just making a comment, not trying to start a revolution. I didn't mean they have more opportunities than women just that they do have various opportunities these days...maybe more that they once had. Sure, women can be mechanics and whatever they want to be; I wasn't saying they couldn't.
And I wasn't advocating that we make men second class sitizens just because women were slighted before...and yes, I have noticed steps were taken that changed the lack of focus. I was just making an observation. Really.
I don't know, that may be true now. Back in the late 70's I had been working with my ex doing electrician's work and was on my way to taking the "apprentice" test. I applied to several firms in my area for work but was told that they didn't hire women. One firm suggested that I look into firms with government contracts that needed to show that they didn't discriminate.
Also when I was in public school, vocational education was highly segregated -- shop for guys, home ec for the gals. There was a big brouhaha when a girl wanted to take shop. The drafting classes were the first to allow girls, and that was while I was still in school.
Trade Unions also control access to the trades in many states and they have been loathe to accept women. Our states' apprenticeship program just began doing outreach to girls in the mid-1980's.
In short, while the landscape may be changing, I don't think it's fair to say that females have just as much access to the skilled trades as males do.
No, it won't.
So in your world men can only compete if they are given an advantage? I'm glad that the men in my life are not such fragile flowers.
1. The trend of females finishing highschool at a higher rate than males is long standing -- it is not a recent phenomenon that has emerged since the 1970's.
2. Until the early part of the 20th century, women were not accepted at most of the nation's colleges, so there is no way of knowing how women would have performed relative to men.
3. The prevalence of males in special education has more to do with drives to reduce the indidence of drop outs than it does with men getting dumber. In the past, people who did not perform well in school or were not interested did not stay in school.
4. One of the reasons that females were more like to attain higher grade levels than males is because males were more likely to take a job before finishing school whereas job opportunities were not as open to girls (not to mention that it was not as much expected of them.)
I don't see how your "mocking" has anything to do with the substance of MsIT's post.
When I was in school in India, there was no question but to accept my second-rate academic status. The top 5, often the top 10 students at the primary and most of the econdary level were always girls. The situation started to change a bit in higher secondary and college, where boys infiltrated the top ranks, but the preponderance was female. I accepted it as a fact of life.
In the US, in high school, I was genuinely shocked to find that the situation was reversed, not only were boys at the top but I too managed a place with less effort than you'd imagine.
I have no idea what lesson that experience teaches.
In any case, we all live under a tyranny of those with power. Unless you manage to be Bill Gates or somesuch, you have to deal with people who have a hold on you, your life, your personal trajectory. In this metier, I have always found it preferable to have women in immediate positions of power over me rather than men.
I'm all for it, Spike, I have zero reasons to prefer men, and experience has taught me in these USA that men are more likely to feel threatened (for no good reason whatsoever) by me than a solid, reasonable, woman. The situation is even starker and less favorable to me in Europe and India (I've worked in both).
I'm inclined to be indulgent, and also quite open to whatever he has to say.
That's a problem. But it's not the problem that Summers is wailing about.
I disagree that women have fewer opportunities than men in the trades. Women don't choose the trades; if they want a non-college job they tend to go with those that have a low barrier to entry: secretary, receptionist, retail.
I really, honestly, do not see a down side in women's emancipation.
Of course, my position is buttressed on a global level by every Human development study ever done. Women's empowerment is a cornerstone to a healthy society and economic growth, in every country, in every example you can find.
Spike, whose arguments I will always listen to, finds that this process can go too far. I don't see why, and have exactly no evidence, anecdotal or other, to support his angle.
It's a bit like the growing pains in countries transitioning to democracy. The best solution almost always is even more democracy. In this instance, I see the solution as being even more emancipation until the playing field is totally levelled.
Architecture, 4.2, 40.7
Business Mgmt, 9.1, 48.5
Engineering, 0.8, 16.9
HomeEc, 97.3, 88.6
Law, Legal Studies, 5.0, 71.8
Education, 74.5, 75.2
Physical Sciences, 13.8, 38.4
Liberal Arts, 33.6, 64.3
Psychology, 44.4, 74.4
It's probably some of each. I consider myself to be mid-career now at the age of 45. During my formative years women who had an interest in the trades were actively discouraged and even prohibited from certain vocational programs. Just 25 years ago I found that employers refused to even entertain the notion of hiring females in the trades. Old habits die hard.
But there is also some truth to the fact that women aren't as interested in the trades. As I recall, guidance counselors had the job of fitting non-college-bound students into a vocational program. Men were steered into the trades and females were not. So which came first, the chicken or the egg?
It's very simple; your post needs to contain more than just name calling, insults or attacks.
It might be helpful to stop basing your opinions on your experiences of 25 years ago.
It is fairly obvious that women still begin with the premise that they don't have to work, won't have to support a family, and will be able to drop out of the job market in order to stay home with their kids. I would start with that basic reality, because I think it all makes sense from there.
Median income of male with bachelor degree, $47,325; median income of female with doctorate degree, $46,499.
Median income of male high school graduate, $27,240; median income of male with some college, no degree, $32,724; median income of female with bachelor's degree, $28,594.
Median income of male with professional degree, $81,934; median income of female with professional degree, $45,510.
I don't usually resort to single-line insults, but MsIt's gross brand of man-hatred makes me puke. We've managed to avoid each other for two years or so, after having one of the Mote's (Fray's?) ugliest meltdowns ever. I'm not sure why we've crossed paths again. I never used to see her in the threads I frequented, and I never frequented hers.
Even with all of these changes, barring divorce, most women - even most professional women - will eventually take the role of the income-dependent, primary child-giver. But having had previous professional experience, they will still be forces in the market economy, and they will bring a new skill set to child-rearing and community building.
I'm sure they bring negatives as well - the strains of late child-bearing and the idolization of "the child" come to mind - but such is life.
You counter that women aren't interested in that kind of work. But since when do highschooler's have their life's work planned out? More likely they are steered into certain vocations by teachers, parents, guidance counselors and, yes, personal interest.
Certainly 25 years ago there was an assumption (at least more than there is today) that women wouldn't necessarily work. That assumption proved to be faulty for the majority of women.
I still maintain that the trades are relatively hostile to women. Suppose you wish to enter into the trades -- who's going to be making the hiring decision? Probably people who are mid-career -- the ones who grew up during the time when no women need apply, who have no experience working with women on the job site. Twenty-five years is nothing on a social scale, and it's going to take longer than 25 years to fully open the relatively closed ranks of the skilled trades.
Well, those stats are a relief. Women are still as full of shit as always, and men still outearn them drastically. Those articles gave me a scare, there, for a while. Stats will do that to you, sometimes.
Women can all go become lawyers, for all I care. Women are lawyers, for chrissake. They are the smarmy, lying gender, no doubt about it.
Half the reason women used to go to college was to meet men. I still think it's half the reason, only now it's to meet men and bust their balls, or to meet men and screw them for child support, rather than to meet men and live their lives with them.
My guess is the trades may open a tad more, but equality is as much a pipe dream there as in the ranks of firefighters, police, etc.
Until they change the divorce laws so that they don't favor women so strongly, this is true. But given how unfair they are to men (and through his lunacy, RP is correct on this one), I wouldn't count on it.
It also has to do with the majors they chose.
Looking at the stats in Message # 3413 the majors women dominate simply aren't as lucrative as the majors they don't dominate.
Part of income is the value that society places on that occupation. Granted... things like education should be funded better, but you shouldn't go into education with a PhD or otherwise and think you're going to be making anywhere close what a PhD in engineering makes... or a lucrative business career.
Looking at median incomes is meaningless across majors.
I don't mind women getting educations, or having jobs, or having well-paying jobs.
I mind that men are getting castrated, demeaned, demolished and buttfucked just to make this possible.
Read this for starters. There's tons more where it came from. What I despise about the women's movement is that it has to lie, lie, lie all the time, that it's become nothing more than one big war against men, rather than a struggle for anything (not even for the good of women, if you ask me).
The manifestation of this in The Mote is the Powers' refusal to even give me a thread in which to discuss this obviously critically important - deadly important - issue freely. For years, this subject has been suppressed. Whenever I broach it - I get deleted, thrown from thread to thread, etc.
1) I whipped through your link. I find it addresses arguments that have not been made, either here or by any reasonable person I've encountered.
2) I seriously doubt there is any conspiracy to deny you a thread. Put together a viable case, I'd be happy to support it even though I am aware that (a) few people here actually want to discuss the matter and (b) you are not likely to be balanced in hosting, though (c) your record in the I/P thread has been good and thus worth rewarding.
Bull, you are completly free to discuss it at will here. Just avoid posts like the one mentioned above and you'll be fine.
Try expanding your abilites ... argue the point instead of insulting the audience.
Actually, two-thirds or more of all divorces involving couples with children are initiated by mothers, not fathers.
This is the only Bad Rap from the link above I take issue with. It confuses two concepts; initiating the legal process of divorce and the personal behaviors that ended the marital relationship.
It is no doubt that women initiate the legal proceedings more than men simply because women have more to gain by quickly getting the legal process going. They are acting as self-interested parties, which has nothing to do with evil, femmie torture and everything to do with being human.
The real issue here is that the family court system needs to correct current inequities that cause irreparable harm to the father/child bond.
As far as what ended the divorce, my professional experience tells me that most couples are equally culpable in destroying a marriage.
My guess, based on observing your participation here, is that you are a skilled manipulator, and that those men rightly recognized this and reacted in their own self-interest, while women didn't. The fact that your manipulation isn't particularly malevolent is rather beside the point. You would, of course, prefer bosses you can manipulate to those you can't. That is quite a reasonable position for you to take.
I have found there to be no particular advantage or disadvantage to have either a male or female boss. Competence and kindness seem to be completely independent variables from gender, in my experience in the workplace.
As a computer security specialist without a B.A., I make about twice what my wife makes as a teacher with an MA. On the other hand, she has more than twice as much job satisfaction. I had more job satisfaction when I worked in national security, but it paid much less. I get a lot of satisfaction from the fact that I can pay my daughter's college expenses. My son will be going into the military because he can't stand school. It won't pay much, but I think he will enjoy the life-style. There are lots of tradeoffs people make that have nothing to do with gender discrimination.
I have no idea exactly what you're trying to say wrt manipulation. I'm fairly transparent in my actions both here and in any workplace, but certainly I have a sense of my self interest.
I've found that the women I've dealt with in senior positions are less concerned about status issues than the men, better at accepting criticism, etc.
I thought I was quite transparent in what I said. What about it is unclear?
I'm fairly transparent in my actions both here and in any workplace, but certainly I have a sense of my self interest.
I wouldn't expect you to say anything else.
I've found that the women I've dealt with in senior positions are less concerned about status issues than the men, better at accepting criticism, etc.
I'm sure they also respond well to your telling them so. I know I would respond well if you told me I was less concerned with status issues than other bosses, and better accepting of criticism.
I do my best work under women.
3444. stostosto - 6/25/02 5:38:18 PM
Women do their best work under me.
These seem to me to be equally sexist statements.
Not that there is anything wrong with that. Being a sexist is just another life-style choice.
Disparity in numbers does not automatically equate discrimination…that goes for women in plumbing and boys in school.
I agree that disparity in numbers does not automatically equate discrimination. women make up about 16% of the trades, however that figure can be misleading and I do think there is discrimination/assumptions in the trades. Women tend to be concentrated in the more "artsy" trades...glaziers, cabinet makers, tile/flooring, decorative ironworking. this is for several reasons but the ones i think are most relevant is that women are told they are better at that sort of thing and men don't believe women are capable of doing the job, especially the hard labor. Even when women are on laborer crews they are flag people (the lowest paying job on a construction site, even apprentices make more).
It is still very hard for women to get in the trades, it is expected that you be "really good", ie. better than the men and it's still harder for women to get apprentice gigs. You also can't discount the fact that women just aren't encouraged to be part of that culture. Fathers don't usually say to their daughters, come help me fix the car, or come help me put up this wall. My dad did and i'm still at a disadvantage over most of the guys my age.
Beyond the cultural expectations there is real harrassment of women on work sites. A woman has to have a very thick skin to get through it, and foremen just say "that's part of the job".
Are women capable of getting into the trades? yes, but it's a much tougher road than it is for their male peers and they tend to get ghettoized. there is still a lot of work to be done on that front.
Anyone want to guess the second?
Teacher? No.
Secretary? No.
Nurse? No.
It's Witch!
But see, my problem is that I find the above reasoning no more or less compelling than women don't work those jobs because they don't want to.
In fact, because I believe that women are fully capable of acting as self-interested agents, the there is a stronger likelihood that they choose things that they want as opposed to choosing things others want.
Maybe after Al Qaeda pulls its next stunt you guys and gals will be even more receptive to the idea of a Secret War on Men thread.
Wtf, as they say.
1) Those women who aggrandize overly aggressive and nasty behaviour by styling themselves as "strong women" determined to succeed in a sexist world. In my experience, "strong woman" is often simply a euphemism for hellacious bitch.
2) Those women who complain that men in general oppress women with unrealistic expectations of the ideal female body shape. I think it pretty transparent that men are rather democratic in our lusts -- we generally like women of all shapes and sizes and are hardly secretive of this fact. I suppose the abundance of media waifs places some pressure on women to be ultra-skinny, but I don't think the ordinary male can be blamed for this phenomenon. Most straight men don't restrict their desires to waifs or require that their beloved be built like a supermodel and women who believe this to be the case are deluding themselves. ...
4) Those women who talk as if women have some sort of monopoly on compassion and kindness. Some women are compassionate and capable of terriffic kindness. Some are not. Ditto for men. The notion that women are, in general, kinder and more compassionate than men is a myth.
Only if I've gone completely insane and imagine there really is even a slight chance that the two have anything to do with the other.
Having said that, what wrong with the conversation as it is going here?
Who doesn’t? But I’m an Equal Opportunity Intolerant … I’m just as annoyed by guys who huff and puff that women like Christina Hoff Sommers are traitors to their gender and obvious women-haters.
What do you think of the fact that marriage has become such a shitty deal for men - a contract one enters for life, but with a 40% or 50% chance of having your children taken from you a few years down the line, and you still paying as if you were married, but getting nothing at all from your wife?
What do you think of the ease with which fathers are separated from their children, and children from their DADDIES?
Isn't that sad?
Both suicides and murders are down in the US.
The conversation would be a lot better if I could link to all the relevant articles and discussions and fora and data and present my case cogently, but evidently you feel threatened by this possibility so we'll let it slide, right?
I guess that means women have a 50-60% chance of losing their children, correct?
What do you think of the ease with which fathers are separated from their children, and children from their DADDIES?
That’s the true issue in my opinion. It is just well past time that the default custody arrangement is presumptive joint physical custody.
Do read this if you find the time:
What are the statistics? According to a 1999 surgeon general's report, suicide is the eighth leading cause of death in America, with men four times more likely to kill themselves than women.
The prevalence of male suicide is not restricted to North America. An Australian study offered similar statistics. Of 2,683 suicides in Australia in 1998, 2,150 were males, making suicide the second leading cause of death among 25- to 44-year-old men. The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare reports that the suicide rate for men aged 20 to 39 years has risen by 70 percent over the last two decades.
Statistics from Ireland and the United Kingdom indicate rates of male suicide as high as five times that of women. Indeed, a recent study found that suicide was the leading cause of death for Irish men between 15-34 years old.
The research also points to a probable cause. According to sociologist Augustine Kposow of the University of California at Riverside, divorce and loss of children is a factor. "As far as the [divorced] man is concerned, he has lost his marriage and lost his children and that can lead to depression and suicide," Kposow advises.
I promised not to call people 'dense' so I won't. Plus, I think you're being purposely dense.
marriage is a shitty deal for most anyway...mainly because of the blind faith in this idea of courtly love and eternal bonds of fidelity. there are a few ways people deal with this problem...the relationship can work because of mutual comfort (very rare), the relationship can be ended (very common), the relationship can become flexible (much TOO rare), or the relationship can stay as is but with an undercurrent of anxiety and unhappiness (most common).
love does not imply ownership and love is not quantitatively limited. flexibility is the way to adapt.
Men who talk nonsense annoy me also. (Not that those who criticise Sommers are necessarily talking nonsense. I don't know enough about her viewpoint to comment on the validity of opinions about her views.)
Rustler,
I will comment on your questions in a few minutes. I have to step out briefly.
i do think a lot of it is a matter of choice, women don't want to be perceived as a dyke, and they don't want to have to work harder than the men and they don't want to have to put up with what would elsewhere be considered harrassment.
My concern is more how do we make the trade environment more conducive to women making that very sensible choice, how do we dispell the myths that labor makes a woman less feminine. and it's not just men's attitudes that I'm talking about.
I agree with the assumption that women are capable of thinking and acting for their own self-interest, but I'm also not going to pretend that social pressures don't influence perceived self-interest. It's more complex than one or the other. and acting in a way that counters social pressures is often damaging to an individual and must be weighed in with the other factors of one's self-interest.
does that make sense?
Nope. Aside from the fact that "gender/marriage" problem is a conflation error in the first place, the notion that the problem is that the rules of marriage are too inflexible is exactly opposite of the case. The point of marriage is to bring order and stability to the essentially fluid and amorphous feelings and behaviors of human beings. If the natural fickleness, moodiness, inconstancy and selfishness that men and women are naturally inclined to is preferable to the honorable, structured, enduring and priggish nature of life-long exclusive partnership, there is no need for marriage at all.
if it weren't for this possessiveness that's rooted in "all-or-nothing" monogamy,
This is not true. Philanderers are just as possessive as the strictest of monogamists.
perhaps these alleged suicides would all but disappear.
These suicides are quite real.
there is a high rate of divorce because people believe what they were told and they find it wasn't
true.
Nope. The rate of divorce is high because people believe what they want to believe, instead of what time and practice have shown to be true.
marriage is a shitty deal for most anyway
Other than that it statistically makes you live longer, happier and healthier and wealthier, with more successful children.
That's the responsibility of the individual, not society.
I'm talking about sub-conscious influence not overt. Society, for a number of reasons is absolutely responsible for helping to foster positive living, however; that does not dismiss the primacy of personal responsibility.
No man is an island and all that crap.
Your Message # 3455 I don't like, your Message # 3465 I do like.
So there you have it.
Godless's Message # 3467 is exactly what comes out the other end when a not-particularly-discerning mind is fed femmie propaganda since childhood. How does one deprogram such minds, I wonder?
EXACTLY! that's my point! it is an external imposition on human nature...it is a morally-induced set of rules that serve little more than to continue the perpetuation of certain things (for one, the subjugation of wives as property). and since people have been taught to treat partners like property, they have to find some contractual way to keep their property their own. your idea of marriage is like fighting the natural urges of a woman by giving her a chastity belt...it's like fighting the natural urges of a man by castrating him. forcing ourselves to live in a way that is not natural to us is so typical of humans and is the reason why we have so much shit in our lives...despite the "live longer, healthier, etc."
and the reason the unmarried don't live longer, etc., is because society makes it seem like a problem and treats them as such...singles get pressured to be married, are considered less valid, and these social pressures cause all kinds of consternation and anxieties. happy people don't rape, happy people don't go on shooting rampages or chop up victims and leave them in freezers, etc..
don't ignore the fact that the institution of marriage was designed by, and is marketed by, people who want to control the morality of people.
Batting .500!
My concern is more how do we make the trade environment more conducive to women making that very sensible choice, how do we dispell the myths that labor makes a woman less feminine. and it's not just men's attitudes that I'm talking about.
But why should I care about this? Feminism is based on the assumption that men have to take care of women's interests. Why should we, for chrissake? Why can't we be selfish like you guys are? Why? What makes you think we have to be these chivalrous knights, always making room for you wherever you want it?
Your whole femmie movement is so gallingly narcissistic. The Vagina Monologues, The Areola Dialogues, The Butthole Speeches. Who cares? I'm talking to you about people killing themselves because their children have been taken away from them, and you're munching on about women in the trades... who the fuck cares anymore? Maybe you do - why should the men care though?
There was an article someone wrote in one of the men's movement mags which explained this selfishness in evolutionary terms: back in prehistory, women were the ones who stayed behind with the children while the men went a-hunting. Thus, it made sense that they would see things selfishly, or in terms of what was best for them and their children, and not in terms of overall responsibility for the entire family or tribe.
No, it is the opposite of your point.
it is an external imposition on human nature...
Externally imposed by whom, oh godless one?
it is a morally-induced set of rules that serve little more than to continue the perpetuation of certain things
such as civilization, safety and a happy citizenry
(for one, the subjugation of wives as property).
Nonsense; it has exactly the opposite effect.
and since people have been taught to treat partners like property,
They are not. It is their nature to treat others as their property. It is civilization and its constraints that teaches them otherwise.
they have to find some contractual way to keep their property their own.
This is a self-contradictory idea. If they are actually taught that their partners are their property, they don't need a contract: You don't need a contract to keep your shoes.
your idea of marriage is like fighting the natural urges of a woman by giving her a chastity belt...
My "idea of marriage" is what marriage is. And again, it is the opposite of a chastity belt, which is an externally imposed constraint. It is, in fact, a self-imposed constraint.
it's like fighting the natural urges of a man by castrating him.
As if men would put up with that. If that were what marriage were like, there would be no marriage at all.
forcing ourselves to live in a way that is not natural to us is so typical of humans
Yes, that is what makes the species both interesting and dominant. We no longer live in caves nor bash anyone not of our tribe.
It is the reason we don't have so much shit in our lives.
despite the "live longer, healthier, etc."
You mean, "despite all of the objective evidence".
and the reason the unmarried don't live longer, etc., is because society makes it seem like a problem
No, the problem is that selfishness is not as productive a strategy as cooperaration.
I disagree that marriage is cooperative instead of selfish. It is both parties acting in their perceived self-interest.
This is untrue. Feminism is based on the assumption that we need to redesign the world in order to protect women's interests regardless of the moronic decisions they make while demanding their right to be equal.
That's not true either. Feminism is based on the assumption that society should not be structured in such a way as to promote the interests of one gender over another.
Second, feminism is premised on the assumption that society is structured to promote the interests of men. Consequently, they feel no need to establish this beyond any doubt before they demand the restructure of society.
It's possible to argue that the breakdown of monogamy in the 20th century is, in part, due to women's greater economic, political and social freedoms. However, I think the verdict is still out on whether it no longer serves its basic purpose (protection and assurance of successful survival of offspring).
It's also certainly true that marriage is significantly beneficial to men as well as women. Women, of course, obtain protection and support for their offspring, and assurance of financial security. Married men, as several studies have now shown, live longer, live healthier lives (are better taken care of), and are happier (measured someway) than those who remain unmarried.
Cal,
I think you misunderstand what I am saying...I said personal responsibility is primary. As a society we do have responsibilities to one another and I think one of those responsibilities is trying to create an equitable society...so that no one has it "over" anyone else because of arbitrary (race, gender, so, class, etc.) factors.
I don't think we need to be protected from "reality" or from the consequences of our actions, if that were the topic at hand I would be enraged. But you are operating from the assumption that cultural and personal responsibility are mutually exclusive, I don't see it that way...it's a two-pronged attack. there aren't that many areas where I would whine about women not getting a fair shake (in fact I have often brought up the fact that working class women are more likely to go to college than working class men, the linked article was not news to me), however I know a fair amount about women in the trades, having considered a career in them and having a few friends who are tradeswomen, women are actually and really descriminated against in the trades. It's not as easy as it might seem to women who have never worked in them, but have worked in other fields that are historically male dominated.
You can assume that married men are better taken care of? I don't see how. I've yet to be convinced this isn't selection bias. I also have never bought off on "happiness" measurements.
Besides, all of those studies for both men and women assume the marriage lasts. Couple the costs of divorce in with the benefits of a marriage that lasts and I'm not sure the bennies will be all that noticeable.
Thus, it made sense that they would see things selfishly, or in terms of what was best for them and their children, and not in terms of overall responsibility for the entire family or tribe.
I know you have your reasons for that viewpoint, but I think the opposite view is also held. Many cultures have an disposition for individuals to worry more about the collective than themselves.
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Message # 3476
I disagree that marriage is cooperative instead of selfish.
I think (a working) marriage is both a selfish and selfless act. On the one hand you are doing selfish things like fulfilling emotional needs, ensuring your DNA contiues, and having someone there when your sick etc...
...but on the other hand you have to give up a lot too. Everything you do has to encorporate this other person somehow. As someone who really values private time.. this is quite a significant sacrifice. Also you often have to make compromises in your values...
I think you misunderstand what I'm saying. I disagree with your entire premise, which is pretty run of the mill NOW rhetoric. More than disagree with it, actually. I find it utterly contemptible.
. But you are operating from the assumption that cultural and personal responsibility are mutually exclusive
They are. The law and personal responsibility aren't exclusive. But don't confuse the law with "culture".
You can assume that married men are better taken care of? I don't see how.
I suppose that wording was imprecise, although one of the main functions of women in marriage has been family care and well being. However, what I meant was that studies show men are healthier within a marriage than outside, on average, particularly as they age.
Generally, measures show, that men eat healthier when married, either because women control this or because it is a joint decision of the family. They seek preventative medical care more frequently when married than not, and they are more likely to care about their health more. These have all been measured in various studies. The possible reasons for these differences between married and unmarried men are varied.
Besides, all of those studies for both men and women assume the marriage lasts.
No, I don't think so. They look at married men and women over time, not necessary that they have the same partners from point A to Z. Statistical evidence also shows that men have higher rates of marriage after divorce than women, and within shorter periods of time. So, on average, men stay single less than women do, even after divorce.
You're saying that the survey includes people who got married twice in that time period? I don't understand.
So you are sure that marriage causes the change, and it's not simply a case of more fit men attracting (and keeping) the marriage partners? This also would produce a pattern in which married men are healthier and live longer.
I mean, it could just be the other way around, with marriage simply marking a difference caused by something else.
First, there is no one survey. These studies simply look at married couples across various age groups and measure various indicators, health being one of them. These are also generally not longitudinal studies, they are a cross section of a population at a point in time.
Thus, it is not necessary to conclude that the results for men on health and happiness rest on the assumption that they have been continuously married to the same person over time.
Let's not confuse "relationship" with "marriage".
Marriage is a legal contract. The only terms to the contract are that the couple have sex at least once (I think that's still a requirement, anyway) and that neither party lied about their gender, marital, or familial status when filling out the license. The contract guarantees each party the right to act on behalf of the other, gives each equal rights and responsibilities to the assets and debts acquired during the marriage, and so on.
A "working" marriage is any marriage that hasn't filed for separation.
Now, the majority of people choose to enter a marriage with the person who they presumably love, and expect to have a monogamous relationship with. But that has nothing to do with marriage. You can get all the emotional goodies of a relationship without marrying.
So why do people marry, instead of just have a relationship without marriage? Because both partners perceive it to be in their best interests. And those interests aren't the emotional goodies of a relationship, but the legal and financial goodies of the contractual guarantees.
good luck. I don't know how you make mechanism (law) that 'level' the playing field that are not subject to abuse as bad as what they attempt to correct.
From my experience, people have become fairly loose in there willingness to pull the race card, or sexism card, the gay card, or whatever other card whenever something doesn't go their way.
I feel this is true because I've been on the recieving end of accusations enough times and I feel I make an honest effort to treat everyone as equitably as possible.
The chages you desire are cultural in nature and take decades to become part of our psyche. I think that the gov't is a poor tool for social change and should only be used in pretty limited cases.
Isn't that selection bias? That's what I was talking about, anyway. And I figured you'd turn up. (g)
Thus, it is not necessary to conclude that the results for men on health and happiness rest on the assumption that they have been continuously married to the same person over time.
But in that case it is hard to argue that these surveys show that marriage is good for women. If men can get the same bennies out of marriage whether they divorce five times or none, then there's a whole lot of women who lost out.
So you are sure that marriage causes the change, and it's not simply a case of more fit men attracting (and keeping) the marriage partners?...I mean, it could just be the other way around, with marriage simply marking a difference caused by something else.
This could certainly be a possibility. Marriage could simply be a manifestation of something else. However, the vast majority of men get married, and remain married (not necessarily to the same partner) for their lives.
Another interesting facet is that these studies do not show the same benefits to women. Married women are not healthier than their single counterparts, nor do they live longer. I don't recall if they are happier.
Well, I didn't assert that they did. The surveys show that married men have significant life benefits that single men don't. Whether this can be causally linked to marriage per se is certainly an issue. I don't really know the details here.
Tabloi was talking about annoying things... I would add to his/her list are those women who are over emphasize the whole empowerment, I-can-do-anything, girl-power, pep-talk crap that some women seem to like to engage in.
Perhaps it's my personality, but that stuff just makes me gag.
While I am the first to say that anyone can do anything they put the mind and energy toward... and when I'm teaching women to do things I am expert in, I give them absolute respect and latitude to explore their limits... and there are certainly women who excel in any endeavor (those are not who I'm talking about)... it seems like there are a large number who want are dilettants who want the accolades of experts.
I was referring to this comment of yours, here:
It's also certainly true that marriage is significantly beneficial to men as well as women. Women, of course, obtain protection and support for their offspring, and assurance of financial security.
That only works if they don't get divorced, for the most part, it would seem to me.
So it really ought to be apples to apples. If any marriage is good for men, whether it's the same marriage or not, then it ought to be mentioned. Because certainly women who marry for security and financial protection are unlikely to get a good tradeoff if they are divorced--and men get the same goodies regardless.
Well, there are men like that, too.
I would say the most significant problem with societial expectations of women these days is that they are regularly held exempt from the responsibilities of equality, while given legal protection to its privileges.
and i see both sides to cal and betty's argument...i think that the problem is once more the same issue that seems to float through most of the threads here: the winners tell the losers that they should just shut up and deal with it. cal, it's easy for you to declare your objectivist stance as you are clearly not destitute or unsuccessful professionally (i have to think you've read atlas shrugged about 200 times). oddly, i actually can empathize with you more than you think. i came from shit poor poverty and, basically, pulled myself up and out of it...though i'm not that much better off now, at least i never got worse. i believe that the individual can do a lot and they shouldn't use society as a crutch or an excuse for their own laziness.
OTOH...i'm a white male. i may have benefitted from that. and i think that society has made it WAY too difficult to level the playing field...i know there are MANY who are not lazy but are still getting fucked because those who influence society don't want them to hamper their efforts to be as wealthy as they can. you cannot change the socio-cultural biases through laws...you cannot legislate tolerance (you can only nominalize it).
so really...it seems to me that women, in this case, who have succeeded in getting through things should be sympathetic to those who haven't and who can't. unless of course, you got where you are from marrying a rich man or having a wealthy family supporting you. anything else means you must have worked hard to get where you are. but just because you did it does not mean everyone can do it and it does not mean that the system isn't still very crooked and biased.
When men do this to each other they are simply labled as braggarts or posers, and most people I know really enjoy tearing these people down whenever possible.
You are correct with respect to divorce cutting off women's primary benefit to marriage. However, I think I was responding to Ivan someone's comment regarding the burdens of monogamous marriage.
Monogamous marriage may be a problem in today's world, but it also conveyed benefits to men in the past; primarily that they could ensure the identity of their legal heirs. (I find it funny, however, that females have long engaged in subterfuge cheating while married, particularly with respect to seeking better genes for their offspring).
It may well be that monogamy is outmoded, and that marriage is on its way out, but I would argue that it is not necessarily because of any unequal burdens it places on the modern male.
In fact, I've never read Ayn Rand and I'm not a libertarian. I also am not of the "I made it, therefore everyone can" mindset.
it seems to me that women, in this case, who have succeeded in getting through things should be sympathetic to those who haven't and who can't
This expectation can only be reasonable if I think that the system is biased against women. But in fact I don't think the system is biased against women and I actively oppose the sorts of changes that betty and others support.
So why should I be sympathetic to women particularly, as opposed to anyone who can't succeed, regardless of gender?
Oh, I agree. I don't think there is any need to boot out marriage. I do think that the financial aspects should be removed entirely.
What sort of law are you planning on practicing, btw, have you said?
I do think you misunderstand me, and perhaps I do misunderstand you as well.
I'm curious as to what changes I support? genuinely, what is it Cal, that you imagine I support? Let's see if this jives with the reality of me.
The reason I find the old whine about societal disapproval so revolting is because it not only assumes that women aren't responsible for their own choices, but it posits a world in which gosh, women want to work hard and be equal. Thus conveniently ignoring the fact that women are making less money overall because many of them are taking the free ride that society hands them and substitutes instead a self-serving fantasy.
what planet are you from? where have you lived? i mean...i can't fathom any western la-la-land where there isn't bias against women. and i'm not a woman! it astounds me. i spent 27 years of my life in manhattan...one of america's largest cities...and even as a child i could see it. i saw it as an adult. i see it in the workplace. i've seen in it in virtually any institution.
maybe our definition of bias is different. perhaps you consider bias to be active, conspiratorially-designed strategies to purposely keep women down. i've been in the locker room, cal...let me tell you...it's just about that bad. you might be blinded by your own success.
So why should I be sympathetic to women particularly, as opposed to anyone who can't succeed, regardless of gender
i don't know...because there is an assumption that you are a woman. and, obviously, a fortunate one...maybe you might feel one iota of sympathy for women (i.e., "it could have been you") who face the real discrimination that exists. the fact that you are willing to not give a fuck about others because you think their suffering is a figment of their imagination is just incredible. you really should run for office...people like you wind up there all the time.
Point to a statistic that demonstrates a bias against women, much less so obvious you can see it with your naked eye.
because there is an assumption that you are a woman....maybe you might feel one iota of sympathy for women
It's that sort of thinking that creates the very sort of "look out for your own" that you decry when it is white guys doing it, and yet you expect women who have made it to take care of other women in preference to men? You don't think that's kind of odd?
and, obviously, a fortunate one
I am fortunate that I have good health. That my son has good health. That I was born a whole lot smarter than most (speaking of the world at large--in here, we're all pretty smart). I am fortunate that I wasn't murdered, crippled, or otherwise stopped in my forward momentum. I believe that all of this fortune is gender neutral. I am not "fortunate" to be successful because I am female. After accounting for my good fortune as listed (and any I missed), I pretty much accept all the credit, such as there is.
the fact that you are willing to not give a fuck about others because you think their suffering is a figment of their imagination is just incredible
This is an entirely inaccurate statement. I support legal remedies for anyone who can prove discrimination. I believe such remedies already exist--although I think the definition is getting absurdly broad. Except for men and child custody, where the bias is disgraceful. But in that case it's the legal system itself that discriminates.
One can claim that all human decisions are selfish, but that makes selfish a meaningless term. The distinction is between relationships where one looks out only for one’s own interests directly, and a cooperative relationship where the individuals mutually look out for each other’s interest. The second sort of relationship will tend to have better outcomes for the participants.
Isn't that selection bias? That's what I was talking about, anyway.
An interesting argument: It isn’t that marriage makes you healthier, happier and more successful, it is that more successful people get married. Does that really change anything? Is it wise to do what successful people do, or instead, to copy the losers?
If men can get the same bennies out of marriage whether they divorce five times or none, then there's a whole lot of women who lost out.
There is not evidence this is an accurate premise.
I don't recall if they are happier.
They are happier and their children are more successful.
One can claim that all human decisions are selfish, but that makes selfish a meaningless term.
No. It just means that "selfish" isn't a derogatory term.
The distinction is between relationships where one looks out only for one’s own interests directly, and a cooperative relationship where the individuals mutually look out for each other’s interest.
Provided that you aren't saying that the first relationship is marriage and the second one isn't, fine. If you are, then that's incorrect. Marriage is a legal contract and signifies nothing about the relationship itself.
The rest of your post isn't on point, of course.
What is the free ride that society hands them?
They aren't held responsible for having children they can't provide for. Marrying someone else is considered an adequate substitute--even after 30 years of no-fault divorce.
How did you get that? Cal said mothers are not held responsible for they can’t provide for. That statement makes no reference to fathers either way.
No. Are you saying that most mothers can provide half of the income necessary to provide for their children?
Anytime you say "All A is B" you have removed B as a meaningful discriptor of A. At any rate, in this context selfish was not intended as derogoatory, but as discriptive.
Provided that you aren't saying that the first relationship is marriage and the second one isn't, fine.
No, the second is marriage, the first is not.
Marriage is a legal contract and signifies nothing about the relationship itself.
No, that is not true. One usage of the term marriage refers to the legal sanction for the social custom that is the base meaning of marriage. The legal contract has been developed to support the social practice, because the social practice has been so very benefitial to society and to those individuals who influence the developement of law. And the social practice that the legal sanction is entended to encourage does, in fact, signify a specific expected relationship. That relationship is one in which two individuals maintain a common interest within society as if they were a single individual.
I agree. Cal said nothing that implies any mitigation of paternal responsibility. She merely treats woman as fully competent human beings.
Not true. You've removed it as a meaningful distinguisher. All Women Are Mammals does not make mammals an irrelevant attribute of women.
No, the second is marriage, the first is not.
Ah, I had the terms backwards. No, you are wrong. Marriage doesn't entail any of that. It's nice to act as if it does, particularly if you are married. But that's about it.
I more or less agree with your 3504, though I disagree with some of it, and of course you know which parts. anyway...
I was specifically talking about the trades and the culture and obstacles that women face there. It's a very specific and "localized" situation where sexism and descrimination of all sorts are not being addressed because of the structure of the profession. The apprentice system--which i very much like when it works on merit--is somewhat outside the laws and has been difficult for women and other minorities to break into.
The words distinguisher and attribute are not the same.
Ah, I had the terms backwards. No, you are wrong. Marriage doesn't entail any of that. It's nice to act as if it does, particularly if you are married. But that's about it.
You are mistaken. It is, perhaps, why you were unsuccessful at marriage. You weren't using the tool properly.
Alas, I had one of those get out of jail free cards.
You are, again, confusing relationships with marriage.
No, that is not a point I believe or am trying to make.
But whatever point it is, you can certainly do it while still acknowledging that people marry because they are acting in their own self-interest, not because they've chosen to cooperate in some fundamentally uplifting way.
You are reading to much, and to little, into this. I said nothing about "uplifting". The fact is that choosing to cooperate is a practical advantage, for them and for society.
It's a contract.
In the most fundamental meaning of contract, which predates the legal structure.
Anything else is optional.
No, you are missing the key charcteristic of this contract: unity of interest. It is this charactitic that provides the benefit of marriage to society, and it failure to understand this characteristic that cause people to fail in the execution of this agreement.
No, I am not. There are a wide range of emotional and physical relationships that exist within the context of marriage.
I know. The word descriptor (which you used) and attribute are largely the same, though. I just didn't feel like using descriptor again.
The point is that it is not meaningless to say that all people who marry are acting out of self-interests. It just means that you can't use "selfish" as some sort of morality marker.
No, they exist in the context of relationships--many of which are also married. The act of marrying someone does not de facto provide the wide range of blah blah blah.
No, you are missing the key charcteristic of this contract: unity of interest.
I'm not missing it. I am asserting, full stop: it is not there. Marriage doesn't provide it. It is an attribute of relationships--not necessarily all relationships, not even the best ones. But for purposes of this conversation it's important to recognize that marriage is nothing more than a legal contract, that there is no legal, moral, or even social requirement for the couple to have any relationship at all, much less a particular sort of one.
Okay, so you were speaking only about the trades. I find it extremely unlikely that women couldn't crack that field just like any other. Social attitudes change after women enter, not before. That's the way it's always been and I don't see why this field would be any exception.
I don't know that this field is any different it's just been more difficult for women to enter...i suspect it goes back to the apprentice structure...essentially you have to get permission from someone in the trades in order to learn the trades. there's probably no other field in the US that is so structurally "old boys" and so breaking into the field is harder. I think it's getting easier for women, because there are some women in the field, and many of them make a point of taking female apprentices. also the people in a position to make decisions about who gets apprenticeships are generally the oldest folks in the industry, the most likely to harbor some backwards notions about women...as they die and leave their positions they are filled by folks who are more "liberal" (this is a relative thing they might still be very "conservative and sexist"). So it seems that the trades are a generation behind in integrating women into the profession.
It's going to get easier, but I think women will always be underrepresented in the trades, partly because of the physical nature of the work. I don't really mind the underrepresenation, I do mind that it is because of obstacles beyond their control.
It's going to get easier, but I think women will always be underrepresented in the trades, partly because of the physical nature of the work. I don't really mind the underrepresenation, I do mind that it is because of obstacles beyond their control.
I said it before... real change takes decades. The gov't doesn't really do much except stir the pot a little (probably causes as much backlash as help when it forces things). Most people are impatient for change, but it takes time. Mostly it's just waiting for people with more open life views to move up through the ranks.
Trailer trash.
Randy Quaid usually plays your character.
Dabney Coleman usually plays mine.
The assistantship as you may know is one way we 'pay our dues'.
Is it reasonable to expect that the 'dues' everyone pays to be exeactly the same? Is there such a thing as collective dues such as women breaking into the trades (that would be something I would think exists... there are pioneers in every field)?
I'm sure there are dues that I've had to pay that a woman wouldn't have. We also talk about discrimination... I'm sure that people have discriminated against for some pejudice they've had... and it may not even be due to my membership to a large group that is easily labled.
People get signled out for no reason other than a scapegoat is needed.
So sure I'm a white male... but I feel like I've had my own share of personal trials and tribulations that could not be shown to be less significant than what a woman experiences.
Men are generally pressured to 'produce' something. Men are expected to be 'strong'. Men are generally disuaded from going into nuturing fields like teaching (and don't tell me this isn't true because when I was younger and worked with 6-10 year olds I got enough feedback to know that it was not considered normal... i.e. enough people assumed I was interested because I was a molestor or something to steer me clear of the field).
Women may not get as far up the ladders... but I really do think they have more ladders to choose from.
Oh, I agree completely. It's a dividing line between men and women still, and continues to be reflected in the occupational and training choices women make.
Make socio-economic class a constant and my point basically holds true I think.
same family... the guy has to get a full time job, and probably work overtime to support them. That is the expectation. If he came home and said... "honey, I want to look after the kids... you work"... not only would his wife probably balk... but his buddies wouldn't drink beer with him anymore.
which led to the thought that are dues always going to be the same... and is that really a reasonable thing to expect?
In terms of careers, politics, and other broad topics, I think that discrimination not based on fact eventually collapses under competition. That is, if you hire someone not as qualified to do a job just because of your own personal prejudice, you will hurt yourself competitively. Individuals will still suffer in such a laissez faire approach, but over the longterm I think it tends toward minimal discrimination.
An obvious example is major league baseball, in which the National League tended to bring in black players sooner and more numerously than did the American League. As a result, the National League became the better league, and the American League had to follow suit.
When it comes to sex and reproduction, however, achieving a "fair" balance is more difficult because of the monopolies involved. Sex itself has a somewhat mutual monopoly between male and female, but especially in the case of reproduction I'm not sure those monopolies balance out.
What do you think of the fact that marriage has become such a shitty deal for men - a contract one enters for life, but with a 40% or 50% chance of having your children taken from you a few years down the line, and you still paying as if you were married, but getting nothing at all from your wife?
What do you think of the ease with which fathers are separated from their children, and children from their DADDIES?
Isn't that sad?
Sorry. I meant to respond yesterday, "stepping out for a few minutes" turned out to be a mission critical drinking session with my boss. Anyway:
I don't know about the 40%-50% figure that you quote, so I won't comment on that. In my experience, in my specific context (i.e. a 30 year old man, who has lived most of his life in the Province of Ontario, Canada), men have until recently been treated unfairly as a group in matters of divorce. The default presumption for a number of years was that the mother was invariably the better parent and it was too easy for women to abuse the divorce process to either screw fathers out of meaningful involvement in their kids lives and/or realize a financial windfall upon divorce. (My father, for example, got the short end of the stick on the distribution of family assets when he and my mother divorced, though not egregiously so). . . .
In recent years, however, Ontario law (and that of most other Provinces, I think) has become increasingly more reasonable and fair. Joint custody arrangements are generally treated by the courts as the preferred resolution, unless circumstances dictate otherwise. Courts are less inclined to order men to pay exhorbitant and unfair alimony payments to their ex-wives. And, overall, the trend in divorce settlements is towards fair, reasonable and equitable treatment of both parties. Even better, Ontario law now requires divorced couples to go through a mediation process with an arbitrator before the courts will adjudicate any disputes between them. The idea behind this is that the usual adversarial paradigm of legal proceedings is singularly unsuited to the divorce process as it encourages cutthroat behaviour by the divorcing parties and their lawyers rather than a reasonable, mature, settlement of disputes. The process is also far more efficient.
So to answer your questions: the situations you describe are sad, yes; but, in Ontario they are no longer the norm.
I am in 100% agreement with Indy on this.
When my father...an uneducated, alcoholic, violent, ex-con was having trouble keeping or getting a job, my mother (and her 3 children) went to the welfare office in manhattan and were told (and i'm only slightly paraphrasing as it has been many years gone by)..."there's no excuse why your husband can't work." following that, we went through years of scowls and sneers because it was assumed that because my father was white, he had no excuse for failing.
what's funny is that it really does wind up being relative, though. in our community, my father was just a character rather than a failure because others were in the same boat. stepping outside the community, he became a failure.
I think the problem comes when everyone assumes that childraising places any particular burden on women.
Your post about low income women is very much to the point I was making about societal expectations.
Her "choice" to stay home is viewed to be "what's best for her family". Besides, someone inevitably points out, they can't afford daycare.
But any family who can't afford daycare is, by definition, unable to afford a non-working spouse. In fact, if you can't afford daycare in this day and age, you really can't afford a child--much less more than one. They need all the income they can get. So is the mother considered irresponsible for having children that she can't provide for? No.
Women's children are their property, man is the wallet, and welfare is what we provide women if there's no man around. This despite the fact that we've given women equal rights in the workplace, and absolute control (ie, unequal rights) over the decision to have children. Surely this would mean that they ought to have full responsibility for providing for them, but they continue to get a pass on that.
This despite the fact that we've given women equal rights in the workplace, and absolute control (ie, unequal rights) over the decision to have children. Surely this would mean that they ought to have full responsibility for providing for them, but they continue to get a pass on that.
When it comes to sex and reproduction, however, achieving a "fair" balance is more difficult because of the monopolies involved.
I thought you were referring to the "common wisdom" that women bear more of the brunt of having a child.
About four years ago, my one nephew, who was six at the time, said to my mother: "You, know, Grandma, you really should meet my Grandpa Stu I think you'd really like him." My Mom laughed, then explained to my nephew that Grandma already met Grandpa Stu, and was married to him for twenty years, in fact.
Not an accident. The baby (my cousin's son) was born two months premature, with a ruptured bowel and other maladies. All of the treatment, medication and operations resulted in liver and heart failure. We had been expecting the worst for a couple of weeks. It was a tragically short life, spent entirely in hospital, and with minimal physical contact between parents and child. The parents are coping the best they can, and will be taking some time off work to go on a trip, recoup and begin healing. This was their first child, which makes the hurt all the worse for them.
This will actually be the second child funeral in my lifetime. Ten years ago, my uncle's three year old daughter died of lung failure related to complications from her Downs Syndrome. That was their first child. They have since had another child, who is five years old now, and healthy.
I am so sorry. My family went through something very similar almost 17 years ago. My nephew, born the day after my youngest’s first birthday, only lived for 67 days all of them spent in NICU. It was tremendously grueling for the entire family.
My sympathies to you and yours.
I was going to comment on RP's assertion that evil feminazi's are making men commit suicide and murder but then thought to myself "what's the point?" But here goes: people are not "driven" by their spouses or exes or anyone else to kill themselves and others. That people commit suicide or murder instead indicates a weakness of the individual in how they respond to depression, anger, frustration, etc. That more men commit suicide and murder than women do is not an indication that if only women would be nicer, the numbers would even up. That RP would attempt to claim that women are responsible for men murdering and committing suicide is just another of his loser attempts to cast blame for personal faults anywhere but where the blame belongs.
IIRC, women attempt suicide more frequently but men are more successful in actually killing themselves. This is in large part due to the difference in suicide techniques; men choose guns at a much higher rate than women do and guns are more effective at killing.
So, the data does not show that men are substantial more depressed or suicidal, it shows that they are better at using “suicide” tools.
It was a no bones guide... a little creepy, but interesting from an academic point of view.
blotted out for squeemish...
It described everything from shooting yourself, to distiling a lethal dose of nicotine from cigarettes. It gave relative effectiveness, pain, and warned people to consider who would find them and in what condition. It also noted that some of these poisoning methods were really quite painful and sometimes took a couple of weeks of intense agony but were 99% effective.
They also told you to consider the possibility of failure. That many people who fail to commit suicide have a change of heart, and that you should avoid methods which may leave you in a wheelchair the rest of your life; like jumping off a building. People have apparently survived 5 story falls before.
Shooting was effective but messy. They didn't consider it kind to your loved ones however. It urged people to consider the condition in which someone will find you.
The method they seemed to recommend was a pain-killers OD coupled with alcohol... then before you lose consciousness you put a bag over your head. It noted that without the bag, someone might find you in time to 'rescue' you.
I'm not aware of being white, except when I'm in an area where I'm clearly the minority.
I'm much more acutely aware of being a woman when I'm in a room full of men. I've seen men become much more acutely aware of their being men when in a room full of women--some to the point of being uncomfortable.
Brought home to me again the other day when I got on the elevator with a bunch of my coworkers. They were all male, but I was more acutely aware of being "vertically challenged" at my 5'3 1/2" vs. their 6'+. They on the other hand were totally unaware of their height until I mentioned it to them. (At which point they all looked around and said things like, "Where did that voice come from? Did you hear something?")
In my view, it is for this reason that many men are unaware of any subtle ways in which they discriminate...many whites are unaware of the subtle ways in which they discriminate...many straights are unaware of the subtle ways in which they discriminate...many wealthy...many well educated...and so on.
If you got it, it's not an issue and since it's not an issue for you, it's difficult to understand why it's an issue for someone else....not that it can't be done, but that it takes awareness and effort.
People who choose 'alternative' lifestyles complain that people treat them different while at the same time they do things to emphasize these differences. The most overt example are people who choose piercings all over thier face, dye their hair... and then turn around and complain when people treat them different. Well duh.
I have many gay friends... most of which barely bring it up. Since it's not an issue to them, it's not an issue to me. It's not any different than I treat heterosexuals. However... a 'flamboyant gay' who makes a big deal about it... well shit yeah I'm going to treat them different. Truth be told I just don't like flamboyant people in general.
I mean any time you set out to celebrate or emphasize your differences, you can well expect that people will react to those differences.
When people start off making demands I am resistant.
In my opinion the minority should make as much or more of an effort to adjust to things like that than me. Say I moved to Sweeden... I would probably have to go through great strides to adjust to that culture, but I would feel the burden primarily fell upon me.
This can hardly relate to gender or race for that matter, seeing as neither is a choice. As far as sexual orientation, whether it is genetic, chosen or a bit of both is still open for debate.
In these cases, being female or black is not a question of celebrating or emphasizing anything, it is simply being what you are.
It's much different to me when a woman tells me she's a mechanic vs. telling me she's a woman mechanic.
I find the second one to be a bit pretentious... a mechanic is a mechanic, and I my personal tendency is to immediately put a little distance between me an them. I probably wouldn't take my car to someone who emphasized 'woman mechanic' because it's irrelevant.
I think it fair to say that many straight, heterosexual, white men are unaware of the ways in which they discriminate against others. However, I also think it fair to say this of all people regardless of race, gender or sexual preference. I don't think that straight white men, at least not those in my age and education bracket, are more susceptible to discriminatory practices than any other group of people.
(And P.S. thanks for the condolences).
I personally think a lot of tension could be eased if people just lightened up a little. If you are paranoid and you go looking for little signals everywhere you're going to find them.
Ahmen.
It really was funny.
Ms. No should really go to work for Andersen or Worldcom. She's wasted in the porn world.
you leave out the fact that the reason he was uncomfortable was not race, but class.
Once again class gets overlooked even when it's been made an overt issue.
you think you're so clever, and classless and free-ee
The only reason why I mentioned specifically whites, males, well educated, wealthy is because they are in charge, they are the powerful...be it political leaders, captains of business, etc. So talking to them, they don't understand and swear they don't discriminate. They sincerely believe it. They are unaware of it because all those issues...power, money, opportunity, etc. are things they have. In fact, because they are living in their own culture and behaving by the rules of their culture, they don't understand how or why any of their behaviors could be wrong or harmful. They don't understand why, if I can do, why can't you.
Of course, before someone nags me on it, the above is a generality, not specific to every individual in every category.
Thoughtful,
My bad. I jumped on your particular example, without ingesting the main substance of your post. That is what I get for skimming.
The fact is that most middle class and upper middle class blacks have far more in common with whites than with poor blacks.
How about:
The fact is that most middle class and upper middle class blacks have far more in common with middle class and upper middle class whites than with poor blacks.
Otherwise your statement makes no sense...the "Huxtables" have very little in common with my family.
Yes, I thought the adjective was a given.
they can be somewhat temporary...I could easily fall into middle class even though I'm poor because I'm well spoken and have some college, but when i go to a family reunion or when I am at some sort of gathering with the department's professors and graduate students, I am acutely aware that class is determined by more than just income.
I agree, my comment was somewhat opaque. I meant that if someone from a low socio-economic background obtains the education and training for a high-status occupation, their children are more likely to have similar values, beliefs and attitudes to higher socio-economic children than to children from lower socio-economic families.
That is, class is not a rigid or permanent factor at the individual level in this country.
Bauserman found that children in joint-custody arrangements had fewer behavioral and emotional problems, higher self-esteem and better family relationships and school performance compared with those in sole-custody situations. And he found no significant difference in adjustment among children in shared custody and those living in intact family situations.
Top Ten Myths of Marriage
and
Top Ten Myths of Divorce
What's the Most Dangerous Job in america?
Were you even close?
We moved up to top 10... wow.
I only need to use a chainsaw about once a year though. Companies have also gotten very strict about certification (not that I haven't seen certified people do braindead stunts).
'All this concern' was signally successful in getting women to go to college, as otherwise this wouldn't have even come up for discussion.
Now, are we going to see anything better than perfunctory lip service from the distaff side wrt the overshoot? I don't entertain much hope of that.
What an odd word choice. Was there some kind of optimum number of educated women we were shooting for?
I am no NOW feminist. And I have a passion for accurate evidence and research so I would love to know the reality concerning inflated data that girls were discriminated against in public schools.
Nonetheless, there doesn’t seem to be that much of a jump in the stats. It could very well be a statistical anomaly … a cultural trend blip that corrects itself. Also, it’s only part of the picture. Where are all these young men who are not going to college? Are they employed in other areas? Are they incarcerated? Are they under-employed, unemployed?
Note, I do think there is a problem. Most disturbing to me is the (IMO) over diagnoses of ADHD-type disorders and the automatic dispensing of powerful drugs to these little guys. I think the significant number of young men involved in critical activity is a costly problem that gets lip service towards solutions.
These types of studies are particularly susceptible to analysis errors that end up created more confusion than clarity. What I don’t want to see is the inflation of consistent differences in gender behavior getting all the lime-light and attention. I think we need to be very careful about falling into the classic errors that often plague these issues and lead to over-publicized and inaccurate pronouncements like Women’s standard of living drops 54% after divorce or Being educated decreases a woman’s chance of marrying.
What does that mean? Too many young literary/film/theater/ballet critics around?
What an odd word choice. Was there some kind of optimum number of educated women we were shooting for?
Not static numbers, of course, but relative percentages, as has been the norm in the debate since it was first conceived.
Okay, okay. I'm a dumbfuck ... it was supposed to be "criminal" not "critical".
It's hard being spell conscious when I really supposed to be overseeing End-of-Month Billing. I’m hiding under my desk while I post this.
My question holds. What is the optimum percentage? How did we decide that percentage was the target? What is the benefit or deficit result if more of one “type” is getting educated?
White trash nation.
That's very hard to picture.
I can't really pretend there's anything deeper than aesthetics here. I'm fairly pro on sluttiness. But, you know, discrete sluttiness.
I'm not dismissing your dislike of it; a lot of people share it. And I can't say I'm crazy about the little 8 year olds wearing slut wear. It seems quite possible to let little girls wear "cool" clothes while not having them dress like they charge for the hour.
But I don't know how new it is.
Discrete sluttiness, of course, is when you have at most a countably infinite set of partners.
I love the parts in the Republic where Plato talks about the need to protect the children from dangerous and unmanly meters in poetry.
Kids these days with their crazy iambs.
Judith,
It bothers me, too, but at the same time I'm not convinced it is inherently damaging. In other words, I don't think dressing like a slut at 8 is likely to give you low self-esteem, or anything. (not saying you were, either)
What would be interesting is to see if there are any differences between the girls who want to dress that way (at 8) and the ones that don't.
But she does seem genuinely concerned that her "numbers" are getting unacceptably high, and if she doesn't find a permanent relationship soon the "problem" will only get worse.
She's all of 23. I don't grok it. But back when I was in college I had a woman tell me with complete assurance that any more than 5 partners in a lifetime qualified you for slut status.
Or I should say the proportion of girls that become sluts, or boys that become psychotic because of it are miniscule. Those kids probably already have other mitigating and more influential problems.
I would've loved to hear the topic discussed but our local PBS station has dropped TotN from its schedule.
Tacky and ugly, no matter the age or the message.
Girls used to be raised to become married mothers. This was what they were raised to become. Now they're just raised to have tits and active sexual lives, which is something that happens with or without education. So what do you expect from them? The concept of sex is not a difficult one to grasp, and they start early. By being slutty, they're just trying to be good girls. They have no other concept of what being a woman is, of what a woman's role is, because that role has been trashed.
Yes, to a large extent you have.
Aren't you the one who likes to define parenting as unpaid daycare, o Great Warm Earth Mother?
But I must be wrong: all those studies show that children are growing up so healthy and happy nowadays, compared to the old "you raise the children and I'll pay the bills" days, right? We live in such a wonderful world!
This comment isn't meant to be other than a parrot of a show I watched yesterday. I saw that some women in their 40's have discovered that their desire for a career track life has left them either marriageless, childless, or both. The three women (small samples) in their 40's were all exclaiming the desire to have added children to their lives. One after some year and a half adopted successfully. The proponent (didn't catch her name) states this is for lack of stress upon career track women to pay attention to their biological clock.
The interview then asked three (again a small sample) for their expectations. They all were higer education track women, with career goals as the top most important ideal. They all agreed they had plenty of time to either marry, have children or both. All agreed they would have little trouble conceiving at and over age 40. The truth claims otherwise.
According to the proponent to actively inform all women to be aware of their biological clocks, this is the new trend and needs immediate attention. According to what I saw, she believes women are not being informed that their chances of motherhood later in life is reduced significantly. The fear that younger women without benefit of higher education will reproduce sooner and faster was discounted.
But then again, if our Moterators convinced themselves so easily that 7 was 1 (okay, maybe 2), why should it surprise us if women con themselves into believing 40 is 18?
This recent fascination with childless women in their 40s seems to me to only be the flip side of 40 something women who regret not having a career now that their children are all gone. It also seems no different than the 40-year-old man looking around and wishing he had spent more time with his family rather than on his career. Or the office jockey who wishes she/he had taken time to write that novel. The list is endless.
I’m never quite sure what anecdotal evidence like this is supposed to indicate other than the part of the human condition seems to be wanting what we don’t have.
I’m not anymore surprised by that than I am 60 yo men getting hair plugs and taking Viagra.
Is there a point here?
Then there is the portion of the study showing that the higher the woman's acheivement professionally, the less likely she is to have children. But which came first --are they climbing the ladder because they don't have children or do they not have children because they are climbing the ladder?
Well, yes you are wrong at least based on current research. Children are no more or no less “happy” and they certainly are more healthy (with the exception of weight) than they were in the much lauded 1950s.
The weight you can blame on PlayStation.
I am better … smarter, more resilient, self-reliant, wiser. So is my husband. Again is there a point here beyond the rather silly implication that women are defined by their procreative state?
Again is there a point here beyond the rather silly implication that women are defined by their procreative state?
People who say seven is one in order to prevent discussion of a subject that bothers them don't have the right to demand points of other people.
I know a boy in Katzir whose mother thought she was real clever, and dumped his father, with the encouragement of the local femmies. The father left Katzir and his son, who was four at the time, lost all of his hair in a physical reaction to the grief. He's six now, still bald like someone straight from chemotherapy. Her 17 year old daughter, an artsy type, has left school and her home, because the mother doesn't have money for paying her way through art school, and she's just bumming around Tel Aviv. The mother is going around Katzir asking for people's sympathy and telling them how she's on medication and how bad her life is.
But she thought she was real clever, screwing her husband out of house and home and money, getting herself a new coat of paint on her hair - why is it these middle aged femmies always opt for red hair? - and strutting about like a cockette.
Talk about 'rather silly'. I'd say the femmies' need to screw men, even if the screw has to go through their own heads first, and those of their children, qualifies as rather silly. Don't get all uppity with me.
And remember, seven is one. Well, okay - maybe two.
Of course, I have wimmin problems. Not just one, mind you: seven.
Seven different wimmin problems.
Which is to say - one, or maybe two, max.
But you and your girlfriends, you're so secure and confident, why, you can discuss any subject in the world, can't you? No censorship on this forum, nuh-uh.
Well then, seeing as that wasn't me I can only assume you were offering up information to me. Thanks.
Talk about 'rather silly'.
You won’t be able to find a post where I say that there are no women who are selfish, stupid and viciously self-indulgent. I cede the point that there are some women who act in miserable ways. So your anecdotal evidence is really not necessary or useful.
I will not allow you though to go unchallenged when ever you imply that all women are such or that all women who holds opinions that you disagree with are such.
So again, was there a point in any of that?
No more posts like #3632, please or I'll have to start removing them.
Bubba, posts in this thread need to contain more than just name calling, agitating or attacks. No more posts like #3632, please or I'll have to start removing them.
hmmmmm
Perhaps I should elaborate so as to ensure that my intent is evidently on-topic, or, as I intended, commenting on the obvious. All of RP's posts on the topic of women are colored by his perception of women as scheming venal creatures all of which appears to result from his divorce. If this is name calling, agitating, etc. -- especially in light of what RP has posted (and received no censure) then I am obviously in the wrong thread. If you wish to make a point about being even-handed, you could have found a better example.
Thanks Bubba for expanding and explaining your point. I've pinged a couple of other folks for one-line posts that seemed to be gratitious, including RP. I'm just trying to be consistent given recent sensitivities.
Anyway, the most hyped point wasn't much different than "why buy the cow...". Since men get sex anyway, they allegedly see no benefit to marriage and a lot of risk.
Well, fair enough. The benefits seem at best intangible. The risks seem pretty real.
Maybe if that disproportionate number of college educated women start outearning men, that will change.
Which is sensible enough.
I don't recall signing any Lifetime Employment Agreements with my current employer.
(I am being a little facetious. But only a little.)
I signed the contract and intend to honor it. I think that the arrangement is mutually beneficial for both of us. Rather than treating our arrangements as a roommate situation, we have joint plans and joint finances and greater liklihood of reaching our goals because we're working together. Both of us have a higher standard of living and greater financial stability than either would have alone. But the main benefit for me is the companionship and having a partner in life. I think that we both appreciate that the other is "in their corner".
But for me any marriage vow would implicitly have the clause "forever and ever unless I'm convinced my happiness requires divorcing you." That does drain some of the romance out of the whole thing.
See, I don't think that this kind of relationship approaches the marriage relationship. To me the one-foot-in, one-foot-out relationship is more like striking up a conversation while waiting for a bus -- it kills time but you don't expect anything beyond the superficial.
My two opt out clauses on entering into marriage: 1)you ever lay a hand on me in anger, I'm outta here, no second chances. 2) if you are unfaithful, you'd better want that piece o strange pretty much, because you can just keep on getting up. Now in real life, clause two may not be strictly enforced -- I'd have to see what happened. Clause one is non-negotiable.
There isn't a more general "deep unhappiness with the marriage" clause?
Jamie--That bit about cohabitating until something better comes along sounds right. That would also explain why the stats about cohabitating until marriage have a bad divorce rate. If a lot of those cohabitors are then getting married because nothing better did come along, guess what happens when it does.
Searching for happiness is a bit like trying to step on your own shadow. Happiness isn't like this rush you get after smoking substance x or drinking substance y.
(Actually, that's pretty funny, coming from a Prozac gobbler like me).
But seriously, you can't really decide things based on "I am searching for happiness." It comes to you when you least expect it.
Man, I thank God for that law.
I was very much aware of the marriage/divorce stats when I was planning my future, which is why I wanted to have work that went beyond "job" and qualified as "career". Even though Mike and I have arranged our finances so that we could get by on one income, I have no desire to do that and would have a hard time generating the absolute trust and confidence that it would require for me to be a stay-at-home wife.
I think that women who stay at home with their children are taking a big chance, given that there's a 50/50 chance that marriage will end in divorce. It's not an issue with me since I don't have children. I think that the laws regarding divorce, custody, etc., are still largely based on the "wife-stays-home" model and are struggling to change with the times.
From the emotional standpoint, I agree with bbbtt that it has a lot to do with committment and responsibility and knowing that only death will part us. We are forever in each others' corner and life for either of us alone would be so much harder than it is together. We've each married our best friend. It just doesn't get any better than that.
We have no children. We stay together for our parents...neither of us could tolerate having to deal with our parents alone! Them and of course the cat....neither of us wants to get stuck with the cat!
Rustler, agreed in general. But proceeding in misery in the hopes that maybe you'll get lucky and it will come to you sometime in the next few decades is also a bad plan.
I don't think you directly pursue some affect state called "happiness". I'm not really a "follow your feelings" kind of person. But unhappiness should not be a normal state for any adult who is living wisely, excepting some tragic circumstance. Unhappiness indicates a problem.
So I just figure that in some way they must get a great deal of satisfaction out of being miserable all the time, so that ultimately on some level makes them happy..or at least comfortable.
You're dead on right about divorce laws, and that's what I would change. The party line: eliminate all income transfer, mandate joint physical custody. I think if this occurred, people would be more likely to stay in marginal marriages if there were kids.
Jamie--I've said before now that people confuse marriages and relationships. Marriage is a legal and financial contract that carries a huge risk, usually for the man. Most people choose to combine marriage and relationships. But they are not at all the same thing.
Maybe I just loved my wife a lot and that is why I feel this way, but I really think the Bible hits it on the head when it tells the story of Adam and his rib and then proceeds to explain that this is why man and woman live together and become one flesh. I really felt that we became one flesh. Having kids, and everything growing into everything else and becoming one thing, that's what marriage is about, imho. One flesh. You become much more than you: you become your kid walking to school, even as you are sitting at your computer, if that makes any sense.
I don't think One Flesh and the selfless parenting experience are very achievable without kids though. I could be wrong.
Parenting is difficult to achieve without children, by definition.
And that problem could be a chemical imbalance in the brain, or a shitty outlook on life, or unrealistic expectations in the first place.
Fact is that you're not going to be forever hot for each other as you were during the initial months of your relationship, even if he does take regular baths and even if she doesn't put on any weight. It's unrealistic to expect the infatuation stage of the relationship to last forever. Hopefully in a good relationship it will be replaced with more enduring pleasures. I think that serial adulterers and those who "just get bored" are looking for a way to maintain the infatuation stage.
Those who are unhappy because of a generally shitty outlook are often engaged in self-fullfilling prophecies and were often given their outlook by their experiences or their families. If you've developed a habit of always looking outside for the cause of your unhappiness, the first person you're going to land on is your spouse. He's not making you happy, or she's making you unhappy --doesn't matter. You're not happy and it's someone elses's fault.
Well, at one point in my life it was necessary but not sufficient.
Our divorce was mutual and amicable, but I would have done it regardless. (She surprised me by raising the idea first.)
I understand your definition of marriage. I offer that there is a perceptual distinction made by people who add the religious context. It's more than just a soical contract... it's a contract with God for many people and go well beyond just the raw legal and financial framework your definition entails.
I understand your definitiion... but someone like me would other considerations that go beyond a written contract.
I don't know how it happened. All we did was get naked and fool around and stuff.
No... I'm saying for many it's a contract with God...
...who has certain other expectations that go beyond what Cal is saying.
Where as the act recognized by the State of NY as a marriage is a contract and nothing else.
The statements made were to the effect that your emotional obligation to your partner are not implied. I'm saying they are, but are not governed by society's rules.
I pretty much agree with Bubba's opt-out clauses. Those are the only two legitimate ones, although I might add acting on a childs behalf to it. However, these opt-outs are actually responses to a person that has already violated the contract(covenant).
I guess the crux of the matter is that I don't think an adult should make that sort of promise to another adult.
That is the kind of relationship that I have with my daughter- I will fulfill my parental obligations regardless of the personal cost. (Not that I see it that way practically. I adore parenting.)
But I would not fulfill my marital obligations regardless of the personal cost (assuming the other party doesn't break the covenant on their side.) That just makes no sense to me.
But in terms of what you can legally expect, the only thing that matters is what the state of NY thinks.
Legal marriage isn't a convenience. It's a financial obligation that might come along with some conveniences. But it's not contractually obligated to be convenient.
I don't think our perspectives are necessarily in opposition. I recognize that the promiss made through God is not enforcible by the state.
The fact remains that I put more import on the promise to God than the legal contract. The legal contract is a subset of God's contract in my mind.
It's just a perspective that seems to be causing some misunderstanding, which is why I brought it up.
It is really astonishing how many ways the state will distort itself, in this day and age, to make one partner (usually the man) financially responsible to the other (usually the woman). What's the point of declaring us equal, then?
Not to say that women can't be screwed by marriage financially; I know more than one professional woman who was put into years of debt by a conniving spouse they married on impulse. But in those cases the ripoff seemed to be deliberate.
I can be so mean!
Way the hell cross posted, shoulda hit refresh...
I agree it causes misunderstanding, but what I'm saying is that the people who misunderstand really need to get over it. The religious covenants of marriage are not in any way legally enforceable, except where they coincide with the state laws. Ditto the emotional aspects. It doesn't mean they aren't important to you, but they aren't legally binding. Surely people can participate in a conversation about marriage as social policy and accept this reality without protesting it or insulting those who point it out?
Cal
I think that the law imposing more obligations on men is based in the old expectation of woman as dependent and primary cartaker for the kids. Even today, if the couple agrees that one of the spouses will stay home to care for the kids, it puts that spouse in a fix should the couple divorce. Since the decision that one should stay home with the kids was presumably a decision of the couple, it doesn't give me any particular heartburn if the stay-at-home is awarded rehabilitative alimony to get back on his or her feet again. The way I see it, the stay-at-home assumed all of the risk by giving up his or her job for the benefit of the children.
No, the sah gave up his or her job and assumed the risk that comes along with giving up one's job. One can't assume any benefit. Also, the stay at home made that decision of his or her own free will, and if he or she is not able to provide for the children now, then clearly the decision did not benefit the children. Instead of giving the stay at home money to compensate for a bad decision that didn't benefit the children, it makes far more sense to give the children to the other parent--the one who is able to provide for them--until the sah parent has rebuilt his or her income to the point that responsibilities can be met.
Keep in mind that current law doesn't presume that the stay at home did anything for the benefit of the children. The financial allocation is the same regardless.
Also, in a more traditional marriage -- mom stays home, dad goes to work -- in most cases the dad doesn't request custody.
Presumably because the state has decided it doesn't want to encourage these kinds of arrangements.
Of course, lacking the protection of the state, a SAHM could demand some sort of contractual protection with the husband directly, and the courts could agree to enforce them.
It's not a Virginia thing, it's an anecdotal thing. But either way, it's irrelevant. It is not possible for it to be a joint decision. Only one person decides to quit. Only one person bears the risk. The fact that the couple pretends to discuss it doesn't change that. And all the risk is put on the person who quits, whether there is income transfer or not. The person who quits is always worse off in terms of their ability to provide for themselves and their children, considering every aspect. The only issue is whether or not they had the luxury to spend the money it cost them, and almost no one is.
Also, in a more traditional marriage --mom stays home, dad goes to work -- in most cases the dad doesn't request custody.
I said nothing of request. If the mother can't provide for her children, then the father can take sole physical custody of them until the mother has the income to provide her half. The possibility that the father might not want to can be considered as irrelevant as the possibility that the father might not want to provide income to the mother. The difference is that the mother will not be able to use the ex's money as a crutch.
You say the decision is joint. How? Explain how the working partner can stop the other from quitting, or force the other to quit. Explain how the working partner can then require the non-working partner to work again, either because of dissatisfaction with the performance or because of too much stress involved in being the sole breadwinner. Explain how the "joint" nature of the decision will give the stay at home partner protection in the event that the working partner quits, leaves that job for a much lower paying job, and then decides to divorce--but with an income of half of what it was when they first "jointly" agreed. Explain how, if the stay at home quit unilaterally without getting consent, this negatively affects their ability to get income should the marriage end.
Compare this to purchasing a house. Do both partners have to consent to the purchase? Yes, usually. Even if they don't, both partners benefit from the purchase or are legally obligated if it doesn't pan out well. That's a joint decision. Career decisions are not joint. They are individual.
You can't confuse relationship nattering with hard, cold realities. All the discussion in the world doesn't make a decision to quit one's job a joint call. It just means that, so fa as the relationship goes, there might be less arguing about it. Which is completely irrelevant when discussing income transfer.
I really had no property when I married, so we didn't do a pre-nup. What bothers me is that my husband can just pick up and leave (not that he's planning to, or that our marriage isn't good) and the state can decide to order me to fork over cash to him.
As it happens, we had a civil wedding, and not a religious one.
Spouse A didn't "force" Spouse B to quit his job. Spouse B couldn't "force" Spouse A to stay in Chicago (or wherever). Spouse B may not be able to regain his old job in Chicago. Think it's unfair to force Spouse A to transfer part of her income while B gets back on his feet because only B could quit his job
Is B entitled to a future income stream? I would say no, not without some prior agreement.
Unless, you want to allow the opposite. A turns down that higher paying job since B is unwilling to risk moving, and A wants to remain with the partner and kids. B then asks for a divorce, depriving A of both partner and (partial access to) kids. A sues B for uncompensated loss of income.
Absolutely. B had a choice to either hitch his wagon to A's financial star, or refuse to move because the new location made it impossible for him to be able to provide for his kids. He chose to live off of A's income. Risk was his.
Thoughtful--you are confusing "marriage" and "relationship". It might not be a very good relationship if they don't talk and agree. But it's a marriage. Ain't no such thing as a "good" or a "bad" marriage, when talking of legal and financial responsibilities.
As far as buying a house, etc., in non community prop. states, it depend on where the funds came from, the intent of the parties, and the name of the party in whom the property is held.
This all can be changed of course, with a valid prenup or even a later "agreement as to status of property."
It is really astonishing how many ways the state will distort itself, in this day and age, to make one partner (usually the man) financially responsible to the other (usually the woman). What's the point of declaring us equal, then?
You don't get it, do you? The point of declaring us equal is to screw the menfolk, who thought they deserved extra respect on account of being the breadwinners and protectors.
This way, we still are the breadwinners and protectors, but we don't get any privileges.
The most extreme example of this is the Israeli army. 40% of Jewish women don't even bother to enlist. They serve 21 months (we serve 36 minimum), they don't do real combat and they don't do reserve duty. But they sent one (one as in one, not one as in seven) woman to be a combat pilot, and they have a stock answer for our complaints: what do you want, we sent Roni Tzukerman to be an F-15 pilot!
It's not families, it's married people. And until you can legally require and document the joint nature of the decision, how can you be sure it is joint?
For example, my husbands' legs could be crushed on the job today. The body of case law regarding marriage would say it's ok for me to take a hike rather than caring for him. But that is not the arrangement that I feel I agreed to when we married. The marriage contract in your "ideal" world would applaud me for walking out on my responsibilities and say that I owe him nothing. Similarly, in your "ideal" world, the partners in a marriage are not partners at all, but two individual free actors who are responsible only to themselves entered into a temporary arrangement as long as it is equally mutually beneficial. In this world, altuistic behavior on the behalf of others is worse than foolish -- it's irresponsible because of the potential weakness that it would demonstrate vis a vis one's "partner". In your ideal world I see marriage as a circling of opponents as they vie to gain the advantage of one another. THAT is the contract I cannot imagine anyone voluntarily entering.
i love you. will you marry me if your husband's legs ever get crushed in an accident on the job?
One of the key benefits of marriage/partnership is that it allows for division of labor making the work load that much easier...two can live more cheaply than one and so on. So the fact that hubby takes out the garbage and maintains the cars means I don't have to. If the marriage were to dissolve, I would be at some disadvantage as I would have to then take on those additional responsibilities. So too would he have to learn how to do the things that I currently do. But to suggest that we each should maintain our own cars, buy our own food, and even take out our own garbage due to the risk that somewhere down the line we might get divorced, undoes one of the key economic benefits of marriage.
If there are responsibilities inherent in the institution of marriage, why allow people to walk on them? Suppose you decided to violate your implied promise and divorce your newly crippled husband. Should a judge be allowed to say "no deal, you agreed to care for him, you two are no longer individuals, and the state will not permit the dissolution of this marriage"?
Are these inherent responsibilities real and enforceable?
A better question would be, should one partner render themselves incapable of performing all those chores, on the assumption that the other will always be around to do them?
And, in the event of divorce, should the other partner be required to come over on Sundays and clean house and cook meals until the incompetent partner "gets on their feet" domestically?
This already exists...it's called being single.
It is, Pelle, it is....
No, no. It's first and foremost a Christian sacrament, designed to sanctify sexual union and protect us from the sin of fornication. Just ask C.S. Lewis.
Are you in love?
if yes, proceed to section i) marriage.
if no, proceed to section ii) civil union.
(polyamorists please see sections iii through mcmxiv inclusive.)
You meant just two or all three?
I think that the law is inadequate in trying to enforce social contracts -- that doesn't mean that society should throw up its hands and tell the more injured party -- tough shit, you made bad choices.
I suspect that should my husband become disabled and I decide it was just too large a hassel, that the courts would determine that I did at least owe him some sort of support while he adjusted. In fact, I know of a case in which one of my colleagues left her husband and because he had become unemployed due to the progression of rhematoid arthritis, she was charged with paying alimony while he went to college to qualify for a new line of work.
I think that marriage and the family serves society in providing for children and for one another. I believe that marriage and family pre-dates government and that these implied social contracts were enforced by society by way of expectations that we would live up to our responsibilities and through ostracism of those who negelected their responsibilities. Family court is a substitute, though a poor one.
If a husband becomes sick you dump him?
What happened to "through sickness and health"?
You're not ashamed to say this?
Allow me to puke.
You gave two acceptable outs, but seem to accept no fault divorce. Should we ostracize "improperly" divorced people in popular culture? It doesn't have to be severe, maybe not as bad as we ostracize bigots. Maybe a simple general portrayal of divorced people as failures who are kinda selfish.
You say ostracize for neglected responsibilities. If marriage is what you say it is, then the primary responsibility is preserving the union, isn't it? Does it have to be as extreme a case as abandoning an injured spouse to invite ostracism?
Married 24 years, no children, happier and value my marriage more now than I ever thought I would.
BTW, hubby is retired now and I am the main income earner if that matters to anyone. It certainly doesn't matter to us. We discussed his retirement as it clearly affected the household income substantially. It was a joint consideration and a joint decision reached with mutual consent.
I don't know about others here, but I promised for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others until death us do part. I meant it and so did he. So far neither of us has broken that promise. Neither of us intend to. That is what marriage is all about to me.
If you are making a legal contract, there are certain obligations that attach to that contract. The fact that you want to end that contract doesn't mean that all obligations associated end immediately upon your wish to end those obligations. You choose to become a parent. The fact that you wish to no longer be a parent does not alleviate you of your responsibilities until the child reaches majority age.
You buy a house. The fact that you no longer wish to be a homeowner does not alleviate you of your responsibility to pay the mortgage, taxes, etc. until you can sell the house.
You sign a contract to provide services..say lawn care... for a year. The fact that you no longer wish to do lawns does not alleviate you of your responsibilities to your customers. If the contract is well written, it will have clauses in it around things like early termination. If not, it's left to the courts to determine what is a fair and equitable solution. Unless you can come to an agreeable solution on your own at which point the courts need not get involved.
You cannot possibly be so dense as you make yourself out to be.
What's your issue? Pike was upset that I was talking about my hypothetically legless hubby and I explained that it was a hypothetical intended to illustrate a point. Where am I gripless?
If you had to get a license from the state to get married, you are, indeed, in a contract.
How you define the actual relationship is your business. But the marriage itself is aboout money, assets, and it is a contract.
Not to me. You need a license to go fishing, too, but whether you catch a fish is up to you.
Pelle, I can be remarkably dense. Feel free to enlighten me as the mood strikes you.
I have no issue with the notion of marriage being a contract -- it obviously is. I DO have an issue with the notion of marriage being ABOUT money and assets. I suppose that it could be for some folks, but for the vast majority of us, marriage is about forming a partnership based on love, companionship, security (and not just financial security). Obviously money and assets play a part in marriage, but that's not what marriage is about.
The marriage contract is about money and assets, and sometimes, custody issues. If you want to split hairs, then fine, the relationship itself is about love, partnership, etc.
What about it? Where is it unreasonable or in error? Saying that I need to get a grip without elaboration or explaination of what I'm saying that seems gripless to you doesn't really add much to the discussion. What, specifically, do you take issue with?
I disagree. I have a relationship with my dentist -- he provides services and I make payment. I have a relationship with my boss -- an arrangement and a pecking order. But I'm not married to either of them. It seems as if you are saying that the marriage is the contractual part of the living-together-and-possibly-having-children while the love, respect, mutual interdependence, companionship is all relationship stuff. I don't see them as being divisable like that.
bubb: that's exactly what I'm saying. As long as there is a choice to simply love, live together, have children, and so on, or to get legally married, you have to recognize that legal marriage has the same qualities as the live-in relationship, except the contract.
The State does not and should not define or involve itself in the emotional relationships of individuals. The thought of our elected officials having anything to say about love is almost too terrifying for words.
The State can and does involve itself in the transfer of property and assets incurred prior to and during a marriage because those properties and asset and their transfer have an impact on the public interest.
When discussing social policy, including the emotional content of any individual’s personal life only clouds that issues that are pertinent to the matter of policy.
So what you feel for your spouse should not have any impact on how the State deals with the dissolution of a marriage.
The contract should be stated thus:
Party A does hereby enter into a lifetime union with Party B, with the purpose of creating children and raising them to maturity.
Party A takes upon him/herself to lead the family in its decisions while consulting party B and to make decisions based on the good of the entire family; to shoulder the main burden of providing for the family financially, and making sure all are clothed and fed and sheltered and educated, to the best of his/her ability. Party A shall make financial decisions in an unselfish manner and make sure the needs of the entire family are taken care of in an equitable manner. Party B shall have a say in the financial decisions and Party A shall not use his/her greater control over finances in order to unduly humiliate or mistreat party B or any of the children.
Party A is responsible for making sure the entire family is protected from physical harm at the hands of strangers, and for protecting them with his/her own body if need be. Party A is expected to serve in the national armed forces if he/she is called upon to do so.
Neither party shall use physical force to injure, bully, threaten or intimidate the other, or any of the children.
Neither party shall have sexual relations with any other party other than the partner in marriage (A with B, B with A) without the express consent of the partner.
Sexual relations between the parties are meant for enjoyment and procreation and shall not be of a forced or unpleasant nature.
This is actually answered by sentiments such as this:
for the vast majority of us, marriage is about forming a partnership based on love, companionship, security (and not just financial security)
Divorce laws are necessary because most couples still enter marriage primarily for reasons of love and companionship and find it unseemly to negotiate upfront the division of assets upon divorce or to allocate the risks associated with pooling assets upon marriage. Because most newlyweds are overcome by the romance of it all, they do not bother to hammer out an actual contract; and, so, the state intervenes with divorce laws that, in reality, represent a default contract that couples sign onto in lieu of a negotiated arrangement.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing either. The state's default marriage contract can be regarded as a way of reducing costs by: a) streamlining initial contract "negotiations" between those who plan to marry; and b) creating a set of normative expectations about the financial consequences of divorce that the courts can apply in lieu of the more costly and time consuming job of attempting to piece together, after the fact, what couples inclined to do so would likely have negotiated beforehand re: the division of assets (etc.) upon divorce.
I don't think it makes sense to argue that the state shouldn't play this role of default contract maker, nor do I think that couples should all be forced to negotiate a strict marriage contract upfront. Why kill the romance of marriage when you do not necessarily need to.
Both parties are obligated to do their best to satisfy each other sexually, within reason.
Both parties are to treat each other with the greatest possible degree of tenderness, care and love, and to nurse each other through sickness.
Both parties are obligated, under pain of legal punishment, to do their utmost to raise their children with love, tenderness and consideration. All family decisions are to be made with the welfare of the children in mind. Both parties are obligated to make sure their children have as healthy and happy a childhood as possible, and must do all they can to make sure the children grow into healthy, strong, happy adults.
So I'm an idealistic sap...I can live with that.
End:
This is a lifetime contract. It is not to be broken except under the most extreme of circumstances. Should these circumstances arise, the default arrangement shall entail the former couple living in close proximity to each other as long as their children are minors, and affording the children maximum access to the parents.
Through this contract, society does grant the parties the legal right to create children and raise them. Breaking the contract shall injure these children's souls and minds, and society shall pay the price for this. Breaking this contract is, therefore, a punishable offense.
There is no greater bliss than that of married love. Enjoy.
I didn’t say they had to be heartless bastards. I said they have not business defining or involving themselves in your marriage. Seriously, do you really want to live in a country where our elected officials have a say in defining what love, commitment and the emotional aspects of marriage? Do you really want Ashcroft declaring Marriage Policy?
It’s not cold, it’s proper and it’s personal liberty.
Look at it this way: suppose that you became crippled and can't provide for yourself. Your husband supports you for five years, and then files for divorce. You can look at it as him deserting you, or you can consider that you got five years of support--because he could have divorced you immediately after you became crippled. But no one ever seems to consider the value of that, but take it for granted.
Likewise the partner who stays home and neglects their ability to provide for him or herself. The other partner provided for them for any number of years. Now they are choosing not to. Why should the sah receive more money, given that they've already gotten a free ride for as many years as they didn't provide for themselves? They made the choice to remove themselves from the job marke, they were provided for from that moment to the time of divorce. Why should they receive anything else?
Thoughtful--I'm talking about child support, not alimony, in income transfer. Alimony is largely a payment of the past.
Oh, no prob ... I thought you were "shouting" at us. For some reason your two previous posts appear as HUGE font.
I was using a font called French script MT which I guess not everybody has. That's why you see it as large.
Party A does hereby enter into a lifetime union with Party B, with the purpose of creating children and raising them to maturity.
Party A takes upon him/herself to lead the family in its decisions while consulting party B and to make decisions based on the good of the entire family; to shoulder the main burden of providing for the family financially, and making sure all are clothed and fed and sheltered and educated, to the best of his/her ability. Party A shall make financial decisions in an unselfish manner and make sure the needs of the entire family are taken care of in an equitable manner. Party B shall have a say in the financial decisions and Party A shall not use his/her greater control over finances in order to unduly humiliate or mistreat party B or any of the children.
Party A is responsible for making sure the entire family is protected from physical harm at the hands of strangers, and for protecting them with his/her own body if need be. Party A is expected to serve in the national armed forces if he/she is called upon to do so.
Neither party shall use physical force to injure, bully, threaten or intimidate the other, or any of the children.
Neither party shall have sexual relations with any other party other than the partner in marriage (A with B, B with A) without the express consent of the partner.
Sexual relations between the parties are meant for enjoyment and procreation and shall not be of a forced or unpleasant nature.
>>>
I think that ostracism has declined in its effectiveness as an enforcer of social contracts. This has both good and bad points. For example, used to be that the power of ostracism was largely sufficient to keep the number of unwed births in check -- if pregnancy resulted from sex among an unmarried couple, then the couple got married. Sure there might be whispering and the gossip mongers might be counting backwards from the date of birth, but the practice was widespread and effective enough to 1) reduce the incidence of sex before marriage or 2) provide that when sex before marriage resulted in pregnancy, the children were provided a relatively stable environement because the pressure to marry was significant.
I think that several things have changed the effectiveness of ostracism in these cases. First, the development of effective birth control and abortion: sex didn't necessarily mean pregnancy and pregnancy didn't necessarily mean children. I think that the reduction of traditional consequences reduced the necessity for and effectiveness of ostracism.
I'm not advocating a return to ostracism to ensure that marriages stay together. I think that basically that cat's out of the bag.
Party B shall be responsible for tending the children in their younger years (birth to puberty) and for making sure the homemaking (cleaning, cooking etc.) is taken care of properly, and/or taking care of it him/herself if need be. Party B shall strive to be physically present in the children's vicinity and accessible to the children to the greatest extent possible, and shall represent them and their needs loyally where they are incapable of representing themselves. Party B shall not use his/her greater closeness to the children to incite them against Party B, but shall try and bring the children as close as possible to Party A, and to encourage a bond of mutual love and respect between them and Party A.
Both parties are obligated to do their best to satisfy each other sexually, within reason.
Both parties are to treat each other with the greatest possible degree of tenderness, care and love, and to nurse each other through sickness.
Both parties are obligated, under pain of legal punishment, to do their utmost to raise their children with love, tenderness and consideration. All family decisions are to be made with the welfare of the children in mind. Both parties are obligated to make sure their children have as healthy and happy a childhood as possible, and must do all they can to make sure the children grow into healthy, strong, happy adults.
>>>
This is a lifetime contract. It is not to be broken except under the most extreme of circumstances. Should these circumstances arise, the default arrangement shall entail the former couple living in close proximity to each other as long as their children are minors, and affording the children maximum access to the parents.
Through this contract, society does grant the parties the legal right to create children and raise them. Breaking the contract shall injure these children's souls and minds, and society shall pay the price for this. Breaking this contract is, therefore, a punishable offense.
There is no greater bliss than that of married love. Enjoy.
RP, yeah, don't have that font resident on my system so it looks like a +5 Times Roman
You have it backwards. Marriage has always been a contract. Originally, the contract for the poor was along the lines of: I'll cook and clean and provide sex, you provide food and claim the resulting progeny as your own. The contract for the rich was always extremely specific--and in fact, I believe the rich originated marriage, or maybe it was the rulers. Over time, the contract for the poor became that of the middle class, and choice and love moved into the picture. But unlike the rich, who spelled out divorce pretty clearly, the rest did not--because by and large there were religious restrictions against divorce. People just didn't do it.
When the state did move into the picture, it was able to make safe assumptions about the contract that had been provided up to that time: women couldn't work, women were expected to quit their jobs, women needed support, women had traded housecleaning and sex for children, and so on. Thus fault was key, in determining whether the woman--who would always need support--should get it or whether the marriage had broken up due to her behavior. Back in those days, divorce laws corresponded with the reality of the default contract.
But the default contract doesn't correspond to reality any more. Women don't require looking after, women can work, women are legally (if not actually) equally responsible for their children. They are responsible for their own choices, and can make many choices without any permission or consent from their husbands. The default divorce contract still acts as if decisions are joint, as if consent has been given, and "pays out" the same regardless of performance.
I think you entirely discount the value of what a SAH parent does -- if the person doesn't draw a paycheck, then his or her contributions are seen as worthless. From your descriptions of your ideal world, it sounds as if you would have the courts adopt that valuation as well. From my experience with my stay-at-home mom, her contributions were not worthless. She tended the kids, made our clothes, kept the house, was the primary health care provider and tacher, planted and tended the garden, preserved produce, took care of livestock, helped with homework and made sure that we were each socialized so that we were able to do what she and my dad were able to do. I don't suppose I will ever understand why you think that this role is worthless and seem to equate it with so many years spent watching soap operas and eating bon bons.
I didn't make any comments on the substance of the contract. In most jurisdictions, I gather the default contract defined by applicable marriage law is out of date.
The default divorce contract still acts as if decisions are joint, as if consent has been given, and "pays out" the same regardless of performance.
I am not fully tracking the argument behind your assertion that marital decisions about stay at home spouses and the division of domestic responsibilities cannot be joint decisions. Most couples have at least a general idea of the norms and biases assumed in their jurisdictions divorce laws, even if these are not talked about when marital decisions are made. The fallout upon divorce is discernible if not usually discussed upfront, and this fallout is tacitly understood by both parties as part of their expectations with respect to the various risks and sacrifices associated with any particular domestic arrangement. Couples don't go into these things blind. Marital decisions are generally joint, if not fully articulated.
If my daughter marries and then drops out of the workforce because she wants plenty of time to clean and decorate the apartment, and anyway her husband will provide for her, I will advise her that she is being foolish. It doesn't mean a clean and aesthetically pleasing home isn't a valuable thing.
I don't think that I would (if I had children) quit my job in order to stay home with children. I would not presume to impose that decision on my sister who stayed home because her son had a serious heart defect and mixing in the typical child care setting would have meant picking up every cold and flu -- possibly killing him before he was old enough to have open heart surgery to correct the defect.
Nor would I insist that the courts should reflect my own cautiousness about relinquishing my earning power and job history by finding stay at home parents unsuitable for custody of their children and leaving them penniless in the event of a divorce. Just because it's not a choice I would make does not mean that having stay-at-home parents care for young children is a "wrong" choice without value to society.
Incidentally, you DO see a difference in the value to society between caring for one's children and cleaning and decorating one's apartment?
>>>Incidentally, you DO see a difference in the value to society between caring for one's children and cleaning and decorating one's apartment?
Yup. I should also point out that I work full time, and I care for my daughter. Presumably your dad also took care of his children. The added value of SAHM-ing is surely not that they are caring for their children where other parents are not.
Value to society is a vague standard. I would look at the specific impact on the children ivolved. What are the benefits, what are the risks compared to households where mom is employed throughout? How do children fare in divorce scenario A where mom is a SAHM versus divorce scenario B where mom has her own income?
There are more abstract questions of equity and women's equality and whatnot too, that might enter the picture. The blanket statement "women are responsible for providing for their children" seems to provoke storms of outrage where the statement "men are responsible for providing for their children" wouldn't even be noticed. I don't think that's a good thing. Of course, divorce law may not be the right tool to rectify the problem.
When divorce is granted, the court may compel one party to make such suitable allowance to the other party for support during the life of that other party or for a shorter period as the court may deem just, having regard to the circumstances of the parties and the court may from time to time modify its orders in these respects. However, an award of alimony in a lump sum cannot be modified, even if it is to be paid in installments. There are essentially three types of alimony: permanent, restitutional and rehabilitative. Permanent alimony is an allowance for support and maintenance (i.e. the providion of food, clothing, habitation and other necessities) of a spouse. When a party requests permanent alimony, they must establish that they have a need for support and that their spouse has sufficient means and abilities to provide for part or all of the need. Restitutional and rehabilitative alimony, in contrast to permanent alimony, are for a specified period of time.
The respective fault of the parties is a factor to be considered in awarding alimony of any type. The factors to be considered in awarding alimony include: the length of the marriage, the parties' respective financial conditions after the property division; the parties' respective ages, health and physical conditions; the parties' station in life or social standing; and the parties' relative fault in the termination of the marriage. Further, in setting the amount and duration of rehabilitative alimony, the parties' foregone educational and employment opportunities during the marriage, the lentgh of absence from the job market, the parties' health, and the skills and time necessary to become self sufficient must be considered. Rehabilitative alimoney is designed to provide the means necessary to enable a spouse to refresh or enhance job skills necessary to become self sufficient and provide financial support while the spouse is obtaining necessary training.
Sure we can, because often the State is asked to pick of the “consequence slack” of parents who deliberately and willfully chose to remove themselves from the job market which in turn usually limits their ability to support their children. It is much more expedient and cost-efficient to place the children with the parent that is capable of providing what has to be Parental Responsibility #1 – feeding, housing and clothing the child.
They are unsuitable to care for their children because they can’t, through willful and deliberate choices, support them. (Note: this excludes people who are unable to support children due to an act of God, maiming, illness, etc.)
and leaving them penniless in the event of a divorce.
Since when did it become acceptable to consider CS as also being alimony?
Specifically? I dunno. Indirectly? Numerous studies have suggested that financial instability is one of the top three causes of long-term negative outcomes in children of divorce.
The usual response to this point is “Make Dad pay more”. I think it is more than time for us to start looking at the other side of the parenting fence for financial accountability.
As a single person, who, if he does get married, will only do so when he is financially stable, and who is highly unlikely to have children, I am getting a little tired of subsidizing married couples and their children in various small but not always inconsequnetial ways. For example:
1) I am tired of the increasing tendency of couples to treat their weddings (and the attendant bachelor parties, showers and celebrations) as revenue generating exercises that, in the end, yield a profit for the couple. This especially irks me when the couple getting married has already been cohabitating for some time or have already achieved a reasonable degree of financial stability.
2) As an uncle twelve (13?) times over, I am tired of having to constantly ante up with presents in celebration of every milestone or holiday deemed especially fun for children.
3) It bugs me that couples receive certain tax credits unavailable to me as a single person.
4) I am irked that, in certain markets, single people often get paid less than individuals of comparable or lesser skill, performing comparable or lesser jobs, but who happen to have children.
On the subject of 1 and 2, I would say that invitations to celebrations are not invoices for dry goods. If folks extend them as such, decline.
On the subject of 4, that does seem rather unjust.
On the subject of 3, I can understand why that would bug you.
I understand what you are saying about weddings. i suggest you take up a craft like crochet or sewing or some such and give people crappy homemade gifts from now on. that's what i do. but then my friends would not be terribly concerned by me giving heartfelt gifts instead of money.
As a single person, who, if he does get married, will only do so when he is financially stable, and who is highly unlikely to have children, I am getting a little tired of subsidizing married couples and their children in various small but not always inconsequnetial ways.
amen brother!
i'd add though, you should try looking at this as i do.
try watching through the window while forced to support a government run structure which will (in our lifetimes) never allow me (and those like me) to access and participate in no matter what i do. it's sad and frustrating to watch het couples flaunt their 'lifestyles'.
most only have said lifestyle due to subsidizes and most are too stupid to recognize that fact.
Can either partner prevent the action if they don't concur? If not, then it isn't joint.
Put another way, does the state care if your wife quit work and you didn't want her to? Will it make any difference in your child support payments? No.
It ain't joint.
duck, i really agree with what you've said and so does my mom...things may change in this lifetime. I really hope so.
Poo poo on you!
"3) It bugs me that couples receive certain tax credits unavailable to me as a single person."
Why? Your lives are different, just accept it.
As far as the stay at home mom discussion is concerned, we have five kids and my wife stays at home. If the option were open to us that she could work and we'd do something else with the kids, like daycare, etc., there is simply no way we would do so. I can't think of a more important job than being a mother, and being around as a mother is vital. My wife agrees.
Parents who VOLUNTARILY see their small ones all of a couple hours a day are not fit, in my humble opinion, to be considered parents. (and yes, I said this to get ire flowing freely!).
Turning down wedding invites and child related celebrations is easier said than done, but you are correct I am free to abstain from such things. For once, however, I'd like to see those wonderful words on an invitation: Your presence is the only present expected, or however it goes.
ducky,
You have far greater reason to gripe than I do. At least, if I do get married or have children, I will get payback. You, otoh, will not have that privilege.
betty,
I understand what you are saying about weddings. i suggest you take up a craft like crochet or sewing or some such and give people crappy homemade gifts from now on.
I just drink and eat as much as I can at weddings to balance out the equities of the event as much as possible. But your suggestion makes sense, too. My secret desire is to throw a family get together designed to help fund my planned move to England (which is currently slated for October).
Cal,
When do they get paid more?
In various job markets, it is simply assumed that married men and women should get paid more than single men and women. I don't have statistics to quote, but I have experienced this at various times in my working life, albeit not in my present situation. I would venture that it is a relatively pervasive bias in the job market.
hehe
i agree with that one too!
Their lives are different. Just accept it.
I know. Feels good to consider it though, don't it? :)
how so?
Presumable you must be working to support the family… so you aren’t a parent Kuligin? You’re just the wallet that allows your wife to be a parent?
"3) It bugs me that couples receive certain tax credits unavailable to me as a single person."
Why? Your lives are different, just accept it.
not that i wish to speak for TJ (as he'll no doubt do better than i will), but the point is that non-married people get tired of paying to subsidize married people so they can continue to breed and choke an already over-populated planet.
Parents who VOLUNTARILY see their small ones all of a couple hours a day are not fit, in my humble opinion, to be considered parents. (and yes, I said this to get ire flowing freely!).
i'm sure you'd feel differently if they were all fellow snake-handlers, KtH.
thanks betty. i hope as well, but i don't think so - wish i could.
In various job markets, it is simply assumed that married men and women should get paid more than single men and women. I don't have statistics to quote, but I have experienced this at various times in my working life, albeit not in my present situation. I would venture that it is a relatively pervasive bias in the job market.
Been quite awhile since you've looked for a job, has it?
My dad was absolutely and completely clueless about caring for home and children. The few times my mom was hospitalized, we kids were divvied up and packed off to relatives and neighbors. My dad, god love him, is the only person I know who would starve to death in front of a full refrigerator rather than make himself a sandwich.
How do they "pay for" married couples? When's the last time you sent a married couple money?
Partially true. Earning rates are in order below highest to lowest
Married men w/children
Single men & women,
Married women w/children single men w/children
Single women w/children
Look for cite.
My ex and I put a little poem on the bottom of our invitation:
Your presence, not presents, is what we desire,
But if you should feel that weddings require a gift,
then feel free! But please, take note:
The bride and the groom plan to live on a boat
vw, try reading my post again.
KtH: how so?
please. 98% of America is geared towards breeders in almost all facets. all day every day. it's too nauseating to even attempt to list the ways this is so here in America.
He took responsibility for your care though, right? And he had the "resources" to do so, and you did receive it?
Not that I'm endorsing that style of parenting.
That would be illegal here, I believe. My take is the same as JoeZan's--how long has it been since you worked? Obviously, I know you work, but that's the sort of thing that's some 30 years out of date.
April 15, 2002
They are unsuitable to care for their children because they can’t, through willful and deliberate choices, support them. (Note: this excludes people who are unable to support children due to an act of God, maiming, illness, etc.)
This assumes SO many things: 1. That the parent with the income WANTS custody of the kids. This frequently isn't the case.
2. That the decision to become a SAH parent was unilateral. It usually isn't.
3. That there is something socially irresponsible about staying at home with one's children instead of a taking a job -- any job -- that may or may not even cover the cost of child care.
and that's just the beginning.
rubber, I'm still not sure how they "flaunt" their lifestyle, though. I'm trying to think how I in certain ways flaunt my lifestyle, and I can't come up with any. I was single until I was 27 and never felt this way about any married couples I knew.
That is what I meant by "voluntarily" being laden with meaning. Too many couples trade time with their kids, have someone else bring them up, and so on, just so they can "enjoy life." Selfish bastards if you ask me.
rubber, you sent that money to the government, not to any married couple. There is a big difference. Go read up.
Been quite awhile since you've looked for a job, has it?
I am currently in a decent paying, but likely dead end job, and will soon be looking for work in England. I have worked as a securities lawyer and before that at various other jobs to pay for my schooling. In my experience, job markets pay a premium to married people, and especially married people with children. Your response will likely be, well just negotiate a better situation, to which I reply: it is hard to negotiate a better situation when the partiular bias is consistent throughout your particular market.
Admittedly: I am speaking from experience, without doing research I can at most provide anecdotal support and probably overstated earlier when I referred to the trend as pervasive. Still, fwiw, I suspect there is a bias in various job markets against single individuals.
He took responsibility for your care though, right? And he had the "resources" to do so, and you did receive it?
So it's ok to shuffle the kids off to neighbors and relatives when the SAH parent is too ill to care for them, but in in a divorce scenario the SAH parent's job is virtually worthless and custody should be assumed for the parent who is absolutely clueless about what to do with the kids?
ever slobber on your woman in public?
ever show public displays of affection without the slightest concern for ramifications?
houses, wills, joint ownerships, etc. all of these things are just assumed for you, Kuligin. enjoy it.
others may do it in some form or other, but never with the sheer absence of thought as married breeders with 2.5 kids.
think you entirely discount the value of what a SAH parent does
Well, let's start with the fact that the sah doesn't in fact have to do anything. The contract doesn't penalize for non-performance. Thus a woman married to a millionaire who doesn't work, has a nanny, a housekeeper, a gardener and a social secretary, might not be providing anything at all. Her contract payout in the event of divorce will be substantially more than that of a woman married to a middle manager at Clorox, who loves to sew, keeps a clean house, coaches tee-ball, and has dinner on the table every night by 6. So there is no correlation between value provided--if any--and value paid. Remember, she'll get the same amount in community property even if she doesn't have kids.
Second, the issue is whether or not the SAH can afford to provide the value for the payment. Thus, the woman married to the middle manager might be providing a value of $30,000/year--not the housework and cooking, which has to be done anyway, but the sewing, the coaching, and the daycare substitute. But what will she be paid for it? Even without divorcing, she will never receive the value of the labor, but that's not really important. If she is divorced, she will certainly not receive the value of that $30K per year, nor will she be reimbursed for the opportunity cost of providing it. (This, you may say, is why the income transfer is appropriate. I'll get to that in a moment) So could she afford to provide that value? Can she provide for her kids without her husband? Or, if she had worked, could the couple have funded someone to sew their own clothes, cook dinner and have it on the table, coach teeball, and so on? Would they have paid $30K? What if they couldn't have afforded the $30K? Should they have put it on their credit cards?
cont'd.
Remember, there's no requirement that she provide value. The woman who didn't do a thing except pick the kids up after school gets the same payout. But suppose she did provide value. The issue is, could she afford to provide that value for the payment? Could her husband afford to pay it? Answer: no. Therefore, she made a bad decision, and since she made it unilaterally, she should bear the cost of that decision fully.
Now, back to the husband and why the income transfer is still inappropriate: it is inappropriate because it is not enough. It is by no means sufficient to offset the loss the non-working partner took. If he were required to commit to the actual cost, he simply would not agree--it would make it clear to him the debt that was involved.
cont'd.
when i have extra money, every tax day i will send a little donation to a gay adoption or lobbying group of some kind. I wouldn't have thought of that on my own, thanks for the idea.
Hey, I don't have tax info in front of me, but isn't the exclusion for a married couple just double that for a single person?
Suffice it to say that neither the husband or the wife are making an informed decision. What is actually happening is that the husband is purchasing his wife's ability to stay home and do whatever she wants--from providing no value, to providing lots of value. The price he pays is identical, no matter what she does. In the event of a divorce, the husband may end up paying more than he planned for past activities that he almost certainly doesn't value as highly as he will be asked to pay for them. The wife will certainly end up realizing that she was not reimbursed anywhere near the loss she will suffer.
The system thus reinforces really irresponsible behavior, and it also is very hard on children who are often deprived of both their fathers and a consistent standard of living in the event of a divorce. That's bad enough: what's worse is that women are encouraged in this behavior by society, in the idiotic and completely disproved notion that it is best for their children.
I had a friend that had that happen. First his wife ran off because she didn't want custody of the kids. Then he left them in a KMart because he didn't want custody either.
You wouldn't believe the fuss that was made over that.
ever show public displays of affection without the slightest concern for ramifications?
houses, wills, joint ownerships, etc. all of these things are just assumed for you, Kuligin. enjoy it.
others may do it in some form or other, but never with the sheer absence of thought as married breeders with 2.5 kids."
This is nonsensical! Homosexual couples have "slobbered" over each other in public and public displays of affection. If you mean by "ramifications" fear of being abused for it, etc. that doesn't equate with "flaunting" anything. You just have a chip on your shoulder too large to remove, that's all.
Thanks for your pay ranking. That aligns with my personal experience. I look forward to your cite.
Cal,
It may technically speaking, be illegal to show bias towards single individuals; but the putative illegality doesn't necessarily prevent the trend from happenning. Laws are only effective if enforced and, in the case where the enforcment remdy is civil, the law is only effective if people go to the trouble of launching lawsuits. Most single people, however, aren't going to go to the trouble of launching such a suit, because they are resigned to the status quo.
Thanks for your pay ranking. That aligns with my personal experience. I look forward to your cite.
Cal,
It may technically speaking, be illegal to show bias towards single individuals; but the putative illegality doesn't necessarily prevent the trend from happenning. Laws are only effective if enforced and, in the case where the enforcment remdy is civil, the law is only effective if people go to the trouble of launching lawsuits. Most single people, however, aren't going to go to the trouble of launching such a suit, because they are resigned to the status quo.
And cool poem by the way.
Heh. I've pointed that out before. The parent who leaves first ought to be held to the same standard as the parent who leaves kids alone. They never are, though.
VW's cite has to do with earnings, not salary discrimination. So I don't see how that will support your claim.
It may technically speaking, be illegal to show bias towards single individuals; but the putative illegality doesn't necessarily prevent the trend from happenning.
So basically you are saying that you feel discriminated against, therefore it must be true?
Want has nothing to do with it. Rasing children you bring into the world is a responsibility. I think it’s high frickin’ time we stop with this “want” shit. Wanting ot not wanting needed to happen before conception.
That the decision to become a SAH parent was unilateral. It usually isn't.
Again, that doesn’t matter. There is no compelling reason for the state to incur the related costs of negotiating income transfers when a financially stable parent is available.
That there is something socially irresponsible about staying at home with one's children instead of a taking a job -- any job -- that may or may not even cover the cost of child care.
Staying at home is not socially irresponsible. Not being able to financially support your children is. It just so happens that many people choose to stay at home with taking the necessary steps to ensure financial stability.
Children are better off, all risks considered, if both parents maintain an income stream. It doesn't matter what they use the money for. In fact, they could burn one check in a ritual pyre every week. The kids are better off.
So, both parents work, don't see the kids nearly as much as they could, etc., then take the one pay check and burn it, and that is BETTER (??) than one of them staying home with the children and raising them??
puh-leaze
I do note this phrase and the previous discussion. I assume you are viewing divorce as a risk to consider, therefore, the kids are better off because, if divorce occurs, both parents have an income, right?
The thing is, what you are saying then is basically "let's stiff time with our kids now just in case we divorce." That sort of logic ends up in divorce, I'd say.
You are the one who is always and forever talking about the lazy stay-at-home wife. I have talked almost exclusively about the stay at home "parent" recognizing that this could be either the male or the female. It's rather evident that you have a hard-on for women who stay at home to care for their children. In the case where I criticized A male for being clueless about child care, I was talking about a specific male -- my father -- who WAS truly clueless about what to do with his children when my mom was incapacitated.
What's more, I am familiar with several cases in which the woman was required to pay alimony and/or child support. My brother received sole custody of his son and was due child support which she frequently failed to pay. I hold her to the same standard as a deadbeat mom that I use for deadbeat dads.
With that, it is good night from me. But before I go, can someone confirm for me that a married couple basically gets twice the exclusion that a single person gets?
VW's cite may or may not support my claim. We'll see.
So basically you are saying that you feel discriminated against, therefore it must be true?
I was careful to hedge my assertions. I won't necessarily bank on my experience, but fwiw I have seen others and, in the past. I myself have received lower pay than other less qualified individuals who happen to be married with children. Either way, your assertion about the illegality of such "discrimination" (I prefer bias in this instance) doesn't mean that such discrimination doesn't exist.
The hardest working people I have known in my life, at least, have been stay-at-home mothers. And I still wonder how they ever pulled it off!
Your original post said:
I am irked that, in certain markets, single people often get paid less than individuals of comparable or lesser skill, performing comparable or lesser jobs, but who happen to have children.
Given that you have now acknowledged that this is illegal, I can't see why this would make your list of outrages. You also imply, in this post, that it is standardized.
OTOH, in the event of a divorce, the working parent may be able to cover their incompetencies by hiring cleaning/cooking services, purchasing childcare, tagging in relatives etc..
The penniless unemployable parent (to take the worse case) can't cover the lack of income with their housekeeping skills.
okay, i'm wrong and don't know what i'm talking about. you win.
people like you are oblivious to things not of their own, small & limited world.
thanks, betty, you continue to make me glad you are here these days.
You’re missing the point. It’s not primarily about how much more money a 2nd income brings into the house today. As a policy, it’s not about getting more “stuff” (I can’t answer to what individuals do, but than neither can you).
It’s about not negating employability in the event you are left to care for the children alone.
It’s about maintaining the ability to provide for children, which is a primary responsibility of bringing them into the world.
It’s about the ability to support oneself, which is a primary responsibility for being an adult.
The legality or illegality of the discrimination is not at issue in terms of how it plays in society. Smoking pot is illegal, but tons of people do it, and (in Canada) it is given a low priority by law enforcement. Salary bias against single individuals MAY be illegal in Canada, but I doubt anyone is going to do anything about it, becasue society would frown against those who tried (and the courts themselves) would be less than sympathetic to the issue, regardless of its merits.
And I never said anything about outrage. I said certain biases against single individuals are irksome. I don't advocate make a federal case out of any of my -- as I said, admittedly idiosyncratic -- gripes.
Oh horse shit. The hardest working people in the world are single parents who are both employee and parent. They’ve got two jobs, while a SAHP may barely have one.
The penniless unemployable parent (to take the worse case) can't cover the lack of income with their housekeeping skills.
So it's ok to pay someone else to do what the SAH parent had been doing, but it's beyond the pale to expect compensation for the person who had been doing the job? As far as I'm concerned, the person who has no clue how to care for their children is no more fit for custody than the person who doesn't have the income.
And assuming that there are jobs out there to help the income earners compensate for their inabilities, I would also assume that there are jobs out there for people with childcare and housekeeping skills.
You are spouting anecdotes in support of social policy. That's why gender is particularly inappropriate. In fact, it would be nice if you could keep anecdotes out entirely, given your inability to use them properly. I merely got tired of saying "him or her" and used the standard situation.
It's rather evident that you have a hard-on for women who stay at home to care for their children.
Certainly not a hard-on. But yes, I do think parents who stay home without the ability to provide for their children are extremely irresponsible, and inflict a substantial social and financial cost. The overwhelming majority of these parents are women.
This strikes me as quite funny, especially since you are doing all the whining! I just think you are bitter because you don't have what others do, that's all. I was single for a number of years too, but I didn't whine about it when a couple kissed in the park or held hands. I thought it was special, just like giving your nieces and nephews gifts is special too.
Like I said, I'm just not jaded enough. I should hang around you a little while to become so, right?
Have a good night, rubber, and have some dip with that chip!
BTW TJ: I don’t believe the wage differences are an indication of discrimination. I’ve seen some small surveys in a limited number of industries (advertising being one of them) showing that married men w/children are the most likely to do the things that lead to promotion and salary increase (travel extensively, longer hours, etc.)
Seemingly, salary level is dependent on what you are willing to do for it.
They are compensated. What do you call the cost of paying for their entire life during the time they don't work, if not compensation?
Please … acceptable child rearing performance is hardly rocket science. “Getting a clue” is a matter of weeks for a mentally competent adult.
Then if you can't answer to what individuals do, you can't talk about "policy." And for many people it IS about stuff. Look around American society.
Anyway, vw said bullshit to my comment about hard-working stay-at-home moms. This comes from the person that can't answer to what individuals do.
So, I'll say it again. The hardest working people I have known have been stay-at-home mothers, and if you don't call that a "job" or say that a SAHP barely has one job, you have no clue what you are talking about.
And if you have kids, I feel sorry for them.
And assuming that there are jobs out there to help the income earners compensate for their inabilities, I would also assume that there are jobs out there for people with childcare and housekeeping skills.
There are. Do you know what they pay? Do you think any middleclass woman who stays at home could afford the life her husband pays for on that pay? And, mind you, since she doesn't have a resume, she wouldn't be able to get much in the way of money even in those jobs--because employers rightfully suspect anyone who has been out of the work market for that long.
And you would re-engineer social policy to bolster your prejudice against people who make child rearing decisions of which you disapprove.
I do think parents who stay home without the ability to provide for their children are extremely irresponsible, and inflict a substantial social and financial cost.
As opposed to those who would stack the courts and family law so as to intevene in couples' decision making as to how to raise their children?
Oh brother. No doubt you just plop them in front of the boob tube. Pretty easy, yup, yup, yup.
Hahaha! What a crock! You obviously haven't met many working parents--who have all the responsibilities of parenting and providing.
(sigh) Look, what one individual does is not important to policy. We have to look at the effect of public good and overall trends. It really isn’t that difficult.
and if you don't call that a "job" or say that a SAHP barely has one job, you have no clue what you are talking about.
Have you been a SAP mom? Have you been a working single parent responsible for both childcare and income? I have.
And if you have kids, I feel sorry for them.
I’ll let them know you’re concerned. I’m sure they’ll be heartened to know you care.
WTF? As opposed to stacking them with people who would insist on me paying for someone else's inability to get a job once WOHP is gone through death, divorce or whatever?
And I guess Bubaette could read Nickel and Dimed, I haven't read it myself but I hear it gives a real good idea of all the big bucks to be had by a displaced homemaker with excellent housekeeping skills.
Tell me Cal and VW, except for the right wing whackos does this discussion actually play out any differently from venue to venue? I mean there is less of the stick up the ass Miss Prisses here but I think the scary Promise Keepers more than make up for them in sheer "what the hell planet are these people from?" frissons of terror running up my spine...
No, I think it's quite a reasonable request. Which is why SAH's should draw up a contract spelling out exactly the income they expect their partners to provide them for services rendered. And it should be paid continuously for the lifetime of the child, not only upon the termination of the marriage, and the SAH should be socking it away in an individual account so that in the event of a divorce they are able to continue supporting their kids.
But you put that upfront in the marriage contract and the net result might be a lot less SAH-ing.
Child rearing is hard work. My wife is the hardest working person I know. Those of you who say it is easy or who attempt to minimize the value are part of society's problem, it's that simple. You have no clue what it means to society and by poo poohing it, you just make matters worse.
And besides, you dunderheads are missing the point. You can't comment on my personal experience! So bugger off.
Single parents have it very difficult, I don't doubt. But that doesn't mean that stay-at-home moms don't have it difficult too. It is not an either/or here.
It is that difficult when you change words. In this instance, you didn't use the word "policy" to speak of public policy. Go look at your own post.
I am happy you have pulled off the working parent so effectively. I really am. But that still doesn't give you the right to denegrate stay-at-home mothers who work their butts off providing for their families. So you can pat yourself on the back all you want to, and I am genuinely happy for you, but you have no right to attack others in the process.
Proximity for the 8-10 hours a kid is in daycare daily is not required to be a parent. Not a single daycare worker is going to put a roof over a kid's head, clothes on their backs, food in their tummies.
My wife is the hardest working person I know.
My mother is the hardest-working person I know--she raised four children while working full-time. So what?
And besides, you dunderheads are missing the point. You can't comment on my personal experience! So bugger off.
Well, then, don't bring it up.
No not really. It’s one of the few things about which I can say (with a straight face) that we are talking about a paradigm shift.
There has been 50+ years of investment in the cultural truth a mother at home trumps all other possibilities and cures all other social ills and deficits. Unfortunately, the data doesn’t bare that out.
Housewives provide nothing for their families, at least in the sense that working parents do.
You have been spending a fair amount of time commenting on how you think other people are raising their children.
I hope that you are not one of those husbands who are content to let their SAH wife do all the work, while you do little to help.
And there's your problem Erin R. You think that financially provision is parenting, and that's it. "Yup, so long as my kid has clothing, food to eat and a roof over his head, who cares if I don't spend time with him? I sure as heck don't."
And there's your problem. You have a simplistic and pathetic view of what parenting entails. And therefore, you can make simplistic and pathetic conclusions about it.
Well, it matters a great deal. vw would have us believe that what your mother did doesn't even constitute "half a job." I strongly disagree.
"I hope that you are not one of those husbands who are content to let their SAH wife do all the work, while you do little to help."
wombat, I do a great deal and am blessed to be able to do so. Thanks for asking.
Along with love, support, encouragement, opportunities, etc., of course.
Working parents do all of this, they keep the house livable, they cook, they buy groceries, etc. In short, everything housewives provide.
But they also provide financial support.
No, but the daycare worker may be teaching them right and wrong, how to think and act, what is good and bad to say and do, and all sorts of things in those 8-10 hours EACH WORKING DAY of that child's life.
So let's do the math. 8 hours the kid sleeps. Over one third of the child's life is spent at daycare in the care of someone else.
So you as the working parent has less than one third of the child's life with which to deal in that day. And you say oh, that's okay, because I am providing food and clothing and a roof. Good for you!
I am sorry about the being snitty … I’m hot and cranky (it’s 97 here and humid). But I do truly believe that parents who take themselves out of the employment pool are gambling with their well-being and the well-being of their children.
There is no credible evidence that children of working parents are any better or worse off than children with a parent at home. There are tremendous amounts of research documenting the long-term harmful effect to children who are raised in financial instable families. Poverty comes second only to drug/alcohol abuse for harmful effects; it even beats our domestic violence. Financial Instability (better than poverty, but not good) has a litany of related negative outcomes.
I don’t hold this opinion because I’m a political extremist of bread or another, not because I hate women or am a rabid member of NOW. I’m actually pretty moderate.
I hold it because I’ve seen first hand the devastation that financial instability can cause families. I then did substantial reading and studying to find that I wasn’t imagining it, the harm is there.
Of course the decision is up to each parent. I am not advocating,“outlawing” SAHPs. But I must be clear, it’s a gamble and it’s gambling with your kids’ lives.
Along with love, support, encouragement, opportunities, etc., of course.
Working parents do all of this, they keep the house livable, they cook, they buy groceries, etc. In short, everything housewives provide.
But they also provide financial support."
Erin, I don't know if you saw my original posts on this topic, but my gripe was with working COUPLES who, instead of having one parent stay at home, decide to both work when they don't need to do so. That is my gripe.
Single parents, well, they have nothing but my deepest respect. But they are NOT doing what a stay-at-home mom does. While they are working, at least, someone else is doing that part. That my only point to make with you.
Otherwise, if you want me to praise single parents, I will gladly do so.
___________________
The first five years of a child's life are terribly formative. I have read studies which state that 95% of a person's personality is fixed by age 5. I just think it is important, if possible, that a parent be there at that time for the child, and not have someone else - who is responsible for many kids in any given day at the center - do the raising.
Right, so have we heard widespread reports that daycare workers are teaching Little Johnny and Jenny to worship Satan? Clean their guns before the next drive-by shooting?
I always wonder which frightening and horrible values people imagine daycare workers will share with their children.
So let's do the math. 8 hours the kid sleeps. Over one third of the child's life is spent at daycare in the care of someone else.
Ever hear of "school?" Why is this not acceptable at five years old, but OK at six?
And you say oh, that's okay, because I am providing food and clothing and a roof. Good for you!
Food, clothing and a roof, and everything else a housewife must also provide for her children.
vw, read my post above. My gripe is with couples who don't have to both work. And as for being snitty, don't worry about it! I have been snitty my fair share of times as well!
Aaaah, home schooling, there's an interesting issue to bring up. In evangelical Christian circles, that is a hot topic.
Values that are not your own. They don't have to teach them to worship Satan, which is needless hyperbole on your part meant to skirt the real issue.
I assume this means that the parent who works, is not truly parenting? That only the parent who stays at home is? Is this correct?
Expound, please. Which values bother you the most?
Sounds pseudoscientific to me. 95% of the personality? Not 94.72%?
I don't doubt that they're crucial years. But surely the years when their brains are actually disciplined and trained to think and filled with ideas are equally important?
I'm actually rather concerned that they aren't teaching those values. well, atleast the first one.
Define parenting, as you use the word.
What is right and wrong, how to treat others, what is proper vocabulary, etc. etc. etc.
"There is a tremendous value in early education for young children."
Who said there isn't?
Debby has already given the short answer to this. Bottom line, I'm not bolstering my prejudice. I think the financial and social costs are legitimate reason to require responsible child-rearing decisions, and to penalize those who don't make them.
Debby--what's weird is that the Mote is far more resistant (on both left and right) to understanding the basic paradigm switch, whereas people at TT got it--even if they didn't like it--right away. Granted, we discuss it a lot more there.
What is right and wrong, how to treat others, what is proper vocabulary, etc. etc. etc.
There are hundreds, if not thousands, of possible childcare configurations that teach and model these values.
You'll have to do better than that--I hope that wasn't your only objection.
Is a parent who is granted by the courts to see his or her child three times a week for two hours each time - all the while sending monetary support to the child - "parenting" by your rather non-descript and brief definition?
The examples can be multiplied over many times. That's all I have to say about "values" at this point.
Actually this is a gross simplification of a much more complex story. Unfortunately, the erroneous simplification has been embraced by the general public and imbued with all kinds of additional meaning.
I think it’s interesting to note that both the Religious Right and NOW have taken this “fact” and made it their own. The RR uses it to promote women leaving the work force to remain at home and NOW uses it to increase the “perceived” value of childcare when agitating for more substantial CS guidelines. So no one is looking to refute the misconception.
Is a parent who is granted by the courts to see his or her child three times a week for two hours each time - all the while sending monetary support to the child - "parenting" by your rather non-descript and brief definition?
Like it or not, a primary responsibility of a parent is to provide financially. I have seen a similar drama play out in another forum--in reality, the support-paying father is doing more than the custodial mother. He is at least making sure the child can eat.
I never said it wasn't. But I do note you didn't really answer my question. I need to know PRECISELY what your definition of "parenting" is before continuing this discussion. Thank you.
I can assure you, this sort of thing is not a part of regular daycare/pre-school curriculum.
Um, I thought you were the one who earlier chastised me for using "personal testimonies" in this discussion.
How you transmit your personal ethics, beliefs, etc. to your children is not the concern of the State. How you support (or don't) support your children and your ability to do so is in the interest of the State.
Given that it is always in the best interest of the State to encourage private citizens to take care of their families and themselves, it follows that the State has an interest in encouraging parents not to willfully and deliberately decrease their ability to support their children.
The easiest way to do this is to change the way we handle CS and custody in the event of a divorce. Rather than going through the laborious and expensive process of income transfer, you place the child with the parent that can support him or her.
The child does need to be financially supported but at what level? And at what loss? "You go live with mommy dear...she isn't good with kids, but makes much more than your daddy who can't walk well now. Even though he's a better emotional parent."
Our statutes, and for good reason, say custody will be awarded in what's in the best interest of the child. Later cases make it clear that financial interests are not the only interests to be taken into account.
If someone has a terrible disability, why should the other partner be legally responsible for supporting them unless they choose to be? What would happen if the person had been disabled and single? Should the state require his or her parents to be financially responsible? What if the disability occurred after the marriage ended--should the ex still be responsible then?
Seems to me that is a classic case of the state using a convenient wallet. When the state doesn't have a wallet, the person goes on state support. Why should this be any different?
Now, backing away from your rather extreme example into the real world:
"You go live with mommy dear...she isn't good with kids, but makes much more than your daddy who can't walk well now. Even though he's a better emotional parent."
"Better emotional parent"--first off, who is making this decision? Second, why should mommy give daddy money? Just because daddy can't "walk well now", daddy can support himself and the kids, right? If he can't, then the kids should live with mom, who can support them. That will give dad more ability and time to provide for himself. Remember, once the kids are 18, who will daddy be using for a wallet then? Mom won't have to pay any more. And if dad is continually broke, it will probably be up to the kids to give him money. Better that dad focus primarily on supporting himself than taking some small amount of money from mom to focus on the kids in the laughable notion that this is in the kids' "best interest". Ask the kids when they are 40, supporting dad, what was in their best interest.
If a parent can't even provide for himself, let alone his kids, then the best thing for the children is to put them in the care of someone who can provide for them. This is also what is in the best interest of the parents who, whether through choice or circumstance, can't provide for themselves.
Quite the contrary. Our ludicrous insistence on pretending that financial interests aren't critical has caused a great many children enormous damage.
Catching up again. Cal, I haven't seen you provide ANYTHING except your usual blanket pronouncments of how it ought to be in your ideal world. No anecdotes, no facts, nothing except the world according to Cal. So if you and VW have a problem with tough shit, I've seen nothing emperical from either of you that SAH parents are the irresponsible drags on society that you claim.
They are compensated. What do you call the cost of paying for their entire life during the time they don't work, if not compensation?
Room and board, the way you put it. And despite your distaste for anecdote, you have provided absolutely NOTHING to back up your assertions that the decision to stay at home is not a joint decision on the part of a couple, but a unilateral move on the part of the lazy wife that her poor put-upon husband is powerless to influence.
Neither is flipping burgers or answering telephones. But there's also the matter of the will to do the job. I'm still getting the impression that you feel it's preferable for a paid stranger to look after the children in the case of a divorce than for the parent who had been performing those duties to continue to do them, even in the absence of interest from the more valuable monied spouse.
Although I know you loathe anecdote, I happen to know a couple of women who keep children in their homes at about $125/kid/week. At the state max here in Va. of 5 kids per adult, that works out to $625/week. Not great, but not chicken feed either. (Although, of course, if the children in questions are the progeny of the women in question, this work is presumably worthless.)
And I guess Bubaette could read Nickel and Dimed, I haven't read it myself but I hear it gives a real good idea of all the big bucks to be had by a displaced homemaker with excellent housekeeping skills.
Actually, no, Debby. If you care to actually read what I wrote, I was proposing that the other parent provide a subsidy until the SAH parent gets back on his or her feet. This is typically recognized as child support (assuming that the SAH parent retains custody) and alimony to provide a subsistance until the formerly SAH gets back on his or her feet. It's really not such a novel concept -- in fact it's widely practiced by the courts.
VW has already pointed out once that it isn't stay at home parents, per se. It is financially irresponsible parents, who have children when they have no capacity to provide for them.
Do you wish to argue that these parents don't inflict a serious financial cost?
There are two primary categories of welfare parents: those who never bothered to provide for their child, either directly or by someone else's wallet (other than society) and those who counted on someone else's wallet and lost it.
Neither group is able to independently support themselves or their children. So there, for starters, is a significant social cost of financially irresponsible parents--not only welfare costs, but the abusive situation caused by being below the poverty level.
As you yourself have noted more than once, Bubba, the major reason for going on welfare is change in family status--usually the boyfriend or the husband left. You ever notice how the mom was never working in those situations?
In the middle and upper middle class, they usually don't go on welfare. But they spend a lot of taxpayer money in divorce courts, and wage garnishing, and all sorts of other penalties meant to transfer money from one parent to the other.
This isn't even counting the human cost of kids taking a substantial hit in standard of living because one parent decided to take a break from the workforce and is now a number of years behind.
Now, unless you wish to deny that family court (primarily involving divorce), social services to help parents get money from the other parent, and welfare payments aren't a serious social cost imposed by parental irresponsibility, I think I've provided all the cites I need.
This is certainly a pile of self-satisfied horse hockey. Erin has a job, so the experiences of billions of women over thousands of years are worth nothing. The only thing that has any worth is paid employment.
I don't have to provide anything other than the simple truth, which is that the decision must be unilateral. The only thing the partner can do is either express reservations or not. They can't legally prevent it. Thus it can't be joint.
BTW, "And despite your distaste for anecdote" would have to be followed with an example of my use of an anecdote. I didn't use one. The fact that I object to anecdotes being used as proof has nothing to do with the fact that you feel I haven't backed up my assertion. I have, of course, but even so your sentence makes no sense.
What is that called, anyone, when a phrase with despite or although is used but has no relationship to the primary sentence? Hanging something or other?
No, the only thing that contributes to the family's net assets is paid employment. The most a stay at home can do--and it isn't much--is offset the cost of daycare.
I note you didn't answer my posts of earlier today, btw.
There are two primary categories of welfare parents: those who never bothered to provide for their child, either directly or by someone else's wallet (other than society) and those who counted on someone else's wallet and lost it.
Neither group is able to independently support themselves or their children. So there, for starters, is a significant social cost of financially irresponsible parents--not only welfare costs, but the abusive situation caused by being below the poverty level.
As you yourself have noted more than once, Bubba, the major reason for going on welfare is change in family status--usually the boyfriend or the husband left. You ever notice how the mom was never working in those situations?
Most SAH moms in a divorce situation DON'T go on welfare, so it's mistaken to assume that they are a drag on society in the case of a divorce. Most of them DO go to work. I personally don't think that it's so outrageous for the non-custodial parent to provide support for his or her children, or to provide rehabilitative alimony of short duration while that parent does find a job. I have never argued that the formerly SAH parent is entitled to the same standard of living they held before the divorce. But I don't think that they are deserving of being left penniless and stripped of custody for having been so foolish as to assume that their staying home to care for their children was of value in the marital partnership.
But I don't think that they are deserving of being left penniless and stripped of custody for having been so foolish as to assume that their staying home to care for their children was of value in the marital partnership.
You don't consider any number of years living free of any expenses at all to be valuable?
In the "old" days when moms could apply if their kids were under 13, women who hadn't been working in the job market, often at their husband's request, were left with nothing when mr. wonderful left, and they were in the middle of a divorce....they were middle class and now were on welfare. Here comes the "a" word...these are things I know and saw firsthand in my practice.
This isn't even counting the human cost of kids taking a substantial hit in standard of living because one parent decided to take a break from the workforce and is now a number of years behind.
Now, unless you wish to deny that family court (primarily involving divorce), social services to help parents get money from the other parent, and welfare payments aren't a serious social cost imposed by parental irresponsibility, I think I've provided all the cites I need.
In most cases the money transferred is child support. In more and more cases (at least in my state) child support and custody are worked out in mediation for which the parents in question pay and the cases don't make it to court. Similarly, in my state if the CS paying parent makes his or her payments on time and in full, there is no garnishment involved.
As for the damage to the kids from reduced income, this is as a result of the divorce -- neither spouse tends to have the resources they had before the divorce because of having to pay for two households where there was formerly one household. Certainly a non-working parents are expected to work at this point and most do. But I still assert that in most cases the decision for one parent to stay home is a joint decision of the couple. You have provided nothing other than your assertions that this is not the case because, after all, what can the poor dad do if the lazy wife is determined to quit her job?
No, billions women over thousands of years have provided for their families by contributing to their family's economy.
Why on earth should we be paying for those 8 months? A working mother isn't given money for the months she takes off after disability is over.
And it's only recently the age was dropped at all--to say nothing of the fact that this is only since TANF, and now that all the people who didn't really need it have left the system, they will probably be extended.
In the "old" days when moms could apply if their kids were under 13, women who hadn't been working in the job market, often at their husband's request, were left with nothing when mr. wonderful left, and they were in the middle of a divorce
But see, we aren't talking about the "old" days. Women demanded equal rights in the workplace. They have them. That means some responsibility comes along with it--including the expectation that they provide for their children on their own time, and their ex can provide for the children on his.
And, lo and be hold, the kid now is thrown into full time day care, messed up, but has the greatest toys.
BTW, "And despite your distaste for anecdote" would have to be followed with an example of my use of an anecdote. I didn't use one. The fact that I object to anecdotes being used as proof has nothing to do with the fact that you feel I haven't backed up my assertion. I have, of course, but even so your sentence makes no sense.
What is that called, anyone, when a phrase with despite or although is used but has no relationship to the primary sentence? Hanging something or other?
Well Cal has prounounced the simple truth -- nothing else needs be said, the authority on marital relationships has spoken. It can't be a mutual decision because the woman has the legal power to to quit a job without her husband's consent. Therefore, all decisions for one parent to stay at home and care for children are unilateral decision on the part of lazy woman and the poor men are powerless to influence those decisions. How does one dispute "logic" like this?
And as for my starting the sentence with "despite your distaste for anecdote" does NOT need to be followed with an example of your using an anecdote -- it was followed by an example of your using NOTHING to back up your assertions except for more of your assertions.
Uh, yeah. I know. That's what should be eliminated. Why should either parent be given money to support the children? The expenses can be split down the middle. Each parent can provide their own home, food, and clothing. That way each parent can spend their own money on their children as they see fit, rather than one parent providing money that the other parent spends any way they like. There is no law preventing them from spending it on themselves.
As for the damage to the kids from reduced income, this is as a result of the divorce -- neither spouse tends to have the resources they had before the divorce because of having to pay for two households where there was formerly one household.
Wrong again. Generally, the custodial parent--usually the mother, usually making far less money--suffers a drop in living standard after the divorce. When parents both work at good jobs and can support the life they've chosen for themselves, the drop in living standard is minimal.
But I still assert that in most cases the decision for one parent to stay home is a joint decision of the couple.
No, what you mean is that in most cases one person unilaterally quit their job and the other one didn't object. And, btw, even that limited assertion is almost certainly untrue.
Try and focus on this: Consent is irrelevant. That is what makes it a unilateral decision. If one parent couldn't quit without being in breach of contract, that would be joint. Neither parent can be forced to quit their job, neither parent can prevent the other from quitting. It doesn't matter whether they did or didn't object.
I suppose that slaveholders in the old south could have said the same thing. However, the courts have generally recognized a marriage as a partnership in which both parties are entitled to the economic benefits of that partnership. An example from the working world -- the only realm that appear to have any value -- would be a managing partner in a law firm. The managing partner takes care of the logistics, oversees staff, takes care of purchasing and supply and the physical plant. But that's a business so that counts as work and a worthwhile contribution to the partnership. In a marriage partnership this is evidently worth nothing and counts only as a drain on resources.
An anecdote is not an unsupported assertion. An anecdote is an attempt at support for an assertion. You mean all this time you've been offering anecdotes and you don't know why?
And I have supported it.
Therefore, all decisions for one parent to stay at home and care for children are unilateral decision on the part of lazy woman and the poor men are powerless to influence those decisions.
I've not bothered to correct you on this before, but I'm getting tired of it. Yes, I think most stay at home moms are financially irresponsible parents. Yes, I think that many stay at home moms took advantage of societal blessing because they they didn't like working and raising kids and so took what they thought was the easy way out.
But the fact is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if the husband agreed or not. It doesn't matter if the mom truly believed it was important to stay home and loves her kids and thinks she's doing what is best. I've said this before, but you can't seem to follow: it is irreponsible. The working parent's lack of objection doesn't excuse it, and since it was the stay at home parent's decision, they bear the brunt of it. Both are adults, responsible for their own choices and their own lives. The fact that someone agreed that you'd be happier staying home does not make it any less your responsibility for deciding to do so.
It is irresponsible. Children suffer for it.
??? What a bizarre analogy.
A spouse is a slave? I thought they were adults, fully responsible for their choices.
However, the courts have generally recognized a marriage as a partnership in which both parties are entitled to the economic benefits of that partnership.
A stay at home disproportionately benefits from the marriage. They provide no money, and at best offset a limited amount of expenses (daycare). In exchange, they get all of their living expenses paid for, and live well beyond the means that they themselves can provide.
An example from the working world -- the only realm that appear to have any value -- would be a managing partner in a law firm.
Second bad analogy. In the first place, he managing partner does work that would otherwise cost money to be performed. The only "work" that would otherwise have to be paid for in the stay at home example is childcare--and even that is questionable, since the stay at home can't be fired, can't be held to a particular standard. But it's close. That's the only expense that the stay at home eliminates--and even then, consider the wealthy couple that has a nanny, or what about when the kids are in school? Even that expense disappears.
The managing partner can be fired if he does a bad job. The stay at home can't. The managing partner can have his salary reduced if he doesn't do much. The stay at home gets the same amount of pay, regardless. The managing partner gets to that position of expertise by competing with others, proving that he can do the work. The stay at home gets the position by quitting a job, if he or she ever had one.
Comparing the stay at home to an actual job is completely inaccurate. It is precisely because it isn't a job that the problems occur.
Dangling participle, I think.
in favor of MEN!!!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!!...
(link).
You seem to think that room and board during the time she is allowed to live in the household is sufficient compensation or ownership interest in the partnership. But then a slave is supposed to work and contribute for their keep and since we've already established that raising children and running a household are of no value to the marital partnership, I suppose that you see her as human baggage of less worth than a slave.
A stay at home disproportionately benefits from the marriage. They provide no money, and at best offset a limited amount of expenses (daycare). In exchange, they get all of their living expenses paid for, and live well beyond the means that they themselves can provide.
This is your opinion and a sweeping generalization. It would seem to naturally arise from the notion that marriage is nothing but a financial arrangement.
This has all been very interesting in a train-wreck sort of way. But I am relieved that those sharing your views are considered far outside the mainstream and that your "ideal" world is a pipedream as far as society, the legislature and the law are concerned --at least for the foreseeable future.
Of course you’re getting that impression … that’s exactly what I AM saying.
It is even more important in divorce for a previously non-employed parent to get himself or herself into the employment pool as quickly as possible. This means that BOTH parents should be employed, if only for the self-interested motivation of being able to support oneself after the child support checks stop coming (which by the way are supposed to be for the upkeep of the children NOT to support a parent who does not have job experience).
Are you actually suggesting that one spouse pay for the other spouse to stay home
I happen to know a couple of women who keep children in their homes at about $125/kid/week
Then they aren’t unemployed. It’s not perfect; they probably aren’t paying into the Social Security system so they are at risk personally in their old age of being with no income. And it doesn’t sound like they could support themselves or their children on that income in the event of divorce, death or disability. But it’s better than nothing.
As for the damage to the kids from reduced income, this is as a result of the divorce -- neither spouse tends to have the resources they had before the divorce because of having to pay for two households where there was formerly one household.
This is only partially true. The financial instability of a dual income couple after divorce is less severe and briefer in duration than where
And, lo and be hold, the kid now is thrown into full time day care, messed up, but has the greatest toys.
Baloney. There has never been creditable, repeatable and/or consistent data that shows children in day care are significantly different in any way to children that stay at home. Wait, kids in daycare get more colds initially, but by the time they are school age they get fewer colds than kids that didn’t go to daycare.
And it’s not about toys. It’s about the ability to support yourself and your kids. Period.
Betty, I’ve had to move three of your posts in less than 24 hours. If you don’t care for this conversation, leave the thread. Off-topic posts with not discussion content that are only meant to insult, agitate or attack are not tolerated here.
Either way, there's certainly no need for a man to enter this equation at all. You may call it what you want, but whatever you call it, it certainly doesn't fit my definition of marriage.
I don't mind you moving my comment about Cal's breath stinking, but I do object to you moving my comment that statements like Children suffer for it. are rank sentimentalism.
they are. and beyond that, children suffer for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with income. It's a non-statement and coming from some one who prides herself on having thoughts not feelings I found it to be pandering.
Most disturbing is that Cal has now stated that children's rights supercede those of adults. So if State rights supercede those of adults to make their own damn decisions about how they want to live their life I'm wondering if state rights also supercede those of children?
Children suffer for it. Oh good gods, I suffer reading her posts, and since I'm not an adult per her definition i think she needs to stop posting.
One-liners that seeming have no other purpose than agitation will continue to be removed. I'm not psychic and I don't have the time to mull over whether one-liners have a deeper meaning or if they’re just slams.
If you have a point make it (as you did above), and the post will stand.
Because there are other causes of suffering does not mean that people should attempt to control a source of suffering that is within they’re control. Your line of reasoning leads to logic such as, “Because kids get leukemia there’s no reason to make sure they have a healthy diet.”
It's a non-statement and coming from some one who prides herself on having thoughts not feelings I found it to be pandering.
Well, now your just being insulting and it’s an inaccurate insult at that. The point is to have thoughts that are governed by something more (like facts, reality, truth) than just feelings, which are often erroneous, self-interested and over inflated.
So if State rights supercede those of adults to make their own damn decisions about how they want to live their life I'm wondering if state rights also supercede those of children?
Good hyperbole, too bad no one said anything that would result in that. No one, even Cal, is suggesting that SAHPing be outlawed. It should be discouraged, and it does not follow that people who willfully and deliberately remove themselves from the employment pool should automatically be supported by the State.
Nowhere have I suggested that child support is for the upkeep of the spouse -- I have referred to rehabilitative alimony, which is of limited duration and intended to help the spouse get back on his or her feet.
Are you actually suggesting that one spouse pay for the other spouse to stay home after the divorce?
No. Did you see me suggest that? I do think that in cases where one spouse leaves and the other spouse has been a SAH, the leaving spouse should provide assistance for a short duration to allow the SAH to find a job. If the SAH spouse leaves then it's his or her lookout, unless there was an abusive situation and leaving was necessary for health and safety. Several here have stated that the SAH parent should be stripped of custody because the SAH parent is irresponsible by using child rearing plan that you, Cal, and Erin don't approve of. So it seems that you prefer to strip custody from the primary care provider because there was no salary involved. This just strikes me as being vindictive toward women because you don't approve of the couple's choices.
Fortunately, the law recognizes that there are all sorts of circumstances in which marriages end and it's generally flexible enough to respond to the circumstances. Also fortunately, the laws in my state don't indicate a compelling need to punish a SAH parent for their stupidity as some here do.
Stripped is an obviously inflammatory word. And by your reasoning the Working Parent would be “stripped” of custody for having the audacity to support the family for years.
But if we walk away from the hyperbole, the point is this: By placing the children with the employed parent, the previously employed parent can focus on being employable. Attempting to reenter the work force in a manner, which allows for financial stability is a difficult process. The children arguable will be better off with the financially established parent whose ability to provide support is less shaky. I would guess that the path to financial stability is shorter for those who are also not carrying the day to day responsibility of child care, which means less time in getting to the point where both parents can share joint physical custody and no income transfer is required at all.
Also fortunately, the laws in my state don't indicate a compelling need to punish a SAH parent for their stupidity as some here do.
You know, I’m a bit tired of having my opinions cast at punishment. That is not might point and I don’t believe that I have cast it in punitive terms. The reality is that there are consequences to being unemployable. We attempt to mitigate those consequences for that find themselves unemployed due to tragedy. Those who willfully and deliberately remove themselves from employment consideration unfortunately have to take on the consequences of their choices.
previously employed parent can focus was supposed to be previously UNemployed parent can focus
There's risk and there's risk. Some can be eliminated or mitigated by planning.
Acting on the assumption that your marriage will endure at least 20 years, and making no plans to the contrary is IMO taking on a lot of risk and doing so rather irresponsibly. Even given current allowances for post-divorce income transfer, a lot of women end up unable to provide for themselves or their kids in a manner in which they themselves consider acceptable.
(I don't really have any idea what % of women are "pure" SAH's anymore. That is, SAH for the entire 18 years of childhood.)
Would anyone advise their daughter- "remember dear, once you're married your husband will provide for you and your children. It's not something you need to worry about any more."
Well duh, in many instances they do, once you have kids their right to stay alive and healthy supercedes your right to neglect, starve or beat them as just one of many thousands of examples. The state has a well established duty to gaurantee the health and safety of children.
Participation rate of women in the labor force with children 6 to 17, single, 79.7%; married, 77.2%; other (widowed, divorced, separated) 85.0%...with children under 6, single, 70.5%; married, 62.8%; other, 76.6%.
Acting on the assumption that your marriage will endure at least 20 years...
Acting on the assumption that your marriage won't make it til next year is a surefire way of ensuring it won't.
Fair enough. OTOH, there is no Dr. Lars on the radio exhorting men to quit their jobs NOW or else be considered moral failures as fathers.
>>Acting on the assumption that your marriage won't make it til next year is a surefire way of ensuring it won't.
The person who retains the ability to provide for themselves is making NO assumptions about their marriage. They don't need to. They are dealing with the reality that sometimes marriages end, and neither partner has total control over that. If acknowledging reality is a threat to a marriage, that marriage has problems anyway.
Exactly...and I might add, letting the first little bump in the road be a reason to call in the lawyers won't do much to ensure it, either.
I do go along with the idea that it should be harder to get married than it is to divorce, though. It might make marriage a more serious endeavor.
That's a straw man if it's directed at the present conversation.
I hardly think it’s a “huge assumption” to state a question in terms of the gender that is 80% of the group we are talking about. Where did those number comes from?
Acting on the assumption that your marriage won't make it til next year is a surefire way of ensuring it won't.
I’ve never been aware of someone getting divorced due to maintaining the ability to support oneself. You do know that death and disability also but SAHPs at risk, right?
I've noticed a lot of these conservatives who rail about the harm working mothers are doing to their children are the same ones who rail about the harm welfare mothers are doing to their children by not working.
So, we're agreed then- women are fully responsible for the financial support of their children.
Then it's just a question of strategies. Is SAH-ing a good way to fulfill that responsibility and also provide for contingencies?
If it is, then I really have no problem with it.
If in order to maintain one's earnings capability it means continous employment (which I view as a huge assumption) even if one spouse feels strongly that the other should stay at home, even if it's more cost effective for the family to have a SAH parent, even if both consider it better for the children to have a SAH, then that is bound to strain a marriage. The fact that one spouse will so single-mindedly go against the wishes of the other, and perhaps the wishes of the entire family would be reason enough to strain a marriage. Especially if the reason given is, you might divorce me, not pay child support and then I won't be able to support myself and the family.
I know of many women who changed careers, choices to work, for the sake of their marriage as they viewed their marriage as more important than their careers. (More frequently than before I see men who also make job and career choices based on marriage/family issues.) Some people view marriage as a sacred covenant and believe it when they say until death....I don't know of people who view a job as one, but they may exist. (One boss got mad at me when I told him I expected my marriage to last longer than my job.) Choices are often conflicting. If you opt for career over marriage then it only makes sense that the marriage will suffer.
The fact that you don't know of broken marriages because a woman chose work over home doesn't mean they don't exist. I also know of marriages that ended because the man wouldn't work.
vw the stats posted were from the bureau of labor statistics.
Where are you leaping from and to? Parents are fully responsible for the financial support of their children. Where on earth did I say it was solely in the purview of women?
Alternate universe indeed. Please tell me this is my famous density at work again and you mean nothing of the sort.
There are alternatives. If one partner feels strongly that there must be SAH, it doesn't have to require one partner to drop out of the work force. Schedules can be juggled etc. I would certainly think the onus of making it work would be on the person demanding that their spouse give up their job.
I personally never said that. I myself have taken family-related “sabbaticals” without a loss to my employability. But than I planned for that sabbatical in advance.
they viewed their marriage as more important than their careers
It’s not a marriage vs career issue. Marriage has nothing to do with it. We’re talking about the ability to full the most basic of parenting responsibilities … supporting the child. Divorce, death and disability are the most obvious external factors that can put a SAHP and his or her children at risk.
Thanks for the stats info, thoughtful.
Choosing “work over marriage” is completely different from making sure you are capable of supporting yourself and your kids. And again, we aren’t talking about the marriage; we are talking about parenting. The quality or lack thereof of the marital relationship is immaterial.
Choosing “work over marriage” is completely different from making sure you are capable of supporting yourself and your kids. And again, we aren’t talking about the marriage; we are talking about parenting. The quality or lack thereof of the marital relationship is immaterial.
(sorry, clicked post to soon)
The implication behind the “work over marriage” phrase implies a hell of a lot more than working to ensure the ability to support oneself and one’s kids.
We're in a war, goddamit! Who cares what women think?
I was reading from 3966 and 3971 to mean this is not a gender issue for you. I wanted to be sure we agreed on this.
Sorry, I can see where that was confusing.
I'm back from court. This time, it was the pre-trial hearing in Sandrov's libel suit against me. I'm upset, forgive me.
The judgette think the stuff I wrote about Sandrov was rude.
But we're in a war! The guy won't put a guard in the nursery school. He still hasn't connected the entrance gate to the electricity: he keeps adding a screw here, a bulb there. So I wrote that he was 'playing with doodoo and peepee' (a phrase that means 'playing childish honor games') and that I had grave doubts about his mental stability - so what?
Just face it. The women don't need us, or in any case very few of us. The entire cow population of Sweden is served by three bulls which have one thing in common. They are dead.
we are talking about parenting. The quality or lack thereof of the marital relationship is immaterial. !!!!!!
Perhaps that is the problem...I've been talking about marriage and that includes people with and without children.
Choosing “work over marriage” is completely different from making sure you are capable of supporting yourself and your kids. That is not my take on the "camp's" position here, by which I mean (recognizing that all of you don't agree with each other in total) those of you who believe that SAHs, just because they are staying at home, are irresponsible toward themselves and their children because it necessarily impacts future earnings.
Perhaps by paraphrasing that position it will shed light on where this alternate universe thing is coming from.
Some of you are indeed acting as though marriages are doomed to fail...almost as though there are starter marriages, where everyone lives as though they are single so that when it fails, nothing is lost.
No this does not make sense to me personally. But that is not for me to judge. It does make sense to many woman who for whatever reason view their marriage as more important than their desire to work...those reasons can be that they don't have much talent, prefer caring for their children, have religious beliefs that put them in a subservient role, beliefs that rearing their own children...some include home schooling...is the most important job they can have, and given their household income they can afford to SAH.
There seems to me to be a tradeoff of assessed risks here...that the woman will need to be self-reliant vs. the damage done to the woman's earning power by staying at home. It is perfectly rational that some will see the risk of the former as greater or less than the risk of latter given their personal situations.
But that does not mean that my husband isn't a key factor in the decisions I make as they clearly affect him as much as me. He would not have retired early if we had not been in agreement on it. We reviewed his choices, our assets, his potential income, retirement income, social security, savings and the overall impact his retirement would have on US, OUR income, OUR lifestyle. Did it put us at greater risk? Of course. Not only did our income drop, but our risk of unemployment increased as we now only have one job to rely on instead of two.
Together we decided that we could afford it and that he'd be much happier. We also recognized that his being at home would allieviate me of a lot of household responsibilities, allowing me to focus more fully on my job and career. (When both of us were working, we often commented that WE needed a wife!) All of that has come to pass...he's happier, we can afford it, and he has picked up a lot of household responsibilities, so I've been able to focus more on my job.
When it comes time for me to leave this job, the process will be very much the same. We are partners, we are in this together, we don't make decisions singly that have important impacts for both of us. We are married.
But we are back to the question, are all parents fully responsible for providing financially for their children? If so, then their desire to work is not relevant. Providing for one's kids is not a "lifestyle choice" a parent may or may not make, a morally neutral quirk of personality. It is a responsibility, right?
So, if that responsibility is covered, it's covered. Great. If not, then there's a problem. If the answer to "how will you care for your children in the event of a divorce" is "we will never get divorced" then there is a problem.
It would be just as silly as the working parent not preparing for the possibility of unemployment because they know they are doing a great job and the boss likes them. The responsibility to provide is not something either parent can absolve themselves of.
Anyway, I've become a broken record here, so I'll bow out for a while. It wouldn't hurt for me to do some of that "working" I've been talking about anyway.
1)Married and common law couples in Canada benefit from favourable income tax treatment relative to single people, in terms of available tax credits and greater opportunities to defer taxable income through registered retirement savings plans. I am guessing that a similar situation exists in the U.S. and elsewhere. Governments and society at large tend to regard marriage as an institution worthy of promoting through tax incentives.
2)When it comes to wage bias against single individuals, I found very little to substantiate my claim beyond my own observance of particular working environments. But here goes: a) A site with the bleck inducing name of singlesrights.com points to a couple of state specific studies indicating that, in many work place scenarios, benefit packages (dental, health care, pensions, etc.) are skewed in favour of married couples. Singles pay the same amount as married persons to buy into these packages, yet the latter realize a disproportionate return in terms of realizable benefits. To the extent that such packages make up an increasing portion of wage incentive programs (primarily, I gather, in unionized environments and other workplace situations in which parties bargain as a group), then this benefits package differential can be regarded as a bias against singles when it comes to employment compensation. B) A American sociologist by the name of Peter Stein has done some studies of single life. One university syllabus summarized his findings, noting among other things that Stein found that: “There is still a bias against single men in the workplace, where both wages and probability of promotions are higher for married men.” Stein, it seems, also observes that socio-cultural biases against singles are generally lessening, albeit slowly.
I have some thoughts on the rest of yesterday’s discussion re: divorce laws (etc.) and will try to get back to chime in with those later.
In Message # 3799, I said [regarding married vs. single employees]:
I know that parents get more untaxed income for having children, in the form of benefits. But they do if they are married, as well. When do they get paid more?
So you didn't need to go to a singles site to learn about the bennies advantage. You got it right here at the Mote, pal.
Thoughtful said: No this does not make sense to me personally. But that is not for me to judge.
Yes, it is for you to judge. It's for all of us to judge. We are talking about social policy. Women have no legal responsibility to submit to their husbands, and they do have a legal responsibility to provide for themselves and their children. The fact that they choose to submit to a husband in order to "save" their relationship does not mean that society should have to pay for their behavior. And, unfortunately, women who submit to hubbie still end up divorced and often on welfare--or in family court asking for more money. Welfare and court systems are funded by tax payers, and therefore taxpayers have a say in whether or not women are expected to act like responsible adults in their relationships. One way to do that is to create laws that will not reward women for neglecting their legal responsibilities--regardless of their reason for doing so. Eliminating income transfer and requiring both parents to provide a home and financial provision for their children in the event of a divorce or any other situation where parents aren't cohabitating will eliminate any possible expectation that society will step in in the event a spouse refuses to.
Right … just like everyone that takes out life insurance is saying they believe they are doomed to die at 32 years old.
The reality is that one out of every three marriages ends in divorce. Add on top of that whatever the percentages are for having a spouse die or become disabled and a significant number of parents are going to find that their spouse is no longer able to contribute to the support of the family.
I am only interested in the end results. Why or how the decision is made is not of import. The salient factor is that it was a willful and deliberate action with foreseeable end consequences.
I believe that people should be left alone to make whatever personal decisions they see fit to make. But the flip side of that is that I then expect them to accept the consequences of their actions. When people who have made willful and deliberate decisions with foreseeable end consequences then begin to demand or insist that it is their right to have the State mitigate the consequences, we the State (and it is we the people – Happy 4th!), have a right to dictate what that mitigation is.
And if parents together decide that the most effective or best way for them to provide for their family is to have one work and one SAH, they are being responsible and are providing a good home for their children...some people feel it is the best home for children. If further down the road something happens that changes that arrangement...dad dies, or mom gets a crippling disease, or divorce, or unemployed or any number of things...they can still be responsible by responding to that situation when it arises. Parents are not negligent until they stop providing for their children. What that situation is and when it occurs are critical elements in determining the appropriate way to respond. For example, parents may get divorced, but it may not matter if their kids are already of majority age and able to fend for themselves.
Also, parents need not provide bill gates' lifestyles to their children. Death, divorce, whatever may cause a household income to fall, but that doesn't necessarily mean it will fall to the point of negligence. The parent may have to move the family to an apartment, or daughter may have to start babysitting if she wants to keep her own phone, or son may have to mow lawns if he wants to keep his high-speed internet access, but those lifestyle changes do not constitute neglect. There are so many options in between, there are so many ifs and variations that prescribing for all situations is not possible. That's why these cases are handled individually.
But statistics demonstrate that they aren't responding to the situation adequately, or at all.
perhaps it's because i'm not legally married, but that's what it is. love's involved, usually, but that's not really relevant past the vows.
Really? That seems strange to me...when does love become irrelevant and the contract take over? At the reception?
people, married people in particular, seem to get their heckles raised when other people talk about their marriage in cold, truthful terms. it's just an oddity to me, but i'm sure the same can be said of me wrt homosexuality.
Slackjaw's spirit, if not his acumen and wit, hovers over this discussion.
What is that, if not referencing marriage in its contractual form?
Not to imply that people objecting are all against homosexual marriage.
It is also extremely common for people to say "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?" I doubt most people who object to the contractual emphasis on marriage leap up and decry the speaker for referring to marriage as a purchase (ie, contract). It's such a common phrase that feminists use it.
References to marriage as a contract are everywhere. I am always taken aback by the ferocity of the objections.
But that's your skewed translation, not an accurate description.
I think it's wrong for people to presume to prescribe something so personal, so individual as lifestyle and family choice as a one-size-fits all, and am resentful of the implication that any choices made that are not consistent with their POV are foolish and irresponsible.
No one is prescribing lifestyle and family choices. We are prescribing personal responsibility, as well as accepting responsibility for the children one has. That responsibility cannot be offloaded onto someone else. People who offload it are irresponsible, and they impose a significant financial and social cost.
You might want to lose some of that resentment and start focusing on the actual issues involved.
Actually, Ducky, people will bring up the contractual aspect of marriage all the time, discussing gay marriage.
of course. this doesn't 'involve' them, you see. other married people, on average, have gotten theirs, so what the fuck do they care?
Mention discrimination, and some one is sure to say "But you aren't discriminated against. You can marry any woman you like and receive the benefits of marriage."
yes, which is one of the few things that Niner et al does that still annoys me. i hate that he must make me disagree with him.
What is that, if not referencing marriage in its contractual form?
it seems to me that people don't mind acknowledging that aspect, but, heavens, don't act as if that's the main aspect.
I am always taken aback by the ferocity of the objections.
as am i - i just assume people don't like having an (somewhat central, i would guess) aspect of their lives dismantled for a cynical discussion.
cynical should be clinical
although, both are apt in my case...
Look at the thread header … it says Social Issues. Not Love & Relationships. Not Why I Love my Spouse. The State does not and should not have any involvement in the emotional aspects of marital relationship…therefore we do not consider them as part of the conversation when discussion social policy.
Why is this so frickin’ difficult to understand?
I'm resentful of the implication that the only correct way to run a marriage is with a zero level of trust for one's partner and with the assumption that the marriage will fail momentarily.
Again. 1 out of every 3 marriages ends in divorce. I’m not sure how many end with the death of a spouse or how many marriages lose an income due to the disability of a spouse. But whatever those numbers are add them to the divorce rate and you have a significant number of marriages where a non-working spouse is going to need to work.
It has nothing to do with zero trust or assumptions of failure. We are talking about social policy here so we need to speak of all marriages. So stop taking everything so fucking personally. I don’t know your spouse, I don’t care what choices you’ve personally made and I am not commenting to you personally.
I'm disagreeing with that presumption as I believe it is a surefire way to a failed marriage.
And again. Maintaining one’s ability to support oneself and ones children is not a threat to a marriage and is different from your red herring of high-powered career woman ignoring their marriages to the point of divorce.
And also one more time, we aren’t talking about marriages. We’re talking about parenting responsibilities
(cont)
And the finally again, I personally don’t give a rat’s ass what you choice to do in your personal life. You can make those decisions based on facts, personal beliefs or the whether or not Venus is in the 3rd House.
I care about what social policies are being supported and what the obvious outcomes for our society arise from those policies.
So, you’re resentful of nothing more than what you’ve misunderstood to be said.
Here’s my reasons in no particular order:
Second, I did not answer it about my personal situation. If you would read the answer again, you would see that it was answered from a general perspective. The charges leveled against the "irresponsible ones" don't apply to me as I am not a parent nor a SAH nor on welfare nor in divorce court. The fact that you reacted as you did IMO says a lot more about you than about me.
Third, if you are talking about creating social policy that will affect an institution such as marriage, IMV, it is important to understand the nature of that institution, its costs, benefits, why it is successful and why it isn't. While you can certainly design social policy without recognizing all the aspects of the institution, (religious, emotional, sexual, economic, etc.) you do so at society's peril. IMV, it goes beyond the legal and financial aspects of marriage as they are far from what keeps marriages working and successful. (That is personal as I'm drawing on my own experience of a successful marriage and why I stay married.) Without understanding the total institution about which you are designing policies, you bear the risk of unintended consequences.
Fourth, you are apparently incapable of understanding data.
"But whatever those numbers are add them to the divorce rate and you have a significant number of marriages where a non-working spouse is going to need to work". If you understood the data that I posted before, you would see that 71% of married women with children under 18 are in the labor force. So, unless you have data that says SAHs are significantly more likely to divorce than dual income families, (I suspect that given economic dependencies, it would be less likely that SAHs would divorce, but I could be wrong) then 1/3 (using your 1 in 3 divorce) of 30% is a small fraction of the total. IMV, this suggests that major policy changes are not required.
But, hey. I can see that you have found religion, that you are not interested in someone else's point of view, only evangelizing your own. It's your sand box. Have fun playing with yourself.
It's not like I'm God and wave a wand and make it happen you know. Power down ... it a debate of ideas.
I'm going off to have dinner with my family. Have a happy 4th all.
I understand data just fine.
There are two points you are missing.
One, event the number of people we are talking about is still a signigicant number of people.
Two, it's not just employed, it's employed to a level of being able to support oneself and ones children. I am assuming that a certain percentage of our 71% are working low-paying "pin money" jobs that do not convert or ramp up to meaningful income in the event of divorce, death or disability.
This discussion is a bit like two 80 year old guys talking about hot sex.
Rustler
Just face it. The women don't need us, or in any case very few of us. The entire cow population of Sweden is served by three bulls which have one thing in common. They are dead.
What a load of bull.
ha ha. No doubt spoken by someone not married, an "expert in the field" nonetheless.
Would you like to see the state attemping to determine whether there was enough love in a marriage to qualify as a real marriage?
"Your honor, my wife does not love me, and thus we are not really married no matter what that piece of paper she's holding says. She has no claim on my business assets."
But one more time, and try to pay attention:
I don’t care about off-topic chatter. I don’t care about nasty, insulting language. I don’t even care about RP’s pathetically self-centered rants. It all gets left here untouched.
I have very carefully said what I will remove: Posts where the only content is meant to insult agitate or attack. How much clearer can that be? You damn well know when you’re posting one and yet you’re in here mooing about it.
Well, you’re cordially invited to fuck off. And just because some of you are apparently still 3rd graders and need the rules explained to you over and over again I’ll take the time out of my day to fucking explain each move for the dim-witted.
12700. RustlerPike - 7/3/02 2:50:58 AM
You're pathetic, CruelGal. Your insistence on erasing love and tenderness from the picture, be it wrt mothering or marriage, is sad. I just hope you weren't abused too badly earlier in life, to be posting obviously unhealthy stuff like this at present.
Content only meant to insult. Does not add to the conversation in anyway, makes no attempt to refute the argument, it only insults.
12701. betty - 7/3/02 3:54:12 AM
Cal, your breath stinks.
Content only meant to insult. Does not add to the conversation in anyway, makes no attempt to refute the argument, it only insults.
(cont)
“Children suffer for it.”
rank sentimentalism. who gives a shit about children. let them eat cake.
Content meant to agitate. Betty later explained more fully what she meant here, I pointed out that if she had made her point in that manner in SI, I would have never removed the post, but not being psychic I couldn’t tell there was a point from a one-liner.
Posts 4017 and 4018 were left simply because they were thread chatter. As stated above, I don’t care about thread chatter, it’s a natural by-product of a thread. And you will not find a single occurrence of me removing anyone’s posts in here because it was chatter.
Post 4019, strictly should have been removed because it was meant only to agitate. I left it simply because it was a commentary on my hosting and I wasn’t going to make a self-serving move.
Post 4029 has now been moved to the The Inferno because it was meant only to agitate.
1) I disagree with CalGal's assertion that the biases of current divorce law necessarily make it impossible for decisions about becoming a stay at home spouse to be joint spousal decisions. True, the current status quo makes it easier for one spouse (usually the woman in a hetero-union) to lord (or, I guess, lady) it over the other spouse by insisting upon staying home against the other’s objections, and that (in such extreme cases) the objecting spouse is usually backed into an unfortunate corner involving a take-it-or-leave-it ultimatum that is likely to damn him with financial costs either way he decides. This possibility does not, however, eliminate the bread winner’s freedom of choice in the matter. Going into marriage everyone knows the basic biases inherent in divorce law. Yet people (men) still choose to enter the union despite the potential costs involved upon breakup, presumably because they have gauged and accepted the risk of their spouse becoming a leach on their wallet. Cornered spouses also have a choice to mitigate potential costs by nipping a bad situation in the bud and taking a stand as early as possible – knowing that the costs are likely to be less if one quits the marriage earlier rather than later, especially if one gets out prior to the advent of kids.
I agree with this but I think the prevailing thought here is that if this is the case, the parent who cannot make enough to support a child alone shouldn't have the child in the first place.
But I think that divorce laws trump tax laws in terms of behavior decisions. It'd be interesting to research.
Well, they ARE totally dependent, though... ;-)
A Until TANF, the dominant reason for women going on welfare was "change in family status". I believe it is still one of the major reasons. Bubba herself has mentioned that stat on many occasions.
Seriously, though, why should society subsidize an adult who isn't working?
I believe that "change in family status" is also the reason that most women leave welfare--ie, they moved back home, found another boyfriend/husband.
Or did like Christie Peters did and went to school, got a degree, and found a well paying job so that she could support herself and her daughter. She has mentioned this before or I wouldn't use her as an example but I'm sure she is not unique in that experience.
And I would think a "change in family status" would apply to a woman who sees her
"family" as herself and her child. So that status changes as she begins to reap the benefits of education and a job.
The most dramatic results pertain, perhaps not surprisingly, to changes in family status, with the effects of becoming a lone parent the greatest among these, especially for women. Specifically, becoming a single parent...generally increased the probability of entering low income from 5.8 percent to 30.4 percent for women who were initially single...from 2.9 percent to 34.8 percent for those who were originally attached and had children and from 1.7 to 44.1 percent who were originally in couples with no children. Conversely (but consistently) a change in family status from lone parenthood to any other category...decreased the probability of moving into low income, in most cases more than halving the rate relative to those who remained single mothers.
I know there are stats for US too, but I couldn't resist one, being Canadian and all, eh?
Well, you're wrong. "Change in family status" is a specific description. It means that your familial situation has altered--ie, you've become a parent, gotten married, moved back home to mom, whatever.
I've provided one cite and will provide others, but this is pretty basic stuff, Judith. As I said, I first learned about the change in family status infor from Bubba, so it's not some ultra conservative lobbying number.
Your link does not work for me . . . and I would like to read it.
I wasn't saying it was...
For now, a quickie comment: becoming low income does not necessarily equate with becoming welfare dependant.
with becoming welfare dependant.
Um, for women with kids it generally does. But in any event, I said it took a significant financial and social cost. I assume you'll grant that living in poverty is bad for children, therefore a significant social cost?
Incidentally, I haven't provided a cite yet that demonstrates most mothers who file for TANF have a limited or non-existent employment history, and that most of them were unemployed (ie stay at home) or in "pin money" jobs at the time of their change in family status. I'll find something on that.
I will check the report. You may be right, of course, but I will check the report cited thus far. I am not going to make any assumptions.
I assume you'll grant that living in poverty is bad for children, therefore a significant social cost?
Sure. But, the mother doesn't have to become poverty stricken if the father accepts the responsibility of paying support -- i.e. bearing the costs of his complicity in the mother's inability to gain marketable job skills. If the father, or bread winner spouse, does this, there is no poverty and no social cost. It may be unfair to the father, but I don't really care from a social policy perspective. As I said, if the costs of poor decisions are borne entirely by parties within the (now broken)marriage, I see no social cost -- regardless of whether the cost is borne entirely (and unfairly) by the one party.
I agree with your comments on this discussion. Another problem with the analysis of Cal, vw, et al is that while I agree that marriage is a legal contractual arrangement, the terms of each contract can vary according to the parties involved.
That is, while marriage may be a contract, each couple will negotiate their terms. Some may be implicit from other elements of the contract, some may be express provisions. However, a contract is merely an exchange of promises to perform certain tasks agreed upon by the parties. This coincides with your basic hypothesis that the costs of the bargain should be borne by those who agree to the terms regardless of their unequal benefits. Presumably those who end up in this position also took on the risks associated with the initial bargain. There should be no social policy that fixes these bad decisions.
In addition, the presumption that one party does not work for value within the marriage is problematic if one wants to argue that marriage is a contract. Contracts must be an exchange of promises that include some consideration, otherwise they are not contracts.
Consideration is anything of value to the other bargaining party, otherwise they would not make their return promise and bargain for an exchange.
All of these factors tend to undercut the argument that women do nothing of value in a marriage if they are not engaged in labor market work. And although someone said that their in-home production can be replaced with little cost in the market, this can't be true, otherwise men would not make the bargain to begin with.
Nothing different about a divorce here. We simply want those with the most financial resources to bear the costs so that society doesn't have to do so.
One can argue this is wrong, but then we'd have to change not only our laws on divorce, but all of tort and contract law as well.